


Take My Hand

by Miichiyeo



Category: EXO (Band), VIXX
Genre: Sequel, Voodoo, voodoodoll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 41
Words: 171,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miichiyeo/pseuds/Miichiyeo
Summary: N was the only one she loved and wanted...and then they took him from her. She was going to get him back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the sequel to My Special Doll, so it would be best to read that first in order to understand the events here.
> 
> Like with My Special Doll, there will be more mature content later on, such as violence, language, torture, and hints of psychological problems. I will put mentions of these before the chapter if necessary, but please be aware of this before reading. 
> 
> Also, this story will be posted on my livejournal account http://kakeyashikaze.livejournal.com/, as well as on AFF, so please know that this isn't plagarized here. However, please don't plagarize this story, as while VIXX are in no way mine, the OC and plot are.

The soft blush of the morning sun gently lightened the room, the white walls nearly radiating in its wake. He silently crawled out of bed, sighing softly when he saw two bodies hidden in the blankets, their limbs tangled together as their brows pressed tightly against each other. He decided it best not to wake them, knowing how difficult it was for them to sleep, instead bringing the blanket up to cover their shivering bodies. A mumble came from one of them, the two shifting closer together, and he left them alone, heading into the kitchen to start breakfast.  
  
The silence was almost deafening as he cooked the eggs, the sizzle of the oil almost screeching and the scratching of the pan against the stove top resounding. He stole a glance at the open doorway, the two still in sight, sleeping blissfully. He debated closing the door so he wouldn’t wake them, though knew better to keep them in view. He checked the rice cooker, taking the eggs off the pan and waited, leaning against the countertop.  
  
It wasn’t long that they lived like this, the three of them together. The two, ever since they came into his home, had been a pair, never able to be found without the other close by. He waited until he finished high school before moving out, and it was only natural that the two followed him. They never were able to connect with his parents, always opting to stay around him and only really speaking with him. He didn’t pity them, they would kill him if he tried, but he couldn’t help but feel saddened with how withdrawn and deadened they had become. They had tried to go to school, to try and regain their lives; but the moment they stepped into a crowd they panicked, nearly passing out and having to go the hospital. After that, they were pulled out of school and stayed home, only having each other for comfort while he continued his studies. He dreamed that one day they would overcome their fear and be able to fully step outside, to let real, genuine smiles cross their faces again.  
  
The rice cooker popped, and he sighed again as he scooped out each of their shares, placing it in bowls and setting them next to the eggs. He was about to grab drinks when he felt a slender pair of arms wrap around his waist, a cheek pressed into his shoulder. He made sure not to make any sudden movements as he placed his hands over the other’s, patting them gently.  
  
“Good morning Hak-yeon,” he said softly, making sure not to raise his voice too loud. He could feel the other rub his face into his shoulder, a small whimper escaping the other’s lips.  
  
“Taek-woonie,” he breathed, his voice barely audible. He finally turned around, pulling the other’s arms away without letting go of his hands. Hak-yeon stood stiffly, his eyes glossy and lackluster, the morning sun lighting up his face and brightening his silver hair. He never questioned why he always insisted on dying his hair silver, the color odd, only dutifully going out and buying a new can every three months and washing the color into his hair. He knew that while the other never said anything, he was grateful.  
  
“Is Hong-bin awake?” he asked, and Hak-yeon turned his head slightly in time to see Hong-bin shuffle into the room, rubbing his eyes. The youngest sniffed the air, his eyes honed on the food, and he mumbled something as he made a move to grab the food.  
  
“No Binnie,” Hak-yeon said gently, stopping the other with a slow hand. “You have to sit and eat.” Hong-bin didn’t argue, nodding his head and allowing Hak-yeon to guide him to the table. The two of them slowly knelt to the floor, conjoined at the hip as they looked up at him and waited patiently. He wanted to say he was used to the way they stared at him, but he never was truly used to the listless look in their eyes. He let out a deep breath before grabbing the bowls and placing it in front of them, placing one egg on each bowl. They didn’t move, waiting for him to finish putting the drinks down and sitting across from them. Only then did they move, picking up their chopsticks and eating small bites.  
  
They never ate a lot, their cheekbones protruding and their shoulder blades jutting out from under their thick sweaters. Whenever they tried to eat more they would just throw it back up, their cheeks puffy and their eyes bloodshot.  
  
He pretended not to watch them, instead focusing on eating his own breakfast. He glanced up periodically to see Hak-yeon lift up a clump of rice every so often and feed it to Hong-bin, the younger boy more than ready to take it. It was only at times like these when a ghost of a smile would flutter on the elder’s lips, a spark of emotion flashing in his eyes. Knowing how slow they ate, he took his time eating; while they never said anything, he knew they didn’t like it when he finished before them. Hong-bin at one point picked up a piece to feed to Hak-yeon, whimpering when he dropped it. Hak-yeon laughed, lifting the napkin up to wipe Hong-bin’s mouth.  
  
He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself, and he froze when he felt something thrust at him, and he berated himself for upsetting them. But when he looked up, he was surprised to see Hak-yeon holding his chopsticks out with a few pieces of rice on the end. Hong-bin stared at him as well, his lips upturned in a slight pout. Knowing how rare this was, he hurriedly ate the rice.  
  
“Thank you,” he said quickly, still whispering.  
  
“You need to eat,” was the other’s reply, his hand sluggish as he reached over the table to pat his head. The movement was stiff, his hand almost slapping him, but his heart swelled all the same. For a second the Hak-yeon he had known had returned; a near gummy smile on his face. But almost as quickly the smile was gone, replaced by his usual blank look. He went back to his meal, the image of Hak-yeon smiling still in his mind when another voice sounded out.  
  
“Eat.” He looked up to see another pair of chopsticks shoved in his direction, this time Hong-bin on the other end. He glanced over to Hak-yeon, the other not even looking at him as he continued eating. “Eat,” Hong-bin repeated, leaning forward slightly in an attempt to push it in his mouth. He opened his mouth, gagging when Hong-bin shoved it in his mouth, wiping the rice onto his tongue. He coughed as he roughly swallowed.  
  
“T-thank you Hong-bin,” he said, and Hong-bin’s face lit up. But even that didn’t last long.  
  
He washed their bowls when the finished, secretly packing away the leftovers they didn’t finish, knowing their eyes were watching his every move from their seats. He went to his room to change, the apartment so silent that he could hear the soft whisperings of the two as they spoke of things they only kept to themselves. He sometimes wished they would speak to him, say more than the few words they did manage, but he never wanted to push them more than what they were comfortable with. One day. One day they’ll get better.  
  
He grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he headed toward the door. Soft rustles came from the kitchen and he soon found two pairs of feet padding behind him. The two of them came over to his side, watching as he laced his shoes and threw his coat on. Not knowing what to say when they stood still like that, he gave them a soft nod goodbye and headed for the door.  
  
A soft hand held him back, and he turned to see Hak-yeon pulling his arm. The other took a second before going over to the coat rack, sliding a scarf off and coming back over to him. Without a word he threw it over his head, his fingers wrapping it snugly around his neck. “Be careful,” he said quietly, his fingers pausing as he knotted it and tugged it tight. “Come back safe.” He nodded again, wondering if he should say anything, and just opted for a small wave.  
  
Hong-bin waved back.  
  
  
  
The two of them never could tell the difference between the weekdays and weekends, never wondering why he went out even on days he didn’t have school. Not that they would have been hurt either way; while they wanted him to be there all the time, and hated watching him leave, they never paid him much attention when he was home. The two usually were lost in their own world, sitting hidden in corners of the apartment. Sometimes they would hide themselves so well that he wouldn’t be able to find them, and only after hours of searching would he find the two cuddled together behind the sofa, sleeping.  
  
He wanted to find someone to help them, to help them get better; however each time he tried to bring them out of the house they would panic and scream. They would react similarly if he tried bringing someone home, grabbing whatever they could to beat the intruder down if they came close. He didn’t want to upset them or lose the little trust they had in him, so he was forced to learn different techniques on his own and attempt to help them little by little on his own.  
  
It wasn’t going well.  
  
Today was the most he had ever seen out of the two.  
  
He drew his coat around him tighter as he crossed the street, the small café he recognized in sight. He quickened his pace as he nearly ran inside, the light snow that had been falling when he left now falling so heavily he could barely see in front of him. Coughing, he quickly entered the small building, shaking the snow from his hair and looked up expectantly, all workers in the empty place looking up at him. One girl, the only non-worker there, brightened at seeing him and ran to his side.  
  
“Taek-woon oppa!” she called out, flashing a wide smile as she wrapped her warm hands over his own, deciding at the last minute not to hug him when she saw his normally black coat white with snow.  
  
“Hello Saet-byul,” he said amicably, letting her drag him to a table and sitting him down. She sat across from him, grinning brilliantly.  
  
It had been a while since he had last seen her, final exams coming up and the two becoming more difficult to watch over being reasons as to why. From the way her face glowed and the bags under her eyes were gone, he could only guess she was doing better. He noticed the slight touches of make-up on her face and he wondered who put it on for her. She laughed, her laugh so soft and carefree, as she reached over the table and pat his hands.  
  
“Order something,” she said breathily, her eyes shining and her face glowing. “I’ll treat you.”  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her, glancing over her and finally noticed the new coat and scarf she wore, the clothes so new that the colors practically radiated. He knew how much her family saved their money, their finances low, and knew they never would have been able to afford buying her new clothes, let alone allow her to treat him coffee. “You don’t need to,” he said delicately, gently pulling her hand off him. “I can buy my own drink.”  
  
Her face fell and he slightly regretted denying her. “I wanted to treat you,” she said sadly, her smile gone and replaced with a downtrodden expression. “Ji-hyun told me that I’m supposed to treat someone when I get my first job.”  
  
“You have a job?” he asked, surprised, and her face brightened again.  
  
“Yes, I was hired to work here.” Despite her excitement, she managed to still keep an air of embarrassment around her, hiding her face behind her hands as she laughed. “They hired me yesterday. I wanted to tell you first.”  
  
“Is that why you called me out?” His lip curved up at how happy she was, the sight a great welcome compared to how broken she had been. She was doing so well now.  
  
“Were…were you busy? You didn’t have to come see me if you were busy.”  
  
“I’m proud of you.” That brought the smile back, her cheeks reddening and lowering her head so her hair shielded her face. Her hands covering her face again, she turned to one of the waitresses who had been watching them, hoarsely calling out to her. He watched her as she ordered, her face flushed as she pointed to something on the menu for both of them. Seeing how she spoke on her own without having to be prodded or helped, he couldn’t help but see how much she changed. He still remembered clearly the first day Hak-yeon had introduced him to her; so shy that she couldn’t look at him without having Hak-yeon by her side. She had been a wreck the first couple years after Hak-yeon refused to see her; it was a miracle how much she had improved in this last year.  
  
Neither spoke while they waited, both of them people who enjoyed silence over anything. He noticed she had dyed her hair a soft auburn, something he found odd when she had stubbornly kept the same silver color Hak-yeon used for years. He didn’t have a chance to ask her about it when the waitress returned with their drinks, placing the cups in front of them. Saet-byul hummed happily as she hurriedly brought the mug to her lips, sipping contentedly.  
  
He could tell she wanted to say something to him, her fingers twitching every time she put the cup down, biting her lower lip nervously. He waited patiently for her to ready herself, having perfected his patience level dealing with the two at home. Finally, she glanced up at him, her eyes suddenly sad.  
  
“Taek-woon oppa…how is N doing?”  
  
He spluttered as he nearly spit his coffee on himself, instead slurping the hot drink and burning his tongue. He coughed as he tried to catch his breath, his mouth burning. She jumped at his reaction, grabbing a bunch of napkins and hurriedly helping him clean up the table. She attempted to wipe his face but he stopped her, cleaning his own face instead. “I’m sorry,” she gushed. “I didn’t mean to surprise you or anything. I just worry about him and you haven’t mentioned him in a while-”  
  
“It’s alright Saet-byul,” he reassured, getting up to throw the napkins away. He could feel her eyes on him the entire time, and he tiredly sat back down. She fidgeted, nearly biting a hold into her lip.  
  
“N…he…he’s…okay, right?”  
  
“He’s doing fine,” he lied, a lie that he no longer felt guilty for telling. Despite her promise to stay away from Hak-yeon, she asked about him every time they met without fail. It was almost as if he was the only thing she could think of, and there were times he wondered how she was able to get by without seeing him. He had seen how close she and Hak-yeon had been, seen how much they loved each other; he didn’t have the heart to tell her how broken the other had become.  
  
Surprisingly, she didn’t seem relieved in the least, instead her mouth tugging into a frown and her fingers around her mug tightening. “Please don’t lie to me,” she whispered. “Even though he refuses to see me, I know he’s not doing well.” He blinked, wondering how she was able to tell how bad Hak-yeon was. But there were things that went on between them that he never truly understood. “He’s not well, is he?”  
  
He shook his head, his lips pursed.  
  
She started at that, leaning forward as her body shook. “Can I see him? Please let me see him, Taek-woon oppa.”  
  
He just shook his head again. “He doesn’t want to see you; I’m not going to go against what he wants. I’m sorry Saet-byul.” Her face crumbled as she fell back into her chair, tears prickling the edges of her eyes. It was then that he knew she didn’t call him out here to tell him about her new job. He didn’t want to disappoint her like this, but he knew deep down that Hak-yeon had a reason for refusing to see her.  
  
She sat completely still for a long minute before finally breathing out a slow sigh, wiping away her tears with her palms. “I’m sorry,” she said, chuckling bitterly as she absentmindedly went through her pockets and pulled out her small coin purse. “I really did mean to tell you only good things today. I’m sorry for crying in front of you.” She hurried away to pay for the drinks before he had a chance to open his mouth, and he could feel the eyes of all the workers on him, no doubt having watched her cry.  
  
He sat awkwardly as he waited, uncomfortable with all the stares sent his way, and inwardly wished that she would move faster. She eventually came back, not a trace of tears of sadness on her face as she pulled him up from his seat, clinging tightly onto his arm. She didn’t waste any time dragging him out of there, no doubt desperately wanting to get away.  
  
The snow was still falling heavily when they stepped outside, the sky dark and gray despite it being only early afternoon. He felt her press into his side and he glanced down to see her shiver, her long hair already dotted with snow. She noticed him staring and her cheeks reddened, burying her face into the crook of her scarf and shyly pulling his hand out of his pocket and holding it softly. She lifted it to her lips and blew on it gently. “Do you have anywhere to go after this?” she asked, her voice loud in the surprisingly quiet day; the weather heavy enough that only the brave or desperate were out and about. A brief image of the two sitting at home alone flashed through his mind, waiting for him, and he shook his head. They would be fine.  
  
“Would you be able to walk with me for a bit? I don’t want to go home just yet.”  
  
He couldn’t say no to her, her eyes still so wide and innocent, silently nodding his head. She squealed happily as she immediately started walking away, his hand still in hers. He wanted to pull his hand away, very much aware of the stares sent their way, but she was so blissfully unaware that he forced himself to stay still.  
  
“Your hair…it’s red.” He berated himself for sounding so awkward, though luckily she didn’t think anything of it as she twirled a few strands of her hair between her fingers.  
  
“I decided to change it,” she said slowly. “Hyuk told me that I should try forgetting about N, and this was the first step.” He vaguely remembered Hyuk as the boy who sometimes came with them when they would wander around Seoul back before everything happened. He only remembered him because Hak-yeon had constantly teased him for liking Saet-byul. He didn’t know that she had kept in contact with him. “Do you like it?”  
  
“It’s nice,” he mumbled, and she beamed.  
  
She led him down a multitude of side streets and pathways, venturing further and further away from downtown, an air of calm settling around them. He noticed her mood changing little by little as they walked, her stride slowing and her shoulders slumping. He frowned, though he didn’t have a chance to think about it for long when she stopped. “Taek-woon oppa,” she said suddenly, her face turned away so he couldn’t meet her eyes, “do you think it’s my fault?”  
  
He frowned. “Your fault for what?”  
  
“They all said it was my fault, what happened to N and the others. That I’m a kidnapper and murderer’s daughter.”  
  
“Who’s saying that?” he demanded, yanking on her hand and stopping her. She still refused to look at him, though he knelt slightly to try and meet her gaze. Her face was flushed, tears running down her cheeks and her lips trembling.  
  
“Nobody,” she mumbled, though her voice shook and he could tell she was lying. He didn’t want to press her though. “I…is that why N doesn’t want to see me? Because he thinks that?”  
  
“Saet-byul-”  
  
“He knew the whole time!” she suddenly snapped, snatching her hand away and attempting to glare at him, the attempt only making her cry harder. “My mom forced him to take care of me by keeping his brother locked in the basement! I knew he was miserable, and I knew that he probably hated every second he was there, but I thought that he didn’t actually hate _me_. B-but…” she hiccupped, desperately trying to wipe her tears away. “But the moment my mom is taken away, he leaves me. He doesn’t even ask about me or come to see me even for a minute. All I ever needed was N…but…but…”  
  
He watched as she devolved into pitiful sobs, her voice breaking. “What do I do Taek-woon oppa? I miss him so much and he doesn’t miss me at all. Taek-woon oppa, what do I do?”  
  
He stuttered as he tried to find something to say to comfort her, unsure of what to say or do in this situation. He wouldn’t say he wasn’t shocked with the things she had just revealed to him; Hak-yeon had refused to tell him anything about what had happened during his time there, and there had been no one else he could ask. He didn’t know Hak-yeon had a brother and that both of them had been trapped there. If Saet-byul knew of this the whole time, and Hak-yeon knew this, it wasn’t hard to see why he didn’t want to see her.  
  
But that wouldn’t console her. “It’s not your fault,” he finally said lamely, taking a second before draping his long arms over her and pulling her into a hug. She didn’t wait as she pressed her face against his chest, sobbing, her arms wrapping around his waist and clutching tightly. He repeatedly told her it wasn’t her fault, resting his head on hers reminiscent of the way he had seen Hak-yeon do to her before. It had the intended effect, her sobs softening until they were barely a whimper.  
  
She eventually pulled away from him, her arms still holding him tight, chuckling softly. “You look like you’re in pain,” she laughed, resting her head on his chest again. “Do my hugs burn?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I like N’s hugs better.” She waited a little longer before finally letting go, smiling her painful smile that only made her tearstained cheeks glow. “I’m sorry you had to see that Taek-woon oppa. But thank you.”  
  
“Cry if you need to,” he said solemnly, and he could see the shock pass over her face before she nodded.  
  
“I promise.”  
  
She refused to let him come any farther with her after that, no doubt embarrassed, insisting that she could get home on her own. He wasn’t completely comfortable with letting her go home on her own after seeing her cry, but she wouldn’t listen. She was nothing but cheerful as she waved him goodbye, promising to call him later and to pass along her love to Hak-yeon. He nodded and indulged her, promising while inwardly having no desire to tell Hak-yeon. Though he wasn’t sure the other would even react if he did.  
  
He waited until he couldn’t see her retreating back any longer before heading back home, stopping by the local market. It was around that time again; he headed straight to the hair products and grabbed a can of silver hair dye. Hak-yeon would always get difficult if he didn’t dye his hair in time for it to start fading. He grabbed two bottles, preparing himself so next time he wouldn’t have to come out again, and hurriedly paid, wanting to get home before the snow got too bad.  
  
He had long come to expect the unnerving silence that greeted him when he opened the apartment door, neither of the two anywhere in sight. He headed straight to the kitchen, his eyes honing in on a lone foot sticking out from under the table. He carefully placed the bags on the countertop, pretending to look through it as he glanced under the table. There the two sat, huddled together with Hong-bin pressed firmly into Hak-yeon’s chest as they stared up at him. He pretended not to notice them as he set about cooking the three of them dinner.  
  
They waited a while until it seemed he was too preoccupied to notice, their heads tentatively sticking out. Hak-yeon was the first to move, crawling out on his hands and knees very slowly, his eyes locked on him and his every movement. Hong-bin followed after him, his movements much slower and scared, clinging to the other when he finally crawled out. The two stood up together, holding onto each other as they tentatively came up to him, eyes locked on his hands.  
  
He made sure not to pay them any attention, not wanting to startle them. As he pulled out the beef he bought the other day, he could hear curious hands searching through the shopping bag. He heard a clanking noise and glanced over to see Hak-yeon and Hong-bin playing around with the hair dye. “Hak-yeon,” he said carefully, enunciating the name gently, and the smile on the other’s face vanished. “Would you like me to dye your hair after dinner?”  
  
Usually the other would nod, on his better days even insisting to dye it early. So he was surprised when Hak-yeon fiercely shook his head, setting it back on the counter. “I don’t want this color.”  
  
His eyes widened, mouth agape, as he set his knife down and turned to fully face the other. Hak-yeon surprisingly didn’t look away in fear or pull away, instead meeting his gaze with a near pout. It took him a minute to make a complete sentence.  
  
“You don’t want silver?”  
  
“No.”  
  
He blinked, wondering where this sudden burst of change came from, the other insisting on dying his hair the strange color for years. “Then what color would you like?”  
  
“Not this color.”  
  
He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried not to get frustrated, knowing inwardly that he should be excited for how much Hak-yeon was speaking on his own. He had to take this slow or the other might get scared and refuse to talk again. “Do you want black like mine?” He grabbed a handful of his own hair, though Hak-yeon only shook his head. “Do you want brown?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Then do you-”  
  
“Hak-yeon hyung doesn’t want it!” They both looked over to Hong-bin, the younger boy’s face flushed and his fingers wrapped tightly around Hak-yeon’s arm.  
  
“Then can you tell me what color he wants?” The two looked at each other, silently conversing with each other, before Hak-yeon raised a finger and pointed.  
  
“I want that color.” He followed the other’s line of sight and his face blanched; he had picked out one of the few things in the room that wasn’t white. The auburn cutting board with beef half cut on top. Auburn. He swallowed heavily as he ran a hand through his hair.  
  
“You want this color?” Hak-yeon nodded solemnly. “Well, I’ll run to the supermarket after dinner-”  
  
“Now.”  
  
Not even minutes later he huffed to himself as he wrapped his scarf tight around his face, snow billowing in his eyes, inwardly hissing that Hak-yeon better appreciate this.  
  
  
The two were standing patiently at the door when he finally returned, two cans of auburn hair dye in hand. He didn’t have time to ask if they wanted to eat first, Hak-yeon stepping forward and pulling the can out of his hand. He examined it silently, Hong-bin peeking out from behind his shoulder, before turning around and heading straight for the bathroom.  
  
He couldn’t even be annoyed.  
  
He made his way to the bathroom, Hak-yeon already running the water and quietly climbing into the bathtub. He couldn’t hold back a small gasp as he ran to the bath, hurriedly checking if the water was warm. The last time Hak-yeon had tried to take a bath on his own, he had freezing cold water run. He had been sick with a cold and fever for the next week. He sighed with relief when he felt the warm water run over his fingers.  
  
Hak-yeon, finally noticing him, grabbed a towel nearby, his movements slow and sluggish from the wet clothes that hung off his body. The older boy gave him a small smile when he offered the towel up to him, that smile vanishing the moment he took it, gently draping it over the other’s shoulders. Since the day his family had taken the older boy home with them, Hak-yeon refused to wear anything that revealed any of his skin. He wouldn’t even change in front of him. That included the times when he had to dye his hair, insisting on entering the bath fully clothed.  
  
He grabbed the showerhead, placing a gentle hand on the other’s head before turning the water on, letting it rain down on his hair. The other boy stayed silent as he wet his hair, and he made sure to take this chance to give him a proper bath. He worked the shampoo and conditioner into his hair to get out all the dust and dirt that collected from all the corners he hid in. He wondered if he could convince Hong-bin to bathe too, knowing he was probably just as filthy.  
  
It was when he was finally adding the hair dye to his head that Hak-yeon’s hands moved, raising up and placing them over his own. He paused, leaning slightly to try and meet the other’s eyes to see what he needed only to be ignored in favor of staring at the door. He turned to see Hong-bin peeking his head inside, his fingers drumming on the side panel.  
  
“Binnie,” Hak-yeon said pleasantly, a lazy smile forming on his lips. “Binnie, come here.”  
  
Immediately the boy padded across the room, not giving Taek-woon a second glance as he climbed into the bathtub, also fully clothed. He inwardly sighed; he would have to make sure they changed into dry clothes before leaving. He didn’t want puddles of water around the apartment again. Hong-bin sat down in Hak-yeon’s lap, leaning his head back to get a look at the other’s face, a lopsided grin on his lips. “Hak-yeon hyung, your hair looks funny.”  
  
“Taek-woonie hasn’t finished,” Hak-yeon replied, lovingly wrapping his arms around the younger’s thin shoulders. While neither said anything after, he took that as his cue to continue, hurrying to finish before the dye was ruined. He didn’t realize how much hair Hak-yeon had, already deciding to give him a haircut. Hong-bin too; the two always had to do everything together.  
  
He ran hot water through the other’s now auburn locks once he finished, clearing out all the excess shampoo and bubbles to reveal his silky hair. “It’s all done,” he said softly. “Wait here, I’ll bring your clothes-”  
  
“No. Not yet.” Hak-yeon turned slightly, Hong-bin still sitting on his lap, and grabbed the can of dye, dumping a glob of it on Hong-bin’s head.  
  
“Hak-yeon, wait!” He snatched the can out of his hand and Hak-yeon sent him a horrified look, and he quickly backtracked. “Sorry, you just have to make sure his hair is wet first.” Hak-yeon didn’t move, still frozen, as he dumped handfuls of water over Hong-bin’s head, the younger shivering each time. “There, it’s okay now. You can continue.” He stepped back, not making a sound, and after a few seconds Hak-yeon finally moved again, his lips pursed as he started to mechanically wash the other’s head.  
  
“It tickles hyung,” Hong-bin giggled, though it didn’t get any response from the older.  
  
He left the two of them alone, knowing Hak-yeon wanted to be alone. He left two clean sets of clothes outside the door, listening briefly until he could hear their soft whispers from inside, Hak-yeon gently urging Hong-bin to take off his clothes. He cooked for dinner while he waited for them, working slow enough that he was still cooking by the time the two of them snuck out of the bathroom. Hak-yeon was back to normal by then; cooing softly into Hong-bin’s ear with fingers running through the younger’s thick, newly reddish locks. When he sat down with them to give them their food, something else happened that took him by surprise.  
  
Hak-yeon’s hand snuck out and grasped his wrist when he moved to sit down, pulling slightly. He stared in the other’s eyes for a second, trying to see what he wanted, before he tentatively moved to kneel by his side. A smile grew as Hak-yeon pushed Hong-bin away gently to grab his plate, scooping a handful of vegetables up with his chopsticks and holding it up in front of Taek-woon’s face.  
  
“Eat,” he said, an almost cheerful tone in his voice, and Taek-woon wasn’t sure if he could hide the warming of his face. He carefully let him feed him, and Hak-yeon’s face brightened. “Eat more,” he said, scooping a huge chunk of kimchi and shoving it in his mouth.  
  
“Hyung,” Hong-bin whined, petulant about being ignored, though he felt he couldn’t really be bothered to comfort him. He was sure it was obvious how red his face was when Hak-yeon grabbed a piece of meat, blowing on it gently before offering it to him. He opened his mouth, waiting, but he never was able to eat it, Hong-bin frustratingly tugging Hak-yeon’s arm and purposefully eating the food, glaring daggers at him. Hak-yeon only blinked before shifting and feeding the other.  
  
He couldn’t hide his disappointment when he went back to his seat, eating alone. Hak-yeon gave no indication he moved, his attention solely paid on Hong-bin.  
  
He sighed.  
  
After dinner, he made sure the two of them crawled into their own bed, waiting until they were asleep before closing the door.  
  
The next morning he found the two of them pressed firmly into his back, their trembling fingers clutching his sleeve.


	2. Chapter 2

He sighed as he bent down and fixed Hak-yeon’s scarf, the other too disorientated to do it himself. Hong-bin yawned next to him, rubbing his eyes, as he leaned his head on the elder’s shoulders.  
  
He knew they didn’t like being woken up early, but he had morning classes today and he had to make sure the two of them were dressed warmly before leaving. To save on gas bills he usually turned the heat off during the day, and if they were left alone would spend the whole day freezing. They were pretty good about keeping their clothes on, so he never had to worry too much once he left.  
  
He made sure the two of them had started eating before leaving, locking the door behind him.  
  
Normally a good student, he found it increasingly frustrating that he couldn’t pay attention throughout his classes, his thoughts mainly preoccupied with Hak-yeon. For years, he had watched the other boy wither away; eventually becoming the reclusive hermit he was now. He had watched him suffer for so long, suffering to the point he became completely dependent on Taek-woon. There had never been any change, so the fact that Hak-yeon had been so out-spoken last night worried him.  
  
Was he getting better? Worse? What if he hurt himself? He had never gotten to that point, but it was always something he worried about. Especially when Hong-bin was there to encourage every single thing he did.  
  
The day passed in a blur, the result being he probably would have been better off not coming at all. But he didn’t pay any attention to that, only wanting to get back home as soon as possible. He was barely off campus when he felt something hard connect with the back of his head. He whirled around, glaring down at…the shoe at his feet. He snapped his head up to try and find the one who threw it, eyes narrowing on one guy with only one shoe, waving cheekily. The guy hobbled over, ignoring him as he slipped his shoe back on.  
  
He pursed his lips as he impatiently waited, growing more and more agitated the longer the guy took. Finally he looked up at him, the same annoying smile on his face, snickering. “And hello to you too.”  
  
“Who-”  
  
“How are Hak-yeon and Bin?” The words he had been preparing to snap were quickly lost as he stumbled, trying to figure out how he knew about the two. He didn’t recognize him, but then the only people who know about both Hak-yeon and Hong-bin had been the guys admitted to the hospital with them. He stared a little longer, trying to figure out which one of the guys he was, there were so many of them, when-  
  
“Baek-hyun.”  
  
The guy’s eyebrows raised in slight surprise before snorting. “That’s great you remember me. Now answer my question. How are they?”  
  
“They’re fine,” he said tersely, stepping away to leave. He needed to get home, to check on them, still worried about Hak-yeon’s recent behavior. But Baek-hyun didn’t seem intent on letting him go, a hand shooting out and yanking him back. He glared right back at the other, not about to show how his grip actually hurt.  
  
“I don’t think you understand,” he growled, stepping forward. He couldn’t help but think the other was amusing, trying to glare him down when he barely passed his chest. “Even though we didn’t want to, we let Hak-yeon and Bin go with you because it was something Hak-yeon wanted. That didn’t mean they cut off contact with us and you hide them away. You moved away without telling us, and I am this close to beating you to find them myself.”  
  
He showed no reaction to the other’s words as his mind swirled, trying to process this new information. He didn’t realize Hak-yeon bad been that close with these guys; he had never made any attempt to call them. He wasn’t sure of their relationship with the two, but if Hak-yeon didn’t want to talk to them, he wasn’t going to give them anything.  
  
“We moved for school.”  
  
Baek-hyun blinked, his grip loosening for a second before growing just as tight. “I fucking threaten to kill you and that’s all you have to say?” He hummed in response, forcibly ripping his arm away. Baek-hyun’s face clouded.  
  
“Hey-”  
  
“If Hak-yeon wants to talk to you, he’ll talk to you.” He didn’t wait for the other’s response as he crossed the street. He could hear him shouting his name, his shoe hitting him in the back, but he kept going until he could no longer hear him.  
  
He could barely hold back a gasp when he came home to see a pair of scissors in Hong-bin’s hand, half of Hak-yeon’s hair on the floor. The two blinked owlishly up at him, as if there was nothing wrong with the situation. He hurriedly ran over and pried the scissors from his hand, the other only letting out an indignant huff, and to get a better look at Hak-yeon’s hair. Parts of his hair stuck straight up while a few strands here and there hung limply at his shoulders. He groaned.  
  
Hak-yeon smiled, reaching out and patting Hong-bin’s hand gently. “Binnie wanted to cut my hair.”  
  
“Mm.” He ran a hand through Hak-yeon’s hair, trying to figure the best way to fix it. He started cutting, Hong-bin whining behind him. It was silent for a while, the only sound being the scissors cutting, when Hak-yeon suddenly spoke up again, his voice choked with sobs.  
  
 _“Thank you, Taek-woon.”_  
  
He frowned in concern when the older sniffled, hurriedly pushing his thick bangs away to see tears running down his cheeks. He took in the flushed face and trembling lips, inwardly panicking. Hak-yeon never cried; in the many years he knew him, he never cried. “What’s wrong Hak-yeon?” he asked gently. Hak-yeon opened his mouth to answer when Hong-bin shoved Taek-woon aside, burying himself in the elder’s lap and wrapping his arms around his waist. Hak-yeon crushed the younger boy close to him, a hand wrapped around his head and his face buried in the other’s hair.  
  
He waited patiently for Hak-yeon to continue, watching as he heaved quietly, his knuckles turning white as his nails dug into Hong-bin’s skin. He wasn’t surprised, however, when Hak-yeon eventually did look up at him expectantly, the only evidence he had cried being his red eyes and dried tears. He sighed tiredly and continued cutting his hair, patiently pausing every time the two of them squirmed.  
  
Hong-bin demanded his hair cut too, insisting he had to because Hak-yeon did. He refused to move from Hak-yeon’s lap, however, so Taek-woon had to awkwardly work around the other. He had to frustratingly yank the boy still whenever he insisted on cuddling into Hak-yeon’s chest, earning him a glare from the younger boy.  
  
He was in the middle of cutting Hong-bin’s hair when he said gently, carefully, “Hak-yeon, do you know a Baek-hyun?”  
  
Hak-yeon immediately stiffened, jerking Hong-bin and causing Taek-woon to chop off a large chunk of hair. He treaded very carefully. “Hak-yeon?”  
  
“I know,” was the whispered answer, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
“Baek-hyun hyung?” Hong-bin piped up, his hands clasping over Hak-yeon’s.  
  
“Mm,” he hummed, grabbing Hong-bin’s head again to hold him still. “I saw him today.”  
  
“What?” Hak-yeon snapped his head up to stare at him, eyes scrunched in confusion. “Why? What did he do to you?”  
  
He blinked, surprised at his sudden viciousness. “He didn’t do anything. He asked about you.”  
  
“Don’t say anything,” he demanded, hand shooting out and closing tightly around his wrist. “Don’t tell him anything Taek-woon.” He paused for a second before nodding reassuringly.  
  
“I won’t.”  
  
  
Baek-hyun was waiting for him outside his school gate, a couple other guys on either side of him. They glared at all the passersby, scoping out for him and scowling to themselves. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he walked up to them, the tall guy to Baek-hyun’s left glaring daggers at him.  
  
“You!”Baek-hyun snapped, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Did you think we would leave you alone?”  
  
“What do you want?” he asked tiredly. The tall guy suddenly stepped forward, pushing Baek-hyun behind him protectively.  
  
“Where are Hak-yeon and Bin?” he demanded, straightening as best he could to appear to glare down at him. He stared back, unfazed, and attempted to walk away. He hissed, beyond annoyed, when one of them grabbed his wrist.  
  
“I’m going to ask one last time. Where-”  
  
“They don’t want to see you.”  
  
“Bullshit!” Baek-hyun nearly shrieked, jumping out and getting dangerously close again. “They would never-”  
  
“They did.” He yanked his hand back, his wrist throbbing, and headed to class. He could see Baek-hyun attempted to charge at him out of the corner of his eye, the taller one reluctantly holding him back.  
  
Whispers went out around campus of the three boys stationed outside the front gate, his own name sprinkled here and there. He loathed the glances sent his way, it feeling too reminiscent to his high school days, and scowled when he saw them waiting for him on his way home.  
  
He made sure to go a different way.  
  
  
  
The two were cuddling on the sofa when he came home, Hong-bin asleep in Hak-yeon’s arms while the other stroked his head. Hak-yeon made no movement when he closed the door, lost in his own world, until he passed by, his hand shooting out and pulling him back. He looked up at him with his listless eyes, his face stone cold as he whispered out, “Who did this to you, Taek-woonie?”  
  
He followed his line of sight down to his wrist where a large purple bruise had formed. He frowned. He didn’t think he grabbed him that hard. He gently pulled his hand away, attempting to hide the bruise, but that only made it worse. Hak-yeon rolled Hong-bin off his lap as he stood up, snatching his wrist and holding it up in front of him.  
  
“Did Baek-hyun do this to you?”  
  
“Hak-yeon-”  
  
“Did he?” Hak-yeon pressed, his voice growing more and more clipped. “Did they hurt you trying to find me?”  
  
“It’s nothing,” he tried again, putting a hand over the other’s and gently pushing it off. Hak-yeon stared at his hand for a second, as if trying to figure out what he was doing, before glaring at him again.  
  
“If he’s hurting you to find me-”  
  
“He’s not,” he cut in, hoping for once that Hak-yeon would get scared from his harsher tone and back off. He wasn’t sure why Hak-yeon was so afraid of Baek-hyun finding him; he didn’t find the other very intimidating despite all the threats he spewed at him. There wasn’t any threat. If Hak-yeon didn’t want them finding him, he wouldn’t let them. It was as simple as that.  
  
His hard tone surprisingly had the opposite effect, Hak-yeon’s face tightening and suddenly he was out of the room. Panicking at what could be going through his mind, he hurriedly followed after him, Hong-bin hot on his heels. He ran to see Hak-yeon fumbling with one of Taek-woon’s coats, the large piece of clothing draping off his thin frame, the sleeves billowing over his shaking fingers as he tried to do one of the buttons.  
  
He ran over and quickly grabbed the other’s hands, ignoring his frustrated yell. “What are you doing?”  
  
“I’m going to find him. I’m going to beat his ass for hurting you.”  
  
If it wasn’t for the situation, he would have been touched.  
  
“Hak-yeon, you have no idea where he is.”  
  
“I’ll find him.”  
  
“Do you even know what to do when you go outside? You haven’t been outside since...” he trailed off, not wanting to bring up the last time he had been outside. Hak-yeon understood though, irritably pushing his hands off and finishing buttoning. Hak-yeon shoved him aside, hand reaching for the doorknob, when Hong-bin suddenly cried out, lunging and pulling Hak-yeon’s hand away.  
  
“Don’t go hyung!” he shouted, clinging desperately to his arm. “Don’t leave me hyung!”  
  
Hak-yeon’s determination vanished the moment he saw the tears on the other’s face, cupping his cheeks in his hands and cooing softly. “Shh, Binnie, I won’t leave you. I’ll never leave you.”  
  
“Don’t go,” Hong-bin rasped, his clumsy fingers picking at the buttons of Hak-yeon’s jacket. “Don’t leave Bin.”  
  
“I won’t leave you,” Hak-yeon repeated, using one hand to stroke the younger boy’s head and the other to push Hong-bin’s fingers away. “But Baek-hyun hurt Taek-woon, and I-”  
  
“Taek-woon hyung said he didn’t,” Bin snapped, squirming in his hold. “Don’t go outside...outside is scary. I don’t want to lose Hak-yeon hyung.” Hak-yeon faltered at that, his hands dropping to his side and allowing Hong-bin to rip the jacket off. Taek-woon grunted when Hong-bin chucked the coat to the floor, tugging Hak-yeon away back to the couch. By the time he hung the coat back up, the two were already cuddling again.  
  
But Hak-yeon wasn’t ready to let go of the matter.  
  
After putting the two of them to bed, he took a quick shower before heading to his room, quickly masking his surprise when he found Hak-yeon sitting on his bed. He cleared his throat as he hurried over to change, only a towel wrapped around his waist, feeling Hak-yeon’s eyes on him the entire time. He frowned when Hak-yeon only continued to stare at him, the fierceness in his stare from earlier already gone.  
  
“Is something wrong?”  
  
Hak-yeon fidgeted, his eyes glancing at the spot next to him, and he understood immediately, taking a seat next to him. “Hak-yeon-"  
  
His mouth snapped shut when Hak-yeon silently took his hand in his own, his lithe fingers tracing Taek-woon’s. He watched as Hak-yeon slowly traced down his palm, moving to his bruised wrist. Knowing what the other was doing, he tried to yank his hand away but Hak-yeon held onto him viciously, the tight grip nearly crushing him. “Does it hurt?” Hak-yeon asked gently, his touch suddenly so gentle it almost tickled. He shook his head and Hak-yeon breathed out softly, rubbing circles over his skin with his thumb.  
  
“If anything ever hurts, let me know. Don’t hide anything from me Taek-woonie.” He gasped in surprise when Hak-yeon stood up and abruptly pushed him down, his hands harsh. Hak-yeon grabbed a pillow and forcibly shoved it under Taek-woon’s head, slapping the blanket over him. While he winced every time Hak-yeon unwittingly smacked and slapped him, he noted grimly that he was mimicking how Taek-woon would tuck the two of them to bed every night.  
  
He forgot all that though when Hak-yeon quietly climbed into bed next to him, pressing his body up against his own. He made sure not to make any sudden movements, letting Hak-yeon take his time settling, the bed sheets rustling every time the elder tossed and turned. Finally Hak-yeon stopped moving, his arms reaching over and wrapping around Taek-woon’s waist, his fingers intertwining over his stomach. He was acutely aware of Hak-yeon’s warm breath on his back, his forehead pressing gently into the nape of his neck; he held back every instinct to roll over and hug him only because he knew it would scare the other.  
  
So instead, he relished in the feeling of Hak-yeon’s body melded into his own. They were never able to spend much time together, the latter nearly always having Hong-bin attached to the side, and Hong-bin hated sharing. It was strange that Hak-yeon willingly left Hong-bin by himself, something he never does, and he wondered if Hong-bin knew.  
  
He found out three hours later, when the apartment was filled with ear-piercing screams and Hak-yeon shot off to the other bedroom to soothe the terrified boy.  
  
\--  
  
“Hyukkie!” A large, embarrassed smile broke out on Sang-hyuk’s face when Saet-byul called out his name, waving excitedly. He shook off the snow in his hair as he glanced around the small café, noting that it was completely empty save for a couple talking mutely in the corner. But he kept the smile on his face as he walked up to the counter, focusing on how wide Saet-byul’s grin was as she leaned over the counter, her newly dyed hair flowing down her shoulders. “Did you come to see me on my first day?”  
  
“Of course!” he laughed, reaching over and ruffling her hair. He could feel her stiffen slightly under his touch and he quickly pulled away, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. She was still smiling though, pushing her hair back behind her ears and flashing him her teeth.  
  
“Would you like to order something?”  
  
“Just my regular.”  
  
It was quiet as she made his coffee, the place eerily silent. He watched out of the corner of his eyes as the couple got up and left. He wasn’t sure if he liked this place; it was out of the way and near the bad part of the city. Not only that but the place was so empty and seemed to be doing bad –there had to be better places she could be working at.  
  
“Here you go!” she shouted cheerfully, shoving his cappuccino into his hands.  
  
“Thank you!” he replied back just as cheerfully, taking the hot cup and taking a sip. The moment the drink hit his tongue he gagged at the taste, coughing into his hand. Saet-byul was quick to react, hurriedly shoving napkins into his hands.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she gushed. “I haven’t made a cappuccino before so I tried to follow the instructions and-”  
  
“It’s fine,” he wheezed out, smacking his lips as he tried fruitlessly to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth. She continued to apologize to him until he agreed to let her make him a new cup. He sat down at the table nearest the counter, sending her a reassuring smile. It didn’t work; she was completely focused as she attempted to make the perfect coffee.  
  
He was in the middle of checking his phone when someone sat in the chair opposite of him; he looked up to see Saet-byul holding his coffee. “Here Hyukkie,” she said quietly, handing the cup over carefully. She watched him silently as he took a sip, her eyes focused on the cup, and her whole face lit up when he sighed contently. “It’s perfect,” he praised, this time much more prepared in hiding how bad it tasted.  
  
“Really?” she asked in relief, clapping her hands together. “I was worried I would mess it up again.”  
  
“It’s much better this time,” he reassured, forcing himself to take another sip. She squealed in delight as she quickly pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of him. He watched sadly as she hurriedly checked the picture, humming happily.  
  
She had developed the habit of taking pictures of everything, all with the mindset of showing them to Woo-jin. While he wasn’t sure what exactly happened between the two, he _did_ know that Woo-jin had abandoned Saet-byul. He had watched her fall apart, clinging desperately onto anything that reminded her of him, crying, suffering; which was why he was determined to help her forget him. She glanced up from her phone, a phone that he had made sure to replace the one Woo-jin originally bought her, to see him staring at her. Her bright smile faded as she dropped her phone into her lap, guilty. She knew he didn’t like her taking pictures.  
  
“You know he’s never going to see them,” he said softly, reprimanding, and her lips pursed, her shoulders shaking.  
  
“He will,” she said weakly, stubbornly. “One day I’ll see him again and I’ll show him all my pictures.”  
  
“Saet-byul, he’s not coming back. It’s been five years already.” Tears were running down her cheeks by now, and he sighed. He hadn’t come here to make her cry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. You just need to forget about him. It’s not good to wait like this.”  
  
“I-I know,” she hiccupped, her fingers absentmindedly running over her phone screen. “I’ll try…it’s just…I really miss him. N was so special to me, and sometimes I imagine waking up and he’s there again. That he never left me.” She grabbed a couple of the napkins she brought him, wiping her cheeks and drying her eyes. “I need to stop crying,” she wheezed, trying her best to appear okay. “My boss is going to think I’m always crying.”  
  
“You’ll get over him,” he promised and she looked up at him in confusion. “I’ll help you forget him.”  
  
“How can I?” she asked skeptically. “No one’s arms will ever be as warm as his, no one will make me feel as safe and warm as he did. How can I forget that?”  
  
“You need to find someone new. As long as you stay to yourself and only remember him, you’ll never forget him.” He suddenly straightened in his seat, shoulders pushed back to puff out his chest. “If you really want, I could-”  
  
 _“Where’s my little star?”_ Both their heads snapped to the door at the loud voice that seemed so out of place in the quiet store, a deep scowl growing on his face.  
  
“Jae-hwan!” Saet-byul cried out excitedly, shoving her phone back in her pocket as she shot up from her seat, running over to greet the older boy. Sang-hyuk couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that his big moment had been cut off, his shoulders drooping. Saet-byul was completely ignorant to his depressed state, instead bouncing with anticipation as Jae-hwan took a sweeping view of the place.  
  
“So is this the place my little star is working at?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and affectionately pulling her head into his side. Sang-hyuk noticed how Saet-byul squirmed at the touch, trying her best to smile despite feeling uncomfortable. If it was anyone else touching her he would have already been up and shoving them away, but Jae-hwan was an exception. Like him, Jae-hwan didn’t know the details of what happened, only knowing that she needed some sort of comfort.  
  
That was the only thing Sang-hyuk acknowledged Jae-hwan to be better at than him.  
  
“Y-yes,” Saet-byul stuttered out, pushing Jae-hwan’s big hand away so she could point to the counter. “I make people their coffee.”  
  
“Is it any good?” Jae-hwan asked, looking right over her head to Sang-hyuk, his whole face scrunching up when Sang-hyuk shook his head frantically. Saet-byul missed the exchange, breaking away and running over to the counter.  
  
“Yes! I messed up my first cup but Hyukkie said the second one was much better. Would you like anything to drink?”  
  
Like him, Jae-hwan was unable to tell her no, in the end ordering the same thing he did. He couldn’t help but splutter a laugh at the face he made after his first sip.  
  
“Does it taste good?” she asked.  
  
“I-it’s…good,” he eventually muttered out, rubbing his large nose as he sniffed, the taste obviously getting to him. But his lie made her extremely happy, the idea that just a few minutes ago she was crying nearly laughable.  
  
“Sit down,” she offered, running around the counter to lead them back to the table they were sitting at earlier. “I have to clean up the counter really quick, but since it’s not very busy today, I can sit with you until someone else comes.” She sent them both bright smiles before running off, leaving them to sit in awkward silence with two cups of cooling coffee in between them.  
  
Both of them ignored their coffee, neither knowing what to say when Saet-byul wasn’t with them. Eventually Jae-hwan did speak up, his fingers picking at the napkin dispenser on the table. “So, how are you today Hyukkie?”  
  
Sang-hyuk scowled again, shoving his hands into his pockets and glaring back at Jae-hwan’s wide smile. “Don’t call me that.”  
  
“Ooh, is that reserved only for Saet-byul?” The shit-eating grin grew even bigger, him wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He bit back a growl as he kicked him in the shin.  
  
“No, I just don’t want you saying it.”  
  
“I’m hurt! Here your hyung is asking how you’re doing and all you do is kick him. I’m hurt Hyukkie, so hurt!”  
  
“Shut up and just drink your coffee!”  
  
“Only if you drink first!” Sang-hyuk’s mouth snapped shut as he hurriedly looked out the window, not wanting to be called on his bluff. He really didn’t want to drink that coffee again. Still laughing, Jae-hwan leaned in conspiringly, a hand cupped over his mouth as if he didn’t want anyone in the empty café to hear. “So…did you ask Saet-byul out yet?”  
  
“W-what?” he spluttered, his face beat red as he felt his heart race. Jae-hwan burst out laughing, falling back into his chair.  
  
“Come on, you’re so obvious only someone like Saet-byul wouldn’t be able to notice. You need to just get over yourself before someone else asks.” Sang-hyuk sighed, knowing that Jae-hwan, as big of a pain in the ass that he was, was right. He stole a glance over to Saet-byul who was organizing the counter, catching her eye and blanching when she waved prettily at him. He hurriedly looked away. “See? You’re going to lose her if you keep acting like a scaredy-cat.”  
  
“I can’t,” he snapped back, straightening in his chair. “She’s still so hung up on Woo-jin sunbae that she’ll never look at me.”  
  
The mention of Woo-jin’s name wiped the smirk right off the other’s face, suddenly becoming much mellower. “You know, I really thought he was her brother that whole time. To think he was just some random guy that lived with her-”  
  
“Who are you talking about?”  
  
Both bit back high-pitched squeals when Saet-byul appeared behind Jae-hwan’s back, her bright face looking back and forth between the two of them curiously. Jae-hwan was able to cover his shock quicker than Sang-hyuk, and he distracted her by taking her hand and guiding her to sit down. It worked; she honed in on his hand and quickly pulled away when she sat down, rubbing her hand as if trying to wipe away his touch.  
  
“I was just telling Sang-hyuk that he should just confess.” Sang-hyuk’s eyes nearly burst out of their sockets, motioning with his eyes to the other that he would kill him if he continued talking. Saet-byul didn’t react for a few seconds before she silently turned to him, eyes questioning.  
  
“You like someone Hyukkie?” she asked, and if he didn’t know her as well as he did, he would have missed the playful tone in her voice.  
  
“N-no! Jae-hwan hyung is just being dumb! Don’t listen to him!”  
  
“I’m serious,” Jae-hwan insisted, scooting closer to her. “He’s just scared she’s going to say no and cry. Help me convince him!”  
  
She was giggling now, his face burning, as she leaned towards him, her smile wide across her face. “Is she pretty?”  
  
“She’s very, very pretty,” Jae-hwan cut in helpfully, earning himself another glare from Sang-hyuk.  
  
“Really? Is she nice?”  
  
“Yes!”  
  
“Stop it hyung!” Sang-hyuk whined, glancing to Saet-byul to see if she had figured it out or not. She didn’t seem to, luckily, instead only looking at him supportively.  
  
“Don’t be embarrassed Hyukkie, if you like her you should ask her. You’re smart and very nice, I’m sure she’ll say yes.”  
  
“But she might like someone else,” Sang-hyuk muttered quietly, hurriedly taking a big chug of coffee to hide how embarrassed he was, and just as quickly regretting it when he tasted the awful drink. Saet-byul nodded understandingly, her lower lip stuck out slightly in thought.  
  
“It still won’t hurt to ask,” she said thoughtfully, and he glanced up at her from under his fringe. “When I was with N, even though I knew he didn’t love me, I always told him how much I loved him. Even though it hurt, I was happy to tell him. I would rather him know at least how I felt than to never know.”  
  
That took the wind right out of his sails and he slumped back into his seat, Jae-hwan burying his face into his hands, ignoring how Saet-byul asked confusedly what was wrong.  
  
He really hated Woo-jin.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been over a week since he and Hak-yeon had slept together in the same bed, though neither of them ever mentioned it. Especially with Hong-bin around. The younger boy was extremely angry with Taek-woon for ‘stealing’ Hak-yeon away from him, never letting him have even a minute with the older boy. It got to the point that whenever the two of them were in the room together, he made it his mission to pull Hak-yeon away. Taek-woon was able to ignore it at first, but after a while of being glared at and Hak-yeon forced away every time he wanted to see the other, he grew annoyed.

But he couldn’t scold Hong-bin; the one time he did that was the only time he saw Hak-yeon truly angry.

He growled, his fists tightening, as he bit back his tongue and kept his face as passive as possible when Hong-bin swatted his hands away for the umpteenth time as he tried to dress the two of them before he headed off to school. He had only managed to put a hat on Hak-yeon’s head; Hong-bin viciously ripped the scarf off and Taek-woon couldn’t even get close enough to help him with his coat.

“Hong-bin-” he started as gently as possible.

“No!” Hong-bin snapped, wrapping his arms around Hak-yeon’s shoulders and pulling him close. “Don’t you dare touch Hak-yeon hyung!”

“I need to get him dressed before I go. It’s cold.”

“I’ll help him! You keep your disgusting hands away from him!”

“Fine,” he snapped, his hands visibly shaking as he all but shoved the winter garments into Hong-bin’s hands. “Make sure he wears everything. If he gets sick-”

“He won’t!”

He hurriedly left the room before he strangled the younger boy, breathing deeply as he tried to calm himself. Hong-bin was, he tried to reason to himself, in his own twisted way trying to protect Hak-yeon. As much as he wanted to kill him half the time, he knew Hong-bin was coming from a good place and was only trying to do what he thought was right.

He did check on them before leaving, sighing to himself when he saw Hong-bin holding Hak-yeon’s coat in his hands, measuring it up to Hak-yeon as if trying to figure out how to put it on. Hak-yeon sat completely still, waiting, his hands held out helpfully in front of him. Hong-bin eventually decided to put the coat on backwards, slipping Hak-yeon’s arms through the sleeves and going behind him to zip it up his back. It was when the two were staring at the coat confusedly, Hak-yeon’s arms still outstretched, that he decided to intervene.

“You put it on backwards Hong-bin,” he said softly, watching as Hong-bin ran over and tugged Hak-yeon away.

“I dressed him! You can go now!”

“You have to put his coat on the right way at least.” He ignored Hong-bin’s slaps as he unzipped the coat and tugged it off Hak-yeon’s arms, purposefully avoiding the elder’s eyes as he put it on correctly. “The coat goes on from the back.”

Hong-bin spluttered next to him, no longer hitting him as he watched carefully. “Y-you can’t touch him after this.”

He didn’t answer him as he pulled the scarf that had been wrapped around Hak-yeon’s face off and fixed it on his neck, spending extra time to make sure it fit perfectly. He gave Hak-yeon one final pat before turning to leave when he heard a small voice squeak behind him.

“W-wait.” He looked back to see Hong-bin fidgeting, suddenly finding his feet much more interesting. “C-can you help me with mine?” He followed Hong-bin’s shaking finger to the younger’s boys clothes, realizing he didn’t know how to put them on.

A smile tugged on his lips as he dropped his bag onto the floor, making sure not to look at Hong-bin as he picked up the younger’s coat. “It goes behind you, like this.” He threw the coat over Hong-bin’s shoulders, holding up the sleeves expectantly. “Slip your arms inside.” Hong-bin hesitated, looking up at him with both suspicion and adoration, eventually lifting his arms and slowly putting them through the sleeves. “I’ll teach you how to zipper it later,” he said, zipping up the coat and making sure he was warm.

Hong-bin reacted when Taek-woon picked up the hat, ripping it from his fingers and slamming it on his head. “I can do this by myself!”

“I’m sure.” He didn’t spare the other another glance as he grabbed his bag, now running late.

“Goodbye Taek-woonie,” he heard Hak-yeon faintly whisper as he left, but when he turned around the older boy was already busy pulling Hong-bin into a hug.

\--

Bin waited until he heard Taek-woon shut the door before burying his face in Hak-yeon’s chest, humming happily. Hak-yeon was so warm, he loved every second he was able to lay in the elder’s arms. Hak-yeon chuckled softly, his arms around Bin’s shoulders tightening and his soft lips pressed against Bin’s head.

They never needed to speak when it was just the two of them alone. Bin was able to understand anything and everything Hak-yeon needed. He was able to tell whenever his hyung was uncomfortable, sad, scared, lonely; he could tell everything. He was much better than Taek-woon. He could see Taek-woon always tried to talk to Hak-yeon, but he could never tell when Hak-yeon really wanted to talk. He couldn’t tell that Hak-yeon didn’t like loud noises, how he didn’t like it when Taek-woon was always so careful and gentle with him. That was why Bin was so much better than Taek-woon, Bin could always tell.

Hak-yeon shifted, grunting, and Bin could tell he wanted to move. Hak-yeon, even though he acted strangely at times and didn’t talk as much as he used to, still was nice to Bin and took care of him. He liked the attention. Hak-yeon kept him pressed to his front as he led him into the main room, holding him by the hand as he crouched onto the couch. He didn’t waste any time as he crawled into the elder’s lap, snuggling close and rubbing his face into Hak-yeon’s chest.

He wished it wasn’t so cold, he didn’t like these coats.

He wanted to lay his face on Hak-yeon without these annoying clothes; he wanted to feel his skin. His skin was much warmer than any of these clothes.

He shivered and Hak-yeon cooed, one hand beginning to run through Bin’s hair. “Are you cold Binnie?” he asked quietly, his voice tired. Hak-yeon hadn’t been sleeping well recently; Bin could tell whenever he rolled over to watch Hak-yeon as he slept that the older was awake, staring blankly at the ceiling.

He curled his legs closer to chest, forcing Hak-yeon to pull his legs apart, straddling him close. Hak-yeon pressed his lips again to Bin’s head, his one hand catching a knot in his hair. “Hyung will keep you warm.”

He didn’t know how long they laid that way, Bin snuggling close and warm against Hak-yeon’s body and Hak-yeon whispering sweet nothings to him as he stroked his head. Not that Bin really knew how time worked; he only knew a few ‘set’ times: breakfast, Hak-yeon, Taek-woon coming back, dinner, Hak-yeon again, bedtime. There was no time in between for him, there never needed to be.

He only needed Hak-yeon.

He had fallen asleep at one point, he always did when Hak-yeon hugged him, and when he looked up he found Hak-yeon staring at him intently. He shook his head and blinked his eyes, pushing his sleepiness away, as he rolled over slightly so he could look at the other better. He could see how Hak-yeon’s eyelids drooped and his eyes were glossy. He was sleepy. So Bin did what he could for his Hak-yeon; with little effort he tugged the other until he was lying on the couch with him, their bodies hanging precariously over the edge of the seat. They clung tightly to each other, gazing silently into each other’s eyes. Bin squeezed his eyes shut when Hak-yeon breathed on him gently, his breath so warm and soft, trying to force his mind to go anywhere else. After a couple seconds he peeked out of one eye, opening both in surprise when he found Hak-yeon already sleeping, his face peaceful.

Just listening to the rhythmic breathing of Hak-yeon was enough for Bin, and he watched quietly as the other slept. He liked watching him sleep. When Hak-yeon slept, he was vulnerable, and it was a time when Bin could watch over him and take care of him. Bin liked feeling like that, and he liked that feeling with Hak-yeon.

He was just about to close his eyes when there was suddenly a loud noise on the front door, each knock so loud it felt as if it was echoing in his ears. Hak-yeon’s eyes snapped open at the sound, placing both hands on Bin’s shoulders to push him down while he shot up, his head looking around. Bin scrambled as he hurriedly scratched and pulled at Hak-yeon’s arms to get his attention, his heart beating so erratically he wanted to cry out. Hak-yeon jumped when he scratched him, but at the moment he couldn’t think about that.

With a shaky hand he pointed to the front door in time for another knock to echo in the completely silent apartment. No, no! He couldn’t stand that loud noise, the sound of someone else being on the other side of that door, waiting for him. The idea of anyone else near him terrified him. When there was another knock, followed by a muffled, _“Is anyone there?”_ , he whimpered, his fingers wrapping so tightly around Hak-yeon’s wrists they turned white.

_“Hello? Jung Taek-woon? Are you there?”_

Hak-yeon quickly gathered Bin in his arms and shot out of the room, running straight to Taek-woon’s bedroom. Without letting go of Bin, he swung open the closet door and hurriedly threw all the shoes and empty bags away, crawling inside.

_“Hello?”_

Bin _screamed_ , suddenly no longer in the safe arms of Hak-yeon but back in the basement, looking up through tear-filled eyes as she stared down at him. All the dolls were staring at him again, their faces pressed against the bars and glass of their cages to watch him. She smiled brilliantly as she reached over the broken glass of his cage, grabbing Seok-jin. NO, she couldn’t take Seok-jin! He scrambled –panting, screaming– as he tried to grab Seok-jin back, pleading and crying that he would be a good boy for her. _Don’t take Seok-jin, don’t hurt him. Please, don’t hurt him. Bin will be good, Bin will do good. Please. Please._

She laughed, her high-pitched cackle always sent chills up his spine, as she threw Seok-jin down. Seok-jin didn’t get up. She hurt him. He bawled over Seok-jin, pleading for him to wake up, when she grabbed the back of his neck, her long nails digging into his skin and drawing blood. She laughed as he struggled, too afraid to pull away from her but so very afraid of what she was going to do to him.

_Watch me, watch what you’ve done._

She slammed his wrists onto the glass, cutting them up and squirting blood that ran all over his arms. He cried out, sobbing that it hurt and that he was sorry. She only laughed at him again, telling him not to move. He was too scared to do otherwise, too scared to pull his hands away even though every second it felt like agony. She went over and grabbed a doll. Bin didn’t have a doll, or he didn’t know if he had a doll. She never did anything with him. She only made him watch. He blanched.

He didn’t want to watch.

_He didn’t!_

She went over to one of the cages and unlocked the door, swinging the barred door open. She stepped inside, he couldn’t tell who she was talking to or who she wanted, but she could hear loud, clanking sounds. He cried, apologizing still, hoping she would stop. He didn’t want to watch!

She didn’t listen, dragging out Joon-myeon hyung. His leg was all weird; it was bent and gray, pieces of his bones sticking out. She threw him to the ground and looked back at Bin, grinning. _Look at what you’ve done Binnie. Look at what you made me do._

She grabbed the doll from earlier, holding it up for both Joon-myeon hyung and Bin to see, shaking it playfully. She covered the doll’s face carefully, squeezing slowly.

Joon-myeon hyung _screamed_ , clawing at his face as he gasped desperately for air. Bin cried and pleaded, pleading for her to leave Joon-myeon hyung alone, that he was wrong. He was so, so wrong. All the other dolls were watching silently, their faces blank as they watched Joon-myeon hyung choke.

Eventually she did pull away and Joon-myeon hyung gasped for air, heaving and rolling over the best he could with his hurt leg. But she wasn’t done; she was still angry at Bin for stopping her. She twisted the doll’s bad leg, and Bin watched in fear as Joon-myeon hyung’s leg twisted the same way, wishing there was a way he could close off his ears to not have to hear Joon-myeon hyung’s desperate screams.

 _I’m sorry, I’m very, very sorry. Bin is sorry!_ He dug his arms deeper into the glass to get her attention, to show how very sorry he was. She only laughed at him, twisting Joon-myeon hyung’s leg over and over until something snapped, and soon Joon-myeon hyung’s cries were ear-piercing, his hands hovering over his destroyed leg but too afraid to actually touch it. None of the dolls looked away, only watching with a deadened look in their eye. Bin only continued to cry and plead, telling her he was sorry and that he would never stop her again. Bin will only watch and be quiet, letting her do what she wanted.

She tells him it’s too late, he should have thought of that before he dared to touch her. She leaned over Joon-myeon hyung, who at this point had quieted and was lying very, very still on the floor. She stroked his cheek, laughing into his ear.

_Pick someone, dear E. My dear, dear E, you need to pick someone else to share your fun. You can’t have it all to yourself._

She always did that. She would make them pick someone else for her to hurt, to use their doll to make them cry. It was always the worst part, because that was when the other dolls grew scared too, scared they would be picked and forced to cry too. But Joon-myeon hyung was good, he never wanted to pick anyone else. He would rather be hurt all over again than pick someone else. Sometimes she wouldn’t pick another, just making the doll cry for a second time. But this time she was really mad at Bin. Bin had been really bad.

She grabbed another doll, Se-hun hyung; ignoring Bin’s pleas and yanking him out from his cage. The other doll in the cage with him was silent, only a small trace of pity in his eyes. She threw the doll on the floor, grabbing her knife and showing it to Bin.

 _This will teach you, you little brat. Next time, you’ll think twice before daring to tell me what to do._ And then she plunged the knife into Se-hun hyung’s stomach, his screams echoing in Bin’s ears.

_No! No, no nonononononononononononono-_

_“Bin! Hong-bin ah! Shh, it’s alright!”_

Something grabbed his head and pulled him into something warm, and he flailed and screamed as he tried to break away. He had to get away, if he pleaded more, she might stop-

_“Bin! It’s me, Hak-yeon! It’s okay, everything’s okay. It’s all just a dream!”_

...Hak-yeon?

Yes, Hak-yeon hyung.

Safe.

Warm.

He tentatively reached out, feeling something warm and soft –Hak-yeon’s hands. Yes, he was okay. He was in Taek-woon’s apartment, he wasn’t anywhere near the basement. They were far away from there. He was still too scared to open his eyes, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. He could feel Hak-yeon move, but was it really Hak-yeon? What if she was doing this to him, making him think he was safe and then she would make him watch as she hurt another one of the dolls? No, he wouldn’t open his eyes. That would be the scariest thing, he didn’t want that. He didn’t want the perfect image of Hak-yeon to be ruined by her. He wanted to wrap his arms around Hak-yeon and hold him close, to breathe in his scent and make sure he was real, to feel him hug him back and whisper happy things into his ear. But he didn’t want to know if it wasn’t real.

“I’m right here, Hong-bin,” Hak-yeon whispered gently, and he was almost certain that was Hak-yeon’s voice. “Shh, that person is gone now. You’re safe.”

He felt Hak-yeon’s arms wrap around his shoulders, his warm breath on his face as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His eyes snapped open.

Only Hak-yeon kissed him.

No matter what she did to Bin or the others, she never kissed.

Hak-yeon was real.

He broke down in his hyung’s arms as he buried himself deep into Hak-yeon’s embrace, clinging onto him so desperately. He never wanted his hyung to leave him again. Hak-yeon didn’t say anything while he cried, only rubbing circles into his back and occasionally pressing kisses to his head. Slowly, he felt himself calm down, and he was suddenly very cold. It was always hot in the basement, she always made sure it was so, so hot down there. But Taek-woon’s apartment was always cold. Cold. He was cold.

Hak-yeon seemed to realize he was cold, pulling him in closer and taking Bin’s hands in his own and bringing them up to his mouth, breathing on them. “I will never let anyone hurt you ever again,” Hak-yeon said softly, his warm breath tickling Bin’s skin. “Don’t be scared Hong-bin. No one will touch you again.”

“H-hyung,” Bin was finally able to stutter out, his teeth chattering from how cold he suddenly was.

Hak-yeon paused at his voice, looking over at him. “It’s alright. I’ll protect you.” He was grateful when Hak-yeon dropped his hands and just held him again. He didn’t need Hak-yeon to say nice things to him, though he always appreciated them; all he needed was just his hyung’s presence, to know he was there and would protect him. This time, he fell asleep without waiting, no longer having the strength or desire to wait until Hak-yeon fell asleep with him.

Bin slept for a long time, the sound of Hak-yeon’s heartbeat the only thing keeping him calm. It felt like an eternity before the closet door was swung open; he peeked out from under Hak-yeon’s arm to see Taek-woon staring down at him, the other sighing at the sight of them. He pretended to still be asleep so the other would leave, pushing his face deeper into Hak-yeon’s arm.

Hak-yeon seemed to sense his uneasiness, immediately rubbing circles into his back again and cooing. “He’s gone, my little Binnie,” Hak-yeon whispered, stroking Bin’s cheek with his thumb. “Taek-woon’s going to cook us dinner, so he’ll leave us alone.”

Hak-yeon must have wanted to leave; he could sense how his hyung constantly glanced around the corner, constantly listening for Taek-woon. His cooing became softer, as if he was only half-heartedly comforting him. Bin didn’t like it. He tugged on his hyung’s hand occasionally to bring him back, to make him focus on him and him alone, but it only worked so long before Hak-yeon would be back to listening for Taek-woon. Eventually Hak-yeon looked down at him expectantly, waiting for what Bin wanted. Bin didn’t want to move, but he couldn’t say no to anything Hak-yeon wanted. So he slowly let his death grip on Hak-yeon’s coat go and allowed his hyung to lift him up.

Hak-yeon held onto Bin’s hand tightly as they crept back toward the kitchen, peeking from around the corner to watch Taek-woon cooking. Taek-woon didn’t notice them, he never did. Hak-yeon turned around and pushed the hair out of Bin’s face, licking the tips of his fingers and wiping his cheeks.

They walked into the kitchen, Taek-woon only sending them a small glance before going back to cooking. He peeked up at Hak-yeon to see the smallest smile on his lips as he watched Taek-woon work, absentmindedly guiding Bin to sit at the table. He tried to bring Hak-yeon’s attention back to Bin, not liking being ignored like this one bit, but Hak-yeon was completely focused in watching Taek-woon. He glared at the elder’s back the whole time, wishing inwardly that he would trip or burn himself.

Bin watched Hak-yeon as Taek-woon came over with food, his hyung’s eyes completely focused on Taek-woon. Taek-woon was getting all of Hak-yeon’s attention, why didn’t he notice? He wrapped his arms around Hak-yeon and pulled him away slightly. He knew Taek-woon’s plan. He pretended not to notice, and then when Bin fell asleep he stole Hak-yeon away.

He wouldn’t let that happen again.

He wouldn’t let Hak-yeon be taken from him again.

After dinner, Taek-woon took them straight to bed. He grabbed their pajamas, turning to Hak-yeon first, and Bin quickly stepped in front of his hyung. “Bin can dress Hak-yeon hyung,” he snapped, growling when Taek-woon pulled the pajamas away, holding them up so Bin couldn’t reach.

“Not now Hong-bin,” Taek-woon said quietly, and he flinched when he said his name. Taek-woon didn’t pay attention to him though, pushing Bin away so he could dress Hak-yeon for bed. Hak-yeon was perfectly happy with it, his eyes excited as he held his hands up to help him change his shirt. Bin waited for his turn as Taek-woon finished, shifting the blankets so he could tuck Hak-yeon in for bed. He waited the whole time, gripping his pajamas in his hands, growing more and more worried when Taek-woon made no move to help him get ready for bed.

When Hak-yeon was wrapped tightly in blankets, his sleepy eyes roaming around between him and Taek-woon, Taek-woon finally turned to Bin. Bin held up his pajamas for him, wanting to show that he waited patiently for his turn. Taek-woon stared at him for a split second before turning and heading for the door, flicking the light off. Bin panicked, racing to the door and grasping desperately at Taek-woon’s shirt, tugging fearfully. Taek-woon looked down at him in surprise, hurriedly flicking the light back on.

“Hong-bin-”

“You forgot Bin,” he said hurriedly, tugging again and again on his shirt. “B-bed...forgot...Taek-woon hyung forgot Bin...”

“Taek-woon.” Bin could hear the bed creak and soft feet padding on the floor, and he could see Hak-yeon climb out of the bed out of the corner of his eye. Taek-woon looked between the two of them, his mouth opening slightly before running a hand through his hair.

“I thought you didn’t want me to help you anymore.”

“No, I-I...I-no. No, I don’t want you to touch– to touch Hak-yeon hyung anymore. Just Hak-yeon hyung. Me...Bin...I-I...Taek-woon hyung-”

“Binnie,” Hak-yeon said soothingly, reaching out and rubbing his back gently, sending Taek-woon a look that had him gasping. “He didn’t mean it-”

“Taek-woon hyung,” he gasped out, peeking out through his fringe to see Taek-woon staring down at him, his mouth tugged down in a frown. He couldn’t think straight. He didn’t like Taek-woon; he was scary and a Hak-yeon stealer. The only reason he looked at Taek-woon was because Hak-yeon liked him, and said that they would be living with him. He didn’t like him at all. But, he was used to Taek-woon waking him up every morning, dressing him, feeding him; his quiet presence sometimes soothed him just as well as Hak-yeon. He liked that Taek-woon didn’t get mad at him or scold him when Bin would say things; that he didn’t yell at him whenever he tried to hide or was too scared to answer.

He had been just protective of Hak-yeon, knowing Taek-woon had stolen him from him. That didn’t mean he wanted Taek-woon to ignore him. He didn’t want that at all.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry. Bin was wrong, B-Bin...Bin was very, very wrong. I-”

“Hong-bin,” Taek-woon said softly, and he immediately shut his mouth, Hak-yeon’s hand pausing on his back. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Bin blinked, still uncertain, and Taek-woon sighed as he placed a hand on top of Bin’s head. He flinched slightly.

“I thought you were angry with me.”

“No! No, I-I...,” his fingers tightened, his hands shaking, “I was mad– mad about Hak-yeon hyung. I...t-that doesn’t- it doesn’t mean leave me. O-only Hak-yeon hyung. Only-”

“Alright, alright,” Taek-woon said quickly, awkwardly placing his hands on Bin’s shoulders. “Go grab your clothes, I’ll help you get ready for bed.”

Hak-yeon stepped back, allowing Bin to take a couple tentative steps back, nervously letting go of Taek-woon’s shirt. He pattered over to his discarded pajamas, clutching them close to his chest before handing them over. Taek-woon sighed as he helped Bin change his clothes, his hands extremely careful the entire time. He stole glances over to Hak-yeon every once in a while, his hyung smiling tiredly and reaching out to hold his hand. When Taek-woon finished buttoning the shirt of Bin’s pajamas, taking care to fix his collar perfectly, he ruffled Bin’s hair.

“Get into bed,” Taek-woon said softly, his voice soft enough that Bin wasn’t scared when he said a command. Hak-yeon herded him gently, keeping him close to his chest as Taek-woon covered them with the blanket. Bin’s hand shot out when Taek-woon moved to pull away, holding onto him for just a second, the whimper to stay resting on the tip of his tongue. But Hak-yeon buried his face in Hong-bin’s side, and suddenly Taek-woon wasn’t important anymore. He pulled away to roll over into Hak-yeon’s chest, and was only vaguely aware of the light shutting off and the door closing.


	4. Chapter 4

_ “Taek-woon oppa, do you have time today? Would you like to try some of my coffee?”  _ Taek-woon sighed as he stared at the bright phone screen while still in bed, Hak-yeon and Hong-bin’s arms wrapped around his waist. He usually had no problem whenever Saet-byul asked to see him, as she never asked often, but he was particularly uncomfortable leaving this time. He had greatly miscalculated Hong-bin’s dependence on him, thinking that his insistence on independence had meant he was getting better. He had planned on staying home today to watch him. 

_ “I’m sorry. I’ll have to come another time.”  _ He had just managed to place his phone on the nightstand before he felt the hands around his waist tighten. He sighed quietly as he looked down at Hong-bin, the younger boy’s face pressed firmly against his stomach. Without making a sound, he reached over and placed a hand on the other’s head, stretching his fingers through his hair. 

Hong-bin’s eyes blinked open, and he froze when they blearily looked up at him. He didn’t say anything, his body so stiff against Taek-woon’s. Slowly, he untangled his hand from Taek-woon’s shirt, reaching out tentatively to Taek-woon’s face, his fingers shaking–

They both jumped when Hak-yeon suddenly jerked upright, and one look told Taek-woon that something was very wrong. He hurriedly sat up and grabbed Hak-yeon’s face in his hands, running his fingers over his cheeks. “Hak-yeon,” he said quickly, noting how wide his eyes were, the pupils dilated. “Hak-yeon-” 

Hak-yeon’s hands shot out and held onto his own, his arms shaking as his mouth opened, gasping desperately. He began to panic when Hak-yeon started to hyperventilate, his chest heaving as his head lolled back. Hong-bin panicked next to him, crying out Hak-yeon’s name but too afraid to touch him. Taek-woon quickly laid Hak-yeon down, keeping one hand on his cheek and the other over his chest. His chest was tight, and even though he was continuously gasping, he wasn’t breathing. 

Hak-yeon became more and more desperate, his arms flailing and his hands grabbing onto anything and everything. Taek-woon hissed when he scratched his arms, blood pooling over his skin. Right when he thought that Hak-yeon couldn’t possibly go without breathing anymore, he suddenly screamed, grabbing onto Taek-woon’s arms as he hunched over.

“Hak-yeon!” he cried out fearfully, gathering the older boy in his arms and crushing him close, stroking the other’s head. Hak-yeon continued to scream, loud screams that pierced Taek-woon straight to his soul- he was petrified. This never happened before; Hak-yeon never acted like this before. He didn’t know what this was and he didn’t know what to do. He suddenly felt so useless, the only thing he could do for the other was to just hold him, and that was probably the worst thing he could do. 

Hak-yeon continued to jerk painfully in his arms, his legs and arms lurching as if hit. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, him holding Hak-yeon so tightly the other couldn’t move and Hong-bin hiding deep in his closet.

But just as quickly as the episode started Hak-yeon stopped mid-scream, falling limp in Taek-woon’s arms. 

It was so abrupt that he didn’t realize for a good minute, and when he felt the other was completely still save for small breathing, he finally opened his eyes. Carefully, he loosened his arms and let Hak-yeon lay down on the bed, noticing how his skin was shining with sweat. His eyes were unfocused, staring at nothing particular even when Taek-woon whispered his name. He stroked the elder’s cheek, trying to get some response from him, but in the end decided it best to clean him up. 

Without a word, he left the room and brought a cool, wet towel, bringing it in and using it to wipe Hak-yeon’s face. Hak-yeon didn’t react at all, even when Taek-woon wiped his eyelids and nose. He moved down to cleaning his hands, pausing as he held his healed, mutilated hands. He ran his thumb over the jagged scar on his right hand, the ridge pointy and unnatural. He stared sadly at Hak-yeon, a wave of guilt rushing over him. He gently lifted his hand to his lips, kissing them and tasting the salty sweat. 

“Hyung?”

Taek-woon jerked away, looking up embarrassedly at Hong-bin, the other having crawled out and now stood by the bedside. His eyes were locked firmly on Hak-yeon’s hand in Taek-woon’s, and for a second Taek-woon thought he was going to snap again and push him away. But instead Hong-bin merely knelt on the floor, laying his head next to Hak-yeon’s, resting his hands on the bed without touching him. 

Taek-woon stared at Hong-bin for the longest while, wrestling with his desire to stay by Hak-yeon’s side and knowing it was best to leave the two alone. In the end, he did what he knew was best; he pried Hong-bin’s hand open and placed the wet towel in it. “Hong-bin, watch him. Make sure to clean his face when he sweats.” 

Hong-bin stared at him with wide eyes, unsure, watching him wordlessly when Taek-woon stepped out of the room. 

He moved to the kitchen, only making it to the counter before nearly collapsing, holding onto the countertop for support. That...that had been terrifying. Hak-yeon had had episodes before, though they were only when he hears a voice he doesn’t recognize or sees someone he doesn’t know. And even then they were only mild. This....this had been something much worse. Feeling Hak-yeon trying to breathe but unable to...the look of pure terror on his face... He squeezed his eyes shut as he took a steadying breath, his shoulders heaving. 

Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he could really take care of the two on his own. 

He was just starting to calm down when his phone started ringing, and he shot like a bullet back to his bedroom to grab it. He looked to the caller, growling when he saw it was just Saet-byul, answering just to quiet the phone. 

_ “What is it?” _ he growled irritably, running out of the room before he could disturb the two. Luckily, it seemed like neither had heard. 

_ “Taek-woon oppa...” _ He frowned when he heard how sluggish her voice was, her words slurred. He heard a gasp on the other end that sounded vaguely like crying. Concerned, he forgot all about his annoyance and answered her sincerely. 

“Is something going on Saet-byul?” 

_ “Taek-woon oppa...” _ Again she let out a long sigh, and again she sounded like she was crying. _“Will you please come out and meet me? I...I’ll make you coffee.”_ He glanced in the room, Hak-yeon finally starting to move as he held onto Hong-bin’s hands tightly, and he sighed into the phone. 

“I...”

_ “Please...it won’t take long. I just...I just need to see you.”  _ He hesitated answering, watching as Hak-yeon started to quietly sob, burying his face into Hong-bin’s shoulder as the younger boy awkwardly held him in his arms. His fingers tightened, watching how Hong-bin, the damaged boy who knew nothing, was able to comfort his friend better than he could. 

“...alright. I’ll meet you in a half hour.” 

\--

His eyes widened as his mouth dropped the moment he saw Saet-byul sitting in the empty cafe, the guy behind the counter sending him a dangerous glance. She noticed her co-worker’s glare, looking around curiously until meeting his eye, smiling. His fists tightened as he watched her struggle to smile, her swollen cheek shaking as her blackened eye fought to stay open. “T-Taek-woon oppa,” she called out, her words slurred, raising a shaking hand to wave him over. 

His eyes met with the cashier one more time before he carefully made his way over to her, sitting across from her. Her hand limply fell down into her lap. “Thank you so much for coming out to meet me,” she continued, ignoring how his eyes ran over her face. “Was it really cold outside?”

“No,” he finally answered, swallowing heavily. “Saet-byul, who-”

“Let me make you coffee,” she quickly cut him off, shooting to her feet and wincing. He shot out of his seat, his hands helping to steady her, and he could see her flinch away when his hand brushed her side. Without waiting for her to protest, he ripped her coat open and lifted her shirt slightly to see a darkened bruised running across her ribcage. He sent her a scathing look but she ignored it as he she angrily shoved him off, wrapping her coat tightly around herself. 

“S-sit down,” she demanded, her hands shaking as she went straight behind the counter, ignoring the questioning look of her co-worker. While dropping the subject was the last thing he wanted to do, he eventually forced himself to sit back down, his eyes watching her carefully. She refused to look up at him, and all he could think about was that someone had hit her. Whoever it was, it was someone she was trying to protect, seeing as she refused to tell him. But something was niggling in the back of his mind. 

Was it coincidence that the day she comes in bruised and beaten was the same day where Hak-yeon had his episode? 

The two of them had always been close, far more connected than he could probably understand. But it was impossible; there was no way that could be possible. He drummed his fingers against the table until she finally came back, plastering a smile on her swollen face as she set his cup down in front of him. In order to stop himself from asking questions again, he took a sip of his coffee. His face scrunched up immediately, coughing at the extremely bitter taste. Saet-byul fretted. 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Saet-byul, this tastes awful.”

She flinched as she looked to the coffee, frowning. “But Hyuk said it tasted good.”

He shook his head as he placed the cup back down, not ready to take another sip. “Hyuk lied.” 

She pouted, shoving the phone she had pulled out of her pocket away. “I’ll scold him later,” she said playfully, and he knew she was trying to distract him. 

“Did it happen this morning?” She froze, and both knew exactly what he was referring to. She didn’t answer, so he continued softly. “Was that why you called me?”

“I-I called you because I wanted to make you coffee.” 

“No you didn’t.” He spoke gently, knowing what would happen should he raise his voice. The two always reacted negatively when he shouted, and he could only imagine how fragile Saet-byul really was. She looked down into her lap, her one good eye tearing up. “Did your parents do it?”

“No,” she breathed, shaking her head. “Ji-hyun and Sang-hoon never touch me.” 

“Was it someone at school?” She shook her head. 

“Was it someone you knew?” She hesitated before nodding her head, biting into her lower lip. 

“...was it Hyuk?”

“Of course not!” she snapped viciously, glaring in a way he had never seen from her before. In fact, he didn’t think he had ever seen her angry before. His eyes widened as her fingers gripped the side of the table tightly, her eyes lighting up as her lips turned into a growl. “How dare you-”

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, reaching over and placing his hands over hers tenderly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” It took some coaxing before she finally relaxed, allowing him to knead her fingers until she let go of the table and relaxed back into her chair. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I’m only trying to figure out who hurt you.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” she whispered. 

“Yes it does,” he pressed, eyebrows knit. “Whatever happened to you happened to-” His eyes widened when he realized he spoke too much, hurriedly snapping his mouth shut, but it was already too late. Saet-byul shot up in her seat, scooting forward and leaning as close as she could. 

“What? Something happened to N? What? What happened to him? Is he hurt? Taek-woon oppa, tell me!” 

“I didn’t want to worry you-”

“I don’t care,” she nearly shrieked, her hands shooting out and grabbing his coat sleeves, trembling in pain. _“What happened to N?”_

“He had an episode,” he said, barely above a whisper. “It was an extremely violent one that left him exhausted.” Her fingers released in surprise, her eye wide in shock as she fell back into her chair. “It looked similar to the way you were hurt, so I can only wonder...” His voice trailed off when he saw Saet-byul reach into her bag and tenderly pull out a small, cloth doll.

He hadn’t seen that doll since that fateful day in the hospital, her always hiding it away and refusing to take it out. It looked extremely worse for wear, the thing ragged and large rips stitched together poorly. But what fascinated him most was the way Saet-byul looked at it, such love filling her eyes as a finger reached out and stroked its face. “I...I’m sorry,” she croaked out, wiping imaginary tears away from its eyes. “I wasn’t thinking and I hurt you. I’m sorry.” 

“Saet-byul-”

“Please tell N I’m sorry,” she murmured, cupping the doll in her hands. “Please tell him I didn’t do it on purpose.” He nodded, thinking that speaking would only fluster her further. She didn’t say anything for the longest time, pressing the doll lovingly to her chest and shuddering. “Was...was he hurting a lot?”

Taek-woon sat frozen as he kept his eyes low, not knowing exactly how to answer her. Hak-yeon had looked like he was in a great deal of pain, his pain-filled screams still echoing in his ears. Yet there were no physical indications that he had been hurt, and afterward he seemed to be almost numb. He must have waited too long to answer, Saet-byul repeating her question a little louder.

“Did he hurt a lot?”

“No,” he eventually muttered out, shaking his head. She didn’t look convinced, opening her mouth to say something when a sharp ring rang out in the silent cafe, Taek-woon snapping to attention at the ominous sound. He assigned that ringtone for only one number, a number that made his heart stop with just the sound. He wasted no time fishing the phone out and bringing it to his ear.

“Hak-yeon-”

_“Taek-woon hyung,”_ came Hong-bin’s strained voice, large sobs blaring through the speaker. He shot to his feet, Saet-byul shouting when his coffee spilt all over the table.

“Hong-bin?” he asked worriedly. How did Hong-bin call him? Hong-bin had no idea how to use the phone, never cared to learn. It had always been Hak-yeon that would call. “What’s wrong?”

_“Hak-yeon hyung...please save Hak-yeon hyung.”_

“What? What happened to him? Where are you now?” He shifted the phone to his other hand as he snatched his coat up, struggling to put it on. Saet-byul froze mid-cleaning, staring up at him with wide eyes when she realized he was leaving. He paid her no heed as he snapped at Hong-bin, hearing the boy starting to fall into sobs again. “Hong-bin!”

_“Hak-yeon hyung...he-”_

_“Let me out! Open this door Hong-bin!”_ Taek-woon paused at the sound of Hak-yeon screaming, loud banging audible in the background. He fished some money out of his pocket and hastily shoved it in Saet-byul’s hand for the coffee, scrambling to the door. Something was wrong. The two never fought, had an infinite amount of patience for each other, and to hear one of them yelling at the other meant something was terribly wrong.

He shouldn’t have left.

“I’ll be there soon Hong-binnie,” he said reassuringly, slipping in one of Hak-yeon’s pet names to try and calm the other. It had some effect, the boy’s crying softening enough to whisper an okay. “For now, just make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”

_“O-okay. Hurry hyung.”_

“I will.” He hung up the phone as he turned to cross the street when he felt a hand pull him back, and he turned furiously to see Saet-byul holding onto his arm. She immediately flinched back when she saw his glare, taking a couple steps back.

“Is everything okay?” she asked carefully, studying his face.

“I’m sorry Saet-byul, something came up and I have to go. We’ll have to meet up another time.” He turned back and crossed the street, blinking in surprise when she moved to follow him. “What are you doing?” he demanded, and for once she looked at him confidently.

“It’s N, isn’t it?” she asked, nearly jogging to keep up with his long strides. “At least let me go with you to make sure he’s okay.”

“No.”

“You sounded really worried. It must be something big, right? Let me just check-”

“The last thing either of them need is you. Don’t follow me.” He didn’t have time to feel guilty of the hurt look that crossed her face, instead focusing his attention on getting home as soon as possible. He hailed a taxi, disregarding him barely having enough money for rent let alone something as frivolous as a taxi. He checked his phone constantly, just in case Hong-bin managed to call him again, and jumped when he received a text. He breathed out a small sigh of relief when it was only Saet-byul, his shoulders drooping when all it read was a small, _I’m sorry._

It was another ten minutes before he finally raced up the stairs to his apartment, whipping his keys out and unlocking the door. Almost immediately a body shot out from the hallway, launching into his arms and burying its face in his chest.

“Taek-woon hyung!” Hong-bin wailed, his nails digging into Taek-woon’s back.

“It’s alright Hong-bin,” he said soothingly as he pat the other’s head tenderly. “Where is he?”

“Bedroom,” the younger boy whimpered out, raising his head enough to look at him with tear-filled eyes. “He suddenly got very angry and tried to run away. Bin didn’t know what to do and pushed him into the bedroom. I blocked it with the couch. He’s angry at Bin and Bin got scared. So Bin called Taek-woon hyung-”

“Alright, alright,” he hushed, shutting the front door behind him and pulling Hong-bin close to his side, an arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders. With the both of them quiet, he could hear a loud banging noise coming from the bedroom, and when he stepped into the hallway he could see the couch pushed up against the door. A loud scream followed by another bang against the door rang out, Hong-bin flinching at the sound and pressing even closer to his side.

Without saying a word, he pushed Hong-bin behind him, walking up carefully until he stood right outside the door. He could hear Hak-yeon crying inside, at this point having tired himself out and only halfheartedly pushing at the door. “Hak-yeon,” he whispered, leaning against the door, reaching over the couch to rest his hand on the doorframe.

“Taek-woon!” Hak-yeon cried out in revived fervor, pounding on the door again. “Open the door Taek-woon ah!”

Taek-woon turned to Hong-bin. “Help me move the couch, Hong-bin.” Hong-bin didn’t answer, keeping his scared eyes locked on the door, but eventually moved to the one end of the couch all the same. He wasn’t sure how the younger boy was able to get the couch all the way here on his own, him now barely able to even lift it off the ground. They only managed to move it a few inches away before Hong-bin’s legs gave out under him, falling to the ground in frustrated indignation.

However, Hak-yeon heard them moving and wasted no time swinging the door open, the door only able to open enough to stick his arm out. He growled as he swat uselessly at the couch, trying to push it.

“Calm down, Hak-yeon,” he said hurriedly, afraid Hak-yeon would end up hurting himself. He shoved the couch away with little effort, lunging himself forward and grabbing Hak-yeon before the older had a chance to escape.

“Let go of me!” he howled, clawing desperately to get free. “I have to go! Let me go!”

“Where do you have to go?” He moved his head back when Hak-yeon nearly scratched his face.

“I have to save her! Taek-woon, she’s in pain. I need to protect her and keep her safe. Please, let me save her!”

He momentarily paused, Hak-yeon still squirming. There was only one ‘she’ that he could be talking about, one that both of them knew, but how did he know about her injuries? He’d only found out because he had met up with her, but Hak-yeon had no knowledge of anything. Suddenly the idea of them having a deeper connection didn’t seem so impossible. He looked down to see the elder still squirming, at this point uselessly pounding his fists against his chest and crying.

“I have to,” he whimpered pitifully, “I have to.”

“It’s alright, she’s safe. She’s safe, so you don’t need to worry.”

“No...I know she’s hurting. I can feel her hurting.”

“I promise you, she’s fine. I promise.” He managed to climb up into a sitting position, leaning tiredly against the wall. While Hak-yeon shivered in his lap, Taek-woon looked over to see Hong-bin curled up in a ball by the couch, his hands over his head and his face buried in his knees. He sighed as he rolled his head back until it clunked against the wall. “It’s alright,” he continued to say soothingly, hand running gently through his hair, “everything’s alright.”

He didn’t know who he was comforting anymore.  


	5. Chapter 5

Hak-yeon’s sporadic outbursts frequented in number since that day, some more violent than others. There were days when he would suddenly head to the front door, and only a small tug on his arm would break the spell and he’d be fine. Others he would frantically fight them off, throwing and breaking things, in order to get out the door. He didn’t seem to have any idea of what was pushing him to get out, his mind curiously blank when asked afterward. They only managed to get out of him that he needed to save ‘her’, and that ‘she’ was in danger, and those were only during his episodes.  
  
Hong-bin, the poor boy, had no idea what to do when the Hak-yeon that he leaned on for anything and everything would suddenly turn and attack him. He was completely lost, not knowing anything else than to try his best to hold onto his hyung. Hak-yeon in turn would try his best to resist his urge in order to protect his baby, though in the end Hong-bin grew terrified. He never was good with violence.  
  
The first thing Taek-woon saw when he went out to make breakfast was Hak-yeon curled up in the corner of the hallway, pulled in on himself until he was only a tiny ball. He sighed softly as he walked over, kneeling down by his side, Hak-yeon’s eyes shifting to look at him briefly. “Hak-yeon,” he said gently, fighting the urge to comfort the other and deciding to just shove his hands in his pockets, “what are you doing out here?”  
  
“Bin,” he said so softly he almost missed it, “I’m afraid I’ll hurt him.”  
  
They sat in silence for a while, Taek-woon racking his brains to try and say something that would help soothe the older boy’s worries. He had never been good at comforting, and he never really had to do anything like that with the two, as they always did that on their own. Hak-yeon had always been the mitigator, knowing just what to say or do to make anyone happy. He was nothing like that, didn’t know what would make him feel better.  
  
Hak-yeon was like a different person.  
  
“Bin loves you,” he finally said lamely. “He’ll never hate you.”  
  
“He’s grown scared of me.” There was a lilt in his voice, a small burst of emotion peeking through as Hak-yeon’s normally placid fingers gripped his pants. “He thinks I don’t notice...but he should be afraid. I’ve hurt him so many times.”  
  
“It’s not your fault.”  
  
“I’ve hurt you too.” He looked up at him, his dull eyes glistening. “I can’t control myself, and I’ve hurt both of you.”  
  
“If you want, I can bring someone to come check on you.” At that, Hak-yeon immediately drew back in on himself, his way of saying he didn’t like it, and Taek-woon quickly backtracked. “Alright, I won’t bring anyone. But it won’t go away on its own.” Hak-yeon didn’t respond for the longest time, having retreated into his own world, and Taek-woon waited. He let Hak-yeon work at his own pace, and eventually after a good amount of time passed, he heard a soft whisper,  
  
“Bring me to see her.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Hak-yeon’s one hand slowly released its grip on his pant leg, his hand shaking as he reached over and placed it over Taek-woon’s own. It took a while for him to get a firm hold, but eventually his fingers closed in, his thumb pressed into his palm. “I’m acting like this because something’s wrong. I...I need to find her and make sure she’s okay.”  
  
An image of Saet-byul’s bruised face flashed in his mind and he winced. “You wouldn’t even know where to look for her.”  
  
“You’ve been meeting her.” At that Hak-yeon’s grip tightened viciously, his nails clawing into his skin. He winced, but his mind was more focused on the fact that Hak-yeon _knew_. How long did he know? He had kept his meeting Saet-byul very secretive, taking great lengths to never mention her or talk to her when he was home. How did he find out? Hak-yeon continued talking, his tone near condescending. “So you should know exactly where to find her.”  
  
He sighed, shifting his hand slightly in hopes to get him to let go, though that only made him hold harder. “You said you never wanted to see her.”  
  
“She’s doing something to me. I have to stop her.”  
  
“She’s not doing it intentionally. She always asks for your wellbeing.”  
  
“I let her go to get rid of her. I don’t need her.”  
  
“You used to love her. What happened to you?” At that, Hak-yeon’s hand finally loosened, his eyes for once wide in surprise as he stared at him in horror. Very slowly, almost as if an eternity passed by, tears welled in his eyes and slowly began to trickle down his cheeks.  
  
“I...Taek-woonie...I don’t know what’s happening to me. My little Byullie...I know she hasn’t done anything but I..I can’t. I’m so scared of what will happen…” His hands began to shake as he struggled to hold something, eventually clutching his sleeves. And when he looked up, Taek-woon felt his heart stop.  
  
This...looking at him right now was his Hak-yeon. This was the Hak-yeon he knew.  
  
“Please save me Taek-woon,” he said hurriedly, his voice choking. “Kill me, please. I can’t live like this. Please save me...save me…” Taek-woon didn’t move, _couldn’t_ move, only able to shake his head at the things spewed from his friend’s lips. In the five years he’s been caring for his friend, he had never been this articulate, this emotional. He had no idea how to respond, what to do. So he just sat frozen as his friend broke down in front of him, head hanging and sobs racking his body. “Please...please…”  
  
“Hak-yeon…”  
  
And just like that, his friend’s body went still, stopping mid-cry. He waited with bated breath to see what he would do, looked right into his eyes when he finally sat up, and a part of him broke when he saw the deadened gaze again. He should be used to it by now, had seen it for so long, but after finally, _finally_ seeing the real Hak-yeon underneath it all, it was only disheartening. Hak-yeon slowly looked up at him, his hands lethargically letting go and falling into his lap. Fighting back the own tightening in his chest, he reached over and wiped Hak-yeon’s tears from his face, biting his lip when the other was unresponsive.  
  
“It’s best not to see her again,” he said gently, knowing that at this point he was merely talking to himself. “But I’ll talk to her."  
  
\--  
  
“Stay still Hong-bin,” Taek-woon murmured softly as he scrubbed at the dust and food caked on the boy’s face, the younger boy squirming uncomfortably the whole time. He frustratingly grabbed Hong-bin’s chin, forcing him to stay still as he worked.  
  
One consequence of Hak-yeon avoiding Hong-bin was the other quickly reverted to his instinctual behavior, in that he hid from everyone and everything. Even when he was hungry, he would grab his food and hide under the bed, preferring to eat hidden away. No matter how much Taek-woon tried to coax him out, he refused to listen. It didn’t help that Hak-yeon also refused helping, in his twisted mind thinking this was somehow better.  
  
He had only managed to grab the younger boy during one of Hong-bin’s escapades to steal food. He made sure he allowed Hong-bin to eat the cake he’d left out for bait while he cleaned his face, treating him gently so as not to startle him. What he really wanted was to give him a thorough bath, though this would have to do.  
  
“No,” Hong-bin whined quietly when Taek-woon pressed too hard, shying away.  
  
“Just let me finish and then you can eat all the cake you want. I promise.” Hong-bin didn’t answer, only glaring at him with a slight pout before picking up the rest of the cake with his fingers and shoving it in his mouth. Taek-woon couldn’t stop the exasperated sigh that escaped his lips, taking the wet rag and wiping away at the boy’s stuffed cheeks. “If you keep eating like that, I’m going to have to keep cleaning your face.”  
  
“Bin doesn’t want,” Hong-bin muttered, pushing away at him, and Taek-woon used that to grab his hands and start to clean the crumbs away.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Bin doesn’t want Taek-woon hyung.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Bin wants Hak-yeon hyung.”  
  
“I know, Bin. I know.”  
  
“Where is Hak-yeon hyung? Bin...I want to see him.” He didn’t answer right away, his eyes glancing to the locked bedroom door across the room. Hak-yeon had had an episode earlier that morning, before Bin had woken, and it had taken all of his strength to lock him away. Hak-yeon had specifically told him not to let Bin know when he had his fits. He looked back to see Hong-bin staring at him innocently, his large eyes showing him how much trust the boy actually had in him.  
  
“Hak-yeon is still sleeping.”  
  
“Hyung won’t come near Bin anymore. Does...did Bin do something wrong? Bin didn’t mean to make Hak-yeon hyung angry.” He was no longer squirming, staying very still as Taek-woon cleaned him up.  
  
“He’s not angry with you Hong-bin.”  
  
“Bin must have done something. Hyung...hyung won’t even sleep with me anymore. I...I want to apologize but...but…”  
  
“Shh, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything.”  
  
“B-but...but...hyung...h-he-”  
  
“He’s just having a lot going on right now. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”  
  
“Hak-yeon hyung doesn’t hurt Bin! Bin is just fine!”  
  
“No, he’s not doing it on purpose. Until we’re able to figure out what’s going on between him and Saet-byul-” He stopped, blinking in surprise when Hong-bin suddenly stiffened and yanked his hand away, his big eyes hard.  
  
“Yoon Saet-byul?” he asked, his voice taking an edge he’d never heard from the normally timid boy. Still surprised at the sudden change, he nodded slowly. Hong-bin’s lips turned down into a nasty frown, his fingers curling into shaking fists. “She...is she doing this to Hak-yeon hyung? Is she the one hurting him?”  
  
He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer.  
  
Hong-bin reached over and grabbed the rag out of his hands, surprisingly cleaning his own face and hands before throwing it to the ground. His hands and face clean, he reached back over and started to feel Taek-woon up, slapping his chest and sides as if searching for something. “H-Hong-bin?” Hong-bin didn’t answer, his face one of pure concentration, until he finally pulled Taek-woon’s phone out of his pocket, easily turning it on. He clicked randomly on the screen for a while, glancing embarrassedly at him before eventually handing it back over.  
  
“C-can you call her for me hyung? I can’t read…”  
  
“You want to call Saet-byul?”  
  
He nodded seriously. “If you don’t stop her, she will keep hurting hyung. Hak-yeon hyung will get worse.”  
  
He stared at Hong-bin’s face for a while before looking back down at his phone, Saet-byul’s name shining on the screen. Having seen Hong-bin’s timid and scared personality for so long, he sometimes forgot that Hong-bin had been trapped a lot longer than Hak-yeon. A lot longer than any of the others. And despite him not understanding much about the world, he knew much more about what was going on than anyone. It was easy to forget that. Taek-woon hesitated from hitting the call button, Hong-bin’s intense stare on him. “Hyung!”  
  
Rubbing his eyes resignedly, he hit the call button and brought the phone to his ear, his heart thumping at the dialing tone. The phone rang for the longest time, and Taek-woon was already ready to give up when the small sound of the call connecting clicked. _“...hello?”_  
  
“Saet-byul?” he asked, and he could almost hear her shudder on the other end.  
  
_“T-Taek-woon oppa...I...I thought you were never going to call me again.”_  
  
He winced, realizing it had been over a month since the last time he’d talked to her, and the last thing he’d said to her had been less than ideal. “I’m sorry. It’s gotten difficult over here, and I haven’t had time.” She didn’t say anything, whimpering. “I’m sorry for what I said to you. I shouldn’t have said it.”  
  
_“N-no, it’s okay. You were worried about N right? That’s fine, as long as he’s okay.”_ She paused. _“He...he’s okay, right?”_  
  
Taek-woon glanced at Hong-bin, the boy watching him seriously. “That’s what I need to talk to you about. Would I be able to meet you sometime?”  
  
_“You want to meet me?”_ She shouldn’t have to be that surprised, though thinking about it, he never did invite her out. She had always been the one to contact him. _“U-um, today isn’t that good. Would tomorrow be okay?”_  
  
“Today, today hyung!” Hong-bin hissed at him, tugging at his leg and pointing at her phone. “Tell her today!”  
  
He waved the other boy away. “I understand. Yes, tomorrow will be fine.”  
  
_“I’m really sorry. If I could I would come today.”_  
  
“It’s alright. Take care of yourself until then.” He pointedly ignored Hong-bin’s glare as he put his phone back in his pocket. “I promise I’ll figure this out, okay? Don’t...don’t worry.” Despite Hong-bin’s protests, he did not call her again to demand her to meet that day, thus quickly losing the younger boy’s attention. By the time he finished cleaning the plate Hong-bin had already disappeared.  
  
\--  
  
Sang-hyuk burst through the cafe doors, looking around wildly, letting out a shaky breath at the sight of Saet-byul and Jae-hwan sitting together. Panting heavily, he staggered his way over to their side, eyes running over Saet-byul. He immediately locked onto the fact that she was dressed up, wearing a thick winter dress and her hair styled slightly. He could tell she attempted to cover her bruised face with make-up, though there were patches of black and blue here and there on her cheeks. He tried not to stare too much at that, he had a hard time controlling himself every time he saw her.  
  
Saet-byul jumped up at the sight of him, wordlessly wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. “Thank you for coming today Hyukkie,” she breathed, her voice shaking.  
  
“Is...is Woo-jin sunbae really coming today?”  
  
She nodded, pulling away and biting her lip worriedly. “Taek-woon oppa’s never invited me out before, and he said something is wrong with N. He wanted to meet yesterday but I got so nervous...I didn’t want to look bad when N sees me. D-do I look good?”  
  
“You look great, my little star,” Jae-hwan added genuinely, and Saet-byul turned to give him a grateful smile.  
  
“Do you think he’ll recognize me?”  
  
“Nope! You’ve gotten so pretty his eyes will probably explode!” That finally got a laugh out of her, and it was enough to distract her from Sang-hyuk’s less than excited expression. He had raced over here the moment she called him to let him know she was going to meet Woo-jin, but it wasn’t because he was excited for her. A part of him didn’t want her meeting him- he abandoned her through and through. There was no way this was going to be a happy reunion. If anything, he didn’t want to see Saet-byul cry again. And he had a feeling Woo-jin was going to make her cry.  
  
The sound of a phone ringing made the group grow silent, and Saet-byul’s hands shook as she pulled her phone out of her bag. She let out a shaky breath as she answered, forcing a smile on her face as she looked out the window.  
  
“Are you almost here?” she asked. Both he and Jae-hwan strained their ears to hear the response on the other end, though it was too faint for them to hear. Whatever he did say made her smile grow wider, laughing as she hung up the phone. She started fixing her hair, turning to him. “Do I look okay Hyukkie? I look okay, right?”  
  
“Calm down,” he said, doing his best to appear just as excited. “You’ll mess your hair up that way.” She stopped moving almost immediately, wringing her hands apprehensively.  
  
“I...I’m so nervous. What is he going to say? Will he look the same? What if...what I look too different? Ah, I probably shouldn’t have worn this. He won’t recognize me-”  
  
“Saet-byul,” Jae-hwan said slowly as he got up, walking over to put his hands on her shoulders. “That guy’s like a brick wall- scary as hell but he doesn’t change. If he loved you before he’ll love you now.”  
  
“...that doesn’t really make sense.”  
  
“What? That made perfect sense! Hyukkie, back your hyung up here-”  
  
Everything went silent when the front door opened, the small bell ringing, and they all turned expectantly to see who it was. Sang-hyuk recognized Taek-woon almost immediately, the guy still as tall and intimidating as ever. He actually managed to look even more pissed, if that was possible. However, he didn’t recognize the guy behind him; whoever it was, it was definitely not Woo-jin. The second guy clung onto Taek-woon’s arm, peeking out carefully at them.  
  
Nobody moved, the tension in the air able to be cut with a knife, until Saet-byul’s phone clattered to the floor and a small gasp escaped her lips.


	6. Chapter 6

Saet-byul sat absolutely still as they all sat crowded at a small table in the corner of the cafe, squished between both Jae-hwan and Sang-hyuk. Taek-woon and the second guy sat on the other side. The guy never said anything to them, instead silently glaring at Saet-byul and looking like he was close to jumping across the table and strangling her. Taek-woon had a hand on the guy’s hand as if stopping him, and Jae-hwan in turn had a comforting hand on Saet-byul’s.  
  
The tension was stifling.  
  
Taek-woon was the first to speak. “Saet-byul-”  
  
“Did N not come?” she whimpered out, finally mustering enough courage to look up at him. That was a mistake; the other guy snarled at her, Taek-woon reacting and barely being able to hold him back.  
  
“ _How dare you ask about him,”_ he growled, his whole body shaking with rage. “You’ve been hurting him and you dare-”  
  
“Stop it Hong-bin,” Taek-woon whispered softly, and the guy, Hong-bin, begrudgingly shut his mouth. “I’m sorry, Hak-yeon wasn’t feeling well this morning and wasn’t able to come.” Sang-hyuk glanced over to Saet-byul to see her face fall slightly, though she nodded understandingly to the other. He sent Jae-hwan a look, one the older boy returned; the two of them felt like outsiders, neither understanding the subtle undertones of the conversation.  
  
Sang-hyuk eventually felt a pair of eyes land on him, and he looked up to see Taek-woon staring at him. “Is this Hyukkie?” he asked softly, and he felt himself bristling.  
  
“Don’t call me that.”  
  
Taek-woon didn’t seem to react to his snap. “You’ve grown.”  
  
“Don’t act so friendly with me.”  
  
“And you’ve become mouthy.”  
  
He glared; finding himself growing more and more frustrated with the calm, collected manner Taek-woon was able to return all his barbs. He didn’t really have anything against the older boy, but he had sided with Woo-jin and therefore became the object of his disdain by proxy. Saet-byul, without looking up, reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently to tell him to quiet down. He bit his lip as his face flushed, feeling embarrassed that he had acted so childishly in front of her.  
  
Jae-hwan, the ignorant idiot, spoke up then, keeping his voice light and joking to try and lighten the mood. “None of us are in a hurry, we could wait for him.”  
  
Taek-woon turned his steely eyes toward Jae-hwan, his face impassive as he looked him over. “Who are you?”  
  
Saet-byul quickly spoke up when Jae-hwan was too shocked to answer. “Jae-hwan helped tutor me in school.”  
  
Taek-woon nodded absentmindedly. “I see. I’m sorry; I don’t think he will be feeling well anytime soon. We’ll have to meet for that another time.”  
  
“You should have told her beforehand,” Sang-hyuk found himself saying without thinking, again frustrated when Taek-woon only nodded his head again.  
  
“I didn’t know she thought Hak-yeon was coming. I had no intention of bringing him here today.”  
  
Saet-byul coughed, her whole body shaking, and Sang-hyuk looked over to see her crying. Her mascara that Jae-hwan had helped put on her started to run down her cheeks. Sang-hyuk quickly grabbed a bunch of napkins and handed them to her, instinctively starting to wipe her face. She didn’t stop him. “I...I thought he was finally coming to see me...that he’d finally forgiven me. You’ve never invited me out before, so I thought...I thought...”  
  
Taek-woon’s face softened at her tears; the first time any expression passed his face. Sang-hyuk had almost been convinced he was a robot or something. “I’m sorry, Saet-byul. I didn’t mean to raise your hopes.”  
  
“It’s alright...I should’ve known better.”  
  
“No. Hak-yeon really does want to meet you.”  
  
“He does?” she nearly shouted, sitting straight up and leaning forward. Hong-bin jerked back at the sudden movement, instinctively moving to hide behind Taek-woon. “He really wants to see me?” She took the napkins Sang-hyuk had handed her and messily wiped her tears away, sniffling as she tried to regain her composure.  
  
“Yes, but I wanted to ask you some things first. I wasn’t aware we would have company though.”  
  
“Ah, I’m sorry. I brought Jae-hwan and Hyukkie because I thought N was coming and I got nervous.” She looked down embarrassedly and the other sighed. "Do...do you not want them here?"  
  
“It would be best.”  
  
“Whatever you have to say to her can be said with us here,” Sang-hyuk snapped. He didn’t trust Taek-woon, especially when he’s giving her hope with Woo-jin, or Hak-yeon, or whatever his name was. He had just started getting her to forget and move on; he was not about to let this guy ruin everything she had accomplished.  
  
“Stop it Sang-hyuk,” Jae-hwan said gently, smiling as he scooted his chair back and stood up. “We’ll leave you to hopefully talk everything out.” Without losing his smile, he moved over and grabbed a handful of Sang-hyuk’s coat, yanking him up. Sang-hyuk protested indignantly at being man-handled, though it seemed everyone was ignoring him. “If anything happens, little star, just call me and I’ll come right over, okay?” Saet-byul looked up at him gratefully, nodding slightly. Jae-hwan then looked up to Taek-woon and Hong-bin, his smile only growing bigger.  
  
“And if you do anything to her, I’ll gladly come over and castrate you both.”  
  
He didn’t give them any time to react, dragging Sang-hyuk out the door and only stopping when they were far enough away to not see the cafe anymore. Sang-hyuk opened his mouth, ready to rip into him for leaving her there, when Jae-hwan cut him off, for once serious. “Don’t you dare go back.”  
  
“But hyung-”  
  
“No. They need to talk this out. You and I have no idea what happened, we shouldn’t interfere.” He glared, and Jae-hwan smiled kindly. “Saet-byul will never move on if she clings onto the hope that that bastard will come back to her. The best we can do is let the fall out happen, and only after that, you can swoop in and pick up the pieces.”  
  
\--  
  
The only reason Bin stayed still and didn’t move was because Taek-woon told him to stay still. He wasn’t going to do anything if Taek-woon wouldn’t let him. Oh, he wanted to hurt Saet-byul, rip her into tiny, tiny pieces for daring to hurt his Hak-yeon. But he would listen to Taek-woon. He wouldn’t touch her.  
  
Taek-woon had tried sneaking out without Bin to go see Saet-byul. Bin could see him getting ready from under the bed, trying to be extra quiet so neither he nor Hak-yeon would notice. But he didn’t see Bin under his bed, so he was surprised when he crawled out, demanding to go too. He didn’t want to go outside; remembering that horrifying time Taek-woon had taken him and Hak-yeon to school. Outside was scary.  
  
But Hak-yeon was in pain, and Bin would do anything to help him.  
  
Even if that meant going out into the scary outside.  
  
Taek-woon let him go, but he had to make sure not to touch Saet-byul. He wasn’t allowed to hit or yell at her, and he had to make sure he behaved well. He had a hard time agreeing, imagining beating Saet-byul in the same way her mother beat his hyungs, but he eventually did. Hak-yeon was more important than what Bin wanted. So he promised, promised he would be good, and Taek-woon let him go.  
  
When the other two left, which Bin was very proud to have sat still the whole time they were there, Taek-woon turned to him. “Would you like to drink anything Hong-binnie?” He had to admit, he was always a little star struck whenever Taek-woon called him that, hearing his deep voice calling him the name usually reserved for Hak-yeon confusing him. Not that he didn’t like it. When he didn’t answer, just staring in a daze, Taek-woon asked again, this time firmer and without the special name. “Do you want to drink? Hong-bin?”  
  
“A-ah...w-water.”  
  
“Alright. Stay here, I’ll be right back.” His eyes widened in fear when Taek-woon made a move to get up, hurriedly grabbing his arm and pulling him back.  
  
“Don’t leave Bin here,” he hissed, speaking quietly so Saet-byul wouldn’t be able to hear them. “Don’t want to be alone.”  
  
“I won’t be long. I’m just going to go get your water-”  
  
“I can go get it.” He stiffened at the sound of that girl’s voice, glancing out the corner of his eye to see her forcing a smile. “You can wait here. I’ll be quick.” She ran off before either of them could say anything, and Bin felt his fingers relaxing the moment she was gone. Taek-woon noticed, reaching over and patting his head gently.  
  
“You’re doing great, Hong-bin,” he said softly, and Bin felt a wave of warmth flowing through him with each pat. He leaned into the touch, feeling incredibly safe and happy, allowing Taek-woon to wrap his arm around his shoulders and pull him into his side. It was different from how Hak-yeon made him feel, Hak-yeon making Bin feel warm and safe and nothing will ever touch him again as long as Hak-yeon was there. But Taek-woon...he felt like he could rely on him. He felt safe. His eyes closed, feeling himself falling asleep, when the sudden loud scraping of the chair scared him, and he snapped his eyes open to see Saet-byul place a cup of water in front of him. Taek-woon pulled away, and Bin suddenly felt so cold and sad, to take her cup of coffee. He glared at her for ruining everything.  
  
It was quiet, Saet-byul looking like she wanted to say something but was too scared to, and Taek-woon calmly drinking his coffee. He exhaled gently before looking up to see how worked up she was, smiling. “Are you that worried?”  
  
“Yes!” she nearly shouted, her face quickly reddening in embarrassment. Bin would have laughed at her if Taek-woon wasn’t right next to him.  
  
“If you’re worried, then you need to answer everything honestly and truthfully. I can’t help either of you if you lie.”  
  
She hesitated but eventually nodded.  
  
“Who is hurting you?” Bin looked over at her in surprise, not having noticed that she was hurt. He didn’t notice at first, she had put some kind of magic stuff over her face to hide it, but he could see the bruises and cuts on her skin. He was an expert at noticing; he had them all over his own body, not to mention seeing it multiple times on Hak-yeon and his other hyungs. He had grown up watching and seeing those cuts and bruises becoming a part of him and the others, there were none that could get past him.  
  
But why was she letting herself get hurt?  
  
She could hurt them back with the dolls. Why didn’t she use the dolls?  
  
She fidgeted, fingering a slightly hidden bruise on her arm. “N-no one.”  
  
“I told you, you have to tell the truth.”  
  
She winced, her eyes starting to water. “Can’t I just say yes? I...I don’t want to say who...please don’t make me.”  
  
Taek-woon sighed, taking another sip of his coffee. “Alright, you won’t have to say who.”  
  
She visibly relaxed, a smile coming back to her face. “What else do you want to know? I’ll tell you anything.”  
  
“What’s your relationship with Hak-yeon?” Both he and Saet-byul froze, and he looked up at Taek-woon in horror. Taek-woon didn’t know about the dolls. He didn’t know that Hak-yeon was Saet-byul’s doll, and he wasn’t supposed to ever know. It was one of the only things Hak-yeon told Bin to promise him, to never let Taek-woon find out about what he really was. Bin had promised.  
  
“Nothing!” Bin said quickly, shaking his arm. “Nothing!”  
  
“Hong-bin,” Taek-woon said slowly, and he could feel the other’s scary glare on him. He normally would have cowered, but today he had to be brave. He had promised Hak-yeon.  
  
“Can’t tell, can’t tell,” he pressed, hoping Taek-woon would understand and stop trying to ask. “Can’t ask.” He turned to Saet-byul who was staring at him in wonder. “Don’t tell. You can’t tell.”  
  
“Stop it,” Taek-woon said irritably, grabbing Bin’s hands together and holding them tightly. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to take you home.”  
  
He froze. No! He couldn’t go home, not until he made sure she wouldn’t hurt Hak-yeon again. He whimpered, suddenly uncertain what to do. He promised Hak-yeon, but he didn’t want to go home. He eventually pulled away, deciding making sure Hak-yeon was okay was more important. He made sure to give Taek-woon a big glare instead, hoping he realized how angry he was.  
  
“Now Saet-byul, what is your relationship with Hak-yeon?”  
  
She looked just as uncomfortable as Bin on how to answer. “W-why do you ask? I-I loved him and he used to take care of me. That’s all.”  
  
Taek-woon shook his head. “I’ve felt for a long time that there’s something that all of you, you too Hong-bin, have been keeping from me. I don’t know what it is, or why you’ve been keeping it secret.”  
  
Bin made sure to keep his eyes far away from Taek-woon’s, knowing he was saying the truth. Saet-byul was just as torn, her hands fidgeting. “It’s because you would hate me if I told you.” Taek-woon didn’t say anything, his face like the statue it always was, and Saet-byul continued. Bin noticed she started crying. “He already hates me for it,” she whimpered, gesturing to Bin. “You would hate me. Jae-hwan and Won-shik would hate me. Even...even Hyukkie would hate me.”  
  
“You know that’s not true,” Taek-woon said gently.  
  
“I know it’s true. How could you look at me if you knew that N was my doll?”  
  
“Doll?” Saet-byul and Bin’s eyes widened, her slapping her hands over her mouth in horror.  
  
“Nothing!” Bin cried, hoping to distract him. “She didn’t mean doll! Not doll!” He pulled on his arm, hoping to get him to forget about it, but it only seemed to make Taek-woon more focused.  
  
“What do you mean he’s a doll?”  
  
“Please forget it,” she pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Please Taek-woon oppa.”  
  
“I can’t,” he said sternly. “Whatever is happening to you is affecting Hak-yeon, enough that he is hurting himself. I need to know so I can help him.”  
  
That shut her up, her eyes widening. “He’s getting hurt?”  
  
“Yes,” Bin snapped, unable to control himself when he saw her act so innocently. She knew what she was doing. She knew it every time she stabbed and pierced Hak-yeon’s doll. He knew it. He just knew it. “You’re stabbing him aren’t you? You’re twisting his insides and ripping him apart. You’re punishing him, aren’t you? You’re just like _her_. And then when Hak-yeon hyung is crying and begging you to stop, you’ll just _laugh_ , you’ll laugh and hurt him all over again. That’s what you do. That’s _all_ you do, isn’t it? You-”  
  
“Stop it!” Bin snapped his mouth shut as he instinctively pulled back, cowering, and he glanced up through his fringe to see Saet-byul glaring at him. She was crying just as much as he was; he had started crying sometime during his shout.  “I would _never_ touch N’s doll in such a way. I love him and would never hurt him. Don’t you ever compare me to my mother.” She glared at him, and suddenly he couldn’t see Saet-byul’s face, all he could see was _her_ face, and he felt everything slowing.  
  
 _She_ was looking at him. _She_ was angry at him.  
  
He looked around wildly for Hak-yeon, for his anchor, his reassurance that everything was alright. But Hak-yeon wasn’t here. He was alone.  
  
 _She_ was still looking at him. _She_ was going to punish him.  
  
He started breathing heavily, flailing desperately for _something_ to hold onto. He vaguely heard Taek-woon call his name and then he was smashed heavily into something soft. He cried, cried and cried as Taek-woon rocked him in his arms. He grabbed desperately at his shirt, clawing at him to make sure he was real. Taek-woon had to be real. _She_ never had him. _She_ never touched him.  
  
It took him a long while until he was able to start breathing normally, his arms wrapped around Taek-woon’s waist with no intention of letting go. He relished in the feeling of Taek-woon’s hands raking through his hair, the motion incredibly soothing. He didn’t know how long this went on, didn’t want to know.  
  
He never wanted to move again.  
  
\--  
  
Taek-woon’s heart was still racing as he held Hong-bin in a vice-like grip, holding so tight the boy couldn’t even squirm let alone move. He sent the few other patrons apologetic looks, knowing that if they continued they’d be kicked out.  
  
He had never seen Hong-bin have a panic attack, only heard about them in off-handed comments from Hak-yeon. Usually it was something Taek-woon did or said that would trigger them, albeit unintentionally, and Hong-bin would usually shoot out of the room. The way Hak-yeon had described them made them seem mild, as if it was just a soft cry that would eventually lull him to sleep. He hadn’t expected him to start screaming and flailing, uselessly gasping for air. It hauntingly reminded him of Hak-yeon’s first attack, and that terrified him.  
  
Saet-byul looked somewhere between horrified and absorbed, staring in wonder. When he felt Hong-bin finally calm, his body relaxing as he fell asleep, he addressed her. “Don’t speak to him so harshly. He doesn’t react well.”  
  
She looked appropriately cowed. “I’m sorry. He started accusing me and I got angry-”  
  
“Hong-bin doesn’t lie. He can’t lie. If he says something, there’s some truth to it.” She seemed to understand his implication, her face paling. “This doll, from what I’m understanding, can cause Hak-yeon harm if you hurt it.” She didn't move for the longest time, her hands shaking, though in the end she gave a soft nod. “Is it like a voodoo doll?”  
  
Her face scrunched up. “We don’t use that name…”  
  
“So it is?”  
  
“It’s the reason my mother was arrested. She creates dolls by binding humans to them, sewing their hair and painting them with their blood.”  
  
Taek-woon felt himself grow sick, the blood draining from his face.  
  
She looked visibly tired as she lifted up her arm, rolling back the sleeve of her dress to reveal a long scar that ran down her forearm. “My mother did this to get my blood. She put it on N’s doll so that we would be connected. If you look at N’s right side, he has one too. My mother stabbed him there to get his blood.”  
  
Suddenly Hak-yeon’s insistence to never wear clothes that showed skin made so much sense. He imagined scars similar to his hands all over his body.  
  
“All of those that were sent to the hospital with N were dolls my mother had locked in the basement. She tortured them down there.”  
  
When Hak-yeon had been brought to the hospital, he had heard reports from the police and murmurs from the doctors about how he’d been rescued from the basement. He thought back to the time he first saw Hak-yeon once he had finished surgery, the ugly scars and bruises decorating his skin. Hak-yeon had told him it was the first time she had done that to him, that he had never been hurt before. He was only meant to watch Saet-byul-  
  
He turned his eyes back to her, seeing her in a new light as the seemingly innocent girl he knew her as darkened. She had _known_. He remembered how she had always carried that doll around, wondering why she loved such an ugly looking thing. Now it all made sense, why Hak-yeon was always slightly disconcerted at the sight of it, how she cared for it like a precious treasure. It made sense why they had all been so terrified of her, and why only he had been confused at their behavior. It all made sense.  
  
“Then...that doll you always carried around…”  
  
She hiccupped, a tired smile on her lips, as she lifted her purse into her lap, tenderly lifting the ratted doll up. “Yes,” she whispered, holding it up so he could finally get a clear look. “This is N’s doll.”  
  
His eyes ran over it as quickly as he could, wanting to commit every little detail to memory. There were a few strands of hair stitched to the top of the head, a crude little smile stitched into its face. It was poorly made, the limbs barely attached and with a misshaped heart and eyes, to which he now knew were painted with Hak-yeon’s blood. Saet-byul smiled as she cradled it to her chest, running her finger down it’s face. “N was meant to be my doll. I was supposed to take care of him and he was supposed to stay by my side forever.”  
  
“Then…”  
  
“My mother was never supposed to touch him. He was _mine_.” Her fingers tightened and Taek-woon panicked, realizing that she was hurting Hak-yeon.  
  
“Don’t do that!” he cried out, reaching over and attempting to pull the doll away from her. She reacted, slapping his hand away and scooting her chair back.  
  
“You can’t touch it,” she said dangerously, her voice low. He paused, momentarily surprised at her vicious tone. Hong-bin shifted next to him, Taek-woon’s sudden movement having woken the boy. He blinked blearily before his eyes landed on the doll, stiffening in his seat.  
  
“Put away!” Hong-bin demanded. “Don’t hurt Hak-yeon hyung!”  
  
Now Hong-bin’s constant ranting about Saet-byul being dangerous to Hak-yeon made sense. Everything was making too much sense. He felt sick to his stomach as he watched Saet-byul put the doll back in her purse, thinking how each jostle could potentially hurt Hak-yeon. Anything she did could hurt him. Saet-byul noticed his stare, and her face crumbled.  
  
“See? I told you. You’d hate me.”  
  
“I…” No, he didn’t hate her, but he wasn’t sure what exactly he was feeling. He had tried numerous times to imagine what had really gone on between Saet-byul and Hak-yeon, but never would he have guessed something like this. If he hadn’t witnessed Hak-yeon fall apart in front of him and Saet-byul covet that doll, he wouldn’t have believed them. But there was too much evidence to ignore, too many things that made sense. No, he didn’t hate her, but a part of him was suddenly very afraid of her.  
  
“Horrible person,” Bin snapped, and he looked at the younger boy in shock but felt his mouth run dry when he tried to defend her. “Wicked girl.”  
  
“No…” Saet-byul whimpered. “I’m not like that...I’ve never hurt N. Never…”  
  
“You’re evil. Always.”  
  
“No…”  
  
“Binnie…” Taek-woon finally whispered, and he could see Hong-bin freeze. He had never called Hong-bin by just Bin alone, believing that the way for him to get better was to start referring to him by his real name. But now he wasn’t looking at Hong-bin as just a sick boy. He realized now why Hong-bin was the way he was, why Hak-yeon was so protective of him, why he was so terrified and angry at Saet-byul. Hak-yeon had said he was the only one that was able to stay out; did that mean Hong-bin had been in the basement the whole time? “Acting like this won’t help Hak-yeon.”  
  
Hong-bin paused, more insults on the tip of his tongue, though eventually he sat back in his chair and kept his mouth shut.  
  
“Now...Saet-byul…” He realized his voice was shaking; he only hoped she didn’t notice. “You’re really not hurting Hak-yeon’s...his _doll_?”  
  
She shook her head fervently. “No, I never would.”  
  
“Does he get hurt when you’re hurt? He might be reacting to when you’re hurt.”  
  
She flinched at the word ‘hurt’, though she didn’t say anything right away. “It...it shouldn’t work like that. It’s supposed to be only when the doll is hurt.”  
  
“It’s been happening almost every day.” Her face paled as fingers traced her black eye.  
  
“It shouldn’t...maybe...maybe you’re right.” She lowered her head for a second. “My mother never explained it to me, but N is supposed to be a special doll because she used both of our blood for his doll. Do...do you think that’s why he feels my pain?”  
  
He didn’t answer, _couldn’t_ answer, everything still too new and raw to even attempt to give his own ideas. He was still trying to wrap his head around his best friend being a voodoo doll. How...how could she expect him to answer? Hong-bin didn’t seem to have an answer either, instead just burying his face into Taek-woon side. He wrapped an arm around Hong-bin’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “I...I don’t know how to answer you Saet-byul. But for now...for now,” he took a deep breath to steady himself, “we should end this. It’s probably best I bring Hong-bin home.”  
  
She looked hurt, but nodded all the same. “I-I see… I’ll try to find out what’s going on. If...if I find anything I’ll let you know.”  
  
At that, Taek-woon stood up, helping Hong-bin to his feet. “I’ll check on Hak-yeon. Depending on how he feels would determine whether I’ll let him meet you or not.” A small part, no, a _large_ part of him wanted to keep his friend far, far away from her, to keep him safe. Now that he knew she held in her hands a way to hurt him, he never wanted to let the two get near each other again. But...but if letting them meet can alleviate Hak-yeon of his fits and help him get back to normal, he’d do it.  
  
Saet-byul stood up with him, smiling that seemingly innocent smile. “Thank you Taek-woon oppa.”


	7. Chapter 7

She let her mind go blank as she walked through the snowy streets, her eyes hard as she headed to the one place she promised herself she would never visit. She was on autopilot as she filled out her name and answered questions, only preparing herself when she was brought into a little room with a glass panel that showed into another similar-sized room. She took deep breaths as she readied herself, inwardly reminding herself to not say anything and to keep a straight face.

She couldn’t cry.

The door in the room opened and a woman with ragged long hair and bags under her eyes that went down to her cheeks stepped inside. She looked dead, though that didn’t stop her face from brightening at the sight of her.

“Saet-byul!” she cried out, pushing away the police officer as she ran to the seat at the glass panel, slapping it excitedly. There were tears in her mother’s eyes. “Saet-byullie, you came to see your Mommy!”

She took another steadying breath, reminding herself not to cry, but found that her eyes were surprisingly dry. There were no tears to cry. She felt oddly proud of herself for that. With exceptional calmness, she lifted the phone and held it to her ear. Her mother hurriedly did the same. “I didn’t come to see you,” she said icily, and her mother flinched, falling back into her chair in shock. She ignored that. “I need to ask you questions.”

“Anything, anything,” her mother reassured, scooting her chair closer. “Ask your Mommy anything.”

“What did you mean when you said N was a special doll?”

She betrayed her calm composure when her mother slammed herself against the glass, her eyes wild as she brought a finger to her lips. _“You can’t talk about that here. People are listening.”_

Her eyes hard, she brought the phone to her lips. “I don’t care. Answer me. What is special about N?”

_“Saet-byul-”_

_“What is special about him?”_ she screamed, hurriedly choking back her sobs when the officer knocked on the door to ask if she was alright. She had to stay calm. She couldn’t leave here without her answers. “Tell me. Does he feel pain when I’m hurt?”

Her mother blubbered as she fell back into her chair, holding her head in her hands and rocking back and forth. She waited with increasing calmness for her mother to recompose herself, honing in on the small nod she finally gave. Her fingers tightened a bunch of her dress into a ball, growling. “Why? Why would you do that? Why would you do that to me?”

“He was supposed to take care of you,” her mother sobbed, still rocking as she pressed her lips to the phone’s speaker. “He was supposed to take care of you. Take all your pain away and make you feel nothing but happiness.”

“Why? I don’t want that! I don’t want him to feel my pain. I don’t want him to hurt at all! My precious doll, why would I want him in pain?”

“You weren’t supposed to love him! You were supposed to love Seok-jin! I was preparing him just for you! But you killed him!”

“I did it for N! Everything I ever did was for N! Why couldn’t you see I was happy with him? Why did you take him from me? Why?”

“He was taking you from me,” her mother whimpered, finally looking up and showing her bloodshot eyes. “He was taking my little Saet-byul away from me. If you were gone, you would take the last of _him_ with you. I...you’re all I had left.”

“It’s all your fault! Because of you N is scared of me! Taek-woon oppa is scared of me! Everyone’s scared of me! I haven’t done anything like you, yet they’re terrified at the sight of me…”

_“What?”_ her mother roared, slapping a hand on the glass again. She wasn’t surprised by that anymore. “He _dare_ avoid you? How dare a mere doll-”

“It’s because of you! You tortured and hurt _my_ doll! I loved him and would never have hurt him! But because of you, he won’t come near me. He has terrible fits now and hurts himself all because of what you did to him!” Another knock on the door, this time the officer telling her she had two minutes left. She grit her teeth. There wasn’t much time left. She looked back to her mother to see her trembling, her eyes full of tears and her chapped lips shaking. She wouldn’t get anything out of her mother if she continued like this.

“Mother,” she started formally, though her mother just shook her head.

“No Byullie,” she said gently, and she stiffened at the nickname. That nickname was N’s alone; her mother was _not_ allowed to use it. “You used to call me Mommy, remember? Call me Mommy.”

“Mother,” she repeated more forcefully, and her mother’s face crumbled, “what can I do so N won’t feel my pain anymore?”

“There’s nothing you can do. He was born a special doll and will die a special doll.”

“So I can’t get hurt anymore? That’s the only way to protect him?”

“Why are you asking these kinds of questions? N is meant to take away your pain. Why are you trying to help him?”

“I love him,” she said simply, “and I will do whatever I can to protect him.”

Her mother’s face fell, but instead she just smiled sadly. “You look very pretty today. Were you meeting a boy?”

Her jaw clenched. She had denied her a normal childhood, nearly killed any friends she had; how could she ask her such a question? “What can I do to help N?”

“Were you meeting Hyukkie?”

She shot up from her chair, the phone slipping out of her hand, eyes glued to the serene smile on her mother’s lips.

“I would have made Hyukkie into a doll for you if you asked. I would have given anyone to you. You know that don’t you? My precious daughter.”

“Stop it...stop it!”

“I can still do it. I can do it if you ask me. Just bring me his hair and blood. Anything for you, Saet-byul.”

_“Stop it!”_

At that, the officers ran in on both sides, one quietly guiding her out while the other forcibly yanked her mother up. She could hear her mother fight the officer, continuing to shout for her. Her screams rang in her ears the entire walk home, the idea of making dolls still buzzing in her head when she opened the door to see a pair of lecherous eyes staring down at her.


	8. Chapter 8

_“Binnie,”_ Hak-yeon cried as he cradled the younger boy in his arms, not having let the other go for over half an hour since he and Hong-bin had arrived home. _“My little Binnie…”_

Taek-woon had originally planned on going out alone, which would not have required him to tell Hak-yeon where he was going. He hadn’t thought about telling him even when Hong-bin had demanded to come along, though in hindsight he probably should have. Hak-yeon looked like a nervous wreck when they finally got home, pulling Hong-bin into a death hug the moment he saw them.

Taek-woon waited until Hak-yeon had finally quieted before going over to him with a glass of water, the other having cried his throat raw. However, the moment he held the glass out, he was met with a vicious glare, Hak-yeon’s hands tightening until Hong-bin gasped.

“How could you do this to him, Jung Taek-woon?” he hissed, voice shaking. “How could you even think of bringing him outside?”

“He wanted to come,” Taek-woon replied gently, leaning down and placing the glass next to him. Hak-yeon’s eyes shifted to the glass before back to him, a hint of confusion in his eyes. “We went to meet Saet-byul. I’m sorry, I should have told you.”

“M-meet…?” Hak-yeon’s arms went completely limp at the mention of Saet-byul’s name, finally letting Hong-bin wiggle himself free enough to turn to face him.

“Yes hyung, Bin and Taek-woon hyung went to meet Saet-byul. Bin made sure she stopped hurting you.” He beamed proudly at the other, waiting to hear his praise, but none came. Hak-yeon sat completely silent, his face crest-fallen as if trying to process the information. Hong-bin seemed to notice his reaction, pulling his arms out and wrapping them gently over the elder’s shoulders, resting his cheek on the other’s collarbone. “But hyung,” he whispered, almost as if he didn’t want Taek-woon to hear, “Taek-woon hyung knows.”

_“What?”_ Hak-yeon screeched, shoving Hong-bin away as he scrambled out of the bed, dry-heaving as slammed himself against the opposite corner of the room, slapping the wall as if trying to escape. When his hands were red and his screams piercing, he slowly turned around, dry-heaving, eyes locked on Taek-woon. His whole body trembled as he stared at them, his face absolutely devastated. Hong-bin matched his expression completely, shaking his head and grabbing at his hair.

“I’m sorry hyung, I’m really sorry. Bin wanted to keep his promise, but Taek-woon hyung was going to take me home if I did. Bin tried to stop but Saet-byul told him. He knows. He knows…”

_“No,”_ Hak-yeon sobbed, slowly sliding to the floor as he buried his head in his knees, covering his head as if trying to hide away. Taek-woon watched as Hak-yeon started to sob loudly and painfully, each sob racking and shaking his entire body. He felt his heart break at the sight of his friend, his eyes honing in on all the scars peeking out from under his sleeves. He took in each puckered mark, his breaths heavy as he saw how the skin darkened and twisted unnaturally, each one larger than the next.

Blinking heavily to stop the tears from spilling, Taek-woon took tentative steps forward until he stood in front of the crying mess that was his friend. Swallowing, he knelt down until he was eye level with the other, smiling bitterly when he didn’t make any movement to acknowledge him. “Hak-yeon,” he breathed, voice almost inaudible.

Hak-yeon flinched as he looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot. “No…” he blubbered, “not you Taek-woonie. Not you...only you. Only you.” He waited patiently for the other to string his thoughts together, making sure not to do anything that might cause him to shut down completely. “You...I don’t care if anyone else knows, but you can’t. You can’t know about the doll. You _can’t.”_

Taek-woon silently reached over and tenderly lifted Hak-yeon’s hands out of his hair, kneading the back of his hands with his thumb. The gentle movement was enough, Hak-yeon’s cries slowly quieted as he watched him. Eventually his breathing slowed enough until he was able to stop shuddering, the tears on his cheeks drying. “Hak-yeon…” He slowly moved his thumbs up Hak-yeon’s hands until getting to his wrists. He tried pushing his sleeves up but Hak-yeon panicked, yanking his hands away to pull them back down.

_“No…”_

“Hak-yeon,” he repeated, taking his hands again and swiftly pulled his sleeves up to reveal each and every scar that decorated his friend’s beautiful tanned skin. It took every bit of willpower to not _stare_ , to not marvel at how one human being could do something so utterly cruel to another. But staring would not do any good, so he forced himself to look back into his friend’s eyes, frowning when he saw how ashamed the other was. “There is nothing to be ashamed about Hak-yeon. You did nothing wrong.”

“I’m a doll,” he whispered, head resting against the wall in defeat, no longer having any energy to move.

“No you’re not. You’re Cha Hak-yeon.”

“No, that’s not me anymore. That’s not me.”

“Yes it is. You’re not there anymore. You’re with me now, and I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

Hak-yeon finally moved his head to look at him. “You can’t do anything. She can do whatever she wants to me and I have to do it, no matter what.”

“No you don't.” He placed a hand on one of the scars, the skin rough. “If she ever purposefully hurts you, I’ll stop her myself. I won’t let you get hurt again.” Hak-yeon stared at him in disbelief, almost as if he truly was unable to understand what he was saying. Taek-woon’s fingers clenched.

“I promise.”

\--

He knew. Taek-woon knew. He knew he knew he knew he knew he knew he knew he knew _knew._ He was never supposed to find out. Out of the whole entire world, Taek-woon was the only person who wasn't supposed to know. His beautiful and sweet Taek-woon...he couldn't know what he really was. He couldn't find out about the dolls. How could this have happened? How could his lovely Taek-woon have found out? How could Binnie have let this happen? How could _he_ have let this happen? And then he _saw_. He couldn't stop him. He saw how _damaged_ he was, saw the way she had left her mark on him. And he _stared._ He couldn’t stand the stares, how shocked he looked. He tried to squirm away, to hide them and never let anyone see them again, but Taek-woon wouldn’t let him.

Taek-woon was gentle with him, taking him to the bathroom to take a bath. He could tell from the way Taek-woon waited that he wanted him to take off his clothes. No, he didn’t want to. But his body didn’t listen to him, it never listened to him, and he found himself standing still as Taek-woon slowly peeled his sweater off of him. Taek-woon already had the bath ready, the steam cascading over his exposed skin; he felt himself climb into the tub, his body almost on autopilot as he felt the burning sensation from the hot water sting.

He tried to hide his scars, his ugly, ugly scars, lowering himself in the water so that only his head was visible. Taek-woon didn’t seem to mind, silent as he went on to wash his hair.

How much did he know? He knew he was a doll, he knew he was Saet-byul’s doll, but did he know about the basement? Did he know that she had tortured him because she wanted Taek-woon, that she had been ready to go and grab his precious Taek-woonie? Did he know that she had punched holes in his skin and strung him up like an animal, cutting him up and then sewing him back together? He couldn’t have, there was no way his Taek-woonie would be here, calmly helping him bathe if he knew.

He stole a glance at Taek-woon’s face, watching as he impassively cleaned his hair, and out of the corner of his eye noticed something peek in from behind the door. His Binnie, his little Binnie, stared at him guiltily, his head bowed and fingers gripping the door frame tightly. His sweet Binnie, he couldn’t be upset with him. For once, his body listened to him as he waved the younger over, and the bright smile that grew on Binnie’s face was enough to warm his numb heart. He could hear Taek-woon sigh quietly behind him as Binnie jumped into the tub with him, immediately leaning into his lap and pressing his face to his chest.

He hugged his Binnie tightly, leaning his cheek on the younger’s head, until he felt the other’s thick sweater. No, Taek-woon knew now. He had seen and felt his scars, he must feel Binnie’s too. “No, Binnie,” he said gently, pushing Binnie away and pulling off his sweater. Binnie squealed, ducking down in the water to try and hide himself and Taek-woon called his name hurriedly, surprised. He ignored Taek-woon, leaning forward and cupping Binnie’s cheeks in his hands, attempting to give him a smile.

“Taek-woon knows now. He knows what we are. Binnie, you don’t...we don’t have to hide now.”  Binnie still refused, shaking, so he moved over and comforted him, whispering sweet things until he eventually calmed down and slowly sat up. He waited for Taek-woon to continue cleaning them, wanting nothing more than to finish and hide away his skin again, but Taek-woon didn’t move. He wanted to turn around and ask him what’s wrong, to snap at him to stop staring, to do _something,_ but his body refused to move. The only thing he was able to do was continue to comfort Binnie, running his hand through his hair and cupping his cheek.

Eventually Taek-woon moved, now going over to clean Binnie. He could see Taek-woon pause at the two scars on Binnie’s shoulders, the scars that had been the places where he had been chained to the wall. Binnie’s were worse than his from the many attempts he had tried to escape, his torn and ragged. But Taek-woon was sweet, not saying a word as he cleaned over the scars and his back, and Binnie was almost relaxing until Taek-woon tried to wash his arms. At that Binnie yanked himself away and flew to his arms, clinging onto him desperately. Taek-woon looked guilt-stricken, attempting to apologize, but it only scared Binnie further.

“It’s okay Binnie,” he soothed gently, knowing his voice was enough to calm the other down. “Taek-woonie won’t hurt you. You are safe.” He said this in a way almost to comfort himself, trying his best to appear okay while inwardly hating every second.

“C-can’t…” Binnie cried, stuttering, “Can’t...can’t look.”

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m here. I won’t let him hurt you.”

Binnie paused, his face conflicted, before he tentatively pulled away, his hands still shaking as he handed them over to Taek-woon. He watched as Taek-woon carefully handled his arms as he turned them over, a soft gasp escaping his lips when he revealed scars upon scars on Binnie’s arms. He knew Binnie was just as embarrassed of his arms as he was of his, his scars coming from his habit of cutting himself on the glass of his cage in an attempt to pacify Saet-byul’s mother. There were so many on his wrists that it appeared almost as one large mark, unable to tell where one ended and the next started.

“Hong-bin…” Taek-woon whispered, fingering the skin with his thumb.

“Bad…” Binnie whispered back, his cheeks flushed as he kept his head low. “When Bin was bad... _she_ made me. To save them...Bin did to save them.” He cooed as he cradled Binnie’s head, running his wet fingers through his hair tenderly. He hated seeing his soft Binnie cry, hated seeing him scared and filled with fear that he shouldn’t have anymore. “ _She_ liked. Stopped when Bin bled.” Taek-woon seemed to realize that if he didn’t do something Binnie would start panicking, retreating back into his terrifying memories, and finished their bath quickly.

He was relieved when he was finally able to put his clothes back on, turning his leadened eyes on Taek-woon as he the other tucked Binnie into bed. He stood completely still as he waited for Taek-woon to help him, his body not letting him move on his own, but Taek-woon didn’t seem to have that in mind.

“Hak-yeon,” he said in his soft voice, “I want to talk with you.” He didn’t say anything, his mind growing fuzzy the moment he started speaking. It was always like this, random times throughout the day his mind shutting down and him barely conscious of what goes on around him. It was growing more frequent now with the start of his fits, and it terrified him. Taek-woon seemed to think he was ignoring him, biting his lip as he scratched the back of his neck. “Alone.”

He nodded, and even that was a feat. He could feel Taek-woon take his hand and lead him out of the room, shutting the door and leading him to his own bedroom. They sat down on Taek-woon’s bed, and he could vaguely feel the other’s stare on him. “Hak-yeon...I want to ask you something.” He waited, letting Taek-woon take his time. “Your mother...can you not see your mother because of...of the _doll_?”

His eyes snapped wide open, the haze vanishing as he stared at the other in shock at the mention of his mother. “M-my...my mother?”

He nodded. “My mother wants to try something to help you see your mother. I don’t know how you’ll react-”

“Yes. Yes Taek-woonie. Let me see her.” He fumbled as he tried to grab his hand, wanting to show Taek-woon how desperate he was. He eventually just grabbed his sleeve, squeezing it tightly. “Anyway you can.”

Taek-woon hesitated. “Will you hurt yourself?”

“No,” he said quickly, wishing he could raise his voice above the monotone he was forced to speak in. “I just can’t be in the same room with her. Please...please Taek-woon.” Taek-woon nodded, silent for a while. Finally,

“Is it because of your doll?” He didn’t want this conversation. He struggled, feeling as if he was pushing against a wall as he pried his fingers away from the other. He could hear how the other hesitated when speaking about the doll, a hint of disbelief in his voice, and he wanted nothing more than to hide away. “Hak-yeon, I won’t treat you any different because of this. You’re still my friend.”

“Friend…” he whispered bitterly. How can he be friends with him? “I can’t…”

“Why not?”

“I can’t. Friends...family...I can’t have them. I’m a doll. I’m only good for Saet-byul.” That wasn’t what he thought, that wasn’t what he wanted, but he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted Taek-woon. He wanted Binnie. He wanted to live with them normally and happily, but he knew that was impossible. He was a doll, a doll meant to take whatever pain that was inflicted on his doll.

“No you’re not. You’re friends with me and Hong-bin. You can.”

He felt the prickling of tears at the edges of his eyes, a foreign feeling, and suddenly he felt Taek-woon’s strong arms wrap around him. It was warm, he wasn’t the one on the receiving end of hugs often, and he felt himself lean into the touch as the tears freely rolled down his cheeks. “Taek-woon,” he whimpered, his hands shakily lifting and hugging back, “Taek-woonie…”

“I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, “thank you.”

They stayed that way for the longest time, him reveling in the warmth, when Taek-woon eventually pulled away, and he inwardly whimpered. “There is something I promised to ask you about,” he said. Taek-woon paused, biting his lip again. “Saet-byul...Saet-byul says she wants to see you. If you don’t want to, I understand-”

“Let me see her.”

“What?”

"I need to see her." He had to see her. She was doing something to him, causing him to go into uncontrollable fits that made him hurt Binnie and Taek-woon. He was sure she didn’t know what she was doing, Saet-byul was unable to hurt even a fly, but whatever it was he had to stop it. That and...he wanted to check how his little Byullie was doing. He wasn’t sure how his body would respond to the sight of her, since it was less and less willing to do what he wanted, but he wanted to try. “I…” The fuzzy ring was back, and he found himself losing focus. “Her...see her. I want-” He stopped mid-sentence, his tongue heavy as lead.

It was as if someone had flipped a switch, his body no longer moving despite his every attempt to. He could hear Taek-woon sigh sadly, feel him reach over and fix his hair gently, see the saddened look on his friend’s face, but he could not do anything to help him. He felt his body lifted up, felt his knees buckle when Taek-woon tried to put his feet on the ground. He ended up being carried, taken back to his room with Binnie. He felt himself lied down and his arms moved on their own to wrap around Binnie, the younger boy instinctively leaning into his touch.

It was later in the night, his eyes still wide open and nowhere near tired, that he felt Binnie jerk awake in his sleep, crying desperately for him. He screamed, pleading to not hurt him or the others. Like always, he comforted the boy and, like always, they ran out of the room and jumped into Taek-woon’s bed, clinging onto him like a lifeline. It was only the strong presence of Taek-woon that allowed for the two of them to fall asleep and, with Hong-bin pressed to his front and himself pressed into Taek-woon’s back, they fell asleep.

Deep in his sleep, Taek-woon hummed as a hand reached over and comforted Binnie.

\--

_Taek-woon was jolted awake at the sound of his phone ringing, and he pushed away any sleepiness as he hurriedly grabbed it. Luckily neither Hong-bin nor Hak-yeon seemed to have heard it, sleeping away. He frowned when he saw who it was from, answering it right there. “Saet-byul?”_

“Taek-woon oppa…” she said, and he noticed right away how cold her voice sounded. It was  eerily calm. “N...is N hurting right now?”

Almost immediately after she said that he felt Hak-yeon’s arms around his waist pull away, and Taek-woon rolled over the best he could to see Hak-yeon listlessly sit up, his normally dull eyes empty. He recognized the gaze instantly, and he yanked his other hand from Hong-bin’s death grip to tug at Hak-yeon’s sleeve. Hak-yeon hesitated from getting up, staring at his hand, before laying right back down and falling asleep.

He sighed softly, extremely grateful that it was only one of his small ones. He turned back to his phone and Hong-bin somehow managed to grab his hand again. “He’s fine now.”

“But he was hurting?”

“Not anymore. It wasn’t serious.”

It was silent on the other end for so long, only the sound of her even breathing coming through, and he was about to ask if everything was alright when she spoke again.

“I see. Thank you.”

And then she hung up. 


	9. Chapter 9

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Taek-woon whispered softly as he hesitated on fixing Hak-yeon's scarf, pausing to look into the listless eyes that stared at him. Hak-yeon nodded, his shaking fingers the only indication that he was anything but calm. He sighed, knowing it was pointless to try and convince him otherwise at this point, but he wanted to try one last time. Hong-bin sat next to them, his eyes full of concentration as he attempted to mimic Taek-woon, trying his best to wrap his scarf around his neck. Taek-woon sighed as he moved over to the other, shooing his hands away and fixing the scarf on his own.  
  
He never thought this day would come, sitting here as he helped the two get dressed to go outside. For Hak-yeon and Hong-bin to willingly leave. His own fingers trembled as he caught Hong-bin's gaze, the other earnestly staring at him. He had always wished, hoped, that the two would get better one day, would go out and face the world together. But as he watched the two of them over the years, he had grown just as fearful as they had, and now he was full of worry at the thought of them leaving. It was too soon, he thought, they weren't ready.  
  
He wasn't ready.  
  
He stepped back as he gave the two one last look over, noting how they nearly pouted up at him from the way the scarves hugged their necks tightly. Each wore a thick coat and a pair of gloves, a hat placed firmly over their heads. He bit his lip, knowing he was stalling. He took a deep, trembling breath and the two noticed.  
  
"Taek-woon hyung," Hong-bin said quietly, a hint of worry in his voice.  Hak-yeon stared silently, though his gaze was fierce.  
  
"We should get going," he finally managed to mumble out without stammering. The last thing he needed was to set them off by sounding afraid. He didn't think he would be able to gather the courage to dress them to go out a second time. He held a hand out and helped Hong-bin up, hesitating again before doing the same for Hak-yeon. The elder didn't move for the longest time, his eyes fixed solely on Taek-woon's hand, before he eventually took it, his grip tight.  
  
He left them there as he went and grabbed his own coat, fumbling as he tried to button as slowly as possible. He could hear the two enter behind him, feel their gazes on his back, and he swallowed heavily. He turned to face them, his face emotionless, avoiding their gaze as he went to open the door. Almost immediately there was a scramble noise behind him before he felt two bodies slam into him, a pair of hands gripping either of his arms like a lifeline. He looked down to see Hak-yeon and Hong-bin pressed firmly into his sides, their nails digging into his coat.  
  
"It'll be alright," he reassured gently, awkwardly patting their sides before opening the door. Hak-yeon let out a small gasp next to him but didn't make a move to run back inside. "It'll be alright."  
  
Taek-woon frowned at every glance that was sent their way, hoping the two were too oblivious to notice them. He knew they probably looked ridiculous; the two of them were hunched over and glued to his side to the point they were near waddling. But it was the only way they could get anywhere. He thought about just taking a taxi instead, but quickly dismissed the thought, knowing it would probably scare them more to be enclosed in such a small space .  
  
Luckily, or unluckily, the small cafe that he had come to recognize soon came into view, and he swallowed heavily. He was just about to let Hak-yeon know they arrived when the other suddenly let go of his arm, his eyes full of raw emotion as he started walking off on his own.  
  
"Hyung," Hong-bin called out, wanting to go after him but too afraid to let go of Taek-woon.  
  
They watched Hak-yeon as he walked in a daze straight to the cafe, not pausing for even a second as he wrenched open the door. Taek-woon cursed softly as grabbed Hong-bin's hand and ran after him, reaching the door in time to hear the sound of a plate shattering.  
  
Hak-yeon stood stiffly by the door, his eyes locked on the girl trembling by the counter, her hands still in the air from where she had been holding a plate. Saet-byul, in turn, stared right back, her eyes wide in disbelief at the sight of Hak-yeon there. For a while nobody moved, even Hong-bin staying silent. Then, as if being pulled by invisible strings, Hak-yeon took a small step forward. Nobody moved.  
  
He took another step.  
  
Saet-byul gasped, her hands raising up to cover her mouth.  
  
He took another step, a painful cry escaping his lips.  
  
She started crying.  
  
He took another step.  
  
"N-N..." she whimpered through her fingers, and then he walked confidently towards her, pulling her into a deep embrace as he fiercely tucked her head into his shoulder. She let out a distorted sob as she wrapped her arms around him, crying his name over and over. He only shushed her gently, running a hand through her hair as he kissed the top of her head. They stayed that way for a long time, no one daring to tear them apart, until Saet-byul eventually pulled away, her eyes red and puffy as she looked up at him.  
  
"It's really you..." she murmured, reaching up and cupping his cheeks in her hands, her fingers running over his skin, her eyes taking in every little bit of him. She sniffled. "It's really you..."  
  
He nodded, silently placing his hands over hers, guiding them to his lips where he kissed them tenderly. She smiled, the first real smile Taek-woon had seen from her, when her eyes focused on his hands, her brow furrowing. "N...your hands-"  
  
Taek-woon's eyes widened when he realized what she was going to say, hurrying over and placing a hand on her shoulder. They both turned to look at him, Saet-byul's face full of worry. "Taek-woon oppa, N's hands-"  
  
"You should sit us down," he interrupted, not letting her finish. N frowned at him but Saet-byul seemed to understand, finally noticing the stares from other customers and coworkers. She coughed as she pulled her hands away from Hak-yeon, rubbing them on her front embarrassedly.  
  
"S-sorry," she mumbled, her eyes staring down at the floor. "I-I'll show you to your seat."  
  
Hak-yeon's eyes never left Saet-byul as she sat them down, so enraptured that he ignored Hong-bin's every attempt to get his attention, the younger eventually having to turn to Taek-woon for reassurance. “I can’t sit with you right now,” Saet-byul whispered as she sat them down, “I have to go back to work. But-” her hand shot out and grabbed Hak-yeon’s, squeezing tightly, “please don’t leave. I promise I’ll come see you the moment I’m done.” Hak-yeon didn’t say anything, only staring in his silent, unnerving way, though it did little to unnerve Saet-byul, her merely giving him a dazzling smile before breaking away and going off to clean up the plate she had broken.  
  
They sat there silently, nobody saying or moving except for Hak-yeon’s occasional fidgeting as he followed Saet-byul around with his eyes. Still hurt that Hak-yeon wasn’t hugging him, Hong-bin pressed himself to Taek-woon’s side, eyes glancing over to Hak-yeon every once in a while.  
  
It was hours before she finally finished, her scrambling to rip her apron off as she ran over to their table, nearly launching herself at Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon shot out of his chair as he caught her and lifted her up into his shoulder, burying his face in her hair. Hong-bin huffed angrily next to him, glaring at the two, but it was as if he and Hong-bin didn’t exist. It was strange seeing Hak-yeon so expressive, the way he looked at her as if she was his only reason for living. Knowing what he did now, it was unnerving.  
  
Saet-byul eventually was the one to pull away, smiling brightly as he put her down. “N,” she said tenderly, reaching out and taking his hands again. “I’ve missed you.” He only grunted in response, but it didn’t seem to bother her. She nudged him to sit down and he immediately did so, pulling her onto his lap. Taek-woon cleared his throat and she finally looked over at him, sending her bright smile his way. “Oh, thank you, Taek-woon oppa. Thank you.” She broke a hand away from Hak-yeon to reach over the table and grab his hand. “Thank you.”  
  
“Saet-byul,” Hak-yeon murmured, grabbing Saet-byul’s attention again, “I need to ask you something.”  
  
“Anything,” she answered quickly.  
  
“What are you doing to my doll?”  
  
\--  
  
It felt like a dream, a dream that she never, never wanted to wake up from again. She thought he had been an illusion the moment he stepped through the door. She couldn’t believe her eyes, recognizing him despite his sickly appearance and strange eyes. She realized he was real the moment a coworker greeted him, his eyes solely on her. And his hug.  
  
His warm, warm hug.  
  
She had imagined what it would like to be hugged by him again, to listen to his soothing heartbeat as she pressed herself against his soft chest. It was what had kept her from going crazy. But to actually feel him, to feel his hot breath on her cheeks and his gentle voice whisper her name in her ear, none of her imaginations could compare to that. She ignored how his hands were different, trying to not think about how it was her own mother who had changed his beautiful hands to something so awful. She ignored how his eyes seemed to see right through her, as if the light that had been her beautiful N had been snuffed out. She ignored how tired he seemed to be, ignored how while he hugged and kissed her like he used to, he seemed almost a different person.  
  
No, this was her N.  
  
No matter what happened to him, he was always N.  
  
“Saet-byul,” N whispered into her ear, and she had to hold back a shiver. No one could ever say her name the same why he could. She looked up at him lovingly, though he didn’t do the same. She hesitated; where was his smile? His bright smile and loud laugh? He was so quiet. “I need to ask you something.”  
  
“Anything,” she rushed. He didn’t have to ask her, he could say whatever he wanted. She didn’t mind. One hand pulled away from her waist and slowly raised up to her head, pushing her hair from her face. It was then that she noticed his hair was the same color as hers; did Taek-woon dye it to match hers? She liked it on him.  
  
“Why are you hurting my doll?”  
  
The world stopped.  
  
“I...I’m not hurting your doll.”  
  
He didn’t even blink. “Yes you are.” He finally looked away from her as he turned to face Taek-woon and the other boy, Hong-bin. “It makes me hurt them.” Taek-woon looked away and Hong-bin fidgeted embarrassedly, only confirming what he said.  
  
“I-it’s not me,” she said quickly, tugging on his jacket uselessly. “I promise. I would never hurt your doll.”  
  
“Then who is?”  
  
She hesitated, images of fists slamming her cheek and feet kicking her stomach flashed through her mind, one hand reaching up to finger a healing bruise on her face. She shook her head quickly, smiling brightly. “Don’t worry, I took care of it so you shouldn’t be in pain anymore.” She stole a glance at Taek-woon to see him staring intensely at her. They didn’t need to know about _him_ , they didn’t need to know anything. She took care of it, he would never touch her again, would never be able to.  
  
“Was that person hurting you too?” She jumped when he reached over and brushed her bruised cheek, his mouth pressed into a line. N didn’t know what a special doll meant, didn’t know the things she did about what kind of doll he really was. He didn’t know that his doll had never been touched, and that he had been feeling the pain she had been feeling. He didn’t know, and she wasn’t about to tell him. She pushed his hand away, swallowing.  
  
“No. I just tripped, that’s all.” He didn’t answer as he raised his hand, his fingers ghosting over her as they brushed over every bruise on her body, the hairs on the back of her neck rising. He pressed firmly into her side and she bit back a wince, taking a deep breath as rivets of pain shot through her.  
  
“Tripped…” he murmured.  
  
She panicked, thinking of any way she could distract him. “N,” she said, pulling his hand away and grinning, “how have you been? I have so many things I want to show you, I’ve taken lots of pictures just for you. Would you like to see them?”  
  
“Saet-byul,” Taek-woon started, but N cut him off.  
  
“Let her.” She fished her phone out of her pocket, and he made a noise in the back of his throat.  
  
“Your phone…”  
  
“Ah, Hyukkie bought this for me.” She was suddenly embarrassed, wishing she still had the phone N had given her. She still had it, though it was locked in the box with everything else she had saved.  
  
“Hyukkie? You still see him?” She nodded excitedly.  
  
“Yes! We see each other all the time. He, Jae-hwan, and Won-shik helped take care of me when I moved into my new home.” She looked back to her phone, missing how his face twisted before relaxing, his lip trembling.  
  
“New home…?”  
  
“Yup! See?” She grinned when she found the picture she was looking for, shoving it in his face. HIs fingers laxed around her before shakily reaching out and taking the phone, staring. “This was after I was released from the hospital. This is my new family, see? There’s Ji-hyun and Sang-hoon, my parents, and that’s…” she forced a smile, “my older brother Jung-hoon.”  
  
“A new family? What...what happened to your mother?”  
  
“Ah...I haven’t seen her since she was arrested. But don’t worry about her. Here, let me show you a picture of Hyukkie. He’s super tall now, he might be taller than you.” She was in the middle of searching for a good picture when he suddenly crushed her into his chest, burying his face in her hair. She opened her mouth to say something when he let out a quiet sob, feeling a teardrop fall on her cheek.  
  
“I’m so sorry Saet-byul,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have left you.”  
  
“It’s okay,” she whispered back somberly. “I forgive you.” He didn’t respond to that, only letting out a quiet heave. They didn’t move for the longest time, and she was perfectly fine with never moving again.  
  
Eventually, though, N shifted as he turned her around, placing his chin on her shoulder. “Your new family,” he hissed, “are they treating you well?” She shuddered, the tone in his voice chilling. He had never spoken like this to her before, and she wondered if he could see through her lies. She nodded shakily, fighting to keep her smile up, and he tightened his grip around her waist, deliberately pressing into her bruised side. “Are they really?”  
  
“Stop it Hak-yeon,” Taek-woon said hurriedly, and N’s hands immediately loosened.  
  
“It’s alright Taek-woon oppa,” she reassured quickly, hiding how unnerved she was. She glanced back to N to see him staring blankly at his hands, almost as if he was wondering what had just happened.  
  
Taek-woon had told her multiple times that N had changed, that something happened to him as the years passed by. She hadn’t believed him, didn’t want to believe. In her mind she had always imagined him to be so strong, that when she finally met him again he would sweep her off her feet into his big hug and would laugh and smile just like he used to.  
  
But this was the real N, both the man she knew and a stranger completely. She felt along one of the scars on his hand, hearing him hiss softly at the touch. She was going to help him, she decided; change him back into the happy, bright N that she loved.  
  
Their time together was cut short, however, when the boy Hong-bin started whimpering, supposedly growing more and more restless the longer they sat there. She felt her stomach churn as she watched Taek-woon help N and Hong-bin put their coats back on, watched how N wasn’t able to do it on his own. Almost immediately after they were dressed, Hong-bin pushed her aside to latch onto N in a tight hug, pushing him farther away from her. She frowned, about to say something, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
“Just let it go,” Taek-woon said softly.  
  
“But-”  
  
“That’s just how he is. It’ll only make him angrier if you say anything.” She looked back over to see Hong-bin glare at her, shifting as if to hide N behind him.  
  
“But I haven’t done anything.”  
  
“To him, you’re taking Hak-yeon away from him.” He didn’t give her a chance to respond as he moved over to the two of them, whispering gently. Whatever he said was enough to get them to move, Hong-bin almost shoving N out the door. It hurt that N didn't even look back at her, acting almost as if she didn't exist, focused entirely on Hong-bin, one hand wrapped around the other's shoulders and the other raking through the younger's hair.  
  
She felt panic course through her as she watched them leave, the possibility that Taek-woon wouldn’t allow her to see N again causing her heart to race, and she quickly ran after them. She pushed by a startled Taek-woon as she reached out to grab N’s sleeve, jumping when Hong-bin roughly shoved her back, hurriedly pushing N behind him. Flashes to that day in the hospital, when N had told her to never see him again, when Hong-bin had glared at her, N hidden behind him as he was now, standing so tall over her. The same fear she had felt that day ran through her now, and she fell back into Taek-woon’s arms; she felt his arms catch her, though they pushed her away just as quickly.  
  
She turned to look at him in shock, and even he looked surprised by his actions.  
  
She felt a part of her break.  
  
Taek-woon was afraid of her.  
  
They all were.  
  
She turned to N desperately, wanting some sort of reassurance that not everyone feared her, that she was okay. He was staring at her, his eyes glassy and clouded, though when they met hers they quickly looked away. “N….” she whimpered, her voice barely above a whisper. A long second passed before N gently nudged past Hong-bin, ignoring the other’s horrified look as he stepped up to her. She sniffled as she looked up at him; he had always seemed so big in her memory, always seeming so tall. But, she realized, she had grown taller over the years, and he didn’t seem so big anymore.  
  
He reached over and placed a gentle hand on her head, a tender smile on his lips. “Be good, okay Byullie? Live well.” His thumb traced a pattern on her cheek, but she paid no attention to that, focusing on his words and the goodbye behind them.  
  
“Are you leaving again?” she asked brokenly, feeling tears clouding her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to cry, wanting to appear strong when she finally saw N again. She wanted to show that she had grown up well, wanted him to be proud of her. She hated how weak she was.  
  
“For now. I need to take Hong-bin home.” Hong-bin whimpered behind him, a look of horror and despair on his face. Taek-woon silently went over to him, Hong-bin taking no time launching on the elder in a tight hug. N reached out with his other hand to lovingly push Hong-bin’s fringe from his eyes, and she felt a surge of jealousy rush through her.  
  
“But,” she said, getting his attention back, “you’ll come back right?” He froze and her breath caught in her throat.  
  
“...yes.”  
  
“Really?” she asked excitedly, jumping into his arms and burying her face into his shirt, ignoring his surprised shout as she breathed in his scent. He didn’t hug her back, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered except for the fact that she had N back.  
  
She had her beautiful N back.


	10. Chapter 10

Jae-hwan hadn’t initially planned to get as involved with Saet-byul as he did. He was originally interested only because he had listened to Won-shik complain on end about his tutoring student, how she was weird and he wished he didn’t have to work as a tutor. Jae-hwan had initially needled him, pointing out he shouldn’t have broken that window, though eventually it turned into actual curiosity. He followed Won-shik to his tutoring session, and that was the first time he’d met her.  
  
He only managed to see her once before “it” happened, and then she was gone. Despite pretending he didn’t care, he knew Won-shik was worried when she stopped showing up altogether, the school just as confused at her disappearance.  
  
It wasn’t until months later that he learned from Won-shik that Saet-byul had been hospitalized after her mother beat her, her mother having been arrested soon after. A boy named Sang-hyuk had been the one to tell them.  
  
  
“Wonnie!” Jae-hwan called out excitedly the moment he saw his friend step out from the terminal, his friend’s face still recognizable even when hidden behind a pair of overly large sunglasses. Won-shik scowled at the sight of him, more than embarrassed at the display Jae-hwan was putting on in front of the others waiting next to him. He laughed loudly when Won-shik walked right by him, using a newspaper to block his face, and he hurriedly ran over to tackle him in a hug, making sure to squeal his name even louder.  
  
“How is my little dongsaeng?” he called out, yanking the obnoxious sunglasses away. “What are you wearing these for? It’s the middle of the winter!”  
  
“Give those back hyung!” Won-shik growled, snatching the sunglasses back and placing them back on his face. “And could you be any louder?”  
  
“I can if you want, “ he grinned, giggling at the incredulous look on his friend’s face.  
  
“Don’t you dare.”  
  
He held up his hands in surrender as he helped Won-shik grab his luggage, leading him to his car parked outside. He talked about nonsensical things as the other listened, this being the usual dynamic in their relationship, until they sat in the car, taking a second to just sit in silence. Won-shik turned to him, his lips a thin line. “Hyung,” he said seriously.  
  
Jae-hwan turned to look back at him, just as serious. “Yes?”  
  
Won-shik didn’t say anything for the longest time, staying silent and looking so conflicted that Jae-hwan was actually starting to worry, when, “Do you have a place you’re staying at?”  
  
“...yeah...why?”  
  
“Do you have an extra bed-?” He cut him off with a loud cry, knowing exactly what the other was hinting at, and Won-shik quickly backtracked.  
  
“Really hyung! It won’t be for very long! My study abroad literally drained my bank account dry! Once I make enough money I’ll move out-”  
  
He didn’t let the other finish as he reached over to grab the younger boy in a bear hug, shoving his face into his shoulder and ruffling his hair playfully. Won-shik attempted to push him off as he cried out muffled shouts, his face smushed against Jae-hwan’s side, but Jae-hwan ignored that. “Of course my little Wonnie can live with me! You can live with me forever! Don’t worry about moving out-”  
  
“Oh my god, stop,” Won-shik hissed, finally prying him off and leaning as far away as possible, sending him a disgusted look. “Actually, maybe Sang-hyuk would be better-”  
  
“Too late!” he cried out happily as he started the car, sending the other an overly sweet smile as he quickly drove off before Won-shik would have a chance to bolt.  
  
The drive back was mostly in silence, Won-shik pretending to be upset with his face nearly pressed against the window, lower lip stuck out childishly. But Jae-hwan knew him well, knew him probably better than anyone else, and knew that he was actually very happy. He knew the real reason his friend went to him first for a place to stay over his own family, knew that he probably hadn’t even told them he was coming back to Korea, let alone already arrived. Regardless, Jae-hwan was happy just to have Won-shik back in Korea, but that wasn’t important.  
  
“I’m sorry it’s such a mess,” he called out as he drug Won-shik’s suitcase inside, flicking off his shoes and joining Won-shik in the living room. He followed his friend’s eyes to see him staring at a pile of clothes on the floor and his cheeks flushed. He flew over and hurriedly gathered all the clothes in his arms, running to his room and quickly throwing them inside. “I would have cleaned if I knew you were going to move in.”  
  
“Hyung,” Won-shik said slowly, staring at him strangely. “I don’t care if your place is a mess. I’ve never cared.”  
  
“I know,” he said hurriedly, kicking an empty bag of leftovers to the side with his foot, “but you weren’t _living_ with me then.”  
  
“Whatever,” he laughed back, throwing his backpack onto the couch. “But really, thanks for letting me stay here.”  
  
“It’s no problem. But whenever you’re hungry just let me know and I’ll cook us something.”  
  
“You cook?” Won-shik asked in mock surprise, and he glared.  
  
“I _do_ , thank you very much.” He reached over and knocked playfully on the other’s forehead. “I cook very well.”  
  
“Yes, that’s why there’re so many bags of takeout on the floor.”  
  
“Hey! You shouldn’t speak like that to a hyung!”  
  
“Then you should act like a hyung!”  
  
“Whatever,” Jae-hwan sniffed, shooting to his feet and turning his nose up to the ceiling. “I’m not going to sit here and let you insult me. I’m going to go make dinner, and I’m not going to make _any_ for you.” He turned on his heel and headed into the kitchen, faintly hearing Won-shik’s blaring laugh behind him.  
  
He was in the middle of cleaning a cracked egg off the counter, something he definitely meant to do on purpose, when Won-shik came into the room, a bag in hand. “Hey hyung, what is- oh wow, you really can’t cook can you?”  
  
“I meant to do this!” he cried out defensively, quickly wiping away the last of the egg.  
  
“Right…” he trailed off before shoving the small bag in his face, shaking it for good measure. “I found this in the guest bedroom. Do you have a girlfriend I should know about? Or-”  
  
“Girlfriend?” he asked, laughing at the notion as he peeked into the bag, his flour covered hands raised high in the air so as not to dirty whatever was inside. He snorted as he shook his head. “No, that’s make-up for Saet-byul. She got a job recently and I’ve been meaning to give that to her. Keep forgetting.”  
  
“Saet-byul?” he asked, a look of surprise on his face. “You still talk to her?”  
  
“Yeah. You should go see her. She’s gotten better recently. Finished high school and got a job.” He went back to cooking, dumping another heap of flour into the bowl. He was sure this was how you made onion pancakes. Won-shik raised an eyebrow at the bowl, taking a step back.  
  
“Really...does Sang-hyuk still hang all over her?”  
  
“Oh my god, he’s so in love it hurts. He won’t confess though. She’s still too hung up on that N guy.”  
  
Won-shik grimaced at that, his shoulders slumping as he sighed.  
  
“I was hoping she’d have gotten over that by now. It’s been how many years now?”  
  
“Five. I keep telling him to confess before someone else does, but he’s determined to wait until she comes to him. He’s so hopeless.”  
  
Won-shik set the bag on the floor as he took a seat at the table, his chin leaning on his palm as he watched Jae-hwan struggle. “Well, they were attached at the hip and she was almost weirdly obsessed with him. I honestly don’t think she knows how to love anyone else.”  
  
Jae-hwan nodded his head sadly, running a hand through his hair and immediately regretting it when he remembered his hands were covered in flour. Won-shik broke out laughing as Jae-hwan ran to the sink to rinse out his hair, a string of censored curses flying out of his mouth. He glared at how loudly the other laughed, his hair dripping wet as it stuck to his face.  
  
“Stop laughing!”  
  
  
He waited anxiously as Won-shik took the first bite, the other purposefully keeping his face straight as he chewed slowly, his face betraying no expression as he carefully took a sip of water. Jae-hwan painstakingly followed each of his movements, leaning closer and closer until Won-shik burst out laughing.  
  
“It’s good hyung, calm down.”  
  
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” he wailed, pouting as he fell back in his chair, making sure the other could see just how upset he was as he shoved a whole piece of the pancake in his mouth. Won-shik stifled his laughter when he saw that he was genuinely upset, reaching across the table as he pat his hand.  
  
“It really is good hyung. Your cooking improved.”  
  
“Really?” he asked excitedly, his face brightening-  
  
“Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t burn the house down this time.”  
  
 _“That was one time!”_  
  
Won-shik was laughing again, and while Jae-hwan hated that his dongsaeng was so easily teasing him, he couldn’t help but be proud. It had taken a long time for Won-shik to get to this point, remembering how broody and upset the younger had been during school, the other coming so close to dropping out. He had been the only one that managed to get underneath the prickly walls that he had put up around himself, and in return he was the only one that was able to see the real Kim Won-shik.  
  
“Are you going to call home?” he asked after a bout of silence, the other immediately stiffening.  
  
“No,” he said after a long minute, his face suddenly tighter as he kept his eyes firmly on his plate.  
  
“You should at least call, let them know you’re back in Korea. They’d be worried-”  
  
“You know they’re not worried,” Won-shik cut him off, no trace of the playfulness from earlier on his face. “None of them give a shit if I’m here or over in America. They wouldn’t even give a shit if I died-”  
  
“You know they damn well would.“ He couldn’t help but get just as worked up when Won-shik started talking like this, talking as if no one would care if he died. It was talk like this that infuriated him; his hand around his chopsticks tightening. “They are your family, and while you might not get along now, you know they would be grieved if you died, just like you would be grieved if any of them did. You have a family, they love you, you shouldn’t throw something like that away so easily.”  
  
He could tell Won-shik wasn’t happy, though he hesitated from retorting. “You wouldn’t understand,” he muttered, and that was the breaking point. He slammed his chopsticks on the table as he stood up, Won-shik immediately looking guilty. “Hyung, I didn’t mean-”  
  
“Don’t worry about cleaning up,” Jae-hwan said evenly, fighting to keep his lower lip from trembling, “I’ll get to it later.”  
  
“Hyung-”  
  
He had to get out of there, he couldn’t let his dongsaeng see him. He hurried to his room, slamming the door shut as he buried himself in his blankets. Feeling secure with a wall against the world, Jae-hwan dropped his sunny facade as he broke down in deeply suppressed tears.  
  
He must have fallen asleep, the room pitch dark when the sound of a small _“hyung?”_ echoed in the room as the door squeaked open. He shifted, rolling over to see Won-shik sheepishly peek his head in the room, wincing when he saw Jae-hwan was awake. The younger boy awkwardly shut the door behind him, the moon peeking throwing the window to illuminate Won-shik’s guilty face. “Hyung….” he muttered, his head bowed.  
  
Jae-hwan was never able to stay mad for long.  
  
Without saying a word, he lifted up the blanket invitingly, and a large grin grew on Won-shik’s lips as he crawled in bed with him, the two of them giggling as they wrapped the blanket around them tightly. As they shifted to get comfortable, they remembered the numerous times they had done this back at the orphanage, Jae-hwan secretly sneaking his dongsaeng in the room he shared with others. It had been the time they had been most free, the happiest, and those feelings weren’t lost as they huddled close together now. It was times like these where they could forget Won-shik’s family problems, Jae-hwan’s loneliness -everything.  
  
Won-shik rolled over until his face was only inches from his own, the guilty look still on his face. “I’m sorry hyung,” he said quietly, eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean it.”  
  
“You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean,” he teased, though reached out and ruffled his hair when he saw how upset the other was. “And you know I don’t mind.”  
  
“I just really hate them hyung. I don’t want to go back. I would rather stay with you.”  
  
He smiled, touched. “While I would love to live with my Wonnie forever and ever, you shouldn’t give up on your family. Even if it’s only every once and a while, you should go back and see them. At least let them know you’re back.”  
  
“If I at least call, will that make you feel better?”  
  
Yes, yes it would. It would make him even happier if he went home, even if that broke his heart and left him alone. “Yes,” he said simply.  
  
 _But please don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone._  
  
“Then I’ll call. Just to tell them I’m back. I’m still going to stay here.”  
  
Jae-hwan made a big show about how much work it’d be to take care of him along with himself, how his dongsaeng should be so very grateful that he had such a kind and caring hyung like himself. But Won-shik knew Jae-hwan as well as Jae-hwan knew Won-shik, and knew that he was the one who was extremely grateful.  
  
 _Thank you, for staying by my side.  
  
Thank you, for not leaving me alone._  
  
\--  
  
"Did you make sure to eat? What about coffee? It's cold out, you should drink something warm." Sang-hyuk chuckled at Saet-byul's rattling as they walked down the street, the constant lull of the city a warming background. It wasn't a particularly cold day, the air crisp as a light snow fell, the snowflakes catching in their hair and glistening through the overcast sun. He glanced over to see Saet-byul pouting at him supposedly ignoring her, the morning sun softly lighting her features, her cheeks flushed a soft red from the cold and eyes bright from the sun. She noticed him staring and grinned, holding out the coffee cup in her hand.  
  
"I knew you would forget, so I got you this." He hesitated taking it and her nose wrinkled, tsking him playfully before reaching over and taking his hands, forcibly opening his fingers and placing the cup in them. "I bought this, so it won't taste as bad as mine."  
  
His own cheeks flushed at being found out, hurriedly trying to make up excuses. "No, I-"  
  
"Taek-woon oppa told me. He said it tastes gross, so I have to work on it." She glared at him for a short second before laughing. "You should have just told me. I thought I was doing so well."  
  
He hung his head in shame. "Sorry."  
  
She snickered but didn't say anything, and they walked in comfortable silence before she sighed happily. "I'm proud of you Hyukkie. You are amazing, getting into university."  
  
He beamed under her praise, scratching the back of his head embarrassedly while smiling goofily. "Thanks. I just wish you could go too."  
  
At that, her smile fell slightly, her eyes going downcast as she fought to keep her cherry demeanor. His lips pursed at this, knowing there was something she was keeping from him, always growing quiet and upset whenever university or home was mentioned. He knew she tried to keep things about herself a secret, and he wished that she would trust him more to be more open. "You know we don't have enough money to afford university, and I'm not as smart as you to get scholarships."  
  
"Don't think like that," he said gently, poking her in the forehead with a laugh. "Remember when we first met and you didn't take notes because you couldn't read the board? You've gotten a lot smarter and you graduated high school all on your own. You could definitely make it into university." She stopped to stare at him with a pout at the mention, and he chuckled as he reached out to ruffle her hair. He stopped last second, remembering how she didn't like to be touched, awkwardly stuffing his hand back in his pocket and taking a quick sip of his coffee.  
  
He flinched when she reached out and pulled his hand out of his pocket, biting her lip before shakily setting it on top of her head. He stared in muted shock as she went through the motion of patting her head, after a couple seconds letting go as if burned.  
  
He held his hand out right where she left it, still trying to wrap his head around what just happened, when she buried her face in her scarf in mortification. "S-Saet-byul-"  
  
"You always stop," she said quietly, her voice muffled by her scarf. "I know I shouldn't be afraid to touch people, and wanted to try with you because you're Hyukkie and....and..." her voice trailed off as she quickly looked away from him, blowing on her hands and trying to distract herself from the way he was staring at her. He eventually snapped out of his stupor, his mouth shaking as he tried to figure out what to say.  
  
"You want to try...touching people?" he asked, and she nodded shyly. He felt his stomach flip in a sudden burst of nervousness, gasping and biting his lip from shouting out. "W-what about with Jae-hwan hyung? He's always trying to help."  
  
"Jae-hwan is Jae-hwan. I want to try with you first."  
  
He was suddenly thankful that the crisp wind had already reddened his face, effectively hiding how his cheeks must be burning at the moment. He coughed to try and cover how happy he was, the words _try with you first_ ringing over and over in his head. He could see how she was watching him, waiting for him to say something, and he cleared his throat, standing a bit straighter and looking down at her over his nose.  
  
"I-I will gladly help."  
  
Her whole face brightened. "Really? Thank you! Ji-hyun told me that friends hold hands in the winter, let's try!" Before he had a chance to protest, she yanked his glove off and pressed her bare hand into his. He was acutely aware of the feeling of her fingers clenching onto his own, and he couldn't stop from staring at their interlocked hands.  
  
She noticed him staring and misunderstood, yanking her hand away as if burned. "I'm sorry! Ji-hyun likes to play tricks on me sometimes, I'm sorry if I offended you or-"  
  
"No!" he shouted hurriedly, taking her hand back and intertwining their fingers. "It's fine! I was just surprised."  
  
She hesitated before nodding, glancing at their hands one last time before a wave of alarm rushed over her face. "We should hurry or you'll be late to your first class!"  
  
She insisted on running the rest of the way to his class, afraid that she had made him late to his first day of classes. It wasn't until they passed through the school gates and stood in front of the university doors that she realized they still had plenty of time, her sighing in relief. She was still holding his hand. He laughed at how cute she was, this time ruffling her hair without hesitation. He noticed she flinched slightly before standing resolutely and letting him.  
  
She'll get better at it.  
  
"Sang-hyuk," she said tentatively, and he immediately tensed when she used his full name. She never did that. "N...N came back."  
  
He felt his whole world crash down, watching as a sweet smile grew on her lips and her eyes held a faraway look. She didn't seem to notice his horrified expression, continuing on happily. "He came to see me at work, to surprise me. He told me he's going to come back, he won't leave again!" She laughed excitedly, looking to see him match her excitement and pausing when he didn't. "Hyukkie?"  
  
"I...why? Why did he come back now?"  
  
She paused in thought. "I'm not sure. Taek-woon oppa brought him so there might have been some reason why he couldn't on his own. He told me he was sorry he left, and that he would never do it again!" Her fingers in his hand twitched, and he swallowed heavily. "He was very proud of how well I was doing, so I want to become even better for him! That's why I want to practice touching people, to show N how much better I-"  
  
She stopped when he abruptly jerked his hand away, stumbling back a few steps from her with hurt clear in his eyes. "Hyukkie?"  
  
"You mean...you held my hand and told me you want to practice with me first...that was all for him?"  
  
She stuttered as she tried to think of an answer, confusion in her eyes. Of course she would be confused. She never thought of anything when holding hands or locking their fingers together except for that bastard. Everything she did was for him. She took a step towards him and he moved back, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to collect himself.  
  
He shouldn't have gotten ahead of himself, shouldn't have assumed anything when dense Saet-byul suddenly offered to do skinship.  
  
He ignored her shouting his name as he gave her a small goodbye before running to class, not caring that he was over half an hour early. He wished that he could just forget about his feelings for her, to just be the friend she wanted and nothing more. Maybe one day he would, but it would probably only be after she destroyed his heart.


	11. Chapter 11 {interlude}

_She never regretted bringing Hak-_ _yeon_ _and Hong-bin into their home. She had noticed the way Taek-woon would smile whenever Hak-_ _yeon_ _wasn't looking, how her son was always so mindful to do little things for the other boy. It was so sweet, and there were times she wished time would stop so her son would be happy like this forever, forever enshrouded in the happy cocoon that he had finally allowed himself to be engulfed in._  
  
 _Taek-woon and Hak-_ _yeon_ _had been attached at the hip originally, one unable to be found without the other close behind. Neither Hak-_ _yeon_ _nor Hong-bin were able to go to school, the two having to be hospitalized the first time they tried going to such a crowded place, so they were only able to be together outside of then. It was so obvious on Taek-woon's face, his face so bright and happy when he came home and so saddened when he had to leave._  
  
 _They ate together, played together, studied together, slept together; Taek-woon clung onto Hak-_ _yeon_ _in a way she had never seen him hold onto anyone before, with such a fervor that she would have been terrified if she hadn't known Hak-_ _yeon_ _wouldn't leave._  
  
 _She should have been terrified._  
  
 _The two initially ignored Hong-bin, or more in the sense Taek-woon made sure to do things that would distract Hak-_ _yeon_ _from paying attention to Hong-bin. It was always easy to distract Hak-_ _yeon_ _, the boy at times not completely there as he would stare off into space with tears in his eyes. She never learned what really happened to Hak-_ _yeon_ _, never asked, and Taek-woon always made sure to stop her before she could mention anything. Whatever it was, Hak-_ _yeon_ _clung onto Taek-woon with the same intensity, always needing to make sure Taek-woon was okay and safe._  
  
 _Every time her son came from school, Hak-_ _yeon_ _would awaken from his self-induced stupor to run to his side, immediately running his hands over his face as if to make sure he was real._  
  
 _She tried, at times, to try and implement herself into their lives, uncomfortable with how close and how dependent they were becoming of each other. She convinced Hak-_ _yeon_ _to see a therapist, was unable to convince Hong-bin, made sure to ask how their days were and if they ever wanted anything. It never worked, she was too strong, too forward; it turned Hak-_ _yeon_ _off, who immediately clamped down and refused to tell her anything, only giving her curt answers that gave nothing away. Hong-bin grew scared of her and her constant questions, running and hiding behind Hak-_ _yeon_ _when she would come close._  
  
 _Yet she refused to turn them out of the house like her husband asked almost every night, knowing that despite Taek-woon's growing dependence on Hak-_ _yeon's_ _existence, he was changing._  
  
 _Hak-_ _yeon_ _was good for him._  
  
  
 _Hak-_ _yeon_ _, she noticed after a couple months, seemed to punish himself when Taek-woon wasn't home, as if there was no distraction to keep his mind away from things. She knew she was already on thin ice in their relationship and tried to stay as neutral as possible, watching as he would slowly break down, burying his head in his hands and cry. The one time she tried to comfort him he exploded, grabbing a nearby hairbrush and swinging at her, screaming not to touch him. She was startled, confused when he cried about a Seok-jin, and how it was all his fault and he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be comforted. It was only Hong-bin who was able to comfort him, the two hugging and muttering things that only they_ _would be able to understand._  
  
 _She didn't know who Seok-jin was, Hak-_ _yeon_ _would never speak of him otherwise, but she knew whoever he was, he was very important to him. On a certain winter day every year while Taek-woon was at school or out of the house, she would watch Hak-_ _yeon_ _, with a somber Hong-bin glued to his side, take a lone_ _candle out and place it on a table. Neither would say anything as he lit it, bowing once before sitting there, watching the small little flame flicker until the wick ran out and they were left with only a small wisp of smoke._  
  
 _She made the mistake of asking Hak-_ _yeon's_ _mother who Seok-jin was, felt her chest tighten painfully as she watched the other woman collapse to the floor, crying terribly._  
  
 _"My Seok-jin," she wailed shrilly, "that terrible woman killed my Seok-jin. She killed my Seok-jin in front of Hak-_ _yeon_ _, and my baby blames himself."_  
  
 _She watched Hak-_ _yeon_ _the next time during one of his stupors, how he would cry and whimper Seok-jin's name to himself. Sometimes, looking back, she wished she had comforted him anyway, regardless of the danger that he would lash out at her again. The regret in Hak-_ _yeon's_ _voice was almost palpable, the despair so visible on his face._  
  
 _She never told Taek-woon about these, knowing how worked up he would get if anything happened to Hak-_ _yeon_ _._  
  
 _After a while Hak-_ _yeon_ _refused to go his therapist, claiming it wasn't helping. Not even Taek-woon was able to convince him to go._  
  
  
 _It was after the first year passed that_ _things_ _started to change. On the anniversary of them coming into their home, Hak-_ _yeon_ _grew irritable, not even Taek-woon able to satiate him. They would still do everything together, but if the slightest thing went wrong, or something didn't go the way he wanted, it would set him off, and it took a while before he would calm down. It became something that surprisingly only Hong-bin could solve, only the presence of the young boy able to quickly stop his tantrums. As the months passed by, Hak-_ _yeon_ _grew more dependent on Hong-bin, looking to the younger boy whenever feeling upset or frustrated, just holding his hand enough._  
  
 _The dependence on Hong-bin was very gradual, nobody noticed it at first. Taek-woon least of all; he still clung onto Hak-_ _yeon_ _, fervently, desperately. She knew something was off at school, that there was a reason Taek-woon was so vehement on coming back home. But Taek-woon refused to tell her, and there was very little she could do. Hak-_ _yeon_ _would always be there for him, rubbing soothing circles in his back and kissing his head in ways that she wished she as a mother could do, but that she was denied of._  
  
 _It was strange, Hak-_ _yeon's_ _mothering of Taek-woon, watching a young man not much older than her own son treating said son with such tenderness. A tenderness he shouldn't possess._  
  
 _Taek-woon clung to that mothering, was desperate to be loved by Hak-_ _yeon_ _. He refused to believe anything was different when he started coming home to see Hak-_ _yeon_ _doing that same exact thing with Hong-bin, the younger boy smiling happily in Hak-_ _yeon's_ _arms. She wanted to hate Hak-_ _yeon_ _for that, for making her son so dependent on him and yet so easily moving to Hong-bin, but she knew she couldn't._  
  
 _Hak-_ _yeon_ _hadn't done anything wrong._  
  
 _However, as time went on, Hak-_ _yeon's_ _behavior started to change until he was the one that needed the mothering,_ _the one that needed comforting. Taek-woon initially didn't see the change, couldn't reciprocate_ _the same emotional solace that Hak-_ _yeon_ _desired. Hong-bin did, however, and Hak-_ _yeon_ _finally shifted entirely to Hong-bin, the two never apart as they held each other all day. Still Taek-woon refused to acknowledge anything, coming to Hak-_ _yeon_ _for the same comforting, until one day Hak-_ _yeon_ _exploded, and everything was different._  
  
  
 _She remembered the day clearly, remembered what she had been doing and where everyone had been and what happened that led up to it. She had been cooking dinner, working in the hot kitchen and looking through the doorway to see Taek-woon and Hak-_ _yeon_ _sitting together on the couch, Hak-_ _yeon_ _curled up in a ball and staring off while Taek-woon watched him fondly. She remembered how they had seemed so cute, that if one didn't know what happened it would seem so innocent._  
  
 _A new amusement park had opened just outside the city, and after a couple casual mentions to him, Taek-woon had asked her about taking Hak-_ _yeon_ _there_ _, to get him out of the house and try to get him working in a crowd again. She had been so excited about_ Taek-woon _proposing on his own to go somewhere public, to willingly go and do something that he would have run from originally, she had all but accepted it with open arms. For that day, she would turn a blind eye to him skipping school._  
  
 _Taek-woon had the tickets crumpled in his hands, nervously wondering how to bring it up to Hak-_ _yeon_ _. Hak-_ _yeon_ _was in one of his moods, it was hard to tell what he was thinking or feeling and one had to tread lightly to figure out what it was. Biting his lip, Taek-woon stuttered, "H-Hak-_ _yeon_ _?"_  
  
 _Hak-_ _yeon_ _turned to look at him, a smile on his lips. A good sign. "Yes Taek-woonie?"_  
  
 _Taek-woon hesitated; while he hadn't really noticed the change in Hak-_ _yeon_ _, he was slightly aware of it, now careful with his words, "I was thinking...would you like to go out tomorrow?"_  
  
 _"With Hong-bin?" Hak-_ _yeon_ _asked, and the smile on Taek-woon's lips twitched._  
  
 _"No, just the two of us. Like before." Hak-_ _yeon_ _was silent, and even she was listening carefully, pausing in her cooking. "I...a lot of people like amusement parks, and you could try going in a crowd or-"_  
  
 _"No." ­_  
  
 _She remembered how hurt Taek-woon looked, though he hid it behind a carefully crafted smile. "You don't have to worry about crowds, we can go during the week. No one goes then-"_  
  
 _"I don't want to go," Hak-_ _yeon_ _snapped, his voice growing low._  
  
 _Taek-woon looked back down at the crumpled tickets in his hands, the paper soft from how clammy his skin was. "I...I want to go with you-"_  
  
 _"I don't want to fucking go," Hak-_ _yeon_ _nearly shouted, eyes wild as he whirled on Taek-woon, his fingers gripping tightly onto the fabric of the couch. She panicked at the sight, throwing down her knife as she ran in._  
  
 _"Taek-woon," she hissed, running over and yanking Taek-woon away when Hak-_ _yeon_ _started to hyperventilate, his angry eyes following them as he gasped._  
  
 _"I hate the amusement park," Hak-_ _yeon_ _continued, his voice growing shriller and shriller. "I fucking_ hate _them and I don't want to go!" Hong-bin shot out from one of the rooms, wrapping his arms tightly around Hak-_ _yeon's_ _middle while_ _calling out his_ _name. Taek-woon clung tightly onto her sleeve, both wanting to comfort his friend but too afraid to._  
  
 _"_ He'll _be there! How can I go there when_ he's _there? How can I look at him, when I had wronged him so?" Hak-_ _yeon_ _was screaming by now, and her husband was_ _now_ _in the room. He shoved Hong-bin aside as he grabbed Hak-_ _yeon_ _in a vice-like hold, one arm wrapped around his chest and the other holding his arms together. Hak-_ _yeon_ _thrashed, screaming and crying but unable to do much else._  
  
 _"I shouldn't be here, I should have died. It should be him you take_ _to_ _the park, not me. Not me!"_  
  
 _"You didn't do anything wrong," she tried to reason, hoping to calm him down, though her voice only seemed to set him off more._  
  
 _"You don't know anything! None of you know! I'm tainted and broken, but he was so clean. He did nothing wrong. Why, why was it him?"_  
  
 _"Hak-_ _yeon_ _," Taek-woon tried, his voice quiet as he watched fearfully, and Hak-_ _yeon's_ _head snapped to him._  
  
 _"Get away, you're not him, you're not him!" Hak-_ _yeon_ _bit down on her husband's arm, his hold on the squirming boy loosening enough that he was able to wrench an arm away, grabbing the_ _TV_ _remote off the side table and throwing it at Taek-woon. She shrieked when it knocked Taek-woon in the head, her son wincing and falling backwards, and her husband growled angrily as he slapped Hak-_ _yeon_ _hard in the face._  
  
 _"Don't hit him!" she cried out as she knelt down to tend to Taek-woon, the other sitting motionlessly as he cupped his cheek._  
  
 _But it did the trick, Hak-_ _yeon_ _stilling as only little sobs escaped his lips, and her husband finally let him go. Everyone was absolutely still as they watched him, just waiting for him to do something. Hong-bin shifted, everyone's eyes turning to him, and they watched as he slowly crawled over to Hak-_ _yeon's_ _side, leaning forward as he hugged him. Hak-_ _yeon_ _let out a shaky breath before turning his head into the crook of Hong-bin's neck, shoulder's trembling._  
  
 _Eventually Hak-_ _yeon_ _calmed down enough, lifting his head enough to see Taek-woon in her arms, her son's hand still holding the cheek where the remote hit him. Hak-_ _yeon's_ _eyes widened, pulling away from Hong-bin._  
  
 _"Taek-woonie," he called out, his voice hoarse. "Taek-woonie, did I...did I hurt you?"_  
  
 _Taek-woon flinched in her arms, still unsure of what to do. Her husband's eyes narrowed, hurriedly motioning at her. "Get him out of here." She normally didn't like to be ordered like that, but she couldn't argue as she gathered Taek-woon up and pulled him away before he saw anymore, ignoring Hak-_ _yeon_ _crying out Taek-woon's name._  
  
  
 _Hurting Taek-woon was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she watched as Hak-_ _yeon_ _withdrew into himself completely. He seemed to give up entirely; no matter what she or anyone attempted they were unable to get even a reaction out of him. The only one who was able to even get him to move was Hong-bin, and even then they would only cuddle. It got worse when they developed the habit of hiding, squeezing themselves into corners and closets to hide away from them. They reacted violently when found, so the family learned not to disturb them._  
  
 _There were rare days when he would speak or act normally, appearing almost normal. There were traces of his listlessness; it took him longer to respond, longer to understand- they had to repeat things multiple times for him to comprehend._  
  
 _One night, she could hear Hak-_ _yeon_ _and Hong-bin talking in their room, Hak-_ _yeon's_ _surprisingly clear voice what stopped her._  
  
 _"Binnie," he said gently, Hong-bin in his lap, "can you promise hyung something?"_  
  
 _"Promise?" Hong-bin muttered, eyes fluttering as if falling asleep._  
  
 _"Promise hyung...promise hyung that you won't let Taek-woon find out about me. Don't let him find about the dolls."_  
  
 _Hong-bin blinked awake, tilting his head up to get a look at Hak-_ _yeon's_ _face, swallowing. "Lie?"_  
  
 _"If you have to. Taek-woon...he can never find out. I can never let him know. You'll help hyung, won't you?"_  
  
 _"Okay," Hong-bin promised quickly, picking gently at Hak-_ _yeon's_ _fingers wrapped around his waist. "I promise, Hak-_ _yeon_ _hyung."_  
  
 _"Good Binnie," Hak-_ _yeon_ _purred, kissing Hong-bin's head._  
  
 _She sighed to herself at the sight, wishing they would be more open, to realize that no matter what happened they would always be accepting. She was just about to turn away when she saw the door to Taek-woon's room close quietly, and she realized that Taek-woon had heard. She quickly ran to his room, opening the door in time to see him fling the blankets over himself and pull into a small ball. She fought to put a smile on her face as she went over and sat at the edge of his bed, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder._  
  
 _"Taek-woon ah," she started, but he cut her off._  
  
 _"I don't understand...why did Hak-_ _yeon_ _leave me? He doesn't tell me anything anymore..."_  
  
 _"You know there's a lot bothering him, it will take time for him to adjust. And you know he and Hong-bin share a connection because they went through the same thing. You have to accept that."_  
  
 _"But I want to be that person for Hak-yeon. I want to show that I can be understanding, but he doesn't believe me."_  
  
 _"Start slowly. You need to show him that you can be someone he can depend on. You have to be strong."_  
  
 _She jumped when Taek-woon suddenly sat up, his hair flying up and looking slightly ridiculous compared to the serious expression he gave her. "I've been thinking," he said. "They aren't doing well here. I've been thinking of moving out to be closer to my university, and I was thinking of taking them with me."_  
  
 _"What?" she nearly cried, pulling her hand away._  
  
 _His expression didn't change. "If I take care of them by myself, Hak-_ _yeon_ _will see that he can depend on me. He'll get better. I...I want him to get better.”_  
  
 _“It's not a good idea. Taking care of them is a huge responsibility, and it'll be difficult, knowing how they are. Leave them home, Mom will take care of them-"_  
  
 _"You know Dad doesn't like them, he only tolerates them because I'm here. If I leave, he'll make you send them away." She hesitated, knowing he was right. "I can get a big enough apartment that all three of us can live there. I'll find a job, something, to support us. It'll be okay."_  
  
 _"Taek-woon, it's crazy. Don't worry about your father, I'll make sure-"_  
  
 _"No," he said fiercely. "They can't leave me, I won't let them leave me like you did." She bit her lip, guilt coursing through her as she reached out and held his hand. He pulled away, keeping himself a safe distance._  
  
 _"Taek-woon ah..."_  
  
 _"Hak-_ _yeon_ _will stay with me. He'll always stay with me. I know he will."_  
  
 _She stared at him for the longest time, staring sadly at how grown up her son looked, wondering where all the time went. She still remembered the small boy who smiled despite his inherent aloofness, who was kind and caring and loved her deeply. That boy disappeared a long time ago, and her heart ached._ _With a bitter smile she nodded her head._  
  
 _"Alright...you can go. Just know your father and I are here to help. If you need anything-"_  
  
 _"I won't," he said abruptly, turning his eyes away._  
  
 _"W-well, just know we'll be here. If anything happens to the two, call me right away."_  
  
 _"Alright," he agreed, still looking away. She sighed as she leaned forward and pulled him into a tight hug, squeezing this man that was her son but seemed so far away at that moment. He didn't hug her back, but when she thinks back, she likes to pretend he did._  
  
 _And true to his word, Taek-woon moved out a month later, Hak-_ _yeon_ _and Hong-bin clinging to the back of his jacket as they stepped out of the house. Her husband had went to work, so it was only her that came to see them off. She kissed them all goodbye, she had to wrestle Hong-bin in order to kiss him on the cheek, and made sure to tell them to give her a call when they arrived at the apartment. She never did receive a call, but the text from Taek-woon that read a small 'I love you' was enough for her._  
  
  
 _So no, she never regretted bringing Hak-_ _yeon_ _and Hong-bin into their home. She just wished they didn't take Taek-woon with them when they did._


	12. Chapter 12

Hak-yeon was better; it both enthralled and terrified Taek-woon at how much Hak-yeon had changed since that one meeting with Saet-byul. He was in no way completely healed, he had a long way until then, but there were definite changes to his overall demeanor.

He hadn't noticed anything at first, hadn't suspected anything originally when Hak-yeon confidently walked by himself the way home after the meeting, refusing Taek-woon's hand and insisting on going on his own. He had just thought that seeing Saet-byul had affected him more than he had let on. He didn't think anything of it when he sat at the table the entire time Taek-woon cooked dinner, ignoring Hong-bin's attempts to hide away and forcing the younger boy to sit with him.

There was a small light in his eyes, a light that Taek-woon hadn't seen in years, a light that he had so dearly missed. He would look up and meet his gaze when Taek-woon spoke to him, despite each time his fingers shaking and his hold on Hong-bin tightening, his eyes would never waver. The changes had been so small, he was still unable to bathe or dress himself, so he hadn't noticed at first.

The significance of the changes hit him like a ton of bricks when he woke one morning to find that he had slept through his alarm, sitting up in alarm to find Hong-bin stirring uncomfortably next to him and his other side jarringly empty. He looked around frantically to find Hak-yeon missing; he pried Hong-bin's death grip off of him and climbed out of bed, ready to tear the house apart to find where Hak-yeon had disappeared to, when he heard the familiar sound of a pan scratching against the stovetop.

His brain refusing to believe what he was hearing, he hesitantly walked over to the door, making sure to not make a sound as peered around the corner. From the doorway he was able to get a clear view of the kitchen, and he felt his knees nearly give out under him when he saw Hak-yeon cooking.

Hak-yeon.

_Cooking._

His fingers gripped the door frame as he stood there silently, watching Hak-yeon glide around the kitchen as he worked, his face passive as he moved. He stared and stared, holding his breath as if afraid any sound would make the image in front of him disappear, to reveal this to be just a dream.

This...Hak-yeon doing anything on his own...had been a wish of his that he prayed for every day, to see his friend one day stand on his own two feet again. For him to wake up on his own and dress himself, to be able to cook himself food whenever he was hungry, to bathe himself without needing Taek-woon- to confidently show his skin without feeling ashamed of his scars. But as the years passed and his health only deteriorating, he had thought that wish would never come, that it would become just that- a wish. He had grown afraid that it would never happen, the revelation of what Hak-yeon truly was to Saet-byul hovering over him, terrifying him of what he could truly become.

But here Hak-yeon was, _cooking breakfast like none of that mattered._

His chest tightened and he fought a painful bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

Hak-yeon dropped a bowl he had been attempting to pull out of the cupboard, and Taek-woon found himself running over to help him before he could stop himself. Hak-yeon blinked owlishly as Taek-woon leaned over and picked up the bowl, holding it out for him. He didn't take it right away, staring at his outstretched hand incomprehensively before gingerly taking it. He smiled warmly, a flicker of affection crossing his features before they faded to the more distant look he always wore.

"Good morning Taek-woonie."

_You're cooking. When did you wake up? How are you feeling? Are you alright?_ Those thoughts raced through Taek-woon's mind in response to Hak-yeon's question, but he forced those thoughts away as he collected himself, determined to stay calm so as not to shatter this fractured, fragile dream. He swallowed heavily, keeping his face tight as he replied amiably, "Good morning."

Hak-yeon turned away from him as he finished cooking the eggs in the pan he had been scratching earlier, dumping them into the bowl in his hands. His motions were robotic but his own all the same, and Taek-woon watched him in arrested fascination. "I turned off your alarm. It was noisy."

He blinked in surprise, for a second his stoic facade slipping. "You heard my alarm?"

Hak-yeon turned off the stove and placed the eggs on the adjacent counter, looking everywhere but at him. "Yes. You have been tired lately. You should sleep more." Taek-woon didn't say anything, still in shock at Hak-yeon's response, and Hak-yeon continued. "You should eat before you head off to school." He threw a helping of rice and an egg onto a plate and shoved it into Taek-woon's hands, and he cleared his throat.

"I don't have class today." Hak-yeon froze, blinking and moving ever so slowly before gradually prying his hands off the plate.

"You should still eat. I will get Binnie." Taek-woon turned to watch Hak-yeon robotically walk back to the bedroom, his soft voice wafting out in a faint whisper. It was a couple minutes before he emerged with a sleepy Hong-bin behind him, the younger boy rubbing his eye as the older boy led him out by the hand. Hak-yeon didn't say anything as he passed him by, his focus on Hong-bin alone as he tenderly put the younger's breakfast together, running a hand through his hair as they sat down at the table. It was only when they both turned to stare at him that he quickly ran over and sat with them.

"Hyung cooked?" Hong-bin asked after he had properly woken up, sniffling as he opened his mouth for Hak-yeon to feed him.

"Mm," Hak-yeon replied, reaching over and scrubbing Hong-bin's cheek affectionately. "So make sure you eat everything."

"Okay," Hong-bin shouted happily, smiling brightly which Hak-yeon matched.

Taek-woon watched this exchange silently, his chopsticks frozen halfway to his lips and his bottom lip shaking. The bubbling in the pit of his stomach grew steadily, each second agonizingly longer than the last.

If Hak-yeon was getting better, where would that leave him?

\--

"My babies," Taek-woon's mother cooed as she stepped into the apartment, seemingly unbothered when Hak-yeon and Hong-bin instinctively shrunk back at the sight of her. She reached over and pulled Taek-woon into a hug, her smile sad when he only greeted her accordingly, not returning her embrace. She laughed as she sat down on the armchair in the main room, turning to the two huddled on the loveseat across from her. "How is everything here?"

Taek-woon thought about telling her of Hak-yeon's fits that had all but disappeared at this point, of how he was suddenly getting better, of how they had actually left the apartment- but felt the words fall short of leaving his mouth. The two had never truly gotten along with his mother, always keeping their distance from her. He, in turn, tended to keep things that dealt with them a secret as well, afraid that telling her anything they didn't want her to know would be betraying the small trust they had grown to place in him.

He cleared his throat, taking her attention away from them. "It's fine."

"I'm glad," she said, not unaware of the fact he wasn't telling her everything. "You know that you all are welcome to visit at any time. Our doors are always open."

"I'm sorry, I've been so busy I haven't had time to come."

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "You don't have to be so formal with your own mother, Taek-woon ah." She stole a glance at the two who were trying to make themselves as small as possible, their eyes flitting to Taek-woon every so often. "You shouldn't have to hold such responsibilities like this on your own. You're too young."

"I don't find it cumbersome."

"I know," she said knowingly, leaning over and patting his hand lovingly. "It's just I can see the toll it's taking on you." He bowed his head, unable to say anything against what he knew to be true, and she sighed again, pulling away.

"But I didn't come here to scold you. Hak-yeon," the older boy jumped at the mention of his name, pulling away from Hong-bin enough to look at her, "there's something I want to ask you. Would you be alright with that?"

Hak-yeon didn't move for the longest time, the nod he finally gave so small it was almost missed.

His mother grabbed her large bag and pulled out her computer, opening it up and turning it to show them a camera opened on the screen. The two pulled away from each other as they leaned in, eyes curious. "Taek-woon said you were okay with seeing your mother as long as you were not in the same room as her. I thought of the idea of bringing her here through a webcam, so you would be able to see her and talk with her without being in the same room. But if you can't-"

"I...can see her?" he asked, his voice shaking as tears already filled his eyes. His mother paused, surprised that he had spoken to her, but quickly regained her composure.

"Yes. I told her about this already and we were just waiting to see what you thought. Is it something you want to try?"

"Yes," Hak-yeon answered, pulling away from the camera to stare at his mother imploringly, his chin trembling. "Yes, please. Please. M-my mother...my mother."

His mother stared at Hak-yeon with a mixture of pity and affection, pulling the computer back to face her. "I'll let her know you agreed. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear it."

The room was absolutely silent as they watched his mother type away on the keyboard, nobody daring to move an inch as they waited. Taek-woon glanced over to see Hak-yeon focused on the computer, his eyes wide and alert. His hands were gripping Hong-bin's hands so tightly they both turned white. After what seemed like an eternity, his mother looked up at the group of them, a small smile on her lips.

"Are you ready to hear your mother's voice?" she asked, and Hak-yeon was so wound up at that point that all he could do was nod. His mother clicked a few more buttons before she turned the computer back around, propping it carefully on her lap as the screen faded from black to show the face of a woman. It took a few seconds for the screen to load, the woman staring confusedly before a hand flew to her mouth, soft sobs echoing in the speakers as she chortled out a small gasp.

"Hak-yeon..."

"M-mom?" Hak-yeon whimpered out, his voice trembling so much that he sounded like a small child. The woman nodded her head, crying outright as she reached out and stroked the screen.

"My baby, my baby Hak-yeon...oh my baby." Hak-yeon slowly peeled his hands away from Hong-bin, haltingly moving off the couch and crawling over to the computer, raising shaking hands to the screen, attempting to place them over the woman's.

"Mom..." he cried, tears running down his cheeks, "Mom, I'm here. I'm here."

"Look at you," she whispered, her voice full of love and affection, "you've grown up so well. You've grown so handsome."

"Hey," he managed to mumble out, a hint of a smile growing on his lips, "it's because I had such a beautiful mom that I look like this." That managed to get a small laugh from her, her fingers still stroking the screen as she sniffled.

"My baby...Seok-jin would have been proud of you." Taek-woon frowned at the name, never having heard it before, and watched as Hak-yeon nearly broke down right there, pulling his hands away as he buried his face in them. He noticed Hong-bin also grew somber, crawling down next to Hak-yeon and holding onto him tightly, pushing his face into the other's side. The woman saw Hak-yeon's reaction and panicked, leaning her face closer as if it would bring her closer to Hak-yeon, her eyes filled with worry.

"Hak-yeon ah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned Seok-jin. I'm sorry. It's okay, everything's okay." Hak-yeon's shoulders heaved as an ugly sob rang out, and Taek-woon realized that 'Seok-jin' must have been Hak-yeon's brother that had died. As he watched the two in front of him, he suddenly had the feeling that he was intruding, and wished that he had left before this.

After a long moment, Hak-yeon lifted his head up, eyes red and cheeks puffy, his lips trembling as he fought to smile. "Seok-jin...Seok-jinnie should be here. I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault," she said gently, and Hak-yeon looked close to breaking down again. "Don't blame yourself Hak-yeon ah. Seok-jin wouldn't want that."

"I'm sorry..." he only muttered again, strangely flinching away when Hong-bin tried burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Hak-yeon's mother seemed to realize his mood was worsening, slapping on a bright smile as she waved her hand at the screen. "I've brought someone to see you, would you like to see him?" She shifted away from the screen as loud shuffling blared through the speakers, the camera shifting around until it finally rested on that of a young man, a large smile on his face as he waved.

"Hey Cha Hak-yeon!" he called out, and that was enough to grab Hak-yeon's attention again, the older boy's head snapping up at the sound of the man's voice.

"M-Min-hyukkie?"

The man grinned even wider when Hak-yeon called out his name, reaching behind him and grabbing Hak-yeon's mother back into the screen. He waved brightly at them, wrapping an arm around her neck casually. "How are you doing over there? You're not being too much of a nag are you?"

A small chuckle escaped Hak-yeon's lips, and Taek-woon watched in fascination at how happy Hak-yeon appeared to be. This was something, he admitted bitterly to himself, that he would never be able to do; he would never be able to make Hak-yeon smile the way he was now. He couldn't remember the last time Hak-yeon had laughed.

Hong-bin shifted next to him and Hak-yeon pat his hand lovingly. "I'm doing fine."

Taek-woon noticed the small drop in Min-hyuk's smile at Hak-yeon's monotone voice, knowing that Hak-yeon's change would come as a shock to anyone. However, the other man hid it well, laughing as if nothing was wrong. "You must be fine if they're letting you stay there for that long. I probably would've kicked you out years ago." Again Hak-yeon laughed, and again Taek-woon felt a pang of jealousy.

"Min-hyuk...my mother-"

"Don't worry," Min-hyuk said gently, looking over at Hak-yeon's mother and hugging her softly. "I'm taking care of her. We all are."

"Thank you...thank you so much Min-hyukkie..."

"Don't worry about me, Hak-yeon ah," Hak-yeon's mother cut in, leaning closer to the screen, smiling serenely. "You just take care of yourself, alright? Make sure you eat all your meals and sleep well, okay?" Hak-yeon nodded wordlessly, and neither moved for the longest time, staring silently at each other in a way only a mother and son could. Eventually Hong-bin grew restless, whimpering quietly as he moved back over to Hak-yeon's side, lifting Hak-yeon's arm and wrapping it around him. Hak-yeon's mother noticed.

"Is this little Hong-binnie?" she asked sweetly, both her and Min-hyuk jumping when Hong-bin turned a glare towards them, his hands on Hak-yeon's arm tightening.

"You made Hak-yeon hyung cry."

Hak-yeon turned into full panic mode, twisting around to pull Hong-bin away from the screen, cupping his face in his hands as he whispered something softly to him. Hak-yeon's mother panicked when he suddenly disappeared from the screen, shouting for him and tapping on the screen as if it would bring him back. Hak-yeon panicked again at her shouts, yanking away from Hong-bin to move back in front of the camera, a shaky smile on his lips as he reassured her he was still there.

"I'm sorry," she started when everyone had calmed down, "I didn't mean to upset him-"

"It's okay," Hak-yeon reassured, pulling the indignant Hong-bin back to his side and running his hand through his hair tenderly. His mother's eyes were locked on his hand but she didn't say anything. "Say hello Binnie."

Hong-bin glanced up from Hak-yeon's warm embrace to the seemingly grim faces of Min-hyuk and Hak-yeon's mother, suddenly timid to the way they stared at them. He eventually managed a small hello, which brought the smile back on her face.

"Hello," she returned, and Hong-bin hid his face. She chuckled, looking up as if searching for something. "Where is Taek-woon? Is he here too?" He stiffened in his chair, having been so engrossed watching the two that he was surprised when Hak-yeon turned to him with the happiest smile he'd ever seen from him and reached over to pull him down. He managed to school his shocked expression when he found himself before the staring eyes of Min-hyuk and Hak-yeon's mother, and he coughed nervously.

"This is Taek-woon," Hak-yeon continued, his voice having a lilt to it as he reached over and pat Taek-woon on the shoulder. For the longest time neither said anything, and he saw with horrifying clarity that Min-hyuk was actually scrutinizing him. Hong-bin, realizing that at this point Hak-yeon was a traitor, wiggled himself away and came over to Taek-woon's side instead. Min-hyuk frowned, his eyes narrowing, but Hak-yeon's mother plastered a smile on her face, bowing slightly.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, "thank you so much for taking care of my Hak-yeon."

"I-it's nothing."

"If there's anything you need, or anything you need help with, please don't hesitate to ask me." He nodded, glancing back over to the silent Min-hyuk to see him glaring at him. He blinked, taken aback as he wondered what he could have done to gather so much disdain from the other, when his own mother cleared her throat, only he and Hong-bin looking up at her. Hak-yeon was too engrossed with the computer to move.

"Let's let Hak-yeon have some time to talk with his mother alone," she hissed, lifting the computer off her lap and placing it in Hak-yeon's hands. Hak-yeon didn't even flinch, his fingers immediately clamping over the screen. Taek-woon stood up and forced Hong-bin to as well, Hong-bin only whining for a minute before he dutifully followed Taek-woon out.

As he went into the kitchen, he could hear Hak-yeon's voice whisper softly, the forced bravado he had earlier gone as he all but cried out, "Mom...I miss you. I really miss you..."

\--

His mother. His beautiful mother that he thought he would never see again- she was just the same as she was all those years ago and it made his heart swell. He had resigned himself long ago to forget any chance he would have to see her again, had resigned himself that one day he would forget what she looked like or the sound of her voice. He was forever thankful that Min-hyuk and his friends were taking care of her, thankful that his friend that never knew why he vanished had taken it upon himself to watch his mother.

He didn't realize how much he missed just hearing their voices, how just seeing their faces on a screen was enough to reduce him to tears. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to tell Taek-woon's mother how much this meant to him, he hoped she understood. It hurt when they eventually ended the call; as much as he loved every second he was able to see his mother and speak freely with her, he could feel his chest tightening and a voice in the back of his mind urging him to run away.

It wasn't nearly as terrible or painful as the time he nearly ran into Min-hyuk back in the amusement park all those years ago, or when he spoke with his mother in the hospital, but he didn't know if he would be able to do it again.

By the time Min-hyuk ended the call, saying that his mother had to take her medicine and get to bed, to which he panicked wondering what she would need medicine for, it was already well into the night. He didn't move for the longest time, just staring at the dark computer screen as if his mother's face might appear one more time. Eventually he placed the computer down by his side as he stood up, seeing a light coming from the closed kitchen door. He headed over, guilt eating at him wondering if his Taek-woonie had waited for him this entire time, but paused when he heard Taek-woon's mother speak.

"Taek-woon," she said in a hushed voice, "this isn't good for you."

He peeked through the crack in the doorway to see Taek-woon sitting at the table across from his mother, Binnie cradled in his arms asleep. He noted how Taek-woon absentmindedly ran his hand through Binnie's hair. "It's fine. They're not causing me any trouble."

He knew that was a lie, had seen the way Taek-woon had stared at him after his fits to see how lost he looked.

He _knew._

"Look at you, you're twenty-two years old and you're watching over two grown men who should really be having a professional take care of them. Hong-bin needs help-"

"You know they can't stand being with anyone they don't know." He inwardly hung his head, his body not listening to him, wishing that he wasn't such a burden to his Taek-woonie. He was the older one, he should be taking care of _him._ He never cursed the doll and his life as much as he did then. "They trust me, and I don't want to betray that trust."

"At least have someone help you. It can't be good for you to be doing this on your own." She tried to reach over to grab his hand but he flinched, his hands on Binnie twisting away.

"Be careful. Hong-bin doesn't like to be touched."

"This is what I mean," she said exasperatedly, a hint of desperation in her voice. "I saw you back there. All you did was watch them as if they were children. You shouldn't be like this. You have your whole life ahead of you, you shouldn't be carrying such burdens on your own."

"I can do it," Taek-woon insisted, and Hak-yeon felt tears at the edges of his eyes. His Taek-woonie was so strong, so so strong- but his mother was right. He and Binnie were not normal, and they were definitely not something that Taek-woon should have to take care of alone. It hurt every time Taek-woon insisted he was fine, that nothing was wrong. "Hak-yeon...he can get better." Hak-yeon let out a shaky breath, wondering at how he was able to have someone as pure and sweet as Taek-woon willingly take care of him.

"Taek-woon-"

_"Don't take them away!"_ Taek-woon suddenly shouted, the first time Hak-yeon could ever remember Taek-woon raising his voice, and both he and his mother jumped at the sound. Hong-bin whimpered at the shout, twisting in Taek-woon's arms and the older swallowing heavily as he quietly soothed him. He took a few minutes to recollect himself, his mother biting her lip as if afraid anything she did would set him off. "I...please don't take them from me..."

"Taek-woon-"

"I...I don't want to be alone again." Hak-yeon lurched forward, face pressed against the crack in the door at the sight of _tears_ on Taek-woon's cheeks, the other boy silently crying. His mother noticed too, grabbing a handful of tissues out of her bag and shoving them at him, though Taek-woon made no move to take them. "They're the only ones who've stayed with me," he whimpered, his voice so broken and small compared to the calm, patient Taek-woon who always stood by his side. Hak-yeon felt his heart clench, memories of the timid, shy, and bullied Taek-woon from high school sharply running through his mind.

Everything in his life might be blurry and unfocused now, but his Taek-woon shone brightly and clearly in the center of it.

He couldn't stand the sight of that bright Taek-woon dulled and crying.

"So please...let me take care of them. I-" He was cut off when Binnie twisted in his lap, blearily looking around before realizing he was in Taek-woon's arms. He sniffed tiredly before whimpering as he leaned back into Taek-woon's chest, but it seemed Taek-woon had enough talking, shaking him gently. "You need to go to bed," he said quietly.

Binnie shook his head. "Hak-yeon hyung. Want hyung."

"Hak-yeon is still busy. You should go change and wait for him there." Hak-yeon noticed the way Taek-woon spoke with Binnie, his voice softer. It had started after Taek-woon found out about the dolls, and he wondered if it was pity that spurred that difference. He then wondered if that same pity was directed to him.

He blinked when the door swung open to reveal Taek-woon and Binnie, Binnie's face brightening as he broke away and jumped into his arms. He instinctively pulled the younger boy into his arms, aware of the two eyes staring at him. He glanced up to see if Taek-woon would say anything, in the end the other merely sighing as he herded them off to bed.

After Binnie was changed and bundled in the blankets, Taek-woon held his wrist with an unreadable expression on his face. "Hak-yeon...I want to ask you something." He tried to nod but it was so small he wasn't sure they other could tell. It didn't seem to deter him though, tugging him a small ways away from Binnie.

He could see how Taek-woon bit the bottom of his lip in worry, the way his brow furrowed in thought; he gently reached up and smoothed out the creases in his forehead. That seemed to snap him out of whatever was bothering him, stuttering out a small, "Hak-yeon...I...do you want to meet Saet-byul again?"

He froze, images of Saet-byul and her badly hidden bruises and cuts flashing through his mind. His silence was taken the wrong way, Taek-woon quickly backtracking, "If you don't want to, I'll let her know. I just thought you were getting better since then and would want to meet again."

He stared confusedly, wondering what could possibly have changed that Taek-woon would have thought him to be getting better. He felt no better than he did before, no better than he had before seeing Saet-byul. But the thought of seeing Saet-byul again stopped him, remembering how hard she had tried to hide how hurt she was and how she shook at even the mere mention. He wanted to find out who was hurting her, to break that person apart until there was nothing left.

That, and the idea that if he really was getting better it would help lessen the burden he had on his Taek-woonie.

He finally gave a small nod that had Taek-woon sighing. "I'll let her know." Taek-woon moved to leave but he grabbed his wrist this time, forcing his head up to look him in the eye.

"Taek-woonie," he said softly, "Binnie and I...we're really not burdens to you, are we?" Taek-woon paused for just a second before he stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, and he found himself easily melting into his embrace.

"No you're not, and please don't ever think you are."


	13. Chapter 13

Taek-woon had been so preoccupied with thoughts of Hak-yeon and the other's worries of being a burden that he had completely forgotten about going a different route to his classes. It wasn't until he felt two pairs of hands clamp down painfully on his arms that he snapped out of his stupor, though he wasn't quick enough as he felt himself dragged away. They didn't go far before the hands loosened and he was allowed to stand on his own two feet again, yanking his arms back and turning to glare back at his captors. He immediately recognized Baek-hyun, though he had no idea who the other was. Baek-hyun caught his glare and glared back with a look filled with annoyance, a sneer on his lips.  
  
"Don't give me that. You're too heavy to drag around and I'm not about to carry you." He didn't wait for him to respond, motioning with his head to follow and walking off, only to realize belatedly that neither of them were following him, and he sent them a scathing glare. "I'm not going to repeat myself!"  
  
At that, the other guy nudged him in the back, and he reluctantly started to follow the shorter male. They walked for what seemed like forever, and the guy decided to start talking to fill the silence.  
  
"Sorry about this," he said with very little sincerity in his voice. "We weren't originally intending to kidnap you." He didn't respond, staring straight ahead, and the other got the message and stopped talking.  
  
Eventually a small antique shop came into view, the place located in a rather closed off area of Seoul where there were mostly little shops in the forefront with scaling skyscrapers behind. The boxed in feel gave the area a nostalgic aura, and the light coating of snow over the place made it seem almost surreal. A man stood outside the building sweeping away the dusting of snow in front of the door, glancing up in time to catch a flailing Baek-hyun who jumped gracefully into his arms.  
  
"Baek-hyun? What are you doing back so early?" he asked in surprise, the bright smile on his lips vanishing the moment he saw Taek-woon. Taek-woon blinked at how quickly the other's mood changed, though with these people he shouldn't be surprised. He hadn't forgotten what Saet-byul had told him. "You finally managed to find him?"  
  
"He was so  _annoying_ ,” Baek-hyun whined, turning to glare at him again. "He wouldn't go through the front gate and we couldn't go in and find him. Such a pain in the ass." He gave Taek-woon a triumphant smirk that had the thin line on Taek-woon's lips pull down into a deeper frown.  
  
"Might as well get inside first," the one holding Baek-hyun muttered, still watching Taek-woon carefully. "It's cold out here." He opened the door to quietly lead Baek-hyun inside, one hand cupped around the shorter male's head and the other holding the door open. Baek-hyun initially pushed the other off as he marched inside, though the moment they were all inside he immediately latched onto the taller man's arm.  
  
The inside of the shop was a stark contrast from the simple, plain look of the outside, shelves packed together with various knickknacks piled high on top. The cramped arrangement made it hard to walk around, leaving him no room to run away as he was sandwiched between the two in front and the guy walking uncomfortably close behind him. They made their way to the back, passing a shelf full of old watches and doilies, where they had somehow managed to set up a full table with four chairs placed around it. Baek-hyun pushed himself away as he wiggled himself around one chair to go behind the register counter, calling out excitedly when he bent down and took out a steaming tea kettle, holding it out for them to see.  
  
"Just in time, tea's ready." Taek-woon felt himself shoved into the seat against the wall, the seat next to him hurriedly taken and boxing him in. Baek-hyun took his time coming back over, putting the tea kettle down and nudging the taller man and gesturing impatiently at the back. The man surprisingly just smiled at the other's antics, going back and retrieving teacups, pouring them all a cup.  
  
"I know Baek-hyun here can get pissy," he started, purposefully ignoring Baek-hyun's indignant shout, "but we're not actually planning on doing anything bad to you. So you can calm down." He handed Taek-woon a teacup which he reluctantly took. "I'm Chan-yeol by the way, and that over there is Jong-in." He hummed in response.  
  
"We just want to know how Hak-yeon and Binnie are doing," Chan-yeol continued, sitting down and swatting at Baek-hyun when the latter tried to drink the still hot tea. "We never were able to visit, and one day you just moved and didn't tell us where you went."  
  
"I wasn't aware I had to inform you."  
  
Baek-hyun immediately moved to respond, face twisting as he opened his mouth to snap something at him, when Chan-yeol put a hand over his. Surprisingly, Baek-hyun snapped his mouth shut, only glowering as he sulkingly sipped his tea. "No, but they're just as important to us as they are to you. Even if they chose to live with you, we should still be able to check on them."  
  
Taek-woon paused, teacup halfway to his mouth. He was right, he realized bitterly. Despite what Hak-yeon insisted, these people deserved to at least know how they were doing. They had all gone through the same thing, and probably felt a close bond because of it. However, "Hak-yeon doesn't want to meet you. I can tell you they're well but nothing else."  
  
"That's bullshit!" Jong-in shouted, beating Baek-hyun who had also made a move to protest. "There's no way Hak-yeon would say that!"  
  
"Jong-in-" Chan-yeol started, but Taek-woon cut in, calmly replying,  
  
"Hak-yeon made the decision himself and I am only upholding it. When he decides he wants to see you again, I will let you come." Chan-yeol pursed his lips in disagreement, but nodded nonetheless.  
  
"Are...they doing well though?"  
  
"...yes."  
  
Jong-in, despite still glaring at him through the giant parka he was wearing, muttered, "Even Bin?"  
  
"Hong-bin's doing alright, though he can't do much without Hak-yeon."  
  
"Does Bin not want to see us either?" Baek-hyun asked, his previous sharpness gone and replaced with an almost downtrodden expression. He could feel them all watching him intently, and he shifted away as best he could in the cramped area.  
  
"He won't do anything Hak-yeon tells him not to do. If Hak-yeon doesn't want to meet you, then Hong-bin won't either." None of them said anything, Chan-yeol taking the silence to take their empty teacups and put them away in the back. It wasn't until he came back that Jong-in finally spoke again, this time much softer.  
  
"Are they happy?"  
  
Taek-woon hesitated answering, knowing full well that 'happy' was the last word he would use to describe the two. Hak-yeon was getting better, slowly but surely, but he was in no way recovered. There were still times when he wasn't sure his friend was there at all, and that didn't account for Hong-bin who would grow just as quiet and lifeless when with him. There was nothing  _happy_ about them, but there was no way he was telling them that. He had an idea they wouldn't leave him alone until they forced him to bring them to the two, which would be chaos.  
  
Not to mention what Hak-yeon would do at the betrayal of his trust.  
  
"They're not happy, but they're not unhappy either. They're managing."  
  
Chan-yeol sighed deeply, though there was nothing dramatic or exaggerated about it. "We all are. There's no way to fully recover; we're going to forever be haunted by what happened." Baek-hyun silently put a hand on the other's, leaning his head on his shoulder, Chan-yeol shooting him a soft smile. "This shop is enough to sustain us, even a little. It's the best...the best I can do."  
  
"At least you're able to see people..." Jong-in muttered next to him, though Taek-woon wasn't able to figure out what he meant before the back door opened again and a small head poked out, large eyes roaming around the room until they landed on the four of them. His eyes widened at the sight of Taek-woon, and Jong-in shot out of his seat as he ran over, whispering silently as he shielded him from view. Chan-yeol noticed him staring and clicked his tongue sadly.  
  
"Not all of us adjusted well," he said quietly so the other two wouldn't be able to hear him.  
  
Taek-woon watched as the smaller boy kept glancing at him fearfully, gripping onto Jong-in's front and mouthing something. It reminded him so much of Hong-bin, and he purposefully looked away. "Are you all still living together?"  
  
"No," Baek-hyun muttered, head still on Chan-yeol's shoulder and looking visibly tired. "Lu Han and Zitao moved back to China and Min-seok left with them. Se-hun and Jong-dae moved out too." Taek-woon had no idea who they were, though he wondered if he told Hak-yeon if he would react. Chan-yeol patted the other's head.  
  
"Only those of us who can't find a job anywhere else have stayed."  
  
"It's okay," Jong-in whispered gently, and they all turned to see Jong-in leading the smaller boy towards them, both hands placed firmly on his shoulders so he wouldn't be able to run away. The boy looked terrified out of his mind, eyes locked on Taek-woon as he fidgeted and made every attempt to run away. Chan-yeol straightened in his seat, eyes wide and mouth slack in shock.  
  
"What are you doing, Jong-in?" he demanded, reaching out and taking the boy's hand in his own.  
  
"Kyung-soo hyung should greet him," Jong-in hissed, slapping his hand away from the boy. "Maybe he would let us meet them if he does." They stopped right in front of Taek-woon, Kyung-soo freezing when he was a hair's length away from touching him, his hands pulled into clenched fists. "Say hello," Jong-in said gently, his thumb caressing his shoulder.  
  
"Jong-innie," Kyung-soo whimpered, his voice surprisingly steady despite his scared appearance, "he won't let us see him. I don't want to greet him."  
  
"Kyung-soo ya," Baek-hyun said in an astonishingly tender voice, reaching out to try and comfort him as well, "you don't have to do this. Go back upstairs."  
  
"N-no," he said, eyes fixed on Taek-woon, swallowing before his eyes hardened. "Did Hak-yeon say that he won't let us see Bin?"  
  
"He doesn't want to see you, so Hong-bin doesn't either. Neither is stopping the other."  
  
"Is he hurting him?"  
  
Taek-woon blinked in surprise, not having expected that question when he had only ever seen the two hanging over each other. The others seemed to be just as surprised, all nudging him and whispering exasperatedly at him, though Kyung-soo seemed determined to get an answer as he waited with his unwavering eyes. Seeing he wouldn't move until he got an answer, Taek-woon shook his head. "No, Hak-yeon loves him very much. He would never hurt him."  
  
Kyung-soo didn't move for the longest time, and everyone waited with baited breath to see what he would do, when he finally nodded his head. "That's good enough for me."  
  
Jong-in gaped, hurriedly pulling Kyung-soo away. "What do you mean? Don't you want to see them?" But the other boy wasn't in the mood to talk, wasting no time breaking away and rushing out of the room, the back door slamming behind him. Jong-in wasn’t far behind him.  
  
Chan-yeol sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry about that. Kyung-soo has a hard time with people and I’m not sure why Jong-in thought it was a good idea to bring him out here.”  
  
“Though Kyung-soo spoke with you,” Baek-hyun added spitefully, lip upturned, “so that must mean you’re not a total deadweight.”  
  
Taek-woon decided to take that as a compliment.  
  
“Hey, did you guys do something to Kyung-so- woah, who’s this?” They all turned to the new voice to see another man pop out from behind the door, and Taek-woon was suddenly reminded of how many of them there actually were. When he thought of how they were all people that Saet-byul’s mother had captured and tortured in her basement, he felt his stomach sink in guilt.  
  
“Ah, Joon-myeon hyung,” Baek-hyun called out, waving him over lazily, “this is the guy that won’t let us see Hak-yeon and Bin.” Taek-woon sighed, ready to be hit with another barrage of questions or unnecessary accusations, when Joon-myeon just smiled, waving.  
  
“Well hello there. I hope these idiots here aren’t harassing you too much.”  
  
“Hyung!”  
  
“No, you guys are being absolutely ridiculous and you know it.” Joon-myeon shook his head at the two before limping over, his right leg dragging behind his left, each step looking like a struggle. Chan-yeol shot out of his seat exasperatedly.  
  
“Hyung, what are you doing out without your crutch? You-”  
  
“Oh hush now,” Joon-myeon muttered as he grabbed a bag of biscuits from under the counter and threw them into Taek-woon’s hands. “Here, take these for your troubles. I don’t know what they’ve been doing when I clearly told them not to do anything,” he sent a pointed glare towards Baek-hyun who only made a face back, “but I apologize on their behalf.”  
  
“Hey, those are mine!” Chan-yeol whined.  
  
“Stop being so childish. If you want to see them, you have to show them that you’re serious about meeting them, and because you miss them.  _Kidnapping_ their friend isn’t going to make either of them want to come see you.” He limped over to the table where Chan-yeol slumped back down in his seat and the two hung their heads, pouting as they refused to meet his eye. Taek-woon felt uncomfortable sitting under the looming gaze of the older man, so he quickly stood up as well. Joon-myeon smiled as he clapped a hand on his shoulder, Taek-woon instinctively jerking away. Joon-myeon didn’t seem to notice.  
  
“I know you really care for Hak-yeon, and I’m thankful that you’re continuing to take care of him, even now. Bin too. Despite what you might think, we’re not going to take either of them away from you."  
  
“Thank you-”  
  
“Just keep him away from Saet-byul.” At the sudden viciousness in his voice, Taek-woon snapped his mouth shut, and he blinked in surprise at how quickly the mood changed in the room. “Keep them both away from her.”  
  
He thought of how tenderly Hak-yeon had held Saet-byul in his arms, the way she looked at him as she had leaned against his chest while he cradled her in his arms, how Hak-yeon had looked at her. He thought of how she had cried at just the sight of him, how every time they met she only asked for him and how he was. She clearly loved him. However, it seemed that the people here didn’t know that, nor did they know that Taek-woon had already let the two meet. He had to make sure they continued not to know. Taking a deep breath, he said slowly, his voice low,  
  
“Has Saet-byul done anything?”  
  
Joon-myeon faltered, closing his eyes briefly as if in pain. “No, but none of us trust her. While we were one of Eun-ji’s last dolls, we’ve heard from the others. Eun-ji didn’t start off as terrible as she is, she grew worse the more she played with the dolls. While Saet-byul is harmless now, the day will come when she’ll make her first doll, and that will be the end of it.”  
  
“How do you know she’ll make a doll?”  
  
“They can’t help it. It’s in their blood,” Chan-yeol added darkly, biting his lower lip harshly to the point it turned white.  
  
“You don’t know-”  
  
“We just don’t want to take that chance. From what we heard from Seok-jin,” Taek-woon tensed at the name, remembering how Hak-yeon had broken down at the mention of Seok-jin’s name, “she’s very possessive of him. It’s a wonder she lasted this long, though who knows when she’ll try to take him back again.”  
  
“She only asks about him,” he said defensively, and jumped when Baek-hyun shot out of his seat, knocking the chair hard into one of the shelves as he leapt behind the counter. They all stared at him in shock as he glared their way, his lips pulled down into a snarl as he ducked down until only his eyes were visible.  
  
“You’ve met her, haven’t you?" he shouted accusingly.  
  
“Baek-hyun,” Joon-myeon started exasperatedly, though Baek-hyun cut him off.  
  
“Don’t you see? He’s going to let her take them away! Just watch!”  
  
“No he won’t,” Joon-myeon said with a long sigh, shaking his head, “Hak-yeon's friend wouldn't do that, right?" Joon-myeon turned back to Taek-woon with a wide smile, his eyes watching him carefully despite his cheerful and laid-back appearance, the way he stared showing that there was only one correct answer. They all watched him, waited with a chilling silence, their eyes honing in on the tiny nod he gave, their lips pursing at the small reassurance that he would never let them meet.  
  
He left quickly after, not allowing them to say another word as he headed straight back home. His mind was too muddled at this point to even attempt to go to class.  
  
It was also when he grew afraid of Joon-myeon, much more intimidated by the kind smiles and caring way he spoke that hid the harsh intent underneath than the empty threats Baek-hyun threw at him.


	14. Chapter 14

Saet-byul trembled as she stood resolutely next to the lamppost, the yellow glow from the light above dim against the rising morning sun that peaked through the clouds. She gripped her phone tightly between her fingers as she held it to her chest, her eyes darting around for any sign of Taek-woon or N. She let out a shaky breath as she tried to calm her nerves, the crisp, morning air biting through her clothes and chilling her body. But she wouldn’t move; of all days, she would wait until the end of time if she had to.  
  
Today was the first day Taek-woon was going to let her spend time with N on her own.  
  
She could almost squeal in excitement, the idea that N wanted to see her again and that there could be a possibility that things could go back to the way they were filling her with happiness. However, she found that her excitement could only grow so much, the image of Hyuk’s hurt expression and how he ran away from her still fresh in her mind as if it was yesterday.  
  
She had been hesitant about telling Hyuk about N coming back, knowing that the other boy hated N for leaving her the way he did. She couldn't stand the idea of Hyukkie hating N, the idea of  _anyone_ hating N, but she couldn't tell him what really happened, why N had really left. He would hate her, be scared of her like Hong-bin or how Taek-woon was now. Hyukkie, while nowhere near how she loved N, was extremely important to her, and she didn't think she could stand it if he was scared of her too.  
  
She glanced down to the phone in her hand, the small flip phone N had bought her so tiny compared to the smart phone Hyuk had given her. Biting her lip, she glanced around for any sign of Taek-woon or N before pulling Hyuk's phone out from her purse, bringing it to her ear and praying that he would answer her call. She whimpered when he didn't answer, the voicemail that at this point she could recite by heart causing her heart to clench.  
  
She decided to send him a quick text to come out and meet with her and N, hoping that she could make it up to him somehow.  
  
She couldn't stand the idea of him avoiding her too.  
  
"Saet-byul." She snapped her head up to see Taek-woon standing in front of her, her eyes immediately darting to the side to see both N and Hong-bin hiding behind him. She couldn't hide her disappointment at seeing Hong-bin, having hoped it would just be her and N, and Taek-woon seemed to notice.  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't leave Hong-bin alone at home. As long as he's with Hak-yeon he's fine, just try not to agitate them."  
  
"I promise," she said immediately. She watched as Taek-woon turned around to the two, his face passive as he fixed their scarves and made sure their hats on their heads were secure. She wasn't sure how she felt to see him babying them like that, wasn't sure how she felt him babying  _N_  like that, but she decided not to say anything. The last thing she wanted was for him to take N away. After the umpteenth time of fixing N's scarf, N stopped him, holding his hands tightly.  
  
"Go to class, Taek-woon ah."  
  
"Are you sure you can handle this?" Taek-woon asked, and she pouted slightly at the indication he wasn't comfortable leaving them with her. "If you want, I still have time to take you back-"  
  
"We'll be fine. Go or you'll be late."  
  
Taek-woon hesitated, his fingers hovering over N's before slowly pulling away, brushing Hong-bin's fringe one last time and telling him to be good and listen to N. Hong-bin promised sullenly, his eyes glued to her the entire time. "If you need anything, or anything happens, call me right away, do you understand?"  
  
"Yes," she promised again, hiding her agitation, and it seemed enough for Taek-woon. He bid them all another goodbye before he finally managed to leave, though not without sending them all continuous glances until he was out of sight.  
  
She brightened when N turned back around to look at her, his face puffed out from the tight scarf wrapped around his neck and his hat pulled down just above his eyes. She reached out and took his hands, his gloves coarse against her bare hands, and she heard a squeak next to her. Hong-bin quickly shoved her away as he pulled N towards himself, glaring harshly.  
  
"Don't touch!"  
  
Before she had a chance to say anything, N put a hand on Hong-bin's and slowly pushed them away. "Binnie," he said softly, brushing his cheeks when Hong-bin sent him a hurt, betrayed look, "I need to do this. Please believe hyung." Hong-bin whimpered, looking close to crying, when N kissed his forehead.  
  
Her hand around her phone tightened, her breathing heavier as she held herself back, her fingers shaking.  
  
N could only kiss  _her_.  
  
"Don't cry, little Binnie," he cooed, brushing away his tears with a smile. "Crying hurts hyung too." At that Hong-bin hurriedly wiped away his tears, sniffling loudly. "That's a good boy. Just let hyung do this, and I'll reward you later, okay?" After a few more minutes of the two whispering things that she couldn't hear, Hong-bin eventually moved behind N, refusing to look at either of them as N stoically put his hands in hers.  
  
"Where would you like to go?" he asked. She felt the initial rush of excitement at his question, the sweet question reminiscent of the way things used to be. But...but...it all felt wrong. There was nothing behind his voice, nothing in his eyes, nothing that showed he was here beyond pure obligation. She didn't like it. She stared into his eyes, searching for some hint that this was her N, swallowing heavily when she saw nothing.  
  
"I-I want to wait for a minute," she said quickly, hiding her discomfort behind a large smile. She was finally with her beautiful N, she wasn't going to waste it by being sad. N sent her a slightly confused look, his fingers twitching in her hand, and she gave him a reassuring laugh. "Hyukkie...I invited Hyukkie to come with us. I want to wait for him."  
  
A ghost of a smile grew on N's lips, an almost bittersweet expression crossing his features. "Is little Hyukkie joining us?"  
  
"I hope he is," she said sincerely, hoping she would be able to finally clear the misunderstanding between them. She fervently wished for everything to go back to normal before her mother ruined everything. She wished desperately. "Though you should see him now. He's really tall." N didn't say anything, just staring without really looking at her, and her smile faltered.  
  
"Are you hungry?" she asked, doing anything to get N to speak again. He was so quiet, just staring, and it was starting to worry her.  
  
"We ate," Hong-bin snapped, making a face at her before quickly hiding when N turned to look at him.  
  
"T-then, do you want to watch a movie? I'm not really sure what's playing..." she trailed off when Hong-bin tugged on N's sleeve, watching their interactions with pursed lips and a furrowed brow.  
  
_"Hyung, what's a movie?"_  N smiled as he cupped Hong-bin's face, his response too quiet for her to hear. She couldn't help the jealousy that rushed through her, wanting more than ever to shove Hong-bin away from him and take N far away, to hide him away so no one else could see him. N was  _her_  doll, he should only be touching and looking at  _her_ like that. She didn't really know much about Hong-bin, or his relationship with N, but she would never approve how much they touched each other. That was for her alone. Even before, N had never touched or spoke to her the way he did now, and it made her furious.  
  
But before she was able to say or do anything, a familiar voice called out.  
  
_"Little star!"_ Hong-bin and N both jumped at the shrill voice, though she turned with a wide smile at the surprising sight of both Jae-hwan and Won-shik approaching them.  
  
“Jae-hwan? What are you doing here?” She initially flinched when Jae-hwan wrapped his arms around her in a hug, though she held her breath as she forced herself to stay still. She could feel N’s eyes on her, and she wanted to make sure he saw how she changed. Jae-hwan was surprised she didn’t move away, though he didn’t say anything. She shifted in his hug enough to look at Won-shik, her smile waning slightly. “When did you get back?”  
  
“Wonnie came back last week,” Jae-hwan announced, clapping the other boy on the back loudly with a laugh. “America must have been amazing, he’s been moping around all week.”  
  
_“Shut up hyung!”_ Won-shik hissed, nudging Jae-hwan sharply in the side before coughing, sending her a small wave. “Hi Saet-byul.”  
  
She waved back carefully and Jae-hwan finally let go. “So what did you need, little star?”  
  
“Need? I didn’t need anything. I was actually wondering why you were here-"  
  
“Really?” Jae-hwan fished out his phone, flashing her the screen to show his text messages. Her heart sank. “Sang-hyukkie said you needed something and asked me to come see you.” He paused for a second before his face grew serious, his voice lower. “Did you guys fight?”  
  
“Hyukkie…” she said slowly, reading over the texts carefully, seeing with her own eyes Hyuk avoiding her and saying he didn’t want to see her. She felt her chest tighten, swallowing heavily. “Did...he really not want to see me?”  
  
“The kid’s an idiot when it comes to you, but you must have done something really bad if he’s hiding. Did you reject him? Cause if you did-” Jae-hwan stopped mid-sentence when something hard clamped down on his arm, and he squealed as he whirled around to see N’s face inches from his own, a deep, furious scowl on the latter’s face. Won-shik swore loudly as he tugged Jae-hwan out of harm’s way, the both of them staggering back and sending her fearful looks. She ignored them as she held N back, reassuring him that everything was fine and to calm down. It was a tense few seconds before N finally stilled, them all blinking in shock at how quickly all the rage from earlier vanished completely, the blank look he had from before back on his face.  
  
”S-Saet-byul-”  
  
She bit her lip, preparing herself before turning around. “I had meant to tell Hyukkie first...but...this is N. Do you remember?” They both leaned in to get a better look, eyes squinting as they tried to look past N’s gaunt face and lifeless eyes. When it looked like they couldn’t recognize him, she reached up and pushed his bangs away, both immediately squealing again.  
  
_“Holy shit,”_  Won-shik cried out, “it really  _is_ him!”  
  
Jae-hwan was less thrilled, taking her arm and pulling her behind him, his eyes narrowing as he glared at N. N immediately stepped forward, eyes flashing as he tried to grab her back. Jae-hwan attempted to push him away, arm reaching out to shove him when N’s hand shot right out, twisting Jae-hwan’s arm behind his back and shoving him to the ground. He moved toward him, malicious intent deep in his eyes, and she shot out and pulled him back, crying his name.  
  
“Stop N! Don’t hurt him!”  
  
“What the hell is wrong with him?” Won-shik demanded, helping Jae-hwan up and making sure there was a good distance between them.  
  
“Please don’t misunderstand,” she cried, hugging N around the waist protectively, half because she didn’t want him going after them again and half because she wanted to protect him. N couldn’t protect himself at the moment, so she would. “He thought you were going to hurt me.” She turned to N, shaking him until he looked down at her, confusion in his eyes. “This is Jae-hwan and Won-shik. You remember Won-shik, right? They’re my friends, please don’t hurt them. Please.”  
  
He stared at her as if it was taking him time to process what she said; he slowly looked up at the cowering boys and blinked, a slow minute passing by before his eyes widened and he let out a breath in surprise. “Won-shik...that was your terrible tutor, right?”  
  
“Yes!” she shouted hurriedly, ignoring Won-shik’s angry shout behind them. “He’s not my tutor anymore but he and Jae-hwan are my friends. They’re nice, they won’t hurt me.”  
  
N didn't move, just staring at Won-shik as if he was a bug until a small _"hyung,"_  whimpered behind them. It was amazing how irrelevant she became at that moment, N pushing her away in favor of wrapping a comforting arm around Hong-bin's shoulders, whispering soothing words again that only managed to make her blood boil. She turned away, unable to keep watching, and the other two slowly crept over towards her, feeling safe enough to move towards her.  
  
"Saet-byul..." Jae-hwan started, swallowing heavily as he kept his eyes on the two. "Is that really...is that really him?"  
  
She nodded, eyes focused intently on her shoes. "Taek-woon oppa said...he said he became like that after a while. It's the only reason he let me see him."  
  
Jae-hwan watched them closely, taking a deep breath before whispering, “Is it really bad?” They watched as eventually Hong-bin stilled enough that N pulled away, the two of them turning towards them and staring in that way that terrified her. She could feel Jae-hwan and Won-shik stiffen behind her, so she quickly moved to break the stifling silence.  
  
“D-do you still want to go to the movies N? I’m sure we could find something to watch.”  
  
Making a very conscious effort not to touch her, Jae-hwan leaned forward, eyes never leaving N, “Do you want us to come with you?”  
  
No, she really only wanted N, and maybe Hyuk if he had come along. She didn’t want either of them there, and she especially didn’t want Hong-bin there. Though, she sent them a small glance, if she could get them to somehow distract Hong-bin, she would have N all to herself. She turned toward Jae-hwan with a wide smile, nodding her head. “Yes, why don’t you come with us? You could help us choose a movie.”  
  
N let himself be dragged down the street as they headed to the movie theater, them all in a line; her holding N’s one hand in the front with Hong-bin trailing behind while holding the other. Jae-hwan and Won-shik led the way, whispering quietly to each other as they glanced back at them every so often, frowns marring their faces. She knew she didn't explain things well to them, and they probably had a million questions. She looked down to N's hand in hers, his fingers hanging loosely between hers, his skin hard.  
  
She didn't care if they were left in the dark.  
  
_The only thing that mattered was bringing her N back to her side._  
  
She glanced back to see Hong-bin waddling behind, his eyes firmly locked on his hands gripping tightly onto N's.  
  
_And somehow getting rid of Hong-bin._  
  
They decided on a light children's movie, N finally speaking as he said that Hong-bin couldn't watch anything scary or loud. She didn't mind, grabbing N's hand and yanking him to her side and away from Hong-bin. "N and I will buy the tickets and food," she said hurriedly, "so you guys can wait here."  
  
Hong-bin's eyes widened at the sight of her taking N away; he lunged forward and pulled N back, holding onto him desperately. "Hyung," he cried out pitifully, "don't leave me."  
  
Won-shik winced next to her, running a hand through his hair. "Hey, just go by yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to separate them."  
  
"No," she insisted, pushing Hong-bin off and stepping back. "Stay with Jae-hwan and Won-shik, they'll take care of you while we're gone." She ignored Hong-bin's stifled cries as she dragged N away, wincing when she looked up to see N's disapproving glare on her.  
  
"Don't be jealous Saet-byul," he said quietly, his gaze never wavering as she awkwardly paid for the tickets. "There was no reason to be so harsh on Hong-bin."  
  
"But you're  _my_  doll," she blurted out, unable to lie in front of N. "I don't like how much you touch him. You never did that with me."  
  
"Hong-bin is different," he continued as they got in line for the snacks, and as he looked at her like that she found she suddenly wasn't as hungry. "I may be your doll, but the circumstances are different. We're no longer under your mother, and I am living contently with Taek-woon and Hong-bin. I will care for you, and make sure you are safe, but I am no longer under any obligation to do any more."  
  
Her mouth dropped with each word he calmly whispered, her whole body growing colder with each harsh word that fell from his lips. This...this was not how she wanted their reunion to be. She had spent numerous nights imagining N coming back to her, smiling his dazzling smile as he crushed her in his arms, taking her away and living together like they used to. She had dreamt of his warm arms wrapped around her as they slept together like they used to, only sweet words whispered into her ear as he nuzzled into her hair. She had even imagined him kissing her. There was never supposed to be a Hong-bin, and there definitely wasn't supposed to be him standing here telling her that he wanted to continue staying away.  
  
He took the popcorn that she was too stunned to take, leading her back to the others while she meekly followed behind. They didn't get far before N suddenly stopped, her barely noticing in time to avoid running into his back. She peeked around his back to see what he was staring at, following his eyes to see Jae-hwan, Won-shik, and Hong-bin huddled in a hidden corner of the lobby, the three playing what looked like a hand-slapping game. Hong-bin's face scrunched up after Won-shik hit his hands, looking near tears.  
  
N shoved the food into her hands as he quickly ran over to their side, hovering dangerously as he looked to Hong-bin. "Binnie-"  
  
Hong-bin's head snapped up at the sound of his voice, a relieved smile growing on his face as he launched on N in a hug. N blinked before sending the two a glare, though he didn't have a chance to do anything when Hong-bin tugged on his front. "Hak-yeon hyung," he whispered, the smile still on his lips, "hyung taught Bin a game. They said you would play with Bin. Play?"  
  
N ignored his question as he scanned his face. "They didn't hurt you?"  
  
The younger boy shook his head. ”They didn’t touch Bin. Only touched my hands.” N’s face relaxed as he let out a shaky breath, releasing his tight hold around Hong-bin’s waist. He gave Hong-bin a quick promise to play later before they all headed to the theater.  
  
They got looks as they stepped inside, the seats filled with children and their parents who all stared at them as they sat in the back. She watched as N led Hong-bin towards a seat, helping him sit down, and she shot out to make sure she sat between the two of them. Hong-bin let out a chortled cry at the sight of her, attempting to get up only to fall back in his seat when Jae-hwan and Won-shik obliviously scooted by to sit down. She flinched when she felt a hand tighten around hers, and she turned slightly to see N frowning at her. She whimpered, not about to move, forcing her chin up to silently motion that she wanted to stay. He didn’t say anything, just leaning back into his seat, frown still in place.  
  
She heard a small giggle next to her and looked over to see Jae-hwan helping Hong-bin put on a pair of 3D glasses, the latter laughing at one of the faces Jae-hwan made. The movie wasn’t 3D, and she didn’t know where he managed to find the glasses, but she was thankful he was able to somehow distract him.  
  
As the movie played, she slowly leaned her head onto N’s shoulder, waiting before taking her hand in his and waiting even longer before hugging his arm completely. N didn’t move, letting her do as she wished, and for a moment in the darkness of the theater she was able to pretend that everything was as it used to be. At some point he wrapped his other arm over her, and she felt herself fall asleep. He was so warm.  
  
He was always warm.  
  
It was only when she felt something nudging her that she woke from her slumber, blinking rapidly in the bright lights to see people leaving, Hong-bin’s face hovering extremely close as he continuously shoved her. She tried shifting, wincing when she realized the entire side of her face was numb from leaning onto N’s shoulder, her arms asleep from the position she laid in. She struggled untangling herself from N who sat completely still as she did so, and Hong-bin didn’t waste any time latching onto N. She glared as the two hugged, feeling unwanted.  
  
She glanced over to Jae-hwan and Won-shik, the former excitedly retelling the movie to Won-shik who had also fallen asleep, the latter’s unimpressed face showing how much he actually cared. She heard N shift behind her and watched as he took out his phone, a smile on his lips.  
  
“Taek-woon is here.”  
  
“Taek-woon hyung?” Hong-bin asked excitedly, moving to get a glimpse of the phone. “I want to see Taek-woon hyung.”  
  
“Already?” she asked worriedly. It was too short. She didn’t even get to do anything with him. She shouldn’t have picked a movie. The smile still on his face, N reached over and ruffled her hair in that infuriatingly similar way he used to. It made her fill with longing.  
  
“Taek-woonie only has one class today. Don’t worry, next time we can stay longer.”  
  
“Promise?” she whimpered, and he nodded.  
  
That made her feel a little better.  
  
Hong-bin brightened considerably when they stepped out of the dark theater to see Taek-woon waiting for them, breaking away from N to jump in his arms with a loud “Taek-woon hyung!”. While the two of them were distracted, N came over and took her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were soft, his face a little less stiff than before as he cupped her cheeks in the way she saw him do to Hong-bin earlier.  
  
“Don’t be jealous of Hong-bin,” he said, his thumbs dusting her eyelids. “Hong-bin doesn’t understand a lot of things; you should try and understand him.”  
  
“I...I will.“  
  
He squished her cheeks together, shaking her face. “Besides, he’s my little Binnie while you’re my Byullie. Despite what I may say, you’ll always be my Byullie.” He gave her face one last squeeze before moving back to Taek-woon, his hand immediately taking Taek-woon’s in his own.  
  
“They were alright?” Taek-woon asked, eyes darting from her to Jae-hwan and Won-shik behind her. His brow crinkled slightly but he didn't question anything.  
  
“Yes,” she said softly, her mind still whirling from N’s words before. She didn’t know how much she missed just that nickname. Her heart fluttered, hammering hard against her chest. Taek-woon nodded contently, squeezing N’s hand.  
  
“If they’re alright with it, I’ll see when the next time I’ll bring them out is.” True to his nature, Taek-woon didn’t say anything else as he led them out, and she felt her feet glued to the floor as she merely waved back. She sniffled, staring at the door until they were no longer visible through the glass. She was still lost in her thoughts when Jae-hwan lazily put his arms on Won-shik's shoulders, head resting in the crook of his neck, clicking his tongue.  
  
“How did that scary guy manage to find someone even  _scarier_ than him?”

* * *

_"Hey, hey, calm down," Jae-hwan soothed when Hong-bin started crying as he watched Saet-byul lead Hak-yeon away, hesitating before laying a comforing hand on the other's shoulder. Hong-bin jumped at the touch, his eyes wide and scared as his red locks dangled in his face, and Jae-hwan hissed beratedly at himself. "Hey, they're going to come back, okay? Hak-yeon's going to come back, promise."_

_Hong-bin's lower lip quivered as he looked back towards Hak-yeon, his breathing calming slightly as his brows furrowed confusedly, looking as if he was trying his hardest to understand. "Hak-yeon hyung...hyung will come back?"_

_"Of course, right Wonnie?" he asked hurriedly, slapping Won-shik's chest when he noticed the younger staring off into space. He made a face at Won-shik before glancing pointedly at Hong-bin with his eyes, smiling as he repeated his question._

_"O-oh, yeah, of course," Won-shik mumbled, and Jae-hwan grinned wider as he slapped Won-shik hard on the back, the younger coughing and sending him an angry glare._

_"See? Wonnie here never lies, so he'll come back. Until then, you get to hang out with us!" Hong-bin flinched at his shout, looking back at Hak-yeon and starting to cry again, his hands starting to pick at the zipper of his jacket. "Hey, it's okay. We won't hurt you-" He reached out to stop him before he hurt himself and Hong-bin panicked, backing away and running straight into a man who snapped annoyingly at him. Hong-bin stumbled back in fear, bumping into more people and growing more worked up until he was crying loudly, tears running down his cheeks. Jae-hwan broke into panic mode, flying over and pulling Hong-bin close to his chest and taking him to a secluded corner of the theater, turning around so Hong-bin wouldn't be able to see anyone else._

_"Hey," he said softly, pushing Hong-bin's hair from his eyes to see him trembling, his eyes still wide in fear as his hands trembled against Jae-hwan's chest. "Hey there, it's okay. Everything's okay."_

_"Hyung...I-I want...want Hak-yeon hyung." Hong-bin's voice was shaking, and despite being scared out of his mind, his fingers gripped onto Jae-hwan tightly as if afraid to let go. "Home...want to go home. Home...scared....hyung, I'm scared..."_

_"Shh, it's okay. Jae-hwan hyung here will keep you safe until your hyung comes back, okay? And Won-shik hyung here will fight any big bad guys who come to try and hurt you." Hong-bin's trembling calmed slightly, his wide eyes glancing to Won-shik, pressing closer to Jae-hwan when Won-shik nodded reassuringly. "See? No scary guys can touch you when you're with us." He tried to pull away but Hong-bin's hands shot out and wrapped tightly around his waist, holding him still. He pressed his face firm against Jae-hwan, his breath warm and coming out in short bursts. As Jae-hwan pat Hong-bin's head comfortingly, he looked over at Won-shik and mouthed at him to do something. Won-shik's face twisted in horror before he looked down at Hong-bin's shaking form, scratching the back of his head before clearing his throat._

_"H-hey...do you, uh, wanna play a game while we wait?"_

_Hong-bin peeked out at him at that and Jae-hwan's face lit up, pushing Hong-bin's hair away so he could look at the other's eyes. "A game would be fun, you could teach it to Hak-yeon later. How does that sound?"_

_Hong-bin slowly pulled away, his arms still tight around Jae-hwan's waist. "Play...with Hak-yeon hyung? Play?"_

_"Yeah! I'm sure he would love if you taught him, how about it?" An embarrassed smile grew on the younger's lips as he nodded, just the idea of doing anything for the other bringing a flushed red to his cheeks. Jae-hwan gently peeled Hong-bin's arms off of him as he held his hands up, shaking them until Hong-bin looked at them. "Make sure to pay extra attention so that you know all the rules. You want to make sure you teach it right to Hak-yeon later, right?" Hong-bin stared at their hands in arrested fascination, his eyes following every movement. Jae-hwan wasn't sure the other was really listening, but it was enough to keep him from crying until they came back._


	15. Chapter 15

Sang-hyuk shouldn't have been surprised when he opened the door on what should have been a relaxing weekend morning to see Jae-hwan standing there with the biggest grin on his face, though he was surprised to see Won-shik behind him. He hadn't know he was already back in Korea. That didn't stop his irritation at seeing Jae-hwan though, and he made a move to slam the door shut when stupid Jae-hwan quickly shoved his foot in the way. He gave his best unimpressed look when his big nose stuck through the doorway, teeth showing.  
  
"Is that how you say good morning?" he asked teasingly, and all Sang-hyuk could think was yes, yes it was. Jae-hwan didn't wait for an answer as he let himself in, dragging a disgruntled Won-shik behind him. Sang-hyuk's father came in asking who it was and smiled brightly at the sight of the two, hurriedly rushing them in to join them for breakfast.  
  
"What brings you here so early?" he asked as they sat down, placing plates in front of them. Sang-hyuk sat across from them, glaring tiredly at them. They better have a good reason for bothering him so early. It was one thing to deal with someone as bright and annoying like Jae-hwan on a normal day, but not so early in the morning that he wasn't even dressed yet.  
  
"Little Hyukkie here has been moping around for the last few days, so we're here to cheer him up!" His tired eyes snapped open, staring at the two in both shock and fear. His father clucked his tongue, agreeing all too quickly, and Sang-hyuk sent him a betrayed look.  
  
"He has been lying around doing nothing. Maybe you two can get him out of the house." He sent him a knowing look before smiling to the other two, piling on more food when they finished. Feeling they were all ganging up on him, he wasted no time finishing his breakfast and running back to his room. He didn't care if it was childish, they should have picked a different day to annoy him. He didn't want to do anything, maybe sleep some more and get around to watching some TV-  
  
"Hyukkie!" Jae-hwan's obnoxious voice sang out as he swung the door open, and Sang-hyuk dived under the covers. Maybe he'll get tired and go away, if he just imagined hard enough-  
  
"No hiding!" Sang-hyuk yelped as Jae-hwan unceremoniously ripped the blanket away, and he glared up at the two of them hovering above his bed.  
  
"Sorry man," Won-shik mumbled, looking near death himself. "I didn't even get to eat anything before this idiot dragged me out."  
  
"It's a shared pain," he sympathized, and Jae-hwan huffed.  
  
"You're both just lazy," he huffed, tossing the blanket to the floor.  “I just happen to be a morning person while you two are just...not people." Sang-hyuk gave him another unimpressed look before offering a seat on his bed to Won-shik, the other who gratefully scrambled onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow. Jae-hwan's face brightened as he made a move to join, though Sang-hyuk pushed him off with his foot, pointing to the floor.  
  
"Bed's for not people, morning people can sit on the floor."  
  
"You two are terrible people." Jae-hwan pouted as he obligingly sat on the floor. "Making a hyung sit on the floor."  
  
"Here then," he snapped, throwing a pillow that hit him square in the face. "You can sit on a pillow."  
  
"Wow, what an improvement." But despite his mumbling, Jae-hwan hugged the pillow tight to his chest, resting his big nose on top. Sang-hyuk groaned as he sat back, poking Won-shik's arm. He didn't move.  
  
"So is there a reason you decided to ruin my morning, or did you just wake up and feel like bothering me?"  
  
"You know, you could just say 'I missed you too'?"  
  
"That would only work if I really did miss you. Or do you want me to lie?"  
  
"I think I would like lying." Sang-hyuk's lip upturned in a slight snarl, wondering if he could get away with killing his stupid hyung without getting caught, which Jae-hwan seemed to realize. "Don't hurt us! We only came to help with the aftermath of rejection!"  
  
That stopped him, and he blinked in shock for a couple seconds before his glower came right back. "With what?"  
  
"Saet-byul rejected you, didn't she? It's why you've been moping around and not coming out of you room. Wonnie and I came to help!"  
  
"I wasn't rejected," he growled, just the thought of Saet-byul causing his mood to sour terribly. If his morning wasn't ruined yet, it was ruined now. It was Jae-hwan's turn to be surprised, pulling his face off the pillow.  
  
"You weren't?"  
  
"No, I wasn't." Though it sure felt like it did, the feeling of Saet-byul's hand in his was still fresh in his mind. But so was her saying how happy she was that Hak-yeon came back. And he really didn't want to think about that. Jae-hwan frowned, something he didn't think his sunny hyung was capable of.  
  
"Then why were you avoiding her and making us go meet her instead? She seemed really upset that you didn't come."  
  
"I'm tired of always being there for her when she doesn't care if I'm there or not. She'd drop me in a heartbeat for Hak-yeon, and I'm just done." Both of them looked surprised, Won-shik actually lifting his head off the pillow to stare at him, and he sighed. "It's not like I'm never going to talk to her again. I'm just taking time to sort through my feelings so I can move on."  
  
"I normally would try pushing you to confess, since there's so much sexual tension it could fill a room," Jae-hwan flinched when Sang-hyuk made a move to throw another pillow at him, "but you might be right."  
  
"What do you mean?" He saw Jae-hwan pause, Won-shik quickly burying his face again, and his eyes narrowed. "What happened?"  
  
He couldn't help his curiosity, a small part of him still worried about her and hoping she was fine. He knew she probably had no idea why he was upset, and while he felt he shouldn't have to explain anything, he knew she wouldn't understand until someone spelt it out right in front of her. Jae-hwan hesitated in answering, biting his lip and rubbing his nose before mumbling out,  
  
"She brought Hak-yeon with her."  
  
Sang-hyuk sat straight up, all sleepiness gone as he stared down at Jae-hwan in disbelief. "She did what?"  
  
"Told you he'd freak out," Won-shik mumbled from the pillow.  
  
"She brought him and this other guy with her. She really wanted you to be there with her, I could tell she didn't want us at all."  
  
"How...how did she meet him again? When? She said he came back, but I never thought he would meet her so quick-"  
  
Jae-hwan held up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, we know as little as you do. He was just there with her in that creepy way of his. I swear, he's even scarier than before..."  
  
Sang-hyuk didn't pay attention to the end part of whatever his hyung was saying, only focusing on the part where Saet-byul had met up with Hak-yeon and Hong-bin. The one time he'd met Hong-bin, the guy looked like he wanted to tear Saet-byul into little pieces. He couldn't imagine how or why she'd be meeting with him, and he definitely couldn't picture her doing so willingly. "What was she doing with them?"  
  
"We went to watch a movie. It wasn't very long."  
  
"You shouldn't have left her with them, that one guy, Hong-bin, he-"  
  
"Stop!" he interrupted loudly, holding out the pillow as a weapon. "We didn't come all the way here to talk about unnecessary things like that. We came to have fun!" At that he jumped to his feet, throwing the pillow at Won-shik which only bounced off his head. He still didn't move, and Sang-hyuk was starting to wonder if he was still alive.  
  
"Let's go out! We'll have a day with no Saet-byul, no N, no moping! Come on, help me wake Wonnie up and we can head out!"  
  
Sang-hyuk didn't have any say in the matter, and while he would have much rather lay down right next to Won-shik and pass out along with him, he found himself helping drag him out of bed. He found himself laughing when Won-shik squealed when he fell on the floor, grinning as they let him have time alone to get dressed in privacy.  
  
Jae-hwan was definitely obnoxious, and more often than not Sang-hyuk had no patience for him. Won-shik was no better, despite his tough appearance actually a puppy, following and doing anything Jae-hwan asked him, which usually was just bothering him. However....they were good hyungs and he really didn't know what he would do without them.  
  
  
“What is this?" he deadpanned, staring in unaffected shock at the sight of Saet-byul sitting across from them, Jae-hwan and Won-shik standing on either side of him as if ready to stop him from trying to escape. Jae-hwan's idea of "going out" had been to go back to his apartment, and while he had been ready to rag on the other's apparent lack of understanding on what 'fun' meant, he had been shocked to find Saet-byul already waiting there. Won-shik, after having to be nudged a few times to wake up, had locked the door behind them so he couldn't escape. He turned to give Jae-hwan the best glare he could muster at eleven in the morning on a weekend, which probably only made him look sleepy. "You said today was no Saet-byul."  
  
"Hyukkie-" She started, though he wasn't ready to listen.  
  
"I'm going to go back to bed. Let me know the next time you dorks are actually going somewhere." He turned to leave when she cried out behind him,  
  
"Stop!" He glanced back at her to see her shaking, her lower lip sticking out in that cute way he hated. Here he was trying to finally clean up any feelings he had for her, and everyone seemed to be intent on making sure they stayed. She took a deep breath. "I want to talk to you Sang-hyuk." He hesitated, a part of him thinking that he could still leave...though, he knew he would feel guilty of being the one to make her cry, so he turned back around.  
  
She sent him a grateful smile.  
  
Jae-hwan decided that now was a good time to speak. "You both are being stupid and need to just talk things out. Seeing the two of you moping is exhausting."  
  
"Hyukkie," she started, her eyes staring at her hands that were grabbing clumps of her shirt nervously, "I'm sorry for upsetting you."  
  
He fought to stop from just accepting her apology right then and there, reminding himself that he was throwing away his feelings. Keeping as straight a face as possible, he asked, "Do you even know why I'm angry?" He could see her pause, her brow knitted in a way she always did when she was confused. He again reminded himself to stop noticing little things like that, that she looked just like anybody else when she was confused. There was nothing special about it.  
  
"Was...was it because I'm seeing N again?"  
  
He could tell she was guessing. He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking away, and she jumped to her feet. "I'm sorry," she cried. "Please stop avoiding me Hyukkie, I can't stand it when you ignore me like this." Jae-hwan silently signaled to Won-shik, the two giving him an encouraging thumbs up before heading out of the room, leaving them to sort out their problems. He sighed; he didn't need them to be so careful- he didn't care if they were there or not. He didn't care if he was with Saet-byul alone.  
  
"Will you tell me what I did wrong?"  
  
"Why do you care so much about Hak-yeon?" She jumped at the mention of Hak-yeon's name, her immediately guilty look causing his wounds to reopen, the hurt unbearable. "You...you sit there and go on and on about how much you miss him and want him and wish he'd come back...but he left you like that, broke you and made you cry so much. Why...when I've been here by your side this whole time, supporting you, why do you leave me to go running back to him the moment he comes back? Am I not important to you?"  
  
She had grown incredibly still during his outburst, her lips pursed as her eyes stared at him, unwavering. He could feel his eyes watering and fuck, he did not want to cry in front of her. He didn't want to wipe his eyes either, so he stood there awkwardly with his hands still in pockets, sniffling to hold back his tears from falling.  
  
She took a step toward him and he stiffened, watching her carefully as a small smile grew on her lips. And then she was hugging him; he could feel her face pressed into his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist, her scent so sweet as it filled his head. He felt his hands come up to hug her back, eyes closing, his fingers brushing the back of her cardigan-  
  
His eyes snapped open as he tried to shove her away, but she held him fast, her fingers digging into his back to keep him still. "Saet-byul-"  
  
"You're very important to me Hyukkie," she whispered, and he froze again. She rubbed her face against his chest, her voice muffled. "I was so worried when you started ignoring me...I don't want you to disappear...to leave me too..."  
  
He winced, deciding against his better judgment to rest a hand on her head. She made a noise at the touch, though she didn't pull away. "I wasn't going to leave you forever. I just needed time to myself." She turned her face slightly so that her cheek rested against him, her hold on him loosening enough that he felt he could breathe again.  
  
"N..." she started, and he cut her off before he could hear one of her spiels again. He was really tired of hearing those.  
  
"Stop, I don't want to hear it."  
  
"N," she continued as if he never spoke, her voice hitching as if trying to stop from crying, "will always be more special than you." He could feel his heart crumble, and he wanted nothing more than to run away, back to his room and under his covers. Why the hell did he let Jae-hwan convince him to come out here? He hissed, ready to push her away when she spoke again, her voice barely a whisper. "N was the first person to love me and take care of me. I know he was forced to because of my mother, and he probably wouldn't have treated me so kindly if it wasn't for that, but...but nothing will match how his voice sounds saying my name, how my heart flutters when he hugs me. I know you hate N for how he left me, but there was a reason he left."  
  
He started at that, pushing her away enough so he could look at her face. "There was a reason? What was it?"  
  
"I can't tell you," she said quietly, her eyes looking anywhere but at him.  
  
"You can't-"  
  
"But Hyukkie," she cut in, barreling through, "you're important to me too! You're my best friend, I can't imagine living without you! I was able to get through N leaving me because you were there for me...if you're gone...who will be there for me?"  
  
"Do you..." he hissed, his hands moving up to grab her shoulders to force her to look at him, "do you really not understand? Are you that dense?"  
  
"What do you mean?" She panicked when he didn't answer right away, grabbing him right back. "What don't I understand? N, he's come back and he says he's going to stay this time. It'll all go back like it used to-"  
  
"I don't care about that!" he snapped, shaking her to stop her from talking. She wasn't listening, she never listened. It was always N, N, N, N- "Why can't you see how much I like you? Why can't you see my feelings? I really like you, Yoon Saet-byul, but you're so dense you would never be able to see it even if I stamped it on my forehead!"  
  
It was absolutely silent save for a few gasps outside the kitchen door, something he guessed was Jae-hwan trying not to squawk as he shamelessly eavesdropped on the other side. Saet-byul didn't move, just staring at him with wide eyes. He huffed, the adrenaline leaving him slowly only to be replaced by the growing horror that he had just confessed to Saet-byul...by screaming in her face. He hurriedly pulled away, pulling his beanie down to hide his face and whirling around.  
  
"I..." he started, his whole body shaking and his heart hammering in his chest, "I'll just-"  
  
"Han Sang-hyuk." He froze, a mantra of curses running through his head as he begrudgingly turned around. He heard footsteps -he refused to lift up his hat- and flinched when he felt fingers brush his cheek. Then, slowly, he felt his hat rolled up until he saw Saet-byul's face inches from his own, a soft smile on her lips as she pulled away, having had to stand on her tip-toes to reach him. "Sang-hyuk," she continued, "Hyukkie."  
  
"S-Saet-byul," he stuttered, and he inwardly berated himself for stuttering.  
  
"How long have you kept this to yourself?"  
  
"To myself?" he asked, chuckling. "Literally everyone knew about it before you. Even Hak-yeon knew about it."  
  
Her cheeks flushed as she started playing with the edge of her cardigan. "N...he used to joke about you all the time. Would tell me to hug and kiss you and things like that." Sang-hyuk suddenly found himself wishing Hak-yeon was here so he could kiss him, though he guessed that wouldn't go well with how much he actually hated the guy. "I told him to stop joking all the time, that there was no way you could like me or I like you. You were my first friend I made, you were different from N who was..." she trailed off, digging her thumb into the side of her hand, "was N."  
  
"Honestly, at that time I don't know what I would've done if you kissed me," he rambled, feeling even more embarrassed with her talking like this. He knew she was leading him into a rejection, could see it on her face. "It was a little crush back then, you were really cute and would talk to me despite me being a nerd and no girls ever wanting to talk to me. But I grew to actually really like you."  
  
"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, a tone of desperation in her voice. "Why did you wait so long?"  
  
"Because of Hak-yeon," he half laughed, half snapped. "You were always going on about how you could only love him and how you missed him oh so much. When I sit there and listen to you go on and on, how could I even think of confessing?" She didn't respond to that, playing with her cardigan again. "I mean, just think about it. When you told me you wanted to try skinship with me because it's me, how do you think I felt?"  
  
She gasped. "Was that why you were upset?"  
  
"I was so happy that you wanted to try it with me. And then you turn around and say it was all for Hak-yeon-”  
  
“No," she rushed, "I did want to try with you. I mean, I did want to practice for N, but I could only practice with you. You're the one I'm most comfortable with-"  
  
"But in the end it's for him, not me." She didn't say anything to that, only confirming her answer. He sighed, pulling his hat off and running a hand through his hair. He was suddenly so tired, this argument with Saet-byul exhausting. "Look...I know you don't actually like me back. It's why I left."  
  
"You...you won't actually leave me, right?" She sounded so broken.  
  
"No," he laughed tiredly, reaching out and ruffling her hair, this time not hesitating. She didn't move, only tensing slightly before looking up at him. "Just until I sort my feelings out."  
  
"Hyukkie..." her voice grew quiet, and he had to strain his ears to hear, "I wonder what...what would it have been like if it had been you instead...?"  
  
"Instead?" he asked, though she quickly shook her head, smiling brightly.  
  
"Thank you for liking me. You were always there, even when N was not, and I'll always appreciate that. Maybe one day, when N is all better and we're like we used to be, maybe I can learn to like you." She hugged him tightly, her face shining. "Though you'll never be as good as N," she giggled.  
  
"We'll see about that," he laughed back, pinching her cheek and relishing when she didn't pull away. He didn't trust her, didn't believe for a second that there was any way she would forget about Hak-yeon. But he would enjoy this while he could, indulge himself even if only for a short time.  
  
\--  
  
"Hey, they're going to totally hear you," Won-shik mumbled apathetically from his seat at the counter, watching with his head propped up on his hand as Jae-hwan pressed himself to the door, ear resting against a cup as he listened to Saet-byul and Sang-hyuk on the other side. He had no idea why Jae-hwan felt the need to be so stealthy, Sang-hyuk could clearly be heard all the way from his seat, and if one listened hard enough they could hear Saet-byul too. When Sang-hyuk abruptly confessed, to which even he was a little surprised, Jae-hwan dropped his cup in shock, cursing and hissing as he scrambled to pick it up while making as little noise as possible.  
  
Won-shik grabbed a peanut from the snack bowl in front of him, tossing it and knocking Jae-hwan in his big nose. He smirked, taking great satisfaction when the other glared at him with the biggest annoyed look possible, lips pursed and eyes wide to show his exasperation.  
  
"Not now, Won-shik," he hissed, putting a finger to his lips. "I need to listen!"  
  
"You can totally hear them without being all stupid. At this rate Sang-hyuk's going to burst in here and kill you."  
  
"How can he kill me when I'm the one that gave him the opportunity to confess? He should be thanking me!"  
  
"No, I can totally see him killing you. And good luck, cause I'm not about to save your ass."  
  
"Remind me again why I'm letting you stay with me?" Jae-hwan huffed grumpily as he stood up, tossing the cup into the sink as he walked to the fridge.  
  
"Cause you love me," he smirked cheekily, and it was enough for Jae-hwan to hand him a soda, albeit reluctantly.  
  
"I should get that checked. Not worth it." He sent him his best cute face to which Jae-hwan's whole face scrunched up, whirling around to avoid going blind. He snickered, throwing another peanut at his head. "You're such a terrible, un-cute dongsaeng. Why I deal with you I'll never know-"  
  
"Oh please, you know you were counting down the days till I got here. Don't hide it-"  
  
"And I sincerely regret it! Look at you, being so inconsiderate-"  
  
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find Jae-hwan hyung and kill him," Sang-hyuk's deep voice cut in, and Jae-hwan cursed loudly as he tossed his drink back onto the counter, launching himself behind Won-shik and clinging onto his shoulders, ducking down the best he could to hide. Won-shik snorted, glancing over his shoulder to see Jae-hwan's eyes peek out, ducking down again when there was a noise outside the door.  
  
"What happened to me being a terrible, inconsiderate dongsaeng?" he asked teasingly, which Jae-hwan slapped him lightly.  
  
"You know you're my favorite of favorite dongsaengs, my lovely Won-shik ah. Now stay still and don't move." The door suddenly swung open, and Jae-hwan let out a small squeal before hiding again. Won-shik fought to keep his face still as Sang-hyuk scanned the room, Saet-byul hanging onto his arm. It didn't take the kid long to notice Jae-hwan's permed hair sticking out from behind his back, and Won-shik quickly jumped out the way when Sang-hyuk stormed over.  
  
"Won-shik-" Jae-hwan started only to realize he was inches from Sang-hyuk, the younger looking ready to murder. "S-Sang-hyukkie-"  
  
"What the hell, hyung," Sang-hyuk hissed angrily, and Won-shik made sure to take a safe step back. "You planned this-"  
  
"Of course I planned it! You know you were never going to confess on your own, as wimpy as you are. I was just helping!"  
  
"Helping? I never wanted to confess like this! I ended up yelling at her and-"  
  
"Hyukkie," Saet-byul said gently, and it was almost comical how quickly Sang-hyuk shut his mouth, sheepishly stepping down when she put a hand on his chest. He wasn't the only one that noticed, Jae-hwan's eyes honing in on her hand.  
  
"Woah Hyukkie, don't tell me you already got to first base? Did you kiss? I didn't know you had it in you-" Jae-hwan stopped mid-sentence to squeal when Sang-hyuk grabbed a handful of peanuts from the snack bowl, chucking them as hard as he could. Saet-byul giggled as Jae-hwan ran away, crying loudly about unappreciative dongsaengs, Sang-hyuk not far after him. As everything died down, Jae-hwan's screams barely audible from wherever Sang-hyuk was killing him, he glanced over to Saet-byul to see her staring at him.  
  
He bit the inside of his cheek, unsure of what to say to her. He had to admit, he wasn't the nicest to her when they were in school, and he never did apologize to her before she vanished and he headed off to America. He could tell she was still wary of him, refusing to meet his eyes, and he sighed. "Did...did you figure everything out between you two?" he asked, cursing mentally at how stupid that probably sounded.  
  
She fidgeted, staring at the floor. "We did..."  
  
"Did you reject him?"  
  
"I...I can't now. Not until N's better. But maybe...maybe one day..." she stole a glance at him, her cheeks flushed. Then, in a small whisper, "Did you know about him liking me too?"  
  
"Yeah...everyone kind of knew."  
  
"I feel so bad. I must have hurt him so badly always talking about N. I never meant to."  
  
"Sang-hyuk's a strong kid. He'll bounce back. As long as you don't lead him on and hurt him later." She looked up at him in the change in his voice, realizing the small threat behind it, when Jae-hwan burst back in the room, walking confidently despite his hair a jumbled mess and his sweater pulled halfway off his shoulder. Sang-hyuk followed right after, a satisfied smirk on his face as he went right back to Saet-byul's side. She sent him a quick smile.  
  
"Alright," Jae-hwan announced, waiting until they were all looking at him, "ignoring Sang-hyuk's complete disregard for what this hyung did for him, we're going to get to the real reason I invited all of you here."  
  
"You mean you actually planned something?" Sang-hyuk scoffed.  
  
Jae-hwan ignored him. "As you can see, my little Wonnie came back last week and we haven't celebrated yet! Not to mention his birthday-"  
  
"Hyung, my birthday was last month-"  
  
"-which you weren't here for. We should celebrate now!"  
  
"You do realize it's not even noon yet?" Sang-hyuk snickered, enjoying seeing the frustrated look on Jae-hwan's face.  
  
"Oh my god you guys, maybe I just wanted to hang out with you terrible people!" The smile slipped away from Won-shik's lips as Sang-hyuk snapped something back, laughing at the supposed exaggerated antics of the elder. He stared sadly at his hyung, watching how despite the way Jae-hwan smiled with his teeth and hung off Sang-hyuk childishly, there was a melancholic look in his eye, his hold on Sang-hyuk's arm just a little too tight.  
  
Sang-hyuk wouldn't know, hadn't known Jae-hwan as long as he had, wouldn't see the signs.  
  
While he had been too tired earlier to even think, now that he was awake he could see; getting Sang-hyuk and Saet-byul to reconcile and celebrate his birthday a month late wasn't his real intention on bringing them all here. That was too much even for Jae-hwan. There was a reason he wanted them all here, a reason he forced them all back into the living room where they squeezed onto his tiny couch, why he insisted for Saet-byul to sit on Sang-hyuk's lap. He glanced over to see the smile on Jae-hwan's face thin just slightly when the younger two weren't looking, how he forced it even wider when he caught Won-shik staring.  
  
"Smile Wonnie!" he cried, reaching over and pinching his cheeks playfully, "You're the birthday boy!"  
  
"Hyung-" he started.  
  
"Ah, Jae-hwan hyung! Your foot is in my face!" He sighed when Jae-hwan happily broke away to bother Sang-hyuk, too eager to run away when he knew what Won-shik was trying to say.  
  
Why couldn't he be honest with himself for once?  
  
They didn't do much; Jae-hwan just brought out his immense manhwa collection from under his bed, Sang-hyuk's eyes lighting up at the mere sight of them. Won-shik grabbed a couple and made his way over to the lone recliner, watching over the top of his book as Saet-byul asked Sang-hyuk what he was reading, the kid grinning from ear to ear as he let her sit next to him as he explained the story. He didn't pay them too much attention at first, looking over from time to time to see her resting her head against his shoulder as they read together, and if it wasn't for what she said earlier he would have thought she did accept his feelings.  
  
Jae-hwan, for all his bright antics earlier didn't read a single book, just sitting on the floor next to Won-shik with his knees drawn up under his chin, a content smile on his lips as he watched the two read.  
  
He doted on them, bringing them food when they were hungry and drinks when they were thirsty. Behind all the barbs and harsh words thrown out, he could tell Sang-hyuk really liked Jae-hwan, and by proxy Saet-byul liked him too. He wondered how much he had missed in his time away, wondering what it would have been like if he had stayed, hadn't run away at the first chance he got. He swallowed heavily as he watched Jae-hwan grin at one of Sang-hyuk's insults, the younger nudging him away with his foot.  
  
It wasn't until after they were forced to eat an abomination of a cake that Jae-hwan slapped together that he was finally able to corner him. He was cleaning the dishes, part of his agreement on staying so he wasn't completely freeloading, while Jae-hwan saw the two off. He could hear the longing in the other's voice as he wished them a safe trip, making sure to nag Sang-hyuk to walk Saet-byul home. He listened to the two of them bicker, Saet-byul's voice floating around in between, and the sound of the door shutting was loud against the silence that followed.  
  
Won-shik paused, looking up when there was no noise coming from the other room, wondering if Jae-hwan had gone out with them. He hurriedly finished up and ran out, stopping in surprise to see Jae-hwan staring sadly in front of the door, his shoulders drooping. He exhaled softly before making his way over, putting a hand on the other's shoulders.  
  
"Hyung?"  
  
Jae-hwan flinched under his touch before giving him another smile, and Won-shik wanted to wipe it off so badly. "W-Wonshik ah, did you finish up in the kitchen?"  
  
"Hyung...is it today?" At that, the smile fell away, Jae-hwan's head lowering as he gave a small nod. He inwardly berated himself for forgetting as he quickly enveloped the other in a crushing hug, feeling Jae-hwan shudder against him. "I told you not to think about that anymore, remember?"  
  
"I can't help it Won-shik ah," he whimpered, showing him a side of himself that he refused to show anyone else. Jae-hwan was determined to appear happy and carefree in front of everyone, never wanting anyone to see the side of him that was suffering endlessly. He was foolish like that. ”Today was the day they left me. I can't...I can't forget it."  
  
"Then remember today, remember Sang-hyuk and Saet-byul kind of getting together and reading manhwa on the couch. Remember that disgusting thing of a cake you made, and how we forced ourselves to eat it. Remember how happy you were today. Forget them, they don't deserve someone like you." Jae-hwan didn't respond, just letting out a shaky breath as he let Won-shik hold him, gratefully allowing himself to be comforted.  
  
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he eventually pulled away, wiping at his reddened eyes. "W-when did you get so mushy, Wonnie? You made me cry."  
  
"It's because you're so stupid in trying to hide this all by yourself you dolt," he laughed, knocking against the other's head. "While you don't have to tell them anything, I'm sure they'd understand if you let them see when you're upset."  
  
"No," Jae-hwan shook his head, going over to the couch and sprawling out across it. He pat his stomach invitingly, though Won-shik merely sat in the recliner. Jae-hwan pouted but didn't say anything, lying his head back and staring at the ceiling. "I...I like it when they're happy. When I make them laugh. Won-shik ah...they like me."  
  
"We all like you. You don't need to act to get them to like you."  
  
"No but...they might leave someday. You left me, were gone for three years. I don't want to be alone." By then Jae-hwan's voice was barely above a whisper, filled with things that Won-shik knew he would never fully understand. No matter how much he tried, he would never understand the utter helplessness Jae-hwan felt when he was alone. Despite how he hated his family and wished he could be rid of them, he grew up fairly loved.  
  
"Hyung...I won't leave again. I promise."  
  
"Saet-byul," Jae-hwan continued, ignoring his protests, "I don't want her to feel like this. I don't want her to feel like she was abandoned by her family. I know she'd rather I didn't, but I know how it feels and I don't want her to have to go through that. Does that make me a bad person?"  
  
His eyes softened, quietly making his way over and placing a hand over Jae-hwan's eyes, hiding the tears that were forming. "No," he said gently, tenderly wiping them away with his thumb. "It makes you a wonderful person."


	16. Chapter 16

Taek-woon couldn't believe it, sometimes didn't want to believe it. With each passing day the light in Hak-yeon's eyes returned, the warmth behind his smile reappearing. He knew the price for his recovery, knew that the only way for his friend to fully return would be to allow him to continue visiting Saet-byul. He was afraid every time he left the two alone, Saet-byul never wanting Taek-woon there, Joon-myeon's words echoing in his head. She was supposedly dangerous, could possibly hurt him...but when he would hear Hak-yeon's laugh or see his smile...he found himself agreeing again and again. And despite that, despite everything, there was something Taek-woon knew and held onto with relish.  
  
Hak-yeon was getting better.  
  
Today was one of his better days; he was laughing at something Hong-bin said as he folded laundry, patiently teaching Hong-bin how to fold one of his shirts.  
  
"Not like that, little Binnie," he chuckled, reaching over and shaking the clothing out, ignoring Hong-bin's devastated look. "You have to fold it like this." Hong-bin, determined to do well for Hak-yeon, furrowed his brow in concentration as he tried his best to copy the other's movements. His face lit up when he finished, Hak-yeon's string of praises causing him to beam proudly.  
  
"Look at you," Hak-yeon teased, hugging him close as he ruffled his hair. "Keep that up and you'll be folding all the laundry."  
  
"With Hak-yeon hyung?" Hong-bin asked tentatively.  
  
"Of course, where would I be without my little Binnie?" Hong-bin looked pleased with his answer, happily reaching out to try and fold one of Hak-yeon's shirts. Taek-woon was so engrossed in watching Hong-bin that he didn't notice Hak-yeon shift, blinking in surprise when he looked up to see Hak-yeon staring at him. The latter smiled, waving him over brightly. "What are you doing over there all by yourself Taek-woonie? You should help too!"  
  
"Help!" Hong-bin added, eyes still focused on folding.  
  
A small smile grew on Taek-woon's lips as he quietly got up from the couch, making sure not to make a sound as he made his way over. Very carefully, he settled next to Hak-yeon, hesitating for a second before deciding to sit just a little closer, letting their thighs touch. He watched the other carefully, holding his breath, waiting for Hak-yeon to scream and scramble away. Hak-yeon paused, his eyes looking down at their close proximity before he grinned again, reaching out and cupping Taek-woon's cheeks the way he always did to Hong-bin.  
  
"And how are you today hmm, Taek-woonie?" he asked, shaking his face and squishing his cheeks playfully. Taek-woon swallowed. He hated close skinship like this, would have abhorred anyone touching his face let alone  _squishing_  it; but this was Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon could do whatever he wanted and he would just be thankful to see it.  
  
He never answered, Hong-bin tugging on his sleeve and distracting him, allowing Taek-woon a chance to finally let out the breath he had been holding. He glanced over, taking this rare chance to get a look at Hak-yeon from up close. His skin was glowing; the other had been cleaning himself more and was more willing to eat. He was so thankful to see the shining tanned skin again, having gotten used to the greyed hue that had long taken over his friend. He was still thin, his cheekbones gaunt and his hands bony, but there was such a radiance around him that it was as if those were nonexistent.  
  
He looked  _good._  
  
"...wants to see you." He flinched to see both of them staring at him, realizing belatedly that Hak-yeon had been talking to him the entire time. He flushed, opening his mouth to say something when Hak-yeon tousled his hair, laughing. "Are you sleepy Taek-woonie? I was just saying that Saet-byul wanted to see you sometime, and wanted to invite you next time. But if you're sleepy I'll tell you later."  
  
God, he had forgotten how touchy Hak-yeon had been.  
  
He loved it.  
  
"When does she want to see you next?" he asked, his stomach fluttering when Hak-yeon starting petting his head in thought.  
  
"Hmm, sometime next week? I'm sure she'll call and let me know." He pinched his cheek, giving him a pat before going back to Hong-bin and the laundry. Slowly, his stomach still in knots, he reached up where Hak-yeon had pat his head, swallowing heavily. Hak-yeon...he...  
  
Both Hak-yeon and Hong-bin's head snapped up at the sound of loud voices outside his apartment, no doubt some partying students from his university walking by. They weren't usually too bad, only noisy on certain weekends, but- He turned to see Hak-yeon's eyes wide, the brightness faded as they were replaced with fear, his arms wrapped protectively around Hong-bin's shoulders. "Hak-yeon-" Taek-woon tried to reassure, one of the voices outside laughing right outside the door, and Hak-yeon flinched away, scrambling to take Hong-bin with him.  
  
"Hak-yeon, it's okay," he tried again, though Hak-yeon was beyond understanding, shooting out of the room and running into the bathroom. There were a couple crashes inside before everything grew silent. Taek-woon let out a haggard sigh, looking down to the piles of folded clothes that Hak-yeon had kicked away when he ran.  
  
Of course with every step forward, there were so many steps back; with every good day there was one just as bad. But there was no point dwelling on that, it best to focus on the good.  
Tentatively, Taek-woon reached up to his head again, imagining Hak-yeon's hand there along with his bright smile.  
  
 _What he would do just to see him smile like that_   _forever._  
  
\--  
  
Sang-hyuk wasn't sure he was fully okay with his situation with Saet-byul, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he felt his mind swirling on his way home from class. He wouldn't deny that he loved every second she willingly rested her head on his shoulder, how she would purposefully hold his hand and smile at him when he would look at her. He just didn't like the idea that she was forcing herself to do this because he had confessed, that she felt bad for his unrequited feelings and was doing this for him. That, and he didn't like the fact she was doing this when he knew that deep down, she was probably still thinking of Hak-yeon.  
  
But there were days like today when he liked to pretend that she really did it  _because_  of him, not for him.  
  
He was snapped out of his reverie when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he whirled around in surprise to find Jung Taek-woon staring down at him. He stared in shock for so long that Taek-woon seemed to get embarrassed, letting him go and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Sang-hyuk," he muttered quietly, and that was enough to calm Sang-hyuk's hammering heart.  
  
"H-hello," he mumbled back, finally standing up straight to match him in height. Taek-woon seemed momentarily taken aback at him being taller, which Sang-hyuk would admit filled him with immense satisfaction.  
  
"How are you?"  
  
Sang-hyuk blinked at the question, wondering if he was missing something. He and Taek-woon weren't close, hadn't seen each for years until the day he brought Hong-bin with him to see Saet-byul. Hell, even when they did know each other they didn't talk much, their only connection having been Saet-byul. Along with Taek-woon being attached to Hak-yeon and he Saet-byul, he couldn't imagine why the other would want to willingly come up and speak with him. He floundered for an answer, "I'm alright, I guess. But why...?"  
  
"You were very angry when we met last time," Taek-woon said without ever taking his eyes off him, his gaze slightly unnerving. "I wanted to make sure you weren't still upset."  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm still upset," he bit back, refusing to look him in the eye. "But I realize I was an ass. Saet-byul told me there was a 'reason' Hak-yeon left, so I guess I can't be too mad at him."  
  
Now it was Taek-woon's turn to be confused, his brow creased. "Saet-byul told you?"  
  
"She wouldn't tell me the reason, just said there was one."  
  
Taek-woon seemed to relax considerably at that, his face smoothing out until it was expressionless again. Sang-hyuk felt slightly weirded out by that. "So that's all she told you..."  
  
He felt his temper flare, his fists shaking as he tried to school his expression the best he could. "Wait, she told  _you?_  She kept this big secret that nearly killed her, but she went and told  _you?"_  He couldn't place the exact reason he was upset; in normal instances he would have been happy for her to have told anyone the things that ate away at her. But he couldn't help that he was pissed that it was  _Taek-woon_ that she had told first.  
  
Taek-woon didn't react to his shout, only shaking his head. "I only know by accident. I was never meant to know." His face softened, a small frown on his lips. "But it is not something you will want to know Sang-hyuk. If you truly love Saet-byul, you will not ask her."  
  
Sang-hyuk felt himself deflate, surprisingly not a bit upset at the condescending sounding words coming from the elder, able to feel the warning in the other's voice. There had always been the possibility that whatever it was she was hiding was something much bigger than he could imagine, remembering the way she had looked the day she stepped out of the hospital all those years ago. She had looked so small, so lost; yet she would not tell him what happened. When asked about Hak-yeon, she would only say that he was gone. He couldn't do anything for her, and had focused all that helplessness he felt towards her into anger towards Hak-yeon, anger at how he had left her so quickly. He had never once considered that there could actually be a legitimate reason as to his sudden departure. He swallowed, suddenly empty of the anger-filled adrenaline that had been coursing through him only seconds ago. "Is it...is it really that bad? Saet-byul had mentioned he wasn't well."  
  
Taek-woon sighed, his eyes finally leaving him as they looked down to the ground. "He has been getting better recently. But no...he is not well."  
  
Sang-hyuk felt his mouth dry. "Was that why he couldn't see her?"  
  
Taek-woon's eyes flashed before glaring at him, his next words harsh. "Do not talk lightly about this, Sang-hyuk. Hak-yeon has been suffering just as much as Saet-byul has."  
  
"I..." he stuttered, lost for words, "I didn't mean it like that." Taek-woon didn't reply, his face still contorted in what he could guess was anger; Sang-hyuk licked his lips. "I never knew he was sick. Saet-byul never said anything."  
  
"Saet-byul didn't know either."  
  
"Why-"  
  
"Hak-yeon didn't want anyone knowing." Taek-woon's face slipped back into the passive expression he always held, looking up to the sky. It was then that Sang-hyuk was able to see how tired the other looked, everything about him seeming exhausted. It made him seem more human. "Hak-yeon didn't want anyone to see him the way he was."  
  
He felt sick. "What...what happened to him?"  
  
Taek-woon shook his head. "It is not my place to tell you. Maybe one day, Hak-yeon will be comfortable enough to speak of it. But for now you will have to wait."  
  
"Then..." he licked his lips again, feeling his mouth go dry with every passing second. "Would you tell him I'm sorry? I didn't...I didn't know..."  
  
Taek-woon smiled, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. "He wouldn't be angry with you. If anything, he would probably be ecstatic to hear how much you did to help Saet-byul." Sang-hyuk flushed, remembering Saet-byul telling him of all the times Hak-yeon had teased her about him, and how much he had supported the idea of their relationship. He wished he knew all this earlier, so he wouldn't have this overwhelming feeling that he was an ass hanging over his head. It made him feel terrible.  
  
Taek-woon seemed to note his mood, switching topics. "Are you already in university?"  
  
Sang-hyuk grinned, more than happy to be away from that topic. "Just started this year."  
  
"You must be very smart-" Taek-woon was cut off by a ring from his pocket that had him scrambling in worry, and Sang-hyuk wondered who could be calling that would have someone as composed as Taek-woon panicking like this. He watched as Taek-woon put the phone to his ear without checking, his normally quiet voice sharp with concern. "Hak-yeon? What's wrong?"  
  
Sang-hyuk felt his body stiffen as the name rolled off Taek-woon's tongue, only hearing bits and pieces of a muffled voice on the other end. "What happened? Where are you now?" Whatever was said was enough to get Taek-woon to turn around right then and there without giving Sang-hyuk even a goodbye, nearly running down the street. Sang-hyuk was not far behind him; he still had guilt coursing through him with the revelations that Hak-yeon had been sick, and if something had happened to him, he wanted to make sure he was okay.  
  
It was the least he could do.  
  
"Is Hong-bin with you?" Taek-woon continued to ask into the phone, sending Sang-hyuk a quick glance but too preoccupied to do anything about. "Okay, don't move. I'll be there as soon as I can. Be careful, okay?"  
  
There was silence on the other end for a while before Taek-woon nodded his head, his eyes so gentle as he spoke. Sang-hyuk noticed that he'd only ever seen any emotion on Taek-woon's face when he spoke of Hak-yeon. "Alright, I won't hang up. I'll be right here."  
  
Taek-woon glanced at him, his mouth a firm line. "Sang-hyuk is with me. Do you want to see him?" Sang-hyuk blinked, startled that he would even mention him when only just a little while ago he had been talking about how much he hated him. But it seemed to do the trick, Taek-woon repeating Sang-hyuk's name multiple times and promising him that he will be there. He felt his stomach sink at the way Taek-woon spoke into the phone, as if talking to a child, and he wondered how bad the other could possibly be.  
  
His question was answered after almost a half hour of half running, half jogging down the side of the street, a large apartment complex coming into view. Taek-woon didn't wait to give him any instructions before running to the front door, moving around the front steps to where a bunch of brush had been planted for decoration. Pushing aside blossoming branches, Taek-woon knelt down to where two people were hunched over in a pile of melting snow. At the sound of Taek-woon's gentle prodding, the two looked up and Sang-hyuk felt his breath get caught in his throat, a cold sweat breaking over his skin.  
  
There was  _Hak-_ _yeon_ _,_  clinging onto Hong-bin with his face buried into his shoulder, tears in his eyes as he jumped onto Taek-woon the moment the other whispered his name. There was  _Hak-_ _yeon_ _,_  shaking and shuddering in Taek-woon's embrace as he cried, his cries a string of unintelligible words.  
  
"I can't Taek-woon," Hak-yeon cried after a few minutes, his words finally starting to make sense. "It's all my fault. I took him away from him.  _I_  took him away."  
  
Taek-woon shushed him, pulling his face away and wiping his tears. "It's not your fault. You  
didn't know." Hak-yeon hiccupped, shaking his head slightly when Taek-woon's eyes narrowed, the two engaged in a silent conversation with neither having to say anything to be understood. It was in that instance that Sang-hyuk felt like such an outsider, feeling almost like a voyeur at watching something that was clearly meant to be between the two of them alone.  
  
Whatever they said to each other worked, Hak-yeon finally calming down as his breathing slowed, and it was then that he finally noticed Sang-hyuk. His eyes lit up, breaking away from Taek-woon as he made his way over.  
  
Sang-hyuk trembled under Hak-yeon's gaze; he was too thin, his eyes so clouded. Hak-yeon put his hands on his shoulders and Sang-hyuk was acutely aware of how each bone jutted out under his skin, his skin looking almost paper thin as it stretched painfully over every muscle. He looked so  _sick._  Didn't...didn't Taek-woon say he was getting better?  
  
"Look at you, little Hyukkie," Hak-yeon whispered, his cold hands running over Sang-hyuk's face and through his hair. "You have gotten taller."  
  
"I-I...yeah..."  
  
Hak-yeon didn't seem to notice his stutter, a wide smile growing on his lips. "You've gotten so handsome. I'm proud of you."  
  
And then he was gone, going back to Hong-bin and hugging the other who looked so happy to be back in his embrace. Taek-woon sent him a knowing look when the two weren't looking, and Sang-hyuk swallowed.  
  
He didn't know what happened, had unfairly blamed Hak-yeon this entire time. Saet-byul had said she wanted to help him get better, and as he watched Taek-woon quietly herd the two back inside, he decided. He would help too- he would help his hyung get better.


	17. Chapter 17

_*This chapter happens during the events of the last chapter, when Taek-woon and Sang-hyuk met_

* * *

 

"Come on Hong-bin," Hak-yeon urged sweetly, rubbing circles in Hong-bin's back as he helped him take his first step out of the apartment. Hak-yeon hadn't been sure how cold or warm it was outside so he bundled them up just in case, the two of them more prone to the cold due to their thin bodies. Hong-bin clung onto him, fear written all over his face as he took another step despite every part of him screaming to run back inside. Hak-yeon gave him a kiss on the head and that was enough motivation, Hong-bin finally stepping out enough for Hak-yeon to close the door behind him. "Good job," he praised, and Binnie beamed.   
  
Hak-yeon had never felt so free, the shackles that had been pressing so heavily onto his body lifting little by little every day. Every day he woke up with a little more mobility, his mind clearing so he was able to think beyond running and hiding. He was elated, having long since resigned himself to being chained to his body as little more than a doll; he was ecstatic to be returning to normal. But more than that, more than  _anything,_  he was excited to finally be able to help Taek-woon, to repay him for all the kindness and patience he had given him.   
  
His little Taek-woonie had been taking such good care of him, and now it was his turn to take care of him.   
  
He glanced down at the shopping list in his hand before stuffing it in his pocket, linking his arm with Hong-bin's. "We're going to do some shopping for Taek-woonie," he said as he pat the other's hand reassuringly, Hong-bin sending worried glances in every direction as he clung onto Hak-yeon's arm. "Taek-woon will be so proud of you for doing something so big," he added, and that got Hong-bin's attention again, the other's fidgeting pausing as his lip trembled.   
  
"Taek-woon hyung will like it?"  
  
"Of course! I'm sure he'll give you a  _big_  hug and thank you when he sees it."   
  
A ghost of a smile grew on Hong-bin's lips, shaking his head as he scrunched his face up playfully. "Taek-woon hyung doesn't like hugs. He wouldn't hug Bin. Bin doesn't want!"   
  
"You know you do," he snickered, poking Hong-bin in the side and causing the other to break into a fit of giggles. "I bet you secretly like hugging him more than me. I've seen you all over him.” Hong-bin opened his mouth to protest when the supermarket came into view, all traces of mirth vanishing as he clung tightly onto Hak-yeon's arm again. Hak-yeon was quick to comfort him while struggling to hide his own anxiety, not having stepped out into something so crowded on his own in years. He had always had Taek-woon to do things for him, to allow him to cowardly hide away.  
  
Hak-yeon was ready to step out and be his own man again, to no longer rely on anyone again.   
  
“It's okay Binnie," he soothed, swallowing away his own fears as he took small steps inside. He was very aware of every brush and touch from people passing by, every one of their voices loud and ringing in his ears. His hold on Hong-bin's hand tightened, taking deep breaths as he shakily grabbed a basket. "Binnie," he said, rambling to keep his mind off how the guy next to him stepped on his foot in an attempt to grab a basket, "why don't you hold this? Can you do that for hyung?"  
  
While he was managing to keep his anxiety controlled, Hong-bin was a ball of nerves, trembling and crying every time someone touched him. Hak-yeon needed to keep him distracted.   
  
"Here, hold it like this." He forced one of Hong-bin's hands off of his arm, placing it on the basket handle. "There, just like that. Good Binnie." Hong-bin's one hand on Hak-yeon's arm tightened, shaking so badly that Hak-yeon felt his whole arm start to shake. "It's alright Binnie, I'm right here. Remember hyung is right here."  
  
"Taek-woon hyung..." Hong-bin whimpered, his eyes locked ahead at the crowded supermarket, "Taek-woon hyung will be proud of Bin?"  
  
"He will be very proud," Hak-yeon reassured, and Hong-bin's shaking stopped.   
  
"Okay..." he whispered, pressing himself close to Hak-yeon as they both slowly stepped inside. He immediately headed towards the fresh vegetables, that area far less crowded than others, his clammy hand reaching into his pocket for the shopping list. They made their way over to the back of the stands, each clinging desperately onto to each other, when a man shoved past Hong-bin, effectively ripping him away from Hak-yeon.  
  
He panicked.   
  
"H-Hak-yeon hyung!" he cried out, scrambling over and lunging onto Hak-yeon, people in the vicinity all turning to stare at them. Hak-yeon paid them no attention as he soothed Hong-bin the best he could, running his hand over his cheek tenderly. "Hak-yeon hyung...Hak-yeon h-hyung..."  
  
"Hyung is here," he soothed, pulling him away from everyone. "Here, we'll stay back here until-"  
  
"Cha Hak-yeon?" They both nearly jumped out of their skins at the new voice, Hak-yeon whirling around to stare at a high-schooler. He frowned, wondering how someone as young as this boy was able to know him without any sort of violent reaction following. He was sure he didn't know this boy, his body seemed sure he didn't know this boy, and yet the boy was staring at him with such a wide, bright smile that he felt like he should know him. He could feel Hong-bin press himself into his back and he coughed.   
  
"Do...do I know you?"  
  
"You're Cha Hak-yeon, right?" the boy asked, barreling ahead as he stepped forward. Both he and Hong-bin stuttered a few steps back at his advance and the boy took note, hesitating. "...right?"  
  
"I-I'm Cha Hak-yeon,“ he stammered, his heart hammering as he felt his skin grow damp with sweat. This wasn't supposed to happen- this was supposed to be a quick trip to the supermarket for Taek-woon. He wasn't supposed to meet anyone. He wanted to run home, to hide away-  
  
No, he was getting better. He wasn't going to hide anymore.   
  
"I'm Cha Hak-yeon, who are you?"  
  
The boy's bright smile returned, his eyes crinkling happily. "I knew it was you! I heard someone say your name and knew right away."  
  
Hak-yeon pursed his lips.  _"Who_   _are_   _you?"_  
  
"Ah," the boy's cheeks flushed, "my name's Jeon Jung-kook." He paused, as if waiting to see if Hak-yeon remembered and deflating when it was clear he didn't. "I was friends with Seok-jin hyung."   
  
Hak-yeon didn't realize his legs had given out from under him until he blinked to see the high schooler's face right in front of him, both his and Hong-bin's hands holding him tight. Jung-kook looked terrified as he helped him stand up, worry clear on his face as he held his hands up.   
  
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you or anything."  
  
"That..." Hak-yeon felt his mouth was incredibly dry, his body shaking as he stared at the boy. He...he was Seok-jin's...he was Seok-jin's  _friend_... His baby brother who he missed terribly each and every day; this boy was his baby brother's  _friend_. He felt Hong-bin shift beside him, peeking around him.   
  
"Seok-jin?" Hong-bin asked sheepishly. Jung-kook looked surprised that he spoke before nodding, a hint of a smile on his lips.   
  
"Yeah. I used to hang out with Seok-jin hyung and the others a lot. I visited his house once or twice, but I guess you wouldn't remember that...hyung would hide me from you."  
  
"Others...?" Hak-yeon whispered, suddenly remembering clear as day the gang that Seok-jin hung out with running up to him, screaming that Seok-jin had entered the creepy house at the end of the street and hadn't come out. He remembered that it was because of them that Seok-jin always got in fights, always came home late, worried their mother, worried their family, sent him in that house _\- they were the reason Seok-jin had been turned into a doll._  He shoved Hong-bin behind him as he stood at his full height, watching as Jung-kook immediately shrunk back.   
  
"You...it was all your fault. It was all because of you. If Seok-jin had just stayed away like I told him to, if he had just  _listened to me-"_  
  
"W-what's my fault? I don't understand-"  
  
_"It's your fault he died!"_  
  
Jung-kook's mouth dropped as Hong-bin let out a sob next to him, tears already blurring Hak-yeon's eyes. He let out a shaky breath, suddenly exhausted, when Jung-kook's face hardened as he reached forward and grabbed Hak-yeon's wrist in a vice-like grip, dragging him away. Hong-bin yelped but only followed, too afraid to do anything as they quickly left the supermarket. They stopped when they came by a small park, Jung-kook throwing his arm away as he turned to glare at him.  
  
There were tears in his eyes.  
  
"What do you mean..." he whispered, looking as if every word hurt him, "what do you mean hyung is dead?"  
  
"Seok-jin," Hak-yeon hissed back, feeling Hong-bin's hold on his hand tightening until it went numb, "died in that house. Because of your dare, Seok-jin was kidnapped and killed. Because of you...I...I..." He felt his chest tightening, every fiber of his being screaming at him to run away, to escape. He was barely aware of Hong-bin holding him, of Jung-kook's own tears as he heaved painfully. The raw memories of Seok-jin holding onto his hand, him promising his baby brother that everything will be okay were seared in his mind, he had never been able to forget; it had been his fault.  
  
It had all been his fault.  
  
No matter how much he blamed others, pointed fingers and cried, he will always have been the one that killed Seok-jin.  
  
Jung-kook, the smart child, seemed to realize he wasn't actually blaming him, wiping his tears fiercely as met his gaze. "We...we had always been worried about what happened to Seok-jin hyung. No one ever told us what happened to him."  
  
"He died," Hak-yeon croaked. "He died years ago."  
  
"That dare," Jung-kook's voice was just as unsteady as Hak-yeon's, sniffling noisily, "wasn't meant to be anything. We were just- just playing. We knew Seok-jin hyung was scared of ghosts, so we dared him to go in. W-we didn't think he'd actually go in..." Jung-kook slowly wrapped his arms around himself, face scrunching up as if in an attempt to not cry, and Hak-yeon found himself pulling the younger into a tight hug. It didn't take long for the boy to fall against him, his tears wetting the front of Hak-yeon's jacket.  
  
"We didn't come find you at first because Seok-jin hyung would have been mad," Jung-kook continued, refusing to look at him. "But when he didn't come out we got scared and went to find you. B-but then you went missing, and no one ever said anything and..." his voice trailed off as it dissolved into sobs, and Hak-yeon silently began to run his hand through his hair to calm him down.  
  
This child...he didn't need to know about the dolls. He didn't need to know that Seok-jin had been locked in the basement against his will, attached to a doll that ultimately killed him. He didn't need to know what their harmless prank had caused, what it had brought on. He could already see, could  _feel_ , the pain radiating off the other. "I moved to Seoul after I was set free," he said gently, continuing to pat his head, "because I couldn't go home. Seok-jinnie...I blamed you and your gang for what happened to him and didn't even think of telling you. I'm sorry."  
  
  
"We weren't really a gang," Jung-kook said quietly as they sat down under a tree, disregarding that the thawing snow was soaking their clothes. Hong-bin clung onto Hak-yeon's arm as Jung-kook spoke, finding great interest in the boy who claimed to have been close to Seok-jin. "We were just really close friends. Seok-jin and Nam-joon hyung were best friends, and they took care of us almost like family." Jung-kook grabbed a stick and started to trace patterns into the snow, sniffling.  
  
"We never really liked fighting. There were some of us who came from bad families, and hyung fought to help them. Once, when I got beaten up by my cousin, Seok-jin hyung and the others all came to save me, and beat my cousin so bad he hasn't touched me since." There was a wistful smile on the boy's face, his eyes full of melancholy. "Seok-jin hyung would always protect me."  
  
"Did," Hak-yeon's voice cracked, his fingers shaking, "did Seok-jinnie...with the others...?"  
  
Jung-kook nodded. "We were like a family and all took care of each other. Tae-hyung hyung and I were bullied in school, and Seok-jin hyung would always come to beat them up." He paused, twirling the stick between his fingers sadly. "Seok-jin hyung was always ready to fight if one of us got hurt. It's why..." His eyes widened as he quickly clamped his mouth shut, and Hak-yeon found himself floundering for him to continue, desperate to hear the side of his baby brother that he never heard. Seok-jin had always kept this side of himself hidden from Hak-yeon and their mother, refused to tell either of them what he did outside of the house.  
  
Hak-yeon felt a surge of jealousy run through him; this boy was able to see the side that Hak-yeon had only dreamed Seok-jin would show him.  
  
"Why what?" he snapped, a little harsher than he had meant to, though Jung-kook didn't seem to notice, his eyes trailing down.  
  
"It's why hyung hated you so much." Hak-yeon felt like a bucket of cold ice had been dumped on him, his whole body chilling to the core. He...he had always had a feeling that Seok-jin had hated him to a degree, knew from how Seok-jin would avoid him or flat out announce how much disdain he held for him. But he never would have thought it would have been like that, for Jung-kook to easily tell him without so much as a hint of hesitation in his voice.  
  
Jung-kook winced after glancing at his face. "I didn't mean it like that. Seok-jin hyung always said he hated you, but none of us really believed him. He...always talked about you."  
  
"...did he?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Jung-kook nodded. "We always joked that we knew more about you than we did ourselves. He always complained about you. He complained about how you nagged too much, or tried following him, or lectured him about how to be a better son."  Hak-yeon scratched the back of his head as he remembered doing all that and more, remembering how he had tried desperately to get his brother to stay safe at home. Jung-kook smiled at him, poking him with the stick. "Even though he talked bad about you all the time, no one was ever allowed to say anything about you. One guy insulted you once and we had to drag Seok-jin hyung off before he killed him."  
  
"H-he...Seok-jinnie did that?"  
  
"Seok-jin hyung wasn't actually a good fighter, most of the time he would jump in there and we would have to help him out. Nam-joon hyung would always get angry at him for trying to fight when he only ended up getting beat up. But then Seok-jin hyung would get angry at him for yelling, so then Nam-joon hyung would treat us all to dinner to make him feel better." Hak-yeon watched how Jung-kook's face lit up as he retold the story, saw how happy the memory made him, swallowing heavily.  
  
"Most of the time we did stupid things like playing in abandoned buildings or hang out around the ice-cream parlor. Seok-jin hyung liked ice-cream."  
  
_"Where were you last night? Don't tell me you were hanging out with those good-for-nothings again?"_  
  
_"Fuck off hyung. I can hang out with whoever I want."_  
  
"We mostly got our reputation because Yoon-gi hyung would bring a bat to our fights. He would always end it, so we became known as hard fighters."  
  
_"Seok-jin ah, will you stop getting into fights? Don't you realize how much Mom is worried about you? Stop hanging out with them!"_  
  
"Seok-jin hyung liked cooking, when he was in a good mood he would cook us food. No one ever made me food at home, so I always loved Seok-jin hyung's cooking."  
  
_"Are you stealing food from the fridge? What's happening to you Seok-jin? Don't you realize what they're doing to you? What they're turning you into?"_  
  
Jung-kook's smile turned bittersweet. "Nam-joon hyung feels terrible cause he was the one that dared Seok-jin hyung to go in the haunted house. He's been waiting the most, though I guess...I guess I should..."  
  
"I'm sorry," Hak-yeon gasped, his hands trembling. "It's...it's not your fault. It's mine."  
  
Jung-kook quickly shook his head as he shifted, hands shooting out to reassure him but pulling back at the last second. That hesitation was too much for Hak-yeon, he scrambled away as he cradled his head in his hands, his whole body shaking. He could hear Hong-bin saying something to him but at this point he could nothing over his own cries, the images of Seok-jin burning to death refusing to leave his eyes.  
  
Seok-jin had been loved; this boy here had obviously loved his brother and Seok-jin had loved them back. Hak-yeon had single-handedly ripped away Seok-jin from these boys, had blamed them for the pain that he alone had caused. They had been suffering from guilt that was not theirs to bear, guilt that he had shoved onto them.  
  
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'm sorry for blaming you. It was mine, all my fault. I-"  
  
"Stop it," Jung-kook cried, shaking his head. "We heard about what happened, we were there when that woman was arrested. We didn't- didn't know that hyung died, but we heard about what kind of things she did there. She's the monster, she's the one who killed hyung and did those things. You didn't do anything."  
  
No, he didn't know. She hadn't even been in the same room. It was the one thing she had been falsely accused of; he and Saet-byul had been the ones to take the doll apart. He had been the one to tell Saet-byul yes, she wouldn't have done it if he didn't say yes. Hong-bin repeated Jung-kook's words as he hugged him, and Hak-yeon shuddered. His Binnie didn't know either, didn't know who was the one who had taken Seok-jin away.  
  
It had been him and him alone.  
  
"None of us would blame you," Jung-kook continued. "You went through all of that just for hyung. Seok-jin hyung wouldn't blame you either, he knew how much you loved him. We all did."  
  
"You sweet child," Hak-yeon whispered, reaching out and holding the hand Jung-kook offered to him. He took a deep breath, steadying himself before sending the other a shaky smile. "You...how are you and the others? Did you move away?"  
  
Jung-kook's eyes never left their hands. "Everyone graduated, though I'm still in high school. Nam-joon hyung moved to Seoul, to get away from...er, he moved to Seoul a couple years ago. I was visiting him when I heard someone call your name. I recognized your name, any of us would, and...here you are."  
  
"Do you all...do you all still see each other?" He felt a new wave of tears flood his eyes at the hesitant look on the other's face. He couldn't imagine what Seok-jin would think if his friends stopped seeing each other out of guilt, and he couldn't imagine what Seok-jin would think of  _him_  that he allowed them to have that guilt in the first place.   
  
"We try and see each other from time to time, but after Nam-joon hyung moved away, we had a hard time getting together. Seok-jin hyung had always been the one to get us together, and when he was gone..."  
  
"You should still see each other," he gasped, pleading. "Seok-jin wouldn't want you to stop seeing each other just because of him. Please."  
  
"Nam-joon hyung will be so hurt," Jung-kook whimpered. "I'm not sure if it would be good to tell him. I'm...I'm afraid at what hyung would do."  
  
"You should stay together. You have no idea what seeing people who understand your pain will do. There would be no better comfort." At that, Hong-bin snuggled closer to him, and Hak-yeon kissed his head. Jung-kook watched them sadly, his fingers bunching up his school blazer absentmindedly before he asked quietly,  
  
"Where is hyung now? I think...I think we would want to visit him."  
  
Hak-yeon's heart sank. "They were never able to find him after..."  _after he burned to death, "_ so they weren't able to give him a proper burial. But I was told they put a memorial for him outside the house. I've...never been able to see it myself. You should go, though. All of you. He would like it." Jung-kook nodded, a forced smile on his lips as he glanced down at his watch and jumped to his feet.   
  
"I was on my way to grab some groceries for Nam-joon hyung, he's not very good about making sure to eat. It...it was nice meeting you, Cha Hak-yeon." Hak-yeon smiled, his eyes roving over the younger boy's face as he committed to memory the boy that his younger brother had so deeply cared for. Jeon Jung-kook; he wouldn't forget him. "I'll make sure to visit Seok-jin hyung...and I'll try and bring the others. Will you go?"  
  
He inhaled sharply as the other's words pierced his heart, his lip trembling as he tried to keep a straight face. "I don't think I could ever go back. Not to where..." he trailed off, his heart racing. "Please visit him for me."   
  
"I will."   
  
  
It wasn't until a good hour had passed after Jung-kook left that either of them stirred, and Hak-yeon wobbled just as terribly as the first time he stood up. Hong-bin helped steady himself, and as he glanced at his Binnie's face he felt the sobs and tears that he'd been suppressing break through, and he clung selfishly onto Hong-bin as he cried. He was selfish, utterly selfish; Hong-bin had loved Seok-jin, possibly more than he loved Hak-yeon, yet he didn't know. All because Hak-yeon was too afraid to see the look of betrayal and hurt to cross his Binnie's face, because Hak-yeon was too much of a  _coward._  He didn't think he would be able to hold up the fragile glue that kept himself together if Hong-bin left him.   
  
"It's okay, Hak-yeon hyung," Hong-bin reassured, awkwardly patting his back in the way Taek-woon would do to them. "Don't cry." Hak-yeon stopped mid-cry when he felt a hand rake through his hair, and glanced up to see Hong-bin staring determinedly as he ran his hand through Hak-yeon's hair. When he saw he stopped crying, Hong-bin cupped Hak-yeon's cheeks in his hands, smiling.   
  
"Hak-yeon hyung is very beautiful."  
  
He froze, face still in his hands as he gaped. "Binnie? I-"  
  
"Yoon Saet-byul says that about you. Bin can too, right?"   
  
"O-of course," he whispered, sniffling at how pure his little Bin was as he cupped the younger's face in his own hands, the two standing their holding each other's faces. He couldn't lose Hong-bin. He  _couldn't._  
  
"Let's go home Hong-bin," he rushed, suddenly wanting to run home and bury himself away. This was too painful, everything was painful. He would do this another day; he'd try again later. Just not now.  
  
Hong-bin frowned, his fingernails pressing into Hak-yeon's cheeks. "But, for Taek-woon hyung-"  
  
"We'll do it later, we'll surprise him another day. Binnie, hyung wants to go home. I want to go home."  
  
"Okay," Hong-bin agreed easily, pulling away and shoving his hands in Hak-yeon's coat pockets. "Go home, let's go home."   
  
Hak-yeon didn't waste any time, nearly running as he went straight back to Taek-woon's apartment, his shaking hands scrambling to pull the keys Taek-woon had given him out of his pockets. Keys-- he didn't have them. No, he forgot them. They were on the kitchen table, he remembered putting them there. It had been so long since he left the apartment on his own that he didn't even think of bringing them. They reached the front of the apartment complex, neither having a way to get inside.   
  
Hong-bin watched Hak-yeon panic, gasping as he fruitlessly searched through his pockets to get inside. He was useless; he was little more than a burden to his Taek-woonie who couldn't even go out without doing something wrong. He was struggling so hard to speak and do even basic things; why was it him that lived, that was freed? What had Seok-jinnie done to be the one punished, the one that died?  
  
Hong-bin reached into his pocket and pulled out their cell phone, holding it out for him. "Taek-woon hyung. Taek-woon hyung will help."  
  
He complied, only because he didn't want to keep thinking these painful thoughts.   
  
Taek-woon's voice was incredibly soothing, just the sound able to calm him, even if only a little. Taek-woon...Seok-jin would have liked Taek-woon. Taek-woon probably would have been a little shy at first, but he would like him too. He should have snuck Seok-jin out more, maybe brought him out to Seoul one day. He should have fought more.   
  
Taek-woon kept talking, saying how Sang-hyuk was coming to see him too. Seok-jin would have liked Sang-hyuk too. He probably wouldn't have liked that Sang-hyuk liked Saet-byul, but he would probably only have teased him. They would have gotten along well. Hak-yeon imagined what it would have been like if Seok-jin had been with them the day they had all gone to the park, to the days when they would wander around the city. Seok-jin had always wanted to visit Seoul.   
  
He nearly threw himself into Taek-woon's arms when the other's reassuring presence finally appeared next to him, crushing him close and wishing to never let go.   
  
Would Taek-woon stay with him too? Would he stay if he knew that he killed his baby brother?  
  
Would anyone?


	18. Chapter 18

"You made it!" she cried happily as she jumped on N in a large hug, ecstatic when his hands slowly wrapped around her waist. Hong-bin made a growling noise behind him, but stayed back when Taek-woon placed a silent hand on his shoulder. She grinned excitedly as she pulled away, looking up to N's face. "The others are coming, just like I promised. It's going to be so much fun! I cooked food and..." she trailed off when she noticed the lack of concentration in N's eyes; despite appearing to be staring at her with his hands on her hips, he wasn't there. "N?"  
  
Taek-woon stepped forward, clearing his throat. "He hasn't been well the past few days. Be careful."  
  
She frowned, looking back to N to see how pale he was, his eyes sad and eyebrows furrowed slightly. She reached up and tenderly pushed his bangs from his face, her fingers lingering. "What happened?"  
  
Taek-woon shook his head. "I'm not sure, he won't say. Just be careful." She begrudgingly stepped back as Taek-woon went about and helped Hong-bin take off his outer clothes, N only needing slight help with the buttons of his coat. While N was talking with her more now, having met with him for almost a month now, he still preferred Taek-woon over her. She didn't like it, but if there was anyone she would trust to take care of N until he came back to her, it would be Taek-woon.  
  
She took their clothes and set them aside, tugging on N's arm brightly. "Come into the kitchen, I'm almost finished with dinner." She didn't like not knowing what was bothering N, didn't like that instead of coming to her for comfort, he turned to Hong-bin instead, the other boy sitting on his lap. She tried not to blatantly glare at them as she went into the kitchen, knowing N would be upset with her. He didn't like her being mean to Hong-bin.  
  
She didn't like Hong-bin.  
  
Her fingers tightened every time she looked over to see Hong-bin pressing himself against N's chest, his head resting on his shoulder. That was how N was supposed to hold  _her_ , how he cuddled  _her_  when they used to lay in bed together. N was hers; she had let him leave once and it had nearly killed her to be away from him so long. Now that he was back, willingly coming back to her, she was not about to let someone like  _Hong-bin_  take him away again.  
  
He was  _her_  doll.  
  
She glanced over to Taek-woon to see him watching them with a smile, feeling slightly betrayed that he was alright with them hanging over each other like that. She knew he wasn't comfortable with her anymore, could see it in the way he would shy away whenever she stepped too close or how he would sometimes tug N away when she spoke. He was scared of her, didn't want her to be near them because he thought she was dangerous. She wouldn't lie that it didn't hurt, she had really liked Taek-woon. But she didn't like that he would rather let N be with Hong-bin over her.  
  
She really didn't like Hong-bin.  
  
She was so busy watching them, her fingers around the knife in her hand twitching, she didn't notice Taek-woon look over at her, his eyes widening in alarm. "Saet-byul, your food-!"  
  
She gasped when the meat on the stove began to smoke, hurrying over and dumping the entire pan in the sink.  
  
By the time Jae-hwan, Hyuk, and Won-shik arrived, they had already ordered takeout to replace the food she had ruined, her head hung in shame. She had invited everyone over, per N's request to meet her friends, to cook for them, and of course she had somehow messed it up. N had given her a quick pat on the head for reassurance, though she felt just as terrible when he went back to Hong-bin.  
  
The atmosphere was awkward as the three stepped into the room, their eyes immediately looking to N and Hong-bin. Taek-woon looked ready to intervene if anyone said anything, when Hyuk waved slightly. "Hi Hak-yeon hyung," he said quietly, to which N smiled happily in response. She blinked in shock to see  _Hyuk_  of all people speaking so kindly to N, but it seemed she was the only one, the others all smiling and laughing as they sat down. Hyuk sat down next to her, and she smiled that at least one person wasn't afraid of her.  
  
"Did you guys all dye your hair the same color?" Jae-hwan asked loudly as he sat across from Taek-woon, grinning madly when Taek-woon's whole face colored. She looked up in surprise to see that, indeed, they had all recently dyed their hair the dark auburn color that N had done to match hers. She wondered how she could have missed that, looking down at her own fading hair and realizing she should recolor it soon to match. She always wanted the same color hair as N. "That's so cute!"  
  
"Hak-yeon wanted to color my hair," Taek-woon bit out, looking down embarrassedly when N pat his head lovingly. Jae-hwan's grin only widened as he turned to Won-shik, slapping his chest excitedly.  
  
"That looks like fun, we should try that Wonnie! What color would I look good in?" He squished his face in his hands in an attempt to get Won-shik to laugh, though it only ended with the other shoving him away.  
  
"You should just shave everything off," Won-shik grumbled, his lip upturned as he watched N, the latter ignoring him purposefully. N had never forgiven Won-shik for how he had treated her, and while Won-shik begged her to explain he wasn't that bad, she never made any attempt to reconcile them. N hating him, even if it was small, was a part of the old N-  _her_  N. She held onto that desperately.  
  
Jae-hwan's face twisted into one of abject horror at Won-shik's suggestion, hurriedly scooting away and sidling up to Hyuk instead. However, when he attempted to pull the other in for a sympathy hug, he ended up getting a hand in his face and a hard shove away.  
  
"I still haven't forgiven you for making me confess," he grumbled, missing how N's face lit up, shifting Hong-bin to the side so he could lean in.  
  
"Hyukkie," he said, his voice raising in a slight lilt that got everyone's attention, the room falling silent as they watched the excited smile that grew on his face. She found herself mesmerized at the sight; she loved that smile, could stare at it all day. "You confessed? Did you really?"  
  
Hyuk's entire face reddened as he instinctively pulled back, trying to look anywhere but at N. "I-er, maybe..."  
  
"I'm proud of you," he said happily, reaching over her to pat Hyuk on the head, and she stared at the touch in veiled jealousy. "I've been hoping you would get the courage to confess. What did Saet-byul say?" She broke away from staring at N's hand on Hyuk's head to see everyone looking at her and she felt her heart race, swallowing at the sight of N waiting for her answer.  
  
"I-I..."  
  
"She said no," Hyuk said simply, and everyone winced while N turned to give her an accusing glare.  
  
"You said no?" She saw Hyuk fidget awkwardly next to her, and she cringed when she hesitated in answering. She couldn't help her feelings, had always made it clear to N that she loved him and only wanted to love him. But that didn't mean she was okay with saying that in front of Hyukkie. She didn't want to hurt him. Her lack of response only seemed to infuriate N, his brow furrowing angrily. "I already told you many times Saet-byul, I can't and I won't. You know exactly why."  
  
"It's not fair," she snapped back, her patience wearing thin despite a small part of the back of her mind appalled that she was harsh with N at all. "You always say no to me. Why? Are you secretly in love with Hong-bin? Is that it?" N's eyes widened in hurt, his hold on an equally shocked Hong-bin loosening as the room went deathly silent.  
  
"H-hyung loves me," Hong-bin stuttered out, confused behind the subtle context of the conversation. While everyone began to awkwardly squirm, unsure what to do as she reared back in silent regret and N pulling back in pain, the doorbell rang. Taek-woon took that moment to step in, his voice firm.  
  
"You should go get that, Saet-byul." She glanced at N to see him turn away from her, and she opened her mouth to say she wanted to stay. He cut her off, his eyes hard. "Go, Saet-byul." Hyuk nudged her, motioning silently with his head to go. She stole one last glance at N before hurrying to the door, taking the food from the delivery man and wasting no time running back to the kitchen. She stopped briefly at the doorway to see Taek-woon holding N carefully in his arms, both him and Jae-hwan saying encouraging words to cheer him up. Even Won-shik looked concerned.  
  
She bit her lip; she hadn't meant to say such harsh words to him, regretted it with every fiber of her being. She wanted to make it up to him-- her eyes brightened as she quickly ran in and placed the boxes of fried chicken on the table, effectively getting everyone's attention again. N wouldn't look at her.  
  
"Here, you can start eating, I'll be right back."  
  
It was a few minutes before she returned to the kitchen with her arms locked tightly around another, excitement brimming as she ran inside. Everyone looked up at her, already a whole box of chicken gone. "Everyone, I want you to meet my big brother, Jung-hoon."  
  
\--  
  
Bin didn't understand. He didn't understand why Hak-yeon looked hurt when Saet-byul asked if he was in love with him. Bin loved Hak-yeon a lot; a lot a lot a lot-- Hak-yeon loved Bin too, right? And then when Taek-woon went to hug Hak-yeon to make him feel better, he moved Bin into Saet-byul's chair and out of Hak-yeon's lap. He didn't like being away from Hak-yeon, didn't like that Saet-byul had been the one to make Hak-yeon sad, but no one paid attention to him. Concerned and confused, he reached over and held Hak-yeon's hand.  
  
Hak-yeon's hand tightened as he gave Bin a small smile.  
  
No, Hak-yeon loved Bin very much. He knew. He was just hurt because it was Saet-byul...right?  
  
Yes.  
  
Hak-yeon loved him.  
  
He had just started eating, Taek-woon handing him a piece of chicken, when Saet-byul came back with someone else. His eyes narrowed when she said it to be her brother. Everyone was very quiet, Hak-yeon stiffening next to him, as she brought her brother to sit down across from Bin. He frowned, his fingers squeezing the chicken agitatedly.  
  
Something was wrong. Something about her brother felt familiar, too familiar, his chest tightening uncomfortably at the sight of him. Bin didn't recognize him, but something was very wrong. He glanced over to Hak-yeon to see if he noticed, though Hak-yeon only looked angry as he glared at her brother. He fidgeted; he didn't like this feeling, the familiarity was unsettling and reminded him terribly of the basement. He didn't like this, didn't like it at all.  
  
Saet-byul nudged her brother excitedly, her hands refusing to leave his arm. "This is N," she said, pointing to Hak-yeon. "You've heard me talk about N before, remember?" He nodded slightly, his eyes running over all of them before stopping on Bin. Bin stared back, wondering why his eyes seemed familiar. He scooted closer to Hak-yeon, immediately relaxing when Hak-yeon finally hugged him again. Saet-byul continued. "These are my friends, you remember me talking about them, right?"  
  
He nodded again, and Jae-hwan spoke first, his voice carefully low. "Hello, Saet-byul's brother. It's the first time meeting you."  
  
Her brother made a move to say something when Saet-byul held him back, her smile waning. "He can't speak." They looked back to him to see her brother give a small nod, though he looked very unhappy. "But he's wanted to meet you, so I brought him out. He's usually busy, so it's perfect that he's here when we all decided to meet." She reached out and grabbed a piece of chicken, her smile bright as she placed it in his hands.  
  
"Saet-byul," Taek-woon said slowly, "your brother...is he-?"  
  
"Don't worry," she reassured, "nothing's wrong. I only brought him out to meet you guys. Right?" She looked over to her brother who nodded weakly, carefully lifting the chicken to his mouth when she stared at him. She paused when she saw them all staring at her, gesturing back to the food. "Eat!"  
  
Everyone tried ignoring Saet-byul's brother, though Hak-yeon and Taek-woon wouldn't stop staring at him. Even when Bin tugged on Hak-yeon's arm to look at him, Hak-yeon wouldn't stop staring. He didn't understand, only understood that this man made him uncomfortable and Hak-yeon upset.  
  
Saet-byul kept talking about Hak-yeon to her brother, kept talking about how great Hak-yeon was and how he should try to be like him. Bin sniffed, sucking on the chicken bone in his fingers; even if he didn't like her, she was right. Hak-yeon was amazing. Though there was no way he could be as amazing as Hak-yeon. No one could. She kept talking and talking, and Bin didn't want to listen to her. He tugged on Hak-yeon's sleeve again, wanting to see his hyung's smile to tell him everything was okay, when Hak-yeon quickly shoved him away without even looking at Bin.  
  
Bin felt a part of him break at being so easily shoved away, and a whimper from him was able to get Taek-woon's attention. Taek-woon glanced briefly at Hak-yeon before reaching over and petting his head, mouthing something comforting at him before turning back to Saet-byul.  
  
Why? Why was Hak-yeon angry at Bin? Did Bin do something wrong? Was Saet-byul right? Was Hak-yeon ashamed of Bin, was that why he was hurt when she asked? Was it because Bin always wanted hugs? Was it because Bin wasn't like Taek-woon, wasn't strong and quiet? He loved loved loved Hak-yeon, loved him so so much. But if Hak-yeon didn't love Bin...did he not like Bin's love?  
  
At this point he had chewed the chicken bone in half, and he jumped when it was suddenly pulled out of his mouth, looking over to see Jae-hwan wiping his fingers with a smile. "You shouldn't eat bones," he admonished gently. "There's plenty here, go ahead and eat more." He gestured something quickly, and the boy next to him, ...something Hyuk..., handed him another chicken piece. He hesitated; he wasn't sure he liked him, he remembered how he had yelled at Taek-woon that one time and said mean things about Hak-yeon. He instinctively turned to Hak-yeon, though he hesitated from saying anything.  
  
Hak-yeon looked over at him, smiling as he ran a hand through his hair. "Go ahead Binnie, Hyukkie won't hurt you." Bin felt weird; he didn't feel happy at Hak-yeon's touch, his stomach twisting as he watched his hyung, confused. Shying away from the other, he turned back to Hyuk to take the food, missing Hak-yeon's shocked expression.  
  
"You're Hong-bin, right?" Jae-hwan asked brightly, waving his hands excitedly when Bin tried looking at Hak-yeon again. He hesitated before nodding slowly, and Jae-hwan smiled.  
  
Bin smiled back.  
  
He liked Jae-hwan.  
  
"You're friends with Hak-yeon, right?" Again he nodded, though the word 'friend' made him pause. That was a word Taek-woon's mother had tried teaching him a long time ago, and he still wasn't sure he understood. From what he could understand, he didn't think Hak-yeon was his friend. "Do you want to be our friend too? I promise Wonnie here is not scary at all!" Jae-hwan grabbed the man next to him, and Bin recognized him from the movie.  
  
"Don't just grab me like that," Won-shik mumbled, though he made no move to break away. "I won't blame you if you find  _this_  one scary." He gestured to Jae-hwan with a finger, and the noise Jae-hwan made made Bin laugh.  
  
"I promise I'm not! Right Hyukkie?" Bin looked over to Hyuk to see his whole face scrunch up.  
  
"No, but just your face might be enough."  
  
"What? My face is beautiful! You're just jealous! Right Hong-binnie?" Bin flinched when Jae-hwan leaned in, cupping his face in his hands and puffing his cheeks out. When he didn't answer Jae-hwan pulled away, grinning. "See? Hong-bin agrees with me. You're just jealous. Now  _this_  one has a scary face." He slapped his hands loudly on Won-shik's cheeks, rubbing his face this way and that while making cooing noises. It made Bin laugh.  
  
For a second, Bin was able to forget Hak-yeon and the weird feeling in his stomach.  
  
  
Saet-byul insisted on walking home with them, ignoring Taek-woon telling her she should stay, hanging off Hak-yeon's arm and refusing to let Bin anywhere near him. Bin tried to get his attention, but Hak-yeon didn't do anything to push her off, only sending him a little smile before going back to Saet-byul. Bin didn't want Hak-yeon back with Saet-byul-- he'll become like Chun-pyeo. He didn't want Hak-yeon to become that. But Taek-woon and Hak-yeon were convinced that they had to, and now Hak-yeon was starting to only pay attention to Saet-byul again.  
  
He followed behind them sadly, Jae-hwan had left a while ago with Won-shik and it made Bin feel lonely; he looked up when Taek-woon silently pulled him into his side. He smiled. Taek-woon was always by Bin's side, always felt safe.  
  
They were almost home when they heard voices screaming their names, voices that Bin would recognize anywhere and anytime. He would never be able to forget those voices, forget the sounds of them echoing in his ears as they screamed ear-piercing screams.  
  
"I fucking  _knew_  it!" the voice screamed shrilly, catching everyone's attention as a small blur shot out at them. "I fucking knew not to trust you and your lying ass! I can't believe Joon-myeon hyung actually believed you and let you go. I can't believe we  _trusted_  you-"  
  
"Baek-hyun hyung!" he cried happily, breaking away from a startled Taek-woon's hold as he jumped into Baek-hyun's arms, stopping the other mid-rant. Baek-hyun took a second to regain his bearings before his livid eyes looked up at him, the anger disappearing almost instantly as he grinned excitedly. He slapped his hands on Bin's arms, shaking him as he looked him up and down.  
  
"Is this Binnie?" he asked, turning him this way and that that made Bin feel so happy inside. He hadn't seen his hyungs in so long, he liked seeing their faces. It was still strange to see Baek-hyun's face so bright and happy when he'd only ever seen it in pain or sick. Baek-hyun laughed, slapping his chest playfully and backtracking quickly when he flinched. "Look at you, you've gotten so tall, taller than me!"  
"Baek-hyun! Goddammit, slow down!" Bin perked up at the voice, looking over to see Chan-yeol running over.  
  
"Chan-yeol hyung!" It didn't take Chan-yeol as long to recognize him, engulfing him in a tight hug as soon as he was in front of him. Bin was laughing; he missed his hyungs, was so happy to see them looking so good. A part of him wondered why Hak-yeon didn't look as good as them, and he wondered if it was because he only had Bin to keep him company.  
  
"God, it's so nice to see you Binnie," Chan-yeol said, ruffling his hair. "You've definitely grown, who would've thought little Bin would be bigger than all of you guys."  
  
"I'm not as big as Taek-woon hyung," he added helpfully, and Chan-yeol just laughed as he pat his shoulder. He paused, the questions inside him brimming at the sight of Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol. "Is Joon-myeon hyung with you? Bin wants to see Joon-myeon hyung."  
  
"Ah, he's inside," Baek-hyun said while pointing to a little building down the road, taking a moment before growing angry again and whirling back to Taek-woon. "Stop Bin, don't distract me! We came here because that ass over there fucking  _lied-"_  
  
"Watch your mouth Baek-hyun," Hak-yeon said dangerously, and Baek-hyun stopped for only a second before shouting again.  
  
"Your friend there promised us that he would keep you away from Saet-byul, and yet here you are, having that  _thing,"_  he gestured disgustedly at Saet-byul who had shrunk behind Hak-yeon's back, "hanging all over you. We told him how dangerous it was and-"  
  
"Taek-woon knows." Both Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol froze, eyes darting to Taek-woon in a fear that Bin wished he could convince them otherwise of. Taek-woon wasn't scary, Bin knew, he was very safe and comfortable and he wanted them to know that. They shied away, and Taek-woon looked at them guiltily. Hak-yeon continued speaking, his eyes fixed on the ground, and Bin wished he would look at him, just once. He never knew how much he missed Hak-yeon's eyes. "I was sick, and the only way to get better was to see Saet-byul."  
  
"That's not it," Chan-yeol hissed, his hands shaking as he wiped them nervously down his face. "Hak-yeon...she's not safe. It's dangerous-"  
  
“Stop it," Hak-yeon interrupted quietly, sighing. "I don't like it anymore than you-"  
  
"N..." Saet-byul whimpered, her eyes wide as she stared at Hak-yeon in disbelief. Bin  _hated_  when Saet-byul called Hak-yeon 'N'; Hak-yeon wasn't a doll anymore, his name was beautiful. Not that he wanted Saet-byul ever saying it-- that was dangerous. Hak-yeon raised his hand up to stroke her cheek when Baek-hyun shot out and shoved her away, using Hak-yeon's surprise to yank him away.  
  
"Don't you see?" he asked, Chan-yeol pulling Bin back and the two holding them tightly, "She's already made a doll. You can see it in her eyes, she's one of them now." Hak-yeon immediately stopped struggling as he looked to Saet-byul in horror, and she looked ready to cry as she shook her head.  
  
"Don't believe them N! I-I...I didn't!"  
  
"Saet-byul..." Hak-yeon whispered, his voice back to the low and tired voice he always spoke at home, "You...have you?" She shook her head but Hak-yeon stepped away, and she froze as if slapped. But when Baek-hyun made a move to take Hak-yeon away, she leapt forward and grabbed Hak-yeon's arm, her eyes hard as she tried to pull him back.  
  
"Stop! You can't touch him; he's my doll!" Baek-hyun's eyes flashed as he roughly shoved her away again, growling out,  
  
"Take your hands off of him. You have no right to touch him; he's not yours, nor will he ever be."  
  
"I...I...I shouldn't have...I..." Hak-yeon choked out, and both Bin and Taek-woon realized what was happening before it happened, Bin shooting out of Chan-yeol's arms to grab a hold of Hak-yeon before he fell to the ground, Hak-yeon gasping as he grasped onto the back of Bin's coat. Hak-yeon only wanted Bin when this happened, would only go to Taek-woon after Bin hugged him.  
  
He was so focused on Hak-yeon and calming him down that he jumped when he felt hands on his back, hearing Chan-yeol's voice in his ear, "Let's get him inside." He wanted to slap Chan-yeol's hands away; nobody should be allowed to touch Hak-yeon, wanting to keep his hyung close and safe until he was okay again. But he could tell Hak-yeon was cold, his hands shaking as they held onto Bin, so he let Chan-yeol help him up. He could barely see Baek-hyun shouting at Taek-woon and Saet-byul on the ground crying, but he couldn't be bothered at the moment to check on them.  
  
Hak-yeon was more important.  
  
He could vaguely hear another voice ask something but he didn't look to see who it was. Hak-yeon was starting to breathe normally again, looking around curiously as he blinked sleepily at Bin. "Binnie...?" he whispered, stumbling.  
  
"Bin is here Hak-yeon hyung,” he reassured, and Hak-yeon nodded absentmindedly, holding Bin closer.  
  
"Here, lay him down here. We'll figure out what to do when he wakes up." Bin didn't say anything as he lay Hak-yeon on the bed, laying down next to him and resting his head on Hak-yeon's chest. He didn't know if Hak-yeon really loved him or not, but right now he needed him, and Bin would always be there when Hak-yeon needed him.  
  
\--  
  
 _He watched them, the group of boys that she had invited over sitting so close yet so far away._   _He felt so utterly helpless, able to see his freedom so close yet unable to even open his mouth to plead for help. He felt chained in his own body; he couldn't move his arms without being helped, couldn't even turn his head unless allowed. His eyes were the only thing that were entirely his, and he used them to look around and hope that someone would notice._  
  
 _One did,_   _and he groaned inwardly that it was the mental kid. He probably wouldn't be able to do anything for himself, let alone for him. The one kid, 'N'; that was all he ever heard day in and day out, told every second of every hour about how he amazing he was, how he could never be like him and he should lay in regret for hurting him. He wasn't sure how hitting Saet-byul ever amounted to hurting that kid, but whatever happened, it had pissed her off._   _But that N kid stared at him too, his eyes never leaving him even when Saet-byul tried talking with him._  
  
 _The mental kid was staring at him again, and he hurriedly glanced over at Saet-byul to see her preoccupied with 'N'._   _Seeing_   _this as his chance, he struggled to lift his hand, every_   _second pure agony as he fought against an invisible string that_   _seemed to_   _hold him in place. His hand was barely over the tabletop when he felt his hand freeze suddenly, and his eyes darted over to see Saet-byul glaring at him, the doll he had come to dread seeing held firmly in her lap._  
  
 _Very slowly, he felt his hand move back down in his lap, his hands clasping together and the nails digging painfully into his palms. He snuck a glance over at her to see her eyes had never left him, the pure hatred practically radiating off her as she drug her fingers over the doll's arms and stomach._  
  
 _His skin felt like it was being ripped apart, his flesh being peeled_   _away_   _in increasingly painful agony. His voice had been silenced and his mouth glued shut;_   _no matter how much he wanted to scream, to cry, to_  beg,  _he couldn't. Tears pricked his eyes at the pain, Saet-byul jabbing the doll's stomach one last time before tossing it under the table. He breathed heavily as the pain receded immediately, blinking away the tears as Saet-byul turned back to her friends without missing a beat. She smiled and laughed at something one of them said, and he realized_ _bleakly_   _that not one of them had seen._


	19. Chapter 19

_She pulled desperately at her hair, her chest so tight she could barely breathe as she burst through the front door, stumbling around and nearly falling over the table next to her. They...they took him away. They took him away. She gasped as she fell onto the couch, panting loudly as she tried to take in breaths that she just couldn't seem to get enough of._  
  
 _Not hers. Not hers._  
  
 _They said he wasn't hers. She couldn't have him._  
  
 _They took him away._  
  
 _She rolled onto her back as she clawed at her face, moving down and clawing painfully at her chest, desperate to stop whatever was making it so difficult to breathe. She was crying, could feel the tears run down her smarting cheeks. All she wanted was N, it wasn't much. She just wanted him by her side again and love her like he did before. It hadn't been a hard or terrible wish. She didn't even want to use his doll to get him to come back, wanted him to come back on his own._  
  
 _She screamed in pain and regretted it immediately, feeling as if she coughed out the last bit of air in her lungs. Her head pounded terribly and she palmed her eyes, wishing for everything to stop. She wished N was here, to hold her and kiss away all her pain. She was sure if he was here everything would be fine. Nothing could be wrong if N was with her._  
  
 _Why wouldn't they let her be with him?_  
  
 _She wasn't going to hurt him._  
  
 _She just wanted him back._  
  
 _She just wanted him to love her._  
  
 _Why didn't he love her?_  
  
 _She treated him so well._  
  
 _She rolled onto her side, feeling her chest open up just slightly, and she gasped as hard and as fast as she_ _could. Each breath hurt so much._  
  
 _She hadn't been asking much. Just N._  
  
 _But those other dolls took him away. They took him into their home and locked the door, shoved her and yelled at her to leave. They wouldn't even let Taek-woon in, had left the two of them outside. Even Taek-woon left her, didn't say anything to her as he eventually went home. Even Taek-woon was scared of her. She hadn't done anything. She hadn't done anything! Yet those other dolls accused her, pointed at her, demanded her stay away._  
  
 _‘Kill them.'_  
  
 _Almost immediately the bindings on her chest released and she gasped painfully, each gasp of air nearly ripping apart her burning lungs. She spluttered, dry heaving, her eyes wide as she looked around for where the voice had come from._  
  
 _'Kill them.'_  
  
 _'Kill them. Kill them kill them kill them kill them.'_  
  
 _She looked everywhere for the voice, her heart beating frantically as it repeated over and over and over again._   _The room was empty, Jung-hoon still in the kitchen watching her with a look of contempt-- she fell off the couch and got up on her hands and knees, glaring right back at him._  
  
 _'Kill them kill them kill them kill them kill them kill them kill them kill them kill them kill HIM.'_  
  
 _It was all his fault; if Jung-hoon hadn't hit her, hadn't beat her, N wouldn't have been hurt. Then N wouldn't have thought she had been hurting him. Then N wouldn't have left her. Then they wouldn't have taken him away. She struggled to her feet, swaying as she stumbled towards him, her eyes never leaving his face._  
  
 _"It's all your fault," she hissed, and the mantra of 'Kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him' ran through her head. She bent down and picked up his doll off the floor, glaring at it in hopes that just her eyes would be enough to destroy it. Jung-hoon was looking at her in fear now, his eyes wide, and it made her laugh. She slammed the doll onto the table, frowning when he didn't make a sound, and annoyingly wiped her finger across its mouth._  
  
 _Jung-hoon screamed in pain, and just the sound was enough to silence the voices in her head. "Why did you hit me? Why did you do that to me? Why did I let you?" She smashed the doll again and again on the table, crying louder when his pain filled her with only more hatred. She had let him, had let him beat her because she had thought of it as her punishment. She was being punished for what happened to N-- why else would he have left her?_  
  
 _But then that had been hurting N._  
  
 _She wouldn't forgive anyone who hurt N._  
  
 _She pounded her fist on the doll's head, and Jung-hoon cried out again, his hands still frozen in his lap. She untied his doll, and he fell to the ground in pain, clutching his head._  
  
 _'Kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill-'_  
  
 _"Stop!" she screamed, throwing the doll away_   _and scrambling backwards until she ran into the wall, falling to the ground and pressing her palms to her forehead. What was she doing? Dolls...she hated dolls. She didn't want anything to do with them, only wanted N._   _She didn't even want to use his doll to get him to come back, wanted him to come back on his own._   _What would N think if he saw her now, saw her using the doll to torture someone? She wasn't her mother, she wasn’t._  
  
 _'You have to kill them. They took him from you. Kill them.'_  
  
 _'It's the only way.'_  
  
 _'How dare they take away what is yours. Punish them.'_  
  
 _'Punish them.'_  
  
 _'Kill them.'_  
  
 _She cried out as she ran to her room, jumping onto her bed and wrapping herself in her blankets, hoping it would block out the voices. But they only grew louder, telling her to punish the dolls that took N away. Had condemned her for things she hadn't done, who felt they were the ones who could determine whether she could be with her own doll or not. They acted like she was going to hurt him, as if she would torture him like her mother. She wasn't her mother!_  
  
 _"Stop it!" she cried again, clawing at her head in desperation. "Leave me alone!"_  
  
 _'Punish them!'_  
  
 _'Kill them!'_  
  
 _She screamed as she shot out of her bed, running to her closet and ripping the door open, throwing everything inside away haphazardly. She only stopped when a small chest appeared, her hands pausing over the lock before ripping it open. The voices cried even louder, screaming to punish, to kill, to kill kill kill kill kill kill-- she reached inside and grabbed handfuls of dolls out, tossing them to the ground until there was a pile in the middle of her room._  
  
 _She didn't know whose was whose; only knew that these were her mother's dolls. They had given them to her-- the police. They didn't know what kind of evidence they had given her, didn't think they were important. They never knew about the dolls, only thought her mother tortured them for fun. Didn't realize what they had given her. She grabbed one random doll, taking a pencil off her desk and ramming it into its stomach._  
  
 _The voices squealed in delight, telling her to do it again. Again again again again again again again again again-- she stabbed it over and over, crying tearfully. She just wanted the voices to stop. She grabbed another doll, stabbing it in the same way, and she continued to stab doll after doll._  
  
 _"Stop! Just stop!" she bawled, taking one of the dolls and slamming it to the ground as hard as she could. The soft fluff of the doll's head smushed under her fingers, the material of the cloth rough against her skin. She flipped it over so its eyes were staring at her; they were clear, only the heart was blood-stained. It wasn't a special doll._  
  
 _It wasn't N._  
  
 _She took her pencil and stabbed it as hard as she could, dragging it down until it tore through the cloth, the stuffing inside jumping out as if it had been bursting at the seams. The voices grew even louder, laughing and goading her on; she dug her fingers into the stuffing and ripped it apart, tore it until the stuffing lay out messily at her knees. She screamed as she tore the arms and legs off, stabbing into its_ _eyes and ripping them apart._  
  
 _'Stop it! Stop it Yoon Saet-byul!'_  
  
 _She jerked away at the voice, dropping the pencil in shock, panting as she stared down at the remnants of the doll. It was unrecognizable now, the only thing looking up at her being a part of its stitched smile. It was smiling at her. Her hands flew to her mouth when she realized what she had done-- she had killed this doll. Whoever it was, she had killed him. She crawled away, huddled in the corner with her eyes locked on the torn pieces of cloth._  
  
 _She killed him._  
  
 _Her hands dug into her hair as she heaved, the weight of what she had done pressing down on her painfully._  
  
 _How could she look at N now? What would N think?_  
  
 _But the voices had stopped, and that was all that mattered to her._


	20. Chapter 20

The first thing Hak-yeon saw when he opened his eyes was a large crack in the ceiling, and his heart raced as he panicked. There was no crack anywhere in Taek-woon's apartment, Taek-woon wouldn't have let that happen. He looked around frantically to try and figure out where he was, his frown deepening when he saw an unfamiliar desk and cabinet across the room, a sparse amount of books strewn across the top. He moved to get up and felt a heavy weight on his arm, and he turned around and let out a small breath of relief.  
  
Laying back down carefully so as not to wake him up, he reached over and tenderly brushed a few loose strands of hair out of Binnie's eyes, kissing his forehead. Hong-bin shifted, his face scrunching up before blinking his eyes open. "Good morning Binnie," Hak-yeon whispered lovingly, waiting to see the cute smile Hong-bin would always give him. Instead, Hong-bin's smile turned down in a frown, the other hurriedly sitting up and moving so there was a good distance between the two.   
  
Hak-yeon shot up with him, worry in his eyes as he tried to take Hong-bin's hand in his own. "Binnie-"  
  
"Hong-bin."   
  
Hak-yeon's eyes widened, trying to discern what was wrong, scanning Binnie's tight, drawn face. What was wrong? Hong-bin had always hated when Hak-yeon called him Hong-bin, only happy when he called him by the pet name Binnie. He blinked, wondering when he started referring to him as 'Hong-bin' in his mind, though there was no time to think of that. "What do you mean Binnie? What's wrong?"  
  
"You...you call Taek-woon hyung 'Taek-woon'...right?"  
  
"Y-yes...but-"  
  
"Then call Bin 'Hong-bin' now. 'Binnie'...I'm strong too. Bi-  _I_  am strong.  _I_  want to be called 'Hong-bin'."  
  
Hak-yeon quickly crawled over and cupped Hong-bin's face in his hands, desperate to figure out what was wrong with his little Binnie. Memories of yesterday were hazy, vaguely remembering visiting Saet-byul and seeing her brother, them walking home with her, of seeing Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol again...had something happened to hurt his Binnie? Hong-bin pushed his hands away, a flicker of guilt crossing his face before he scrunched up again, slapping his hands on the bed for emphasis.   
  
" _I_  am not...not a baby. I'm strong. Bin-  _I_  don't need Hak-yeon hyung to watch me.  _I'm_  strong like Taek-woon hyung."  
  
"You  _are_  strong Binnie," he agreed hastily, pushing Hong-bin's hair out of his eyes, starting to grow seriously worried when he pushed his hands away again. "You're very, very strong, and Hak-yeon hyung is very proud of you. Very proud."  
  
"No, you don't love Bin," Hong-bin snapped, his tough façade fading as his face crumbled, tears collecting at the tips of his eyelashes. Hak-yeon blinked in surprise, confused as to what would ever have made his little Binnie think he didn't love him. He loved his little Bin, would do anything for him to make sure he was always safe and happy. It was the least he deserved, and he would make sure Hong-bin was always smiling. Hak-yeon tried to wipe the other's tears away but Hong-bin slapped his hands, crying.   
  
"Hak-yeon hyung doesn't love Bin. Bi-  _I_  know. I saw. You pushed Bin away. Pushed away."  
  
"When-?" Hak-yeon froze, his fingers curling as he remembered shoving Hong-bin away at Saet-byul's, how he had refused to look at what would have been Hong-bin's crushed look. He remembered how Hong-bin had avoided him after that, moving to play with Jae-hwan instead.   
  
"You...Hak-yeon hyung is ashamed of me. Hak-yeon hyung was hurt when Saet-byul said you love Bin. Because-- because Bin is not like Taek-woon hyung. Because Bin isn't strong. B-but-- but Bin--  _I_  am strong-"  
  
"Oh Binnie," he whispered as he gathered Hong-bin in a tight hug, crushing him to his chest and holding him tight so he wouldn't be able to push him away again. He ran his hand through his hair and shushed him sweetly until he stopped struggling, kissing his head again and again until a soft moan escaped Hong-bin's lips. "My sweet little Binnie," he said gently, loosening a bit so he could look into his Binnie's eyes, wiping the tears that ran down his cheeks and reddened his eyes. "I love you so much, why wouldn't I love you?"  
  
"B-but..." Hong-bin looked so lost, so confused, and Hak-yeon kissed his nose and eyes.   
  
"I'm hurt that you would even think for a second that I don't love you."  
  
"B-but when...when Saet-byul said-"  
  
"Saet-byul was trying to say hurtful things to you, I was hurt because she said such things about my Binnie." He kissed his head again and he could feel Hong-bin starting to relax. He continued, making sure that he continued to run reassuring hands over his cheeks, nose, eyes, hair-- he wouldn't stop reassuring even for a second. "She was trying to hurt my Binnie and I didn't want you to be hurt. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I didn't mean to make you sad."  
  
"I...I was so confused...thought you didn't love Bin..."  
  
"Don't ever think that," he whispered, tucking Hong-bin's head under his chin and patting his back softly. "Know that your Hak-yeon hyung will always love his Binnie."  
  
"Hak-yeon hyung...Hak-yeon hyung loves Bin..." Hong-bin whispered back, now fully relaxed as he pressed himself close against Hak-yeon.   
  
"Yes," he said, kissing him again. "Now...do you want me to still call you 'Hong-bin'?"  
  
He could feel Hong-bin tense for a second before he nodded, a small one albeit a nod all the same. Hak-yeon looked down in surprise.   
  
"Really?"  
  
"Like Taek-woon hyung. I want hyung to call me like he calls Taek-woon hyung."  
  
Hak-yeon hesitated, wondering if this was what he truly wanted or if he was still influenced by his earlier fear. But he would never go against anything Hong-bin wanted, and he nodded along with him. "Alright, I will call my Binnie 'Hong-bin' from now on." Hong-bin smiled, and the two sat still in each other's arms, fully content.   
  
\--  
  
“Where are we?" he asked Hong-bin quietly, opening the door tentatively and sticking his head out, Hong-bin latched onto his arm.   
  
"With Joon-myeon hyung," Hong-bin replied just as quietly as they crept down the stairs, gaining a view of the main room to see one of them huddled around a makeshift bed of couches, at least four of them sprawled out unconscious. The one sitting watch turned at the noise they made, smiling weakly at them.   
  
"Hello Hak-yeon, Binnie," he said, and Hak-yeon racked his brain to try and remember who he was. He hadn't expected to ever see them again, hadn't really wanted to see them again, and hadn't made an effort to try and remember them. The other waved them over, and with hesitant steps he and Hong-bin joined him in watching over the sleeping ones.   
  
He frowned.   
  
They looked like they were in a great deal of pain, their faces contorted into deep grimaces as they shivered horribly, some of them with bandages wrapped around their arms or chests. A blanket had been draped over them to keep them warm, though it seemed to not do much good as they huddled close together. Hong-bin looked horrified, growing weak in the knees, and Hak-yeon was barely able to catch him before he fell to the floor.   
  
"Hong-bin?" he asked worriedly, both he and the other man held him up as they pulled a chair over, Hong-bin collapsing into it without ever taking his eyes off the sleeping men. Hak-yeon tried distracting him with kisses, to get him to look away. "Hong-binnie, look at me. Please look at me."   
  
His pleading voice was enough, Hong-bin tearing his eyes away to stare into Hak-yeon's eyes, absentmindedly letting Hak-yeon take his hands and intertwine their fingers. "Punished..." he muttered, his voice so distant. "They were punished, Hak-yeon hyung. Bin...I was bad... _she_  punished because I was bad. I-"  
  
"No, you've been a very good boy," he cut in before Hong-bin started panicking, making sure his voice was firm. "But who punished them? It couldn't have been Saet-byul's mother."   
  
"Saet-byul did it." Both their heads turned to the still forgotten man next to them, his mouth drawn in a firm line as he reached down to hold the hand of one of the sleeping ones. "It happened right after Baek-hyun hyung and Chan-yeol hyung took you in. She's the only one who could be in possession of the dolls and would know to use them to hurt us."  
  
"Saet-byul doesn't like dolls," Hak-yeon reasoned, just as firm in his answer. Saet-byul might have done a lot of questionable things lately in regards to him and Hong-bin, but he knew his little Byullie. She hated dolls, especially after what had happened with Seok-jin, and she would never take someone else's doll to purposefully and maliciously hurt them. That wasn't his Byullie. "No matter how upset she is, she wouldn't hurt anyone."  
  
"Then who else would do it?" he snapped back, lips pulled back in a snarl. "Eun-ji's still in prison and nobody else knows about the dolls. Unless your pretty boy back there did it."   
  
Hak-yeon shot to his feet, seeing red as he reigned in his emotions the best he could, and even then it was just barely. "Don't you  _dare_ insult Taek-woon," he snarled, his hands shaking. "He only knows because Saet-byul  _told_  him, and even then he is accepting of what we are and what she's done to us. You try and insult him again and I will  _kill_  you." Hong-bin whimpered at his tone of voice, tugging on his hand, but it was another voice that stopped him.  
  
"That's enough Jong-in." Hak-yeon turned around to see Joon-myeon, the only one he remembered, hobble over to them, his hands clutching his crutches tightly. Hak-yeon looked on sadly; it hurt to think that his leg hadn't healed. He still remembered how terribly destroyed his leg had been. Joon-myeon sent Hak-yeon a soft smile and ruffled Hong-bin's hair, and even then there was an aura of melancholy surrounding him. "I'm sorry Hak-yeon. Jong-in's just upset. It's always hard watching others being hurt."  
  
"When did this happen...?" he asked softly, glancing down when one of them moaned, a hand hovering over his eye that was bandaged. He didn't want to know what his eye looked like now.   
  
"It happened about an hour after we took you in. You had a panic attack when you ran into Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol, and Chan-yeol brought you inside. They wouldn't let anyone in, and about an hour later Kyung-soo started screaming. It..." Joon-myeon took a moment to collect himself, blinking rapidly as if to stop himself from tearing up, "it was just like back then, when she would torture our dolls. Except it was different."  
  
"Different?"  
  
"She didn't torture just one doll, she crushed all of them. Jong-in and I...we watched as every one of them started screaming, their bodies twisting in ways they shouldn't... This shouldn’t be happening anymore. We're supposed to be free." Joon-myeon ran a hand down his face, his shoulders shaking. "We're supposed to be free..."   
  
Hong-bin reached up and took Joon-myeon's hand silently in his, and Joon-myeon sent him a grateful smile.   
  
"H...Hak-yeon..." one of the ones on the makeshift bed croaked, and all their heads snapped down. It was the one with only one good eye, that wide eye blinking slowly as it looked around everywhere before landing on Hak-yeon. He rolled slightly before moaning loudly, and Jong-in was by his side in seconds. "Hak-yeon...hurt....you? Did..." his voice trailed off as his eye shut in pain, and Jong-in shushed him quietly.   
  
"N-no," Hak-yeon muttered quietly, biting his lip. "I wasn't hurt."   
  
"That's good," Baek-hyun murmured next to him, eyes still closed. "...weren't hurt...good."   
  
"We should leave them alone to rest," Joon-myeon whispered softly, patting Hong-bin's shoulder quietly. Jong-in made no move to get up, his hand still holding the one-eyed one's hand, and Joon-myeon left him alone as he led Hak-yeon and Hong-bin into the kitchen. He gestured for them to sit at the table, and Hong-bin didn't waste any time jumping into Hak-yeon's lap. Joon-myeon watched them with a smile, sitting across from them and letting out a sigh of relief as he placed his crutches on the floor.   
  
"Binnie really loves you," he observed, his voice light, and Hak-yeon responded by wrapping his arms around Hong-bin's waist. Joon-myeon nodded, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry about Baek-hyun. He's never been happy with you and Hong-bin living with your friend, and the moment he saw you with Saet-byul he flipped. If I hadn't been asleep I wouldn't have let him or Chan-yeol take you."  
  
"Did they say anything to Taek-woon?" he asked, wondering what they could have said that Taek-woon would have willingly left. He wondered if his Taek-woonie was okay; he was in the apartment all alone. He hated leaving his Taek-woonie alone.   
  
"I'm not sure. By the time I was awake you were already inside and he was gone. It's still early, later you can call him." Hak-yeon nodded absentmindedly, Hong-bin picking at the sleeve of Hak-yeon's sweater, when Joon-myeon suddenly spoke again. "How are you though? Taek-woon said you had been really sick."  
  
"I was sick, I've been better since meeting Saet-byul. I know they were upset that I had been meeting her, but it's been helping me. I'm able to speak freely now. I can move on my own." Joon-myeon nodded understandingly, and Hak-yeon was grateful. "I'm not meeting her because I miss her terribly or for her benefit; I know my meeting her is confusing her."  
  
"None of us know Saet-byul the way you do, so we can only show concern for things we do know. There is a chance that she isn't behind this, and she's nothing like Eun-ji. We can never know. But being down in the basement and seeing the things we've seen, we can't help but be paranoid and afraid. We'll always be afraid of Saet-byul because of that chance."  
  
"Your fear is making it worse," Hak-yeon whispered back. "Every time someone tells her she can't be with me, whether it's me or someone else, she gets more possessive. I can see it and it scares me. Every time I see it I feel like a little piece of my Byullie is chipped away."  
  
"You have to find a balance, a way that she can see you and feel that you are hers without actually being hers. If you can do that, you should be safe. You're her first doll, there's still a chance you can save her. Eun-ji was too far gone by the time any of us were made, she was already in too deep with the dolls and enjoyed it too much."  
  
"You always call her 'Eun-ji'...did you know her beforehand?"  
  
"Ah..." Joon-myeon's face flushed as he scratched the back of his head, dipping down as if to hide his face. "I was a college student when it happened. She would appear on campus outside my classes all the time, I thought she was a college student too. She looked young, and I thought she was really pretty." He coughed as if embarrassed. "I invited her to coffee and I actually started to really like her. She even let me meet Saet-byul. I'm not sure Saet-byul would remember me though, she was really young when I saw her."  
  
Hong-bin started squirming in Hak-yeon's lap, and Hak-yeon had to run a soothing hand down his back to calm him.   
  
"She always told me how beautiful I was, and I had always been a little embarrassed by that."  
  
"What...what changed?"  
  
"I told her I wanted to marry her."  
  
Hak-yeon started at that, staring at Joon-myeon in a way that had the elder starting to squirm just as much, a grimace on his lips. Saet-byul's mother, she had always seemed so crazy and off-kilter that he hadn't imagined how anyone could have loved her, let alone have someone that she had Saet-byul with. He had always thought that the other dolls were like him, having been people randomly and viciously taken without their consent. He hadn't thought that any of them had any previous relationships with her.   
  
"Please don't look at me like that. Regardless of what or who she is, my feelings for her were genuine at the time. I actually was ready to treat Saet-byul like a father and start a family with her. But the moment I brought it up with Eun-ji, she exploded, saying I was not allowed to even have those thoughts. I wasn't the same as 'him', though I'm not sure who 'him' is. She never did say.  
  
She ignored me for weeks, and I had felt guilty, thinking that I had brought the topic up at the wrong time or had been insensitive to her feelings. I called her continuously, knocked on her door, everything I could. One day she answered my call and invited me over. She..." Joon-myeon hesitated again, taking a deep, shaky breath. "She made me food that had been laced with drugs that caused me to seize up, and I was powerless as I watched her make me into a doll."  
  
Hak-yeon felt his mouth run dry, Hong-bin whimpering in his arms.  
  
"Saet-byul saw what happened, had cried to see me on the ground with the doll in Eun-ji's hands. She had really liked me, and hadn't wanted me to be a doll. I found out I was the last one she let see Saet-byul beforehand."  
  
"Do you know if...if she really liked you? Saet-byul's mother, I mean."  
  
"I...I don't really know." His voice sounded so broken, so lost. "I...I like to think she did." He reached down and fingered his crippled leg, smiling wryly. "I was an artist, had drawn so many portraits of her. I like to think she destroyed my leg because she didn't want to ruin my hands. I...I like to think that."  
  
"Joon-myeon..."  
  
"Don't pity me Hak-yeon. Yes, I loved her and yes she tortured me. While sometimes I wished I had just passed her by instead of inviting her to that coffee, that short time was the happiest I had ever been."  
  
He swallowed, finding his voice so small. "I-"  
  
They both jumped when there was a knock at the door, the knock incessant and hurried as the person banged as hard as they could. Joon-myeon scrambled to get his crutches as he limped quickly to the door, Jong-in hovering nearby. Hak-yeon hurriedly grabbed Hong-bin and jumped down under the table, his heart hammering his chest as he inwardly berated himself for so easily falling back into the fear that overtook him at the sound of others. They could hear the door opening and Joon-myeon shouting out in surprise, a voice screaming out that had Hong-bin twitching in his hold.  
  
Hak-yeon grunted when Hong-bin crawled out of his arms and scrambled to the kitchen doorway, only seconds behind him to see a body shoot in, face pale and eyes bloodshot as he launched onto Joon-myeon in a tight hug.  
  
"J-Jong-dae? What's wrong?"  
  
"Save me Joon-myeon hyung! Don't let her get me!"  
  
They all stiffened as Joon-myeon pushed Jong-dae off of him, holding him still despite Jong-dae shaking as if he wanted something to latch on to. "Jong-dae, calm down and tell me. What happened?"  
  
"She's coming for me, I know she is. She already killed Se-hun. She knows we're free. She's going to kill me. Hyung, you have to hide me. If she doesn't see me, if I'm hiding, she can't get me. She-"  
  
"Stop stop stop!" Joon-myeon roared, and Jong-dae snapped his mouth shut in both fear and confusion. "What do you mean Se-hun's dead? What happened? Calm the fuck down and tell me what happened!" Jong-dae started twitching in Joon-myeon's hold, and Hak-yeon noticed that along with his pale and harried appearance, his hair looked tangled and unkempt as if he hadn't showered in a long time, his clothes worn and torn. He was barefoot. "Jong-dae-"  
  
"Eun-ji killed him! She tore his doll apart, right in front of me to show that I was next! She tore his arms and legs off and turned him inside out. I saw it, it was right in front of me! His blood got on me an-and I tried to wash it off but I can't. I can't! Don't let her do that to me, please don't let her touch me hyung!"   
  
"Eun-ji couldn't have done that, she's still in prison. She doesn't have our dolls!"  
  
"Then she can do it with her mind! She killed him hyung! I saw it!" Jong-dae started struggling again when he saw Joon-myeon didn't believe him, looking around frantically until his eyes landed on him and Hong-bin. Hak-yeon tensed, attempting to pull Hong-bin behind him but Hong-bin stood firm, stepping out just a little bit more. Jong-dae grinned manically, trying to break away from Joon-myeon's now death grip. "Bin ah! Binnie! You believe me, right? You would know what she's capable of. Eun-ji, Eun-ji killed Se-hun, you know, right? You believe me!"  
  
"Jong-dae hyung," Jong-in spoke up finally, his own face looking pale, "y-you should calm down first. Panicking like this-"   
  
Jong-dae cut him off with a loud scream, having now seen the four others huddled on the makeshift bed. "She's already been here! She's been here! It's not safe, she'll find me here! Let me go, let me go Joon-myeon!"  
  
"Stop it Jong-dae!" Joon-myeon finally having enough and ramming Jong-dae hard into the wall, and Jong-dae quieted instantly when his head knocked painfully against the wall. Dazed and somewhat incoherent, Jong-dae slumped limply in his hands. "Listen, you know Eun-ji can't do anything to us without the dolls. It wasn't her. Someone else did it. None of us know anymore than you do. But if they really did kill Se-hun, we're going to have to be calm to figure it out."   
  
"Come...come for me..." Jong-dae mumbled, his head lolling to the side.  
  
"They're not coming for you specifically. Nobody knows whose doll is whose except Eun-ji. Everything had been by chance. It was shitty luck that Se-hun was killed. You need to calm down so we can figure out who did and stop them before they kill anyone else." Jong-dae didn't reply, still looking dazed, and Joon-myeon carefully put him down.   
  
"Jong-in, why don't you take Jong-dae upstairs? You can put him in my bed for now. We can get him to wash up after he's calmed down." Jong-in nodded wordlessly, taking the glassy-eyed Jong-dae by the hand and leading him away. After a few tense seconds, Joon-myeon ran his hands down his face, letting out a heavy breath. He looked over to Hak-yeon, smiling that enigmatic smile of his.   
  
"Do you still want to call that friend of yours?"


	21. Chapter 21

“We should invite little Hong-binnie over here one day," Jae-hwan announced one morning while they were eating breakfast, waiting patiently as Won-shik did a spit-take, coughing painfully. Won-shik's face scrunched up in a way to say he didn't approve, dropping his spoon into his already soggy cereal and shaking his head.    
  
"W-what?"   
  
"Hong-bin is really a sweetheart, it's probably so stuffy over there, what with having that stiff-board Taek-woon and scary Hak-yeon hovering over him. I'm sure having some time to relax and play would do him some good."   
  
"The kid looks like he's attached to Hak-yeon pretty bad though, you saw him cry when he was alone. I don't think he'll be okay coming here." Jae-hwan's eyes narrowed as he watched Won-shik go back to eating his cereal, biting his lip in thought before sighing dramatically.    
  
"Well, if we  _have_  to, we could always invite Hak-yeon too. Hong-bin just looks so sad all the time, and nobody did anything when Saet-byul was treating him like that." He waited to see how Won-shik would respond, and frowned in disappointment when he only continued eating. "He has a nice smile, his whole face lights up. Can you imagine if he came over, I could play games with him and make him all kinds of food and-"   
  
"Fine!" Won-shik sighed, resignedly placing his chin in his open palm, his eyes annoyed. "Invite him over if you want. I'm just pretty sure they're going to say no. Not everyone's going to let you dote on them. Not to mention I'm pretty sure Hak-yeon doesn't like us. He's not about to let his precious 'baby' come anywhere near us." Jae-hwan's smile froze; he knew Won-shik, knew that in the morning he was cranky and sometimes said things he didn't really mean. He wondered if he should have brought this up later, maybe dinner. He continued slower, his voice softer and less enthusiastic.    
  
"Hong-bin seemed to really like me. I'm sure he'd want to see me again."   
  
"Go ahead and try. Just don't cry to me if he says no."   
  
Jae-hwan didn't say anything after that, looking down at his own cereal with his appetite completely gone, pushing the small flakes around dejectedly. Won-shik didn't seem to notice his mood, tiredly reaching over and pouring more cereal into his bowl. Jae-hwan saw his glass of orange juice was empty, quickly pouring him a new one before he noticed. He watched to make sure the younger drank the glass before asking softly,   
  
"Did you call your family?"   
  
"Yes I did," Won-shik snapped, his face void of emotion, something he always did when he spoke of his family. Jae-hwan smiled happily at that, pouring him another glass.    
  
"What did they say? Are you going to visit?"   
  
"No I'm not going to visit. All I agreed to was calling them."   
  
"You should visit at least once. I'm sure they'd want to see you."   
  
"No they wouldn't!" Won-shik slammed his spoon on the table and stood up, his face tired and angry and hurt and Jae-hwan wished he had brought this up another time. He hated seeing Won-shik sad, hated upsetting him, and he wished he hadn't said anything at all. "My family doesn't love me, has been very happy since I left. They barely even said anything to me before hanging up. I don't want to see them, they don't want to see me; that's the end of it! I wish you would goddamn mind your own business and stop trying to stick your big nose in places where you  _wouldn't understand._ "    
  
"Won-shik-" Won-shik didn't give him a chance to answer before he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Jae-hwan slumped over and buried his head in his hands, wishing he hadn't said anything at all.    
  
\--   
  
Won-shik was really only upset for the first five minutes after having stomped out of the apartment, realizing very quickly that he had only grabbed Jae-hwan's cardigan that felt like it was made of tissue it was so thin. He shivered as he clutched the useless thing to himself, the morning spring air cuttingly harsh. He sniffled; he already felt bad for blowing up on Jae-hwan like that, knowing his hyung didn't deserve any of that. He knew Jae-hwan was always secretly jealous of Won-shik's family, both exasperated and upset at how Won-shik wanted nothing to do with them, and always pushed him to try and reconcile.    
  
He didn't want to reconcile, and he wished Jae-hwan would understand that.    
  
He stopped at a café, probably one of the only things opened at the godawful hour of eight in the morning, taking his coffee and settling in a corner by the window. He wanted to go back and apologize, knowing Jae-hwan was probably beating himself up already. Jae-hwan tended to do that, and then pretend that everything was alright when confronted about it. It annoyed Won-shik to no end. He probably should head back before Jae-hwan ended up drowning himself in unnecessary guilt.   
  
And yet, he didn't want to seem desperate either, running back because he was cold and out of money and already regretting throwing a temper tantrum. He had too much pride for that, would rather sit out here all day and head back later and pretend that he had been perfectly fine. It made him a hypocrite in a sense, but the last thing he needed or wanted was to go back and have Jae-hwan hang all over him with apologies. He groaned as he took another sip of his coffee, letting out a content sigh as the warm liquid quickly warmed his freezing body, the hot ceramic in his hands pleasantly warm.    
  
He thought back to their earlier conversation, how Jae-hwan wanted to bring Hong-bin over. Something was off about Hong-bin; he didn't know anything about him and wasn't able to make anything past assumptions, but there had to be a reason both Hak-yeon and Taek-woon were so protective of him, both looking ready to rip their heads off if they made him so much as whimper. It was true that Hong-bin did seem to take a liking to Jae-hwan, most people did, Jae-hwan was just a naturally likable person, but it didn't seem like that would be enough for his bodyguards to relent and let him come over alone.  
  
He ran a hand through his hair, wincing when he was met with a bunch of knots. He'd been meaning to shower this morning.    
  
Yet...he thought about how happy Jae-hwan would be if he managed to bring Hong-bin with him, and he wondered if it would be enough for the harsh words he had snapped earlier. He always did speak without thinking. Letting out a big sigh as he downed the rest of his coffee, he fished out his cell phone from his pocket. Already there were a litany of texts from Jae-hwan pleading for him to come home, and he kept his mouth firm as he ignored them in favor of calling Sang-hyuk.    
  
He wasn't as close to the kid as Jae-hwan was, but he knew he was probably the only one who would know how to get Hong-bin's number (or Hak-yeon's). It wasn't long before the other picked up, the other's voice laced with sleepiness, slurring out,   
  
 _"Whoisit?"_    
  
"Sang-hyuk?" he asked carefully, realizing that he was calling the other really early in the morning and was surprised he even picked up.    
  
 _"Won-shik? What...why the hell are you calling me at eight in the morning?"_    
  
"Sorry, I was just wondering if you had Hong-bin or Hak-yeon's number."    
  
There was a long enough pause on the other end that Won-shik started to wonder if the other had fallen back asleep, when  _"Why the hell would I have that?"_    
  
"Hey," he snapped, "watch your mouth. Cursing at your hyung like that."   
  
 _"Well, I would be more pleasant if you didn't call me at freaking eight in the morning.”_  He could hear a long yawn on the other end followed by rustling of sheets, and he waited until Sang-hyuk let out a long sigh.  _"Why would you even want to call either of them?"_    
  
"Jae-hwan wants-"   
  
Sang-hyuk cut him off with a long groan, a thumping sound that sounded suspiciously like Sang-hyuk kicking the wall in the background.  _"Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that big, thick head of his. Of all people, I wouldn't exactly be inviting_  Hong-bin  _over. Not unless he wants to invite Taek-woon and Hak-_ _yeon_   _too."_    
  
"I know, but Jae-hwan wants to and I might as well try and ask."   
  
 _"God, you're so whipped..."_    
  
"Excuse me?" he blinked, wondering when Sang-hyuk had grown so bold in his speech. He still remembered when the kid barely came to his shoulders, his face still full of baby fat and eyes wide in wonder. He could barely utter a curse without stuttering and his face reddening; he wasn't sure he wanted to know what happened from then till now that Sang-hyuk was able to whip out curses so quickly, so  _easily,_  and a part of him missed that little kid.    
  
 _"I can ask Saet-byul,"_  Sang-hyuk continued innocently, ignoring Won-shik's grumbling,  _"Knowing her, she's probably got Hak-_ _yeon's_ _number on speed dial. Not too sure if she'll answer, since it's too freaking early for this, but I can ask."_    
  
"You're just as bad," Won-shik blurted out, still worked up and hanging on Sang-hyuk's previous statement, shaking in indignant exasperation. "Saet-byul has you just as whipped-"   
  
 _"I'll call you back.”_  
  
Won-shik glared at his phone when the other quickly hung up, making a face before looking down at his empty cup of coffee. He wished he had more money on him. He was going to starve. It wasn't long until his phone rang again, and Won-shik quickly answered while pretending to take another sip when the cashier girl glared at him for not leaving. “Sang-hyuk-”   
  
 _"She's not answering,"_  Sang-hyuk cut in, his voice sounding much more alert,  _"but then I didn't really expect her to. It's still the ass-crack of dawn."_    
  
"Look, I'll make this up to you, alright? Stop complaining. Do you know any other way to contact them?"   
  
 _"You could just go to their apartment. They live with Taek-woon."_    
  
"Where's that?"   
  
Sang-hyuk was barely able to give him the address of their apartment before Won-shik hung up, not about to give the younger any time to throw more insults at him. The apartment wasn't too bad of a walk away and, once leaving the café and finally away from the cashier girl's watchful stare, he saw that it had warmed up considerably in the hour he spent inside. Still a little too cold for a thin cardigan, but it would do.    
  
He could feel his phone vibrate, another call from Jae-hwan, and he sighed as he sent the other a quick message to reassure him that he was alive. That triggered another swarm of messages that flooded his inbox, and Won-shik sighed again. God, Jae-hwan apologizing like this and begging him to come home only made him feel worse, and he ran a hand through his knotted hair. Why couldn't Jae-hwan for once just curse and blame him, yelling at him to get his ass home and face his punishment? Why did Jae-hwan allow himself to take the blame, to do anything to keep the other person happy and subdued at the expense of his own happiness?    
  
He knew if he went home right now, Jae-hwan would just bulldoze over anything he tried to say, apologizing continuously and walking around on eggshells as if afraid he would explode any second. He wouldn't give Won-shik a chance to apologize on his own. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and walked ahead, determined to get to Hong-bin. If he couldn't get his thick-headed hyung to sit down and listen to him apologize, he would do something where he would have to see.   
  
He would make sure of it.   
  
Taek-woon's apartment was farther than he thought, taking over two hours to walk there. He made a mental note to never forget his wallet again. Walking up to the front door, he found the doorbell for Taek-woon's flat and rang, jumping in surprise when in seconds the door swung open to reveal the most harried version of Taek-woon he had ever seen.    
  
The man looked like he hadn't slept in days, dark circles under his eyes and his skin paler than normal. His hair was a ratted mess, his clothes hanging off his body and a sweater half pulled over him as if he had rushed to put it on before opening the door. His eyes were wide and expectant as he opened the door, but the moment he realized it was only Won-shik, his whole face fell, his shoulders slumping and his head lowering. Won-shik felt slightly offended at the response, scrunching his face up as he shoved his hands in his pockets.    
  
"Well, it's nice to see you too."   
  
"How do you know where I live?" He would have taken even more offense to the question if it wasn't for how broken the other sounded, his voice barely above a whisper.    
  
"S-Sang-hyuk told me," he said softly, looking him over again. "Hey...are you alright?"   
  
Taek-woon ignored his question. "What do you need?"   
  
"I was wondering if I could talk to either Hong-bin or Hak-yeon? I know they probably wouldn't really want to talk to me, but-"   
  
"They're not here."    
  
Won-shik blinked in surprise, scanning the other man's face to see if there was any hint that he was lying or playing a joke, though he didn't think Taek-woon was even capable of playing jokes. But what he saw was complete devastation, as if just those words alone were enough to break this strong man into tiny, little pieces. Taek-woon took a deep, steadying breath before finally looking back up at Won-shik, and Won-shik felt the words he meant to say get stuck in his throat.    
  
"They're...they're not here anymore."   
  
"Where did they go?"   
  
"They went...they went to stay with some friends of theirs."   
  
"Wow...and you let them?"   
  
Taek-woon looked up at him for a second, his mouth opening as if to retort something, but in the end just looked back down again. It was strange seeing him so defeated; he had always seemed so collected and put-together. If this was what  _Taek-woon_  was like when the people he loved left him, Won-shik's stomach twisted at the thought of what Jae-hwan must have been like when he'd decided to suddenly study abroad. He lowered his voice, now much more sympathetic as he asked carefully,   
  
"Would you be able to tell me where they are?"   
  
Taek-woon shook his head, his shoulders shaking as he bit his lower lip. "Don't bother them...they can't leave. They'll be back, they said...they'll be back..." Won-shik awkwardly put a hand on the other's shoulder when it looked like he was about to cry, and that was what snapped Taek-woon out of whatever mood he was in. The other man quickly pushed his hand away as he stood up straight, his face neutral as he stared at Won-shik with tears brimming and his face pink with flush.    
  
"Whatever they're doing, it's important and they can't come home. I...I am waiting for them. If they come back, I will let you know."    
  
"Er...thanks." Taek-woon nodded, face still passive as he moved to close the door. "Wait, Taek-woon." Taek-woon hesitated, one eye peeking out from behind the door as his fingers on the doorknob shook. Won-shik fidgeted, wishing now that he was even half as good with words as Jae-hwan was. "They'll come back. I could see it; they really like you."    
  
Taek-woon paused for a long second before a small smile appeared on his lips, dipping his head quietly in thanks before shutting the door, the click of the lock soft in the early afternoon air.    
  
While he felt great for that little line he threw back there, he now had nothing to do and no money to do anything, and he had no way to get Hong-bin for Jae-hwan. He could feel his phone vibrating again and he looked down to see at least twenty different voicemails from Jae-hwan, and after listening to them sighed when the latest one announced that he was going out to find him. What did Jae-hwan think he was doing, searching for him in a place as big as Seoul?    
  
He gave up with a sigh of defeat as he texted the other he was going home, and the response was instantaneous.    
  
 _I'll be right there! Please hurry, hyung will have a nice, warm meal waiting for you._    
  
Won-shik's lip curled slightly at that, wondering if he would ever be able to describe anything Jae-hwan makes as 'nice'.    
  
It took him another three hours to get back home, Won-shik's feet feeling like they would fall off by the time he crossed the threshold of Jae-hwan's apartment. He barely had enough time to take off his shoes when something collided hard into him, his back slamming painfully against the door. Hands ran over his face, hair, shoulders, chest; Jae-hwan scanned every inch of him hurriedly before his expression morphed into one of worried anger, pounding his chest in tears.    
  
"Do you realize how worried I was, Kim Won-shik?" he sobbed, tears running down his face as his fists bounced off Won-shik's chest painlessly. "I saw you only grabbed my cardigan; it was so cold and you left your wallet at home-- you wouldn't answer my texts or calls and I was so worried about what could've happened to you-"   
  
Won-shik caught Jae-hwan's hands and held his wrists tightly, standing silently until Jae-hwan finally looked at him. His eyes were red, his lips trembling. "You idiot, who told you to be so worried? It was just a temper tantrum, you know I was going to come home eventually."   
  
Jae-hwan shook his head, hiccupping. "No, but what if something happened and I never saw you again? The last thing I would have said to you would have been something that made you upset, made you leave me-"   
  
"Jae-hwan hyung," he said loudly, grabbing both of Jae-hwan's shoulders and shaking him until he finally shut up, "I won't leave you. I will never leave you again, I promise." He thought of Taek-woon's pale, sick face, how excited he was at the prospect of Hak-yeon and Hong-bin coming home and how quickly he wilted when he saw it wasn't them, "I was wrong for leaving you and running away. I will never do that again, I will always be here for you."   
  
Jae-hwan was sniffling now, searching his face as if to see if there was any hint of a lie, shaking his head. "I...I can't believe you Won-shik ah. You left so easily...what if you leave again-"   
  
"Then I'd bring you with me. I promise you hyung, I won't leave you again."   
  
It was a long moment before Jae-hwan's shoulders slumped and his trembling stopped, though he didn't look any more convinced as he let Won-shik lead him to the couch. They both sat down, Jae-hwan scooting away so there was some distance between the two of them. He felt bad as he watched the other pull in on himself; he sometimes underestimated Jae-hwan's dependency on others.   
  
Jae-hwan looked him over again, tugging on Won-shik's cardigan. "You really weren't hurt?"   
  
"No. I'm fine." Jae-hwan pulled away and he toed the other with his foot. "Look, I'm sorry I ignored your calls. I was trying to find Hong-bin for you to try and get him to come over. I wanted to surprise you but-"   
  
"You did what?"   
  
"-they weren't there. I had to call Sang-hyuk to figure out where they were. Have you heard some of the things that come out of that kid's mouth?"   
  
Jae-hwan chuckled, his eyes still lost. "Yeah, Sang-hyuk developed quite a bit of sass over the years. But really, where did you go, Wonnie? Why did you go looking for Hong-bin?"    
  
"You said you wanted him to come over. I thought if I brought him over, you would actually see my apology. Kinda sounds dumb now since I wasn't able to actually see him-" He stopped short when Jae-hwan took his hands in his, shifting closer until their feet were touching. He was smiling now.   
  
"You didn't have to do that Won-shik ah. I do want to see Hong-bin again, but if you were unhappy with it then I wasn't going to force you."   
  
"It's not that I was unhappy, I just knew that it wasn't going to happen and I didn't feel like listening to you cry all over me." Jae-hwan laughed at that, though he made no move to take his hands away. "Not to mention that if I didn't do something like this, you would never listen to me tell you I'm sorry."   
  
"But it wasn't your fault," Jae-hwan reasoned, "I shouldn't have brought something like that up. You don't need to apologize-"   
  
"That's what I'm talking about!" he snapped, yanking his hands away. "Regardless of what you say, I shouldn't have yelled at you and ran out the door like a child! That was all me, that was  _my_  fault.  _I_  should be the one apologizing. So please, hyung, let me say sorry." Jae-hwan's eyes fell as chewed his lip, and Won-shik sighed as he reached over and pulled his lip out from his teeth. Jae-hwan watched him in surprise before he smiled, his hands that had been kneading his knees finally relaxing.    
  
"But...I will say this...I totally lied. I never called home."   
  
Immediately Jae-hwan's face scrunched up as he slapped Won-shik's leg. "What? Why not?"   
  
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just didn't want to talk to them. But...if you want...I can call them right now." Jae-hwan stopped, eyes wide before he shook his head.    
  
"As much as I want you to, if you don't want to-"   
  
"I will," he said strongly, staring his hyung in the eye until Jae-hwan finally looked at him, "if you're with me. Would you help me, hyung?" Jae-hwan didn't say a word as he nodded, and that was all Won-shik needed to grab his phone.   
  
They sat there huddled on the couch, Jae-hwan's supportive arms wrapped around Won-shik's wide shoulders and Won-shik's knees pulled in close to his chest, his phone clutched in his fingers. Jae-hwan pat his back carefully, making sure to keep his voice light. "You can do it Wonnie," he whispered, and Won-shik nodded once before clicking the call button, letting out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.    
  
It only rang twice before a voice answered, and Won-shik felt his chest tighten at the sound.   
  
 _"Hello?"_    
  
"H-hello?" he stuttered, his fingernails digging into his knee. There was a gasp along with strangled noises on the other end, and he felt a smile tug the corners of his lips to hear that she never changed.   
  
 _"Won-shik?"_  the voice asked, and that smile vanished. Won-hye had never called him by his name, had always called him by the affectionate 'oppa'. It hurt to hear her call him so formally.   
  
"Won-hye ya?" he whispered, "I-is that you?"   
  
 _"Yes!"_  she cried out happily.  _"I never thought I would hear from you again! How are you? Where are you now?"_    
  
"Won-hye ya, are...are Mom and Dad there?" There was a pause on the other end as he heard the soft sound of his sister talking to someone else, and he struggled to breathe. Jae-hwan silently rested his head against his own, rubbing circles with his thumb into Won-shik's palm. It was incredibly soothing. "Won-hye?"   
  
 _"Did you never get my letters?"_  she asked, and he blinked in surprise? Letters?    
  
"L-letters?" he asked, and she made a disgruntled sound on the other end.   
  
 _"I wasn't sure how to send letters to you in America, I tried but I guess they didn't get to you. Mom...Mom passed away last year. I wasn't sure how to tell you. Dad has been looking everywhere for you since."_    
  
Jae-hwan immediately held him close as the phone nearly slipped from his hand, his breaths coming out in short spurts. His mother...he never meant to never see her again. She had seemed so invincible, like she would always be there. No matter how long he ran away, she would always be there and he could always return to her. To think that he would never be able to see her again, that she had been gone for  _over a year_  and he never knew-- he didn't realize he was crying until Jae-hwan wiped the tears away with his sleeve.    
  
"M-Mom...why...?"   
  
 _"She was just sick, Won-shik. She wanted to see you, but none of us knew how to find you."_    
  
He was openly crying at this point, letting Jae-hwan hold him tight as he sobbed. He had purposefully made it hard to find him, not even Jae-hwan had known. He had been so angry, wanting so badly to run away, yet that stupid anger had cost him his mother. He would never see her again, all because he had been so stubborn and stupid.    
  
"Shh, it's alright Won-shik ah," Jae-hwan soothed, patting his back. "Shh..."   
  
 _"Dad really wants to see you. I promise he's not angry anymore. He just wants you to come home. We all do."_    
  
"H-how could...how could he look at me?" he whimpered. "Because of me...Mom..."   
  
 _"I promise he's not upset. None of us are. And...Won-shik...I really do want to see you again. I...I want to call you 'oppa' again."_  Her voice was quiet now, and Won-shik made an effort to wipe his eyes and stop sniffling. He was the older brother, regardless of what he'd done he had to be the comforting older brother.    
  
"I-if it's really alright...I will come home. I do miss you, Won-hye ya, and I want to see you. I...I can't think right now. I-I'll call back later when I can come."   
  
 _"Yes, yes that's fine!"_  she cried hurriedly, almost as if she was afraid he would disappear again.  _"Take as much time as you need! Just please come back. Please Won-shik oppa."_  Just the utter of the word 'oppa' added to his name was too much for him, and he hung up the phone as he allowed Jae-hwan to pull him into a hug. He was suddenly so exhausted, his whole body numb.   
  
They had forgiven him a long time ago.   
  
They had wanted him back a long time ago.    
  
He was the one who had held a petty grudge that had cost so much.  
  
He fell asleep in Jae-hwan's arms, the soft whisper of ' _I'm so sorry'_  the last thing he heard before he drifted away.


	22. Chapter 22

He wrapped the multitude of blankets tighter around him, staring sadly at the alarm clock next to him that read it was a little after three, the numbers blaring bright and terribly at him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to force himself to get comfortable, the blankets he held so tightly unable to give him the warmth that Hak-yeon and Hong-bin had given him when they would sneak into his bed. He looked down sadly at his stomach, almost able to imagine Hong-bin spooned against him, his face buried into his chest as he lightly snored. He could almost feel Hak-yeon pressed firmly into his back, his hands gripping his sides and shifting with each breath he took.  
  
He closed his eyes again as he reassured himself that this was only temporary, they would be coming back. Hak-yeon wouldn't leave him, he wasn't like the others. Hak-yeon would come back.  
  
 _"You fucking liar, you fucking promised you wouldn't let him near Saet-byul. You fucking promised!"_  
  
 _"The hell! Has he been having attacks like that normally? What the hell are you doing to him? I knew you weren't good for him! I fucking knew it!"_  
  
 _"Hak-yeon trusted you,_ we  _trusted you, and this is what you do to us! How could you let this happen to him and stand there saying you care about him?"_  
  
 _"I knew you couldn't be trusted! No one can be trusted except for us! No one is safe!"_  
  
Taek-woon rolled over as he pressed his face into his pillow, letting out a long sigh that warmed his face and made it even harder to breathe. Hearing Baek-hyun throw all those accusations at him had hurt, had hurt terribly, but it wasn't as if there wasn't some truth behind it.  
  
He had promised to keep Saet-byul away from him, had  _promised,_  and in the same breath brought him to Saet-byul's doorstep. He had been so greedy, loved seeing the smiles that appeared on Hak-yeon's face more and more, loved seeing the spring in his step and hearing him talk. He had wanted it all, and knowing that the only way for it to continue was to bring him to Saet-byul, had done it willingly. Despite his promise, he had let them meet.  
  
And Hak-yeon's panic attacks.  
  
He should have gone to someone for help a long time ago, gotten something to help Hak-yeon so he wasn't in so much pain when it happened. He shouldn't have let Hak-yeon suffer alone, to just hold and comfort him until it passed and let him sleep it off. He shouldn't have let Hong-bin sit there and watch them, to cry in the closet when they happened and crawl out when they were over. He should have ignored how much Hak-yeon would have fought and cried if he brought a doctor in. He should have done more to help him.  
  
He had just been afraid that he would be deemed unfit to watch Hak-yeon, to have his friend taken from him. To have both Hak-yeon and Hong-bin taken away somewhere far from him.  
  
But that didn't matter anymore.  
  
They were still taken from him.  
  
  
He went to classes in a daze, his whole routine thrown off when he didn't have to spend time getting the two dressed, or making their breakfast, of making sure they were dressed warmly before leaving. He laid three bowls out just in case they came back when he was eating; he knew how hungry Hong-bin was getting nowadays. He wanted to make sure Hong-bin ate something, he was finally starting to fill out.  
When he wasn't in class he was sitting by the door with his phone in hand, staring at the screen in the hope of hearing the ringtone that would normally fill him with dread.  
  
He had thought numerous times about calling them, pretending that he had only misdialed if one of the others picked up. But he always chickened out in the end, too afraid of bothering them in case they were doing something important. He knew Hak-yeon wouldn't leave him like this, would tell him if he wasn't coming back. Hak-yeon wouldn't throw him away, wasn't like the others, would always be there for him...even if it meant he wasn't by his side.  
  
He had grown so excited when the doorbell rang, flinging a sweater on and launching at the door in a hurry to let them in-- only to nearly die in disappointment and frustration when it was only Won-shik. He normally would have been suspicious of why the other, who he admittedly knew very little on, would suddenly want to see the two, but at that point he was just happy to hear their names uttered, to hear that someone else was looking for them. Won-shik's surprisingly comforting words were enough for Taek-woon, and he slept for the first time in two days at the words that they loved him and would come back.  
  
It wasn't until a week after Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol took the two away that he finally received a call, and he didn't even take the time to answer as he flung on some clothes and ran out of the house. He realized belatedly that he didn't wash his face or comb his hair, and he probably smelled since he hadn't showered that morning, but he didn't care. He ignored the surprised and disgusted looks he got as he ran down the streets, only Hak-yeon on his mind.  
  
He was panting as he reached the small antique shop, knocking frantically as he tried to catch his breath. Hak-yeon was the one who answered, his eyes wide in surprise at the sight of him, stuttering out his name with questioning eyes, but that didn't matter to Taek-woon. Hak-yeon looked positively  _radiant_ , his hair newly washed and his skin shining, his cheeks a little less sunken and his clothes new and freshly pressed. Taek-woon looked him up and down repeatedly, his stomach clenching when he thought that Hak-yeon had never looked that good when he had stayed with him.  
  
"Taek-woonie?" Hak-yeon asked worriedly, shoving his phone in his pocket as he cupped Taek-woon's face in his hands and checked him over. Hak-yeon's hands were so warm as they pushed his chin this way and that, his eyes roaming over him. He felt Taek-woon down and Taek-woon felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment to see he was still wearing his pajamas with only a jacket thrown over it. He looked like a mess. "You didn't have to come all the way here, I was just calling-"  
  
"A-are you alright here?" he blurted out, watching every miniscule change on Hak-yeon's face as he pulled his lips down in a small frown.  
  
"I'm doing alright," he said softly, still looking at him in concern. "Have you been sleeping? Taek-woonie, you look sick..."  
  
"When are you going to come home?" he asked, his voice sounding a little more pathetic than he would have liked. Hak-yeon's frown deepened at that, and Taek-woon's mind raced to think of what he could have said wrong.  
  
"Taek-woonie...that's why I called you..." Hak-yeon looked so upset, his fingers picking at the hem of his shirt as he hesitated. "I...Hong-bin and I aren't going home for a while."  
  
Taek-woon was suddenly lightheaded as he stared at his friend, his eyes fluttering closed as he tried his best to stay calm. Hak-yeon wasn't throwing him away, there was a reason. There had to be a reason he wasn't coming home. Hak-yeon was shouting something as his hands patted up and down Taek-woon's arms, and Taek-woon realized he was trying to call his name. Hak-yeon was staring at him with fear in his eyes, trying to look him in the eyes.  
  
"Taek-woonie, I'll come home soon, I promise. I just can't come now."  
  
"But...I miss you..." he whispered, not caring how pathetic he sounded anymore. Hak-yeon quickly engulfed him in a hug, his cheek pressed against Taek-woon's.  
  
"I miss you too Taek-woonie. I do want to come home. I just can't. There-"  
  
 _"She has him! Jong-in wouldn't just leave like this, don't you realize she's kidnapped him? She's going to kill him! She's going to kill him and tear him apart! Let me go! Don't let her get me!"_  
  
Hak-yeon winced as the voice continued to shout from inside, other curses overlapping as they tried to muffle whoever was shouting.  
  
"I didn't want you to hear that," he said quietly, one hand cupping the back of Taek-woon's head to keep him trying to look inside. "Something is going on with the dolls. Someone is hurting us and already killed someone." Taek-woon started, mouth opening to ask if Hak-yeon had been hurt but his friend continued. "I'm okay, don't worry. But I'm afraid they'll go after you if I go home. I don't want you hurt."  
  
 _"Where's Hak-yeon? Did she get him? Hak-yeon!"_  
  
Hak-yeon sighed, pulling away from him. "I promise I'll come home when this is over. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Taek-woonie, I just-- I don't want you hurt."  
  
"Hyung?" Hak-yeon whirled around to see Hong-bin peek around the corner, the younger boy's face brightening at the sight of Taek-woon. "Taek-woon hyung!" Hong-bin shot out and jumped into Taek-woon's arms, disregarding Hak-yeon trying to pull him away. "Taek-woon hyung, are you going to stay with us?"  
  
"Taek-woon has to go home," Hak-yeon said softly, and Hong-bin frowned, holding Taek-woon tighter.  
  
"Is it Saet-byul?" Taek-woon asked seriously, eyes narrowing when he saw Hak-yeon freeze. Hong-bin fidgeted in his arms.  
  
"You know Byullie wouldn't do something like that. She doesn't like dolls. She would never intentionally hurt anyone." Hak-yeon let out a small sigh before reaching over and pulling Hong-bin out of his arms, giving the younger a bright smile when he started to whine. "Taek-woon has to go home now, say goodbye."  
  
"Are we going to go home later?" he asked, looking to Taek-woon hopefully.  
  
"Not now. So make sure you say goodbye." Hong-bin's face dropped as he gave a sullen wave to Taek-woon, and Taek-woon grabbed a hold of Hak-yeon's wrist, silently pleading. Hak-yeon faltered for a split second before gently pulling his hand off, caressing Taek-woon's cheek softly. "You're not alone Taek-woon. I'll always be there for you, remember that. My sweet Taek-woonie, stay strong." He gave his hand one last squeeze before closing the door and leaving Taek-woon alone.  
  
 **\--**  
  
Hak-yeon's heart hurt at the crushed look on his Taek-woonie's face as he shut the door. He knew that Taek-woon would take what he said to heart, would hold onto those words and wait for him until the day he died. That was just how Taek-woon was, desperate for security and love, and he hated playing on those insecurities.    
  
Taek-woon had never told him explicitly what had happened at home with his parents, but Hak-yeon had observed enough before he grew sick to have an idea. He could see that despite how much his mother showered him in love, Taek-woon seemed to hate it, hiding away from her and pushing her away when she came too close. He clung onto Hak-yeon, however, face so bright and content when Hak-yeon would comfort or dote on him. He wasn't sure how or why Taek-woon was so insecure and afraid, and was only able to do what he could to make his sweet Taek-woonie feel better.    
  
He hated himself for using Taek-woon's unwavering and unfathomable trust in him to keep him away.    
  
He had been ready to go home originally, had planned on taking Hong-bin right back after they managed to get Jong-dae to clean up and calm down. But Jong-dae had clung onto Hong-bin as the only one who would believe him, and Hong-bin wanted to stay and help. Hak-yeon had been so proud of Hong-bin asserting himself, albeit stuttering the whole way, that he had all but stayed for him. He had decided that he would invite Taek-woon over, completely ignoring how Baek-hyun spat fire at the idea-- until Jong-in disappeared.    
  
No one had thought anything of it at first, thought Jong-in had just been sleeping in. It wasn't until Kyung-soo went to his room to get him to come eat lunch that they discovered he was  _gone._  There had been no note, no indication he had planned on going out, he was just simply  _gone._  Kyung-soo had been inconsolable since, Jong-in the only one he felt completely comfortable around. Only Hong-bin had managed to get him to stop crying. When Jong-dae had all but screamed that 'she' had kidnapped him, that 'she' was going to  _kill_  him, Hak-yeon threw his idea of bringing Taek-woon over away.   
  
He didn't want Taek-woon hurt.    
  
It didn't matter if it really was Saet-byul doing this, or her mother, or another person they were unaware of; he was not about to risk his Taek-woonie getting hurt.    
  
If that meant leaving Taek-woon alone, he would do it.    
  
  
Hong-bin wouldn't look at him after they sent Taek-woon away, his lip stuck out. Hak-yeon frowned, playing with Hong-bin's hair as they went back to reassure Jong-dae they were alright. He knew Hong-bin had warmed up to Taek-woon recently, had seen the way Hong-bin would light up around him, but he didn't think it was to the extent he would be so visibly upset when Taek-woon was turned away.    
  
"Who was it?" Baek-hyun asked from Kyung-soo's side, the younger curled up and staring at him with his one good eye.    
  
"Taek-woon hyung," Hong-bin answered as he went back to Jong-dae, the crazed other letting out a lopsided smile to see they were alright. Baek-hyun scowled, though he knew better than to say anything when Hak-yeon sent him a vicious glare.    
  
"Don't let her see him," Jong-dae warned, twitching in his seat but not moving when under Joon-myeon's watchful eye. "She'll make him a doll. She will."   
  
"Don't say things like that," Joon-myeon sighed, tired of hearing the nonsense Jong-dae had been spewing since coming back to them. Watching Sehun die in front of him seemed to have snapped something in Jong-dae, the other no longer able to rationalize anything no matter how many times they tried to console him. They were able to calm him enough to stop him from shouting continuously, though he seemed unable to think farther than the dolls and his impending death. Hak-yeon pursed his lips as he fought to make a smile for him, nodding his head.    
  
"I know. That's why I sent him away. I don't want her to see him."    
  
"Hak-yeon..." Joon-myeon started, though Jong-dae cut him off with a stiff nod.   
  
"Good. It's not safe. She can see everything, she can kidnap anyone if they have a doll. And then she'll kill them. She'll rip them into little pieces and kidnap again. Just like she did to Jong-in." Kyung-soo started crying again, and Baek-hyun hurriedly led him out of the room, sending Jong-dae a hateful glare before closing the door behind him. Hak-yeon glanced back to see Chan-yeol and Yixing asleep on the makeshift bed, Yixing's head in Chan-yeol's lap, and he quickly motioned to Joon-myeon. Joon-myeon understood, whispered something to Hong-bin before getting up and following Hak-yeon to the kitchen.    
  
"What is it?" he asked quietly, taking a peek to check that everyone was alright. Joon-myeon had taken the role of caretaker amongst the freed dolls, now the eldest one along with being the most rational. It did take a toll on him, his face covered in premature wrinkles and specks of his hair graying.    
  
"Do you really think it has to do with the dolls? Jong-in's disappearance?"    
  
Joon-myeon sighed; he could tell this was a topic the other probably wanted to avoid. "It has to be. None of us, including Jong-in, really like stepping outside unless necessary. Kyung-soo can't even look out the window. It can be the only reason Jong-in would leave like this, and so suddenly."   
  
"Could it really be Byullie?" he asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice. "I want to believe it wouldn't be her, but..."   
  
"I can't say, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was. She's always had the disposition to make dolls. We were just too late to stop it from manifesting."   
  
Hak-yeon shook his head, his heart refusing to believe it while his head was already rationalizing the possibility. "Saet-byul never wanted anything to do with dolls, she just wanted me to love her. Even then she never tried to use my doll to force me to do anything. Byullie couldn't have done this. Do you think her mother was able to-?"   
  
"Eun-ji doesn't have our dolls, she wouldn't be able to have them in prison. That wouldn't stop her from making new ones wherever she is, but she wouldn't be able to control us. Either it's Saet-byul or someone who was able to get their hands on the dolls."   
  
"Should I go visit her then? I could check to see if she has the dolls or-"   
  
"No," Joon-myeon nearly shouted, shaking his head. "If it is Saet-byul, she could be doing this to lure you out. It'll be too dangerous."   
  
"But if she does have Jong-in, how are we going to help him if we don't go?"   
  
"Please listen to me, it's too dangerous. Stay here, we'll protect you." When he opened his mouth to protest, Joon-myeon put a hand on his shoulder with a small smile. "I know sometimes you don't feel like it, but you're just as important to us. We want to help and protect you just as much as anyone else."   
  
He smiled back, though his insides clenched tightly.    
  
"I better get back though," he said, his shoulders dropping as he let out a large sigh. "I never feel comfortable leaving Jong-dae by himself." They quietly went back to the main room to see Jong-dae asleep in his chair, his head resting on top of Hong-bin's. Hong-bin noticed them come in, his eyes brightening at Hak-yeon, though he hesitated from moving when Jong-dae's arms around him tightened.    
  
Joon-myeon was able to wake Jong-dae, speaking in soft, controlled tones to get him to go upstairs and sleep. Jong-dae was too sleepy and confused to fight him, letting the elder lead him by the hand upstairs. Hak-yeon, in turn, took Hong-bin's hand and led him upstairs, noting the younger's grease covered hair and dirt-streaked cheeks.    
  
"Look at you Hong-binnie," he murmured, wiping at Hong-bin's cheek and frowning when the other pulled away. "You need to wash up, you haven't bathed since coming, have you?"   
  
"With Hak-yeon hyung?" he asked, his large eyes hesitant as he glanced at the bathroom Hak-yeon pulled him to.    
  
"Of course," he smiled, happy to finally get Hong-bin to clean himself. He had been refusing to do so since arriving, refusing every attempt Hak-yeon tried. He still wasn't sure what had caused the younger to change his mind, but he was grateful. He started the bath, making sure the water was warm before turning to Hong-bin, only to find him standing patiently by the door. Hak-yeon frowned, reaching out to pull him inside only for Hong-bin to shy away.   
  
"Binnie?" he asked confusedly. "Come in, the bath is ready."   
  
"Where's Taek-woon hyung?" he asked, glancing down the hallway as if waiting for Taek-woon to appear.    
  
A cold realization that Hak-yeon refused to acknowledge ran over him, and his hands clenched. "I told you, Taek-woon had to go home. He's not here."   
  
"But...Bin can't bathe without Taek-woon hyung. Taek-woon hyung always cleans Bin."   
  
Hak-yeon struggled to keep his smile up, not wanting to let Hong-bin see how much his words were affecting him. "When we go home Taek-woon will help you again. Since he's not here, can Hak-yeon hyung help you?" Hong-bin hesitated, still unhappy, though in the end he allowed Hak-yeon to pull him inside, begrudgingly getting into the bath. This was the first time Hong-bin had preferred Taek-woon over himself, and it was a strange feeling.    
  
"Can we color our hair again?" Hong-bin asked as Hak-yeon worked the shampoo into his hair, his face a look of pure innocence.   
  
Hak-yeon laughed as he tapped him on the nose, his eyes crinkling when Hong-bin jumped at the bubbles that decorated his face. "We did it only a couple weeks ago. We don't need to."   
  
"But can't we do it again?"   
  
"Why? Don't you like this color?"   
  
"Any color!" he cried hurriedly. Hak-yeon stared at him for a few seconds before slowly agreeing, wondering where all of this was coming from. Hong-bin never asked for anything, and while he was happy the other was starting to become more confident in speaking up for himself, he wasn't sure what was causing it. Hong-bin turned around so he was facing Hak-yeon, grinning so wide and his dimples deep. "Taek-woon hyung will color, right? Taek-woon hyung always colors. Hak-yeon hyung can't color his own hair. Has to be Taek-woon hyung."    
  
Hak-yeon's eyes widened in understanding, and he sadly rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. "I told you, Taek-woonie isn't here. He won't be until we go home. If you want to color your hair, I will have to do it."   
  
Hong-bin's face wrinkled in disinterest as he turned back around, slumped over in disappointment. "I don't want to anymore," he mumbled, and the rest of the bath was done in complete silence.    
  
Later that night, Hong-bin stood resolutely by the door, the pajamas that Joon-myeon had given him originally held close to his chest. Hak-yeon paused from dressing to look at him, knowing already what he was doing. "Hong-bin, I told you. Taek-woon isn't here. Let hyung help you."   
  
"But Taek-woon hyung always puts Bin to bed. Bin can't sleep unless Taek-woon hyung puts Bin to bed." Hak-yeon stared at him exasperatedly, realizing now why the other had always been so fussy since deciding to stay with the others. It hadn't been obvious at first, but Hak-yeon could only guess that after seeing Taek-woon and him being sent away, this was Hong-bin's way of telling him he was upset.    
  
Hak-yeon sighed as he went to the other's side and wrapped his arms around Hong-bin's middle, pulling him in close. "I'm sorry, little Binnie. I know you miss Taek-woonie. I miss him too. But someone is hurting the dolls, and I don't want them to hurt him. You don't want him to get hurt right?" Hong-bin hurriedly shook his head and Hak-yeon kissed his cheek. "Once we figure this out, we'll go home. We'll see him again, I promise. Can you wait until then?"   
  
Hong-bin nodded sadly, and Hak-yeon gave him another kiss on the forehead before leading him to bed.


	23. Chapter 23

Sang-hyuk shivered in the cool spring air, mood high and his bag light, deciding to give Saet-byul a surprise and visit her at work after his classes unannounced. It had been a little over a week since they'd all had dinner over at Saet-byul's, and he hadn't gotten a single message from her. While it wasn't too strange to not hear anything from her for a few days, she had never gone this long without even a call. Sang-hyuk had always been the one she would go to when she was struggling or hurting.   
  
He figured she was still in pain from seeing Hak-yeon; she had been acting strange throughout the whole dinner, what with her snapping at Hak-yeon and bringing out her brother. The way her brother had been was suspicious, and the way she had acted with him just as strange, but Sang-hyuk was pulling back now. He was regarding her as a friend and nothing else, and that included stopping from over-thinking things that Saet-byul didn't want him looking into.    
  
And as a friend, he was able to give her a surprise visit with no other intention than to brighten her day. It would probably be a long while before he would be able to be completely rid of his feelings, but he was proud of himself for his progress so far.    
  
He grinned as he swung the door open to the little café, the smile vanishing when he noticed that the one standing at the counter was  _not_ Saet-byul. He looked around confusedly, wondering if she was cleaning or busy doing something else. He eventually went up to the counter, the guy watching him with a raised eyebrow and disinterested look.    
  
"Can I help you?" he asked, eyes looking him over. Sang-hyuk felt his face flush in embarrassment, and he shifted uneasily.   
  
"I was wondering if Saet-byul was here today."   
  
"Her? She was fired yesterday."   
  
"Fired?" he asked in astonishment. "W-why was she fired? What happened?"   
  
The guy shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "She hasn't come in for over a week and wouldn't answer calls. We don't tolerate that kind of behavior and fired her. We left her a call but she didn't respond to that either."   
  
"She didn't answer?" He let out a shaky breath when the cashier only nodded, running both hands through his hair.  _What happened?_ Saet-byul had been doing so well; she hadn't had to have therapy or pills in over a year and a half, had actually started to take steps to move on before Hak-yeon reappeared. She hadn't reverted to this kind of behavior in so long-- it was partly why Sang-hyuk had been so against her meeting Hak-yeon again. He had seen her at her lowest, and now that she had been moving up, the last thing he wanted to see was her falling again.   
  
Thanking the cashier, he quickly ran out and dialed Saet-byul again, praying for her to pick up. There was no answer, and while he had just told himself he wasn't going to bother himself in things related to her that she wanted to keep hidden, he dialed Jae-hwan. Besides himself, Jae-hwan was probably the only person she would allow to see her when she was like this. It took a couple tries before Jae-hwan picked up, his voice tired.    
  
 _"Sang-_ _hyuk_ _?"_  the other asked, and Sang-hyuk wondered what was bothering Jae-hwan, the other very rarely calling him by name alone.    
  
"Hyung? Have you heard from Saet-byul recently?" He could hear a shuffling on the other end as Jae-hwan mumbled something to someone else, more than likely Won-shik. It was a couple minutes before he responded, his voice still detached as if he wasn't truly paying attention.    
  
 _"No, why?"_    
  
"She hasn't responded to any of my calls for over a week, and when I went to see her at work they told me she was fired because she hasn't come in. I'm worried about her. She's never gone this long without contacting me."   
  
 _"She what?"_  Jae-hwan cried, Sang-hyuk finally having his attention.    
  
"Hyung, I'm coming over. I'm worried about her but I'm afraid I'm the worst person to talk to her right now."   
  
 _"Wait, Hyukkie, I don't think-"_    
  
"I promise I won't be long. I'm just really worried." He could hear Jae-hwan talking again, sounding like he was begging, and Sang-hyuk frowned. "If...if you really can't have me over, it's okay-"   
  
 _"What? No sorry, it's just-- ah, can we meet somewhere else Hyukkie? Here....right now it's not a good idea."_    
  
"Yeah...is everything alright?"   
  
 _"Yeah, I'll explain later. Hold on, I'm heading out right now. Give me a couple minutes."_  Sang-hyuk could hear Won-shik say something quietly before the line went dead, and Sang-hyuk pocketed his phone, confused.    
  
  
"Sorry," Jae-hwan said after they had found a small little shop to eat a late lunch, Jae-hwan insisting despite Sang-hyuk saying he wasn't hungry. Not that he refused; Sang-hyuk wasn't about to turn down free food. Sang-hyuk looked up from his phone to see Jae-hwan wipe his nose, looking apologetic. "I didn't mean to make you think I didn't want you over or anything. Won-shik...he's been struggling."   
  
"What happened?"    
  
"It's complicated. But he found out something that's very painful for him, and he's been struggling to come to terms with it. He's not doing too well right now, which is why I felt it wouldn't be a good idea to have you over. I promise you can come over any other time, though."   
  
"It's fine. I only was going to come over because I thought it would be easier since you were already home."   
  
"Ah, that's right. You were saying something about Saet-byul. What happened to her?"   
  
"She hasn't been messaging me since we visited her, and I found out she's been fired from her job because she hadn't come in. I'm worried about her."   
  
"Have you gone to check on her?"   
  
Sang-hyuk shook his head, his lips pressed as he steadied himself. "I'm afraid I would be the last one she wants to see. She's probably like this from seeing Hak-yeon again, but...now that she knows how I feel I don't know if she'd want to see me. I did tell her how much I hated hearing her talk about him when with me..."   
  
Jae-hwan nodded his head with a sad smile, laying a hand on Sang-hyuk's shoulder. "Saet-byul really loves you, as both a friend and a confident. You're right in that she probably doesn't want to see you right now, but it's not because of what you're thinking. I'm sure Saet-byul is just over-thinking again, and is trying not to hurt you. You know how she is."   
  
"I know," he paused as the waitress came over to put down their plates of burgers and fries, Sang-hyuk pausing in mild disgust at how quickly Jae-hwan started shoving food in his mouth, the elder throwing out a mumbled  _"Hey, haven't had much time to eat when cuddling_ _a blubbering Won-shik"_ , before continuing, "but I'm still worried. She was doing really well, you saw. She had that job for three months, I thought she was finally getting better."   
  
"Not everyone can get better that quickly. There's bound to be times when she'll feel like she can't handle it. I'm sure seeing Hak-yeon was the reason. She looked like she was barely hanging on back at dinner."   
  
"But she always calls  _someone._  If neither you nor I know anything, I'm worried."   
  
"If it makes you feel better, I'll give her a call. I'd still give her space if she's really doing this to calm herself. I'll give her a couple more days, if she doesn't respond by then I'll go check on her. How's that?"    
  
It truthfully didn't make him feel that much better, wanting to go and check on her right away, but he knew Jae-hwan was right. This unfortunately wasn't the first time Saet-byul has done this, though it's been the first time she's done it after having improved so much. She had never hurt herself, mostly just hiding away for days and refusing to eat, so there was little reason to be panicking. Not to mention she still had her parents to watch over her. He just wished he had some confirmation that she was okay.  
  
But he was still thankful Jae-hwan was going to keep up on her, and he gave the other a grateful nod.    
  
\--  
  
He missed Taek-woon. He loved his Hak-yeon hyung very, very much, and his whole insides twisted around happily whenever Hak-yeon did something like wake him up or help him bathe. But those were things Taek-woon would do, and as much as he loved loved loved Hak-yeon doing it, he wanted Taek-woon to do it. He liked the feel of Taek-woon helping him wash, Taek-woon helping him get dressed, Taek-woon always there even when Bin would get upset and yell at him.    
  
He liked living with his other hyungs, but he missed being in Taek-woon's apartment. He wanted to go back, but Hak-yeon said it was dangerous to go back because of the dolls, and while Bin didn't fully understand, he stayed. He didn't want Taek-woon to be touched by the dolls. He didn't want to see him in pain or dying because of the dolls.    
  
But one thing he missed about Taek-woon, he thought as he gloomily followed Hak-yeon downstairs, was Taek-woon always treated Bin like an adult. He watched as Kyung-soo cried sadly in the corner with Baek-hyun comforting him, Joon-myeon talking quietly with Hak-yeon while Yixing tried talking with Jong-dae. No one would tell Bin anything, whispering to each other and stopping whenever he got close to listen. Hak-yeon did it too, and Bin wanted Hak-yeon to tell him what was happening. Bin wanted to understand, would try his hardest to understand. He wanted to help his hyungs, wanted to make Hak-yeon smile again and go home.    
  
But Hak-yeon would always kiss Bin's cheek and tell him not to worry, that he would take care of it. Bin's head would always go fuzzy when Hak-yeon did that, and Hak-yeon knew that, would always do it so he wouldn't have to tell him anything.    
  
He left Hak-yeon talking with Joon-myeon to sit by Jong-dae and Yixing. He liked Jong-dae; even though he said weird things and would scream sometimes, Jong-dae would talk to Bin as if he understood. Bin wanted to understand so badly, so he listened as best he could.    
  
"Binnie!" Jong-dae called, turning away from Yixing completely to pull him into a hug. "You have to stay safe Binnie, don't let her get you."   
  
"I won't," he said, trying his hardest to figure out who Jong-dae was talking about. It couldn't have been  _her,_  Hak-yeon said she was taken away and would never touch them again. "Bin will stay with Jong-dae hyung."    
  
Jong-dae shook his head, grabbing onto his hands and squeezing them so tightly Bin winced. "I'm not safe Binnie. She's probably looking for me now, she already killed Se-hun in front of me. None of us are safe, you have to hide alone."   
  
He pulled his hands away, scooting away while shaking. "I-I can't leave Hak-yeon hyung. Bin...I have to stay with Hak-yeon hyung."   
  
Jong-dae shook his head again, growling when Yixing tried to calm him down. "No! She hates Hak-yeon the most! It's not safe!" Hak-yeon had heard Jong-dae's shouts, hurriedly running over and pulling him away while Chan-yeol and Yixing worked on holding Jong-dae down. "She's going to kill Hak-yeon, stay away from him! Not safe, it's not safe Binnie!" Hak-yeon shoved Bin's head into his chest, a hand clasped over his ear to block away Jong-dae's cries. He clung onto Hak-yeon tightly, shaking.    
  
Hak-yeon couldn't die.    
  
Hak-yeon  _wouldn't_  die.    
  
"Ha-Hak-yeon hyung won't die. W-won't die," he stuttered out, listening to how frantically Hak-yeon's heart was racing. Hak-yeon looked down at him, showering him with light kisses.   
  
"I won't die," he said reassuringly. "I will never leave my Hong-binnie alone."   
  
"Won't die," he repeated, focusing on the feel of Hak-yeon's warmth and touch, focusing on how  _real_  he was. Hak-yeon wouldn't die.    
  
They had just gotten Jong-dae to quiet down when the phone rang, and everyone froze as they stared at the phone in fear. Bin was slightly confused why it would be scary; he used it to call Taek-woon sometimes, and he'd seen Taek-woon answer it lots of times without being scared. Hak-yeon didn't seem to understand either, watching everyone curiously as Joon-myeon slowly made his way over, looking as if just picking up the phone would kill him.    
  
"H-hello?" Joon-myeon asked, his face scrunching up before turning around, looking around the room until he saw Yixing. "Yixing, you'll have to take this. I can't understand Chinese." Yixing hesitated, slowly working his hand out of Jong-dae's grip as he took the phone. Hak-yeon started petting Bin's head as Yixing talked, and he found it very hard to listen when all he could feel was Hak-yeon's hand in his hair. He loved when Hak-yeon played with his hair.    
  
He was able to hear Lu Han's name mentioned, some other things said before Yixing hung up the phone and turned back to them. Hak-yeon stopped petting his head then, and the world became crystal clear again.    
  
"Lu Han's gone missing," he said quietly, a grimace on his face. "That was his girlfriend-"   
  
"Woah, Lu's got a  _girlfriend?"_  Chan-yeol asked in wonder, and despite Joon-myeon's exasperated look Baek-hyun joined in.    
  
"The guy's got some major balls. Super jealous, wish I was able to go out and get-"   
  
"Baek-hyun," Hak-yeon hissed warningly, hands planted firmly over Bin's ears. Baek-hyun winced and quickly bit his lips, and Bin wondered what the other was going to say. He looked up at Hak-yeon who gave him a sweet smile, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Our Hong-binnie doesn't need to hear things like that."   
  
"But I don't understand-"   
  
 _"His girlfriend called,"_  Yixing cut in, glaring over at Chan-yeol and Baek-hyun, "and said he's been missing for a few days now. He'd given her our number in case anything ever happened to him." That took the smiles off everyone's faces, and Bin fidgeted in Hak-yeon's arms. "All she was able to find was that he'd bought a ticket for Seoul." Bin looked at everyone's sad faces, confused. He still didn't understand who was kidnapping the dolls, only that everyone seemed to know except for him. He wished they would tell him. He wanted to understand.  
  
"Do you think it's the dolls?" Chan-yeol asked quietly.   
  
"It has to be," Yixing muttered. "What are the odds Se-hun is killed like that, Jong-in goes missing-" Kyung-soo whimpered, "- _and_  Lu Han all vanish like that? It's oddly specific that it's only happening to the freed dolls. It has to be."   
  
"Is it Saet-byul?"   
  
"N-no," Hak-yeon cried desperately. "It can't be her. She wouldn't do this."    
  
"Hak-yeon," Joon-myeon said in a voice that made Bin want to hit him. He didn't like when they talked to Hak-yeon like that. "You  _know_ there's a very little chance it could be someone other than Saet-byul. You  _know_  that."   
  
"And I'm telling you, it  _has_  to be someone other than her. She has no interest in dolls. She wouldn't-"   
  
"If it's not her, then who would it be? Who else would know about the dolls and that you can kill us with them?" Hak-yeon faltered, tears in his eyes, and Bin jumped up to hug him comfortingly. He glared at Joon-myeon for making Hak-yeon cry, and he could tell the other was taken aback. "I'm not saying this to upset you, just that there's very little possibility it's not her. Just think about it, who else could it be?"   
  
"It's not her! She wouldn't do this! It can't-"   
  
"You're a special doll," Kyung-soo whispered, and they all turned to face the drawn boy, his one good eye focused on the floor. Bin stared at the bandage on his other eye, could tell it was hurt with the doll. It would never heal. "You're going to defend her regardless."   
  
"...special doll?" Hak-yeon stared at all of them, noticing how they all looked away, Joon-myeon mouthing frustratingly at Kyung-soo. "What does that mean?"   
  
Joon-myeon answered, though he looked hesitant and incredibly sad. "Most dolls don't have their maker's blood on it. Yours does...it makes you a special doll."   
  
"Saet-byul's blood? Y-yeah, her mother cut her arm to get her blood. I-I thought everyone had that-"   
  
"No, none of us do. There's was one doll we've met that had Eun-ji's blood on it. It drove him insane-- the doll would do anything to make Eun-ji even look at him, was desperate to have her even  _touch_  him. It...it was horrifying."    
  
"He was like that even before I got there," Baek-hyun added solemnly. "She used to taunt us that we could end up like that, but none of us ever did. We used to think she would do something that would make us like that, but we figured out it's because she added her own blood to it."   
  
"It'll work that way, even with Saet-byul's blood."   
  
Hak-yeon was shaking, his face devastated, and Bin quickly helped him sit down. Everyone moved to help but Bin glared at them until they stepped back. He was angry; why would they tell Hak-yeon about Joong? That doll was changed because he made  _her_  angry, had hit  _her_. So she changed him. Called him and he changed. That wouldn't happen to Hak-yeon.  _He wouldn't_   _let it._  He looked back to Hak-yeon, Hak-yeon's eyes unfocused. "Hyung..."   
  
"Saet-byul...does she know? Does she know about the special dolls?"   
  
"I...I don't know." Hak-yeon's voice was shaky, and Bin held him tighter. "S-she was having lessons, but she was only learning about h-how to put the dolls together. I-I don't think...I don't think she k-knows..."   
  
"Then there's a chance she doesn't know. Something has to be done to make you like that, if she doesn't do it you're safe." Hak-yeon shook his head, burying his head in his hands, and Bin started petting his head. He didn't know if it made Hak-yeon as happy as it made him, but he would do whatever he could to stop his hyung from crying.    
  
"T-there's no way Hak-yeon hyung will be like that," he said stiffly, sticking his lip out determinedly when Hak-yeon looked up at him. "Bin will make sure Hak-yeon hyung won't be like that."   
  
"Thank you, Binnie," Hak-yeon mouthed, his smile brightening his whole world.    
  
\--   
  
 _"That's too bad."_    
  
 _"Another, another."_    
  
 _"The next one will definitely work. Next one."_    
  
 _She stared sadly at the burnt remains in front of her, little pieces of bone still flickering with the licks of the flame. She had hoped that using bleach to remove the blood would have worked, was sure it would. She stared down at the two remains in front of her, her lip trembling. She thought she had been so lucky-- two dolls came in this time. She only called one but another was following right behind, calling out confusedly until he saw her. He had been shocked, confused, but she had him then, and she trapped the two of them._  
  
 _She bleached the blood on the first doll, but she had only been halfway through cleaning his heart before he burst into flames. She thought she had been too slow, so she drenched the second one completely in bleach. She ignored his choking sounds and how he thrashed around, only sighing when he too started on fire._  
  
 _She sighed as she threw the doll into a growing pile of those that had died, reaching over and grabbing another. She had already gone through three of them, and she only had a few more left. She had to figure it out soon. She had to figure out how to free N without killing him._  
  
 _She just wished she didn't have to kill these ones to figure it out._    
  
 _"Don't worry about them."_    
  
 _"The more you kill, the quicker you'll figure out to free him."_    
  
 _"You can do it. It's not that hard."_    
  
 _"Kill kill kill! Kill all of them!"_    
  
 _"Kill kill kill kill kill kill!"_    
  
 _She tried her best to ignore them as she whispered to come to her into the doll's ear. She just had to wait until the doll arrived at her doorstep, absolutely unable to ignore her command._  
  
 _She didn't want to kill._  
  
 _She only wanted to save N._    
  
 _If she saved him, freed him, then he can love her._  
  
 _He'll love her._    
  
 _She didn't care what that one doll said._  
  
 _As long as he wasn't a doll, he could love her._  
  
 _She will wait for him._


	24. Chapter 24 {interlude}

_He hadn't wanted her. His_   _mother had seen her sitting alone in the orphanage and couldn't pass by, especially when she heard her story. Something about being a criminal's daughter. He had opposed it, saying the girl looked creepy and probably didn't want to be adopted, but his mother was firm. She didn't want the girl to live with such a stigma, and was ready to raise her as her own so the girl could live a normal, happy life._  
  
_His mother should have goddamn listened to him, he thought as he lay uncomfortably on the floor, his body bound again. He knew Yoon Saet-byul had always had something strange about her, had hated how his parents focused all their attention on her to make her feel welcome and loved. He hated watching her being so pampered when the girl did nothing in return, locked in her room for days and refusing to speak with them._  
  
_And then one day it was as if nothing happened, Saet-byul suddenly so friendly and happy, acting as if five years hadn't passed where she gave his parents hell. It infuriated him, disgusted him when she started calling him 'oppa' and following him around as if he was a precious older brother. He hadn't meant to actually hurt her the first time, just a slap to get her away from him. But she_  liked  _it, would come to him all the time and looking so happy when he hit her._  
  
_It made him even angrier, he didn't want to do things to make her happy. She was a little orphan girl who came into his family, a girl who did nothing in return to the people who had devoted their lives to making her life better. She was a girl who got off on him hitting her._  
  
_But then one day she exploded, accusing him of hurting her and how could he even dare hurt her precious 'N'. He didn't know who 'N' was, why she was suddenly so angry when she had been practically begging him to hit her. He didn't know what hit him when suddenly his arm was bleeding, his head throbbing as she hurriedly stitched his hair to a doll and drenched it in his blood. The way she had looked at him chilled him to the bone, the smile she gave as she told him that he was hers now, that she would repay him for all the pain he inflicted on her 'N'._  
  
_He was so confused, he had no idea what was going on besides the fact that she could hurt him when she touched that doll. She wouldn't explain anything to him, would glare at him with the utmost contempt, and he could only stare. She did something so he couldn't speak._  
  
_His parents were confused at his sudden "sickness", wondering why he didn't want to leave his bed. He had to watch as Saet-byul would sweetly tell them she'll take care of them, watch as his parents happily agreed. She better not touch his parents, he would figure out some way to kill her if she did. The day she brought all her friends over and paraded them in front of him, she had somehow sent his parents away; he could only hope they weren't hurt or turned into one of these dolls. He wouldn't wish this on anyone._  
  
_He watched as she started to grow crazy, something he always knew was bound to happen, watched her talk to herself_   _as she tore and tortured dolls. They started knocking on the door, one the first time, two coming the second time. She was trying to get the blood off, scraping the blood with a knife the first time and bleaching them the second time. He screamed inwardly when they suddenly combusted, terrified for the first time at whatever Saet-byul was._  
  
_She didn't look fazed in the least, just grabbing another doll. They were coming faster and faster, her wasting less and less time in between each one. Those two weren't even dead for five minutes before she grabbed the next one. He shivered; he didn't know who these people were, didn't know how many of them she had, but he only prayed that she continued to forget his existence. The others looked like they were in great pain as she worked, screaming when they burst into flames. It terrified him that this was waiting for him._  
  
_She had always seemed so distant when they came, almost resigned._  
  
_Until he came._  
  
_Her face lit up at the next one that showed up at their doorstep, his face still expressionless as if in a daze. She ran up and took his hands in hers, pulling him in slightly before locking the door behind him. It was a couple seconds before the daze wore off, him blinking confusedly before landing on Saet-byul. They widened in hate and fear, him stumbling back when she grinned._  
  
_"Hello Baek-hyun." Baek-hyun fell back into the door, his face contorted in pain as he slid to the floor, his eyes never leaving her. She crouched down in front of him, tilting her head innocently as she looked him over. "What, does that hurt? Hmm, Baek-hyun?" Baek-hyun cried out as he huddled in on himself, trying his best to crawl away. Her smile vanished, ripping his doll out of her pocket and forcing him back, a hand shooting out and grabbing his collar. Baek-hyun's eyes were wide in terror as she leaned in, her eyes wide and lips pulled out in a snarl._  
  
_"It's all your fault," she ground out, her hand shaking. "None of this would have happened if it wasn't for you!" His eyes darted to the doll in her hand, widening even more when her fingers adjusted so they wrapped around its neck._  
  
_"S-Saet-byul-"_  
  
_"Ahh, now I'm Saet-byul? I thought I was just a 'thing'." She squeezed the neck gently, laughing when his whole body seized up, tears running down his cheeks as he shook. "I was just a 'thing' that hung off N." He coughed, gasping for air, and she growled as she released him, throwing him away as she stood up._  
  
_"It's your fault that I hear them, that they force me to do this." She walked away, Baek-hyun just gasping and crying where she left him. He could faintly hear her in the kitchen, sounds of banging of cupboards and the sink running echoing in the empty house. "If all of you had just left me alone, let me try and bring N back to me on my own, none of this would have happened. I didn't want anything to do with the dolls. I hated them. I would have left you all alone."_  
  
_She came back in with a giant tub of water, some water sloshing over as she set it on the floor. Baek-hyun stared at her in horror, and even he wondered what she was going to do. This wasn't how she normally was, wasn't her just trying to clean the doll. Her face was so animated, filled with so much hate. He gulped, for the first time glad that he wasn't able to move. The last thing he wanted was for her to lash out on him._  
  
_Not like this._  
  
_She went back over to Baek-hyun, grabbing a handful of his hair and yanking him to his feet. Baek-hyun cried out painfully as he grabbed his head, trying to push her away and only causing her to pull harder. "This is all your fault!" She forced him over to the tub, not pausing for a moment before shoving his face into the water, holding him there despite how he thrashed. When it looked like he couldn't hold on any longer she pulled his head out, letting him gasp and cough._  
  
_"Why couldn't you let me be happy?" she asked, her voice breaking as tears of her own decorated her face. "I never touched any of you, wouldn't have bothered you. Why couldn't I be happy?"_  
  
_"Y-you..." Baek-hyun choked out, looking in so much pain with his hair still in her hand and water and spit running down his chin. "M-mot-mother...one day...d-doll...already made one. You already made...made a doll." Baek-hyun's eyes flickered over to him and she followed his eyes, her desperate eyes narrowing in hate at the sight of him. "C-couldn't...couldn't trust-"_  
  
_"I am not my mother!" she screamed as she shoved his head back in the water, pulling him up and dunking him back down again over and over, crying shrilly. "I am not her! None of you understand that! I never wanted to do anything like this, wanted to just live normally and happily with N! Why did none of you understand that?"_  
  
_"Stop! Please!" Baek-hyun begged, his hands gripping onto the edges of the tub as he tried to stop her from pushing his head in again. "Please Saet-byul!"_  
  
_She stopped at his begging, slowly letting go of his hair and standing up, staring down at his shaking form with the blankest of expressions. When Baek-hyun finally looked up at her hopefully, she whispered softly, serenely, "You're the one I want to die the most." He only had time to widen his eyes before she took his doll and forced him to put his own head in the tub. She repeated the process over and over, laughed at the sounds of his screams. He watched in horror, the sounds of Baek-hyun's choking and screams echoing in his ears , the cries mixing with the sound of absolute delight in Saet-byul's laugh._  
  
_She only stopped when his screams cut off abruptly, blinking confusedly when his body no longer moved, his head submerged in water._  
  
_"Baek-hyun?" she asked, kneeling down and shaking his shoulder. His hand slipped off the edge it had been holding, falling still by his side. She grabbed his soaked hair and lifted his head, his face blue and eyes closed. She let go and his head fell back in the water._  
  
_He watched her stand there, just staring at Baek-hyun's body, before she very slowly reached down and dropped the doll in the water. She scrubbed the doll until the blood started fading away, fading just enough that Baek-hyun's body burst into flames. She sighed again as she watched the fire die down, leaving only a pile of ash and specks of bone._  
  
_"I'm sorry," she whispered, though the way she spoke made him think she wasn't talking to the man she had just killed. "I...I enjoyed that too much."_  
  
_His heart leapt into his mouth as she turned her head to stare at him, a small curl at the edge of her lip. "Did you enjoy it?" she asked, tossing Baek-hyun's doll away as she crawled slowly up to him, her face only inches from his own. "Don't worry, I won't let you get off so easily. They crave too much from you, and even I want to see it. Though don't worry..."_  
  
_She leaned in until her lips barely brushed his cheek, her eyes wide and grin malicious._  
  
_"...I'll make sure your death is extremely painful."_  
  
_That was when he became truly afraid of Saet-byul._


	25. Chapter 25

"I'm going to go home."  
  
"What?" Jae-hwan squealed as he whirled around, having gotten up to throw away the empty bowl of soup he had finally managed to get him to eat. Won-shik sat up determinedly, the blanket that Jae-hwan had wrapped around his shoulders pooling around his waist.  
  
"I'm going to go home today. While you were asleep last night, I-I called Won-hye. I'm going to go home today."  
  
Jae-hwan hurriedly threw the bowl into the sink before running back to Won-shik's side, fretting around him but also looking afraid to touch him. He eventually placed his hands in his lap while biting his lip, his eyes staring at Won-shik's face in worry. "Are...are you sure? Do you think you can handle it?" He gave the other a shaky smile, nodding his head, and that was all it took for Jae-hwan to grab him in a bear hug, shuddering as he held him close. He wrapped his arms around his hyung's thin frame and hugged him back just as tightly, despite the confident tone he was terrified.  
  
He had wallowed for days on Jae-hwan's couch, his thoughts only on his mother and how he had missed her death only because he had been so stubborn. He had gone through and thought of what would have happened if he had never left; he imagined his mother would be fine, that she would have pulled through, that everything would have been resolved. In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have been so angry, if he had just stopped and thought about it, it was stupid to run away the way he did.  
  
He should have stayed.  
  
He was afraid to go back, afraid to see and hear the accusations on his father's and older brothers' faces, on  _Won-hye's_ face, that he had killed his mother. That it had been his fault. His mother had called for him, and he hadn't answered.  
  
But he couldn't be selfish, not anymore, after seeing how much his self-pitying had taken a toll on Jae-hwan. The elder tended to Won-shik like a mother of his own, bringing him blankets and food, making sure he ate and didn't die. At times he would wake up in the middle of the night to find himself in Jae-hwan's bed, the other cuddling him fast asleep. He was touched, thankful that he still had someone who loved and cared for him so unconditionally, yet it made him feel terrible.  
  
Even now, as Jae-hwan held him, he could feel how exhausted the other was.  
  
"I can drive you there," Jae-hwan said softly, and when he pulled away he could see the other's eyes were red, his lashes wet. "I'll be there for you Won-shik ah."  
  
He smiled sadly. "Thank you hyung."  
  
  
The drive there was quiet. Won-shik stole glances at Jae-hwan every so often, swallowed when he saw how tight his face was and how his knuckles on the steering wheel were bright white. He knew Jae-hwan, as much as he pushed him to go home and said he should reunite with his family, really wanted him to stay. He knew, had  _seen_ , how much Jae-hwan depended on him, and knew that Jae-hwan would really just want him to stay with him forever. He bit his lip, knowing there was nothing he could say to make the other feel better.  
  
It wasn't long until they got to his house, just the sight of the looming building bringing back terrible memories and shivers that ran down his spine. Jae-hwan parked a little ways away before looking at him, fighting to keep his everlasting smile on his face.  
  
"You can do it Wonnie," he said gently, his voice barely above a whisper. "If you ever need anything, call me and I'll be here right away."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"And if your dad hurts you, just let me know. I'll come and-"  
  
"Hyung, it...it'll be fine. I promise. Won-hye said they're excited to see me. I'd like to believe that's true." Jae-hwan nodded, sniffling, before crushing him in another hug. He could feel teardrops fall on his shoulder.  
  
"Be careful Won-shik." His voice was trembling.  
  
"I will. I...I don't know when I'll be home, but I'll call you. I'll be back. I promise."  
  
"Make  _sure_  you call. I want to hear that you're alright."  
  
"I promise."  
  
Jae-hwan had grabbed his hand at some point, rubbing his thumb over Won-shik's fingers. "I'm...I'm going to go see Saet-byul. Hyukkie's been saying she's having problems again. She's not far from here. If anything happens I won't be far, okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine. If Saet-byul's getting worse, you should check on her." He struggled to keep his voice steady to calm the other, ignoring how his heart was ramming against his chest. Jae-hwan gave him one last hug before Won-shik stepped out of the car, him giving his hyung one last wave before walking to the immense gate that stood out in front. He didn't have to wait long before the gate beeped open, the gatekeeper waving him in. He swallowed, sending Jae-hwan one last, longing look before stepping inside.  
  
"Won-shik oppa?" He looked up to see Won-hye step outside, and for a second he could only stare at what had been his little sister. The little girl he remembered had grown up and was so, so beautiful; he could only stare. Her whole face lit up at the sight of him, brushing her long hair behind her ears as she blinked, almost as if she couldn't believe she was really seeing him. Her infectious, bright smile grew as soon as she realized it was really him, laughing as she hurried down the steps and ran to him.  
  
She jumped into his arms the moment she reached him, wrapping her arms around his neck, sobbing loudly. "Oppa, it's really you. You're really here."  
  
He soothed her as he ran a hand down her back, burying his face in her shoulder, sobbing just as loudly. He never thought he would see her again, to hold her in his arms like this. "I'm here Won-hye ya," he choked out, refusing to let go. "Oppa's here."  
  
\--  
  
 _"Baek-hyun! Baek-hyunnie! Please come out, please!"_  The whole house was shaken when Chan-yeol started running down the hallway, screaming as he opened and slammed every door in a panic. Hak-yeon nearly had a heart attack when Chan-yeol burst into their room, Hong-bin clinging to him as Chan-yeol ripped their closet open. "Baek-hyun?" he cried, his voice hoarse and raw. "Where are you? Please stop hiding. Please!"  
  
"C-Chan-yeol?" Hak-yeon asked, jumping and pulling Hong-bin close to him when Chan-yeol turned around, his eyes wide and bloodshot.  
  
"Baek-hyun, h-he-- missing. Baek-hyunnie is missing. N-not here." Chan-yeol couldn't wait any longer, shooting out of the room and continuing to scream Baek-hyun's name. Hak-yeon kissed Hong-bin quickly on the forehead to calm him down before crawling out of bed. He could hear everyone else coming out as well, Chan-yeol's screams having woken everyone up.  
  
"Chan-yeol, calm down. What happened?" Joon-myeon limped out of his room, having run right out at the urgent tone in the other's voice. Chan-yeol didn't stop to answer him as he ran down the stairs, still screaming as he began to ransack the kitchen. By then everyone was awake, all gathering around Joon-myeon and watching Chan-yeol carefully, confused.  
  
"Did something happen to Baek-hyun?" Kyung-soo whispered out, jumping at the sound of glass breaking. Joon-myeon cursed as he hobbled down the stairs, the rest of them close behind. By the time they got to the kitchen, Chan-yeol's hands were covered in blood as he panted heavily in the middle of the room. Tears streaked his cheeks, each breath causing his whole body to shake and tremble with inconsolable anguish. Joon-myeon was the one to take a step forward, his hands up as he spoke slowly.  
  
"Chan-yeol...can you tell me what happened?"  
  
Chan-yeol didn't move for the longest time, his face scrunching up as he whimpered, his bloody hands coming up to try and wipe his eyes. When he turned to them, his tears had turned red. "Baek-hyun...Baek-hyunnie is missing. He's missing hyung." His voice broke, suddenly exhausted as he collapsed to the floor. Yixing and Kyung-soo rushed to help him, though Chan-yeol didn't do anything to fight them, only crying.  
  
"Please tell me hyung...please tell me she didn't touch him. Please tell me he's alright...please..." Joon-myeon faltered, for once looking at a loss for words. Chan-yeol looked up at him, his expression so lost and his eyes tear-filled. "Please hyung...he's alright...right? He's going to be okay..."  
  
"I...I don't know Chan-yeol..." That wasn't the answer Chan-yeol had wanted, burying his face in his hands as he cried, Baek-hyun's name the only coherent word.  
  
"Baek-hyun hyung..." Hong-bin whispered next to him, his eyes locked on Chan-yeol's sobbing form, "...did Saet-byul get him too?"  
  
Hak-yeon immediately tapped his lips in gentle chastisement. "You don't know if it's Byullie." Hong-bin looked surprised Hak-yeon had hit him, pulling away slightly as he pouted.  
  
"I told you," came Jong-dae's voice behind them, and Hak-yeon turned slightly to see the other hovering by the doorway, his eyes scanning over the mess in the room and locking on Chan-yeol crying. "I told you she was coming for us. She's going to kill us all. She killed Se-hun, killed him in front of me. She's going to kill all of us. She-"  
  
 _"No!"_ Chan-yeol roared, the grief and pain now contorting into unbridled rage. "Baek-hyun is  _not_ dead. He's going to be alright. Don't you  _dare_ try and say that again!" Jong-dae opened his mouth to retort, eyes wild, until Joon-myeon grabbed his arm firmly. The younger immediately pulled back, though he didn't look any less nervous.  
  
"Everyone needs to calm down," Joon-myeon said authoritatively, letting out a large breath. "Baek-hyun-- he's probably alright. He's strong, he wouldn't let her hurt him. Until he comes back, let's clean this up and eat breakfast."  
  
"B-but-" Chan-yeol whimpered, but Joon-myeon wouldn't let him speak.  
  
"You know he's going to make so much fun of you for crying like this when he comes back. Come on, let's get up and clean up your hands." He limped forward and held his hand out, Chan-yeol sniffling at him before tentatively taking it. "Yixing, why don't you and Kyung-soo work on breakfast?" Kyung-soo nodded while Yixing started picking up the broken glass with his hands. Joon-myeon frowned. "Yixing?" He reached down and touched the other's shoulder, causing him to jump, the glass in his hand tinkling to the floor. Yixing looked at him sheepishly, his cheeks tinted red.  
  
"I'm sorry. My ear has been hurting lately. It's been hard to hear."  
  
"Really?" Joon-myeon pushed some of Yixing's long locks to the side to check his ear, frowning. "I'll give you some medicine later. How's your other side?" Yixing just shrugged, shifting his head over so Joon-myeon could check his other ear-- Hak-yeon blinked when all he saw on the side of Yixing's head was a large puckered chunk of skin where his ear was supposed to be. It was red and swollen, and as Hak-yeon watched it flare up when Joon-myeon brushed it, it had probably been stitched together by the doll. "It's not too bad today. If it starts hurting I can give you a heating pad."  
  
"Thanks Joon-myeon," Yixing said sincerely, letting the other help him up. As he pushed him and Kyung-soo to start breakfast, Joon-myeon went to usher Chan-yeol to the bathroom. As they passed by, he stopped by Hak-yeon and Hong-bin, his face exhausted and shoulders slumped.  
  
"Why don't you two wait in your room? It'll probably be best to stay out of the way until we clean things up." Hak-yeon's hold on Hong-bin's shoulders stiffened, looking down to see Hong-bin's eyes locked on Chan-yeol's bloody hands.  
  
"Hong-binnie?" Hak-yeon asked gently, kissing his cheek to get his attention. Hong-bin glanced at him briefly before looking back to Chan-yeol's hands. Hong-bin refused to leave Chan-yeol's side, following behind and watching as Joon-myeon cleaned the wounds, picking out some glass shards and wrapping them in gauze. Chan-yeol smiled sadly when he noticed Hong-bin hovering at the door, ruffling his hair fondly.  
  
"I'm alright Binnie, don't worry about me."  
  
"Hurt," Hong-bin whimpered out, pointing to his hand.  
  
"It doesn't hurt, Joon-myeon hyung took care of it." Hong-bin didn't look convinced, glancing behind at Hak-yeon before tentatively reaching out and taking Chan-yeol's hand in his own. His motions hesitant, he brought Chan-yeol's hand to his mouth, pressing his lips lightly onto the gauze. They all looked down at him in surprise, and he quickly let go and melted into Hak-yeon's side.  
  
"Bin..." Chan-yeol whispered, touched, and Hong-bin buried his face into Hak-yeon's shirt.  
  
"Hak-yeon hyung...hyung always kisses Bin to make me feel better. I-I always feel good when Hak-yeon hyung kisses me..." Hak-yeon beamed down at his little Binnie as he planted a firm kiss on his forehead, so very proud of how much he had grown. A small smile grew on Hong-bin's embarrassed face, and he couldn't help but give him another kiss.  
  
"Thank you Bin, I feel much better already." Hong-bin's whole face lit up, and Chan-yeol gave a genuine smile for the first time that morning.  
  
  
"Are you alright?" Hak-yeon asked softly when he found Joon-myeon sitting in his room with his head in his hands, his crutches thrown down at his feet. The other flinched at the sound of his voice, his face guilty as if being caught doing something bad.  
  
"H-Hak-yeon, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Hong-bin fell asleep with Chan-yeol." Joon-myeon glanced behind him at the closed door down the hall, gulping as he looked back to Hak-yeon.  
  
"You should be getting some rest then. I know how much work it is to watch Binnie, you should take some time to relax." Hak-yeon's lips pursed, unhappy with his answer, and Joon-myeon faltered. "Don't look at me like that, you make me feel self-conscious." When Hak-yeon still didn't say anything, Joon-myeon sighed, patting the bed next to him. Hak-yeon sat down with a little distance between them, and the other sent him a sad smile.  
  
"I promise I'm alright. I'm just a little tired."  
  
"You don't need to exhaust yourself so much for them." Joon-myeon swallowed heavily as he looked back down at the floor, his hands folded. "They love you and rely on you, but you can't be killing yourself like this."  
  
"I'm the only one that can." His voice was so defeated, cracking slightly. "Now that Chan-yeol is like that, there's no one else here that can lead and keep everyone together. You've seen Kyung-soo, and if no one's watching Jong-dae can be dangerous. Yixing can't hear well and..." He trailed off, but both knew who he was referring to.  
  
"If I don't do something, everything would fall apart. It's why...no matter what...I can't stop for even a minute. I can't let that happen to them." His shoulders shook as he fought against crying right there, and Hak-yeon reached over to gently pat his back. "I'm the oldest, they look to me for help. I've watched each one of them tortured and hurt in front of my very eyes, seen them at their worst. How can I think of that and ignore my duty as the eldest?"  
  
"Joon-myeon-"  
  
"And now that they're starting to disappear, everyone's paranoid and afraid. Someone...someone has to keep order. I...I'm doing at least that well...right?"  
  
"Of course. You're doing a wonderful job."  
  
The thankful smile Joon-myeon gave him then was the last time Hak-yeon saw him-- later that evening he was gone, his crutches still strewn across the floor.  
  
\--  
  
 _Her eyes widened in shock and pain the moment the next one knocked on the door, tears already springing to the edges of her eyes. He stepped inside the moment she opened the door, his right leg trailing limply behind him, and she closed the door behind him in a daze._  
  
 _'Kill him!'_  
  
 _'Punish!'_  
  
 _The voices were screaming in her head but she couldn't hear them, her eyes trailing over every detail of his face and her insides screaming that it couldn't possibly be him. It couldn't! His eyes blinked as he slowly came to, looking around confusedly before finally settling on her. She could see the relief, curiosity, fear, and regret pass over his eyes in that small glance he gave her._  
  
 _"J-Joon-myeon oppa..." she whispered, and immediately panicked when he collapsed to the floor in a pained cry. She knelt down next to him and cradled his head, wiping the sweat off his forehead as she waited for the pain to subside. His breathing was labored, his eyes squeezed shut as he gasped for air. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." It was some time before he was calm enough to open his eyes, a wistful smile on his lips._  
  
 _"Is that really you Saet-byul?" She nodded quickly, sniffling and trying to wipe away her tears. He let out a small chuckle, reaching up and wiping her tears for her. "You've grown up."_  
  
 _"O-oppa," she whimpered, "it c-can't be you."_  
  
 _'Kill him!'_  
  
 _'You need to figure out how to free him!'_  
  
 _'Tear him apart!'_  
  
 _'Punish! Punish!'_  
  
 _'Don't do it Saet-byul!'_  
  
 _She squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best to block the voices out of her head, barely feeling Joon-myeon's hand on her head. "Are you the one who's doing this?"_  
  
 _"I-I'm sorry," she whispered. "I...I..."_  
  
 _"Saet-byul...you know this isn't you. You had cried when you saw me as a doll. You're better than this."_  
  
 _"I can't help it...they won't leave me alone."_  
  
 _'Kill him!'_  
  
 _'Rip him to pieces!'_  
  
 _"Jong-in...Lu Han...Baek-hyun...did you really kill them?"_  
  
 _"I..."_  
  
 _'What are you waiting for?'_  
  
 _'KILL HIM!'_  
  
 _"I just want to free N. I want to free him from being a doll." The voices were growing louder in her head and it was getting harder to ignore them. Understanding flashed in Joon-myeon's eyes as he nodded, though he wasn't smiling anymore._  
  
 _"At least...you haven't been intentionally killing us. I knew you weren't like that."_  
  
 _"Oppa..."_  
  
 _"Is that what you're going to do to me too?" She hesitated. That wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to touch Joon-myeon. She still remembered him, remembered how her mother had brought him home, told him he was a nice man who was visiting. He was really nice to her, he had even whispered conspiratorially to her once when her mother was cooking that he was going to ask her mother to marry him. She had really liked Joon-myeon. He had always been so sweet, even now, even when she was holding him with his doll in her pocket, he was treating her so kindly._  
  
 _"I don't..."_  
  
 _'You have to!'_  
  
 _'Do it!'_  
  
 _'Kill him! Rip him apart!'_  
  
 _"I won't hate you if you do," he said quietly, almost as if he had given up. "I would rather you do it to me than to any of the others. Just promise me," he grabbed her hand and held it tight, shaking, "you'll stop after me. Please Saet-byul."_  
  
 _"I-I can't...they won't let me...I have to free N. I have to..."_  
  
 _"Please Saet-byul, promise me you'll leave the others alone."_  
  
 _"Oppa...I can't..."_  
  
 _"Saet-byul-"_  
  
 _'Kill him!'_  
  
 _'Don't do it Saet-byul-'_  
  
 _'KILL HIM!'_  
  
 _"Saet-byul-"_  
  
 _'KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM-'_  
  
 _"Just stop!" she screamed as she threw Joon-myeon to the floor, pulling Joon-myeon's doll out and stabbing it with the knife she had prepared earlier. Joon-myeon coughed blood as his hand flew to his stomach, his shirt already soaked in blood. She cried out as she threw the knife down, her hands trying to stop the blood. "Joon-myeon oppa, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!"_  
  
 _Joon-myeon cried out in pain, his hand clutching hers. "S-Saet-b-byul...promise..."_  
  
 _"I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...!"_  
  
 _'KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM-'_  
  
 _"P-please...please...promise m-me..."_  
  
 _"I'm so sorry..."_  
  
 _"Saet-byul...promise me...!"_  
  
 _"Oppa, I can't-- the voices, they won't let me-"_  
  
 _'KILL HIM!'_  
  
 _"Saet-byul-"_  
  
 _"I can't!" she shrieked as she stabbed the knife into Joon-myeon's doll, his gurgled cries ringing in her ears. The voices squealed in delight, crying for her to do it again, to stab him again and again until there was nothing left of him. No, she couldn't do that. Not to Joon-myeon. She looked over to the cleaning chemicals she had prepared earlier, glancing over at Joon-myeon who was struggling to breathe. "I'm sorry oppa," she cried as she opened the bottle and poured it over his doll, using her fingers to brush against the blood as hard as she could._  
  
 _Joon-myeon_ screamed,  _thrashing about as he tried to grab a hold of her, crying for her to promise. Even when he was dying, he was still trying to protect the others._  
  
 _She had really loved Joon-myeon._  
  
 _'Keep going!'_  
  
 _'So well! You're doing so well!'_  
  
 _'Again!'_  
  
 _'Again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again-'_  
  
 _'Goddamnit, stop it Yoon Saet-byul! Stop!'_  
  
 _She jerked away, her fingers burning terribly against the harsh chemicals, to see the remnant flickers of the fire that had engulfed Joon-myeon's body, panting heavily. She hadn't even noticed he'd burned. She could feel tears on her cheeks, her whole face burning every time she tried to brush them away with her burning fingers._  
  
 _The voices were gone now._  
  
 _But so was Joon-myeon._  
  
 _"I'm sorry...Joon-myeon oppa," she wept, brushing the ash and bone that was left in his wake. "I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry..."_  
  
 _And then the sound of something clattering to the floor grabbed her attention, her looking up to see Jae-hwan staring down at her._


	26. Chapter 26

_"Jae-hwannie, Mommy wants you to wait here while Daddy and I talk with the nice lady here. Can you do that for Mommy?"_  
  
 _Little Jae-hwan nodded determinedly as he gave his mother the brightest smile he could, focusing and engraving the grateful smile his mother gave in return to his memory. His parents were so rarely home, the nice neighbor lady watching over him when they were gone. He had been so excited that his parents came home, and his mother even offered that they all go out and have a family day. He had spent the night before creating a list of all the things he wanted to do with them: the amusement park, eat ice-cream, watch a movie, go to the arcade, to have them both cuddle with him in bed with him in the middle._  
  
 _He actually would have been happy with just the cuddling._  
  
 _He just loved his parents' attention._  
  
He blinked his eyes open, his head throbbing and his whole body heavy, and he was vaguely aware of the sound of crying. For some reason, he wasn't able to move, his fingers refusing to even curl, the only thing able to move being his eyes. He looked around for the crying to finally see Saet-byul at the corner of his vision. He squinted, trying to turn his head to say something to her when he found his voice lost, and he began to panic when he realized he really wasn't able to move.  
  
She eventually looked up at him, her whole face red and puffy, tears and snot running down her face. "I'm so sorry," she cried, rubbing uselessly at her eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. I-I didn't mean to. But I got so s-scared..." She reached over and caressed his cheeks, and his eyes widened when he saw blood on her hands when she pulled away.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered, and he felt himself fall back into unconsciousness, the sounds of Saet-byul apologizing fading away with him.  
  
 _"I told you Jae-hwan, they're not coming back. They already filled out the paperwork, you belong here now."_  
  
 _He didn't want to listen to him, shifting the small backpack filled with toys he had prepared for their family day on his shoulders. He didn't want to believe that his parents had really abandoned him at the orphanage, refused even when the headmaster showed him their signatures. That was something that only happened in movies he watched with the nice neighbor lady. His parents weren't that bad, they were always so sweet and loving when they did come home. They wouldn't abandon him._  
  
 _So he waited, waited at the stairwell where his mother had asked him to wait._  
  
 _He waited, and waited...and waited._  
  
 _They didn't come back._  
  
It was dark when he opened his eyes again, and his head hurt a little less this time. He was sitting up, a blanket draped over his legs and an itchy bandage wrapped around his head. Saet-byul was on the other side of the room, her knees drawn under her chin as she stared forlornly at a makeshift doll in her hands. He tried to call her only to find his voice still gone, his body still refusing to move. He couldn't even whimper to get her attention, though she did glance over and start when she noticed he was awake.  
  
"You're awake," she said quickly, jumping to her feet and grabbing a piece of bread off the table next to her. She ran to his side and pulled a piece off, running her finger over the doll's mouth before shoving it in his mouth. He coughed in surprise when he found his mouth free, and he looked at her in panic and fear, swallowing as fast as he could.  
  
"Saet-byul, what's going on? What's happening? Why can't I move?"  
  
She didn't answer him right away, shoving another piece of bread in his mouth while avoiding his eyes. "I never wanted this to happen," she said sadly, waiting until he finished before putting another piece in his mouth. "Why did you come here? Why...why did you have to see?"  
  
He was still confused, trying to figure out what she was talking about. "Sang-hyuk was worried about you, you were fired from your job and weren't answering him. He asked me to come see you." He winced when his head suddenly throbbed, and Saet-byul hurriedly leaned forward as she checked his bandage. He watched her, her face only inches from his own, and he was able to see how gaunt she had grown, her cheeks sunken and her eyes having large, dark rings around them. "Saet-byul...what's going on?"  
  
"I was scared," she murmured, her voice shaking. "When I saw you...and you saw what happened...I was scared you would tell N. I couldn't have you telling N what happened..."  
  
Jae-hwan glanced behind Saet-byul to see her brother propped up in a similar fashion, and for a second their eyes locked. He gulped when he saw the pleading, desperate look the man sent him, and he wondered if he was like this even back at the dinner. Whatever this was. With each passing second he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what happened anymore.  
  
"Your brother...did you do this to him too?"  
  
The change in her expression was so fast it scared him, her glaring as she took the plate she was holding and chucking it at her brother, the ceramic shattering where it landed next to his foot. Jae-hwan couldn't help but yelp at the sound, and she hurriedly whirled back to him, her face apologetic. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I...please don't compare yourself to Jung-hoon, you're nothing like him." Jae-hwan glanced over to see her brother tense up in pain, and he shuddered.  
  
"What did you do to me...to him...?"  
  
She shook her head, crying. "They made me...said I couldn't let you escape. You would tell N. I had to turn you into a doll. It was the only way. I'm so sorry."  
  
"A doll?"  
  
She slowly pulled out the doll she had been holding earlier, and it reminded him of the one she used to carry when she talked about Hak-yeon. She shifted it in her hold so he could get a look at it, and his whole body grew cold at the sight. Something about the doll terrified him. She stroked the doll's head and he inwardly panicked when it felt like a hand ran through his own hair, the feeling light and ghostly.  
  
"You're a doll now...you're mine." She pricked the doll's stomach with a needle, and he screamed in fear and pain when he felt a sharp sting in his own stomach. Cold, terrifying realization dawned on him when he looked from the doll to Saet-byul's guilty look. A doll...a voodoo doll...is that what she turned him into? Was that even real? But the throbbing pain in his side was very, very real, and his throbbing head only grew worse.  
  
He didn't realize he was crying until Saet-byul wiped his tears for him.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered tenderly, her thumb brushing his eyelashes. "I really didn't want to touch you. You were the last person I would want  to turn into a doll. You and Hyukkie...you're my only friends." She was crying again, but he could only focus on Sang-hyuk's name.  
  
"Sang-hyuk," he coughed out, "don't touch Sang-hyuk. Don't do this...this...whatever this is. Don't, please Saet-byul."  
  
"I would never. If you hadn't seen me I wouldn't have turned you either. Why did you have to come? Why Jae-hwan?" He screamed when his body felt like it was on fire, his skin burning and his insides twisting violently, and Saet-byul clasped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry, I forgot I can't say your name anymore, it's bad luck. I...I'll have to think of a new name for you."  
  
Name...a new name...he looked up at her in horror, swallowing the large lump in his throat. "New name...N...is that why you call Hak-yeon, N? Is Hak-yeon...is he a doll too?"  _Is that why he tried to run away?_  
  
"N is  _mine,_ " she said sternly, all previous guilt and tenderness gone as she glared at him, and she lifted the doll to her lips. "Sleep."  
  
 _After a while, the headmaster convinced him to go to school and be a good boy while he waited for his parents, that maybe if he was good enough they would come back for him. He had to go to a new school, his parents taking him far away from home before leaving him. But they would come back, so he was just going to be good until then. Then they would take him home and everything would be okay again._  
  
 _The other orphanage boys told his new classmates that he had been abandoned on the doorsteps, them all calling him dumb and stupid for waiting every day for them to come back. They mocked him because he had been abandoned when he was ten; they had been jealous that he had memories of his parents when most could only remember the orphanage. His classmates laughed at him, pointed and laughed, but when he didn't react to their shouts, since he was convinced his parents would come back, they grew tired of him._  
  
 _No one would look at him, spare him a passing glance, and soon even teachers in the classroom would rarely call on him. As the days turned to weeks, the weeks turning to months and his parents still not coming back, he grew afraid and lonely when no one would speak to him. It was worse than when they would mock and make fun of him, to suddenly be so unimportant and insignificant people couldn't be bothered to notice him. People would legitimately forget he was in the room, the headmaster at one point forgetting his name. Ken, he called him once instead of Jae-hwan, mistaking him for the foreign child that had been dropped off at the orphanage a few months after him._  
  
 _He saw a couple bullies hitting one of his classmates, and he bunched his hands in his fists as he watched longingly, a part of him so jealous of his classmate. He was so invisible, so unwanted, the bullies wouldn't even look at him, let alone beat him up. He ran up to them, asking them to hit him instead, but all he got was a punch to the face and a jeer that he wasn't even worth beating up._  
  
 _So he did the only thing he could-- he smiled all the time and was as cheery as he could be. He learned quickly that smiles were all he needed; the headmaster noticed his smiles and bright attitude and remembered his name. The other orphanage boys knew he could tell good jokes and would come to him when they were bored or wanted to play games. His classmates would wait for him to think of something funny to do in class, laughing at whatever he said or when he did something stupid. His teachers were exasperated when he would disrupt class, kicking him out when he got to be too much._  
  
 _Nobody knew how much it hurt to put up that smile, how underneath was a little boy who just wanted to cry and see his parents again. Nobody knew about how he would spend days with the little light on in his room to look up good jokes, slaving away to make sure they were always new. Nobody knew how he hated having to throw away his pride to ridicule himself, how he hated being sent to detention or kicked out of class._  
  
 _But he couldn't dare let anyone know that._  
 _He had finally got their attention, everyone remembering the name Lee Jae-hwan, and he was not about to let that go because he was_ tired.  
  
 _Until one day there was a new student by the name of Kim Won-shik, a resident bad boy that had all the girls sighing and the boys glaring in jealousy. His parents had insisted he was so smart that he tested into a grade higher than supposed to, though the obviously younger boy had no problem sitting in their class. Jae-hwan went up to him with his usual jokes and bright smiles, welcoming him to the class. Won-shik only growled at him to leave him alone, and while Jae-hwan inwardly wanted to leave him alone, the others in the class all watched him expectantly. So he was always bugging Won-shik, asking him to go out with him and the others to the arcade, to eat lunch with them, to play games with them. Each time Won-shik ignored him or shouted annoyingly at him._  
  
 _He thought Kim Won-shik hated him, until one day when Jae-hwan was hiding in the library to look up some more jokes, Kim Won-shik sat down across from him._  
  
 _"Why are you always faking?"_  
  
"Can you give me a smile? Or laugh? Please...something...I miss you."  
  
He blinked up at Saet-byul, the girl sitting in front of him with her knees held close to her chest, her eyes staring pleadingly at him. He honestly didn't know how long he's been sitting here, the only thing he understood being his body still couldn't move. She had vaguely told him the rest about the dolls-- that she had created him, that he belonged to her now, that he would never be free again...all because she panicked and thought he would have told Hak-yeon about her killing someone named Joon-myeon. He had stopped trying to understand by that point.  
  
Saet-byul reached over and pulled the edges of his lips up into a smile, though he frowned even harder and she pulled away. "You...it's not right when you're not smiling. I wish you would smile just once, to tell me you're still there."  
  
"Saet-byul," he whispered, his voice raspy and throat dry, "I can't smile. I...you said I'm a doll now. I can't...I'm trying to understand all of this."  
  
She nodded, pushing her hair away from her face. He noticed she had dyed her hair again, and he wondered if it was to match Hak-yeon's. "I see...it took N a while too, to get use to being a doll. But you don't have to be afraid, I will never hurt you. No matter what they say, I will never hurt you." She took his hand in hers, smiling in a way she had only done when talking about Hak-yeon. It felt wrong, dirty.  
  
She pushed his hair around, her lips pulled down into a frown. "You're getting dirty, you need to wash. You still can't move, I'll help you."  
  
He panicked when she got up and started to pull on his arm, his mind whirling at the idea of Saet-byul stripping him down and washing him like a doll. He didn't care if that was what he was or not, he couldn't imagine her seeing him like that. "Wait, Saet-byul, I can't-"  
  
"I can make you sleep if you're embarrassed. It's okay. I told you I would never hurt you, you don't have to worry."  
  
"No, I can't-"  
  
They both stopped when a faint ringtone started to play softly, and his eyes looked down hurriedly at his phone in his pocket. Saet-byul stared at him for the longest time, her face impassive and scarier that he could ever imagine as she slowly knelt down and took the phone out of his pocket. He caught a glimpse of the caller name to see Won-shik, and he felt his heart race.  
  
 _Not Won-shik._  
  
 _She couldn't touch Won-shik._  
  
She pressed the answer button, the two of them listening until a slightly altered voice called out,  
  
 _"Jae-hwan hyung? You there? I-"_  He cried out when she suddenly hung up the phone, and actually whimpered when she turned the phone off. She still had the deadened look in her eye as she tossed the phone away.  
  
"You won't be needing that anymore," she snapped, standing up and leaving him alone. Jae-hwan started to cry as he tried his hardest to grab his phone, the device only a little ways away from his hand, crying when he couldn't move even an inch. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to calm himself, unable to wipe his tears or bury his face in his hands. He couldn't do anything. He glanced over to Saet-byul's brother to see him staring back, and the two shared a long, knowing glance.  
  
 _He and Won-shik were inseparable. While he continued to plaster on a wide smile for everyone else, he wasn't as worried about what they thought anymore. Won-shik had promised he would never leave Jae-hwan, never abandon him like his parents did or forget about him like everyone had before. Won-shik was so caring and thoughtful, he would do anything for him._  
  
 _Won-shik told him about how much he hated his family, how they wanted him to be great like his brothers and to do well in everything. Won-shik hated being stifled like that, wanted desperately to be free like Jae-hwan. Jae-hwan would sometimes dream of where they switched places, where he could have a family and Won-shik could be free like he wished. But life wasn't like that._  
  
 _When days were particularly bad, and Won-shik would show up with bruises littering his skin and his body shaking with rage, Jae-hwan would wordlessly open his arms and envelop him in a hug. He would never ask questions, only accept. He would sneak the younger into his room, the other orphanage boys keeping quiet as they huddled under his blanket. They would make a fort where they would be in a different world, where there were no bastard parents who abandoned their children or parents that wanted too much of their child. It was a world where only they existed._  
  
 _He wished he could stay there, take his Won-shik there and hide away from all the evils of the world._  
  
 _"Do you ever wish your parents came back?"_  
  
 _Jae-hwan sniffled, pretending to find the joke book in front of him much more interesting. "No. Why would I? They...obviously don't want me." He looked up to find Won-shik staring at him. He blinked. "Why? Do you wish your parents were nicer?"_  
  
 _"No, if I did they'd go after Won-hye. I'd rather she was left alone..."_  
  
 _"...but sometimes I do think of running away."_  
  
The next time he woke up to Saet-byul screaming, grabbing her head and flailing terribly. He tried to run over to comfort her only to find his body still frozen. "S-Saet-byul..." he croaked, and she rolled over to stare at him, gasping painfully.  
  
 _"J-Jae-hwan...I can't...they won't leave me alone."_ Jae-hwan gasped in pain, the burning sensation engulfing him, and he screamed when he couldn't move or do anything to try and relieve the pain. Saet-byul's eyes narrowed at his pain, and her lips curled back in a snarl as she rolled onto her stomach, propping herself up and hissing. "Jae-hwan...Jae-hwan Jae-hwan Jae-hwan Jae-hwan  _Jae-hwan."_ She grabbed his doll in her hand, squeezing it.  
  
His skin felt as if it was peeling off, his ribs closing in and nearly crushing him, all the air feeling as if it was shoved out of his lungs. With each uttering of his name, he felt as a little part of him was stripped away, his head going numb. He didn't know what she was saying, couldn't process anything long enough to try and figure it out, only able to see her coming towards him, her face hovering over his. He could see her mouthing his name, his vision fading to nothing but red, but he couldn't move away. She moved closer, her fingers clasping his burning shoulders, leaning towards his ear.  
  
 _"Jae-hwan...they don't want you. But don't worry...I won't hurt you."_ He gasped, each brush from her fingers electrifying and agonizing. She pressed her face into his shoulder, the contact searing. The pain was so great he wished she would just kill him. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled, crying. "I'm so sorry that I've turned you into this..."  
  
 _"Saet-byul..."_  
  
"I had tried to keep you all away," she hissed, her fingers resting on his shoulders, the numbing pain slowly receding. "They've seen you and want me to kill you. But I can't...I can't hurt you..." She leaned forward and hugged his head gently, sniffling.  
  
"I promise...I'll keep you safe. I won't hurt you."  
  
 _"I'm going to study abroad."_  
  
 _The book he'd been reading slipped out of his hands, clattering to the floor, but he couldn't be bothered with that, staring in shock at Won-shik who refused to look him in the eye. His hands trembled as he fought not to cry out just then, instead taking a deep breath, tears already at the edges of his eyes. "W-what?"_  
  
 _"I can't stand it here anymore Jae-hwan hyung," Won-shik bit out, angry tears running down his cheeks. Jae-hwan ran to his side and checked him over, frowning when there wasn't a scratch on him. Won-shik shoved him away. "I can't stand that house anymore. I can't stand any of them."_  
  
 _"W-where would you go? You'd be all alone. It's too scary out there Won-shik ah."_  
  
 _"You know me hyung, nothing scares me. I can handle whatever's out there."_  
  
 _But he couldn't._  
  
 _Jae-hwan couldn't._  
  
 _But he couldn't say that._  
  
 _He struggled to smile, a habit that had become almost natural, a smile he had started for his parents and perfected for Won-shik. It took him a few seconds before he was able to speak, keeping his voice light and airy. "Where are you going to study?"_  
  
 _"As far away as possible, so they'll never be able to find me. America's pretty far, right? Everyone always talks about going there."_  
  
 _America? That's so far away, there would be no way Jae-hwan could visit him. He'd be so far away._  
  
 _"But it's too expensive. How could you get there?"_  
  
 _"If there's anything my family's good at, it's having money. I could pull some out and use it to study. I'll pick some place where they'd never be able to find me."_  
  
 _"I'm sure if they tried, they'd-"_  
  
 _"Do you honestly think they would really look for me? That they'd care enough to try and find me? You know they wouldn't hyung. Not the delinquent Kim Won-shik."_  
  
 _He was grasping at straws now. "What about Won-hye? Would you really leave her?"_  
  
 _The way Won-shik's face contorted was something he would never forget, the anger and grief so prominent and palpable Jae-hwan nearly cried. "What about her? She can handle herself just fine. She...she doesn't need me." Jae-hwan stared at him, watched as Won-shik threw his bag onto Jae-hwan's bed. Jae-hwan had just finished high school, had finally moved out of the orphanage and gotten himself a small apartment. It wasn't great or anything, but it was a place for just the two of them, and had grown to be a safe home for them both. "You wouldn't mind if I crashed here for the time being, right hyung? Just until I figure everything out?"_  
  
 _"O-of course not," he said hurriedly, a tear finally escaping and trailing down his cheek. "But...you'll come back...right? You'll come back, won't you Won-shik ah?"_  
  
 _You'll come back, right?_  
  
 _You'll come back for me...right?_  
  
 _Won-shik paused, suddenly looking so tired. "I..."_  
  
 _You promised, you promised you would never leave me._  
  
 _You wouldn't really leave, right?_  
  
 _"I don't know. I can't think right now. But I wouldn't leave you hyung. You know that. I'll figure out a way the both of us can be together. Just wait for me." Jae-hwan felt reassured at that, went about to make his Wonnie a great dinner to cheer him up. To convince him to stay in Korea._  
  
The day he woke up and found he could move his body again, Saet-byul wasn't there. He looked over to find her brother gone, though there were burn marks all around where he had lain. He was stiff and sore and his head hurt like hell, and a tentative hand felt along the bandage that was still wrapped there. He looked around, both hopeful and afraid that Saet-byul was somewhere in the apartment. She had proven time and again that she had changed, that she wasn't the same little star anymore, and he was terrified of what she had become.  
  
He rolled over, groaning when his leg twitched painfully. He needed to get out of here, run for help. He couldn't call the police, probably for the same reason Hak-yeon never called. Hak-yeon-- he was a doll too, he would know what to do. But he had no idea where he was, Won-shik said he left...  
  
 _Won-shik._  
  
He wanted...no,  _needed_  to see his Wonnie, to make sure he was safe. But if anything, he just wanted to see him and hug him. He wanted comfort. He hesitantly reached his hand out, his fingers flinching when they brushed something cold, and he glanced down to see his forgotten cell phone. Swallowing, his throat parched and his mouth dry, his shaking hands turned the phone on, his heart racing as he waited for it to load.  
  
He coughed, his head going lightheaded at the mere motion, his eyes dilating at how bright his screen was. Won-shik...all he could think of was Won-shik. He needed to see him. He needed him.  
  
The phone beeped continuously as his mailbox was filled with millions of texts from Sang-hyuk, though he didn't have time to check them. He didn't know where Saet-byul was, and he couldn't be sure what she would do when she saw him moving. He hit his speed dial, gasping for air as he brought the phone to his ear, starting to cry as he waited for it to ring.  
  
 _Please pick up your phone, Won-shik._  
  
 _You need to keep your promise._  
  
 _You promised you would never leave me, not like my parents._  
  
 _You promised._  
  
 _"Hello?"_  
  
"Won-shik!" he cried, his voice hoarse and barely audible. He squeezed his eyes shut when he began to see double, his body extremely dehydrated.  
  
 _"Hyung? What's going on? Sang-hyuk's been trying to call me, said you've been missing. Where are you? Are you alright?"_  
  
"Won-shik...help me...please..."  
  
 _"Fuck, where are you? I'm coming right now."_ He could distantly hear Won-hye's voice on the other end, hear Won-shik telling her he had to go, and Jae-hwan felt terrible for pulling him away. He needed Won-shik though, needed him desperately. He was the only one he could think of at this point, the only one he wanted to save him, to take him away from this prison--  
  
"No! Won-shik...don't come here...find...call someone..."  
  
 _"Don't you fucking tell me to stay away. Where the hell are you? I'm going to beat the living shit out of whoever touched you-- fuck, where are you?"_  
  
"It's not safe here...Won-shik, stay away...it's not safe-"  
  
 _"The hell it's not safe."_  He could hear him start a car, and Jae-hwan numbly thought that Won-shik didn't have a license.  _"Where are you Jae-hwan? I'm coming."_  
  
He wanted Won-shik, wanted him so badly, but he couldn't bring him here. He couldn't put him in danger. He shuddered at the memory of Saet-byul torturing him, of her somehow ripping his skin off and burning his insides without laying a finger on him-- he couldn't do that to Won-shik. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he brought his Wonnie into something like that.  
  
"Call...call Hak-yeon...call him..."  
  
 _"Hak-yeon? Does he have something to do with this?"_  
  
"Help...he can help...please Won-shik..."  
  
 _"Are you at Taek-woon's? I don't know his number..."_  
  
"Tell him...tell him it's Saet-byul. Saet-byul, she-"  
  
 _"Are you at fucking Saet-byul's? You said you were going to see her...did she do something to you? Was it her brother? I always suspected he beat her, goddamnit, I knew I shouldn't have let you go!"_ Jae-hwan glanced over at the charred spot where her brother used to be, wanting to tell Won-shik how wrong he was. But he was too tired, his eyelids suddenly so heavy. He could hear Won-shik calling his name, the sound of tires screeching loud in the background, but he was too tired to answer. He closed his eyes...  
  
 _Won-shik didn't tell him the day he left. Jae-hwan woke up to find the apartment quiet, Won-shik's things all gone. He had tried not to panic right away, going through all the rooms to see if maybe the other had left for a little bit. But he was really gone, not even a note left._  
  
 _He had gone to Won-shik's house after that, went to see Won-hye and ask if Won-shik had gone back. Won-hye glared at the mention of Won-shik's name, spitting out that Won-shik hadn't dared step back in their house after what he did. He couldn't get it out of her on what Won-shik had done, but whatever it was he wasn't welcome back._  
  
 _So he eventually went back to his apartment, his body numb when he realized that he really had left him alone. It didn't matter how much Won-shik promised. He really did leave._  
  
 _He had asked him to wait, and Jae-hwan had waited._  
  
 _But he left in the end anyway._  
  
 _Just like his parents._  
  
 _But just like he did for his parents, Jae-hwan sat on his couch facing the front door...and waited._  
  
 _He waited for three years._  
  
 _Waited until one day he got a call saying Won-shik was coming back._  
  
 _"I'm coming back hyung. I'm coming back."_  
  
"Hyung!" Jae-hwan was startled awake when he felt rough hands grab his shoulders, shaking him furiously, and he blearily opened his eyes to see Won-shik shouting at him. His brow furrowed as he tried to focus, his vision clearing just enough to see the sheer panic on the other's face. "Oh my god hyung, what did he do to you? Where's Saet-byul, did he hurt her too?" Won-shik crushed him to his shoulder, and Jae-hwan found himself crying, his sobs so loud and painful.  
  
Everything hurt.  
  
"I'm so sorry hyung," Won-shik cried, attempting to help him up. Jae-hwan couldn't stand, everything was so heavy. His body was too heavy. "I was too distracted at home, I hadn't checked my phone-- I would've come sooner. I'm so sorry."  
  
"W-Won-shik...have to leave...it's not safe here..."  
  
"I'll get you out, don't worry. If I see that bastard I'll kill his ass. We'll get you out of here. We'll go to Taek-woon's and somehow get a hold of Hak-yeon. I'm sure he'll do something to save Saet-byul."  
  
"Not...not him...Saet-byul, she's the one-"  
  
"Won-shik?" Both froze at the sound of the innocent voice behind them, and Won-shik turned enough so they were both able to see Saet-byul standing at the front door. She looked between the two of them, confused, her eyes trailing from Won-shik's harried face to his hands around Jae-hwan's shoulders, cell phone gripped tightly in Jae-hwan's hand. Understanding slowly dawned on her, her face shifting until she was staring impassively at the two of them. Without taking her eyes off them, she shut the door behind her, clicking the lock. "I didn't realize you would be visiting."  
  
Won-shik stuttered, no doubt starting to realize the situation. He glanced down at Jae-hwan, his hold on him subconsciously tightening. "Saet-byul, what's going on? Jae-hwan...he needs help, we have to get him out of here. I have a car outside, I can-"  
  
"You won't be needing a car," she said simply, taking a step forward. Jae-hwan flinched, clinging to Wong-shik fearfully, and Won-shik noticed.  
  
"Is your brother the one doing this? Where is he? I can-"  
  
"Jung-hoon is dead."  
  
Won-shik's mouth snapped shut, stumbling back in numbed shock when Jae-hwan violently shoved him away. Jae-hwan whimpered inwardly, his voice cut off again and his body moving on its own. He felt himself stand opposite of Won-shik, felt Saet-byul slip a knife in his hands.  
  
 _I told you, I promised. I would never leave you._  
  
"H-hyung? Wh-what are you doing?"  
  
 _I'll always stay with you._  
  
Saet-byul smiled, stepping away to the side. Jae-hwan saw a doll in her hands, her fingers holding its little arms.  
  
"And soon you will be too."


	27. Chapter 27

Sang-hyuk sighed sadly as he stared at his phone, swiping the lock screen for the hundredth time in the useless hope that somebody will have tried to call him. It had been over three weeks since Saet-byul had suddenly disappeared without a word, and over three weeks that everyone decided to abruptly cut off contact with him. Jae-hwan, Won-shik, even Hak-yeon-- he hadn't heard a single thing from any of them, left in the dark and ignored.  
  
He had given Jae-hwan a few days before calling him, the elder having said he would go and check on Saet-byul. It had started with just a simple phone call, just a call to ask if he'd gone and if everything was okay. What had worried him was Jae-hwan didn't answer. Jae-hwan  _always_ answered his calls, regardless of where he was-- Sang-hyuk still blushed when he remembered the one time Jae-hwan had answered in the middle of a less than pleasant situation. He always answered and he always called.  _Always_. Something had to have been wrong for him not to answer.  
  
His one call quickly became multiple calls and hundreds of texts, and even that didn't do anything. He tried calling Won-shik, those two were attached in more ways than one, but all he'd gotten out of that was a quick text saying he was busy and wouldn't be able to answer his phone for a while.  
  
He was worried out of his mind, yet no one bothered to try and reassure him.  
  
No one tried  _shit_.  
  
  
His whole face lit up the moment he saw Taek-woon on campus, ignoring everyone's questioning looks as he bolted across the courtyard and nearly jumped on the elder's back. Taek-woon gave a small gasp in surprise as he whirled around, his eyes confused momentarily before he sighed softly.  
  
"Hello, Sang-hyuk."  
  
Sang-hyuk paused at the sight of Taek-woon, the elder looking so drained and sickly, and he wondered what was wrong. There were dark bags under his eyes as well as him being incredibly pale. "Are you alright?"  
  
Taek-woon nodded, his eyes refusing to meet Sang-hyuk's. "I'm fine." Then he looked up with that focused, hard stare he always had and everything seemed normal again. "Is there a reason you decided to attack me today?"  
  
His face flushed as he coughed to hide his embarrassment, shifting his bag awkwardly. "I was just excited to see someone I know. Everyone's been ignoring me lately."  
  
"Everyone?"  
  
"Yeah, Saet-byul's completely cut off contact with me, and Jae-hwan stopped answering my calls. Even Won-shik is ignoring me. I was starting to wonder if I'd done something." Taek-woon stiffened at the mention of Saet-byul's name, biting his lip, and Sang-hyuk narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You don't know anything about it, do you hyung? I can imagine Hak-yeon would know something about it. Has he talked to her?"  
  
The way Taek-woon's face crumbled at Hak-yeon's name surprised him, and he wondered if they broke up or something. He wouldn't have put it past them to be secretly dating or something, they were just as bad as Jae-hwan and Won-shik at times. And those two weren't even dating.  
  
Taek-woon shook his head, taking a second to collect himself before speaking. "Hak-yeon hasn't been with me for the past couple weeks. I...I don't know if he's seen her or not, but I doubt he has."  
  
Sang-hyuk's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Wait, they've been ignoring you too?"  
  
Taek-woon glared half-heartedly, sniffing. "Hak-yeon isn't ignoring me. He's just dealing with something that doesn't concern  
me."  
  
He had to resist laughing at the other's indignant tone, keeping a straight enough face so as not to offend him. "So he's been ignoring you. Don't worry, you can join the club. I feel like I'm always the last to know things."  
  
"It's not that they're purposefully not telling you. The things they're dealing with, you don't want to know Sang-hyuk."  
  
"You always tell me that. But I can handle it. I'm just as capable of understanding and dealing with it as any of you." He hated the way Taek-woon looked at him, like a  _child,_  when Sang-hyuk was eighteen years old and perfectly capable of dealing with whatever secret they were hiding. If  _Hong-bin_ knew about it, then he could definitely handle it. Taek-woon continued as if he never spoke, his voice still soft and reprimanding.  
  
"This is something that's meant to be between Hak-yeon and Saet-byul only, and while I found out by accident, it is something they'd like to keep that way."  
  
"Well, Jae-hwan probably found out about it, if his random ignoring me has anything to do with it. I always hated him bothering me all the time, but this ignoring thing is definitely worse."  
  
Taek-woon's eyes widened at that. "What do you mean?"  
  
He hesitated at the other's harried tone, suddenly sheepish. "I was worried about Saet-byul, and asked him to check on her for me. I'm guessing he went, it's been about a week since he said he'd go." Taek-woon looked absolutely frightened, biting his lip and kneading his fingers. He was just about to ask if he was alright when the other gave him a quick goodbye and ran away. It took Sang-hyuk a few seconds before the anger hit him, and he frustratingly kicked a stone away as he headed straight home.  
  
Fuck Taek-woon.  
  
Fuck Jae-hwan.  
  
Fuck all of them.  
  
Why was everyone ignoring him? Even Taek-woon, the only one he'd managed to get a hold of and that being pure chance, ran away. What the hell did he do that they're all doing this?  
  
...he missed them.  
  
He missed everyone.  
  
\--  
  
 _"Won-shik!" Both men had tears in their eyes as his father engulfed him in a tight hug, patting his back lovingly. "Won-shik...you've grown up so much."_  
  
 _"Yeah...." he muttered, just as lost for words as he allowed his father, the man he had abhorred for so many years, hug him. As he felt the frail man before him cry happily, he couldn't help but remember all the times when he had been strong, strict-- standing above him with his cane in hand. Hitting him when he wasn't the perfect son he wanted. When he rebelled and resisted; this frail man had been the man Won-shik both hated and feared, and he just didn't know what to do when that very same man held him so tenderly, crying on him._  
  
 _"I'm so sorry for everything Won-shik, I know you probably will never forgive me-"_  
  
 _Images of his father smashing his guitar, ripping all his sheet music and screaming as loud as he could flashed through his mind. The sound of his father cursing Jae-hwan, cursing how much of a screw-up and disappointment he was ringing in his ears. His answer was immediate._  
  
 _"No, I can't." His father pulled away, regret and disappointment in his eyes. He quickly schooled his expression as he awkwardly reached out and fixed the dress shirt Jae-hwan insisted he wore. It probably made the old man proud, he was finally looking like the presentable son he always wanted._  
  
 _"Are you going to move back home?"_  
  
 _His answer was immediate. "No, I'm living with a hyung of mine. I'd rather stay with him."_  
  
 _He expected his father to shout at him, order him to stay and to stay away from Jae-hwan like he had done so often in the past. But instead, the man just nodded his head, saying he should invite his hyung over and let him meet him-- the whole thing messed with his head. It wasn't supposed to be like this._  
  
 _His father wasn't like this._  
  
 _"You have to tell me everything that's happened to you the past few years. You moth--" his voice cut off as he choked back sudden tears, and it all made sense. "Your mother and I would love to hear about it." He let his father gently lead him to the family room, let him help him sit down on the couch. He shied away when his father attempted to sit next to him, and the man realized his mistake as he quickly sat down on the adjacent chair._  
  
 _"I need to make a quick call to my hyung. I promised him I would call him if I was staying."_  
  
 _"Of course! Go ahead. But after you have to tell me everything. Your hyung can wait. We have all the time in the world." His father watched him the whole time he waited for the phone to ring, feeling embarrassed when Jae-hwan strangely hung up on him and having to look at his father's expectant face._  
  
 _"He's busy."_  
  
 _"That's alright. You can invite him later, I would like to meet the man who took care of you all this time. As long as you come back, Won-shik."_  
  
  
 _"Won-shik oppa, this is my daughter." Won-shik stared in muted shock at the baby in Won-hye's arms. Won-hye had the softest of smiles on her face as she tenderly held the baby up for him to see, cradling its head as she kissed its cheek. The baby looked up at him with the widest, darkest brown eyes --Won-hye's eyes-- and he slowly reached over to brush it's eyelids._  
  
 _It was so small and pink, a pile of squishy flesh, and it still hadn't sunk in that this was Won-hye's child. He tentatively poked its hand, inhaled sharply when it wrapped its tiny fingers around his thumb. Won-hye smiled, kissing the baby's head. "She's meeting her youngest uncle for the first time. Give her a kiss."  
  
Hesitantly, he leaned over and pressed his lips to the baby's cheek. The baby made a few gurgling sounds before it smiled, the smile so pure and innocent and Won-shik couldn't help but smile back.  
  
  
"I have to go, my hyung's in trouble."  
  
"But oppa, you've just come back!"  
  
"This is important. This hyung is the most important person in my life, I can't leave him." He didn't miss the hurt look that passed Won-hye's face, but he had no time to dwell on it. Jae-hwan was in pain and he didn't know how long he could keep him on the line.  
  
"You'll come back?" Her voice was so small, scared.  
  
"I will."_  
  
  
The first thing he heard when he came to was the sound of Jae-hwan's sobs, the other sounding so broken and distraught. He was so tired, his body so heavy and numb, but he blearily realized something was wrong. He had never been able to handle it when Jae-hwan cried, would go out of his way to beat whoever's ass it was that made his hyung cry. He tried to move to comfort him but found he couldn't, just the mere thought sending painful spikes up his side. He gasped in pain, and the sound was enough to silence Jae-hwan, the other shifting until he was right next to him.  
  
"Won-shik? My god, Won-shik ah, can you hear me? W-Won-shik?"  
  
"H-hyung...?" he groaned out, just the short word causing his throat to constrict painfully. He tried to remember what happened when a glimpse of Jae-hwan with a knife flashed in his mind. He cried out, unable to push the other away, and Jae-hwan panicked.  
  
"I'm so sorry. Y-you know...you know Won-shik ah, you know I-I would never hurt you. You know that. I-I...she made me. Won-shik...I told you...I would never hurt you..." The words sounded like something that Jae-hwan had recited many times, his voice growing softer as he repeated the phrase like a mantra. He grabbed Won-shik's hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them frantically and repeatedly. Won-shik blinked his eyes, his vision blurry and he just couldn't figure out  _why,_  and Jae-hwan leaned in closer. His eyes were puffy and red, his face tear-stained.  
  
"You know I would never hurt you..."  
  
"Hyung...when did you...?" He stopped when images of Jae-hwan with a knife flashed in his head, stepping forward and shoving that knife into his side. He gasped as he moved to brush the stab wound, crying out frustratingly when his body refused to move. He looked back at Jae-hwan for help, though it looked like Jae-hwan was struggling to not break down, his whole face scrunched up as he sobbed, Won-shik's fingers still pressed against his lips. He cleared his throat to grab the other's attention.  
  
"Hyung...Saet-byul, she-"  
  
"She made me do it. I-I didn't want to, I w-would never. You know that, don't you Won-shik ah?" He started kissing his fingers again, shaking terribly. Won-shik wanted to stop him, to comfort him, but he couldn't move. His side was starting to throb. Jae-hwan suddenly threw down his hands, his body near convulsing as he cradled Won-shik's head in his arms, heaving as his fingers caressed his cheeks. "She wanted me to kill you...but I couldn't...I could never kill you Won-shik ah...I couldn't..."  
  
"What do you mean Saet-byul...? She...is her brother really dead?"  
  
"I-I don't-- I don't know. He used t-to be here but I think s-she killed him. She...Saet-byul's changed. I-I don't know what happened but..." Jae-hwan took a long, deep breath, his whole body trembling as he exhaled, "she's not the same."  
  
Won-shik stared, the only thing he  _could_ do, watching as Jae-hwan continued to cry over him. He closed his eyes, the images of Jae-hwan stabbing him repeating over and over and over; he quickly snapped his eyes open again. Jae-hwan said he didn't do it, he would believe him. He...he wouldn't know what to do otherwise. "Hyung...my body-"  
  
"You're a doll." Jae-hwan flinched at the sound of Saet-byul's voice, though Won-shik wasn't able to see her from where he lay. If he was laying, he couldn't tell. He could hear her walk over to them, could see her kneel down next to him. Jae-hwan whimpered at the sight of her, protectively pulling Won-shik closer to him when she tried to touch him. Won-shik frowned at Jae-hwan, too preoccupied at what could possibly have happened to his hyung over whatever Saet-byul was doing. "Ken...I can't help him if you don't let me see him."  
  
"Ken...?" He looked confusedly at Jae-hwan when the elder slowly let go of him, crying all the while. Saet-byul didn't say anything as she quickly pulled his shirt up, her fingers ghosting over his stab wound. As he watched her clean his wound, her face emotionless and her movements robotic, he realized that something had changed in her. She was different.  
  
"I can't call either of you by your real names anymore," she said without looking at him, flipping open what looked like a medical kit next to her. "He told me about being called Ken at the orphanage, so I decided to give him that name. He didn't seem to have a problem with it." Won-shik glanced over to Jae-hwan to see him avoiding looking at either of them, his shoulders hunched as he drew into himself. Won-shik wanted desperately to reassure him, wrap his arms around his shoulders and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But he couldn't. He couldn't and he still had no idea why.  
  
"I'm going to have give you a new name too. You can think of something if you want. If not, Ken can think of something for you." She slapped on a bandage and pat it gently, sighing as she looked over at him, her lips pursed. "They're really upset you're here. I really wish Ken hadn't called you here. I didn't want to make anymore dolls."  
  
"What the fuck is a doll?" he growled, and she nearly rolled her eyes as she pulled out a handmade doll and jabbed a sewing needle into its arm. He yelped when he felt a stinging prick in his own arm, though she didn't allow him any time to register what happened.  
  
"N doesn't like you, and frankly I don't either, but Ken begged me to keep you alive." Won-shik felt Jae-hwan grab his hand again.  
  
"Did you...did you do this to Jae-hwan hyung?" Jae-hwan suddenly screamed, throwing his hands over his head as he shook. Won-shik panicked at the sight, wanted to do  _something_  for him, to stop whatever was scaring or hurting him, but his goddamn body just wouldn't  _move._  
  
She waited until Jae-hwan was only whimpering silently, shaking her head. "I never wanted to. I had to because Ken walked in on me and another doll. I couldn't let him go." She put a hand on his shoulder, now addressing Jae-hwan. She actually smiled then, her voice light. "You can talk to him all you like. He won't be able to move for about a week, that's how long it took you. When you're hungry, you can get food from the fridge. You know where it is, right?" Jae-hwan nodded, edging away from her, and her smile dropped slightly.  
  
"Where are you going?" Won-shik asked when she stood up, medical kit in hand. She hesitated, for a brief second the Saet-byul he knew appearing before being hidden behind the passivity she put up.  
  
"I'm going to figure out how to fix this."  
  
  
It was a while after Saet-byul left that Jae-hwan moved, shifting slightly by his side to check Won-shik's face. He ignored how intently Won-shik stared at him, focused on fixing his hair and running his fingers down the sides of his face. Won-shik parted his lips, his voice so soft and barely audible, "Hyung...could you help me sit up?"  
  
Jae-hwan let out a small whimper as he immediately propped him up, each brush hesitant as if afraid to hurt him. He shifted him so he could lean against the wall, and Won-shik let out a small sigh as he rolled his eyes to look at Jae-hwan.  
  
His hyung's face was gaunt, his skin glistening with sweat and his eyes bloodshot, his lips cracked and dry. From the messages Sang-hyuk had been sending him, Jae-hwan had been missing for a few days, and from what he could tell sitting right in front of him, it was obvious that  this had been going on even longer than that. Ignoring how his skin had faded to a sickly pale and his clothes were starting to hang limply off his body, Won-shik couldn't help but see how  _broken_  his beautiful hyung had become. The bright, sunny being that was Jae-hwan was gone, beaten and destroyed until only this emaciated husk was left.  
  
"Hyung...how long have you been here?"  
  
"I-I didn't mean it," Jae-hwan repeated, his eyes glossy and an indication he was long gone. His hyung wasn't here anymore. "She made me, she made me Won-shik ah...I would never hurt you."  
  
"I know you wouldn't," he said, painfully patient. He looked down to see Jae-hwan's hands shaking, digging into his knees that were drawn up to his chest. Smiling softly, he whispered, "Hyung, could you take my hands in yours?" Jae-hwan paused, looking confused before slowly taking Won-shik's hand, and Won-shik noted how dry and rough the other's skin was. He wondered if Saet-byul was even feeding him.  
  
"Could you take my hand and pat yours for me?" Again Jae-hwan looked confused, taking a few seconds before doing as told. It took him even longer to realize what he was doing, tears clouding his eyes.  
  
"Hyung, I don't blame you. While she did a shit poor job explaining it, I understand enough to know she controlled you with that doll. I know you would never hurt me, you don't even need to explain it to me. I know you, hyung." Jae-hwan was sobbing again, his hands still holding Won-shik's. "Who I do blame is myself. I shouldn't have ignored my phone for so long. I had been so happy at home, I kept thinking you wouldn't be too upset if I waited just another day. I...if I had looked just once, just to check, I would have seen you were in trouble. I  _should_ have seen you were in trouble. I  _should_ have come-"  
  
"N-no," Jae-hwan cut him off, his voice pathetically soft, "don't blame yourself Wonnie... I would never want you here. I...I hate myself for calling you. I shouldn't have called you. I made you come here-"  
  
"You could have told me the world would've ended and I still would have come. Hyung, the moment I found out you were hurt it didn't matter anymore." Jae-hwan stared at him for the longest time, sniffling, before reaching over and pulling his head into a hug.  
  
"I don't know what I ever did to deserve having someone as amazing as you," he whispered sadly. "When my own parents couldn't stand the sight of me, when others couldn't be bothered to even look at me, I don't know what I could have done to deserve someone as perfect as you."  
  
Won-shik wished he could hug him back, to let him know how wrong he was. Instead, he could only convey his feelings in words, though he knew there were no words that could express what he wanted. "You just being you is enough. Not the you that tries to please others, but the you that is just  _you_." Jae-hwan let out a low, tired chuckle before pulling away, a hand accidentally brushing against his stab wound. Won-shik let out a faint hiss, gnashing his teeth.  
  
"Hyung...do you know what's going on? What happened to Saet-byul?"  
  
Jae-hwan just shook his head, his hands starting to shake again. "I don't know...I came to check on her. I opened the door and saw her hurting someone, screaming things before setting him on fire. I-I...I..." his voice trailed off, the memory terrifying him. "I-I was scared...I backed away when she saw me..."  
  
"Hyung-"  
  
"I woke up and couldn't move. She was crying over me, saying she was sorry and she didn't want to do it. She was afraid I would tell Hak-yeon what I'd seen."  
  
"Hak-yeon? Why would-"  
  
"Hak-yeon is a doll too."  
  
Won-shik's mouth snapped shut as he let the words sink in, his whole body growing cold. Hak-yeon is a doll? Did that mean Hak-yeon woke up just like this, disorientated and wounded, bleeding out with his body frozen and a crazy girl hovering over him menacingly? Was that why Saet-byul was so obsessed with him? Was he her doll that somehow escaped? He remembered hearing from Sang-hyuk how Hak-yeon had abandoned Saet-byul the moment her mother was arrested, having run away the moment he was free. They had all thought Hak-yeon had been a coward and a bastard for leaving Saet-byul the way he did, but if he had been a doll...  
  
 _He would have run too._  
  
Jae-hwan nodded, noting his silence. "I know. It took me a moment too when I figured it out. It makes sense. They had been so close before, almost too close, and then he leaves suddenly. She probably made him like that, the way he was at the theater, to punish him. For running away."  
  
His eyes widened. "She can do that?"  
  
"She can do a lot of things. The things she does...it's terrifying Won-shik."  
  
"When she said she can't say our names, was that...?"  
  
Jae-hwan nodded, his eyes downcast again. "Yes. She...she did it to me many times. When she says your name, it's hard to describe. It feels as if every piece of you is stripped away, burned to the point it's searing, where your insides are ripped apart. It's so incredibly painful, yet not a single part of you is touched. It's all mental, but so real. It's terrifying Won-shik ah." He started crying again and Won-shik wanted to stop him.  
  
He really wanted to rip Saet-byul apart, no matter how much the others adored her or whatever, he didn't forgive anyone who made his hyung cry. And she did more than that. Much more.  
  
"Hyung, I'm here now. I won't let her hurt you anymore." Jae-hwan smiled, hiccupping as he held Won-shik's hand again, the touch seeming to calm him down some. Won-shik wanted to keep that smile, felt that amongst all this crazy and mindblowing shit that was crashing down all around him, Jae-hwan's smile was the one thing that was constant and normal. He  _needed_ it. Giving a smile of his own, he said gently, amiably, "Won-hye...she's a mother."  
  
Jae-hwan's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it cute?"  
  
There was the Jae-hwan he knew. He couldn't believe how much he missed and needed it.  
  
"Yeah. A little girl. I...I still can't wrap my head around the fact that little Won-hye is a mother. She's about a year old."  
  
Jae-hwan shifted closer, his eyes bright against the dark bags that hung under them. "Does that mean she's still married to 'that bastard'?"  
  
Won-shik paused, remembering bitterly of the time when Won-hye had run to him excitedly, tugging on a man's arm and announcing to them she was going to marry him. His family had been ecstatic, he was from a rich family and this could only mean good things for their family, but he had seemed to be the only one to remember she had only been eighteen. His disapproval was what eventually got him kicked out of the house, and Won-hye growling out that he was no brother of hers. The memory was unpleasant and something he wished he didn't have to think about, but it was true that even three years later they were still married and happy.  
  
"I...yeah, they're still married."  
  
"I wish I could have seen her. You always talked about her, I would have liked to see her and the baby."  
  
"I'll take you to see her someday, once we get out of here. My dad...it's as if he's a whole different person. He's okay with me studying music, can you believe it? He said he figured it out once my mom passed, that it was stupid to force me to be something I'm not. You...I could bring you there. I told him I was staying with a hyung of mine, and he said he would like to meet you-"  
  
"Won-shik." He had gotten so excited he hadn't seen his hyung's face fall, hadn't seen the way Jae-hwan's eyes dimmed.  
"Saet-byul...what she did, I don't think there's a way out. You've seen Hak-yeon...there's no escape."  
  
No...that can't be. Not after he finally reconciled, not after he finally was accepted at home. T-that...that couldn't-- "But-"  
  
"She did this because she was scared I would tell Hak-yeon."  
  
He was an uncle now, he had to go back. He remembered the feeling of the baby's hand clutching his finger, felt how strong it was despite being such a tiny little thing. Won-hye had been so happy, letting him hold the baby as she told him all about what he missed.  
  
"Won-shik..."  
  
His father had apologized, had held him in a tight hug as he promised that he would allow him to pursue whatever he wanted. He didn't need to study medicine any longer, he could do music or whatever else his heart desired.  
  
As long as he came back home.  
  
"...there's no escape."


	28. Chapter 28

She never wanted this. Jae-hwan, Won-shik...she hated dolls and never wanted anything to do with them. The only reason she had been touching the dolls at all was to figure out a way to free N. That was all she wanted. She had just wanted to free N, so he could love her without worrying about being a doll. Jae-hwan...he wasn't supposed to be there. He wasn't supposed to have come. She had been so afraid of all of them, saw every one of their calls and texts, was so afraid that the voices would want her to kill them.  
  
They had wanted her to kill Jae-hwan, but she really liked him. He was so kind and treated her so well, he was one of the only friends she had. Turning him into a doll was the only way they said she could save him. He would tell N if she didn't. He would tell N about how she was killing dolls.  
  
She couldn't have N knowing.  
  
She  _couldn't._  
  
She hated herself every time she saw Jae-hwan suffering, crying as the voices made her torture him. It was the only way they said she could keep him. She had to show him that he was hers now. If she didn't, she would have to kill him. She cried every time she heard Jae-hwan scream, lamented every time she could see his eyes water when she called him Ken. She hated herself, but it was the only way to save him.  
  
And then Won-shik.  
  
The voices had been  _livid_  the moment they saw him, shouting and vicious, clouding her mind until she could only do what they said.  _Kill him, rip him apart--_  that's all she could think of. It wasn't until she saw a broken Jae-hwan begging her to save him that she came to, and she had been forced to turn him into a doll too. She didn't want another doll, making Jae-hwan already painful enough, but she had to.  
  
She hated dolls.  
  
She just wanted things to go back to the way they were, before the voices, before the dolls-- when everyone was happy.  
  
She would do whatever she could to fix this.  
  
  
"Saet-byul?" She wasn't able to keep as straight a face as she had the last time she was here, though her mother did look slightly better. She still looked incredibly thin and as if she hadn't slept or eaten in a long time, but she looked a little healthier. Her mother was calmer when she stepped into the room, a bright smile crossing her face as she made her way across the room. She placed a hand over the window glass, smiling sweetly as she pressed the phone closer to her mouth. "Saet-byul, you've come back."  
  
She swallowed heavily as she brought her own phone to her lips. "Yes, I did."  
  
Her mother waved at her to sit down, quickly sitting in her seat, leaning forward until her face was only inches away from the glass. She grinned, her teeth showing and reminding her exactly why she had always been so afraid of her mother growing up. "You've been killing the dolls, haven't you?"  
  
A cold shudder ran down her spine.  
  
"I can feel it, every time you kill one. They're mine you know, the dolls you're destroying."  
  
She trembled as her mother pressed her face against the glass, a low chuckle escaping her lips. How...could her mother really tell when she killed the dolls? But they were accidents, she hadn't meant to kill any of them, except maybe Baek-hyun, but he didn't count. She had only taken them apart to save N, only tried to clean them. Was her mother connected to them too? Could she tell when she lured them back to her house, coerced them and forced them to be still as she attacked their doll, scrubbed the blood away and clipped the hair until they burned to death?  
  
"I'm so proud of you." She jumped when her mother started to stroke the window, smiling so sweetly. "I'm so proud of you, my little Saet-byul. I was always afraid you would grow up without making a doll. But here you are killing dolls, and... _have you made a doll?"_  
  
"I-I...no, it was an accident-"  
  
"So you did!" Her mother was laughing now, a loud, boisterous laugh that had all the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. "My god, I only wish I could have been there. Was it Hyukkie? You can make him yours, make him love and care for you-"  
  
"No! I would never touch Hyukkie!"  
  
At that her mother stilled, her smile disappearing as she looked at her in barely shrouded disappointment. "Ah, you're still after N, aren't you?"  
  
She felt slight offense to that, stiffening. "I love him. All this, I'm doing it for him. If I free him, then he'll love me. He can't love me because he's a doll. But if I free him-"  
  
"Saet-byul, listen to me." Her mother let out a deep sigh, strangely sane as her eyes filled with a sadness she couldn't place. "It's best to forget about N."  
  
"W-what? But-"  
  
"He will never love you the way you want. I would tell you to kill him, he's unworthy to be your doll, but....I know how much you love him. Killing him will only haunt you." She frowned, wondering where all this was coming from, until she saw the hint of tears in her mother's eyes. She leaned forward, concerned, but her mother was shaking her head. "It's best to forget him, to save yourself having his blood stain your hands and hidden in your heart."  
  
"B-but I love him-"  
  
"Go get Hyukkie, he loves you and I know you love him. Maybe not the way you love N, but that kind of love will lead to a better relationship. N resents you, resents  _me_ , and will never love you the way you want."  
  
 _Don't listen to her._  
  
 _N will definitely love you._  
  
 _You just have to figure out how to free him._  
  
Yes...  
  
 _Kill those dolls._  
  
 _Don't listen to her._  
  
Yes...that was right. N...N will definitely love her if she freed him. He would be so thankful, would no longer have the shackles of the doll holding him back. He would run back to her, forget all about Hong-bin, would come back to her. Her mother was wrong, she never understood N. She never tried. Her mother didn't know what she was talking about. Shaking her head, she grit out, "You don't know N. N will definitely love me."  
  
"Saet-byul-"  
  
"I didn't come here to have you tell me I can't be with N! I'm tired of everyone telling me I can't have him when he's  _mine!"_  
  
 _Yes, N is yours._  
  
 _He has always been yours._  
  
"Then why did you come?"  
  
"I want to know about the dolls. I want to know everything about what N is. I don't want you hiding anything from me anymore. Tell me."  
  
Her mother nodded her head thoughtfully, running a hand through her ratted hair, tugging at a knot before dropping it limply onto her lap. "You've already made a doll...this is something that I should be teaching you. I should be by your side, showing you what to do, telling you-"  
  
"But you're not," she interrupted impatiently. "I don't have time to wait for you."  
  
"Then ask me anything. I will answer anything you ask."  
  
She hesitated, not having expected her mother to agree so easily, but quickly pushed past that, not wanting to waste any more time. She wasn't sure how much longer she had before they escorted her out again. "N, you said he's a special doll. What exactly does that mean?"  
  
Her mother jumped, hurriedly glancing around as if looking for eavesdroppers. She leaned in, hissing, "I already told you, both of your blood is on the doll, his connection to you is stronger than a normal doll's. He feels your pain, both physical and mental. With a special doll, it doesn't matter who his creator is, the blood on that doll will become his maker. He is not my doll. He is yours, will always be yours." Her heart fluttered, her cheeks flushing at the realization that N really was hers, that her mother had no claim over her beautiful N. But that wonderful feeling was quickly replaced by rage as she all but shouted into the phone,  
  
"Then you shouldn't have tortured him! You had no right, he was  _mine."_  
  
"I did it because he was not worthy of being your doll! I was doing it to protect you! I would have given you a better doll-"  
  
"Stop! I don't want to hear your excuses." Her mother's face fell. "I will never forgive you for touching him. But I have more important things to do right now. What else is there about N that I need to know?"  
  
"He needs you. If he's away from you, it will kill him. The longer he's away from you, the more he will wither away until he dies." Her fingers tightened around a bunch of her dress, swallowing. She remembered the way N had been when Taek-woon had brought him in the first day, unmoving and unfeeling as he held her, unable to move or speak on his own without great effort. She remembered hearing Taek-woon tell her what N was like at home, how there were times when Taek-woon was afraid N would actually die.  
  
Was that because he was away from her?  
  
"So I should definitely bring him back! I-"  
  
"But being next to you will hurt him as well. He will slowly become a real doll, would lose himself. He won't care about others, won't care about anything but you. Even then he won't really love you, he'll only love serving you, protecting you and caring for you. Nothing else is important anymore."  
  
Her eyes widened, mouth slack as she tried to process the words her mother said. No... _that wasn't what she wanted!_  She wanted N back, to love her and stay with her, but she didn't want him to lose everything else about himself. She just wanted it back to the way it was before, where he was himself yet loved her completely and showed only her affection. She didn't want him to become  _that._  
  
"W-why...why is that a thing? To do that...why would anyone want that for their doll?"  
  
"I  _told_  you, Saet-byul," her mother croaked, desperate, "you weren't supposed to fall in love with him. He was your protector and nothing more. I was preparing the one you were supposed to love." She paused for a second, leaning her forehead against the glass and letting out a shaking breath. "It's dangerous to love a special doll."  
  
"I-is...is there a way I can free him? My N...I just..." She started crying, whimpering.  
  
"There is no way. He is bound for life."  
  
She dropped the phone as she buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Those dolls she killed, had she killed them for nothing? Joon-myeon, Baek-hyun, all the others...had she forced them to go through unbearable pain for nothing? N's words that he could never love her because he was a doll rang in her head, repeating over and over as if mocking her. She wanted him to love her, but if there was no way she could free him, did that mean he will never love her? Will she never be able to feel him hold her and talk to her the way he used to?  
  
 _Of course there is a way to free him._  
  
 _You just have to keep killing those dolls._  
  
 _You just haven't found the right way yet._  
  
 _You can free him._  
  
She heard a quick knocking sound and looked up to see her mother tapping the glass with her hand, pointing at the phone when she saw she got her attention again. Sniffling, she brought the phone to her ear again, energy drained.  
  
"Saet-byul," she said quickly, clutching the phone desperately, "please stay with me. I want to hear your voice, there's not much time to talk and-"  
  
"Is there anything else?” she whispered, her voice barely above a strained whisper. “About the dolls? I...I don't know anymore..."  
  
Her mother's shoulders drooped when she cut her off, her hands shaking. She didn’t say anything for a short while, almost as if she was afraid to speak. Eventually, after giving another glance around, pressed her lips to the speaker of the phone, hissing lowly, "His name."  
  
Her head snapped up, eyes alert once again. "His n-name? Isn't it bad luck to say his name?"  
  
"No, that's only something I told you when you first started so you wouldn't be tempted to say his name. Saying his real name will….will…."  
  
“Will  _what?”_  
  
“It…it will kill him.”  
  
She jerked back as if hit. "N-no...that's impossible!" she screamed, her heart feeling as if it was ripped in two. What else could there be about a special doll? A special doll...shouldn't it be _special?_   _Better?_  Why was everything about it so terrible? Why did everything about it try and  _kill_  him? "Taek-woon oppa...Hong-bin-- they all say his name! They say it all the time and nothing happens!"  
  
"Of course it wouldn't! Your blood is on it, you are a doll maker. The moment you make your first doll, uttering any doll's real name becomes a curse in itself." She shuddered, remembering how Jae-hwan would scream in pain whenever she said his name, would flinch away and beg at the mere mention of the word. "Other people saying it won't have any effect, it's just you and I. For us, saying a doll's name would bring them indescribable pain, something that nothing I've done would compare to. It’s part of the failsafe that keeps them from running home. It's why we give them new names afterward, to spare them that."  
  
She thought back to N's scarred hands, how N refused to let her see his skin because of the scars her mother had inflicted on him. She could still hear his screams she had heard through the floor as she tortured him. She glared. "Are you even capable of sparing?"  
  
Her mother glared right back, a snarl on her lips that had her insides squirming, not that she would ever let it show. She would never give her mother the satisfaction that she still terrified her. "You can imagine and think all you want. A doll's name is something that not even we touch. It is something my mother taught me, and her mother taught her. It is something that must not be done."  
  
She thought back to all the times she had said Jae-hwan's name, both accidentally and intentionally. When he had screamed, she thought he had only been scared. She thought back to the times she said Baek-hyun's name, heard him cry out in pain, Joon-myeon too; she had said all their names and didn't think twice when they cried.  
  
 _You did nothing wrong._  
  
 _Don't listen to her._  
  
"But...N-"  
  
"He is a special doll, it is what will essentially kill him. He’ll be a true doll; his whole entire being will cease to exist, he will no longer be anything but a doll that lives for you. Relationships, personality, love, morals-- nothing will matter to him anymore. If you say it, you are killing him. Don’t ever say it unless you are ready to deal with the consequences.”  
  
“Why—why does everything want to  _kill_ N?” she cried desperately, wanting to shout that everything her mother was saying about N was false, was completely and absolutely  _wrong._ Why was everything trying so hard to keep him from her? What had she done so wrong that she was never allowed to be with him?  
  
“A protector without remorse is exactly what a protector  _should_ be! How could he protect you if he let his emotions get in the way? That is exactly what he is meant to be, and that is why it is so dangerous that you fall in love with him! You should never love a special doll, never-”  
  
Before she even had a chance to say continue, the door opened, the officer letting her know she only had five minutes left. Her mother panicked.  
  
"Saet-byul, there's still so much I haven't taught you. My baby, dolls-"  
  
She shook her head furiously, still too shaken up on what she had learned about N to listen to anything more her mother had to say. "I...I don't want to hear anymore."  
  
"If you keep on making dolls, you need-"  
  
"I won't. I don't care about dolls-"  
  
"Stop and listen to me! If you need anything, you must come back here. Only I can help you. I don’t want you to do anything rash or dangerous. Please come back." At that her mother did a quick glance around as if afraid anyone was listening. "You’re killing my dolls, you must come back before you do anything else. I can only imagine how confused you are, without me teaching and training you—you  _must_ come to me with any questions!”  
  
 _You don't need it._  
  
 _You don’t need her help._  
  
 _Don't listen to her._  
  
“No, I don’t want your help. You’ve done nothing for me.”  
  
 _That’s right, you don’t need her._  
  
 _You don’t need anyone._  
  
 _Just N._  
  
 _Just kill!_  
  
"Saet-byul, I love you! I just want to help-”  
  
 _Kill them!_  
  
 _Take back what's yours!_  
  
 _Kill anyone who stands in your way!_  
  
 _KILL THEM!_  
  
"Stop it!" she cried, dropping the phone and clutching her head, and she didn't need the phone to hear her mother shouting her name. The voices blocked out everything, clouded all of her senses as they pelted her with the terrible threat to kill. They hadn't been bad recently, had been sated with Jae-hwan and Won-shik, only whispering occasionally to her. She could vaguely hear her mother banging on the window, feel the officer run in and yank her to her feet.  
  
"Saet-byul!" her mother cried, struggling to get a hold of her, refusing to let the officer pull her away as she held onto the phone like a lifeline. "Saet-byul, answer me!"  
  
 _Kill them all and take back what's yours!_  
  
 _KILL THEM!_  
  
She shook as she tried her hardest to push the voices away, their commands so loud and oppressive she could barely breathe. The office said something to her, trying to get her out of the room, but she fought him. She wasn't done, wanted to let her mother know how much she hated her, how much she ruined everything, how much she had  _destroyed_  N…she--  
  
 _KILL THEM ALL!_  
  
 _KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL-_  
  
 _Fight it Saet-byul! Fight-_  
  
 _KILL!_  
  
A loud banging sound broke through the voices, and she looked up weakly to see her mother pressed against the glass, her eyes wild as she tried to grab her. Her mother scratched at the thick glass with her fingers, her eyes never leaving Saet-byul. "No...not you too!" She blinked up, disorientated and confused.  
  
"Me too...?"  
  
"My baby Byullie, not you too! You can't-- I hoped you would never have them! Oh my baby! No!" The officer on her mother's side quickly restrained her as he tried to pull her out of the room, her mother fighting all the way.  _"Why? You were so good, why would they come for you too? Saet-byul, no!"_  
  
"Wait, me too? What do you mean?" But by then, her mother was gone, her shouts muffled as she was taken away. Did her mother hear them too? Did the voices plague her too, shouting in her head, demanding her kill and torture? Was that...was that why she brought so many dolls downstairs? Why she tortured them?  
  
She allowed the officer to pull her away, letting him lead her out of the room and get her a cup of water. No, her mother tortured those dolls on her own, had willingly tortured N because she hated him. Her mother always hit her when she was angry, that was on her own too. Her mother was horrible and she hated her for what she'd done, for touching what wasn't hers and hurting N. But then...if she had been hearing these voices all this time, and if they were as terrible as they were for her, did they force her to torture N? To steal him away from her and hurt him?  
  
The officer handed her a cup of water as he asked concernedly if there was anyone threatening her, telling her he would protect her. She fought the urge to scoff at that, just quietly shaking her head and saying it was nothing. He pushed, telling her that no one would know she talked to him and she would be safe.  
  
 _Doll._  
  
 _Doll._  
  
 _Make a doll._  
  
 _Make one, watch him burn._  
  
She hurriedly shoved the officer away and ran out of the building, not stopping until it was completely out of view. She was gasping, running behind a tree and collapsing to the ground. Her whole body was trembling, her head spinning, and she just wanted N's arms wrapped around her with his lips in her ear whispering that everything was alright. She wanted him so badly, but everyone was right. She was dangerous. There were so many things she could do to him, terrible things she didn't want to do. At that moment, she wished more than anything that he wasn't her doll, that he was just a normal man that she could love freely.  
  
His smile, his laugh, his touch, his love– she wanted all of it, wanted it only for her. But everything about her would take it away, would crush and destroy it. Whether she stayed with him or hid away, that beautiful light she loved would be smothered.  
  
She buried her head in her knees.  
  
 _But if you free him, he can be yours._  
  
 _Everything about him is yours._  
  
 _All you have to do is figure out how to free him._  
  
These voices...these terrible voices that followed her everywhere and made her do terrible things, if her mother heard them, was she going to be like her mother? Was that what all the other dolls meant? That no matter what she did, she would end up like her mother? She thought back to Jae-hwan and Won-shik in her house, huddled in the corner and watching her with fear in their eyes. Had she already started? N hated her mother, did that mean he would hate her too?  
  
 _Is that why he stayed away from her?_  
  
She jumped when her phone beeped, and she took a few seconds to calm herself before pulling it out of her pocket. She let out a small whimper when she saw Hyuk's name, the other innocently asking her if she was alright and if she had seen Jae-hwan recently. She felt so guilty when she thought of Jae-hwan in her apartment, his face twisted in pain etched deep into her memory. Hyukkie had no idea. He didn't know what she had done, what she had been doing.  
  
Another text appeared, asking if she was really okay, and if she needed him. She started crying again. She missed him, her dear Hyukkie. But she was scared, scared of herself and the voices and what they would do if they saw him. She had already turned Jae-hwan, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she turned Hyukkie too.  
  
She had to stay away.  
  
Making up her mind, she threw the phone Hyuk had bought her to the ground, crushing it with her foot before resolutely heading home.


	29. Chapter 29

He had been waiting weeks for anything from Hak-yeon, knowing the other was avoiding him because he thought he was in danger. It was a strange feeling; Taek-woon had spent so many years protecting Hak-yeon and Hong-bin, keeping them safe and comfortable, not letting even the smallest thing bother them. While he wouldn't deny that Hak-yeon turning around and protecting  _him_ made him incredibly happy and warm, he would trade it in a heartbeat if it meant Hak-yeon would stay with him. He missed him so much.  
  
But Hak-yeon had asked him to wait, had promised that he would come back, and Taek-woon would wait forever.    
  
Taek-woon's hands shook as he shoved them in his pant pockets, his body trembling despite how warm it was outside. He knew Hak-yeon had asked him to stay away, and would be upset if Taek-woon came by again. He never wanted to be the one to make him upset, had centered his life around making him and Hong-bin happy and safe, but he felt this was something he couldn't hide away. Hak-yeon had told him that someone was hurting the dolls, had suspected it was Saet-byul despite neither of them thinking it true-- he couldn't hide the fact that Jae-hwan had gone missing after visiting her.   
  
That and...Taek-woon's chest tightened and stomach twisted at the incredibly selfish thought that flooded his mind... _Hak-_ _yeon_ _might come back home if he told._  
  
The sight of the antique shop came into view, but all Taek-woon could think about was Hak-yeon and Hong-bin inside. Hak-yeon...Hak-yeon wouldn't be too angry with him for coming back, knew that even if he seemed angry at first for not listening to him, would be just as happy to see him. He repeated that in his head as he brought up a hand to knock-- he paused.  
  
_No…_  
  
He couldn't...he couldn't bother Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon had asked him to stay away, had trusted him to listen and promised to come back when everything was resolved. There was a reason he asked him to leave, why he felt it necessary that he leave him alone. Taek-woon...if he went back before he was ready, before he was finished, Hak-yeon would be upset. And... _he might not come back._  He swallowed. Taek-woon had to be quiet and obedient, that was the way for him to come back; he had to be strong and confident to protect and care for them...but he also had to be obedient in order for them to return.  
  
A small part of him tried to reason that Hak-yeon was different, wouldn't leave him forever because of something so trivial, but a much larger part of him was terrified. Taek-woon couldn't be alone again,  _needed_ Hak-yeon.  
  
Needed them both.  
  
He couldn't risk it, couldn't risk doing anything that would keep him away.  
  
He turned around and hurried away before anyone had a chance to see him, his hands shaking and his teeth biting down hard into his lip. He thought of the things Sang-hyuk had told him-- that Saet-byul had stopped contact with anyone, that Jae-hwan went to check on her and seemed to disappear right after. He knew he should tell Hak-yeon, but...he ran a hand through his hair at the equally selfish thought that he couldn't risk the chance Hak-yeon would refuse to come home for not listening to him. He was gone for so long, almost a month now with absolutely no contact-- he didn't,  _couldn't_  chance it.  
  
That and...Hak-yeon had too much right now, had to deal with so much because of Saet-byul. He was always like that, even before everything happened, would always look out and take care of others before himself. So he wouldn't burden him, would keep to what Hak-yeon wanted, would stay away...and he would see Saet-byul himself. He didn't have anything to do with the dolls, he could probably talk more sense into her than the others.   
  
He stopped by his apartment to grab a few things first, his phone tucked in his pocket and his bag slung over his shoulder. He was about to head out when there was a knock on his door, and while his initial reaction was to excitedly think it Hak-yeon coming back home, he quickly remembered what had happened only a little while ago and steadied himself.   
  
He couldn't hide his disappointment when he found it only to be his mother, her bright smile fading almost instantly at the sight of his appearance; something he knew probably looked awful at this point. She threw her bag to the ground as she jumped on him, her hands running over his face and chest as if trying to find what was bothering him.    
  
She would never know, would never understand.  
  
She never would understand just how much Taek-woon wanted Hak-yeon to come home.   
  
"Taek-woon ah, what's going on? I got a call from the landlord saying you haven't been paying rent, and I was so worried that I came all the way here, but looking at you-- what happened baby? Did something happen?" She reached out to touch his face but he pulled back, turning away as he tried to walk around her, having no time or patience to talk. His mother's lips turned down into a tight frown as she grabbed his arm and pulled him back, shutting the door behind her.   
  
"Taek-woon, please don't run away. Something's bothering you, I am your mother. I can tell." She led him over to the couch, forcing him to sit down, and even though Taek-woon wanted to leave, wanted to go out and do whatever it took to bring Hak-yeon home, he couldn't fight his mother. Despite how sweet she acted and soft she spoke, he was never able to disobey her. He was too afraid to.   
  
When she saw him comply, she sat down next to him, running a soothing hand down his back as she leaned forward to try and get a look at his face. "Did something happen?" She tried to brush his cheek but he pulled away. "Did-" Her eyes widened as she quickly looked around the room. "Did something happen to Hak-yeon or Hong-bin?"   
  
He stiffened at the mention of their names, swallowing heavily as he controlled his reaction, his hands pressing sweatily against his knees. "N-no."   
  
Her lips pressed together, not believing him for a second, as she got up and headed into the kitchen. Understanding was clear in her voice. "You look like you haven't eaten in days. Let your mother cook you a nice meal." He didn't say anything as he watched her look through the fridge, her forced smile thinning when she saw the expiration dates on the food. He hadn't shopped for groceries in a long time, was surviving on rice and instant noodles. She continued, her voice still cheerful. "Why don't you go bring Hak-yeon and Binnie out? I'm sure they'd like to have a good meal too."   
  
He could feel his composure breaking, his lip trembling as he fought to keep a calm façade. After he forced her to leave, he was going to go confront Saet-byul. He was going to fix this, bring them back. They were going to come back. He struggled to keep his voice steady, didn't want to give anything away. "I-I...they...they can't-"   
  
"You don't have to get them right away, I'm sure my surprise visit scared them." She eventually found some unspoiled meat in the freezer and went to run it under warm water. "Just tell them I'm here. They'll come out eventually." He thought of Hak-yeon and Hong-bin back at the store, the feeling of Hak-yeon’s hand on his cheek as he pleaded him to go home. He thought of the empty room in his apartment, empty because they left him alone to keep him safe. Everything was for him, and he was going to give back by helping, bringing them home-- but...but...  
  
"They're...they're not here..."    
  
His mother froze, the sound of the water splashing uselessly over the meat extremely loud in the following silence. She turned to stare at him, eyes wide in shock and confusion, and he couldn't hold up his façade any longer, burying his head in his hands and letting the anguish that he had been holding in for so long finally out. He felt hands wrap around him, a voice shushing and comforting him, but it wasn't Hak-yeon, wasn't Hak-yeon's voice reassuring him. It was the voice he tried his hardest to ignore, to push away.    
  
_I can't take him, you know that. I just got promoted at the office, I'm going to be so busy. I won't have time to look after a child._  
  
"Shh, it's alright Taek-woonie, Mommy is here." She started running her hand through his hair in the way Hak-yeon always did, and he pathetically leaned into the touch. It was okay if he pretended it was Hak-yeon. She kissed his head, something Hak-yeon also always did, and he shuddered. "What do you mean? Hak-yeon, where could he have gone? You know how he is-"   
  
"Something happened...they went to stay with a friend. He said...said it was safer for me."   
  
_I don't want him either, you know you were the one that wanted a child. I never wanted him._  
  
She started to rock him, one arm reaching to wrap around his broad shoulders and the other cupping his ear, and that was too much for him. He didn't want her, she didn't deserve to do this, and tried to push her away. She grumbled as her grip turned hard, her fingers pressing into his side to keep him still. "Taek-woon, how long has this been going on? Hak-yeon, you know he wasn't going to stay forever, he was getting better. It was only a matter of time before he wanted to move out."   
  
"No!" he cried, gaining enough strength to push her off of him. She looked exasperated, but he didn't care. "Hak-yeon would  _never_ leave me. Not like you did."    
  
_Don't say things like that! He's still your son. And it would only be temporary. You would have him for a couple months, then I'd have him for a couple._  
  
_Do you know how much work it will be to take care of a child alone? What will the neighbors say? Co-workers?_  
  
_They don't have to know. Taek-woon's a quiet kid, he can just stay in his room if anyone comes over. He won't cause trouble._  
  
The guilt that crossed his mother's face only fueled his anger; he stalked off, going to the kitchen and taking the meat and throwing it back in the freezer. He gasped as he leaned against the fridge, his fingers shaking as he tried his best to hold himself up. How dare she...how dare she assume anything about Hak-yeon, as if she knew anything about him? Hak-yeon was nothing like her, was nothing like either of his parents, should never be included in the same  _sentence_ as them. "Taek-woon ah, I didn't mean it like that! Hak-yeon would never leave you, he really loves you and would definitely come back. You don't have to worry about him throwing you away-"   
  
_"Hak-_ _yeon_ _would never do that,"_ Taek-woon spat, whirling around to glare at her, his chest heaving as he tried his hardest to control himself. He rarely lost control, always bottled up his feelings so he could be a consistent and dependable anchor for Hak-yeon and Hong-bin. He had centered everything in his life to protecting and caring for them, did everything and anything for them. He controlled everything, hid everything-- but now that his reason for living had disappeared, that perfect control was collapsing.    
  
And she was only making it worse.   
  
So much worse.    
  
"Hak-yeon is  _nothing_ like  _either_ of you. Don't you  _ever_ compare him to either of you." His mother jumped up, running over to try and hold his hands. He slapped her away, moving back to the main room in an attempt to run away, to get her to leave him alone. But his mother seemed determined today to keep his attention, to try and  _comfort_ him. He didn't want it, didn't want anything from her.    
  
_What do you mean you won't sign the papers? I can just send Taek-woon to my sister for the time being. Don't use Taek-woon as an excuse for not signing._  
  
_You think just sending him away will solve the problem? Just send him to a damn orphanage. It'll be better than fighting on who'll take him._  
  
_I will not send my son to an orphanage! I just can't take care of him right now. I'll come back for him when I've settled-_  
  
_And you think after living that way, you'll want to take back the burden of caring for a child? I already told you, I don't want him. If you don't want him, then send him away._  
  
"I was wrong, Taek-woon, I know this," she cried as she tugged pitifully on his arm. "But I have always loved you, we both have. You're my baby, I love you-"   
  
"You don't love me!" He pulled away, nearly begging her to not touch him again. She hesitated from grabbing him again, in the end dropping her hands onto her dress agitatedly. "You didn't want me then, but pretended you still loved me. You both pretended, even when I listened every night at how neither of you wanted me. How can I believe you now? Believe you at all?"   
  
_My sister said she'll care for him. He can stay there, and we can visit for now._  
  
_You're already taking half my money and inheritance, you might as well take him with you._  
  
_He isn't a thing! He is your son!_  
  
_Taek-woon pressed his hands over his ears as tears ran down his cheeks, his parents’ words echoing painfully in his head. Every night, he sat outside his parents’ room as he listened to them fight, fighting to see who wanted him. Neither did, wanted to get rid of a burden that would only hang over them after they divorced. He was unwanted, unloved._  
  
_His mother screamed something terrible to his father before stepping out, stopping short at the sight of him sitting by the door, tearfully covering his ears and staring right back at her. "T-Taek-woon..."_  
  
_"What is it?" his father asked irritably, following her and also freezing upon seeing him. He coughed uncomfortably. "How long have you been sitting there?" He didn't answer, knowing they would be angry to know he had listened every night._  
  
_His mother knelt next to him and he hurriedly scrambled away, afraid of even a touch from her. This wasn't his mother-- mothers were supposed to love their children and be by their side forever. She was supposed to love him. They were both supposed to love him. But they were lying._  
  
"I did want you! Taek-woon, you know I had been working so hard for that promotion, I couldn't deal with both you and the divorce-"  
  
_"Taek-woon, I...it isn't what you're thinking, I promise. Mommy...Mommy loves you. I'm just really busy, and right now isn't a good time-"_  
  
_"I'm quiet..." he mumbled back, startling them both, "I'm quiet and I'll stay in my room. I'll do good in school. I won't ask for anything. But..." She tried to give him a hug but he ran away, pressing himself against the wall. "Please don't throw me away."_  
  
"No you didn't! You never wanted me! You were going to give me away and never come back!"   
  
Her face paled, panicking as she grabbed a hold of him desperately. He was so agitated, so confused, he couldn't even push her away anymore. His cries were just loud gasps, his throat feeling as if it had collapsed and he had to take huge breaths to try and breathe. It was painful and he just wanted everything to stop. To curl up in a ball and never move again.   
  
"I was just upset at the time; I would definitely have come back. Taek-woon ah, you're my son and I love you. I have always loved you. We stayed together for you, we couldn't part knowing what it would do to you. Please, baby, please stop this!"  
  
"I...no...I would rather wait for Hak-yeon forever than believe you."  
  
She was crying now too, holding his face in her hands as she reached up to kiss his cheeks. "My Taek-woon ah, I know I have done so much wrong to you, and I am so, so sorry. But please believe me, I love you so much. I love you the most in this entire world, and I will do anything for you." He weakly tried to push her away again, didn't want to believe her, but she held him fast. "I know you hate me, hate both of us, and you have every right. It killed me when you suddenly quit soccer and locked yourself in your room, only studying. What I had turned you into was a worse punishment than anything in the world."  
  
"Please stop..." he begged, shaking. "I can't...I can't right now..."  
  
"And I know," she continued, her voice cracking as tears clouded her eyes, "that you love Hak-yeon more than you will ever love me." Her hands trailed down until they held his own. "But please know that no matter what, you are my baby and I love you." He didn't say anything, struggling to find words, when there was a knock on the door. Immediately she pulled her hands away, caressing his cheek gently before going to answer. He didn't move, his body numb and his mind blank, until he heard his mother's surprised cry.  
  
"H-Hak-yeon?" His head snapped up to indeed see Hak-yeon standing at the door, Hong-bin right behind him. Hak-yeon looked so good, his skin shining, and just looked so healthy. Hong-bin cried out his name, shoving past his mother and launching on him in a tight hug.  
  
"Bin missed Taek-woon hyung!" he cried happily, his voice so light and bubbly, and he couldn't remember a time here where Hong-bin sounded so happy. The bright smile on his face vanished the moment he looked up, standing straight up. "Taek-woon hyung, are you crying?"  
  
"What?" Hak-yeon demanded, roughly shoving his mother aside and coming right up to him, pausing at the sight of what probably looked like a complete mess. He quickly tried to wipe the tears away, didn't want Hak-yeon to see him like this when he was supposed to be strong. Hak-yeon didn't say anything, just gently nudging Hong-bin aside and pulling Taek-woon into a crushing hug. The feeling of Hak-yeon's hands patting his back, his warm, reassuring presence so close, he couldn't help but pathetically bury his face in the other's shoulder, crying. He held onto him just as tightly, afraid that he would disappear again.  
  
"I'm here Taek-woonie," he cooed, his one hand moving to cup the back of his head. "I told you I would be back. I've come back."   
  
"Hak-yeon...Hak-yeon ah..." he whispered, breathing in Hak-yeon's scent. Hak-yeon had truly come back. He always believed him, had known he wasn't like the others. Wasn't like his parents. Hak-yeon was Hak-yeon.  
  
Hak-yeon waited until Taek-woon's cries had softened to whimpers, tenderly and hesitantly pulling away so he could look him in the eye. Taek-woon looked guiltily at the wet spot on his shoulder, though that seemed to be the least of the other's concern. "Taek-woonie, what happened? My Taek-woonie, who made you cry?"   
  
"Hak-yeon-" his mother started, though both she and Taek-woon were shocked at the absolutely vicious glare the other shot at her, his hands shooting out to protectively block Taek-woon away from her.   
  
"What did you do to him?" he snarled. "If you hurt him, I'll-"  
  
"Hak-yeon," Taek-woon whispered, tugging on his arm. "It's alright. I'm...I'm alright." Hak-yeon hesitated, looking torn between listening to him and tearing his mother apart. In the end, he took a deep breath before looking levelly at her, voice hard.   
  
"Please leave." She immediately looked to Taek-woon for help, both shocked and confused at how much Hak-yeon was speaking. Taek-woon refused to look or help, both physically and mentally drained, and she bit her lip before resolutely heading to the door to pick up her long-discarded bag.   
  
"I'll come back another time Taek-woon ah. Please remember what I said. I love you." She sent him one last smile before walking out and closing the door behind her; at that moment he felt his knees give out from under him. Hak-yeon cried out as he quickly caught him, eyes filled with worry as he and Hong-bin helped him to the couch. Hak-yeon sat right by him, his warm hands refusing to let go, and he never felt so happy and comforted than at that moment. The Hak-yeon looking at him now was the one from so many years ago, the Hak-yeon he had known and missed.  
  
\--  
  
"My sweet Taek-woonie, my Taek-woonie, I'm here. I'm here." Hak-yeon continuously repeated, a soothing hand rubbing circles into the back of Taek-woon's hands, smiling gently. Taek-woon sniffled, his eyes red and puffy, his small lips pursed together in a small pout, and Hak-yeon thought he was the most adorable thing. The other only nodded along with Hak-yeon's words, still crying softly. He could feel Hong-bin shift next to him, his whole body shivering in worry, but Hak-yeon couldn't focus on that. Not when his Taek-woonie was crying.  
  
"Taek-woonie-"  
  
"Y-you...are you staying?" Taek-woon's soft voice was even softer, barely audible, yet Hak-yeon heard every word clearly. He hesitated, his thumbs pausing mid-circle, before giving a small nod. Taek-woon noticed the pause, his hands quickly moving and grabbing Hak-yeon's. "You won't leave again, will you? You came back, right?"  
  
"My Taek-woonie," he said, forcing on a wide smile as he cupped the other's full cheeks in his hands, his thumbs brushing away his tears, "I won't leave you. Hong-binnie and I came home." Taek-woon didn't move for the longest time, his eyes narrowed as if in deep thought, before a small smile slowly grew on his lips.  
  
"Really...?"  
  
He nodded, still smiling. "Really. I'm sorry that I was gone for so long." Hong-bin nearly jumped on him from behind, and Hak-yeon let out a surprised laugh. "Though I think Binnie here is more excited than I am. He's been waiting to come home." He shifted back a little so Hong-bin could finally get the hug he wanted, the younger boy settling himself in Taek-woon's lap. Taek-woon hurriedly wiped his face and laughed breathlessly, arms awkwardly wrapped around Hong-bin's waist.  
  
"Taek-woon hyung, Taek-woon hyung," Hong-bin blurted out, bouncing excitedly, "we'll bathe later, right? And you'll help me dress for bed, right? I want to eat with hyung and have hyung color my hair again. You can do that, right hyung?" Taek-woon looked helplessly at Hak-yeon, thrown off by Hong-bin's bright and excited attitude, and seeing that confusion made Hak-yeon smile happily. Hong-bin didn't seem deterred by Taek-woon's lack of response, tugging on the other's hand. "Bath, bath. Let's take a bath hyung."  
  
"W-wait," Taek-woon mumbled out, blinking in surprise when Hong-bin started to pout, "it's too early to take a bath. Are you hungry?"  
  
"I-" Hak-yeon started.  
  
"Ah, I...I haven't bought any groceries recently. Here, wait here, I can go out and buy something really quick and make it for you."  
  
"Wait, Taek-woon-"  
  
"I won't be long," he reassured, pushing a pouting Hong-bin off his lap and moving to get up. Hak-yeon quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him, guiltily biting his lip at the quizzical look the other sent. "Hak-yeon?"  
  
"Taek-woon hyung," Hong-bin tried again, tugging on Taek-woon's sleeve, "come-"  
  
"That's enough Hong-bin," Hak-yeon said gently, sighing at the sight of Hong-bin's defeated look and the narrowing, suspicious look of Taek-woon. He silently guided Taek-woon back to the couch, keeping his eyes down. He let out a steadying breath, bracing himself from what he knew was to come. "I...I'm heading out in a minute Taek-woonie...you don't have to cook for me."  
  
The reaction was immediate, Taek-woon ripping his hands out of Hak-yeon's. "What? You-- you just said you're staying. Where are you going?"  
  
Hak-yeon quickly took his hands again, smiling reassuringly. "Taek-woon, it's okay, I'm not leaving for good. I'm just going to see Saet-byul first. I don't want to believe it...but something is happening to my Byullie and I'm afraid she's going to end up hurting herself if I don't stop her." Hak-yeon watched as Taek-woon's expression shifted from worry, to panic, to fear; a flurry of emotions passed over his Taek-woonie's face before it all was hidden behind a controlled look of understanding, and Hak-yeon's stomach clenched. He had started noticing the little flickers of insecurity and fear that used to define his friend so thoroughly, and was now seeing how much Taek-woon had changed to take care of him and Hong-bin.  
  
He gently cupped Taek-woon's face in his hands, resting his forehead against the other's. "My sweet Taek-woonie..."  
  
He could hear Taek-woon swallow, feel his shaky, warm breath cascade over his eyes and nose. "You...you said she was hurting the dolls. Has...has she hurt anyone else?"   
  
_How he wanted to hear Taek-woon's real thoughts, to see him lower his perfect walls and show him what he was truly feeling._  
  
Hak-yeon paused, remembering the complete disarray the antique shop was in, Joon-myeon's disappearance causing any order the older man had managed to keep disappear instantly. He had tried to keep order, to stop Jong-dae from lashing out in a crazed frenzy and to keep Kyung-soo from killing himself, to try and bring Chan-yeol out of his growing depression and trying to get Yixing to help in any way the hearing-impaired man could. He had managed for a little over a week, the disappearances stopping almost completely, until Jong-dae managed to grab hold of a knife to free them all from Saet-byul and the dolls.  
  
No one was hurt luckily, but it was enough to push Hak-yeon to go and confront Saet-byul on whatever she was doing.  
  
"She's...it's getting worse and I'm afraid she's going to destroy herself if I don't stop her." He didn't want to believe it, could remember the way her little face would light up when he would so much as hug her. He didn't want to believe that that little girl could be purposefully kidnapping and torturing anyone like they were saying. Not his Byullie. He didn't care if he thought that way because he was a 'special' doll or whatever, he would fix whatever this was with Saet-byul. "I wanted to talk with her, but I'm too afraid to bring Hong-bin with me. I know she doesn't like him, and I'm afraid if something goes wrong she might hurt him."  
  
"So...you're leaving him here?" Taek-woon asked, his eyes refusing to look up.  
  
"No," he said, smiling as he playfully bumped their noses together, Taek-woon's cheeks flushing, "I told you, I'm coming back. I thought he would be better here with you while I talk with her." He rubbed his thumbs over the other's cheeks, running down until they rested against the corner of his lips. Taek-woon's breath stopped, eyes finally looking up at him, and Hak-yeon smiled.  
  
"H-Hak-yeon-"  
  
"Be careful, and stay here until I come back, okay?" Taek-woon nodded, leaning desperately into his touch. Hak-yeon took that moment to look over his Taek-woonie, guilt coursing through him when he felt the other shaking under his fingers, dark circles under his eyes and his skin pale and wet with sweat. He did this, to his Taek-woonie, made him sick with worry and fear. "I will never leave you like that again," he whispered.  
  
"Hak-yeon-"  
  
"You've taken such wonderful care of me, was so strong for me." Taek-woon stopped breathing. "I am so very thankful for everything you've done for me." Taek-woon hesitantly looked up at him, eyes wide and childlike, and Hak-yeon was painfully reminded of that little boy who would write notes for him and hung on every word he said. "But now let me take care of you. Let me care for my Taek-woonie."  
  
"H-Hak-yeon," Taek-woon tried again, eyes wet and voice trembling. Hak-yeon could feel the anxiety and apprehension in the other's voice and, wanting nothing more than to soothe the other, placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Taek-woon tensed under his touch, his whole body shuddering, but before Hak-yeon had a chance to ask him what was wrong, Taek-woon suddenly grabbed his face and pressed his lips firmly against his.  
  
Hong-bin cried out confusedly and indignantly behind him, but Hak-yeon never heard it, eyes wide as he tried to process what was happening. Taek-woon’s lips were soft yet rough, his lower lip puffy from how much he bit it— but Hak-yeon couldn’t think past the fact that this was  _Taek-woon_ kissing him. Taek-woon seemed just as unsure, quickly pulling back and biting his lip again, his whole face red with embarrassment. “I-I,” he stuttered, his hands shaking terribly, “I-I’m sorry, I-I…I…”  
  
“Taek-woon…”  
  
“I’m sorry, I-”  
  
“No, you didn’t-”  
  
“What…how come Taek-woon hyung kissed your lips?” Hong-bin asked, tugging on Hak-yeon’s sleeve. “I don’t understand; how come Hak-yeon hyung never kisses Bin’s lips?”  
  
“N-not now Binnie,” Hak-yeon stuttered out, eyes still locked on Taek-woon and how the other refused to look at him, hands pressed firmly against his legs. “Taek-woon, that-”  
  
“Y-you should go check on Saet-byul now,” Taek-woon hissed, silent tears running down his cheeks. “I’ll watch Hong-bin.”  
  
“Wait, Hak-yeon hyung, I don’t understand-”  
  
“We’ll talk about this when I get back,” he said, reaching out and forcibly taking Taek-woon’s hand in his own, squeezing it gently. He reached over to try and wipe his tears, and even though the other flinched back initially, Hak-yeon dried his tears with his thumb. Taek-woon nodded his head, and Hak-yeon caressed his cheek one last time before getting up.  
  
Hong-bin jumped and clung onto Hak-yeon’s hand the moment he stood up, eyes wide. “Hak-yeon hyung will come back, right?" Hong-bin asked, frowning. "Bin only promised if Hak-yeon hyung came back."  
  
"Of course I'll come back. I could never leave my Hong-binnie or my Taek-woonie." He stole a glance at the immobile Taek-woon before smiling down sweetly at Hong-bin. “Be nice for Taek-woon, okay?” Hong-bin nodded, though his hand still held onto him firmly. “Binnie?”  
  
“Kiss,” Hong-bin insisted, pointing at his lips excitedly, and it took Hak-yeon a second to realize what he wanted.  
  
“Sorry Binnie,” he laughed, leaning down and kissing Hong-bin on the forehead, “kisses on the lips are only for Taek-woonie.” Taek-woon looked up at him in a mixture of shock and disbelief, though he didn’t give him a chance to respond as he hurriedly escaped before Hong-bin could fully understand what he said.


	30. Chapter 30

"Saet-byul?" he asked, knocking on the door of the apartment Taek-woon had told him to be Saet-byul's family's. He had never met the family that adopted her, that in part due to how he only recently had started to get better, though he wasn't sure if he was very keen on meeting them. Their son had very obviously been the one hurting her, causing Saet-byul undeserved pain, and they had done nothing about it. Hopefully they weren't home, he couldn't guarantee he could control himself if he came in to see them and found his Byullie in pain.  
  
"Saet-byul?" he called out again, knocking louder. He frowned when she didn't answer, and was suddenly overcome with near-crippling anxiety that something could have happened to her. He gasped as he went for the doorknob, not even noticing that the door was unlocked, and stumbled inside to see Saet-byul hurriedly running out of a room and slamming the door closed. A flash of guilt passed over her face before she grinned brilliantly, running straight into his arms.  
  
"N!" she trilled, trying to rub her face in his chest, but he quickly tore her away, holding her shoulders fiercely as he stared down at her in horror.  
  
"Saet-byul...what happened to you?" The girl in front of him wasn't the same little Byullie he'd seen only a few weeks ago. This wasn't Saet-byul at all-- she looked horribly malnourished, her skin extremely pale. She had lost a considerable amount of weight, her body looking thin and weak, her cheeks sunken and eyes ringed with dark circles. Her hair was tangled and limp, and he couldn't help a small whimper at the sight of what his Byullie had become. She wriggled in his grasp, whimpering at how he was hurting her, and he immediately let go.  
  
"S-Saet-byul-"  
  
"You came back N!" she cried out, ignoring his attempts to say anything as she clung onto his arm. "I knew you would come back to me. Everyone else was wrong, I knew you wouldn't leave me like that."  
  
"Saet-byul!" he snapped, shifting so he could look at her properly. "What happened? Are you sick? Where are your parents? Your brother? Why are they letting you go around like this?"  
  
"They're...busy," she said slowly, refusing to look him in the eye.  
  
 _"Busy?"_  He wanted to grab her again and shake her until she stopped defending them. "Saet-byul, look at yourself-- you look terrible. If they've been doing this to you-"  
  
"I told you," she interrupted, smiling again as she started to tug him inside, his body all but complacent to her wishes, "you don't have to worry about that anymore. I took care of it, so everything's okay now." He stiffened at her choice of words, pulling on her hand to stop her. She looked up at him confusedly, her whole face so innocent, and for a second he felt the words he wanted to ask her slip away. It couldn't be his Saet-byul, she was too sweet, too good, she couldn't hurt a fly, but-  
  
"Byullie," he started, frowning when he saw how happy she grew at just the nickname, "I...I need to ask you something."  
  
Her whole face was glowing as she nodded her head. "Of course N, you can ask me anything!"  
  
He took a deep breath, careful, a thumb reaching out and fingering the dark circle around her right eye, "Are you doing anything with the other dolls?" He blinked when she immediately pulled back, her eyes full of betrayal as she closed in on herself. Her eyes darted over to the door she had closed when he came in, and when he made a move to open it she held his arm fast.  
  
"Don't go in there," she warned, the first time she had gone anywhere near threatening him, and warning bells went off in his head.  
  
"What is in there, Saet-byul?" When she didn't answer, he faced her completely, his eyes hard as all the things Baek-hyun had spewed at him rang in his ears. He wanted to ignore them, to pull her into a large hug and bury his face in her hair and let her know that he didn't believe anything the others said. He wanted to tell her that she was his Byullie, to not listen to the others, to know she was special and he did love her, even if he knew it was not wise to live with her. He really wanted to, but when he saw her gaunt face staring at him, holding his arm tight and sternly preventing him from going in that room, a small part of him started to wonder if what he had believed this whole time was wrong.  
  
"Saet-byul...let go of me."  
  
"You can't go in there N," she said firmly, tugging on his arm for emphasis. When he glared down at her, waiting, her hard stance faltered, her eyes trailing down to her hands. "I...everyone's been telling me for so long how I am a terrible person and I'll be just like my mother. I...I didn't want to believe them, I knew I wasn't anything like her, and I wanted to be a good person. For you N...so even when everyone yelled at me and called me names, I was able to endure it if I knew you still believed me, if you still loved me." She looked up at him, her eyes watering.  
  
"But you don't believe me. Even you...even you don't believe me."  
  
"Saet-byul," he said tenderly, pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head. She clung to him desperately, holding him so tight as if she would never let go again. "I do believe you, I always will believe you." She started hiccupping, rubbing her face into his chest. "But..." she stiffened, "something is happening to the others, and you're the only one who knows about the dolls."  
  
She pushed him away, disbelief and pain clear in her eyes. "You...do you think I did it?"  
  
"Please Saet-byul, please tell me it's not you. Tell me you're not the one kidnapping the others. It's not you, right?" She hesitated and he grew desperate. "Please say it's not you! Saet-byul, I know you and I know you would never do something like this. I know how sweet you are." She started to cry, her face full of guilt, and he tried his best to look over that. "But something's going on and I need to know what's happening. Please tell me it's not you and it's someone else."  
  
"I...I-- N, it's not like that!"  
  
"Then what is it?" When she didn't answer him, refusing to look him in the eye, he felt a part of him break. His Byullie, he couldn't believe...she couldn't have...not his Byullie.  _Not his Byullie_. "Saet-byul...did you do anything to the dolls?" Tears ran down her face, and he swallowed heavily, his voice dropping.  
  
"Did you hurt them?"  
  
"I did it for you N!" she blurted out, hugging herself and shaking her head as she backed away. He froze, a cold shudder running down his spine. Did that mean...she really  _did_  kidnap the others? For him? For  _him?_  She kidnapped and hurt the others for  _him?_  "I only did it for you! I've been trying to figure out how to free you so you can love me again. I just want you to come back N!"  
  
"For  _me?_ ” he cried, both horrified and beyond disappointed. He had believed in her, had always believed in her, had never wanted her to succumb to the dolls-- but here she was. He looked at her, tried to find any hint of the little Byullie he knew, and whimpered when he couldn't find anything. There was nothing. This girl in front of him wasn't his Byullie. It wasn't her anymore. "You did all this...for  _me?"_  
  
"I didn't want to hurt them," she pleaded, still afraid to go near him even when it was clearly evident that she wanted to run back to him. "But I couldn't use your doll to figure it out, I could never hurt you like that N."  
  
"But you would hurt the others instead." He didn't mean to sound so accusing, but all he could think of was Kyung-soo crying all day, Chan-yeol cutting up his hands as he threw things searching for Baek-hyun. He thought of Joon-myeon, the selfless Joon-myeon who worked himself ragged just to keep everyone safe. He struggled to keep his voice level, licking his lips as he took a slow breath. "Do you even realize how much pain you're causing? Not just to the dolls, but to everyone else?"  
  
"How else can I figure out how to free you? I can't touch you, I couldn't bear to touch your doll N."  
  
"That doesn't matter! How could you even think of doing this? You know what it would do! You saw what--" his voice cut off, and he had to take a moment to collect himself, already feeling himself start to cry, "you saw what it did to Seok-jin."  
  
She stiffened at the mention of Seok-jin's name, and he was sure it caused her just as much pain as it did for him.  
  
"I...but it's the only way...N..."  
  
"You were there, Saet-byul. You saw Seok-jin die, saw him burn to death right in front of us. Do you know how much it hurts every time I think of my baby brother? That  _I_ was the one that said it was okay? Every day I think of how I was the one that allowed that to happen, all because we were trying to figure out how to free  _me._  My brother died because of  _me._ Because we were too scared to use  _my_ doll. How...how could you even  _think_ of doing this again?"  
  
"N..." She stared at him in horror, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. She was shaking, her whole body shivering terribly, staggering backwards when he reached out towards her. "That...that wasn't-" She winced, grabbing her head, and he moved towards her concernedly to help. She gasped, shoving him back.  
  
"Saet-byul-"  
  
"Seok-jin was different," she cut him off, her voice suddenly hard. "I'm sorry about Seok-jin, and I wish I could go back and stop myself from killing him. But these dolls, they aren't you or Seok-jin."  
  
"You think that matters?" he asked, unable to hide the astonishment from his voice. "These people you're killing, they are human beings just like Seok-jin and I. They have people that care about them, people that are waiting for them right now to come home. Just because it's not Seok-jin or I doesn't give you any more right to hurt them." As Saet-byul stared at him in a mixture of confusion and guilt, he felt a sudden chill overcome him, and he shivered.  
  
"I'll do whatever I can to free you N," she insisted stubbornly. "If I free you, you'll come back to me, and you'll be able to love me-"  
  
He cut her off with a sharp laugh, the sound high and piercing. "Yoon Saet-byul, how many times do I have to tell you for you to finally understand? I will care for you, watch over you-- but that is all I will do. I do love you, but I will  _never_ love you the way you want."  
  
"Why not?" she screamed, backing up again and jumping when she hit the wall. "Once you're not a doll anymore, you can love me! You said it yourself, you couldn't kiss me because you were a doll and dolls can't kiss their owners. But if I free you-"  
  
"Saet-byul! I told you, your mother's not here anymore! I am not under any obligation to take care of you-"  
  
"You're  _my_ doll!" she screamed, her whole body shaking with rage as her once teary eyes were filled with anger. "You're mine mine  _mine!_ My mother never owned you, you're my doll and mine alone!" He blinked, stunned speechless at the words that were flowing so easily out of his Byullie's mouth. He knew she had always been possessive of him, but he had always thought it was just because he had been her first everything, and had hoped she would eventually grow out of it.  
  
He had desperately hoped she would grow out of it.  
  
He didn't think...he  _never_ thought it would grow to be such an obsession.  
  
"Saet-byul..."  
  
She slapped her hands over her mouth in shock, eyes wide in regret. "I-I'm so sorry N, I didn't mean to yell at you...I-I just-- I just..."  
  
"Saet-byul," he said softly, determinedly, "I love you and care for you, but I'm going to say this now, so you will never misunderstand or be confused again." She had always misunderstood, was always so confused because he was always so hesitant to be strict with her. He had pitied her, the tiny girl that was beaten and raised by her crazy mother, the girl who had never interacted with another human being until him. He had always been too indulgent with her, and he had allowed her to become this.  
  
"You are not your mother, you are Yoon Saet-byul and are a good girl. You don't have to use dolls, you don't have to do anything with them. That being said, I am not yours. I am another human being, an independent human being. Human beings aren't owned. I do love you and care for you like a sister, but I don't love you romantically. I never will.  
  
"I will always be there for you if you need help. One day, you'll find a nice boy who will love you the way you want. He will hug and kiss you, will hold you and love you in a way I can't. This boy, you'll learn to love him with all your heart. If you break up with him, I will be there for you to cry on, to comfort and support you. This, I will always be there for you." She was completely still, staring at him as her nails dug into her skin. He swallowed as he slowly walked up to her, gently putting his hands on hers and prying them away. Her head jerked up to stare at him, her face expressionless.  
  
"Yoon Saet-byul, one day you will find your happiness. I can never bring that for you, no matter if you manage to free me or not." He tenderly pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, and her eyes jerkily followed his movements. "My little Byullie, I believe in you."  
  
It was silent for a long time, her completely still and him holding onto her and waiting desperately for her to say something. He hoped he had gotten through to her, that the words that were long overdue would finally make sense for her. Then, suddenly, her hands shook, started to move-  
  
He yelped when her hands grabbed his own in a vice-like grip, her fingers nearly crushing his as her eyes stared at him in a way that terrifyingly reminded him of her mother. "I did not do all of this just to find someone else. I didn't kill Joon-myeon oppa just so I could find another man and forget about you. I didn't change Jae—  _Ken_  just so you could leave.  _No._ " Her hands clenched even tighter, and he tried to pull away.  
  
"Saet-byul-- that hurts-"  
  
"You are  _mine_ N. When I free you, you'll understand. You'll love me once that happens. The doll is stopping you, but once that's gone you will."  
  
"Saet-byul, let  _go of me,"_ he roared, finally wrenching his hands away, gasping in disbelief. As he watched her slowly stand up, her chest heaving as she glared at him, he could only see her mother in her. He felt a chill run down his spine, his body trembling at the mere thought of that woman and what she had done to him.  
  
"You are mine," she said haltingly, her eyes never leaving him. "You will always be mine."  
  
"I am not yours," he said back, his voice barely above a whisper, his insides crying at the thought that the Saet-byul he knew was disappearing. "I am not yours, and never will be."  
  
Her eyes widened at those words, her lips pulling back in a snarl. "I will kill every last doll I have if it means I can free you. I will not let you leave me,  _ever._  Those dolls that took you away, I will kill every one of them for taking you from me." He started to back away, glancing at the door behind him. He thought of the others back at the shop, waiting for him to come back. He thought of Taek-woon and Hong-bin waiting at home for him, every single one of them oblivious and waiting. Saet-byul moved over to a chest that had been sitting by the table, opening it and grabbing a doll.  
  
"I will kill everyone that kept you away from me." She winced, a hand going to her head again, and despite how scared he was he felt a twinge of worry shoot through him. "I will bring you back. I won't let anyone ever take you from me again." She grabbed a knife that had been sitting on table and stabbed it through the doll, grinning widely at his horrified expression.  
  
He didn't wait as he turned and ran straight out the door, hoping to reach the shop and save whoever it was that she had stabbed. He had to do something, had to save them. He had made a terrible mistake, had possibly just written their death sentence with this one visit.  
  
The last thing he heard before the door slammed behind him was Saet-byul's screams ringing loudly.  
  
\--  
  
He was gone.  
  
He was really, truly gone.  
  
Her beautiful N that she would live and die for had left her. He had pushed her away, told her to  _find someone else,_  that no matter what she did, he would never love her. She had always believed he would come back, that it was only the doll keeping him away. His love for her was real, just like hers was; he had willingly held and slept with her back then, the smiles he sent her genuine and the way he held her hand special. She couldn't...she couldn't have been the only one that felt that way. N had to have loved her. He had even looked sad when he said he couldn't kiss her because of the doll.  
  
He had loved her.  
  
But then he pushed her away.  
  
 _"I will_  never  _love you the way you want."_  
  
 _"I do love you and care for you like a sister, but I don't love you romantically."_  
  
 _"I am not yours, and never will be."_  
  
 _"You have no right to touch him; he's not yours, nor will he ever be."_  
  
She felt overwhelming pain and betrayal crushing her, grasping her head as she crumpled to the floor. He was supposed to take care of her, had  _promised_  he would take care of her. How was this taking care of her? How was breaking her heart taking care of her? How was leaving her taking care of her? She sobbed, looking down at the doll with the knife still embedded in its neck.  
  
She knew, she knew he would hate her. She was just like her mother, just like her. She stabbed and killed dolls, made dolls, she tortured them, tortured  _Baek-hyun--_  Baek-hyun had made her so happy. She shivered in disgust at herself. The sounds of Baek-hyun's screams had filled her with delight, made her so excited and shake with thrill, it was disgusting. She was just like her mother, and N saw that. He saw her and could only see her mother, it was no wonder he ran away.  
  
 _'They're confusing him.'_  
  
 _'They're keeping him away from you.'_  
  
She clasped her hands over her ears, their voices louder than ever. They had been getting louder and louder, nearly screaming in her head when N was trying to talk to her.  
  
 _'They're brainwashing him!'_  
  
 _'They keep telling him how dangerous you are!'_  
  
 _'You have to get rid of them.'_  
  
 _'Get rid of them and free him from their hold.'_  
  
 _'Tainting, tainting him!'_  
  
The voices had screamed through her to kill everyone that kept N away from her, that they were convincing N to stay away from her. N wouldn't have avoided her on his own, he loved her and would have come back right away. It was the others-- they were keeping him away.  
  
 _'Kill them all!'_  
  
 _'Kill them for taking him away!'_  
  
 _'Kill kill_   _kill_   _kill_   _kill_   _kill!'_  
  
She didn't want to kill, it would only make N run away farther. N couldn't stomach death, couldn't stand the blood that coated her hands. But if she didn't kill, they would take him farther and farther away until she would never be able to find him again. If that happened, what could she do? She grabbed clumps of her hair, pulling and twisting and wishing it would hurt.  
  
 _'Take them away!'_  
  
 _'Kill them all and bring him back!'_  
  
 _'Once you kill them all, he will come back to you.'_  
  
 _'He will realize he loves you.'_  
  
 _'He will.'_  
  
 _'Kill them!'_  
  
 _'Kill kill_   _kill_ _!'_  
  
Yes...if she killed them, took them all away, no one would be able to confuse N anymore. He would realize she wasn't dangerous, would realize he  _can_  and  _will_  love her. She stood up, robotically ripping the knife out of the doll on the floor. He would see that she only wants his love, that once he loves her again, she will throw all the dolls away and never look at them again. They would run away, live together happily and blissfully, together forever.  
  
 _'Don't do it Saet-byul. This won't bring him back!'_  
  
She pushed back the one voice that always stopped her, but today it was louder than normal. Even the other voices couldn't yell over it.  
  
 _'Stay away from him!'_  
  
 _'He will hate you forever if you do this!'_  
  
No he won't. He will love her.  
  
 _'Yes he will.'_  
  
 _'Of course he will love you.'_  
  
She will make sure of it.  
  
She just had to get rid of everyone else first.


	31. Chapter 31 {interlude}

_He was dead. He had been dead for years, though how many he wasn't sure anymore. After the first few days, time just seemed to morph into one long continuous stream. The only thing he could see and hear was her, Saet-byul-- privy to all of her thoughts and feelings and wishes. He had been confused and disorientated at first, unable to remember who he was or where or why he was here. He had panicked at first, was terrified when he didn't have a body and was unable to remember anything._  
  
_But it slowly came back, each memory appearing in a fuzzy haze before eventually coming back in jarring clarity. He remembered his brother, the anger and frustration he felt when his brother would follow him around. He remembered walking into the house, of being turned into a doll and shoved into the basement. He remembered waking up to see a wide-eyed, confused boy who would turn into his most trusted confident, of watching the others trapped with him be tortured in front of him._  
  
_He remembered being brought up to meet Saet-byul, to play with and entertain her, and he remembered coming up to see his brother standing next to her, a doll himself all because he tried to save him. He remembered the guilt he felt when he saw his brother, the guilt when he found out his brother's fate as Saet-byul's personal slave. He remembered wanting to do anything to save him, remembered how he agreed to use his doll as a test to see if they could really run away. He remembered his brother's crying face as he held his hand, his hands so warm and reassuring, and he remembered how he actually wasn't afraid as he watched his doll and life be slowly pricked away. He couldn't be afraid when his brother was there with him, smiling through his tears and doing his best to be strong for him._  
  
_His brother's smile was the last thing he remembered before waking up like this, and that smile was what eventually brought everything back._  
  
_He wasn't the only one here, there were hundreds of others here with him, all hovering over Saet-byul and watching her with anticipation and malevolence. They all followed her around, reaching out to try and grab her yet were unable to, as if there was something preventing them. Most didn't even seem to notice him, their eyes never tearing away from Saet-byul, but some of the others would speak to him._  
  
_'Your memories are clear because you are new. The longer you're here the less and less important those memories become, until there is nothing left worth remembering.' He looked over to the dolls around Saet-byul, saw that there was nothing about them except malice and hatred. He thought back to his brother's smile and was filled with warmth, and one of the others smiled._  
  
_'Keep that memory. It will help you survive_   _here.'_  
  
_As the time he expected to be years passed by, he slowly learned from the others about what he was and where they were. Dolls, they had all been dolls at one point, dolls that the women in this family had tortured and killed. Once a doll died, they came here, unable to pass on or do anything other than just 'exist'. The others could only do so much with him, he had been killed by Saet-byul herself, the first one. The others had been killed by her mother, grandmother, and so on. But who was killed by who didn't matter much in the end. They only had one purpose now._  
  
_To torture and push Saet-byul to kill more._  
  
_He didn't and couldn't understand why they, as previous dolls, would want them to hurt others, to do the same thing to other people. He could never imagine why, and dreaded the day Saet-byul would cave and start to do the same thing her mother did. The others scoffed at him, told him he would understand one day. As the memories disappeared, so did the humanity that lingered with them. Soon watching and feeling the pain of others would be what gave them purpose._  
  
_Soon he would join in and push her to kill._  
  
_It was here that he was able to feel the intensity and passion behind how much Saet-byul loved Hak-yeon, could feel it radiating in every pore of her body and occupying her every thought. It was ironic, when he had been alive he had been so worried about Hak-yeon turning into a vegetable that only lived for Saet-byul. Yet here they were, Hak-yeon wanting nothing to do with her and Saet-byul hanging onto every little thing she could find to stay with him._  
  
_The others used his brother as leverage, nearly pounced on the chance when Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol took him and Bin away. It was like a frenzy, everyone digging at her and shouting over each other, howling when she tried to block them out. They were elated when she threw the dolls out, were practically foaming when she tore that one doll to pieces. In no time at all, Se-hun appeared next to him, confused and disorientated._  
  
_With each doll she killed, they grew stronger, and while he tried his best to stay away, even he could feel it. He felt fuller, stronger, bigger-- as she started to wither away and crumble, they only pushed harder, their clutches tightening around her. They fed on her confusion, her fear, her love for Hak-yeon, and through it all he tried his best to stop her. He honestly felt nothing for her, didn't really care if she was in pain or suffering. He only worried about his brother, and as he watched her slowly fall deeper and deeper into the insanity they were creating, he feared Hak-yeon wasn't safe._  
  
_The others hated when he would try and stop her, would do their best to scream over him and block her ears from his calls._  
  
_She heard him occasionally, would stop when he told her to, but as she grew worse she started to ignore him too._  
  
_He spent his eternity like that, watching and listening in a state of listlessness as he watched her try and take dolls apart. Some part of him wondered why watching her do that caused him discomfort, though he wasn't sure. His memory was starting to fade at points. He watched until one day someone burst through the door, and it took him a good while to realize that the one pleading and hugging her was his brother._  
  
_As they argued, he moved to stare at his brother, his eyes scanning Hak-yeon's every being in bewilderment at how his bright, sunny brother had turned into this sad, resigned shell of himself. His ghostly, nonexistent fingers lingered over Hak-yeon's eyes, trailing down his nose and resting on his bottom lip. Hak-yeon...how had his brother turned into this? Was this because of what he was to Saet-byul? He wrapped himself around his brother, could feel him shiver underneath._  
  
_"You saw Seok-jin die, saw him burn to death right in front of us. Do you know how much it hurts every time I think of my baby brother? That I was the one that said it was okay? Every day I think of how I was the one that allowed that to happen, all because we were trying to figure out how to free me. My brother died because of me."_  
  
_No, that was not true! He tried to hold his brother tighter but only ended up passing through him, feeling himself pulling back towards Saet-byul. His brother shouldn't be holding that kind of guilt, it wasn't his fault. He had pushed Saet-byul to do it, not because he was afraid of using Hak-yeon's doll, but because he wanted to be the one to figure out how to free his brother. To free Hak-yeon from his fate. He had done it for his brother, and while he died, he was thankful his brother was still alive._  
  
_'Hyung,' he tried to call out, but the others were pulling him back, screaming loudly at Saet-byul to kill everyone. Kill everyone that kept Hak-yeon away from her to bring him back. He knew that wouldn't work, Hak-yeon hated death. He would hate her, abhor her. The others smothered him, tore away at him to keep him quiet, and he felt little by little his everything being torn away._  
  
_'Kill them all!' They screamed, cackling when she screamed that very thing back to Hak-yeon, holding him even harder when he struggled._  
  
_'They're keeping him away, all those mindless dolls.'_  
  
_'If you get rid of them, he'll come back.'_  
  
_He could barely see his brother run away, the others overwhelming him. Saet-byul collapsed to the floor, crying, her desperation and heartbreak at Hak-yeon running away emanating in waves. They latched onto that, goading her and pushing her._  
  
_'That Jung Taek-woon, he has been keeping your N away.'_  
  
_'Get rid of him first, destroy him so he can't keep him away again.'_  
  
_'And that Hong-bin-'_  
  
_'Tear him to pieces!'_  
  
_'How dare he even think of stealing your N's precious love!'_  
  
_'Kill them all!'_  
  
_No! Not Bin! He managed to claw his way out, reaching out to Saet-byul, desperate to be heard._  
  
_'Don't do it Saet-byul. This won't bring him back!'_  
  
_'Stay away from him!'_  
  
_'He will hate you forever if you do this!'_  
  
_The others growled as they ripped into him, tearing him apart and destroying him. He cried out, feeling his memories being ripped away, yet he couldn't look away from Saet-byul, trying his best to stop her. He watched her grab the knife and head into the room where she kept the two dolls she made. Their claws dug deeper, ripped out the memories of his mother, of his happy childhood until there was nothing left. He could only hear screams, howls to kill, to tear apart, to stop, to leave him alone, to save him. Through the hands that tore at him, he could see Joon-myeon trying to grab him, and he wrenched away from his hands._  
  
_They grabbed at the last part of him, the image of his brother's smile, of Hak-yeon holding his hand and promising that everything will be alright. They tugged, ready to tear it to pieces, to turn him into one of them. Their hollow, empty eyes glared gleefully down at him, crushing it spitefully before yanking it right out, destroying the last bit of his past self that he had held onto so dearly._  
  
_And with that, the last bit of sanity Saet-byul had managed to hold onto disappeared along with him._


	32. Chapter 32

Bin didn't like seeing Taek-woon sad. He knew Taek-woon missed Hak-yeon a lot, he was always glancing at the door and looking out the window. Hak-yeon had asked Bin to take care of Taek-woon, to keep him happy until he came back. Bin had promised, had promised Hak-yeon he would, but it was very hard. No matter how much he pulled on Taek-woon's arm to go do something, Taek-woon would just shake his head with a small smile, patting his head and telling him they'll do it later. Instead, Taek-woon took extra, super good care of Bin, and even though Bin promised Hak-yeon he would take care of him, he felt so happy and didn't try to stop him.  
  
Taek-woon would feed him so much food, and now that Hak-yeon wasn't here, would take the time to feed him. Bin was so sad at first when he sat at the table and Hak-yeon wasn't with him, missed Hak-yeon's kisses and hugs. He missed Hak-yeon so, so much. He hated that Hak-yeon had gone back to Saet-byul, was so scared that she would keep him and he would never come back. But Taek-woon wouldn't let him think about it long, sat next to him in Hak-yeon's spot and helped him eat dinner. There was a lot of food; Bin wasn't used to eating so much and his stomach didn't feel good later, but he liked the feeling of Taek-woon's hand on his back and the smile he gave him.  
  
He liked it a lot.  
  
He couldn't hide how excited Bin was when Taek-woon said it was time for his bath, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he watched the tub fill with water. He climbed into the water, noticing the amused smile on Taek-woon's face when he tugged on the sleeve of Bin's shirt. "You'll be comfortable to take your shirt off in front of me one day, won't you Hong-bin?" he asked, and Bin immediately scooted away, the happy feeling gone. Bin instinctively tried to hide his arms, his fingers reaching under his shirt to feel the bumpy scars that lined his stomach. Taek-woon's whole face fell at Bin's reaction, pulling his hand back.  
  
"I'm sorry Hong-bin, I didn't mean to upset you."  
  
Bin was sorry when he saw how sad Taek-woon was, wanting to tell him that he wasn't upset, but he didn't know the words to say it. Hak-yeon always understood what Bin wanted to say, but Taek-woon couldn't understand. He wanted to tell him that Bin was just scared of Taek-woon seeing, that he wouldn't be so nice if he saw. Taek-woon never saw the dolls, never saw the things he and Hak-yeon did. He didn't want to make Taek-woon dirty like Bin. Taek-woon was so pretty and pure, if he saw what Bin was really like—how could he say this?  
  
Bin couldn't say it, didn't know how, and Taek-woon couldn't understand.  
  
He was so unhappy as Taek-woon silently put the soap in his hair, looking up and staring at Taek-woon's sad face. He had promised Hak-yeon that he would keep Taek-woon happy, but all he had done was make Taek-woon sad. He panicked, wondering what he could do to make him happy. He knew what always made Bin happy, maybe-  
  
"Are you alright? What's wrong Hong-bin?" He jumped when Taek-woon brushed his cheek, and Bin realized that he had been shaking.  
  
"Taek-woon hyung," he said loudly, trying to sound just like Taek-woon always did, so confident, "take a bath with me."  
  
Taek-woon didn't move for the longest time, staring at him with wide eyes and his mouth open. Bin started to worry, wondering if he said something wrong that would only make Taek-woon sadder. He was just about to apologize when Taek-woon cleared his throat, his hands holding the edge of the tub. "H-Hong-bin...I don't think-"  
  
"You can take a bath with me." He pat the water next to him, inviting him in. Taek-woon always bathed him, but Hak-yeon was the only one allowed to sit in the bathtub with Bin, was the only one who could hold him in the bath. That was Bin's happiest time, but he was willing to give it to Taek-woon this once.  
  
Taek-woon looked embarrassed. "I...I'm not sure...Hak-yeon-"  
  
"Don't worry," he reassured, lowering his voice to a whisper, "I won't tell Hak-yeon hyung. Bin can keep a secret." Taek-woon chuckled, smiling tenderly as he reached over and ruffled Bin's soapy hair.  
  
"Alright Hong-binnie," he said, his voice soft like the way he spoke with Hak-yeon. "Make sure you don't tell Hak-yeon. I'm sure he'll be very upset if he found out."  
  
"I won't tell," he said again, moving over when Taek-woon stood up, keeping his clothes on as he stepped into the water. He hissed as he slowly sat down, tugging at his wet sleeves.  
  
"I should have gotten some dry clothes first." He sighed, splashing the water a little bit before looking back at Bin, smiling again. "Come over here, let me finish washing your hair." Bin excitedly scooted closer, leaning forward so Taek-woon could work his hands through his hair. It felt so nice, so new to have Taek-woon sitting in the bath with him. He was so happy, and when he looked up to see Taek-woon still smiling, he felt even better that he managed to make him happy too.  
  
He blinked when Taek-woon's hands pulled away, and he hurriedly looked up to see Taek-woon moving to start washing his own hair. "Taek-woon hyung!" he called out, grabbing his hands and yanking the soap bottle away.  
  
"Hong-bin, what-"  
  
"Bin wants to. Let Bin." He copied how Taek-woon always went about to clean Bin's hair, popping the top off and dumping a bunch of it in his hands. Taek-woon, smiling widely now, guided him on how much to use, taking the bottle back and putting it to the side. Bin, cradling the soap so carefully so he didn't spill any, leaned forward and plopped all of it on Taek-woon's head. He wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to do, so he tried to do what Taek-woon would do, scratching his fingers on his head and twisting his hair round and round.  
  
Taek-woon laughed, startling Bin—Taek-woon never laughed. He paused to see Taek-woon watching him through his soapy hair, Taek-woon's lips pulled out in a wide smile. "Like this Binnie." And Taek-woon put his hands in Bin's hair, showing him what to do, and Bin followed diligently. Taek-woon laughed the whole time, and Bin decided he liked Taek-woon's laugh.  
  
After the bath, Taek-woon took Bin to his room, letting him sleep with him tonight since Hak-yeon wasn't here. By then Bin was very, very worried; he didn't know why Hak-yeon hadn't come back yet. He said he was only going to talk to Saet-byul, that he was only going to be gone for a little bit. He was supposed to be back by now.  
  
Taek-woon was just as worried, but he was better than Bin at hiding it, looking unfazed as he helped Bin change into his pajamas. "Hak-yeon hyung will come back soon, right Taek-woon hyung?"  
  
"Of course," Taek-woon replied immediately, his voice hitching, and Bin was reminded of when Taek-woon was crying back when they came home. He had never seen or heard Taek-woon cry before, and he didn't like it. "Hak-yeon probably went to see the others first. You know he doesn't break promises."  
  
"Of course not," Bin said hurriedly, knowing Hak-yeon was amazing and would never break his promise. When he was fully dressed, he quickly crawled under the covers, waiting for Taek-woon to climb in bed with him. Bin immediately pushed himself into Taek-woon's arms and heard the sound of Taek-woon chuckling in his ear, and Bin looked up at him to see the outline of his face shining from the moonlight. Without thinking, he shifted forward and placed his lips quickly against Taek-woon's, just like he did to Hak-yeon earlier. Taek-woon stiffened immediately, just like Hak-yeon did, and Bin squeezed his eyes shut excitedly as he buried his face in Taek-woon's chest.  
  
Hak-yeon didn't think Bin understood, but Bin wasn't stupid. Bin knew. Bin could do it too, could kiss lips too. He fell asleep happily, never realizing how Taek-woon only continued to stare at him the rest of the night.  
  
  
The next day started so well, Taek-woon woke him up gently, helping him up and feeding him breakfast. He really liked Taek-woon's breakfast, even though Taek-woon fed him so much that he felt his stomach was about to burst. Taek-woon talked about having class, but told Bin he didn't need to go today, that he would spend the day with him. Bin was so excited, he never really knew what Taek-woon's classes were, or why he had to go all the time, so he was happy Taek-woon decided to stay with him.  
  
"You know, someone came over while you gone," Taek-woon said as they sat on the couch together, Bin in his lap. It was different, his body so used to sitting in Hak-yeon's lap and having Hak-yeon's arms around him with Hak-yeon's lips kissing his head. But Taek-woon was good too, even though Taek-woon didn't kiss him. He fidgeted, the idea of someone else in Taek-woon's apartment making his skin run cold. "He was looking for you."  
  
"M-me?" he asked, eyes wide as his breath caught in his throat. H-him, who could be looking for Bin?  _She_  was locked away, Hak-yeon  _said,_ how could anyone be looking for  _him_?  
  
"You remember Jae-hwan and Won-shik don't you?" Instant relief washed over him at Jae-hwan's name, remembering the really nice Jae-hwan and his friend. Jae-hwan was nice, he taught Bin games to play with Hak-yeon and would make faces that made Bin laugh. He would make Bin forget about the basement and about  _her,_  would let Bin play without being scared. He liked Jae-hwan.  
  
He looked up, smiling excitedly. "Jae-hwan hyung was looking for Bin?"  
  
"Won-shik was. But I'm sure Jae-hwan was the one who asked." Taek-woon ruffled Bin's hair, and Bin scrunched his eyes up happily. "I told him I would call him if you came back, but I won't if it makes you uncomfortable." He paused for a few seconds, his eyes watching Hong-bin carefully. "Would you like me to call him?"  
  
Bin hesitated, suddenly nervous about them coming here, nervous that they would be loud and touchy and would feel how dirty Bin was. They would feel his scars and marks, would strip him down like  _she_  did and see how bad he was. It was why Hak-yeon always insisted on wearing clothes that covered everything, so no one could see. But if they touched Bin, they would find out. He didn't—  _couldn't_  see them, not without Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon—  _he needed Hak-yeon._  
  
Before Bin had a chance to even cry that he couldn’t, Taek-woon shot out of his seat, running hurriedly to his room. Bin, already worked up because of his question to call Jae-hwan, followed after, his body shaking as his arms wrapped protectively around himself. “T-Taek-woon hyung?” he asked as he peeked into Taek-woon’s room to see the other holding his cellphone, quickly punching in numbers. Bin tentatively put his hands on the door frame, Taek-woon’s anxiety only working to scare him more. “A-are you o-okay?”  
  
Taek-woon seemed to finally notice him when he brought the phone to his ear, sending him a flustered smile. “I’m sorry for scaring you, Hong-bin. I-I’m just calling to ask Hak-yeon if he’s alright.” They both waited for Hak-yeon to pick up, Taek-woon cursing to himself when no one answered. He tried again, and Bin shivered when he saw how scared his hyung was getting.  
  
“T-Taek-woon hyung-”  
  
“Hak-yeon,” Taek-woon nearly shouted, “please call me back as soon as possible. I-there’s something I need to tell you. Please call back.”  
  
Hong-bin scrambled to Taek-woon’s side the moment he finished the call, jumping on him and holding him tight, shaking terribly. “W-wh-what’s w-wrong Taek-woon h-hyung?” he stammered, his mind racing as he tried to figure out what could have scared Taek-woon so badly that he would have to run to call Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon—he couldn’t be in trouble, Hak-yeon couldn’t be in trouble, he was only going to check on Saet-byul. He promised he was going to come right back. He didn’t break promises. There was no reason Taek-woon was so scared, Taek-woon was never scared.  
  
“I’m sorry Hong-bin,” Taek-woon whispered softly, running a hand through Bin’s hair. That usually made Bin so happy, reminded him of Hak-yeon, but he couldn’t think of that. He was so worried about Hak-yeon, about why Hak-yeon wasn’t home, why Hak-yeon hadn’t come back yet— “I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
  
Taek-woon gathered Bin in his arms as he led him back to the other room, his hands holding him tight to try and stop him from shaking. Bin wanted to stop, to show Taek-woon he was strong, but he couldn't— not when all the reasons for why Hak-yeon wasn't home yet were running through his mind. Hak-yeon, he didn't break promises. He  _didn't._ He said he would be back, he'll be back, he wouldn't break his promise, would come back to Bin— “H-Hak-yeon hyung…did something happen to him?”  
  
“No-”  
  
Before Taek-woon could answer there was a loud, sharp knock that echoed from the front door, and Bin's eyes snapped open as he scrambled out of Taek-woon's arms and onto the floor. He gasped, frantically looking for Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon would always take him away, hide somewhere safe where no one would be able to find him. Would shower him with kisses and caresses to keep him far from the basement and his terrifying memories. But, he remembered in horror, Hak-yeon wasn't here. Was still gone. Was still missing. He crawled away, too scared and alone to figure out how to stand up, grasping onto the table to try and help him move faster, to get away. The knocking came again, louder this time, and he started crying, crying out for Hak-yeon to save him and take him away and hide-  
  
"Hong-bin!" He screamed when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, and he tried his hardest to rip them off. He had to get away; if he's caught, she'll punish everyone. Bin had been so bad, she'll definitely punish everyone and make him watch.  _He didn't want to watch!_  
  
 _"Hong-bin!"_  the voice cried again, crushing him tightly and showering him with kisses. He shrieked, kicking wildly. Only Hak-yeon kissed, this wasn't Hak-yeon! He kept kissing Bin's head, holding him so tight so Bin couldn't run away. "Hong-bin, calm down! It's me, Taek-woon! It's okay, you're okay!"  
  
 _Taek-woon?_  
  
He stopped kicking, still breathing heavily as he tried to understand what was going on. Taek-woon, Taek-woon's arms were around him, Taek-woon was kissing him; he was so confused. And then the knocking came again, so loud and terrifying. He started crying again, grasping onto Taek-woon's hands over his stomach desperately.  
  
"T-T-Taek-woon h-hyung," he stammered, gasping, "w-where...she's going to come for me. S-she's...she knows I've been b-bad. She-" He could see  _her_  standing over him, grinning evilly as she held a doll up for him to see, waving it mockingly.  _She_  mouthed his name, reaching for him.  
  
"No one's coming for you. I have you, I promise. No one will touch you when I'm here." Taek-woon kissed him again, and even though his body screamed that it wasn't right, Bin liked it. Slowly, he felt himself calm down, suddenly tired as he fell back into Taek-woon's arms. Taek-woon sighed softly, resting his head on Bin's shoulder. "I promise no will hurt you. No one will hurt you again." Bin trembled at the sound of Taek-woon's whisper in his ear.  
  
There was another knock on the door, and Taek-woon sighed. "Hong-bin, someone is knocking on the door, I have to answer." Bin's grip tightened, whimpering again. "Do you want to wait in the bedroom? I can take you there."  
  
"N-no," he mewed, so tired and scared he couldn't shout. He couldn't be alone right now, was scared that  _she_  would be waiting for him if he was. He clung onto Taek-woon. "S-stay, stay with Taek-woon hyung."  
  
Taek-woon frowned but didn't argue, nodding his head. "Then sit here on the couch. I'll try to get them to leave quickly." Bin nodded, letting Taek-woon lead him to the couch and reluctantly let go of his hand, and watched him carefully as he headed to the door. Bin kept his head down, peeking over the couch to watch, and stiffened when he heard Saet-byul's voice on the other side.  
  
"Saet-byul?" Taek-woon asked confusedly, opening the door a little wider in surprise. Bin immediately ducked down so she wouldn't see him, his body trembling as he wondered worryingly why she was here. Was Hak-yeon with her? He had to be, he went to see her. He had to be here. He slowly peeked over the top of the couch to check, and froze when Saet-byul looked straight at Bin, smiling.  
  
"Hello Hong-bin."  
  
With those two words, the whole world melted away except for her and Bin, those two words so cold and terrifying and the only thing ringing in his head. Saet-byul, she wasn't Saet-byul anymore. Her eyes, those were  _her_ eyes. He stopped breathing, gasping. She...she-she must have hurt Hak-yeon! Her smile, her eyes, everything was different,  _evil,_ just like  _her._ S-she...she...this was dangerous. So very dangerous.   
  
 _"You've been very bad Bin. Watch and see what you did."_  
  
 _"This is all your fault! If you had just been good like I told you, they wouldn't have been punished!"_  
  
 _"Why are you so bad?"_  
  
"Don't talk to him," Taek-woon reprimanded softly, Bin shaking terribly as Saet-byul quickly hid her smile behind a sad frown. Taek-woon didn't see, but Bin did. Bin saw everything and was so scared. Taek-woon, he-- he didn't know, he didn't  _know--_ but Bin was too scared, too scared that he was going to do something wrong. He didn't want the others to get hurt because he was bad. H-he—he had to—but Taek-woon- "He's having a hard enough time with just you here."  
  
"Sorry," she said, but all Bin could hear was  _her_ voice, the sound ringing loudly in his ears. She tried to step inside but Taek-woon blocked her, his arm still outstretched with a hand on the door. "Taek-woon oppa?"  
  
"Saet-byul," he said slowly, quietly; Bin almost couldn't hear, "have you seen Jae-hwan recently?" Bin peeked up again at Jae-hwan's name, saw how her eyes widened before she swallowed heavily. Her smile was forced.  
  
"No I haven't. Did he say he's seen me?"  _She's seen him! She's seen!_ Bin wanted to scream it out when Taek-woon only shook his head, but he couldn't. Not when Saet-byul looked over at him and sent him a smile.  _Her_ smile.  
  
"No. I was just wondering."  
  
She let out a sigh of relief, fidgeting slightly. "I thought you were interrogating me for a second. Can I come in?" She side-stepped around him before Taek-woon had a chance to say no, coming right over next to Bin and sitting across from him. Her eyes never left Bin, not even when Taek-woon exasperatedly called her name and followed her over. Bin shook frightfully under her steady gaze, and even when Taek-woon pulled him into a hug he didn't feel any better. She was dead, her eyes were so  _dead_ ; Bin buried his face into Taek-woon's chest.  
  
 _He was so scared._  
  
Taek-woon's hand came up to cup over Bin's head, and Bin's fingers hurriedly latched onto the front of his shirt.  
  
 _Taek-woon didn't know, he didn't know what was going to happen._ B-but Bin did. Bin would protect Taek-woon.   
  
He forced himself to look back at her, meeting her gaze.  
  
"Where is Hak-yeon?" Taek-woon asked, looking back to the door hopefully. "He went to see you yesterday."  
  
"He didn't come back already?" she asked sadly, though Bin could tell she was smiling inside. He didn't know, Bin didn't know when she changed. Saet-byul had always been something he didn't understand, always wanting Hak-yeon and saying things that scared him, but never doing anything to hurt anyone. She never touched the dolls, only carried around Hak-yeon's. It confused him. But something happened, she wasn't like before. Something changed. "He must have gone to see the others. He talked about them before he left."  
  
Taek-woon frowned, his hands around Bin's waist tightening, as if he was starting to see something was different with her. "How did your talk go? It sounded urgent."  
  
Her lips pursed, her fingers flexing. "It went fine. I've been having a hard time recently, so he came to see me. I felt like I should go out for a bit, so I came to see you." She smiled again, and Bin wanted to cry.  
  
"It's...odd that you've come to see me. Why didn't you go to Sang-hyuk?" For a second she wasn't so scary, almost looking sad, but it was gone so fast that Bin didn't think it really happened.  
  
She didn’t answer, instead glancing around before looking back to Taek-woon. "Taek-woon oppa, could I have something to drink? We always drank coffee when we met, it's strange not to be drinking anything."  
  
Taek-woon hesitated, glancing down at Bin who hurriedly shook his head.  _Don't go,_  Bin thought pleadingly,  _don't leave him alone here_. But Taek-woon just nodded silently, rustling Bin's hair before gently pushing him off his lap, leaving him alone. He immediately pulled himself into a little ball, cold and alone, Saet-byul's eyes boring into him. He refused to look at her, his eyes locked on his fingers pressed around his knees. He thought he could hear her laughing, a small evil laugh, but he wasn't sure.  
  
He listened carefully for Taek-woon, heard him grabbing glasses and filling them with water. He waited until Taek-woon placed three clear glasses of water on the table before latching onto him again, scooting a little farther away from Saet-byul. Saet-byul didn't notice, grabbing the glass hurriedly and spilling half the water on herself.  
  
 _On purpose!_  Bin wanted to scream.  _She did it on purpose!_  But he couldn't, was too afraid, instead crying when Taek-woon got up again to get her some napkins. The moment Taek-woon left the room, she went straight to her bag and pulled out a small packet. Bin watched her intently, watched her open it and dump it into Taek-woon's glass. She dumped the whole thing, waited for it to settle before using her finger to mix it up.  
  
"You-" Bin could only stutter, frantic as he tried to think whatever that could be that she put into Taek-woon's drink. Would it kill him? What was it? She was going to hurt him! Saet-byul heard his cry, smirking as she stuffed the packet into his pocket.  
  
"Don't even think of saying anything," she said lowly, grinning wickedly. "Or I'll kill both of you."  
  
Bin snapped his mouth closed, his heart beating fiercely in his chest. He was going to be strong, was going to protect Taek-woon. He couldn't say anything, he couldn't do anything to hurt Taek-woon. But his eyes stayed on the glass, knowing she had done something horrible. He could only hope Taek-woon wasn't thirsty.  
  
Taek-woon came back, handed Saet-byul the napkins as he settled back down next to Bin, pulling him back into his lap. But Bin couldn't even be happy about that, his eyes locked on Taek-woon's water. Don't drink, don't drink, don't drink-- don't drink Taek-woon! Saet-byul thanked him for the napkins as she cleaned herself off. "I wanted to apologize," she started, her hands rubbing against the glass she held. "I wasn't very polite when you all were at my apartment, and you had to see Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol like that."  
  
"Are they always like that to you?" Taek-woon asked, a hint of concern in his voice.  
  
"Everyone is. Everyone thinks I'm going to turn everyone into dolls and kill everyone." She paused when Taek-woon reached out to take a drink. Bin watched horrified as he took a sip, shaking and biting his tongue. He wanted to slap the cup out of his hand, tell him how she did something to it and it was going to hurt him. He watched him drink, started crying even when Taek-woon looked down at him in concern. Saet-byul continued, her voice filled with excitement. "But it doesn't matter anymore. I've given up fighting. If everyone thinks that way, I'll give it to them...starting with you first."  
  
Taek-woon stiffened at that, confusion and fear in his eyes, and Bin couldn't take it anymore. "Your drink hyung! She-- Saet-byul-- she put something in your water!" Bin ripped the glass out of his hands and threw it to the ground, but Taek-woon didn't even flinch, his eyes unfocused and cloudy.  
  
"Saet-byul..." he mumbled, swaying, and Bin panicked as he tried to hold him still. "You...wasn't...wasn't keeping him from you..."  
  
"Yes you were," she hissed, no longer trying to appear nice. "You all were. You all thought I was too dangerous for him and wouldn't let him come back to me. But if I get rid of you all, then he'll come back." Taek-woon grunted, trying to say something, struggling but unable to form words. "I'll make you all pay for keeping him from me. For making him scared of me."  
  
"No...I..." Taek-woon couldn't hold on any longer, his eyes fluttering closed as he fell into Bin's arms, his head hanging limply on Bin's shoulder.  
  
Bin screamed, clutching Taek-woon's limp body close to his chest, his mind racing as he tried to understand what was happening. "Taek-woon hyung! Hyung!" He looked over at Saet-byul, heaving. "You killed him! You killed hyung!"  
  
She rolled her eyes as she stood up and shoved Bin away, grabbing the back of Taek-woon's shirt and pulling him away. She took out a knife, holding it to Taek-woon's neck, and Bin froze. "He's not dead, but if you make another sound I will kill him right here." Bin swallowed all of his cries, didn't dare to even breathe. He had to protect Taek-woon, he promised Hak-yeon he would take care of him. Even if he already failed really badly, he still had to protect him. She seemed pleased when he didn't move, lowering the knife a little.   
  
"You're going to come with me," she said, her voice loud and confident. She definitely had changed. Something happened. "I'm going to take you back home with me, where you can join everyone else. I'll make sure you are a perfect gift for N when I show him." She put the knife back at Taek-woon's throat, and Bin accidentally let out a whimper.  
  
Bin carried Taek-woon outside, wouldn't let her even lay a finger on his hyung. She didn't mind, walking behind them to make sure he didn't try to run away. She threatened that she had a clean doll in her bag, waiting, and Bin moved even faster. He  _wouldn't._  Bin would  _never_  let her put that  _thing_  anywhere near Taek-woon.  
  
There was a car outside that Saet-byul ordered him to get inside, but before Bin could move the car door opened and Jae-hwan's friend Won-shik jumped out. Bin froze, his hands around Taek-woon tightening in confusion and terror. What...what was Won-shik doing here? Did that mean Jae-hwan was here too? Were they helping her? Were they helping her this whole time? They tricked Bin? To get to Hak-yeon? He stumbled back, starting to cry, until he felt a jab in his back, Saet-byul glaring dangerously.  
  
"Don't even think of running," she hissed, and Bin froze again, so, so confused and terrified.  
  
"What the  _hell_  Saet-byul," Won-shik hissed, glancing worriedly at Bin crying and Taek-woon leaning limply over his shoulder, "did you fucking  _kill_  him?"  
  
"I didn't kill him," she hissed back exasperatedly. "He's just asleep."  
  
"You said you were just going to talk to him-- what the hell is this? Why did you grab Hong-bin?"  
  
"Hong-bin?" The car door opened again and Jae-hwan stepped out, and Bin fell to the ground in tears, reeling. What was going on? Why-- why was Jae-hwan here? Jae-hwan was nice, played with Bin, he couldn't—he couldn't be with Saet-byul! Couldn't! Bin liked him, he couldn't have tricked Bin!  
  
"Hyung," Won-shik spun around, speaking in a soft tone when Jae-hwan stumbled forward, each step shaking and unsure, "you should wait in the car."  
  
"What...what is Hong-bin doing here?" Jae-hwan's voice was quiet, so unlike his happy, loud voice he always used to make Bin laugh. When Jae-hwan took a step toward Bin, Bin scrambled back, clutching Taek-woon to his chest protectively. He wouldn't let them take Taek-woon! He promised Hak-yeon! Jae-hwan looked up at Saet-byul, a hint of anger flashing on his face before it disappeared. "Saet-byul...did you do this to Hong-bin too? To both of them?"  
  
Saet-byul actually softened when she spoke to Jae-hwan, her voice gentler, "Hong-bin was my mother's doll, I didn't do anything to him. But I haven't touched Taek-woon. I'm just bringing them with us."   
  
Jae-hwan's eyes teared as he looked down at Hong-bin, nearly falling to his knees as he crawled closer to Bin. Bin flinched initially but stayed still when Jae-hwan shakily reached over and pat his head. "You were already like this...I'm so sorry Hong-bin that I never noticed." Bin's eyes narrowed as he tried to understand—until he looked closer and saw the large cut on Jae-hwan's forehead, looked in his eyes and saw the pain and suffering underneath. The pain he knew all too well, the pain he'd grown up watching and feeling.   
  
"N-no, Jae-hwan hyung," he cried, his hand crushing Taek-woon as he started to panic, "not you, Jae-hwan hyung!" Jae-hwan immediately flew back at Bin's words, cradling his head as he started to cry, begging for Won-shik to save him. Won-shik was at Jae-hwan's side immediately, soothing him the best he could.   
  
"Don't call his name," Won-shik said quietly, running a hand down Jae-hwan's back, "he can't stand it. Just call him Ken."   
  
"I d-don't understand-"  
  
 _“Get him away from me!”_ Jae-hwan suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs, eyes locked on Hong-bin with fear in his eyes. Won-shik’s eyes narrowed in concern as he tried to shush the other, cupping his face in his hands and asking worriedly what was going on.  
  
“Ken-”  
  
 _“Get him away from me Won-shik! Tell him to get away!”_  
  
“What do you mean…?” Won-shik looked back over to Bin, and Bin watched helplessly as that same fear appeared in Won-shik’s eyes. The older boy was horrified, gathering Jae-hwan in his arms and scrambling back. Saet-byul started shouting something at them but Bin didn't hear her, crying when he saw how the two of them crawled away from Bin, so scared at even the sight of him. He looked up at Saet-byul in loathing, the first time he had ever felt something so strongly, hated with all his being that she had turned Bin's only friends into dolls that would forever be terrified of him. He remembered the day so long ago, when Baek-hyun had tried jumping out the window and Joon-myeon shattered his leg. That fear…now Jae-hwan and Won-shik would be like that towards him forever.  
  
His head spun and his fingers shook.  
  
He... _hated_ Saet-byul.  
  
He had never hated before, the feeling foreign, but as he felt it course through his veins and fill his chest with a tight pain, he knew it was hate. He  _hated_ her.  
  
Saet-byul groaned as she grabbed clumps of her hair and pulled harshly, finally pulling out two dolls from her bag and silencing their voices. Bin instinctively flinched back at the sight of the dolls, tucking Taek-woon's head into his shoulder so he wouldn't see. "I don't have time for this," she muttered, shifting the dolls in her hands. She whispered something into their ears, the tears still shining on their cheeks as they clambered to their feet, Won-shik's arms still wrapped protectively around Jae-hwan.  
  
Won-shik stumbled forward as his hands reached out to grab Taek-woon, and Bin screamed as he slapped his hands away.  _No._ She was  _not_ allowed to touch him. She  _couldn't_ touch Taek-woon. He looked up at Won-shik to see the pain and regret in his eyes, could tell from how his brow furrowed that he didn't want to do this. She was making him, making him even when being this close to Bin hurt and tortured him. He looked behind him to see Jae-hwan crying.  
  
Bin's head was spinning, his hold on Taek-woon's still body being the only thing grounding him.  
  
Won-shik tried grabbing Taek-woon again and Bin panicked as he scrambled to his feet, trying to make as big of a distance between them as possible. He didn't want them to touch Taek-woon, but he also wanted to make sure he was far enough away it wouldn't hurt Won-shik. Saet-byul growled as she angrily forced Won-shik to take Jae-hwan to the car, stepping up herself until she was only inches away from Bin, her hand clasping tightly around Taek-woon's arm.  
  
"If you don't get in, I'll make sure that you're the one who ends up slicing his neck." Her other hand came up to brush Taek-woon's neck, and Hong-bin let out a long wail, trembling. He  _hated_ her, he hated her so much. Hated her more than  _her_ , more than anyone in the world. He hated Saet-byul, but he was so scared. He ended up silently following her, unwillingly compliant as Won-shik came back out to help strap both Bin and Taek-woon down. His eyes were filled with apologies, but he was unable to say anything. His hand lingered over Bin’s, squeezing his fingers before getting back in to drive.  
  
Saet-byul sat in front, turning around to give Bin a bright, bubbly smile, ignoring how everyone else glared at her. “Guess what Hong-binnie?” she asked, though Bin was too afraid to answer. He found Taek-woon’s hand and clutched it tightly, desperately. “We’re going to go back home. You’ll get to see the basement again. Aren’t you excited?”  
  
Bin felt his blood run cold, Taek-woon’s fingers turning purple in his grip.  
  
Then her smile faded slightly, a hint of regret in her eyes as her voice lowered to a soft whisper,  
  
"Are you happy? I've finally become the monster you've always wanted."


	33. Chapter 33

Hak-yeon ran, had never run so much in his life. He had no time to wait for a cab or bus, couldn’t even think about entering a place as crowded and full as the subway. He never gave himself time to rest, ignored how his lungs burned and his legs felt like they would collapse under him at any second.   
  
It was his fault that Saet-byul hurt whoever’s doll that was. He shouldn’t have provoked her, should have realized that saying what he did would only upset her. He was supposed to stop her, had gone to hear her tell him it was someone else, that she hadn’t been the one doing this. He wanted to believe that, even now. He wanted to believe so desperately that she was lying, that his Byullie was innocent. He wanted to; so, so badly. He replayed the image of her stabbing the doll, the knife slicing through so easily, in his mind, his heart racing. That—that couldn’t have been her. She couldn’t have... couldn’t... _but she had_. Right in front of him, stabbed right before his eyes.   
  
He gasped, the cold air rushing through his lungs piercing. He couldn’t—he couldn’t kill another. He couldn’t—he wouldn’t. He’ll save him, whoever it is.   
  
He didn’t wait to try and knock on the door when the small antique shop came back into view, slamming the door open as he went straight for the back door. Immediately, he could hear loud piercing screams from the main room, running in to find everyone hovering over Yixing...the latter with a large, gaping hole in his chest.   
  
Hak-yeon fell to his knees by Yixing’s side, grabbing his cold hand. “Yi-Yixing, c-can you hear me?” he asked, voice hitching when Yixing’s eyes rolled around as if trying to see, eventually landing on him.   
  
“Ha...Ha-Hak-yeon...” he mumbled, his tongue heavy.” She...what...?”  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, this is my fault. I-I made her angry, she-“  
  
Jong-dae howled as he scrambled back, shoving Kyung-soo away as he clutched his head. “She knows now! She knows we’re all here! We’re dead, we’re going to die! She’s going to kill all of us!” He snapped his head up, eyes wild as he scanned over them all staring at him. Yixing spluttered, blood coating his lips as his hand in Hak-yeon’s clenched. “Your fault! It’s your fault! You told her we’re here, now she’ll kill us! She’ll kill all of us!” He jumped to his feet, hyperventilating.   
  
“Have to escape! Run away before she comes! Have to run!” He shot out like a bullet, flailing when Chan-yeol leapt up and caught him around the waist, forcefully pulling him back. “Let go of me! She’ll find me! She’ll kill me-“  
  
“Stop it!” Chan-yeol roared, throwing him down and stomping his foot on Jong-dae’s chest, pinning him down. “It doesn’t matter where you go, she has your doll and can do whatever the fuck she wants with it. You can run as far away as you want, she can still kill you.” Jong-dae squirmed, refusing to listen as he muttered uselessly to himself, his breath hoarse with Chan-yeol’s foot still on his chest.   
  
“Hak-yeon...” Yixing whispered, and everyone looked back to the forgotten, dying man, the pool of blood under him only growing.   
  
“W-we can stitch it up,” Hak-yeon said hurriedly, looking at everyone for help. If they had some thread, they could do a makeshift stitching, patch him up enough until they could get someone to actually look at him. “Don’t worry Yixing, you’ll be fine. I promise.”   
  
“Hak-yeon...you know...t-that without the doll,” Yixing paused, his face so pale and his lips a bloodless red, “it will never heal. Y-you know...”  
  
“I’ll figure something out! I could— I could go and get your doll back. I can still save you!” He whirled around to Kyung-soo who had curled into a ball and was staring at him. “Kyung-soo! Thread—do you have any thread? And a needle?”   
  
Kyung-soo’s eyes raced as if trying to think, his teeth biting hard into his lip. “B-Baek-hyun had s-some... I d-don’t know where-“  
  
“He kept them in the box in his closet!” Chan-yeol offered hurriedly, having now sat back down with Jong-dae pulled tightly into his arms, refusing to let the other move an inch. When Kyung-soo quickly ran off, he shouted after him, “Don’t touch anything else Do Kyung-soo!”   
  
Hak-yeon ripped his shirt over his head and pressed the clothing to Yixing’s chest, trying his best to stop the blood that just kept coming. He didn’t want to focus on the fact that Yixing could no longer hold his hand, his fingers weak and cold. He didn’t want to focus on how his eyes were clouded, staring blankly at the ceiling as his lips moved to try and breathe. He didn’t want to look at that, instead kept repeating his name and waiting for the other to blink at him. As long as he blinked, as long as his chest rose no matter how slight, Hak-yeon knew he was still alive.  
  
Kyung-soo eventually ran back in, a sewing kit in hand. Hak-yeon wasted no time snapping it open and haphazardly throwing things out until he found a needle and thread. He could hear Chan-yeol yell at him, but he wasn’t listening, had Kyung-soo press down on the wound while he readied the needle.   
  
“Okay Yixing, I’m going to start, okay?” he asked as he pulled his shirt away, the fabric soaked red. Yixing didn’t respond, only a small flutter of his eyelids to show he heard. He immediately started to try and sew the wound, Yixing laughing softly.  
  
“I...I don’t feel...anything...”  
  
“T-that’s good,” Hak-yeon tried to laugh with him, though was near hysterics. “T-this would hurt a lot, so it’s good you can’t feel.”   
  
His handiwork was sloppy, the stitches tight and clumsy, but it had slowed the bleeding. Hak-yeon ran his hands down his face, not realizing how they were coated with blood. Yixing’s eyes opened, his gaze so unfocused. “Thank you, Hak-yeon,” he whispered, his voice so soft Hak-yeon had to lean in to hear. Hak-yeon let out a small laugh of relief, his hand finding Yixing’s.   
  
“Don’t scare me like that again,” he said jokingly, but everyone could hear the relief and fear behind it. “You’ll be okay. J-just rest, I’ll make you something to eat when you wake up. O-okay?”  
  
“It’s okay...I’m not hungry...” He closed his eyes, his breath shaky and small. “But...I’m so cold...”  
  
Hak-yeon’s eyes widened, wiping his hands on his pants before pressing them against Yixing’s cheeks, feeling how cold he was. He was freezing. The room was warm, the sun was shining through the window and was so warm. “Here, take my hands. You’re freezing.” Yixing leaned into his touch slightly, a hint of a smile on his lips.   
  
“You’re so kind...Hak-yeon...thank you.” His breath stopped, his eyes still closed, his chest no longer rising. He looked so peaceful, the hint of a smile still on his lips, looking almost like he was sleeping.   
  
Hak-yeon didn’t move for the longest time, eyes wide and staring at his face, hoping that Yixing would blink again, gasp for air, would do  _something._  Everyone was silent, even Jong-dae, all watching to see if he would move again, even glancing at Hak-yeon to say something. Slowly, shakily, Hak-yeon pulled one hand away and tapped his cheek lightly. “Hey, Yixing ah, don’t sleep yet. O-open your eyes, s-say something.” Yixing still didn’t move, had bled out despite their best efforts. Hak-yeon was near hysteric again, screaming.   
  
“Wake up! You can’t, you can’t die! I can’t lose you too! Please, open your eyes!” He grabbed Yixing’s shoulders and shook him roughly, the other’s head rolling back limply. “Please, please wake up! Please! I need you, you can’t die! Please!”   
  
“Hak-yeon!”  
  
“No! Why did it have to be you? Why can’t it be me?  _Why can’t it be me?”_  
  
“Hak-yeon, stop it!” Chan-yeol put a surprisingly calm Jong-dae down as he went and pulled Hak-yeon away, turned him away from Yixing’s prone body and shoved his head into his shoulder. “H-he’s already gone. Let...let him sleep now.”   
  
“M-my fault,” Hak-yeon sobbed, grabbing onto Chan-yeol fearfully. “I made her do it. I made her angry and she did this. She killed him because of me.”  
  
“No she didn’t. You didn’t do anything. It was all Saet-byul. Saet-byul made the decision to do it, did it with her own hand.” Chan-yeol’s voice was hard, glaring tearfully at Yixing. “She’s the one who did all of this. Jong-in, Joon-myeon... _Baek-hyun..._ she did it all herself.”   
  
“I should have stopped her,” Hak-yeon cried brokenly. “I should have gone earlier, stopped her before she killed them-“  
  
“There is nothing you could have done,” he said soothingly. “She was going to kill regardless. She’s a killer, just like her mother. They’re all the same.”   
  
“It’s all my fault...just like Seok-jin...I did it...I did it...”  
  
“Hak-yeon, you need to sleep. Go take a shower, get some rest, and we can figure this out tomorrow.” When Hak-yeon shoved him away, furious the other would even think of trying to ignore what just happened, Chan-yeol slapped his mouth lightly. “I mean it. You’re covered in blood and not thinking straight. We all thank you deeply for what you did, even if he died. You’ve done more than anyone ever has for us. But it’s done, he’s gone, but like Joon-myeon used to say, we can only focus on stopping her from doing this to anyone else.”   
  
Hak-yeon sniffled, his eyes looking back at Yixing’s seemingly sleeping face, letting out a sad, trembling breath. “A-alright. Tomorrow...we’ll figure out what to do tomorrow.” Chan-yeol nodded, helped him stand up when Hak-yeon’s legs felt like they would give out from under him.  
  
Chan-yeol waited until Hak-yeon had stepped into the bathtub before leaving, though Hak-yeon made no move to clean himself off. He watched disinterestedly as the blood slowly washed away, the bath water melting into a faded red. Yixing’s blood. Blood he spilt. Swallowing heavily, he brought his hands up to his face, his fingers threading through his hair and tugging harshly. Why were so many people dying for him? Seok-jin, Jong-in, Se-hun, Joon-myeon, Lu Han, Yixing...they all died because of him, because Saet-byul wanted  _him._  
  
He opened his eyes briefly to stare at the water, his vision blurry from tears. If...if he was gone, she wouldn’t kill anyone anymore, would have no reason to. This all started because of him, so it should end with him too. He lowered himself further into the tub, his fingers clutching the edges of the tub as the water gradually raised to his chin. This never should have happened; he should have been the one to die instead of Seok-jin. His fingers began to relax, and he felt himself slowly slip under the water.  
  
The moment the water entered his lungs, he shot up, coughing and spluttering, clutching his chest painfully. He couldn’t—he couldn’t kill himself. Not when he had his baby Binnie waiting for him, when he promised his Taek-woonie he would come home. He couldn’t leave them, couldn’t leave either of them. He bent over, coughing and crying, hating himself for how weak he was. People were dying because of him, but he was too afraid to do anything about it. So afraid and cowardly.  
  
He pathetically cleaned himself off, stayed in the tub until every last bit of water went down the drain, taking Yixing with it. On his way to the bedroom Chan-yeol had offered, morbidly mentioning how there were so many empty rooms now, he paused to see Chan-yeol holding Kyung-soo silently, the two huddled together. He lowered his head sadly, knowing it was his fault they were in so much pain.  
  
His fault.  
  
He went to bed alone, his fingers gripping the sheets as he imagined his little Binnie with him. It had been so long since he slept alone; Hong-bin was always with him. He thought of the two of them, Hong-bin and Taek-woon, and wished he could go back to them right now, to curl up in bed with them on either side of him, them all close together. He wanted warmth, reassurance that he was okay. But they weren’t here, both safe at home and away from Saet-byul.  
  
He would go back tomorrow, take them somewhere far away from Saet-byul. Somewhere she would never be able to find them.  
  
The next morning he woke up to silence, not hearing anything from the kitchen or the bathroom down the hall. He didn’t hear anything from Jong-dae, which sounded warning bells off in his head. Climbing out of bed carefully, he went down to check the other bedrooms, heart racing when he found them all empty.  
  
“Chan-yeol?” he called out, listening for any response and stiffening when there was none. “Kyung-soo? Jong-dae? Is anybody there?” He ran down the stairs, Yixing’s body still lying still in the living room. “Hello? Where is everybody?”  
  
He opened the door to the antique front, ran up and down the shelves for any sign of the others. He ran back inside the house, calling their names as he looked everywhere. But there was no one there. They were gone. They were  _gone._  
  
He collapsed to his knees, arms wrapped around himself as he shivered, mind going blank.  
  
She had them.  
  
Saet-byul took them.  
  
\--  
  
Bin made sure to walk a few steps behind Jae-hwan and Won-shik, his whole body wanting nothing more than to have someone’s arms around him and let him know everything was okay. More than anything he wanted  _Hak-yeon’s_  arms around him, kissing him and reassuring him everything was okay. Jae-hwan glanced over to him with a sad smile, his hand shakily reaching out to try and brush his hair but stopped halfway, pulling back abruptly as if burned. He might as well have been burned, that was all Bin would ever do to Jae-hwan.  
  
 _Forever and ever._  
  
Saet-byul hadn’t stopped for even a second, Won-shik driving them all the way until they arrived at a house. Bin didn’t recognize it, even when Saet-byul said it was home—Bin only knew the basement. He had never stepped foot outside until Hak-yeon saved him. Bin whimpered when Won-shik threw Taek-woon over his shoulder, Saet-byul right behind him with their dolls in hand. Won-shik mumbled a promise that he wouldn’t hurt him through strained lips, and Bin could only cry as he let Taek-woon’s hand go. He didn’t want to let Taek-woon go, didn’t want to let her have him, but he couldn’t do anything about it.   
  
He couldn’t do anything.   
  
Jae-hwan noticed Bin still staring at him, looking down at him and giving him a struggling smile, his eyes still so empty. “Shh, don’t worry about me,” he soothed, glancing at Saet-byul quickly before reaching over and pushing Bin’s fringe from his eyes. The touch was only for a second, ripping his hand away just as quickly and running to Won-shik’s side. Won-shik looked confusedly at the other before glancing back at Bin crying, and he seemed to understand as he whispered something softly into Jae-hwan’s ear. Jae-hwan looked back and sent Bin an apologetic look, but Bin could only focus on the fear in Jae-hwan’s eyes, the terrified way he clung to Won-shik’s sleeve, how he hadn’t smiled once since he’d seen him.   
  
It wasn’t right.  
  
Jae-hwan was supposed to be happy and loud, always smiling and making Bin laugh. Jae-hwan was supposed to play games and do things that would make Bin forget about everything.  
  
Jae-hwan wasn’t supposed to be like this.  
  
Dolls weren’t supposed to be like this, didn’t break this fast. Saet-byul did something to break him.   
  
He seethed silently as he glared at Saet-byul’s back, wanting nothing more than to grab both Won-shik and Jae-hwan and take them far, far away. He would take them somewhere where they would never have to feel pain from the dolls, where she would never be able to torture them. He wanted to protect them, to keep them away so she would never be able to touch Jae-hwan again, touch  _any_ of his friends again.  
  
Won-shik stopped when Saet-byul moved to open a door hidden in the corner of the house, shifting Taek-woon on his back so he could turn to brush Jae-hwan’s cheek. “You doing okay?” he asked concernedly, his expression not lessening one bit even when the other nodded, his fingers on his arm tightening. He looked over to Bin, stepping back a couple steps before lowering his voice to a hush, “A-are you okay Hong-bin?” Bin didn’t answer, staring sadly when he saw how the other tried his best to face him, saw how much he was causing them pain. Bin’s friends...she did this to Bin’s friends...  
  
Won-shik shifted uncomfortably under Bin’s stare, and Bin immediately looked straight down at his side where Won-shik’s hand was hovering, his face pulled in a grimace.   
  
Bin’s eyes widened, hands shooting out and slapping Won-shik’s hand away, ignoring his panicked cry as he pulled Won-shik’s shirt up. “H-Hong-bin, please-”  
  
“Doll too,” he muttered, backing away in horror and looking up at him with tears in his eyes. “She made you a doll too.”  
  
“Sorry kiddo,” he said gently, only having time to fix Taek-woon on his back before Saet-byul broke the lock open, turning to them as she opened the door.   
  
“Get down,” she said sternly, pointing to the door that only led down to a flight of stairs. Bin felt his blood run cold at the sight, the draft coming up from the stairway causing goose bumps to run across his skin. He had spent so much of his life down in that basement, could recognize the smell in an instant. Hak-yeon had promised him that Bin would never have to go back there again, that  _she_  was locked away and wouldn’t be able to touch him again. That he would never let anything happen to him again.  
  
But Hak-yeon broke his promise.   
  
He never thought about Saet-byul.   
  
Won-shik noticed how Bin was starting to shake, grimacing as he turned back to Saet-byul. “Saet-byul, do we have to go into the basement?”  
  
“Yes,” she said angrily, holding her head when it looked like she was about to fall over, “the basement is where all old dolls go.”   
  
“The hell? You’ve made more?”  
  
She didn’t answer right away, instead pulling two dolls out of her bag and forcing Jae-hwan and Won-shik to unwillingly head down to the basement. She didn’t allow Bin any time to think, Jae-hwan’s hands shooting out and roughly grabbing his arm, shoving him forward and forcing him to lead in front. His nails dug painfully into his shoulders, his tight hold keeping him from running away. Jae-hwan whispered apologies until Saet-byul silenced his voice, the only reminder Jae-hwan was still there being the tears that would occasionally fall on Bin’s shoulders.    
  
“I’m going to get rid of all of you,” Saet-byul spoke suddenly as they got to the bottom of the stairs, pushing past them all so she could swing the heavy door open. Bin felt his heart stop, his eyes dilating at the sight of the table with the swinging light overhead, the torture box resting open on top. She opened their voices again as she turned to give them a chilling smile, so innocent seeming yet so terrifying. “So that N will be my only doll. I will hide you all away so that you can never confuse him again.”    
  
“Confuse him...?”    
  
“No...” Bin mumbled, his eyes running over the place, the place where he grew up, the only thing he could remember before Hak-yeon saved him. There...there was the place she would stand so she could see everyone. There was the chair she would sit to watch. “No no no no no no no _no_...” There was the tape she would wrap the needle with, the same tape she would use if one of the dolls started bleeding and she couldn’t stop it. There was the place she would drag out the dolls to torture, making sure it was where everyone could see. The ground was still red from all the blood that had been spilt. There was Joon-myeon and Yi Fan’s cage, Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol’s, Kyung-soo and Jong-in’s... _his..._ There was  _his_ cage.  _His._ No...he was never supposed to come back here. Hak-yeon said he was safe. Safe. Both he and Taek-woon promised Bin he would never have to go back to the basement again. They  _promised._  
  
“Hong-bin,” Jae-hwan tried to calm him, but Bin collapsed to the ground, gasping for air that he just couldn’t seem to get enough of. Everything was closing in on him, crushing Bin until he was curled into a tiny ball, his hands protecting his head. The screams, all the screams she forced, the screams pleading to stop, begging to  _stop,_ Bin heard everything. All the dolls she killed and blamed Bin for, had been Bin’s fault, they were here again, watching him, blaming him. If Bin had just been good, she wouldn’t have killed them.    
  
“Hong-bin! Please calm down, please!”    
  
He felt a hand brush his arm and he  _screamed_ , looked up to see  _her_ staring at him, not registering the look of shock on her face. She backed away when he scrambled back, eyes wide in absolute terror.  _Why did he do that? Why did he move away from her?_ She was going to be so mad— _so so mad_ —now she was going to cut someone apart, wait until they nearly bled out before stitching him up—was going to watch Bin the whole time to see him cut his wrists pleadingly. He buried his face in his knees as he bowed down, willing to do whatever it took to stop her. If he begged, if he pleaded, maybe she would stop—maybe she would hurt Bin instead—  
  
“Saet-byul, do something! Please, you can’t leave him like this!”   
  
He felt hands push his shoulders up, but instead of seeing Jae-hwan he saw Seok-jin, his face bruised and cut up. Hak-yeon had told Seok-jin died, Seok-jin died away from where Bin could have tried to save him. Bin would have been bad if he could have saved Seok-jin.    
  
Bin would have done anything to save Seok-jin.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he blubbered, pushing Seok-jin’s hands away. “I’m sorry! Bin—Bin wanted to! B-but couldn’t...couldn’t!”    
  
“Fuck, hyung-” Bin looked back behind Seok-jin to see Joon-myeon, crying when he remembered Joon-myeon disappearing. Hak-yeon had been so upset, Bin had been so upset—he couldn’t, no—did she, she captured Joon-myeon again? Bin didn’t understand, didn’t want to understand. Joon-myeon threw down whatever was on his back as he ran over to Bin’s side, grabbing his arms tightly and shaking him. “Hong-bin! Calm down! It’s okay, you’re okay!”   
  
“No!” Bin struggled to get away, suddenly so hot. The basement was always hot. She always made it so hot, so he would sweat, so the chains would rip harder at his skin. She always laughed when he was in pain. She would stop when Bin was in pain.    
  
“Not like that Won-shik,” Seok-jin whispered, pushing Joon-myeon away and pulling Bin into a crushing hug, hushing him and running a hand through his hair. He stopped mid-cry, eyes wide as he tried to understand. Hak-yeon always played with Bin’s hair, it made Bin feel happy and safe. He looked up to see Hak-yeon, and blinked when Seok-jin vanished and Jae-hwan was the one shushing him. “Shh, hyung is here,” he soothed, rocking him gently. “Hyung’s got you, hyung’s got you...”   
  
Bin wasn’t sure how Jae-hwan was holding him, how he was able to be so close and calm without the doll causing him to scream and cry. But he didn’t care, desperate for comfort and reassurance, clinging onto Jae-hwan desperately. “H-hyung…hyung…”    
  
As Jae-hwan calmed Bin, Won-shik whirled around on Saet-byul. “What the hell is this place? What did you do to him?”    
  
Saet-byul had been watching Bin’s crying the whole time, mesmerized, and looked up blankly at his question. “This was where I used to live. My mother kept her dolls down here.” She looked back down to Bin, her lip curling. “And she kept him here too.”    
  
“The fu-“ Won-shik ran a hand through his hair in disbelief, grasping for words, “you mean she  _locked him up down here?_ You bastards locked him up in one of these  _cages?”_  
  
“I never touched him!” she shouted back. “He was my mother’s doll! I never cared about him until he went and stole N from me!”    
  
“Stole?  _Stole?_ Look at him! Do you think he’s in any condition to steal  _anything_ from  _anyone?_ For god’s sake, look at him! He’s just a kid!”    
  
“N would rather stay with  _him,_ with my mother’s doll instead of me! He made N leave me at the hospital, told N that I was dangerous and-”   
  
“The kid talks in third person and cries in public! Do you really think he was the one to tell Hak-yeon  _anything?”_  
  
Saet-byul paused, eyes wide as if she couldn’t believe him, glancing between Jae-hwan and Bin, her mouth opening and closing as if trying to figure out what to say. When Won-shik turned around to check on Jae-hwan and Bin, Saet-byul growled as she whipped out Won-shik’s doll and slammed it on the table, Jae-hwan wailing when Won-shik collapsed to the ground in pain. “You’re a doll!” she stuttered out, her face red as she tried to sound menacing. “You can’t talk to me like that!”    
  
 _“Fuck,”_ Won-shik gasped, rolling onto his back as he coughed. Jae-hwan tried to reach out to him but his hand froze midway, both him and Bin looking up to see Jae-hwan’s doll in her hand.    
  
“Don’t move,” she commanded, tone harsh. “You’re  _my_ dolls, you have to listen to me!”    
  
“Jae-hwan hyung!” Bin cried, sobbing again when Jae-hwan shoved him away, shooting to his feet with tears in his eyes, Saet-byul gripping his doll fiercely. She went to one of the barred cages,  _Joon-myeon’s,_ and swung it open, forcing Jae-hwan to go inside. The moment she shut it Jae-hwan lunged at the bars, crying and screaming for Won-shik.    
  
“Saet-byul, please, don’t do this,” he sobbed, arms reaching through the bars to try and reach Won-shik. “Please, at least let me be with Won-shik, please Saet-byul-“   
  
“I’m giving you the most comfortable one,” she said, pointing at the couch sitting at the back of the cage. Bin gasped, wanting to tell Jae-hwan to stay far away from it. Yi Fan had died on that couch, others tortured on it; it was tainted. Dirty. Jae-hwan shouldn’t touch, shouldn’t go anywhere near it. Someone as nice and clean as Jae-hwan shouldn’t touch it. “I don’t want to hurt you Ken,” she added, shooting her fingers through his outstretched hand, clasping tightly despite Jae-hwan trying to pull away. “I’m still really sorry, so I’m going to keep you in here where you’re safe.”    
  
“S-Saet-byul, please-”  
  
“Saet-byul-” She glared at the sound of Won-shik behind her, slamming his doll on the table again to quiet him. Bin watched him wither in pain in front of him, too scared to move. He knew this, if he moved, it would be bad. Saet-byul was just like  _her,_ liked to see Bin in pain. But Saet-byul was also different, and he didn’t want to do anything that could make her hurt the others.    
  
“N doesn’t like you,” she sneered, eyes hard as she forced him to stand up despite how he hissed in pain, “so I don’t either. I don’t care if Ken likes you or not, I’ll hurt you for N.”    
  
“Saet-byul, don’t!” Jae-hwan pleaded, but she ignored him.    
  
“Hak-yeon...” Won-shik gritted out, “wouldn’t want to hurt me. Even if he hates me, he wouldn’t do this.”    
  
“Yes he would!” she roared, going over to Jong-dae and Se-hun’s old cage and sliding the glass door open. Bin wanted to jump up and shove him away when she made Won-shik pick Taek-woon back up, slinging him harshly over his shoulder.    
  
“No! Taek-woon hyung!”   
  
“Won-shik! Saet-byul, please-”  
  
She slammed the glass door behind them, grabbing the keys she found in the torture box and locking it shut. Won-shik placed Taek-woon down gently before running and banging on the glass, both his and Jae-hwan’s screams deafening. She rolled her eyes before running a finger over Won-shik’s doll’s mouth, effectively silencing him. Bin trembled. She was so scary, Saet-byul was so scary. He knew  _her,_ knew her favorite ways to torture and what to expect. He knew how to pacify her too. But Saet-byul, he didn’t know anything.    
  
Jae-hwan stopped crying when Won-shik was silenced, eyes wide as he watched Saet-byul walk slowly over to Bin. Bin shook under her gaze, afraid of what she would do. He had no idea what she would do. She suddenly smiled, and he froze. “Which one was yours Hong-binnie?” His eyes shot over to  _his_ cage, noticed the glass stained red with his dried blood. She followed his eyes and grinned even wider.    
  
“I’ll be nice and give you your old one back. How’s that sound?” Bin’s eyes dilated as he backed away as fast as he could, his arms burning. He could feel the glass slicing through his skin, his blood so warm and the pain so, so painful. He could hear  _her_ laughing; he didn’t want to do that again. He was supposed to be safe, Hak-yeon promised he was safe. W-where was Hak-yeon? Hak-yeon, he needed Hak-yeon. He  _needed_ him.    
  
She crouched down in front of him, leaning forward until her hair nearly brushed Bin’s face, “N won’t come to save you, not anymore. I’m taking him back.” Bin whimpered, wanting to scream at her that Hak-yeon would never leave him, that he loved Bin and would never go back to her. But he found his voice stuck in his throat, his whole body shaking with her so close to him, and jumped when there was a loud knock from upstairs.    
  
Saet-byul brightened, jumping to her feet excitedly. “They’re here!” she squealed, rushing past Bin as she swung the door open and ran upstairs, the sounds of her footsteps fading as she left. The basement was deathly silent after she was gone, only the sounds of Bin’s crying making any noise. After a few seconds, Jae-hwan slid down to his knees, his sad eyes looking straight at Bin.    
  
“Hong-bin...Hong-binnie...come here.” Bin hesitated, glanced back at the door in case Saet-byul burst through the door again, before gathering enough courage to crawl over to Jae-hwan’s cage. He only crawled a few inches before he remembered the failsafe, remembered that day in the hospital with Baek-hyun and Hak-yeon nearly bit his own tongue in half at the sight of his mother. He quickly scrambled back, shaking his head furiously. He wouldn’t—he didn’t know how Jae-hwan did it before, but he wasn’t going to chance hurting him. Not to Jae-hwan. He liked Jae-hwan.  
  
Jae-hwan paused at Bin’s reaction before nodding his head understandingly, instead just reaching out through the bars, patting the ground. “Hong-bin ah, I can’t imagine you lived like this...saw things like this...that you grew up like this...I’m so sorry.”    
  
“Hyung didn’t do it,” he reassured, his voice catching between sobs, “hyung is okay. Bin—I’m sorry, Bin liked Jae-hwan hyung. Bin didn’t want hyung to know about the dolls. D-didn’t want...didn’t want hyung to be a doll...”   
  
“Hong-bin,” Jae-hwan gasped, trembling, pulling back and burying his head in his knees, “please don’t say my name. Please...I...everything hurts when you—just, please...don’t...”   
  
“I’m sorry hyung, it’s Bin’s fault. Bin was bad-”  
  
“Nothing was your fault. You did nothing wrong. Don’t listen to her, you’re a wonderful boy, you did nothing wrong.” Bin was crying again, he only ever cried. He wanted to thank Jae-hwan, to be strong like Taek-woon or Hak-yeon and save him, but he couldn’t do anything.    
  
He could only cry.   
  
The door burst open, Saet-byul striding in with —Bin’s eyes widened in disbelief and horror—his other hyungs—the other dolls. She disregarded Bin completely, instead allowing the others to get a good view of the basement, her smile so bright. Chan-yeol was the first to notice Bin, his face twisting in rage as he glared daggers at Saet-byul.    
  
“You fucking  _bitch_ ,” he snarled. “How dare you grab Bin-“   
  
“I’ll grab whoever I want,” she shot back. She went into her bag and pulled out all their dolls, putting them all in separate cages. Bin shook his head, this wasn’t right! There were always two in a cage, always two.  _She_  sometimes liked watching them hurt each other. They can’t be alone, it wasn’t right. Jong-dae was screaming, yelling madly about how he knew this was coming and she was going to kill them all. Saet-byul laughed at him, thought what he said funny before silencing his doll and tossing him into the smallest cage.    
  
“Hyung...” Bin moaned, effectively getting Saet-byul’s attention again.   
  
“I almost forgot about you, little Hong-bin. I left yours open, it’s all for you.” She waited for him to get up, glaring when he didn’t. “Get in.”    
  
“Saet-byul,” Jae-hwan tried, “he’s terrified. Can you put him with me? Please-”   
  
“No, he’s the last one to get anything special,” she spat. “But if you don’t do what I say, then I’ll just have to make you.” She grabbed Won-shik’s doll, and Bin watched in a panic as Won-shik got up and straddled Taek-woon’s still body, his hands wrapping tightly around his neck. Won-shik’s eyes were wide in fear, unable to shout for help or beg with his voice silenced, only his eyes showing how terrified he was.    
  
“Stop!” Bin begged, pleaded, jumped forward and pulled desperately at her pant legs. “Bin was wrong, Bin is so sorry! Please, don’t hurt Taek-woon hyung! Please, Bin was wrong!” He scrambled to his feet before anyone could move, crawling over the sharp glass of his cage, accidentally slicing his leg in the process. He didn’t even register the pain, his eyes on Saet-byul until she had Won-shik step away and his hands break away from Taek-woon’s neck. Taek-woon coughed painfully in his sleep, whatever she had done still forcing him to dream.    
  
“See, that wasn’t so hard,” she said sweetly, and Chan-yeol slammed furiously on the glass of his cage, his eyes filled with such rage and hatred.    
  
“You bitch. You  _fucking,_ messed up  _bitch.”_  
  
She paused for a moment before giving him a sad smile. “I never wanted to be like this. But it’s what I’ve become, and I’ll embrace it completely.”


	34. Chapter 34

Hak-yeon burst through the door to Taek-woon’s apartment, screaming both Taek-woon and Hong-bin’s name. He was panting, panicking, his mind still swirling after realizing the others disappeared—that Saet-byul had  _taken_ them. He should have done  _something_ , shouldn’t have gone to sleep, should have gone right back to Saet-byul and forced her to stop. He was always so impassive, and every time it caused someone to be hurt in his stead.  
  
Once he had calmed somewhat, he straightened in alarm when there was no response to his calls. Taek-woon would have burst in the moment he heard the door open, Hong-bin shooting out to give him a hug. There should be some response. On the brink of another panic attack, he stumbled through the main room, his hands shaking terribly as he opened the door to Taek-woon’s bedroom, finding it empty. He went to his and Hong-bin’s room, the bed made and untouched. No— _no_ —he left Hong-bin here with Taek-woon so he would be safe. He was supposed to be  _safe_.  
  
 _They were both supposed to be safe._  
  
“Taek-woon! Taek-woonie!” He slammed the bathroom door open, gasping when even that was empty. “Jung Taek-woon! Please answer me!”  
  
He had left Taek-woon alone, put his Taek-woonie through so much pain so that he would be safe from Saet-byul. He had forced himself to do the one thing he never wanted to do, just to keep him safe. But what the hell was he doing? Taek-woon was gone, his Taek-woonie was  _gone._ He ran into the kitchen, looking under the table and behind the counter, shooting to the main room and checking behind the couch.  
  
“Taek-woon! Hong-bin! Binnie! Your Hak-yeon hyung is here! Please come here, your Hak-yeon hyung is very worried about you!” He was crying, his hands locked in his hair as he spun in circles, looking for some movement to show they were just hiding. He would be so relieved if they were hiding, just playing a joke on him. He wouldn’t even be upset if they did, just laughing as he hugged them close. “Binnie…please answer me…please…”  
  
He stumbled back and cried out in pain when something sharp pierced his foot, and he looked down to see a broken glass on the floor. Stepping back, he crouched down and picked up a shard, eyes narrowing.  
  
Taek-woon was extremely neat, he would never have left a broken glass like this on the floor, would have immediately gone to clean it up. He looked up, finally noticing the coffee table shoved aside and the couch pushed back, something Taek-woon would never have allowed to happen. Tears welled in his eyes, the glass shard digging into his hand.  
  
He recalled Saet-byul’s words, her promise that she would kill everyone that had ever kept him away from her. He had just assumed it meant the other dolls, that she was talking about how Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol had taken him away only those few short weeks ago. He never…he never thought she would go after his Taek-woonie and Binnie first. He thought she liked Taek-woon, the two having met continuously just so he could check on her and make sure she was alright. But then…  
  
 _She hated Hong-bin._  
  
He should have known she would go after his baby Binnie, and his stomach dropped at the thought of all the things she could be doing to him right now. He threw the shard to the floor, dead set on going back to Saet-byul and stopping her. Now there was no time to try and convince her otherwise; he would use force if he had to. She was crossing the line, going farther and farther into the shrouded darkness of the dolls, and there was very little chance he could save her at this point.  
  
He had to stop her before she did anything more.  
  
He was not about to let anyone else die because of him, and he was absolutely not about to let her touch a hair on his precious Taek-woon and Hong-bin.  
  
Just then the sound of a phone ringing echoed sharply in the painfully silent apartment, and Hak-yeon nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound. Scrambling, he ran over to the bedroom to find Taek-woon’s cell phone on the nightstand, a small whimper escaping his lips as he slowly walked over to it, missing his Taek-woonie now more than ever. He picked up the phone; why he wasn’t sure, maybe a part of him was hoping it was Taek-woon, calling to try and get to Hak-yeon, but he blinked in surprise when the screen said it to be Sang-hyuk calling.  
  
Sang-hyuk—Sang-hyuk didn’t know.  
  
He had to make sure he stayed away.  
  
Hak-yeon quickly answered the call, Sang-hyuk’s cheery voice coming in from the other end.  _“Taek-woon hyung!”_  he called out, and Hak-yeon wondered when the two had exchanged numbers.  _“You’re never going to believe it!”_  
  
“Hyukkie?” Hak-yeon asked tentatively, and it was silent on the other end for a few seconds. Finally,  
  
 _“Hak-yeon…? What are you doing with Taek-woon hyung’s phone?”_  
  
“Hyukkie,” he continued, ignoring the other’s question, “where are you right now? Are you alone?”  
  
 _“No,”_ he answered, though he was noticeably less enthusiastic.  _“Did you go back to Taek-woon hyung, Hak-yeon? He told me you left and were busy.”_  
  
Hak-yeon took a second to control the shaky cry that threatened to escape his lips; of course, of course Taek-woon would tell people he was just busy. His poor Taek-woonie...having to suffer alone like that...and for what _? He ended up being taken anyway._  
  
Sang-hyuk heard his small cry, coughing awkwardly on the other side.  _“Don’t tell me you guys actually broke up or anything.”_  
  
“W-what?” he laughed humorlessly, thrown off and for just a second the horrible pain and guilt that had been weighing down on him forgotten. “Taek-woon and I aren’t dating.”  
  
Sang-hyuk was laughing with him.  _“Then are you and Hong-bin a thing? Cause I’ve never seen any couple as touchy as you two.”_  
  
“No! God Hyukkie, where are you coming up with this? I’m not dating anybody, and as far as I know neither are they.” He sat down on the bed, breathless, smiling for the first time in days.  
  
 _“Well, Taek-woon looked pretty heartbroken when he told me you left. I thought you two broke up or something....but...is everything okay over there? He looked really upset.”_  
  
“I...no, it’s not. There are...I...” Sang-hyuk was silent on the other end, waiting patiently, and Hak-yeon buried his head in his hands. “Don’t worry about it.”  
  
 _“You know,”_  Sang-hyuk snapped, his angry tone surprising Hak-yeon,  _“you guys are all the same. You tell me not to worry about it, and keep me out of the loop. You all know what’s going on, and instead of actually trusting me and telling me what’s happening, you guys all think it’s a good idea to just ignore me. It’s really fucking annoying.”_  
  
“Watch your language,” he reprimanded without thinking, and Sang-hyuk growled.  
  
 _“I’m not a baby. You treat_ Hong-bin  _better than me. Saet-byul is my best friend, and when something’s going on with her and you all know except for me it’s really frustrating. I want to know what’s going on, I want to help, but none of you trust me.”_  
  
“It’s not that we don’t trust you, we’re trying to protect you-”  
  
 _“What could I possibly need protection from that Hong-bin doesn’t? I’m eighteen, Hak-yeon, I don’t need protection. I mean, you guys even managed to get Jae-hwan hyung and Won-shik hyung to stop talking to me.”_ Hak-yeon stiffened, head shooting up as his free hand gripped his knee.  _“How you did that I have no idea, since I thought Jae-hwan and I were pretty good friends-”_  
  
“Sang-hyuk, what do you mean Jae-hwan and Won-shik stopped talking to you? When did this happen?”  
  
 _“Er...Jae-hwan hyung went to go check on Saet-byul a couple weeks ago and stopped messaging me afterward. I tried calling him, tried calling everybody really, to see what was wrong, and nobody responded. I’ve been in the dark for a long freaking time.”_  
  
“Why would he go check on her? Why? Sang-hyuk-”  
  
 _“Because Saet-byul was messed up after you left her! I know you had a lot happen to you too, but both Jae-hwan and I watched her fall apart; she fell into periods of depression where she would lock herself up and try and starve herself. We were afraid after seeing you she was doing it again and went to check_   _on her. I-”_  Hak-yeon stopped listening, eyes wide in horror, the phone slipping from his hand and clattering to the floor.  
  
That room, that room Saet-byul had run out of and locked before greeting him, was that where she had been hiding him? When he visited, was Jae-hwan laying in that room, body frozen and voice silenced, listening and praying uselessly for someone to save him? Had he been really standing only a few feet away from him, had allowed Saet-byul to distract him from possibly discovering him? He had been  _there_ , had stood only a room apart from where Jae-hwan could have been trapped.  
  
Saet-byul...had she really done it? Had she turned Jae-hwan into a doll? It would explain why the other would stop contact with everyone. But...his Saet-byul couldn’t have...she couldn’t...  
  
 _“I will not let you leave me, ever. Those dolls that took you away, I will kill every one of them for taking you from me.”_  
  
After yesterday...  
  
 _…yes...yes, she could._  
  
“Sang-hyuk,” he said breathlessly, clambering to pick up the phone and hold it steadily next to his ear, “where are you right now? Are you at home?”  
  
Sang-hyuk noticed his serious tone, his anger vanishing and replaced with growing concern.  _“No, I’m out. I’m meeting Saet-byul—can you believe it? I’ve been trying to call her for almost a month now, and she suddenly calls me out of the blue to go out for lunch! If I wasn’t so worried I’d have just-”_  
  
Hak-yeon felt his heart stop, freezing. “Sang-hyuk! Get out of there, go home.”  
  
 _“What? Why? Hak-yeon-”_  
  
“I mean it Sang-hyuk! It’s dangerous— _she’s_ dangerous! Where are you, I’ll come get you.”  
  
 _“What? Hak-yeon—don’t, what are you talking about? What’s dangerous? Oh, there she is, hold on.”_  Hak-yeon broke into a run, didn’t care that he had no idea which way to go. Saet-byul, she wasn’t Saet-byul anymore. As much as he didn’t want to believe it, his little Byullie was disappearing. He realized it when he felt Yixing die in his arms, when the others disappeared, when he found Taek-woon and Hong-bin missing. Whatever was happening to her, no one was safe from it. That included Hyukkie, the most innocent of them all with his sweet crush on her.  
  
“Han Sang-hyuk! Where are you?”  
  
 _“We’re at the café she used to work at. I think she’s going to try and get her job back. Ah, she’s here; do you want to talk with her?”_  
  
 _“Who are you talking to Hyukkie?”_ Hak-yeon’s ears perked up at the sound of Saet-byul’s voice, and if he hadn’t seen the things he’d seen, he wouldn’t have suspected anything was wrong. Sang-hyuk, the ignorant little thing, answered back completely unaware.  
  
 _“I’m talking to Hak-yeon—hey, are you okay? You don’t look so good…”_  
  
Hak-yeon shoved people aside as he ran down the sidewalk, not bothering to worry about the annoyed glares and insults he received. Saet-byul’s voice was soft, barely audible, but he could hear it clearly, could hear the thinly veiled animosity behind it.  
  
 _“You’re talking with N?”_  
  
 _“Yeah, I tried to call Taek-woon hyung but he picked up. I-”_  There was the sound of crinkling before Sang-hyuk cried out confusedly.  _“Saet-byul, what are you-?”_  
  
 _“I don’t want to eat here anymore. Let’s go somewhere else.”_  
  
“Sang-hyuk!” Hak-yeon tried again, desperate. He didn’t know what Saet-byul was going to do; he knew she loved Sang-hyuk, Hyukkie probably being the closest person to her after himself. But that was before she changed, before whatever caused to her to start killing dolls happened. Sang-hyuk, no matter how much he meant to her, was at just as much risk. “Sang-hyuk-”  
  
 _“Hello N,”_ Saet-byul’s voice cut in, sounding so cheerful and happy. Hak-yeon stopped, jumping and nearly dropping the phone when someone ended up running into him. He hurriedly moved away from the sidewalk, cradling the phone by his ear.  
  
“Saet-byul, don’t touch Hyuk-”  
  
 _“You were telling him, weren’t you? Hyukkie is looking at me differently. You told him, didn’t you.”_ There was an accusing tone in her voice.  _“They don’t like it. I don’t like it. I never wanted Hyukkie to know.”_  
  
 _“Know what?”_ Sang-hyuk asked, though she ignored him.  
  
 _“Now they want him gone too. Why did you do that N? I wanted to keep Hyukkie away; they would never leave me alone if they saw him.”_  
  
 _“Who wouldn’t? What’s going on? Is someone trying to hurt you?”_  
  
“Saet-byul-”  
  
 _“Don’t worry, I won’t really hurt him. I could never hurt Hyukkie. But I’ll have to do something so they won’t be upset.”_ He could hear her shift, the sound of her laugh so cold.  _“Hyukkie, do you want to come home with me? I can show you my dolls.”_  
  
“Saet-byul, don’t! Please! I-I’ll come back, I’ll do whatever you want—just don’t hurt Sang-hyuk!”  
  
 _“You did this, N,”_ she snapped,  _“you made me do this. I never, ever wanted to let Hyukkie know. Though, it’s good in a way. This way there’ll be absolutely no one who can hide or confuse you again. And then you’ll be all mine. Come on Hyukkie, I promise, it’ll be so much fun.”_  
  
 _“Saet-byul, is someone trying to hurt you? Or Hak-yeon? Is that what you’ve been keeping from me? Is everything okay?”_  
  
 _“It is now. I didn’t want to involve you because there was a chance you could get hurt, but N decided to let you know. So now I can tell you all about it. Come.”_  
  
“Saet-byul, stop! Stop! Saet-byul-”  
  
 _“Goodbye, N.”_  
  
The dial tone that followed echoed through deaf ears, Hak-yeon unable to fathom anything aside from the harrowing fact that he had just sentenced Sang-hyuk to death.  
  
\--  
  
His eyelids were heavy as he slowly came to, barely registering how it was humid and clammy and his skin felt wet with sweat. He tried to roll over and heard the clinking of metal, and his eyes snapped open to see a row of steel bars running across the opening of his cell. He looked around to see the brick wall, the couch sitting behind him, and finally down to his wrists to see metal bracelets attached to chains connecting to the wall. It took a while for his cloudy mind to clear, but eventually he remembered Saet-byul taking them here, of forcing them in cages and telling them she was going to keep them trapped here.  
  
“Binnie,” he heard a hoarse voice call out, and he looked over to see one of the guys Saet-byul had brought down pressing his face against the bars of his cage, trying his best to look over to Hong-bin. Ken struggled to roll over, the chains pulling and catching his skin, though neither the guy nor Hong-bin seemed to notice.  
  
Hong-bin...every time he looked over at Hong-bin he felt the overwhelming urge to  _run away_ , to  _escape._  He didn’t want to, hated seeing the look of sheer terror on the younger’s face and wanting to smooth it away until the other smiled—but something...something was ripping and tearing at him to run. Telling him to stay far away. Even now, even when Hong-bin was locked in the cage across the room from him, chained and  _beaten_ , he could feel the urge to run as a dull pain in the back of his head.  
  
Hong-bin leaned forward as far as he could over the broken glass that lined the doorway to his cage, the metal chains around his wrists stopping him from moving any further. Ken scanned the room to see that everyone had chains around their wrists, and he wondered when that happened.  
  
He didn’t know anything anymore.  
  
“Chan-yeol hyung,” Hong-bin called out pitifully, sniffing. “Is hyung hurt?”  
  
“No, I’m alright,” he said softly, and while Hong-bin couldn’t see, Ken could see the tears in the man’s eyes as he forced himself to smile. “How are you feeling? Did she hurt you at all?”  
  
“No…” Hong-bin whimpered, his fingers wrapping around a sharp point of glass, eyes faded. “But Bin scratched his leg on the glass. It hurts.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Chan-yeol said, his voice filled with regret, affection, hopelessness, and a flurry of other emotions Ken couldn’t even begin to fathom. “I’m sorry Binnie that you have to come back here. You don’t deserve this. You deserve to go out and live a good life.”  
  
“Bin…Bin doesn’t know…I don’t know what that means…”  
  
“He means you should be happy,” another said, his back against the glass, head tilted up as he forlornly stared at the ceiling.  
  
“Bin was happy. Bin was happy with Hak-yeon hyung.” Hong-bin lowered his head, absentmindedly running his finger against the glass until he cut himself. Ken’s brows furrowed when he watched how Hong-bin didn’t seem to register the pain, poking the wound curiously. “Hak-yeon hyung will come back, right? He left me with Taek-woon hyung…and didn’t come back…he promised…”  
  
“Of course he’ll come back,” the second one said. “He’ll come save you, you know how he is.”  
  
“Bin wants him to come back…but I don’t want him here. I don’t want him in the basement.” Hong-bin pulled his hand away, sucking on his wounded finger. “Hak-yeon hyung doesn’t belong in the basement.”  
  
“Hak-yeon will come back,” came Taek-woon’s soft voice, and Hong-bin’s reaction was immediate.  
  
“Taek-woon hyung!” he cried, completely forgetting the other two as he tried to peer over his glass at Taek-woon and Won-shik’s cage adjacent to his, Taek-woon leaning his head against the glass of his own. Hong-bin’s smile was contagious, dimples Ken never realized he had deep as he grinned excitedly at the sight of his hyung. “You’re alright!” he shouted, reaching out as far as his chains would let him. “Bin—Bin was so scared Saet-byul killed you. Bin is so, so happy Taek-woon hyung is okay!”  
  
A soft smile appeared on Taek-woon’s lips at Hong-bin’s excitement, and glancing over Ken could see the others staring wistfully as well. Even he couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight, never having seen Hong-bin so happy. “I wouldn’t leave you, Hong-bin,” he said. “I promised you, didn’t I?”  
  
“Yes,” Hong-bin rushed, still elated. “Taek-woon hyung doesn’t lie.”  
  
“Ah, shit…” Ken immediately shot up and ran to the edge of his cage at the sound of his Wonnie’s voice, not caring that he nearly scared Hong-bin to death at his sudden movement.  
  
“Won-shik? Won-shik!”  
  
“Jae—er, Ken hyung?” Ken could see Won-shik moving behind Taek-woon, Taek-woon not moving as he only watched Won-shik attempt to sit up. “Hyung, I— _shit!”_ Taek-woon blinked confusedly when Won-shik suddenly flinched away from him, scooting back until his back slammed against the back wall.  
  
Ken panicked, no longer able to see Won-shik. “Won-shik? Won-shik, what’s going on? Won-shik!”  
  
“Won-shik-” Taek-woon started, but Won-shik cut him off.  
  
“Stay away from me!” he screamed, his voice cracking and Ken felt absolutely helpless as he shook the bars to his cage uselessly. His Wonnie was hurting, was in trouble, and he couldn’t do anything. He could see Taek-woon attempt to push himself up against the glass as close as possible, confusion all over his face as he tried to understand what was going on. His movement only aggravated Won-shik further, his screams growing louder and louder and Ken slammed himself against the bars, trying desperately to reach him.  
  
“Won-shik, please,” Taek-woon tried, but his voice only seemed to make it worse, Won-shik grabbing the stool next to him and throwing it, narrowly missing Taek-woon’s head.  
  
“Get away, get  _away!”_ Hong-bin was crying, screaming things that Ken couldn’t make out; he couldn’t really hear anything beside the sounds of his precious Wonnie screaming and the feeling of helplessness in that he couldn’t do  _shit._ Ken had a vague idea of what was happening, remembered feeling the same way when he had been so close to Hong-bin—did Saet-byul do this on purpose? Leaving Won-shik alone with Taek-woon, did she do that to purposefully hurt Won-shik? He never would have thought she would, she had always been so sweet, but…  
  
“What’s going on?” Taek-woon asked, flinching when Won-shik kicked at him.  
  
“It’s called the failsafe,” Chan-yeol said, his mouth pulled into a tight line, face void of any expression. “It kicks in whenever you see anyone you knew before you became a doll. It’s…it’s to stop you from running away.”  
  
“It’s not his fault,” the other added in, turning his head slightly, a hand pressed against the bandage wrapped around his one eye. “He can’t help himself. Saet-byul is being inexcusably cruel to do this to him.”  
  
Taek-woon suddenly screamed, scrambling to his feet. “Won-shik! Stop it, you’re hurting yourself!” Ken’s heart stopped, eyes wide as all the possibilities of what could possibly be happening to his Wonnie raced through his head. Why—why couldn’t he see him? Why did Saet-byul put him somewhere he couldn’t see? His Wonnie, he needed to see him. Needed to see him  _now._  
  
“What—what’s going on? Stop him Taek-woon! Stop him please!” Taek-woon ran towards Won-shik and out of Ken’s line of sight, though he could hear them struggling and Won-shik’s pained cries. Each cry, each whimper felt like a stab to his heart, and Ken struggled to hold himself together. Hong-bin tried his best to reach out to them, his chains rattling sharply against his wrists. “Hong-bin,” the throbbing pain in the back of his head intensified when Hong-bin turned his teary eyes to him, but he couldn’t think of that, couldn’t waste even a second, “what’s happening?”  
  
W-Won-shik hyung,” Hong-bin whimpered, unknowingly starting to cut his hands against the glass in front of him, “he’s shaking the chains on his w-wrists. He’s cutting himself.”  
  
“He’ll break his wrists if he keeps this up,” Chan-yeol warned, face alert, “you need to knock him out. It’s the only way to stop him.”  
  
“You can’t hurt him!” Ken begged, heaving at the damned, damned fact that he couldn’t see Won-shik. He wanted to see him so badly, to see how bad he was, to just  _see_ him. “Please don’t hurt him!”  
  
“Ken, he has to. Won-shik will keep trying to get away until he hurts himself.” Won-shik screamed again, Taek-woon’s own grunts of pain mingled in between. Each time he heard the chains rattle, snap and creak and echoing so loudly and mockingly in his ears, Ken could only imagine Won-shik thrashing around. Breaking his wrists…he was going to break his wrists…  
  
“Ken, please!” Taek-woon cried, wincing at something that made Hong-bin cover his face with his hands. Ken could hear Won-shik screaming, pleading, begging, and he slammed his hands over his ears to try and block it out. He could never…could never purposefully, willingly agree to hurt Won-shik, could never do anything to lay a hand on him…but…he had to protect him, keep him from hurting himself. He didn’t want to, his whole body screaming  _no—_  
  
“O-okay…do it!” It didn’t take long before Won-shik’s screams stopped, the silence that followed so abrupt it took Ken a few seconds before he pulled his hands away. He slowly looked up to see Hong-bin shaking, Taek-woon slowly making his way back to the front of his cage. He was panting, his face flushed, his entire appearance disheveled. Ken tried to look around him to see Won-shik but couldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. He didn’t want to know what Taek-woon did to quiet him.  
  
Taek-woon glanced at him, lowering his head apologetically. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.  
  
Ken sniffled, eyes refusing to meet his. He knew he shouldn’t be upset, it had to be done, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he had allowed them to hurt Won-shik. “It’s…it’s alright…”  
  
“I’ll talk with Saet-byul when she comes back,” he said, this time a little louder. “I’ll try and get her to move him.”  
  
“Don’t,” Hong-bin spoke up, his hair gelled up with blood, his wide eyes ringed with it. He didn’t even realize he was bleeding. “It’ll make her mad. She’ll hurt. She’ll cut you up and…and…”  
  
“You have to be careful,” Chan-yeol interrupted before Hong-bin could fluster himself any further. “Saet-byul is different than Eun-ji. You don’t know what she will or won’t do.” He looked up to Taek-woon, eyes hard. “The failsafe was reacting to you...are you...are you not a doll?”  
  
Taek-woon’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand what you mean.”  
  
“The failsafe only goes off when you see someone from your old life, but it doesn’t work with other dolls. Dolls aren’t human anymore. So...are you not a doll?”  
  
“Taek-woon hyung isn’t a doll!” Hong-bin gushed, and Taek-woon’s head snapped down to look at him in shock.  
  
“I-I’m not?”  
  
“No, Bin protected Taek-woon hyung,” he reassured, a toothy smile on his face. “Bin made sure she didn’t touch Taek-woon hyung.” Taek-woon didn’t move, didn’t know how to react; though before he had a chance to think of a response, a new voice cut in that had the entire room fall absolutely silent.  
  
“T-Taek-woon hyung…?” Ken felt an overwhelming sense of dread come over him at the sound. That voice…that voice shouldn’t be here. Of all people, that voice should be the last one here. When no one said anything, the voice spoke up again. “Is…is that you? Jae-hwan hyung…I thought I heard you too…”  
  
Ken gasped as he suddenly felt everything closing in on him at the sound of that  _word_ , the word that struck fear into his heart at the mere mention. He knew that at one time that word had meant the world to him, identified him, was used by the people he loved to call him. But he couldn’t, not anymore. He couldn’t handle the sound of it, the sound of that word alone feeling as if his skin was being peeled away, every second agony as if he was being ripped apart at the seams. He squeezed his eyes shut when it felt as if everything was crushing him, scrambling behind the couch where he could feel some semblance of safety. He heard the sound of something ringing in his ears but he couldn’t understand, didn’t want to understand, didn’t want to hear it again.  
  
He could hear her calling that word at him, saying it over and over and laughing when she saw how much pain it caused him. She stood tall over him, leaning down over him, her voice so cold and the word so, so very painful. And then she vanished, replaced with Won-shik sitting by him, holding his hand comfortingly, a hand reaching out and caressing his cheek. Won-shik, his Wonnie was sweet, wouldn’t hurt him, Won-shik would never hurt him—  
  
 _“Jae-hwan hyung.”_  
  
Ken screamed again as he yanked at the chains, the pain of the metal cutting into his wrists nothing compared to his very insides burning him alive. Won-shik, Won-shik wouldn’t hurt him, wouldn’t—  
  
 _“Jae-hwan hyung.”_  
  
“Stop it!” he screamed, thrashing around, his mind so clouded and the only thing ringing in his head being the sound of Won-shik calling him. He wouldn’t hurt him, wouldn’t, wouldn’t, wouldn’t, wouldn’t—  
  
 _“Ken hyung! Ken hyung!”_ No…Won-shik wouldn’t hurt him…he wouldn’t…Won-shik would never hurt him…  
  
 _“Ken hyung! It’s me, Won-shik! Listen to my voice, listen to my voice hyung!”_  
  
“Won-shik…” he moaned, the numbness that had overtaken him fading slowly, and a sharp pain shot through his scalp. He looked down at his fingers to see chunks of skin under his fingernails, and he whimpered at the realization he had scratched himself.  
  
“Ken hyung, come back. K-Ken hyung…please come back…scared...” That…that wasn’t Won-shik. That wasn’t Won-shik’s voice. “Ken hyung…Ken hyung…”  
  
That…that was Hong-bin. That was Hong-bin’s voice. “Hyung…Bin—Bin is scared…come back hyung…” Tentatively, each movement rocking his entire world and his whole body tensed in case he heard that word again, he peeked around the edge of the couch to see everyone watching him, Hong-bin’s face flushed red and sobbing loudly. Taek-woon and Chan-yeol were pressed up against the glass as well, their faces filled with worry. He felt himself flush with embarrassment and self-loathing—he was the one that made them so worried, that made Hong-bin cry. He was so fucked up now that all he could  _do_ was make others worried.  
  
“H-Hong-bin,” he called out pitifully, crawling back to the bars of his cage. Taek-woon’s face hardened at the sight of him, and Ken could only think he saw how he had clawed his face. He looked away, feeling even more embarrassed. “I-I’m sorry Hong-bin-“  
  
“Not hyung’s fault!” Hong-bin cried sadly. “N-not hyung. It was all Saet-byul—her fault! S-she did it to you—she made you like this!”  
  
“What…what did she do?” Ken snapped his head to the sound of Sang-hyuk’s voice, having forgotten briefly that he had been there. Taek-woon spoke up when nobody was able to come up with an answer for him.  
  
“Sang-hyuk…was Saet-byul the one who brought you here?”  
  
“Yeah...she said she was going to take me out for lunch...to make up for not talking to me...” There was a grunt, followed by a cry of panic. “G-guys,” he called, Sang-hyuk’s voice raising higher and higher as he started to panic, “guys...I-I-I can’t move. Why can’t I move? What’s going on?”  
  
Ken and Taek-woon shot to their feet as they looked towards where Sang-hyuk’s voice was coming from, eyes wide in realization of what was happening. “Calm down Sang-hyuk,” Taek-woon called out, though his voice was far from calm, “c-calm down, and tell me what’s wrong. What do you mean you can’t move?”  
  
“I-I’m lying on the floor a-and I can see the ceiling a-and the walls. I-I-I’m trying to turn my head b-but I can’t! W-why can’t I? Hyung, why can’t I move? What’s going on?”  
  
Ken took over, his hands gripping the bars until some of the rusting metal pricked his skin. “H-Hyukkie, are you bleeding anywhere? Did she cut you?”  
  
“I-I can’t tell—why am I like this hyung?” Ken cried at how scared the other sounded, wished with all his heart that he could run over there and pull the younger boy into his arms and protect him from everything. Sang-hyuk was so innocent, had loved and cared for Saet-byul for so many years, had even hated Hak-yeon for her—all for her. Everything he did was for her; why would she take someone as sweet and innocent as Sang-hyuk? Sang-hyuk was crying, and Ken was filled with fierce, sudden hatred for her, hating that she had done this to Sang-hyuk and hating that she had left him all alone.  
  
“Hyukkie-”  
  
“I-I remember she w-wanted to show me her dolls, hyung,” Sang-hyuk continued through sobs, and Ken collapsed to his knees. Hong-bin’s tears had dried, now listening to Sang-hyuk speak with arrested fascination. “S-she accidentally c-cut me when she wanted to show m-me a-a-nd...hyung...is this what she meant? Dolls...is this what a doll is?”  
  
“Yes,” Chan-yeol spoke up, his voice low as he hung his head in defeat, “you’re a doll. We all are.”  
  
“Taek-woon hyung isn’t!” Hong-bin tried interjecting, though no one paid him any attention.  
  
“W-why would she do this?” Sang-hyuk asked after a period of silence, his voice so broken-sounding. Ken desperately wanted to comfort him, cursed his chains as he tugged uselessly on them. “Saet-byul...why would she do something like this?”  
  
“Something snapped,” Taek-woon said softly. “She’s fixated on Hak-yeon, and captured and locked us down here to get him back. I’m not sure what happened, but whatever it was she’s not thinking clearly anymore.” Sang-hyuk’s sobs quieted until he was only heaving.  
  
“K-Ken hyung...is this why you stopped talking to me? Because Saet-byul did this to you?”  
  
“I’m sorry Hyukkie,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. She panicked when I went over...if I had known...”  
  
“Hyung, don’t-” Everyone jumped, Hong-bin flying to the back corner of his cage, when the door leading to upstairs swung open, Saet-byul walking in. Ken watched her in a mixture of fear and pity, saw how thin and sickly she had become, her eyes bloodshot and her sweater hanging limply off her shoulders. Her hair, which she had kept long after Sang-hyuk had one time complimented her, had been chopped off, uneven strands hanging by her chin. She looked terrible, her wide eyes scanning the room before landing on him.  
  
“Ken,” she called out, coming up to his cage and sticking her hands through the bars, her fingers attempting to stroke his head. He immediately flinched back, and she frowned, pulling her hand back. Her eyes narrowed in concern. “Did you hurt yourself? Here, I’ll fix it up-”  
  
“Don’t touch me,” he cried out, and a flash of hurt crossed her face before she covered it up.  
  
“I don’t want it to get infected. Here, let me help you.” She got up and went over to the table in the middle of the room, searching through a box before pulling out a key. She came back and unlocked the door to his cage, swinging it open. When she moved to unlock the bracelets around his wrists he scrambled away; her calm demeanor vanished as she growled at him. “I can’t help you if you don’t come here.”  
  
“Go away...go away Saet-byul...”  
  
She paused for a long second before going back to the table and pulling out Ken’s doll, forcing him to freeze. She smiled. “See? That’s better. Now let me help you.” Ken inwardly cried as she came over and freed him from his chains, leading him by the hand to the chair under the light. “Be careful,” she said sweetly, the way she looked at him so different from the menacing way she controlled his body, “the chair’s broken.”  
  
He could feel everyone’s eyes on him as she pulled out some medical supplies, her making all the appropriate noises as she applied ointment on him. “You shouldn’t hurt yourself.” She started sticking band aids onto his cuts.  
  
“Saet-byul...” Ken’s eyes snapped toward Sang-hyuk’s cage, now able to see the younger boy sprawled out on the floor, his back facing them. He wanted to scream when Saet-byul slowly looked back at him, wanting to scream at her not to touch him.  
  
 _Leave him alone!_  
  
“Hyukkie, I forgot about you!” She hurriedly closed the kit and grabbed Ken’s doll again, forcing him to stand up. She picked up another doll and flicked her wrist, and Ken watched as Sang-hyuk’s body suddenly rolled over, the younger boy yelping as his eyes widened in confusion. Ken immediately locked eyes with him, and Sang-hyuk sent him a terrified glance before she pushed Ken back into his cage. She smiled at him as she put the bracelets back around his wrists, her hand coming out and fingering one of the bandages by his eye. “I’m sorry, Ken,” she whispered, eyes downcast, before giving him control of his body again and walking out. He didn’t wait for her as he flew behind the couch, listening to her lock up and walk away.  
  
“Hyukkie,” he heard her call out, and Ken hurriedly crawled back to the bars, trying his best to find her and only seeing her crouching down. He couldn’t see Sang-hyuk.  
  
“S-Saet-byul…what’s going on? W-why….why did you do this to me?”  
  
“N told you…I couldn’t let you go after he told you. It’s why I had to do this; if I turned you into a doll I wouldn’t have to kill you.” Ken exchanged horrified looks with Taek-woon, realizing that she had done the same to him and Won-shik. He remembered, his heart hammering in his chest, that she had been ready to kill Won-shik when she found him trying to help him. She only spared him because he had begged.  
  
“But don’t worry, I promise I won’t hurt you too bad.” He could see her shift, her arm moving, but he couldn’t see anything beyond that. From the way Chan-yeol and Hong-bin reacted, he could only guess she touched him. “I have to hurt you to pacify them, but I promise it won’t be too bad. You’re Hyukkie, so I’ll never be able to really hurt you.”  
  
“Stop it Saet-byul. You’re scaring him.” Everyone froze, too afraid to move when she turned her head to Taek-woon, her hand still outstretched into Sang-hyuk’s cage. Taek-woon coolly held her gaze, his unchained hands clenched into fists by his sides. Very slowly she stood up, her face carefully crafted into one of pure apathy, coming to stop right in front of him. Ken didn’t know how he could stand there so easily, just the sight of her sending shivers of dread running down his spine.  
  
She smiled, her lips pulling back to show her teeth. “Did you finally wake up Taek-woon oppa?”  
  
His frown deepened at the familiar way she addressed him, though he didn’t say anything. Instead, he said softly, “Won-shik…you need to move him. The failsafe-”  
  
“I know.” Taek-woon’s eyes widened, and she laughed at his reaction. “I know what it does to him. I left him in there on purpose. Will teach him to talk back to me.” She peeked around Taek-woon’s side, grinning excitedly. “Did you knock him out? I was hoping to see him beg me to let him go. Hopefully I’ll get to see it later.”  
  
Ken cried at the words that fell so easily from Saet-byul’s lips, couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Saet-byul…little star…please…”  
  
She purposefully ignored him, Taek-woon letting out a shaky breath. “Saet-byul, you can’t do this. This isn’t you…purposefully leaving Won-shik here so he will hurt himself, locking us down here—this isn’t you.”  
  
“Don’t you dare tell me what I am or am not. I’m so  _tired_ of everyone telling me what I am. That Saet-byul you’re all so fond of telling me about, the Saet-byul that you all think wouldn’t do this—she’s gone. She’s gone, just like her ridiculous hope of everything going back to the way it was. I’m going to bring N back whether he likes it or not, and I’m going to keep him with me forever. I’m not going to let any of you ever have the chance of keeping him from me again. And I’m going to keep all of you here too, to watch and see how everything that’s happening is  _all your fault.”_  
  
“Saet-byul, you can’t-”  
  
She slammed herself against the glass, her glare vicious as she all but growled out,  _“I only kept you alive because Hong-bin begged me to keep you from being a doll. But say one more word and I’ll splatter your blood all over the walls.”_  
  
“No!” Hong-bin shrieked, his hands clasped together as he hastily slammed his wrists down against the sharp glass. Ken covered his mouth to hold back a scream at the sight, watched as blood ran down the glass. He looked over to Chan-yeol and the other to see neither of them react, as if this was normal, and Ken couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that this was  _normal._ Hong-bin, when he saw no reaction from her, dug his wrists down even harder, whimpering at the pain. “Please don’t hurt Taek-woon hyung. B-Bin—Bin is sorry, Bin won’t do it again. P-please don’t-”  
  
Bin’s mouth snapped shut when Saet-byul suddenly walked over to him and knelt down so her face hovered close to his, her fingers reaching out and tickling his chin. She laughed. “Oh little Binnie, I don’t know what you’re doing, but cutting yourself up like that isn’t going to do anything.” Hong-bin’s face scrunched up in confusion, and she ruffled his hair. “But seeing you like that does make me happy. If you want…” She stood up, taking her time as she walked back over to the table in the middle of the room, pulling out what looked like a giant needle. She raised it up so they all could see, running her fingers over it lovingly, and Hong-bin’s face paled.  
  
“I can take care of it for you.”  
  
“Saet-byul, don’t-”  
  
In one swift motion, she dumped all of their dolls across the table, grabbing the nearest one and piercing it hard with the needle. Sang-hyuk  _screamed_ , and while Ken and Taek-woon were absolutely devastated at the sound, she didn’t seem to hear, grabbing the next one and stabbing it the same way. The one next to Chan-yeol screamed next, falling over and clutching his stomach, sobbing horribly.  
  
Saet-byul’s face steadily morphed one into furious exasperation, stabbing each doll one by one and throwing them to the floor. She growled angrily, each stab harder and harder, and Ken was barely able to register what happened when he felt a searing pain shoot through his chest, collapsing to the floor. For that split second he couldn’t see, hear, feel—the pain was overwhelming and he gasped in numbed shock.  
  
His ears were ringing as his hearing came back, the sound of Saet-byul screaming muffled.  _“What the hell is this? Where the hell is your doll?”_  
  
Ken rolled over, his body so tired and sore, to see Hong-bin bawling, his wrists still imbedded onto the glass as he watched Saet-byul. He looked over to see her throw the last doll to the ground, chucking the needle across the room in frustrated anger. She ran a hand through her ragged hair, tearing fiercely at it until she stalked back over to Hong-bin, grabbing his collar and yanking him up. Ken watched as the motion sliced open Hong-bin’s arms, blood pouring from the wounds. Hong-bin looked terrified, and all Ken could think of was Hong-bin’s embarrassed smile when he had offered to teach him a game for Hak-yeon.  
  
He had such a wonderful smile.  
  
 _“What is this? Where is your doll?”_ Saet-byul screeched, shaking him.  
  
“N-no doll, never—she didn’t—she liked! She liked—Bin hurting…d-doll hiding. Doll hidden, she never liked—liked watching-” Hong-bin was shaking so badly, his arms bleeding so much. Saet-byul’s hand grabbed a clump of Hong-bin’s hair, yanking and pulling hard, forcing him to look up at her. His eyes were so wide, so innocent, so scarred, so afraid—Ken had always known Hong-bin had something terrible happen to him, that there must have been some reason Hak-yeon and Taek-woon had been so protective of him. He never would have thought it was because of something like this, that Hong-bin had grown up in something like this.  
  
“What are you-” Saet-byul suddenly threw Hong-bin back to the ground, backing away. She looked down at the dolls on the ground, mouth hanging open as if trying to form words. Hong-bin was still crying, cradling his bleeding arms. “Y-you…you’re not a doll.”  
  
He wished he could have given the world to Hong-bin.


	35. Chapter 35 {interlude}

_He remembered. The memory was foggy, dull and gloomy as if he was looking through frosted glass. The sky was a dull gray, the grass a bland green; he knew it was supposed to be a sunny summer afternoon, but he just couldn’t remember what everything looked like. He had run out to play; his mother was busy. She was always busy with his big brother. She forgot about him all the time, would only remember to get him when it was time for dinner. He brought his little soccer ball his father had given him before leaving forever. There were no other kids on the block, or maybe there were. He couldn’t remember anymore. He couldn’t remember the sounds or smells, the memory of him kicking the little ball around in the street a silent, tasteless memory._  
  
 _What he did remember was kicking the ball into the yard of the scary house all the big kids told him was haunted. He didn’t know what haunted meant, but when he saw all the kids too scared to go near it, he knew it was bad. He was scared to go get his ball, but that was the only gift he ever got from his daddy. He tentatively stepped onto the mushy, bland green grass, checking the windows every couple seconds as he quickly ran over to go get his ball._  
  
 _He had just picked up the ball when the door opened, and he remembered dropping it in shock. The ball squished at his feet—it had rained the night before, so the ground was squishy and muddy from the rain. The mud splashed his sneakers, and when the woman at the door smiled down at him he fell on his butt in fear. The big kids had said she was a witch and a ghost, that she ate little kids like him for dinner. He trembled when she walked towards him, his legs feeling like jelly. When she stopped in front of him, he quickly grabbed the ball and clutched it to his chest._  
  
 _His daddy had given that to him. He wouldn’t let any mean witch take it from him._  
  
 _“Are you lost, little one?” she asked, and when she was up close he saw that she looked like his mother. She was very pretty. He always thought his mother was pretty. When he didn’t answer, her eyes trailed down to the ball in his hands, and he gripped it closer to his chest. He wouldn’t let her touch it. She chuckled. “Is that your ball?”_  
  
 _“Y-yes,” he snapped, trying to sound manly and tough like his big brother, though all he managed to do was squeak like a mouse. She smiled again, tilting her head as she looked him up and down._  
  
 _“You’re getting yourself all dirty sitting in the mud like that. Why don’t you come inside and clean off? I have some cookies that I made for my daughter. You can have some.”_  
  
 _“M-my mommy says I shouldn’t go near strangers.”_  
  
 _Her smile widened, and it was the one thing that was bright and clear in his otherwise foggy memory. Compared to the dull, gloomy color that covered everything, her smile was so bright and prominent. “But look at yourself, you’re so dirty. You don’t want your mommy to see you like this.” He looked down at himself and saw his white pants painted with mud, and he just knew his mother would be so mad at him. She hated when he did anything outside and got dirty, yelling at him for making her clean his clothes. He looked up at the witch lady, his chubby little fingers squeezing his precious ball._  
  
 _His daddy used to take him out for ice-cream when his mother yelled at him. He wished his daddy was here now._  
  
 _“O-okay,” he said eventually, letting the witch lady help him up. She held him by the hand as she led him inside the house, and he turned his head to look outside one last time. He never knew that would be the last time he would see the outside, the last time he would feel the sun shine on him and feel the wetness of the grass on his skin. He wished his memory was clearer, so he could feel that again._  
  
  
 _“What’s your name?” she asked as she placed a plate of cookies down in front of him, smiling still as she pulled off his pants to wash them. He nibbled on a cookie as he held the ball in his lap, his cheeks flushed._  
  
 _“Lee Hong-bin.”_  
  
 _“Well, hello Hong-binnie. How old are you?”_  
  
 _“I’m four.” She looked up at him and smiled again, and he liked her smiles. His mother didn’t smile much, was always so busy with his brother. She smiled at his brother. Not him._  
  
 _“My daughter is two, you’re pretty close to her age. Why don’t you play with her? You can go to her room.” His stomach didn’t feel so good at the sound of that, the cookie in his hand suddenly not so good anymore. He clenched his toes, his feet unable to reach the floor, as he wondered how to leave. She still had his pants, and he was scared of saying anything bad to the witch lady. Even if she smiled, he remembered all the bad things the big kids said._  
  
 _“I…I want to go home.”_  
  
 _Her smile vanished, and he dropped his cookie at the sight. “What do you mean you want to go home? You just got here. You haven’t even seen my daughter yet. Where do you think you’re going?”_  
  
 _“I want to go home,” he repeated, starting to cry at how scared he was getting. The witch lady stood up and threw his pants to the floor, stalking over to him and grabbing his arm and yanking him to his feet. The sudden movement shook him and his ball flew out of his hands. He cried out as he tried to grab it, but she held him so tightly he couldn’t. He was crying, begging her to let him go, and he had no idea that this would be something he would be doing for the rest of his life._  
  
 _“I said, you’re going to play with my daughter.” She started dragging him down the hall, and even though he scratched at her hand and screamed, she wouldn’t let go. She opened a door at the end of the hallway, and he could see a little girl sitting on the bed. She sat up at the sound of them coming in, her big eyes looking at him curiously. He hushed up immediately, suddenly embarrassed to have the girl looking at him crying without pants._  
  
 _“This is my daughter, Saet-byul,” the witch lady said, pushing him forward, her voice nice again. “Play with her.”_  
  
 _“I don’t want to,” he whimpered._  
  
 _She spanked him hard at his retort, pulled him forward until he stood right in front of the girl. Saet-byul blinked at him, unafraid as she watched him. He was crying still, gasping in between sobs, and the witch lady shoved his head roughly._  
  
 _He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, remembered how Saet-byul just sat there and watched him. The witch lady stood behind him, waited, snapping at him to play—he didn’t know what he was supposed to play! Eventually Saet-byul moved, reached her hand out curiously to touch his cheek. He reacted, did the only thing he could think of._  
  
 _He slapped her hand away._  
  
 _She started crying, her eyes filling with tears as her big cheeks puffed up. The witch lady screamed, slapping his head so hard his neck snapped forward and he banged his head against the bed. “How dare you hit her! How dare you even touch her! You unworthy child!”_  
  
 _“I’m sorry!” he cried, his whole head spinning and he just wanted his daddy._  
  
 _“You useless child, I should have known better-” Saet-byul was still crying, her sobs so loud, and as the witch lady dragged him to the basement, Saet-byul’s cries were the only thing he could hear in his head._  
  
  
 _She took him down to the basement and threw him in a cage, the whole front glass shattered with only sharp fragments sticking up. He cried, cried so loud, and nearly jumped out of his skin when something moved in the corner, a man’s wide eyes watching him. At the sight of the strange, scary man, his mouth shut tight, trembling when the man moved forward to get a look at him._  
  
 _The witch lady laughed. “Hello there, nice to see you too. I’ve brought you a friend.”_  
  
 _The man crawled forward enough until the chains on his back pulled tight, his hand reaching forward to push his hair away from his face. Immediately his face twisted into a snarl, pulling him into a protective hug as he glared viciously at the witch lady. “The fuck Eun-ji– this is a fucking child! Are you kidnapping children now? Dear god, tell me you didn’t do this to him too. Tell me you didn’t turn this little boy into a doll!”_  
  
 _She scoffed, smirking down at them with her terrible gaze. He clung onto the man’s chest desperately, ignored how he smelled horribly like blood and sweat. “Calm down, he’s not a doll. I don’t know what I was thinking. You dolls are always so ineffective, I guess I thought that if I grabbed one Saet-byul’s age it would work. But the little shit hit her-” her voice grew hard, her hands gripping the bars of the cage so tight her knuckles turned white, “-he’s lucky I don’t snap his pathetic little neck right now.”_  
  
 _“Don’t you even dare,” the man snarled, turning slightly to try and hide him from her. “Don’t you dare touch this child.”_  
  
 _A wide grin grew on her face, her hands relaxing until she pulled away, seemingly in thought. “Alright then, I’ll leave the little beast alone...and I’ll just kill you instead.” The air was so thick, the whole world slowing and the only thing he could see was her slowly walking over to the table in the middle of the room. This memory, he remembered it so well. He could remember every sight, every sound, every smell– he could remember the way the man clung to him, his scent so thick with blood. He remembered the sound of her feet clicking against the cement floor, the light above shining to make her shine like a goddess. The click of the box as she opened it, the sound of metal scrapping as she pulled out a giant needle, the sound of the others in their cages coming out to watch, the feel of the man’s fingers tightening around him– he watched in fascination as she picked up a doll, ran the needle over its body playfully. The man shuddered against him, his hold even tighter, and for just a second, as she lifted the needle up higher and higher, the world stopped._  
  
 _The sight of her eyes staring straight at him is something he would never, ever forget._  
  
 _And then she stabbed the doll, stabbed it straight into the table, and the sound the man gave was so terrible and blood-curdling. The man shoved him away, withered on the ground as she stabbed him over and over– laughing._  
  
 _“Do you see this, little Hong-bin? This is your fault, because of you my precious doll has to be hurt. Do you see what you did?”_  
  
 _“Stop it Eun-ji!” someone else cried, shaking his chains. She didn’t listen, used her fingers as she ran her nails down its body. Large welts appeared all over the man’s arms and legs; he rolled around in pain, thrashing and screaming, and he covered his face to hide. His fault– this man tried to save him and now he was being hurt because of him._  
  
 _“This is all your fault! You did this! Look at what you did!”_  
  
 _“I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” he yelled as loud as he could, blinking when the man’s screams and the witch lady’s laughs abruptly stopped. It was so quiet, the man gasping and coughing as he lay on the ground, his chest heaving. And then she laughed, a different laugh, was so excited at the sound of his pleading. It wasn’t until years later that he found out it absolutely delighted her when he would cut and hurt himself._  
  
  
 _As the years passed, he forgot what his life was like outside of the basement. He forgot that there was a thing called the sky, what grass was, what a smile was. He couldn’t remember what his family looked like, if he even had a family– sometimes he wondered if he was born here. The man that shared the cell with him, his name was Joong. Joong tried his best to protect him, would willingly protect him whenever she wanted to hurt him. It was when he one day swiped at her and hit her that she called his name, called him and forced him to become a true doll._  
  
 _She eventually killed him._  
  
 _Chun-pyeo was his next cellmate, and it was when she would torture him that he realized he could cut himself on the glass to make her happy. She called him Bin then, came over and stroked his head. Cute little Binnie, she would call him. He asked Chun-pyeo if Bin was his name, he didn’t remember, and he remembered the sad, pitiful look the other sent him. He wondered why, didn’t understand. He still doesn’t understand._  
  
 _Chun-pyeo made an effort to call him Bin whenever he could, told Bin to say it as much as he could so he would never forget. Bin. Bin Bin Bin Bin– he said it so much that everyone started calling him it, so that no one would let him forget. He liked the sound; it was his. Bin was his name, his name alone. He wouldn’t let her take it from him. He had always wanted a name, but she would never give him one. Said he didn’t deserve one._  
  
 _Chun-pyeo was a daddy, he said. Had a little girl that was a few years younger than Bin, not that Bin would know. Bin didn’t know how old he was. Whenever she wasn’t there, he would rip off a piece of his shirt and wrap up Bin’s arms. He tried to tell Bin not to cut himself, that he shouldn’t hurt himself like this, but Bin had to. It was Bin’s fault; she would punish dolls because Bin was bad. Bin was never really sure what he did wrong, he just knew he was. She once said that his entire existence was wrong, that just being there was enough for her to kill every one of her dolls. But then she would shush him when he cried, would wipe his tears and squish his cheeks; she would tell Bin that he was her precious little Binnie. She loved the terrified look on his face, said he looked the most beautiful when he cried, would tell him how happy it made her to see him hurting. It confused him, he never knew when she was angry or happy to see him, when she wanted him in pain or healing; he could only believe what he could understand._  
  
 _So even though Chun-pyeo and the other dolls told him she was wrong, and that Bin did nothing wrong, he still cut himself and begged to stop her._  
  
 _Chun-pyeo would tell him stories, would rock him in his arms and sing him songs. Bin one time asked if his daddy ever sang to him, and Chun-pyeo smiled down at him and said of course. Of course Bin’s daddy would have sung to him. Bin’s daddy must have loved him a lot, and must be so sad that he disappeared. Bin wasn’t so sure, wasn’t so sure he believed that, but he liked to pretend. He sometimes liked to pretend Chun-pyeo was his daddy._  
  
 _The other dolls liked to talk to him too, would tell him stories of the outside world. Would tell him about things that Bin would have liked; amusement parks, cotton candy, the beach– they liked to tell him things. He was always so fascinated with it, but he never knew how to imagine what it was supposed to look like. So he could only listen._  
  
 _But one day Chun-pyeo grew sick, his voice gone and couldn’t sing him songs. He could barely hold Bin. The others told him he had to do something, that there must be something in her torture box that could help. They really didn’t care whether Chun-pyeo died or not, but they didn’t like seeing Bin cry. So, even though Bin was terrified and his legs felt like jelly as he stood up, he crawled over the broken glass and ran over to the torture box. The others tried to help, told him what to look for, but Bin couldn’t read. He couldn’t read the bottles or see what they were._  
  
 _She found him like that, came downstairs to see bottles of pills in his hands. He had never seen her so angry than then. She beat him so badly he couldn’t see for weeks, his body so tired and sore. She broke Chun-pyeo, did something to him so he didn’t talk anymore. She moved him to a new cage. She choked Bin, beat him so badly and said how bad he was, that there was no way he could ever make up for what he did. She was so angry she pierced holes in his back and strung him up like everyone else. It hurt so, so bad. He cried and cried, couldn’t reach the glass anymore to beg._  
  
 _The others were so sorry, tried to apologize to Bin for making him do that. But it didn’t matter what Bin said– it was Bin’s fault she broke Chun-pyeo, his fault that she chained him, his fault that she was always so angry. He stayed far away from his cellmates after that, wouldn’t talk to them. The only time he spoke would be to beg and cry. She eventually made his chains longer so he could reach the glass. She liked seeing him hurt himself, loved seeing the blood that would run down his arms. Soon it didn’t even hurt anymore, was just a reflex, something he did. When the others started appearing– Jong-in first, then Kyung-soo, Chan-yeol, Baek-hyun, Joon-myeon...they would tell him not to. Told him they could handle whatever she did to them._  
  
 _But Bin didn’t stop._  
  
 _He didn’t stop until Seok-jin._  
  
  
 _Seok-jin cursed a lot. That was the first thing he thought when his newest cellmate woke up, shouting and confused until he saw Bin. He yelled at Bin at first, cursed at him as he asked where he was. The others defended him, scolded him viciously for yelling at Bin. Bin didn’t answer, didn’t know how to answer, and just stared at him. But Bin wasn’t able to say anything to him, Seok-jin was special, would be taken up to see Saet-byul. It wasn’t until Seok-jin came back down cursing and angry about seeing Hak-yeon upstairs that he talked to Bin._  
  
 _“Hak-yeon hyung doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be something as fucked up as this.”_  
  
 _Bin was curious, was so curious about this Hak-yeon that Seok-jin always talked about. His brother. He didn’t know what a brother was, but it sounded amazing. “H-Hak-yeon hyung...” he stuttered out, the first thing he ever said to Seok-jin, his voice hoarse and rough, “W-what is Hak-yeon h-hyung like?”_  
  
 _Seok-jin paused, and then smiled, looking so happy to be able to tell someone about Hak-yeon. He told Bin everything, about how much of a pain in the ass Hak-yeon was, how he always nagged him and talked about how terrible Seok-jin’s friends were. Seok-jin went on and on about how annoying he was, how he hated him and wished he would just leave him alone. Ignore Seok-jin so that he could run away and leave his old life behind without regrets. Bin frowned, feeling from the way Seok-jin spoke that Hak-yeon was not a good person. But then Seok-jin smiled, a smile he hadn’t seen since Chun-pyeo would rock and sing him to sleep._  
  
 _But Hak-yeon would make sure he came home safely, would always have dinner ready for him when their mother was out working late. Hak-yeon would always ask how he was, make sure to spend time with him, make sure he felt loved. Seok-jin shared a secret with him, told Bin that he really loved Hak-yeon back and wished he had said it before all this happened._  
  
 _“I...really do love him,” Seok-jin whispered, eyes full of tears. “He’s so bright and happy, so positive; she’s going to break him and I can’t do anything to help.” Seok-jin wasn’t chained, would sit next to Bin, would lean on Bin, and Bin would always listen. Bin liked to listen, secretly liked to hear about this Hak-yeon. He liked to imagine Hak-yeon was his brother, whenever Seok-jin was asleep he would secretly whisper Hak-yeon’s name on his lips. He liked the way it sounded. He liked to imagine Hak-yeon as someone so big and tall and strong, would come and wrap his arms around Bin like Chun-pyeo used to and protect him. Would protect him like he protected Seok-jin._  
  
 _Seok-jin realized Bin liked listening about Hak-yeon, would love to tell him stories. The others would listen sometimes but mostly it was just them. He would tell stories about how Hak-yeon would burst in right before a gang fight to drag him away, of catching him when he tried to skip school and bringing him out to secretly eat ice-cream, of laying across Seok-jin’s bed and complaining about his day, begging for sympathy. He told Bin about putting hair dye in Hak-yeon’s shampoo so it turned gray, about how Hak-yeon only tackled him on the bed and tickled him instead of being angry. As Bin listened, Hak-yeon just seemed more and more amazing. He wanted Hak-yeon, wished he could be Seok-jin and have someone like Hak-yeon._  
  
  
 _“Oh Bing bong, what did you do to yourself?” Seok-jin asked when he came back down, his eyes focused on the chains in Bin’s back and how torn up the surrounding skin was. Bin didn’t care about that, was so happy to see Seok-jin again. She had taken him upstairs and didn’t him bring him down for a long time, and Bin had been scared she killed him. Bin had been so worried, tried to climb out of his cage to save him even though it tore and hurt his back so bad._  
  
 _Seok-jin went to Bin’s side and poked at the swollen tissue, sighing as he worked to clean off the dried blood. “What did I tell you about hurting yourself?”_  
  
 _“B-Bin was scared,” he said, trying to turn around to look at Seok-jin, though the other held him fast. “B-Bin thought...Bin thought-” he stopped when Seok-jin placed his hands on Bin’s shoulders, started to gently massage his neck and shoulders. He continued, his voice lower as a small moan escaped his lips. “Bin thought she killed Seok-jin.”_  
  
 _“No, she didn’t kill me,” he said, his thumb pressing into Bin’s back. He shivered; it felt so good. “She had to go somewhere, so she brought me up to keep Hak-yeon hyung and Saet-byul company.”_  
  
 _Bin whirled around in surprise, asking excitedly, “You saw Hak-yeon hyung?”_  
  
 _“Yes,” he laughed, shifting him back so he could continue to massage his shoulders. “They go to school now though, so I sat by myself a lot. I wish I could have come back down, I don’t like leaving you here alone.” Bin looked back to see Seok-jin looking so upset, and he felt bad for making Seok-jin unhappy. Seok-jin noticed. “Hey, it’s not your fault Bing bong,” he said sternly, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Saet-byul hurt hyung, but he went crawling back to her because of that fucking doll. I can see him changing, but I can’t say anything.”_  
  
 _“I’m sorry,” Bin apologized, rubbing his wrists. He was too far from the glass, couldn’t cut himself to make Seok-jin feel better._  
  
 _“Stop that,” Seok-jin reprimanded, ripping Bin’s hands apart. “I told you not to do that anymore. But it’s okay, I’m going to protect Hak-yeon hyung. I’ll do whatever I can to keep him from being whatever doll he’s supposed to be.” He didn’t say anything for a long while, his face so serious, when suddenly he dropped his hands to Bin’s sides, tickling him until Bin snorted with laughter. “Hey, do you wanna hear where we went while I was up?”_  
  
  
 _He liked Seok-jin. Bin really, really liked Seok-jin. Bin didn’t know what he had done for her to punish Seok-jin, to take him away and never bring him back. But one day she took Seok-jin up and never brought him back down. If Bin had known, he would have said goodbye, would have told Seok-jin how much he liked him. He would have said something so that Seok-jin’s last words to him weren’t, ‘I’ll be back soon, Bing bong.”_  
  
  
 _Hak-yeon was every bit as amazing as Seok-jin said he was. Hak-yeon protected him when she tried to hurt Bin, would smile and reassure Bin even when she punched holes down his arms and strung him up. Bin cried harder than he ever did then, did whatever he could to help Hak-yeon. It didn’t work, she hated Hak-yeon and was going to kill him, and no matter how much Bin cried she didn’t care. Even then Hak-yeon would say things to make Bin feel better, would smile and reassure him and tell him not to worry. Bin loved Hak-yeon, craved his smiles and the sound of his voice. Every time he woke up from nightmares Hak-yeon would hug him the best he could, his arms bleeding whenever he tried to move them too much._  
  
 _Bin loved Hak-yeon so, so much._  
  
 _He clung onto Hak-yeon the moment they were free, never wanting to let him go. When Hak-yeon was sick in bed healing, Bin protected him, wouldn’t let anyone come close. No one was allowed to touch or talk to him, no one could even look at him. Hak-yeon became the only one in Bin’s life, the only one Bin wanted and loved, the only one Bin would follow wherever he went. He wanted to live with Hak-yeon alone, away from the world where no one could hurt Hak-yeon and they would be safe. He didn’t want to stay with Taek-woon, hated being with parents, never understanding what parents were—but Hak-yeon wanted to, so Bin followed._  
  
 _When Hak-yeon started getting sick and quiet, Bin did his best to protect him, would keep Taek-woon away. Even then Hak-yeon still protected him, still loved him, and Bin was the happiest he had ever been._  
  
 _But then everything became confusing. When Hak-yeon started having times when he would scream and be in so much pain and would push Bin away, Taek-woon would take care of Bin. He would take care of Bin like Hak-yeon did, was so strong and quiet and soft. Bin didn’t like it at first, it confused him. But one day he found himself so happy to see Taek-woon, would love his hugs too, wanted to be just like him for Hak-yeon. Soon he had friends, the word still weird on his lips and hard to understand. Jae-hwan announced that they were friends, that he and Won-shik were Bin’s friends. He would teach Bin games and play with him, would smile and say things that would make Bin laugh._  
  
 _Bin had been so happy._  
  
 _Looking back, that happy time felt almost like a dream, like a long dream after he lost a lot of blood and was sleepy all the time. He had never really known what happy was, was only just starting to learn it when he lived with Hak-yeon and Taek-woon. Bin had miserable for so long, had only known pain and fear for so long, that when he ended up back in the basement, he wasn’t confused. He wasn’t surprised. He expected it. Being hated, being blamed, it was something he understood, something he knew._  
  
 _He was always hated, always blamed._  
  
 _It was always his fault._  
  
  
 _“You’re not a doll.”_  
  
 _Bin wanted to be confused, wanted to cry out how he had to be a doll, how he had been locked up here for so long that he just had to be. Everyone was a doll. He had to be a doll. But he wasn’t. In his cloudy, muddled mind that refused to understand anything, that was clear. He wasn’t a doll._  
  
 _It actually made sense to Bin. She never touched his doll, never showed it or laughed at him as she tore it apart. She only made him watch, only hit him when he was bad. He couldn’t remember her ever making one for him, despite having so many times to take his hair and collect the blood he always willingly spilt. But then he couldn’t remember a lot of things. He had always just assumed he was one, that that had to be the reason why she kept him locked up and enjoyed torturing the others in front of him._  
  
 _So when everyone stared at him in shock, when Jae-hwan started crying and Saet-byul screamed in frustration, he just sat there calmly, nursing his throbbing, cold arms. He wasn’t a doll._  
  
 _He was just Bin._  
  
 _There was nothing wrong with him loving Hak-yeon, loving Taek-woon, of being friends with Jae-hwan, Won-shik, or even Sang-hyuk. He could love whoever Bin wanted, could do whatever Bin wanted—they never could tell Bin what he could do. He thought back to Chun-pyeo, to Seok-jin, to Hak-yeon; he shivered. He wasn’t a doll. He wasn’t owned. He didn’t belong to anyone. He didn’t belong to_ her _, to Saet-byul, or to anyone._  
  
 _He was just Bin._


	36. Chapter 36

Hak-yeon curled up despondently on Taek-woon’s bed, clutching the pillow desperately against his chest as he buried his face deep into the fabric. It held Taek-woon’s scent so beautifully, every breath he took feeling as if Taek-woon was still here, still safe and still alive. As his tears slowly soaked into the pillow, he pulled the blankets closer on himself, almost imagining his little Hong-bin curled up beside him. His baby Binnie, he missed him terribly. Missed both of them so, so much.  
  
He couldn’t protect anyone. He promised so much, promised Taek-woon he would come back, promised Hong-bin he would never let anything happen to him again, promised that he would never leave them alone…and he broke every single one of them. He should have gone home, should have went home instead of letting Chan-yeol talk him into staying the night. He should have taken his Taek-woonie and Hong-binnie and run far away. But again,  _again_ he had done nothing and let the world continue around him as he merely watched from the side. If they were really gone…if Saet-byul really killed them like she said she did… He buried his face into the pillow again and took a deep breath, let his lungs be filled with the reassuring, sweet scent of Taek-woon.  
  
If she really did take the only things he cared for in this world away, Hak-yeon would follow right behind them.  
  
He didn’t know how long he laid there clutching that pillow, his mind filled with only harrowing possibilities of what she could possibly have done to his Taek-woon and Hong-bin, each passing second filling him with only more and more hopelessness. He had provoked her, pushed her over her limits and ignited in her the deep desire to kill everyone to keep him. To have him _. To own him._  He had made her this way, had made her into the monster she had become. The monster he knew she had tried so hard to avoid.  
  
He thought he heard the sound of a phone ringing, but he couldn’t even lift his head, his hands refusing to pull away the pillow. He couldn’t bear to part with the one thing that still reminded him of his Taek-woonie. He  _couldn’t._ Eventually the ringing went away, and he was just about to close his eyes and try to sleep when the ringing came again, this time louder. Whimpering, he tucked the pillow under his chin as he blindly reached out to the nightstand for the phone, never registering that it was Taek-woon’s phone that was ringing. It wasn’t until he looked at the screen to see his own name that he shot up in shock, answering the call and bringing it up to his ear in one quick motion.  
  
“T-Taek-woon-”  
  
 _“H-Hak-yeon hyung?”_ Hak-yeon felt his heart stop at the broken sound of Hong-bin’s voice, gasping at what could possibly have happened to his baby that he sounded like that.  
  
“B-Binnie,” he stuttered out, shaking as he fought to keep his voice steady, to appear calm and reassuring for his little Binnie. He could hear Hong-bin crying on the other end, Hak-yeon’s name the only coherent thing he could hear, and Hak-yeon panicked. “Binnie, don’t cry. Hak-yeon hyung is here. I’m right here. Are you okay? Where are you? I’ll come right there-”  
  
 _“Hak-yeon hyung-”_  
  
 _“N?”_  another voice interrupted, and he felt his blood run cold at the sound. That voice had at one time filled him with nothing but warmth, had belonged to a person he had cared for deeply. But that meant nothing now, not when that voice was the reason for Hong-bin crying. Saet-byul continued.  _“N, are you there?”_  
  
“Saet-byul, where are you? Where did you take them?”  
  
 _“Come home N,”_  she continued, ignoring his questions.  _“I miss you so much. I haven’t been here in so long, it feels so empty here without you."_  
  
He struggled not to yell right there, was afraid that any wrong move would cause her to hang up. He couldn't afford that, couldn't afford losing his only connection to finding Hong-bin. "Saet-byul...where are you? Hong-bin...did you hurt him?"  
  
 _"I'm at home, N,"_ she said sweetly, her voice so soft and soothing, and Hak-yeon wanted to cry.  _"I've gone home. You'll come back, right? It's so nice and warm here, I'll even start a fire. You remember the fires my mother used to have? You used to hug me by the fire to keep me warm, you remember that, don't you?"_  
  
He broke into a cold sweat as goosebumps ran across his skin, his heart pounding dangerously against his chest. Home...that wasn't her apartment. That wasn't Taek-woon's apartment. It wasn't anywhere in Seoul. Home...his whole body shivered at the thought of that one house that held so many terrible memories, memories that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He couldn't...he couldn't...no...that house...those memories... _he couldn’t._  
  
 _"N? Are you still there? You'll come home won't you? We're all waiting to see you, don't you want to-" s_ he grunted as she slammed something hard down, a scream that sounded terrifyingly similar to Jae-hwan in the background, " _-come see us?"_  
  
"Saet-byul! Who do you have there? What did you do? Saet-byul, please let them go!"  
  
 _"Come back home, N,"_ she continued on, still purposefully ignoring him.  _"Don't make me wait. I'm not sure you want to leave them all alone here, do you?"_ Jae-hwan screamed again, Hong-bin's pleading so loud in Hak-yeon's ear, and Hak-yeon hurriedly scrambled to his feet as he ran out the door.  _No_ , he would never leave any of them there alone. Nothing mattered other than keeping them safe, of saving them and keeping them far away from dolls and everything of its kind. He didn't care how terrified he was of that house, how his every pore was filled with terror at the idea of going back. He had already failed everyone one too many times, had allowed his fears and weaknesses to stop him from protecting the ones he loved.  
  
He wouldn’t let it happen again.  
  
 _Not this time._  
  
He was hit with a wave of nostalgia and growing dread as he boarded the bus he and Saet-byul used to take every day years ago. He shivered at the amount of people crowded onto the bus, shriveled and shook as people pressed up against him. He eventually slipped into one of the back seats, pressed himself against the wall and tried to make himself as small as possible. His eyes trailed down as his arms wrapped around himself, remembering how he used to let little Saet-byul sit on his lap, how she used to lean against him and sleep, her face so peaceful and happy. How...why did it become like this? When he had seen her in the coffee shop, holding a job and looking so bright and beautiful, he had been so proud of what she had become.  
  
 _How had she changed so fast, to so quickly crumble and become an exact replica of her mother?_  
  
 _How could he have let that happen?_  
  
  
His legs shook as he stood in front of the house, the seemingly quaint, little home a stark contrast to the horror it filled him with. The air was so cold, his body shaking despite the sun shining warmly over him. Every part of his body screamed at him to run away, to hide away from the terrible memories that bombarded him, to hide from the place where he had killed his brother. He tried to take a step forward, but found his feet frozen, his fingers trembling as he pulled at his sleeves. Seok-jin had died here; he had been tortured here, his body ripped apart and sewn together, his blood spilling yet unable to die. He couldn't...he just couldn't...he couldn’t go back. H-he...he had to think of another way, a way for her to bring them out or something but he just  _couldn't_ go back. He couldn't-  
  
"N!" He jumped, his arms instinctively wrapping protectively around himself, to see Saet-byul running towards him, jumping on him in a hug. She was smiling so widely, her eyes shining. "You came back! I knew you would!"  
  
"S-S-Saet-byul," he stammered, his teeth chattering as his eyes refused to look away from the house. "I-I can't...please don't make me go in there... somewhere else...anywhere else...please..."  
  
"But this is where we first met," she trilled, forcibly ripping his hand away and holding it in her own. She ran her thumbs over his fingers, bringing them to her cheek. "Everything we did together was here, don't you remember?" She tried to pull him inside but he refused, pulling back and whimpering. He had never wanted to cry in front of her, always trying his best to be her protector and caring for her, but he couldn't stop himself. The anxiety he was trying his damn hardest to keep inside was quickly billowing out, causing his breath to quicken and his eyes to water. No, no no no no no  _no—_ Saet-byul's smile vanished as her hand tightened viciously, yanking him forward.  
  
"Come on, N," she grounded out, "we should go inside. I made us dinner, don't you want to eat? I'm sure you're hungry."  
  
"I-I can't— Saet-byul I  _can't._ Please, don't make me go in there. I can't-"  
  
"I've been waiting years for you to come back, and now that I have you here, I'm not going to let you run away because you're  _scared_. Don't make me hurt anyone to get you inside."  
  
He froze at that, eyes wide, breath short. "Y-you...who do you have? Where are they? Do you...do you have them in the basement?"  
  
"I'll tell you later. We should eat first. I'm sure you're hungry and I worked so hard to make this for you." At the thought of his little Binnie chained to the wall, of Jae-hwan or Won-shik or  _Taek-woon_ strung up and dying _,_ his feet finally moved, mechanically following her. He couldn't,  _wouldn't_ be the reason anyone was hurt again. Too many people were hurt because of him,  _died_ because of him. Not again.  
  
When they stepped inside, the main room was lit by a small fire, the heat making the air near stifling. His eyes honed in on an old scorch mark by the fireside, and he swallowed heavily, tears in his eyes, as he imagined his baby brother lying there, burning to death. Saet-byul noticed him staring and quickly pulled him along, sitting him down at the table where a meager spread of chicken and side dishes was laid out. She excitedly handed him a pair of chopsticks, helping him settle before sitting across from him.  
  
“I asked Taek-woon to help me cook this,” she said conversationally, though his head snapped up at the sound of Taek-woon’s name. “I asked him for your favorite food, but I didn’t have much food to cook with. I’ll make it next time.”  
  
“Taek-woon…d-do you have Taek-woon here too?” His voice cracked at the end of his question, the chopsticks in his hand shaking.  
  
She glared, chopsticks pausing in her mouth. “Eat first N. I won’t answer any questions until you’ve finished your dinner.” He watched her continue to eat for a few more minutes before finally starting to eat, each bite tasting like paper. How could he be sitting here eating when they were downstairs, possibly starving or dying? He was barely able to eat anything, Saet-byul looking at him disappointedly as she moved to put the food away.  
  
"Can we go see them now?" he asked pitifully, staring at her pleadingly as she washed the dishes.  
  
"You just got here," she laughed without looking at him. "Why would you want to go right away? You should rest. The fire's going, we could-"  
  
"Saet-byul, you said we'll go after eating. We've eaten, I want to go see them."  
  
"You don't get a say in anything!" she snarled, chucking the bowl into the sink as she whirled around to glare at him. "You ruined it, not eating anything! I want to enjoy you being here but the more you ask about them the angrier it makes me! They'll be there regardless if you go now or later." He didn't dare open his mouth again as she visibly tried to control herself, taking deep breaths before pushing her frayed hair behind her ears, smiling again. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. Here, let's go sit by the fire for a while."  
  
She bounded over and took his hands in hers, her hands still covered in soap and water, and led him over to the fire, sitting him down in her mother's old chair. She wasted no time jumping in his lap, wrapping his arms around her as she leaned back comfortably into his chest. He glanced down at her and saw her close her eyes, and for a second it was as if these past few years had never happened, that the girl in his arms was the same little Byullie he had loved. He reached up and tenderly pushed some loose strands of her hair from her face and she smiled up at him.  
  
"I love you N," she murmured, pressing her cheek against his chest. "I love you so much."  
  
As those words fell from her lips, a sense of calm descended over them, all other thoughts fading to the back excesses of his mind. He smiled down at her as he pulled her closer to him, kissing the top of her head and stroking her hair sweetly. She reached over and took his one hand, putting it under her cheek so she could rest against it. As he watched her slowly fall asleep in her arms, he felt a sudden, fervent urge to protect her, to keep her safe and let nothing ever harm her. His hold on her tightened, and she grimaced.  
  
"N, you're holding a little too tight," she whined, still smiling, and he took a long breath as he loosened his hold. She looked up at him. "This was all I ever wanted, just for you to come back. I...I don't care anymore what it will do to you if you stay with me. I just want you here with me."  
  
He didn't quite understand what she meant, but he agreed all the same, nodding silently.  
  
"I'll figure out a way to stop you from losing yourself, to stay my beautiful N forever."  
  
Again he nodded, found he could think of nothing to say against her. Everything she said was correct, was absolute.  
  
She sighed contently as she closed her eyes again, still holding his hand as her thumbs ran sleepily over his fingers. “I love you so, so much N. Everything about you…I love it all so much.”  
  
“I love you too,” he breathed, and her smile widened.  
  
“We can live together…just the two of us. We don’t need anyone else. Just you and me…far away where no one could find us.” He twitched, trying to figure out why her saying that was causing his stomach to churn, his heart to clench painfully in his chest. “We can stay here if you want, my room is still the same. We could sleep there again, you and me.” Something was wrong. There was something wrong with what she was saying. He just couldn’t figure it out. Why, what was wrong?  
  
“After a while, we could run away. Depending on how we feel, we could either let them go or leave them there. I actually don’t mind leaving them, that way they’ll never find us. It makes me sad that I would never be able to hear someone say your name again, since I can’t say it, but it’ll be okay. Once I free you, I’ll be able to say your name all the time.”  
  
“M-my…name…” he breathed, unable to figure out why it was so hard to move his tongue, to speak.  
  
She quickly shushed him with a finger to his lips, grimacing. “I absolutely hate that that annoying Hong-bin can say your name all he wants, but I can’t. I-”  
  
“Hong-bin!” he shouted breathily, his mind suddenly clear as he quickly shoved her off his lap, gasping. He took long, shaky breaths as he realized that for a good moment there, he had completely forgotten the others, forgotten his Taek-woonie and Hong-binnie locked in the basement. For a moment he had forgotten everything other than Saet-byul. As she sat back up, looking at him confusedly, he stared back in disbelief. Had she done that on purpose, make him forget everything? Was that what she had been doing?  
  
“Saet-byul…” he whispered, the hurt palpable in his voice, “you… what did you do to me…? I…”  
  
“I didn’t do anything. I would never do anything to hurt you, N.”  
  
“Bring me to Hong-bin,” He lowered his gaze, unable to even look at her anymore. He could hear growl, raising her voice as she started to protest, but he cut her off. “Saet-byul. Bring me to Hong-bin.  _Now_.”  
  
She hesitated, staying still and silent for so long he looked back up at her, stunned at the blank way she stared at him. Then, very carefully, she pulled a doll out of her pocket, the thing so small and delicate. He had never seen a doll so small, couldn’t imagine whose it was; she reached over and took his hand, pulling him to his feet. “Is…that Hong-bin’s?” he asked, and the small smirk on her lips only confirmed his deepest fears. He wanted to rip it out of her hand, keep her far away from these things he no longer trusted her with.  
  
She brought him over to the door hidden in the corner of the room, had him wait in the same spot her mother had forced him to stand when she brought Seok-jin up. It took all his willpower to stand confidently as she unlocked the door, to not fall to the panic attack that was bubbling slowly inside. She held her hand out to him, waiting patiently for him to take her hand. Swallowing heavily and crushing his rising panic, he took her hand, let her lead him down the stairs.  
  
She stayed silent the entire time, saying nothing as she unlocked the door and swung it open, giving him no time to ready himself for the sight before him. He didn't even register who were in the cages at first, just the sight of the dungeon that had once been his torture chamber overruling any other coherent thought. When Saet-byul tried to pull him inside he froze, refusing to budge as his eyes jarringly shot across the room, his breath quickening.  
  
There was where she shoved him into the rocks and dirt that lined the basement floor, where she ruthlessly played with his doll before slicing his leg open with a knife. There was where she had left him to die, where he had nearly bled to death. The floor was stained red, stained with his blood mixed with all those who had died before him. The light hanging from the ceiling swung unsteadily, the light that when turned on showed the true horrors of what she did to the people she hated. Saet-byul tugged on his hand again, frowning, but he could barely breathe, everything feeling as if it was closing in on him.  
  
He could almost hear her laugh over him, mock and taunt him as she attacked his doll, left long, searing scars that decorated his chest and back.  
  
"N," he could hear Saet-byul say, though it sounded as if he was underwater, everything so muffled and small.  
  
"S-Saet-byul," he could barely hear his own voice, "I-I can’t—I can’t— please...no-"  
  
 _"H-Hak-yeon hyung?"_  
  
The heavy force that had been bearing down on him vanished completely at the sound of his Binnie's voice, and he shoved past Saet-byul as he ran across the room, reaching over the sharp glass and cupping his little Hong-binnie's face in his hands. "Binnie," he cooed, Hong-bin crawling forward as far as he could so that Hak-yeon could pull his head into his arms. "My baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Hong-binnie."  
  
"Hak-yeon hyung," Hong-bin sobbed, lifting his hands as high as he could to hug him back, Hak-yeon pulling away so he could finger the chains and bandages around Hong-bin's wrists. Hong-bin...he shouldn't be here...shouldn't be back here... He started crying, looking to see how he could possibly take them off. "Hak-yeon hyung shouldn't be h-here. Don't belong here."  
  
"I'm so sorry," he hiccupped, showering his face with kisses, wishing that he could just kiss away all his Binnie's worries and sufferings. "I promised you I would keep you safe, and I let this happen to you. Hak-yeon hyung is so sorry."  
  
"Get away from him," Saet-byul hissed, squeezing the doll in her hand. Hong-bin whimpered as he clung tighter to Hak-yeon, his whole body tense, and Hak-yeon pulled him closer as he backed away.  
  
"Stop it Saet-byul, don't hurt him!"  
  
"Don't let her fool you, Hak-yeon," Taek-woon's voice came from behind him. "Hong-bin's not a doll, she can't hurt him."  
  
"T-Taek-woon?" Hak-yeon whispered, his voice breaking as he turned around to see Taek-woon and Won-shik in a cage, Taek-woon pressing himself against the glass. He gave Hong-bin one last kiss before running over, slapping the glass and sobbing. No, no no no no no no no  _no—_ not Taek-woon! Not Taek-woon ah! Everything he did, everything he sacrificed was to keep Taek-woon safe. Tears streaked Taek-woon's cheeks, and Hak-yeon cried that he had been locked away in a way he couldn't touch him. Couldn't help him. "Taek-woonie...no...my Taek-woonie..."  
  
"I'm okay," Taek-woon reassured shakily, resting his hand over Hak-yeon's head, "I'm not a doll. She only locked me in here to torture Won-shik."  
  
"Y-you're not?" he whimpered, looking back to see Won-shik shivering, his hands tied together and a rag shoved in his mouth.  
  
"It's his failsafe. It's the only thing we could do to stop him from hurting himself."  
  
Hak-yeon whirled around, fire in eyes as he glared at Saet-byul standing by the table, the tiny doll still in her hands. This wasn't Saet-byul, his Saet-byul would never have done something like this.  "Yoon Saet-byul... _what the hell is this?_ "  
  
"I did it so you could come home. Now no one can confuse you or keep you away from me. You had to come home."  
  
"Do you seriously think locking them up like this will make me want to stay with you? Will make me even  _want_ you? Saet-byul, I loved you because you didn't do anything with this, because you were good. What the fuck is this?" He hadn't cursed in so long, had it nearly tortured out of him so many years ago, but felt those years vanishing with how furious he was. "Do you think hurting them the same way I was would actually impress me? Bring me back?"  
  
She looked genuinely confused as she floundered for an answer. "N-no, I never hurt them l-like that. I only used the needle-"  
  
He cut her off with an obnoxious laugh, near hysterics. "You think she didn't use the needle on me? You think she only played with me?" He lifted his shirt up, something that he had been ashamed of for so long, his mind running on overdrive. He could hear Jae-hwan gasp to his side, Taek-woon’s soft whisperings of his name at the sight. “Do you see this Saet-byul? This is what your mother did to me, because I was a  _worthless doll_. Do you think I would want this to happen to  _anyone_ , let alone the people I love? Is that seriously what you think?”  
  
“N-no,” she cried, so confused. “T-they said you would come back i-if I did. N, I did it all so you could come back! A-and you did, you’re here now-”  
  
“Stop it,” he hissed, dropping his shirt as his hands bunched into fists. "I...I believed in you,  _trusted_  you. Even when everyone told me it was you, I didn't believe them. But you...you did something like this..."  
  
"No...it's not like that N...it's not..."  
  
"Then what is it? Why-"  
  
"Hak-yeon..." Hak-yeon's whole body froze at the sound, both waves of relief and disbelief rushing through him, "...is that you? I...can't see you..."   
  
"Sang-hyuk?" he called out, looking over all the cells and passing over all the emaciated faces until he found little Sang-hyuk huddled in the corner of the farthest one. He ran over and fell to his knees, reaching through the bars to try and reach him, his heart racing when Sang-hyuk only cried, unmoving.   
  
"I-I can't move...I can't move my body."  
  
"No...t-this can’t— why you, Sang-hyuk? Why Hyukkie?" He looked over to Saet-byul, all his previous anger replaced by only a heavy heart and broken spirit. Why was it that everything he did always hurt others, killing and trapping them in the same torturous position he had once been? Why did he only bring misery to others? Saet-byul bit her lip, eyes looking between Sang-hyuk and him in growing panic.   
  
"Y-you told him, N, I couldn't let him go after he found out. I had to, or else I would have to kill him. I couldn't kill Hyukkie, couldn't hurt him..."  
  
"I didn't tell him anything," he lamented, looking back and barely brushing Sang-hyuk's foot. "I didn't tell him anything about the dolls. I just told him to go home, to stay safe. Sang-hyuk didn't know anything...Sang-hyuk was safe..." He turned away from Saet-byul's horrified face to look at Sang-hyuk, the younger boy staring at him with understanding in his eyes, tears decorating his cheeks. "I'm sorry Hyukkie," he whispered, his fingers tugging on the younger boy's foot enough to grab his ankle. "We were ignoring you to keep you away from this...you were the last person who should be here."  
  
"N-no, I'm sorry Hak-yeon hyung," he stuttered right back, and Hak-yeon let out a small, regretful laugh at finally being called hyung, "I hated you all this time, but everything you did was because of this. I'm sorry."   
  
"N-"  
  
"Sang-hyuk loved you," Hak-yeon roared as he got to his feet, stalking over until he hovered over her, ignored how she cowered under him and clutched the doll to her chest. "He genuinely loved you, how could you even think of doing this, regardless of what I told him? Did you not love him at all? Not even consider him anything?"  
  
"He was my friend-"  
  
"You would never do this to a friend! You wouldn't do this to anyone! Saet-byul, dolls are  _fucked up_ ; there is  _never_ a time that it is okay!  _Never!"_ He looked behind her at Taek-woon, eyes watering. "You saw with Seok-jinnie...there's no escape. No matter what you do, the dolls die the moment you take apart the doll. You saw what we did; saw what..." His voice broke off, the memories of his baby brother burning to death in front of him so vivid and painful.  
  
"We didn't do it right," Saet-byul argued, finally finding her voice and standing tall. “Seok-jin was an accident. I've been trying to figure out different ways, there has to be a way-”  
  
"That is my  _brother_  you're talking about! My baby  _brother_! Don't talk about him like an experiment, like something so  _trivial._ "  
  
"Hak-yeon hyung...you killed Seok-jin...?" Hak-yeon looked over to see Hong-bin staring at him in shock, hands gripping the broken glass and shaking. His little Binnie's eyes were wide in horror, shaking his head slightly and scrambling back when Hak-yeon took a step toward him. "N-no, Hak-yeon hyung wouldn't do that! W-wouldn't kill Seok-jin— no! Not Hak-yeon hyung!"  
  
"We both did," Saet-byul cut in before Hak-yeon could say otherwise, walking straight up to Hong-bin and grinning evilly down at him. "We took his doll apart and he burned to death, right upstairs above your little head."  
  
"Stop it Saet-byul!" Hak-yeon screamed, watching helplessly as Hong-bin started crying, gripping his head in his hands as he wailed.  
  
"Hak-yeon hyung wouldn't! He wouldn't! No! Saet-byul— you're lying! You're lying!"  
  
"Why do you think N never told you? We did it together, took him apart and killed him. Would you like to know how? How he screamed, how he-"  
  
Hak-yeon wouldn't let her finish as he roughly shoved her aside, reaching out to try and comfort his Binnie, his heart feeling as if it was crushed into little pieces when the other flinched away. "H-Hong-binnie," he whimpered pitifully, but Hong-bin only shook his head fiercely, crawling into the farthest corner and curling into a ball.  
  
"S-Seok-jin...Bin loved Seok-jin...but he never came back. Told Bin he would be back..." Hong-bin peeked up at him, tears running down his face. "Hak-yeon hyung...did you really kill Seok-jin? You didn't, right? Hak-yeon hyung wouldn't do that...right? Seok-jin— Hak-yeon hyung wouldn't kill him, right?"  
  
Hak-yeon faltered, sobbing on his own as he tried his hardest to say the words he had kept locked in his heart for years, that he had worked so hard to hide and suppress. His hands trembled, the memory so vivid he could almost feel Seok-jin's hand in his, could almost hear the words flowing from his own lips that his baby brother was going to be alright. He remembered flinching away when he suddenly burst into flames, remembered burning himself when he tried to put the fire out all the while screaming himself hoarse. That had all been his fault, Saet-byul wasn't wrong. But it had been something he had wanted to hide away, never let his Binnie know. Hong-bin couldn't know. "I-I'm sorry Binnie. Hak-yeon hyung is so sorry."  
  
He tried to reach out, reassure his Binnie that he was so, so sorry, but Hong-bin flinched again, shivering. "Killed— like  _she_ did. B-burn, kill them— Hak-yeon hyung...killed like  _she_ did. Stop!" He shrieked when Hak-yeon tried to touch him again. "Don't touch! Kill like Seok-jin— Hak-yeon hyung's hands— burned! Don't touch! Hurt— hurt Seok-jin— like the others..." Hong-bin's words faded to nothing but blubbering, and Hak-yeon collapsed to the floor in tears.  
  
"Hong-binnie...no...I didn't mean it...I never meant it...please..."  
  
"N," Saet-byul's loud voice came from behind him, but he didn't have the willpower to move, leaning against the cold glass on his knees, one arm strewn across the sharp tips to try and reach Hong-bin. She called out again for him, voice louder, but he couldn't be bothered to even look at her, his eyes never leaving Hong-bin's terror-stricken face.  
  
"Hong-bin...hyung is so sorry...hyung is so, so sorry..."  
  
"N!" Saet-byul screamed again, her footsteps echoing as they came up right next to him, but he couldn't look away. Hong-bin was still crying and Hak-yeon couldn't do anything. Hong-bin didn't want him. He had lost his little Binnie, all because of his terrible decision to try and free his brother. Taek-woon tried saying something, slapping the glass to get his attention, but Hak-yeon didn't look, couldn't bear to see what his Taek-woonie thought, thought of him.  
  
"Look at me N!" Saet-byul demanded once more before another scream echoed off the hollow cages, and Hak-yeon immediately turned around at the sound. He looked behind Saet-byul to see Sang-hyuk wailing in pain, unable to move or do anything as painful rivets shot throughout his body. Hak-yeon let out shallow gasps of disbelief as he slowly looked back over to Saet-byul, his heart plummeting into the pits of his stomach to see her jamming the needle into the tiny doll she had been carrying, and all Hak-yeon could think of was that  _she had been holding Hyukkie's doll that entire time, had been threatening to hurt Hyukkie's doll the entire time._  
  
He wasn't the only one in pain at the sound of Sang-hyuk's screams, Jae-hwan trying to reach through his cage bars to help, Taek-woon slapping uselessly at the glass of his own. Even Won-shik looked pained, struggling against the heavy weight of the failsafe at the sound of Hyukkie’s cries.  
  
"What...what are you doing, Saet-byul?" he whispered in awe, completely unable to recognize the girl in front of him.  
  
"I brought you down here because you wanted to see Hong-bin. Well, I've let you see him and he obviously doesn't want to see you." Hong-bin whimpered. "I've done what you wanted, and it's time to go back upstairs. It's getting late, we should be heading to bed."  
  
Sang-hyuk's cries softened to just mewling.  
  
"Saet-byul...if I...if I stay with you...will you let them go?"  
  
"Hak-yeon, don't!" Taek-woon cried, but Saet-byul ignored him as she grinned, tossing the needle away and stuffing Sang-hyuk's doll back in her pocket. She came over to Hak-yeon's side and squat down so she was eye-level with him, resting her chin on her knees and tilting her head to the side.  
  
"Of course not, I don't trust you. You'll just run away the moment I'm not looking. But," her one hand reached out and brushed his, her voice light and airy, "if you convince me that you will never leave me, I'll let them go."  
  
"How...how do I convince you?" His voice was no louder than a whisper, spirit so broken and crushed he could think of nothing other than doing whatever he could to let them go.  
  
"Kiss me."  
  
"Saet-byul-"  
  
"Kiss me, and I'll let them go."  
  
"I...I-"  
  
"Don't do it Hak-yeon ah," Taek-woon cried brokenly, collapsing to his knees and Hak-yeon just stared sadly at him. His Taek-woonie, he should never look like this. Taek-woon was so good, so kind, he should never have had to see a place like this, to meet someone as twisted and dirty as himself. Taek-woon called his name again, pleadingly, when Hak-yeon's shaky hands reached out to cup Saet-byul's face. He could hear Jae-hwan crying something too, their voices loud and overwhelming as he leaned in, silent tears filling his eyes.  
  
"Please Hak-yeon," Taek-woon begged one last time, "please don't do this...don't." Hak-yeon's nose bumped Saet-byul's, her eyes closed as she waited expectantly, and Hak-yeon suddenly remembered the feeling of Taek-woon grabbing his face, awkwardly pressing his lips against his with the same hesitant expression that mirrored his own. He gasped as he shoved her away, panting at the fact that he had almost pressed the same lips Taek-woon had claimed onto someone else.  
  
Saet-byul blinked in numbed shock for a few seconds before her face twisted in rage, leaping to her feet and grabbing his arm. “I will never let them go; they can stay down here and rot for the rest of eternity,” she growled, and Hak-yeon started crying again. Why, why couldn’t he have just kissed her? He should have ignored Taek-woon, ignored every part of him screaming no and just kissed her, done whatever it took to let everyone go. She yanked on his arm, his body putty in her hands despite his every effort to try and stay on the ground.  
  
When he was brought to his feet, her dragging him away, he looked back one last time to see Hong-bin still huddled in the corner, Jae-hwan and Taek-woon sadly watching him go from the front of their cages, Sang-hyuk’s eyes staring at him despite being unable to move his head. He paused, tugging gently on Saet-byul’s hand. She whirled around, ready to breathe fire, but he merely placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, confusing her.  
  
“Saet-byul…” he murmured, “…if anything…could you move Won-shik? The failsafe…that…please don’t do that to him. Anything but that…I’m begging you, Saet-byul.”  
  
Something in his voice must have appeased her, her suddenly smiling as she nodded, sweetly telling him to wait there while she moved him. She held Sang-hyuk’s doll the whole time she unhooked Won-shik from the wall to stop Taek-woon from trying to run away, the latter not having any chains to hold him. Hak-yeon was relieved at that. She hesitated for a moment as she tried to figure out where to put him, the sight ridiculous as she held his chains in her hand and Won-shik standing obediently by her side, shaking from the after-effects of the failsafe.  
  
He choked up when she looked to him for help, having to take a few seconds before managing, “P-put him with Jae-hwan.” He jumped when Jae-hwan screamed and scrambled away, hiding behind the couch as Saet-byul opened his cage. Hak-yeon wondered what else Saet-byul could have done to them, to make them hurt and broken like this.  
  
He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.  
  
He didn’t think he could handle it if he did.  
  
She was silent as she locked Jae-hwan and Won-shik’s cage closed, turning to give him a smile before slowly coming over and taking his hand in hers. Her smile softened as she opened the door, gently pushing him up the stairs before closing the door behind them.  
  
The door shut just quick enough that he was unable to hear Hong-bin cry, the younger boy crying out for his Hak-yeon hyung.


	37. Chapter 37

N was lifeless as she brought him back to her old bedroom, her promising to buy him more clothes as she sat him on the bed. He didn't answer her, eyes blank and body limp, and no amount of kisses or hugs received any reaction from him. But she ignored that, was elated as she changed for the night, pulling back the old blankets and guiding N to lay down. She could barely contain her excitement as she jumped in right next to him, wasting no time snuggling into his side. He made a small whimpering sound when she moved his arm to wrap around her, and when she looked up she found him staring blankly at her, his eyes wet.  
  
"Don't worry N," she reassured, craning her neck to kiss him lightly on the lips. A tear trickled down his cheek. "Soon you'll forget all about them. You don't need them. Hong-bin didn't care that it was an accident, hated you anyways. But I would never hate you, no matter what you did I would never hate you."  
  
He was crying now, his teeth embedded into his bottom lip as his body shook in silent sobs, small gasps escaping his lips. She reached up and brushed his hair from his face, cupping his cheek and shushing him softly. "Don't cry, N. It's alright, I'm here." She shifted to prop herself up on her elbow, pulling N's head into her breast and running a soft hand through his hair. He didn't make a move to hold her back or respond, merely leaning into her arms and crying. She shushed him patiently, was willing to hold him and let him cry for the rest of eternity.  
  
"I love you, N," she hushed, voice barely above a whisper. "I will always love you. You will never have to worry about me hating you. Never."  
  
"My Binnie..." he choked out, heaving. "I didn't...he loved Seok-jin...I knew...h-he...he would..."  
  
"Shh," she kissed his forehead, her thumb running over his cheek in the same way he used to comfort her so many years ago. "He had to know someday, you couldn't keep it from him forever. But it's good, you've learned now how he doesn't actually love you. He wouldn't have run away if he really loved you."  
  
"N-no," he tried weakly, his eyes glossy with tears. "H-he loves me...he loves me..."  
  
She laid back down, N's head still held against her breast, her hand still gently running through his hair. "Only I will love you unconditionally N," she said determinedly, kissing the crown of his head. "No one can or will love you as much as I do. Just stay here with me, I will love and care for you." He didn't respond, not even so much as a whimper escaping his lips, and when she looked down she found that he had fallen asleep. Tenderly, a loving smile on her lips, she reached over and wiped away his drying tears with her thumb, kissing the pain away from his eyes and pulling the blanket up to cover his shivering body.  
  
"You're mine, N," she whispered into his ear, her hold on him tightening. "You're all mine, and I'll make sure you never leave me again."  
  
  
She held her breath the moment she opened her eyes, momentarily stunned by the utter beauty that was her N, the soft morning sun illuminating and softening his features. Tenderly, hesitatingly, she reached over and ran her fingertips over the bridge of his nose, trailing down to his lips and moving to cup his cheek. He was so beautiful, so perfect. She didn’t want him to wake up; he was so peaceful, his eyelashes fluttering as he dreamed. When he was asleep there was no worry on his face, no sadness or heartbreak. He let out a small breath in his sleep, shifting closer to her, and her whole body shivered at the mere brush of his skin against hers.  
  
She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against his forehead, lamenting when N’s eyes fluttered open. Confusion passed over his face for a second before his eyes blinked at her, his whole face falling at the sight. She tried not to think about how unhappy he looked, her hand going under the blanket to find his, squeezing his fingers.  
  
“Good morning N,” she breathed. It took him a long moment to respond, his voice barely audible as his lips moved.  
  
“Good morning Saet-byul.”  
  
“Are you hungry? I can make you something.” His eyes trailed down to where their hands were intertwined under the blankets, his lips pursed and face so sad. “N? Are you okay? Do you feel sick?”  
  
“Saet-byul…would you reconsider? Letting them go…would you please?” He looked so uncertain, so fearful, and she both hated and loved that she made him this way. She brushed his hair from his face and fought the urge to shower him with kisses, to claim him as hers and never let anyone else’s disgusting lips touch him. He looked up at her hopefully and she couldn’t help but smile. Everything about him was so, so beautiful. Even now, with his hair in her hands and him pressed against her with fear and hope in his eyes, he was so beautiful.  
  
“If you can convince me you’ll stay, I’ll let them go,” she finally said, and the thankful, relieved smile that broke out on his face had her inwardly gushing at the sight. She pulled her hand from his hair as she snuggled deep into his chest and pressed her face against his shirt, inhaling his scent. “You don’t need to kiss me yet, we have all the time in the world for that. But I don’t want to worry about you leaving me again. I want to know you’ll stay with me forever.”  
  
“I promise,” he whispered, earnest. “I’ll never leave your side. I’ll stay here with you forever if you let them go.”  
  
She growled, her hand around his digging its nails into his skin. “I don’t want you mentioning anyone else when you promise. I want me to be the only reason you stay, because you love me and only me.”  
  
“Saet-byul-”  
  
“That’s enough,” she snapped, annoyed and upset that he was ruining her perfect morning. She threw the blankets off and got out of bed, glancing over her shoulder to see him watching her, eyes wide as if afraid of what she would do. “I never want to hear any of their names from your mouth again. I should be the only one you worry about.” She didn’t give him another chance to say anything before she stalked out of the room.  
  
\----------------------  
  
Hak-yeon swallowed as he sat up, the blankets pooling around his waist, eyes staring forlornly at his hands in his lap. It had taken him so long to fall asleep the night before, images of the others in the basement so vivid and prominent in his mind. He let out a long, shaky breath at the memory of Hong-bin flinching away from him, screaming at him to stay away. His eyes clouded at the memory, his hands gripping tightly into fists.  
  
He should have guessed this would happen, knew from the beginning that no one could possibly have accepted him after knowing he killed his brother. No one would. Hong-bin hadn’t, his baby Binnie, and he couldn’t even bring himself to see what Taek-woon had thought.  
  
Saet-byul called him from the other room, her voice happy and light, and he didn’t waste any time hurrying to follow her. It didn’t matter what he thought, what others thought of him or what she wanted to do with him; he would do whatever he could to save the others, to free them and spare them from the torture she was putting them through because of him. He knew Jae-hwan and Won-shik would be okay as long as they were together, and Taek-woon could take care of Hong-bin and Sang-hyuk. They would be okay. The others would be okay too—they would all be okay so long as he was out of the picture. As long as he kept her far away from them.  
  
All he had to do was convince her.  
  
He came into the kitchen to see her stirring something in a large pot, her back to him as she cooked. Steeling himself and pushing down any thoughts to run away, he silently shuffled behind her, pausing for a split second before wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. She squeaked at the sudden contact before laughing happily, turning her head slightly to meet his eyes, smiling brightly.  
  
“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he apologized gently, watching carefully at how her expression relaxed.  
  
“That’s okay,” she reassured, patting his hand. “I’m not that upset. You can sit down if you like, I won’t be done for a little bit.”  
  
“Would you like me to help you?” He whispered into her ear, swaying softly, and she laughed exasperatedly.  
  
“Go sit down N, I can’t cook with you like this!” The moment he pulled away and she turned back around his forced smile fell away, swallowing heavily to keep the cries he so badly wanted to let out hidden. He waited a few more seconds before going over to the table and sitting, watching her the entire time. He tried to tell himself that this is what he would be doing for the rest of his life, that he would spend it every day with Saet-byul, but found his eyes welling up at the thought.  
  
He couldn’t…  
  
 _…but he had to._  
  
She brought over the rice and soup to the table when she finished cooking, her apologizing for not knowing how to cook better. She promised to ask Taek-woon for more tips, to figure out how to cook Hak-yeon’s favorite foods. He bit his tongue from pleading her to leave Taek-woon alone, to stay away from him, and forced himself to only nod his head. She didn’t seem to notice anything wrong, excitedly offering to feed him as she spooned him a clump of rice.  
  
“I know this won’t taste good, but just wait. Soon I’ll be making you the most amazing food ever.” He could feel his eyes starting to water as he slowly chewed, shivering. He remembered the few times Taek-woon used to feed him when he got really bad, remembered how Taek-woon’s face reddened when Hak-yeon had offered to feed him once. He should have done more to show how much he loved his Taek-woonie.  
  
Saet-byul misunderstood his tears, apologizing profusely as she grabbed a handful of napkins and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry, the food must taste terrible. I’ll go out and buy something later, I-”  
  
“I-it’s fine, Saet-byul,” he mumbled, silently taking the spoon out of her hand and eating on his own. He couldn’t have her feed him, not today. Not when his heart hurt so badly at the thought of Taek-woon. She suspected nothing, just smiling as she ate her share, her eyes never leaving his face.  
  
\----------------------  
  
She left him sitting on the couch by the fire, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders to keep him warm. He had initially protested, saying the house was already hot enough without the fire, but she insisted and wouldn’t let him get up. He didn’t say anything to her, only watched her sadly as she went back down into the basement. She didn’t want to leave him, wanted to just cuddle the day away, but the voices were calling, and she had to do whatever it took to quiet them.  
  
The voices whispered excitedly in her head as she opened the door, turning on the light and feeling all eyes glance up at her curiously. Since N came back, the voices had been happy, only occasionally asking her to hurt or kill someone. They were sated, content; they liked N and were happy he was back. She was happy too, so, so happy.  
  
She ignored the way everyone stared at her as she went to the table and grabbed the keys, clicking them in her hand before going over to Hyuk’s cage. She unlocked the door, Hyukkie only able to glance at her. He would be able to move soon, would return to being her wonderful Hyuk again.  
  
 _‘Stab him.’_  
  
 _‘Hurt him.’_  
  
 _‘Torture him!’_  
  
 _‘Destroy him!’_  
  
She grimaced as she sat across from him, pulling his doll from her pocket and helping him to sit up. He refused to look at her, his eyes sad, and she hesitated. “Hi…Hyukkie…” she whispered, watching how he looked her over before sighing.  
  
“Hello Saet-byul.”  
  
An awkward silence filled the room, only the sounds of Hong-bin clinking his chains heard before she finally managed to speak again. “I…I didn’t know N never told you…I thought he told you about the dolls…”  
  
“Saet-byul…” he interrupted, voice breaking, “is this why Hak-yeon hyung left you? Because of this?”  
  
“My mother tortured him, not me,” she gushed, wanting Hyuk to understand. If anyone, she wanted Hyukkie to understand. “I never wanted to hurt N. I loved him.” He scoffed, looking away from her, and she started to cry.  
  
Hyuk…she had only wanted to say goodbye. Hyuk was too wonderful of a person for her, too amazing; he didn’t deserve living a life waiting for her, calling every day and asking desperately for her. She had only planned to meet him to say goodbye, to tell him never to call her again and to stay away. To say she had found N and was going to live happily with him, moving so far away Hyukkie would never be able to find her again. It had taken her a long time to convince herself it was only right to break his heart, that it would spare him. If the voices had seen Hyukkie curse her and run away, they would have forgotten about him, would turn their attention to the dolls she already had. Hyukkie would have been safe. Hyukkie would have been okay.  
  
But then he had to be talking to N, had to look at her strangely.  
  
And she had to have jumped to the conclusion N told him about the dolls.  
  
“I’m sorry Hyukkie,” she wept, grabbing his hand and running her thumb along his palm. “I originally was going to tell you to stay away, make you hate me so you would stay away.”  
  
“Hak-yeon hyung doesn’t love you,” Hyuk whispered, his chest rising so softly he barely looked like he was breathing. “This isn’t-”  
  
“He does love me,” she snapped; it didn’t matter if this was Hyukkie, no one was allowed to say anything bad about N. “Just earlier he said he loved me, he said it himself.”  
  
“You’re forcing it. Saet-byul, when you told me you didn’t love me, I accepted that. I was going to move on; I didn’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. But Hak-yeon hyung…by forcing him-”  
  
“I’m not forcing anything!” she screamed, jumping to her feet, gasping for air as the voices started to grow louder, demanding her to punish him for daring to speak back to her.  
  
 _‘Teach him!’_  
  
 _‘Insolent child!’_  
  
 _‘Beat him to show he’s yours!’_  
  
Hyukkie didn’t know yet to be afraid of her, stared at her with a hard gleam in his eye. “You’re forcing it on him, Saet-byul. You have to move on, find someone else-”  
  
 _“Shut up!”_ she howled as she squeezed his doll’s head as tightly as she could, the voices roaring excitedly when Hyuk screamed in pain. She twisted it once before letting go, watching dispassionately as he spluttered and coughed, gasping for air. Tears coated his cheeks as his gasps turned into sobs, his teary eyes looking up at her in horror. The voices filled her head with reassurances and demands, clouded her mind so her heart wasn’t moved by the sight, only smirking. “You may be Hyukkie, but that doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want. You’re mine now, my _doll_ , and you’re not allowed to say  _anything_  against my N.”  
  
“B-Byullie…” he tried, hiccupping, but she silenced him with a hard pinch to his side. He yelped before dissolving into loud cries. She left the cage before her guilty conscience had time to eat at her, locking Hyuk’s door behind her. His cries rang in her ears as she pulled the keys out of the lock, turning her head to see everyone glaring at her, Taek-woon’s piercing stare unnerving. She swallowed as she went back to the table, placing the keys down and taking a deep breath.  
  
She didn’t need anything else down here, the voices pacified with Hyuk. It didn’t satisfy them as much as killing one of them would have, but it was enough. She knew N didn’t like killing, hated blood and death, so she would never kill again. She would never do anything to upset her N.  
  
She was about to head up when Hong-bin’s small whimpering voice called out, pleading, “H-Hak-yeon hyung…where is Hak-yeon hyung?”  
  
She whirled around, the voices goading her on as she made her way over to Hong-bin’s cage, watched how the other squirmed under her gaze. “N is upstairs.”  
  
“C-can…can Bin…Bin wants to apologize, miss Hak-yeon hyung. See, see hyung, p-please-”  
  
“He doesn’t want to see you,” she growled, inwardly grinning at the crest-fallen expression on the other’s face, enjoying seeing the agony in his eyes. “Do you even realize how much you’ve hurt him? He’s been crying because you broke his heart.  _You_ did.”  
  
“N-no! S-sorry, Bin is sorry! Bin wants Hak-yeon hyung—please, let Bin see Hak-yeon hyung! Bin is so sorry!” Hong-bin reached out to try and grab her, begging, but she stumbled back, wouldn’t let him touch her. “Please, Bin doesn’t want to make Hak-yeon hyung sad—please let Bin say sorry!”  
  
“Nothing you do will make him happy. You crushed his heart, and I will never let you touch him again. I will keep you far away, locked down here where all you’ll be able to remember is how much you hurt him.”  
  
She was amused at his tears, laughing as she ignored Taek-woon’s angry shouts and headed upstairs, immensely enjoying destroying anything that could possibly try and take her N away.  
  
\----------------------  
  
He greeted her the moment she came back upstairs, not having moved from the spot she left him. Hak-yeon knew better than to do anything without her specific approval, knew how unstable she was. She laughed the moment she saw him, running and jumping into his waiting arms, rubbing her face happily into his chest. She sat him back down and wrapped the blanket around the both of them, sighing contently.  
  
He stared at her face as she settled, his whole being brimming with unbridled curiosity, desperate to know what she had done in the basement. The floorboards were thin, Sang-hyuk’s screams clearly audible even from where he sat. He had heard his Binnie too, could hear him scream and cry. He wanted to know, wanted to know what Saet-byul had done to them, though he was terrified of possibly setting her off with the question. He had realized any mention of anyone other than her from his lips only infuriated her, pushed her to hurt more.  
  
Finally, he managed, “S-Saet-byul?”  
  
“Yes, N?” she asked, eyes still closed as she pulled the blanket around them tighter. It was so hot, he was burning, but he didn’t dare say anything. He couldn’t chance it.  
  
“Bi—ah, Hong-bin…I heard him. Did he…did he say anything about me?” He braced himself for her to start screaming at him, was ready to hold her back from running downstairs and taking her anger out on the others. But nothing of the sort happened, her instead looking up at him with a sad expression, her hand reaching out to take his. She pat it comfortingly.  
  
“I’m sorry N. I tried to ask him about you, even though it made me angry to even say your name in the same sentence as his. But he doesn’t want anything to do with you. He’s still angry about Seok-jin.”  
  
He choked, biting his lip as he tried desperately not to cry. He can’t risk showing tears in front of her, to show how much of what she said dug a knife straight into his heart. He let out a shaky breath as he nodded, closing his eyes in an attempt to hide away his wet lashes. “D-did…did he really say that?”  
  
“I tried to explain to him what happened, for real this time,” she added, looking down at her lap. “I’m sorry about lying that one time. He just makes me so angry every time I see him. But for you, I went to explain the truth.”  
  
“…and he still…?”  
  
She shook her head. “He still blamed you. He screamed at me to stay away, to keep you away. I’m sorry N, I really tried.” A couple tears trailed down his cheeks despite his best efforts, and Saet-byul reached up to brush them away. He didn’t stop her.  
  
“…and Taek-woon?”  
  
“I didn’t ask, but he avoided me. I’m not sure N, most of them looked upset when I talked about it.”  
  
\----------------------  
  
She cupped his face in her hands and kissed his cheeks, kissing away his tears and worries and whispering promises to always love him. She could see how devastated he was at the news, how his face broke at the thought Hong-bin hated him. It filled her with so much pleasure, to feel him leaning on her for support and holding her so tightly. She wanted to erase the presence of anyone other than her from his heart, to mold him in a way that would only look to her. That would only love her.  
  
He leaned into her touch, her name whispered from his lips, and her whole body shivered in delight at the sound. No one would ever be able to say her name the same way as him, to make her feel the same way N did. She paused, eyes roving over his face, tracing the shape of his eyes, the bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips—her fingers stiffened, not allowing him any time to react before she gently pressed her lips against his. He jerked initially, weakly tried to push her away, but she wouldn’t let him. She pressed harder, sucked on his lip until he whimpered.  
  
 _“I love you, N,”_ she whispered breathily, gasping shortly before kissing him again.  _“I love you so much.”_  
  
“Saet-byul-” he tried, but she slammed her lips on his to shut him up. Her hands moved up to tangle her fingers into his hair, pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed tight against one another.  
  
 _“Kiss me,”_ she mumbled in between breaths, her fingers latching onto clumps of his hair and pulling excitedly.  _“Kiss me, N, kiss me-”_  
  
He cut her off by pressing back just as forcefully, his own hands grabbing her face and sucking on her lips until she gasped. She let out a small laugh as she kissed him again and again, reveled in the feel of him responding and reciprocating, no longer resisting as he kissed her back just as passionately. She moaned his name before finally pulling away, ignored his empty, half-lidded eyes as she crushed him in a hug.  
  
“You’re mine, N,” she growled possessively, the taste of his lips still heavy on her own. “I won’t let anyone touch you again. You’re mine and mine alone.”  
  
“I am yours…” he murmured back, his voice soft and empty, and it filled her with happiness.  
  
\--  
  
 _Won-shik awoke to find his head in Jae-hwan's lap, the other absentmindedly running a hand through his hair. He looked up to see Jae-hwan nodding off above him, his head hanging limply to the side as a soft snore escaped his lips. He chuckled lovingly as he lifted his cuffed hands to try and brush Jae-hwan's cheek, grunting when he could barely lift them above his own head, his wrists burning. The movement did, however, wake the other up, Jae-hwan's head shooting up as he hurriedly looked around._  
  
 _"Ken hyung," he whispered soothingly, all the tensed muscles in Jae-hwan's body laxing the moment he heard his voice._  
  
 _"Won-shik ah," Jae-hwan laughed, running his cuffed hands over Won-shik's chest and face to check if anything was wrong. "Are you okay? You're not hurting are you? Do your wrists hurt? Tell hyung, is there anything wrong?"_  
  
 _"I'm fine hyung," he tried to reassure, though when he was only met with a reproachful glare he sighed. "My wrists are hurting, but it's probably just from the chains. She put them on pretty tight-"_  
  
 _"L-let me see them," Jae-hwan whispered, holding his hands out and wrapping them tenderly around Won-shik's wrists. His touches were so light he could barely feel them, his lips trembling. "D-do you hurt anywhere else? Your head?"_  
  
 _"Not really...hyung, what's going on? I promise I'm okay."_  
  
 _"No...no, you're not okay..." Jae-hwan sucked in a large breath of air before turning his teary eyes to him, and Won-shik wished he could move more so he could wipe those tears away. "Saet-byul...she put you in with Taek-woon at first. Taek-woon's not a doll, so you reacted...just like how we did to Hong-bin..." Won-shik glanced back to see Hong-bin staring at them, the churning in his stomach matching the little voice in his head that screamed to run away. He swallowed before turning back to Jae-hwan._  
  
 _"...I did?"_  
  
 _Jae-hwan nodded, hiccupping as his shoulders trembled. "You were hurting yourself so bad...Taek-woon had to stop you. I was so scared Won-shik ah...I was so scared..."_  
  
 _"I'm sorry hyung," he apologized, the pain in his wrists and arms stopping him from lifting his hands any higher than his lap. Seeing the tears on Jae-hwan's face, he settled for holding his hands. "Hey, hey, don't cry."_  
  
 _"I told Taek-woon to knock you out," he sobbed, his large, painful tears shocking Won-shik. "I didn't want to, I never want to hurt you Wonnie... but you were hurting yourself. They said you'd break your wrists-" Jae-hwan's chains rattled as he pulled his hands back, running his nails down his face and leaving long, red welts on his skin. "I'm so, so sorry. I would never want to hurt you. I-"_  
  
 _"Hyung!" Won-shik snapped, cutting him off and despite the overwhelming burning sensation shooting through his tired arms, he reached up and yanked Jae-hwan's hands away. He held them tightly, squeezed tighter and tighter until the other looked at him. "None of this is your fault. You did nothing for god's sake! You saved me! If it wasn't for you my wrists would have been broken!"_  
  
 _Jae-hwan sniffled, sucking on his bottom lip._  
  
 _Won-shik took a deep breath to calm down, knew he wouldn't get anywhere if he continued to shout. "Look, hyung, don't blame yourself for this."_  
  
 _Jae-hwan stared at him for the longest time, so still and calm Won-shik was about to ask if he was okay when, so softly Won-shik could barely hear, he whispered, “I should have let you quit tutoring.”_  
  
 _"What?"_  
  
 _"When you wanted to quit being Saet-byul's tutor. I should have let you."_  
  
 _He blinked in surprise, never having heard such a vindictive and bitter tone in his hyung's voice. He swallowed carefully, thinking over the best way to say anything without upsetting him. "No, you were right. I started as a tutor, and I should finish as one. It helped me pass school without too many demerits-"_  
  
 _"And look what that's gotten you? I...I even yelled at you for being mean to her. I shouldn't have done that. I should have pulled you away."_  
  
 _How long had he been thinking this? Been torturing himself for something he couldn’t have predicted?_  
  
 _"Stop saying things like that. It's not you, hyung. You’re sweet and while sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, it’s who you are and I absolutely love that.”_  
  
 _“B-but-”_  
  
 _“Neither of us had any idea Saet-byul would turn out like this. We had no way of knowing she was going to snap and turn us into her personal slaves."_  
  
 _"But if I hadn't persisted and let you quit, we wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be under the risk of breaking your wrists and I..." he paused, eyes downcast as he lowered his head in shame, "I wouldn't be such a mess."_  
  
 _"You're not a mess, hyung," he growled. "Don't ever let me hear those fucking words out of your mouth again, do you understand?" Jae-hwan blinked confusedly at him, his eyes rimmed red from unshed tears, and it infuriated Won-shik to no end. "Saet-byul definitely fucked you over and if I ever got the chance I would beat the shit out of her, regardless if she's a girl." He could hear Sang-hyuk grunt objectively, but he couldn't care less about that. "But that doesn't mean we can't fix it. There's got to be a way we can make you hear your name again, to make you smile again. If we ever get out of here, I'll help you get better, hyung."_  
  
 _Jae-hwan didn't react for a few, long seconds, staring uncomprehendingly until the tears in his eyes spilled over and dripped down his chin. Then, slowly and painstakingly, the corners of his lips curled up as he pulled Won-shik into a tight hug, thanking him profusely._  
  
 _Won-shik hugged him back._


	38. Chapter 38

Weeks passed by and N’s walls around her slowly crumbled, soon each morning greeting her with a pleasant smile and a kiss on the cheek. Every morning she would awaken to his smiling face, feel his arms pull her close, would shower her face with kisses and pleasantries. It filled her with delight to hear such things, made her so happy to wake up and see him, hear his sweet words fall on her ears. He was always holding her, always able to find a way to hold her hand or pull her onto his lap. She never argued, would spend hours sitting blissfully tucked under his chin.  
  
There were times when she would fervently wish for time to stop.  
  
\----------------------  
  
There were long periods of time when he would forget everything except for Saet-byul, during those times the only thing he could think of being to hold her tight and never let her go. Each time it took longer and longer before he would regain his senses, when he would remember his precious Taek-woonie and Hong-binnie. He had by now accepted that they hated him, that everyone hated him for killing his brother and destroying the trust and love they had put in him. While he remembered feeling broken and hurt initially, that feeling was almost completely replaced with his love for Saet-byul.  
  
Saet-byul would never hate him, would never stop loving him.  
  
She needed him, loved him, cherished him.  
  
He would always be there for her.  
  
But there was that small part of him, a part that shrunk day by day, that reminded him to free them, to get her to release the others from the basement. Even if they hated and abhorred him, he couldn’t leave them downstairs where they were trapped like he had been. He couldn’t leave them to that fate.  
  
That and…he didn’t want her taking her focus off him, even for a minute.  
  
  
With each day spent with her, he wanted her to go to the basement less and less.  
  
  
He wanted to be the only thing she would look to for comfort, for love.  
  
He was her doll, he had to please her.  
  
How could he please her if she went down to the basement, if there was some way only they could satisfy her?  
  
\----------------------  
  
She sometimes wished there was a way she could be rid of the voices that refused to leave her head, that they would leave her alone now that she had her N back. They were quiet when he was with her, when he held her and slept with her, but the moment he pulled away they came back with a vengeance. They wanted to hear screams, to hear begging and pleading as dolls withered on the ground in front of her. They goaded her, pushed and besought her to go back to the basement and tear the dolls apart. They wanted blood, wanted to see them choke on their own bile as she tore their stomachs open.  
  
She tried to ignore them the best she could, hated seeing the distressed look N would send her when she tried to sneak out of bed. It absolutely overjoyed her that he tried his best to keep her by his side, that he never wanted to let her go. If she could, she would create a world for just the two of them, a world where there was nothing but just her and N.  
  
But she couldn’t.  
  
Not with these voices.  
  
So when he was asleep, his lips parted and subconscious buried so deep at the beckoning of her call, she would sneak down into the basement.  
  
It was then she would cut them open, leave permanent marks on them that would satisfy the voices. She made sure to leave terrible ones to sate them longer, so they would leave her alone. She didn’t care who she hurt, who she made bleed, it didn’t bother her.  
  
They especially wanted Hong-bin’s blood, wanted her to kill and destroy him for stealing N away for as long as he did. But she wanted to wait, to wait until N no longer had even a hint of Hong-bin in his heart.  
  
Then she would kill him.  
  
\----------------------  
  
He awoke one morning to find her gone, his brain muddled and eyes bleary as he looked around the room, her name clumsily falling off his tongue. His heart was racing at the idea that she was missing, that something could have happened to her while he was sleeping. He scrambled out of bed, his body still heavy and lethargic, bumping into the walls as he lumbered down the hallway. He called her name repeatedly, squinting past the bright sun shining through the windows, eyes narrowing on the open door that led to the basement.  
  
He stumbled over to the door, held onto the walls for support as he tried to see if she was down there. He couldn’t tell, the basement light dim against the sunny morning. He called her name softly, rubbing his eye as he slowly made his way down the stairs. He sniffed. What was down here that he couldn’t give her? What was he lacking that she had to come to these other dolls, that she couldn’t get from him alone?  
  
“Saet-byul?”  
  
\----------------------  
  
She whirled around, Chan-yeol’s doll in hand, the needle embedded into its eye. Chan-yeol lay in a collapsed heap at her feet, blood trickling between his fingers as he pressed his palms hard against his temple. N’s tired eyes stared at the doll at her feet, unmoving for the longest time before blinking up at her, his whole face scrunched adorably in confusion.  
  
“N-”  
  
“…you weren’t in bed,” he mumbled. Taek-woon tried saying something behind her, croaking out N’s name, but N didn’t seem to register his voice. Instead her beloved N yawned, rubbing his eyes as if trying to push away the last stubborn bits of sleep. She inwardly gushed at the sight; he was always so cute whenever he tried to wake up, always so sleepy and needy. It’s why she would force him to sleep so deeply all the time, just so she could see this side of him every morning.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, throwing Chan-yeol’s doll onto the table before walking over and taking N’s hand in hers. “I was just finishing up here. Why don’t you go upstairs and wait for me, hmm? I won’t be much longer.”  
  
\----------------------  
  
He nodded obediently, eyes staring down at her hands holding his, her touch so warm. Of course he would go, he would do whatever she asked of him. He would do anything for her. He was her doll.  
She sent him a brilliant smile, leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t budge, never reciprocated or reacted unless she made it clear she wanted him to. He thought he heard something muffled in the background, thought he could hear something other than his own thoughts as he listened to Saet-byul order him upstairs. But when she didn’t react to that foreign sound, when she only turned him around and pushed him gently, he berated himself for thinking of anything other than her.  
  
\----------------------  
  
 _“Hak-yeon hyung!”_ Hong-bin screamed, shaking his chains as loudly as he could, reaching out to try and grab him. N paused, turned his head slightly in Hong-bin’s direction, and she panicked.  
  
“Go upstairs, I’ll be up in a minute. Go.”  
  
“Saet-byul…”  
  
 _“Hak-yeon hyung! Bin is so sorry, Bin is so, so sorry! Please, Hak-yeon hyung!”_ Hong-bin clawed at the glass, tore apart his palms. She hurriedly pushed N forward, desperate, when she suddenly felt hands clasp tightly around her own, stopping her.  
  
\----------------------  
  
“…Binnie?” he asked, blinking confusedly past the fog that clung to the corners of his mind. He held Saet-byul fast when she tried to shove him up the stairs, looked over her to see Hong-bin cutting himself on the glass, screaming. It took him a while to realize he was calling for him, and took even longer for his mind to clear enough for him to realize Hong-bin was  _apologizing;_  he shoved past Saet-byul as he ran to his baby Binnie’s side.  
  
“Binnie, my Binnie, stop it. Stop hurting yourself.”  
  
“I’m sorry Hak-yeon hyung,” Hong-bin bawled, disregarding his bleeding hands as he cried into Hak-yeon’s shoulder. “Bin is sorry. Bin didn’t mean to hurt Hak-yeon hyung. Bin didn’t mean to make Hak-yeon hyung cry.”  
  
\----------------------  
  
“I thought you hated me,” N cried as he hugged Hong-bin, completely ignoring her. Her lower lip trembled as it dawned on her that the weeks she had put into caring for N, the weeks she put into erasing Hong-bin, Taek-woon, Jae-hwan, Won-shik, Sang-hyuk, and every other person other than her out of his heart, was quickly disappearing. Her blood boiled in barely concealed rage as N pressed his lips all over Hong-bin’s disgusting face, uttered Hong-bin’s unworthy name from his lips, tangled his fingers in Hong-bin’s knotted, unkempt hair.  
  
“N-”  
  
“You told me Hong-bin hated me,” N cried accusingly, his eyebrows pulled down in a hard glare that had the voices rising in a flurry.  
  
 _‘Hurry, call him!’_  
  
 _‘Call him back!’_  
  
 _‘Kill them all!’_  
  
 _‘Kill them all and call him!’_  
  
 _‘Keep him by your side!’_  
  
 _‘Kill!’_  
  
 _‘Kill!’_  
  
“H-he does hate you! He said so himself!”  
  
“No! B-Bin wanted to apologize, was so, so sorry! Bin always wanted to apologize! Y-you said Hak-yeon hyung was hurt, didn’t want to hear Bin-”  
  
“Saet-byul, were you lying?” He was glaring at her; her beautiful N was glaring at her. What went wrong? Just a couple minutes ago he was sleepily calling out to her, holding her hand and waiting for her. How—how did fucking Hong-bin manage to ruin everything?  _Again?_  
  
 _‘Kill him!_ ’  
  
 _‘Splatter the walls with his blood!’_  
  
 _‘Bathe N in his blood!’_  
  
\----------------------  
  
As he cradled Hong-bin’s head in his arms, he could only stare at Saet-byul in disbelief. She had done something to him, made him forget everything. Had she been trying to turn him into a vegetable? He trembled at the thought, could very easily remember how empty he had felt when she had been the only thing he thought of. He looked around at the others, could see how emaciated and sick the others were. Jae-hwan and Won-shik were huddled together in the corner of their cage, Sang-hyuk peeking out at him with crazed eyes, even Taek-woon looked so thin and bony.  
  
He quivered, his whole body ice cold. “Saet-byul…you were never going to let them go…were you?”  
  
She didn’t answer, her face pale and lips a thin line.  
  
“When you said I had to convince you…you never had any intention to let them go, did you? You were going to keep them locked down here forever, weren’t you?” He could hear his own voice growing louder with each passing second, the bitter resentment he had held for himself all these weeks coming out strong. “You only said that to trick me, to turn me into your puppet while you tortured and hurt all the ones I love, didn’t you?”  
  
\----------------------  
  
 _‘Don’t let him get away!’_  
  
 _‘Call him!’_  
  
 _‘Stop him!’_  
  
 _‘Kill Hong-bin!’_  
  
 _‘Kill them all!’_  
  
“No, you just hadn’t convinced me yet!”  
  
N scoffed, the sound so unruly for her beautiful doll. “When were you ever going to be convinced? I did everything you asked, whenever you asked, no matter what you asked! I believed you when you said Hong-bin hated me, when you said everyone hated me! How can you say I hadn’t convinced you?”  
  
 _‘Hurry, kill them!’_  
  
 _‘KILL THEM!’_  
  
“Because I knew there was still the chance this would happen! Where you would turn on me!”  
  
 _‘HURRY!’_  
  
 _‘CALL HIM! CALL HIM BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!’_  
  
 _‘KILL THEM!’_  
  
“Goddamnit Saet-byul, why do you think I’m turning on you? It’s because you’re always lying! You lied when you said you didn’t make dolls, you lied when you said you never touched Jae-hwan, you lied when you said you would let them go!”  
  
 _‘KILL THEM!’_  
  
 _‘KILL EVERYONE!’_  
  
 _‘HURRY, KILL EVERYONE AND BRING HIM BACK!’_  
  
\----------------------  
  
He pressed a quick kiss to Hong-bin’s forehead before standing up, shoving past Saet-byul and grabbing the keys off the table. She shrieked as she lunged at him, trying her best to reach the keys that he held high above her head. He slapped a hand on her shoulder and held her firmly, digging his nails into her skin until she winced, stopping.  
  
“If you’re not going to free them, then I will. I won’t let you touch them again.”  
  
\----------------------  
  
 _“No!”_ she shrieked, scratching pathetically at him when he went to unlock Hyuk’s cage.  _“Stop it N!”_ She was powerless against him, N so much stronger than her.  
  
 _‘Stop him!’_  
  
 _‘Use his doll!’_  
  
 _‘Teach him, you’re his master!’_  
  
 _‘Teach him!’_  
  
 _‘Call him!’_  
  
 _‘CALL HIM!’_  
  
 _“Stop it N!”_  
  
\----------------------  
  
Hak-yeon ripped open Sang-hyuk’s cell door, stepping inside and unlocking the chains around his wrists. He didn’t waste any time to hear Sang-hyuk’s thanks, moving right along to Hong-bin. Hong-bin cried for him, held his hands up helpfully while Hak-yeon searched for the right key. Saet-byul all the while dug at his back.  
  
\----------------------  
  
 _No! Not Hong-bin! Not Hong-bin!_  
  
 _“Stop it N! You’re my doll! You can’t do this!”_  
  
“I will do what I need to,” he snapped, grunting as he broke away the metal bracelets. “If you won’t free them, then I will.”  
  
She sobbed, cried and pleaded him to stop.  
  
 _‘Call him!’_  
  
 _‘It’s the only way to stop him!’_  
  
 _‘Call his name!’_  
  
 _‘CALL HIS NAME!’_  
  
She clung onto his hands, pulling uselessly. “Stop it! Stop N _, stop C-Cha…Cha…”_  
  
\----------------------  
  
He moved to his Taek-woonie next, ignored Saet-byul behind him as he tried to find whatever key could free his Taek-woonie.  
  
\----------------------  
  
She shoved him hard enough he stumbled back a couple steps, the annoyance in his eyes enough to push her over the edge.  
  
 _‘CALL HIM’_  
  
 _‘CALL HIM CALL HIM CALL HIM CALL HIM CALL HIM-’_  
  
“Saet-byul-”  
  
 _“Stop it Cha Hak-yeon!”_  
  
\--  
  
The rusted keys fell from N's grip, the clattering sound echoing painfully in her ears as everyone froze.  
  
No...no... _no...._  
  
N hands fell placidly by his side, the bright light in his eyes that she had loved so dearly fading. The frantic expression that had marred his perfect face slowly smoothed out until no emotion was discernible. She stood rooted to the spot, what she had just done still not sinking in as Taek-woon tentatively called out N's name. N didn't answer, didn’t acknowledge, didn't  _blink;_ there was nothing in his demeanor that suggested he even understood. Taek-woon tapped on the glass, N having been unable to unlock the door in time, calling out N's name louder and louder. Hong-bin, who had only managed to half-climb over the glass collapsed back inside his cage, disbelief on his face and his body frozen in shock.  
  
"Hak-yeon!" Taek-woon screamed, slamming the glass as hard as he could, his eyes locked on N as he tried desperately to get some reaction from him. "Hak-yeon, please look at me! Hak-yeon! Hak-yeon ah!"  
  
"...N?" she whimpered, jumping when N's head snapped toward her, his dull, blank eyes staring at her. She took a shaky step forward, her hand trembling as she raised it up and placed it on his chest. He didn't blink, didn't breathe, stayed absolutely still as he let her do whatever she wanted. She put both hands on his chest, her fingers roaming over the soft fabric of his shirt, twisting the cloth as she felt for his heartbeat.  
  
It was there, slow and deliberate, so calm like the rest of him.  
  
"...N, are you...are you still there? Are you still my N?"  
  
She could feel everyone's eyes on her, the place so deathly silent it made her want to burst into tears. The voices were gone, their absence scaring her as she was left alone with the possible husk of her beautiful N. She jumped when N suddenly moved, his eyes never leaving her face as his hands covered hers, his fingers slipping through her own.  
  
"S-Saet-byul..." Taek-woon whispered brokenly, "what did you do to him?"  
  
"I-I-I...I didn't mean...I didn't mean it..." She pulled her hands away as she desperately ran them over his face, chest, arms, waist-- she looked everywhere for  _something_ that could change him back. There had to be something! She couldn't have-- she couldn't have killed him! No! "I didn't mean it! I take it back! N! N, I take it back! I didn't mean to say it!"  
  
N didn't move, didn't react, his empty eyes just staring at her. Even when she started slapping him, screaming at him to change back, to go back to her N, he didn't move.  
  
"H-Hak-yeon hyung...?" Hong-bin finally tried. N showed no indication he heard.  
  
"N...do you recognize me?" she asked, and his eyes finally,  _finally_ moved to follow her hand reaching up to cup his cheek. He didn't answer, didn't lean into her touch, it took everything in her not to cry then. T-this....this wasn't what she wanted! She wanted him back, but not like this!  
  
 _"He is a special doll, it is what will essentially kill him. He’ll be a true doll; his whole entire being will cease to exist, he will no longer be anything but a doll that lives for you. Relationships, personality, love, morals-- nothing will matter to him anymore."_  
  
"I didn't mean it N! I take it back!"  
  
 _"If you say it, you are killing him."_  
  
"N, please! Please!"  
  
 _"Don’t ever say it unless you are ready to deal with the consequences.”_  
  
"N, it's me, Saet-byul! Say something!"  
  
"I'm yours," he responded immediately, though there was nothing in his voice. There was nothing that reassured her this was still N, that this was still her N. She grabbed handfuls of his shirt as she shook him frantically, screaming his name and begging him to say something. To say anything that would let her know he was still there. That he was still N. He stumbled back when she shoved him, merely straightened up and waited silently for her to hit him again.  
  
"Saet-byul," she heard a voice call out behind her, and she whirled around to see her mother standing by the table, the needle in her hand. She immediately panicked, her first thought being to push N behind her, hiding him. She would never let her mother touch him again, to bring him anymore suffering. When her mother smiled at her, waving excitedly, she felt a part of her snap, her vision flashing red.  
  
"This is all your fault," she growled, backing away until N slammed into Taek-woon's cage. "This is all your fault! If you hadn't taught me about dolls, if you hadn't made N my doll, N would still be here! It's your fault! It's all your fault!" When her mother only tilted her head in confusion, she screamed. "You're the reason I'm like this, why I hear these voices and why I kill everyone! It's all your fault! It's your fault I killed N!"  
  
"I didn't do any of that," she said simply, eyes so unsympathetic. "You did that all on your own."  
  
"N-no I didn't! I-if it wasn't for you, I would never have made dolls or heard these voices! I wouldn't have said N's name." She was crying, feeling everything crumbling around her. She looked back through her tears to see N, desperately hoping to see him smile down at her and promise everything was okay. She let out a croak at how he only continued to stare forward, his expression giving no indication he was hearing or understanding anything. “It’s all your fault! Everything's your fault!”  
  
Her mother laughed, her mouth so wide as if she found everything so amusing; the sound of it grating her teeth and causing goosebumps to run across her skin. “How could it be my fault? You’re the one that chose to make your brother a doll. You’re the one who killed  _my_ dolls. I haven’t touched a hair on their heads. Everything that’s happened is  _your_ fault, Saet-byul.  _You_ did all of this.  _You_ killed N.”  
  
“You liar!” she screamed, pushing N back even further when her mother took a step forward. “You were the one that hurt N first! You cut up my doll and tortured him when he wasn’t yours! You started it! You did!”  
  
She lunged forward and grabbed the knife off the table, her rising panic causing her to miss the frightened look on her mother’s face, ignored how her mother stumbled back. She was crying, every second staring at her mother’s face only reminding her of how N abandoned her at the hospital, how he told her to stay away from him, how he found her at work with his hands torn and scarred, how he glared at her as he held Hong-bin close to him—her mother ruined everything. She had been blaming Hong-bin, Taek-woon, Baek-hyun, and everyone else for what happened between her and N, when it was her mother. It was  _always_  her mother.  
  
“Saet-byullie,” her mother called out sweetly, opening her arms out as if to hug her, and she snapped.  
  
“Get away from me!” she shrieked as she leapt forward and knocked her mother to the ground, stabbing her as hard and as fast as she could. Her mother’s laughs clouded her ears, ringing so loudly that all she could think about was to shut her up. Make her stop. Make her stop stop stop stop stop stop  _stop_ _—_  “I hate you, I hate you!” she screamed as loud as she could, desperate to stop her mother’s laugh.  
  
“You should be happy!” her mother roared loudly, cackling, her grin so wide despite how she dragged the knife as hard as she could across her lips. “You did it! N will be the perfect protector, will take such great care of you!”  
  
“Shut up! Shut  _up!”_  
  
“He’s going to be great! He’s perfect! You made him perfect!”  
  
“Stop it stop it  _stop it!”_ She stabbed her mother’s face, chest, arms, legs—everything; did whatever she could to get her to  _stop._ She cried horribly as she dug the knife deeper and deeper into her mother’s body, couldn’t see through her tears how her mother’s delighted face was actually one of unadulterated horror, couldn’t hear how her shrieks of laughter were actually pain-filled wails. It wasn’t until she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and pull her back, wasn’t until she had the knife wrestled out of her grip did she hear everyone else screaming. Frantic and confused, she clung onto whoever was holding her, sobbing.  
  
“Stop it…stop it…” she whimpered, trembling like a leaf.  
  
As the whole room calmed down, everyone quieting and only her small sobs audible, she managed to look up at whoever was holding her, crying out when she saw it to be Hong-bin. “H-how...how are you here? How did you-?”  
  
“Saet-byul…” Won-shik whispered, he and Jae-hwan pressed against the front of their cage, their eyes wide in horror, “...you...you…”  
  
She followed his line of sight to see the destroyed corpse of her mother, only—  
  
She collapsed back into Hong-bin’s arms, her chest compressing so tightly she couldn’t breathe. No. No. No no no no no no no no no no no nonononononono _nonononononono—_  
  
There, laying in a pool of blood with his face torn to shreds and his body riddled with holes, was Hyukkie.  
  
There, mutilated and cold, blood pooling from the millions of stab wounds she herself inflicted on him, was Hyukkie.  
  
The person she had believed to be her mother, the person she had brutally murdered, was Hyukkie.  
  
Her only friend, the only person who still loved her—she killed him.  
  
 _She_  killed him.


	39. Chapter 39

Hak-yeon wasn't dead. There was no way Hak-yeon was dead. Not when he was sitting there, breathing,  _existing;_ he couldn't be dead. He refused to believe it. He refused everything.   
  
He refused to believe Sang-hyuk was dead. Even when he watched his body bleed out, Saet-byul trembling in Hong-bin's arms, he refused to believe. Sang-hyuk was still very much alive, just as sassy and crude in the way he would always innocently interrogate them. He remembered the bright-eyed, sparkling boy that would follow Hak-yeon and him around, so young and malleable as he clung onto everything they did. That boy had never lost his innocence, even when he snapped protectively around Saet-byul, still so loyal and gentle as he did his best to support and care for her. That innocence couldn't have been snuffed out, just like that, life wasn't that cruel. Something as pure and innocent as Sang-hyuk couldn't have been destroyed so brutally like that.   
  
 _It just couldn't have._  
  
So when Saet-byul cleaned the gallons of dried blood off Sang-hyuk's prone body, when she placed him on Hak-yeon's still lap, had Hak-yeon hold and  _cradle_ him—Taek-woon forced himself to believe he was just sleeping. Sang-hyuk couldn't be gone.   
  
"Don't look hyung, don't look," Won-shik whispered repeatedly, and Taek-woon sent the other a pitiful glance. Won-shik met his stare, sadly dipped his head before going back to patting Jae-hwan's back, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Jae-hwan had been inconsolable since Sang-hyuk's...attack, had buried himself deep in Won-shik's embrace and never come out. No matter what Won-shik said to the other, there was no response, only the sound of broken crying and heaving audible.   
  
Hong-bin was just as broken, though he never uttered a sound. He merely sat at the edge of his cage, hands unchained as he stared at Hak-yeon's immobile body, eyes empty and removed. No amount of Taek-woon calling him was able to garner a response, the poor boy so lost.   
  
Taek-woon refused to believe there was anything wrong, that Hak-yeon and Sang-hyuk were anything but asleep. He  _refused._  
  
Because if he allowed himself to believe anything else, he might just break as well.   
  
  
"You look so cold," Saet-byul cooed as she came down, a wide smile in place as she carried a pile of clothes, setting them down on the table. Hak-yeon fidgeted in the chair she had placed him in, his fingers around Sang-hyuk's body twitching in anticipation, the look of  _longing_ on his face palpable. She grinned at the sight of him, opening her arms wide and laughing, "Come here, N."  
  
Hak-yeon immediately threw Sang-hyuk to the floor as he scrambled over to Saet-byul's side, wasting no time wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair. His arms clenched tightly, holding her so possessively and wantingly, small whimpering sounds coming from deep in his throat. She breathed in deeply, devouring his scent, before pulling away, leaning her head back as Hak-yeon kissed her. They clung to each other, Hak-yeon’s lips pressed so deeply on hers, his eyes wide open as he cupped her face in his hands.   
  
Taek-woon looked away, his hands shaking, remembering the surprised, flushed look Hak-yeon had given him when he had kissed him. His eyes clouded at the memory, missing that sweet, bright Hak-yeon more than anything.   
  
Her face glowed when he finally pulled away, holding his hands happily before her eyes trailed down to Sang-hyuk's discarded body on the ground. She frowned. "N, you can't treat Hyukkie like that. You have to be gentle." She let go of Hak-yeon's hands, his hands falling listlessly by his side as he watched her, and knelt down to pick Sang-hyuk up, resting him against the armrest of the chair. His whole body shifted, the muscles having set in the cupped way he had rested in Hak-yeon’s arms, and Saet-byul let out a small cry as she tried to fix it. Her thumbs ran over the jagged cuts on his face, her shoulders shaking as she tried her best to smile.   
  
"You have to always treat Hyukkie nicely. You can't...you can't hurt him, okay?"  
  
Hak-yeon didn't answer, but she smiled up at him as if he did.   
  
When Sang-hyuk's body finally sat the way she wanted, she stood up with a loud sigh, hurriedly going over to the table and grabbing a shirt. She held it up for him to see. "You see this, N?" she asked, modeling for him as if Hak-yeon wanted to see. "This was the shirt my mother hemmed for you, remember? I found it upstairs!" She ran over and tugged off the shirt he was wearing, baring his tanned skin for everyone to see.  
  
Hong-bin whimpered, Won-shik cursing silently.  
  
There, finally revealed for the world to see, were the millions of scars that littered his friend's thin body.   
  
The most obvious and prominent were the twisted, puckered scars that ran down his arms, going all the way from the ridges of his shoulders to the ends of his wrists. His waist and chest were littered with various scars, most small in size save for a long gash that ran from his neck to the base of his waist. Taek-woon remembered all the times Hak-yeon refused to take his shirt off, ashamed, and Taek-woon wanted to grab him in his arms and hold him tightly. He wanted so badly to tell Hak-yeon there was nothing to be ashamed of, that he did nothing wrong, that he was beautiful the way he was.   
  
Saet-byul wasn't unfazed by the sight either, her hands trembling as her eyes sadly looked over his body before tenderly putting the shirt over him. "We'll do something about the scars," she said softly as she did the buttons on his front. She paused over the one by his neck, tracing it gently. "I will never forgive myself for allowing my mother to do this to you. One day I'll fix you, clean you up and take away all these terrible marks."   
  
She finished buttoning his shirt, patting his chest gently. "Are you warm now?" she asked, and he stoically nodded, his eyes running over her. She hugged him quickly before pushing him back onto the chair, fixing his hair and checking him over to make sure he was perfect. With each brush of her fingers, each passing glance over his face, Hak-yeon leaned into her touch, his every movement craving each stroke. The way he  _wanted_ her, the way he  _reveled_ in her attention; everything about his friend was gone, the only thing left being Saet-byul and existing for her.   
  
His eyes fluttered each time his name was sung from her lips, his head tilting each time her fingers ran under his chin. She leaned forward and kissed his lips, Taek-woon watching sorrowfully as Hak-yeon leaned into the kiss, sucked and bit at her lips with an almost ravenous lust. "Hak-yeon..." he whispered, cold tears wetting his cheeks. Hak-yeon whined when Saet-byul pulled away, her turning to look at Taek-woon. Her face brightened.   
  
"I can say your name now, N," she gushed, turning back around and cupping his face, squishing his cheeks excitedly. "Hak-yeon...Hak-yeon, Hak-yeon, Hak-yeon." Hak-yeon's brow furrowed at the sound, seemingly uncomfortable with the word coming from her mouth, but the expression was gone just as quickly and the yearning gaze back in his eyes. "I  _love_  the sound of your name. It's such a wonderful name."   
  
She kissed him again, her nails digging into his hair and pulling at his scalp, breath short. "But I love N more, because only  _I_ can say it. That name is mine alone." He pressed his face into her chest, letting out an almost childlike sigh when she hugged his head. "I love you so much N, so, so much. Now that you're here, now that you've come back, I will never let you go. I won't ever let you leave."   
  
"I won't leave you," he replied, his voice low and cold, the sound causing goosebumps to run across Taek-woon's skin.  
  
"You're mine. Mine, mine,  _mine."_  
  
  
She left Hak-yeon in the chair, promising to be back soon as she had to finish preparing dinner for him. She made sure to leave him so they all were able to get a full view of him, his chair placed in a way that he would be staring straight at Taek-woon. She put Sang-hyuk back in Hak-yeon's lap, cupped him in Hak-yeon’s arms so his head lay against the crook of his neck.   
  
The room was silent for the longest time, Jae-hwan finally asleep in Won-shik’s arms, when a small, tiny voice called out shakenly,  _"Hak-yeon hyung?"_  
  
Taek-woon looked up to see Hong-bin leaning forward, his chin held just barely above the glass as he stared at Hak-yeon.  _"Hak-yeon hyung,"_ he called out pitifully, his eyes watering when Hak-yeon didn't move. Hak-yeon never moved unless Saet-byul was there, was still like a real doll until she called him.  _"Hak-yeon hyung...Bin...Bin really wants his Hak-yeon hyung...please...please look at Bin..."_  
  
"Hong-bin ah..." Taek-woon mumbled, eyes softening when Hong-bin turned to look at him, his large eyes bloodshot and wet. "Hak-yeon...he..."  
  
"H-Hak-yeon hyung...she killed him, Taek-woon hyung. She killed Hak-yeon hyung and made him empty. She killed him, hyung...she killed him..."   
  
"No she didn't," he snapped, refused to believe. When Hong-bin started sobbing openly, he quickly lowered his voice. "Hak-yeon is still there, somewhere. We can save him, we just have to get him away from her. We can-"  
  
"There is no way!" Hong-bin shrieked, kneading his hands against the glass and reopening the barely scabbed wounds. " _She_ did it before, killed a doll by calling his name!  _She_  killed him, and then got rid of him because he was dead inside. She killed! She did! Now she killed Hak-yeon hyung, there's no way to save hyung! No way!"   
  
"No! I won't believe that and I will never let you believe it either!" Hong-bin flinched away at his shout, snapping his mouth shut and silently going back to staring at Hak-yeon. Taek-woon sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Hong-bin ah...there's a way we can escape, where we can get out of here and get Hak-yeon help. But you're the only one who can do anything, you're not locked or chained up." Hong-bin's eyes flickered to his free wrists before looking back to Taek-woon, his eyes widening in fear before fiercely shaking his head.   
  
"T-too dangerous hyung. S-she'll kill hyung if I try. B-before, before s-she broke when I g-got out. I ha-have to stay. Too dangerous-"  
  
"All you have to do is let me out, I promise I will figure out a way to get us out of here alive. But we can't stay here. She's going to take Hak-yeon away and kill us, we have to get out of here before that happens." He could see Hong-bin's eyes waver, glancing at Hak-yeon helplessly before licking his lips, his lips quivering. "Please Hong-bin ah," he called softly, gently, making sure to speak as lovingly as possible to calm him down. "We have to help Hak-yeon, we can't leave him like this."   
  
"Killed hyung...she killed..."  
  
"There has to be a way," he pushed, his desperation leaking into his voice. "Hak-yeon, he has to be there somewhere. We can't give up, please Hong-bin ah. Binnie ya...we have to save him."   
  
"I...I want to save Hak-yeon hyung..." Taek-woon could feel Won-shik staring at him, so curious and hopeful, his hold on Jae-hwan tightening.   
  
"I won't let anything bad happen to you or Hak-yeon, I promise," Taek-woon said hurriedly, starting to worry at how much time they were wasting. He didn't know when Saet-byul would be back, when she would come down to take Hak-yeon. This was possibly their last chance; once she took him away it would be almost impossible to get him back. "Hurry Hong-bin ah, let's save Hak-yeon."   
  
Hong-bin looked back and forth between him and Hak-yeon repeatedly before shakenly standing up, his whole body trembling. Taek-woon stood up with him, giving him reassuring encouragement as the younger boy slowly climbed over the glass. Won-shik gently shook Jae-hwan awake, the two of them watching with bated breath as Hong-bin paused to look at Taek-woon worriedly. "You can do it Hong-bin ah," Taek-woon whispered, and Hong-bin shrunk in on himself as he wobbled over to the table. His hands were shaking so badly he was knocking things to the ground as he searched for the keys, crying openly when he finally pulled the key ring out from the torture box.   
  
The whole while Hak-yeon continued to stare forward, unmoving.   
  
"Let me out first Hong-bin," Taek-woon said quickly, his whole body twisting anxiously when Hong-bin stuttered over to him, checking each key as fast as he could. The moment his cage lock clicked open, Taek-woon pushed it open and stumbled out, Hong-bin crying out as he caught and steadied him.   
  
"T-Taek-woon hyung-"  
  
"Thank you Hong-bin ah," he said lovingly, sweetly, pulling the younger boy into a crushing hug and pressing his lips to the crown of his head. "You've been so brave." Hong-bin clung onto him desperately, his fingers digging deep into Taek-woon's back as if afraid to let go. Taek-woon shushed him, rocked him gently until Hong-bin's sobs quieted to sniffles, the younger boy tearfully looking up at him.   
  
"Hong-bin ah, I need you to get Hak-yeon, okay? I'm going to help the others out, so all you need to do is get Hak-yeon. Can you do that for me?" Hong-bin stiffened, holding onto him so tightly and fearfully, and Taek-woon pressed another kiss to the side of his head. "I promised you, I won't let anything happen to you or Hak-yeon. You believe me, don't you?"  
  
Hong-bin nodded, whimpering as he pressed his face close to Taek-woon's chest.   
  
"Then all you need to do is help Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon loves his Binnie, he'll listen to you." Hong-bin hesitated, glancing back at Hak-yeon again, and his fingers slowly loosened. "I won't be far behind you. I'm just going to get everyone out. Once I'm done, we'll leave together."  
  
"B-but...she'll come...she'll kill hyung-"  
  
"I won't let her touch you. I don't lie, remember?" Hong-bin blinked confusedly at him before nodding uncertainly, hiccupping. "Good. Now go help hyung." Hong-bin's eyes were so confused as he finally pulled away from Taek-woon, standing still for a few seconds before turning around and stuttering over to Hak-yeon's side. Hak-yeon was unresponsive to Hong-bin's calling him, his eyes trained forward despite how much the younger boy tugged at his shirt.   
  
Taek-woon wanted to help, wanted so badly to just gather Hak-yeon in his arms and run away, but he knew he had to help the others. He went to Jae-hwan and Won-shik first, their eyes wide as they watched him unlock their cage, biting their tongues to fight against the failsafe that tore at them when he stepped close. He tried to work as quickly as he could to unlock the chains on their wrists, running away the moment he was done, their sighs of relief at his departure tugging at his heart.   
  
Chan-yeol was the only one that ran to the front of his cage at the sight of him, lips glued shut from the dolls. He was in the middle of unlocking Chan-yeol's cage, Hong-bin's screams growing louder and louder, when the door suddenly opened, Saet-byul stepping in. Her eyes immediately honed in on Hong-bin trying to lift Hak-yeon out of the chair, her face twisting in a rage.   
  
"What are you  _doing?"_ she screeched, lunging forward and shoving Hong-bin back as hard as she could. Taek-woon turned back and clicked Chan-yeol's lock open as fast as he could, wanting to finish so he could hurry and save Hong-bin.   
  
"T-Taek-woon hyung!" Taek-woon turned around to see Saet-byul grabbing the knife she kept on the table, holding it high above her head as she turned to Hong-bin on the ground. Taek-woon dropped the keys as he hurriedly ran over to Hong-bin, able to pull the boy into his arms just as the knife came straight down, gasping painfully when he felt the sharp blade slice right through his back.   
  
 _"Taek-woon hyung!"_ Hong-bin  _screamed,_  his hands pulling and scratching at him when Taek-woon fell on top of him, his whole back exploding in heated pain. Saet-byul stumbled back, pulling the knife out of him, looking at the bloodied blade in horror.   
  
"T-Taek-woon oppa, w-what—you weren't—how did you get out? W-why did you jump out? I-I didn't want to hurt you—"  
  
Taek-woon couldn't move, his back burning so badly, Hong-bin's screams so deafening in his ear. He blinked past the stars and fog clouding his eyes, gasped as his chest clenched and breath shortened. He vaguely felt Hong-bin crawl out from under him, squinting as he tried his best to watch Hong-bin jump at her, wrestling the knife from her. "H-Hong-bin..." he croaked, his body shutting down, eyes so heavy. He could hear the sound of a shout, opened his eyes the best he could to see Hak-yeon with the knife in his stomach, Saet-byul silently screaming above him. He closed his eyes for a long time, struggled so hard to open them again, to get to Hak-yeon, to save Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon...he had to save Hak-yeon. He couldn't let Hak-yeon get hurt, he promised Hong-bin. He promised Binnie.   
  
The next time he opened his eyes Saet-byul was the one on the ground, the knife deep in her chest, her eyes empty as she stared blankly back at him. He felt himself being lifted off the ground, his body so heavy he couldn't help, hanging limply in their arms.  _"Hang in there,"_ the voice said, the sound so muffled he could barely hear.   
  
 _"Taek-woon hyung!"_  
  
 _"-okay, Bin...okay...be fine."_  
  
Taek-woon blinked lazily, eyes swimming around in his head, looked down at Saet-byul's still body one last time before being jostled, his wound burning terribly. Hong-bin's face flashed before his eyes, tears staining his cheeks, and the feeling of Hong-bin's lips brushing his was the last thing he remembered before his whole world stopped.   
  
\--  
  
.  
  
..  
  
….  
  
…....  
  
 _She was dying. It was painful, the knife embedded deep in her chest so painful she couldn't even try and gasp for air. She could feel with each passing second a piece of her fall away, each attempted gasp another second of her life vanishing. As she lay there, body convulsing as it tried its best to figure out a way to survive, her hand still wrapped around the handle of the blade, she felt her eyes water._  
  
 _This was the end._  
  
 _She was going to die._  
  
 _And she wasn't sad._  
  
 _"I'm sorry, N," she whispered, despite having watched N being taken away, the others frantically trying to stop the blood that gushed from his stomach. From the wound that she herself inflicted. The moment she saw N shove Hong-bin away, felt her hand sail through the air anyway, felt the knife lodge itself deep in her precious N's stomach, she knew what she had to do._  
  
 _She now knew why everyone tried so hard to keep her away. She understood now why she was too dangerous for him, why even her mother tried to tell her to stay away. She would never be good enough for someone as perfect as N. As long as she was a doll maker, had her mother's blood running through her veins, she would never be happy. No matter what she did, she would always bring unhappiness and pain to her beautiful N, would destroy him. She knew that now, and knew now what she had to do to make her N happy, to truly free him._  
  
 _For as long as she was alive, she would always hover over him, would always bring the potential threat of destroying him._  
  
 _So she had to get rid of that threat._  
  
 _In hindsight, she wished there was a way to do it that wasn't so slow and painful, but she figured this was a good enough punishment for all the death and suffering she had caused. Her hand, so heavy now, fell away from the knife, and her eyes looked over to where Sang-hyuk's body was supposed to lay. She blinked confusedly when she saw Sang-hyuk sitting a little ways away from her, so alive, smiling his warming smile._  
  
 _"Hi Byullie," he called out cheerfully, and her chest clenched painfully, this time not from the knife dug deep in her breast._  
  
 _"H-hyu...Hyuk...kie..."_  
  
 _"Don’t worry. It's not so bad, after a while you don't feel anything anymore."_  
  
 _She choked on blood clogging her throat, gargling as she tried desperately to answer. The voices were maddening in her head, screaming at her to get up, to get help, do_ something _to try and survive. They were frantic, yelling at her to get N back, but she just couldn't muster up the energy to listen to them. She squeezed her eyes shut as she pushed them to the back of her mind and, for the first time in months, her mind was silent. Empty. She looked back over to Sang-hyuk, him still smiling at her._  
  
 _"I-I-I'm...I-I'm sorry...Hyukkie..."_  
  
 _He waved his hand dismissively at her, grinning._  
  
 _"I see now how crazy you've become. I should have done something to help you sooner, but I guess this was as good as any."_  
  
 _She could feel the blood trickling out of her mouth, her body so cold._  
  
 _"Jae-hwan hyung was right. I should have left you alone."_  
  
 _"H-H-Hyu-Hyukkie..."_  
  
 _It was taking longer and longer to blink, longer and longer to register what he was saying._  
  
 _"I did love you Saet-byul. I loved you a lot. I only wanted to make you happy."_  
  
 _Her body managed to make a couple tears, could feel them mingle with her blood._  
  
 _"But I see now why you never wanted me. You and Hak-yeon hyung were pretty fucked up together."_  
  
 _"I-I...I did…Hyukkie..." Her mouth stopped moving, her tongue numb, and as her vision failed with Sang-hyuk's smile the last thing she saw, she finished her last wish in her head, hoping Sang-hyuk could still hear her. She only hoped that wherever she went after this, it was far, far away from wherever Sang-hyuk went. Sang-hyuk was too wonderful, too undeserving, to go to the vile, hell-filled hole she was bound to go._  
  
 _He was too good for her._  
  
 _As she died, gasping one last time, she wished that she could have told Hyukkie how much she had loved him too._


	40. Chapter 40 {interlude}

_“Won-shik oppa!” She didn’t give her brother any time before launching on him in a bone crushing hug, crying openly despite how much he tried to push her off of him, his name repeatedly uttered from her lips. She could hear their father shouting her name disapprovingly, hissing at her to let go but she didn’t care, couldn’t care. She had her brother in her arms, had her brother back, and she was not about to let him go. She tightened her arms around his neck, could feel his body rumble with a laugh before hugging her back just as tightly._  
  
_“I love you oppa,” she cried, burying her face in his shoulder. “I love you so much, and I’ll never let you disappear again.”_  
  
_“Won-hye ya…”_  
  
_“That’s enough Won-hye,” their father growled, grabbing her shoulder and pulling away. She withered under their father’s scrutinizing glare, looking sheepishly back at her brother to see him smiling at her, the white hospital gown so bright against his dark, bandaged skin._  
  
_She felt her eyes water as she watched him lie back down on the bed, wincing and grunting as he tried to move without brushing his wounds. It hurt her terribly to see him in so much pain, to even think about what he could possibly have gone through in those weeks he disappeared. Those weeks he had been_ kidnapped.  
  
_When he had run off to save his hyung, she had been hurt and upset that he had gone back to his hyung instead of staying with her. That he had chosen his hyung over her. She had missed him so much when he ran off initially, and was so, so eternally grateful he came back, that it felt like her heart was being ripped to pieces when he left again._  
  
_She had always regretted the words she had said to her brother, how she had so easily disowned him as a brother for not approving her marriage all those years ago. She had been so excited to be married, had been so hurt he wasn’t happy for her—she regretted with all her being that she had pushed him away. That day when she had heard his voice on the phone, heard him say he wanted to come home—she had promised herself she would never let him slip away again. And now that it had happened again so soon, to have him returned beaten and scarred, she felt that desire explode tenfold._  
  
_“Won-shik…” their father said slowly, his expression vacant as he kept a stiff upper lip, staring down at Won-shik. Her brother stared right back, lip just as upturned, but before he was able to say anything their father shot forward and engulfed him in a crushing hug. “Won-shik, I’m so happy you’re alright.”_  
_She could see her brother’s shocked expression before he tentatively hugged back, looking to her for help._  
  
_“Dad…we were all really worried about you,” she offered tearfully, their father only hugging tighter. “We’re all thankful you’re okay.”_  
  
_“Won-hye-”_  
  
_“Wonnie? Are you-” Both she and their father jumped when the body in the next bed, which she admittedly never noticed until now, rolled over, blinking sleepily. His eyes widened as he shot up, looking absolutely terrified at the sight of them. Her eyes narrowed when Won-shik looked just as alarmed, wheezing as he climbed out of bed to join the other boy, wrapping his arms around him and shushing him gently. She and their father exchanged confused glances, her stomach twisting at the sight. She had never seen her brother speak like that,_ act _like that, around anyone other than her, and even then he hadn’t done that in years._  
  
_“W-Won-shik oppa…” she tried, and jumped back at the near livid glare her brother sent her._  
  
_“Don’t come near him,” he snarled, his arms around the other boy’s shoulders stiffening. She was near tears when their father cleared his throat, speaking in a slow, controlled tone._  
  
_“Won-shik…who is this?”_  
  
_It took Won-shik a long time to answer, waiting until the boy in his arms calmed slightly, shaking. “This is my hyung.” Realization hit her, and she looked down at the boy in a mixture of wonder and pity. This must be the hyung that her brother had ran away to save, had gotten himself kidnapped for. She watched how the boy’s fingers held onto Won-shik as if he was afraid he would disappear, how he whimpered as he trembled, how her brother acted as if he was holding the world’s greatest treasure. She swallowed as she walked around and sat on the edge of Won-shik’s bed, wincing when the two of them flinched away._  
  
_“Hello,” she said in the gentlest voice she could, both pausing to stare at her. “My name is Kim Won-hye, I’m Won-shik’s sister.”_  
  
_The boy’s eyes opened as he looked up at her, blinking owlishly before turning back to Won-shik. “W-Won-hye?”_  
  
_“Yeah,” Won-shik said softly, “this is Won-hye. She’s pretty, isn’t she?” The boy nodded, watching her out of the corner of his eye. Won-shik paused for a moment as he grabbed the hospital blanket and wrapped it around the boy’s shoulders, helping him settle before looking back at her. “His name is Ken. He’s always wanted to meet you.”_  
  
_She smiled, making sure to tread carefully, safely. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Won-shik oppa has always talked about you. It made me a little jealous, I feel like he loves you more than me.” She saw how the boy, Ken’s, cheeks flushed and her brother fidgeted uncomfortably, neither meeting her eyes. Her eyes narrowed, understanding clear as she stood up._  
  
_“Well, we should be going.”_  
  
_Their father looked at her strangely, frowning confusedly. “What are you doing Won-hye?” he hissed. “Your brothers aren’t even here yet.”_  
  
_“We’re obviously scaring his hyung,” she hissed back, sending a sweet smile to her brother, the two of them staring at her strangely as well. “We can come back later, we have all the time in the world now.” She reached over, laughing softly when her brother instinctively yanked Ken away from her, and placed her hand over his. “Rest well oppa, we’ll come back later when you’re feeling better.”_  
  
_She didn’t give anyone a chance to object when she grabbed their father’s hand and pulled him out of the room. She stole one last glance at her brother, Ken letting out a sigh of relief as he fell back against Won-shik’s chest, Won-shik resting his cheek on the top of the other’s head. She smiled knowingly, shutting the door slow enough to hear Ken whisper in wonder, “Won-shik ah, you were able to touch her.”_  
  
_\--_  
  
_When she and her husband first realized their son Sang-hyuk had gone missing, they found they weren’t the only ones. There were at least three other families crowded in the police station, all of them in common in that their sons were missing. They discovered that their children were all friends, her squeezing her husband’s hand as she tried to hide how furious she grew at the news. She had never approved of Sang-hyuk’s friends, especially the girl Saet-byul. Sang-hyuk had secretly confided in her how much he loved her, how he thought everything about her was beautiful and he wanted to do whatever he could to make her happy. She had disapproved the friendship, could tell the girl would never return his feelings, but she was never able to stop him. Not when he had turned out to be such a wonderful boy who only wanted the best for the girl he loved._  
  
_But she kept quiet, smiled and reciprocated the empty reassurances they all confided in each other. As the days turned to weeks and their children still missing, they all grew close, both desperate and scared for any news on what could possibly have happened to them. With each passing day she found less and less meaning in life, only wanting her Sang-hyukkie back. She just wanted to hold him in her arms again, feel him pressed against her safe and sound. She just wanted her baby back._  
  
_When they got the call that their children had been rescued, that they were being brought to the hospital right away, they had all been together. They were all so happy, disregarding how two of them were in critical condition and headed to surgery because they were safe. They were alive._  
  
_But then she and her husband got a separate call, asking them instead to head to the morgue. She dropped the phone, wasn’t able to listen to the officer on the other end, and her husband had to finish the call. She could see how her husband’s face twisted and his hands shook, reaching out shakily to grab her hand. She knew what the officer was saying, knew what he was telling them with that aloof tone of his. When her husband hung up, his eyes wet and his breath shaky, she stubbornly looked him in the eye, telling him not to cry._  
  
_That couldn’t be their Sang-hyuk._  
  
_They mixed him up with one of the other boys. That couldn’t be her baby._  
  
_It couldn’t be him._  
  
_The drive to the morgue was silent, neither of them talking as their hearts hammered painfully in their chests. Her hands trembled despite how much she tried to convince herself they were wrong._  
  
_But no amount of convincing prepared her for the moment the mortician pulled the blanket back, her baby’s horribly disfigured face revealed. She screamed as she fell to her knees, her hands hovering over her baby’s face but so afraid to touch him, to possibly hurt him anymore than he already had. The man had cleaned her Sang-hyukkie up, the stab wounds washed and cleaned so they were only narrow holes in his skin. She forced herself to look up, raised her quivering fingers to run across this cheek._  
  
_“Sang-hyukkie...baby...Mom’s here. Mom’s here…”_  
  
_Her husband put a hand on her shoulder, cried silent tears as she openly sobbed._  
  
_“Mom told you...why didn’t you listen to me? I told you they were bad...I told you to stay away from that girl.” Her cries grew louder, gasping horribly, as the realization hit that she was never going to hear her baby tell her good morning again, tell her he loved her. He was never going to ask her for extra money, smile at her, laugh loudly at one of his own jokes, pull her into his bedroom and hide under the blankets as he told her all the things that were bothering him. He was never going to do any of that with her again. That girl...that girl stole away her precious baby, had heartlessly shattered her whole world._  
  
_She was never going to make him dinner again, never able to nag him to come home early. She was never going to be able to tell him to be safe, to listen to his mother, to stop sassing her. She wasn’t going to be able to do that ever again._  
  
_“Sang-hyuk, my baby. My baby...my baby…”_  
  
_Why, why was it only her Sang-hyuk? All the other families, they were able to go to the hospital. Their children were safe. Even the boys in critical condition had successful surgeries, they were going to be alright. Why was her Sang-hyuk the only one that died? She showered her baby’s face with kisses, apologized continuously for being such a terrible mother._  
  
_“I should have watched you better. I should have done more. I’m so sorry, your mother should have protected you. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”_  
  
_She wailed when the mortician finally stepped forward to cover her baby’s face, cried desperately to her husband not to let them take Sang-hyuk away. Her baby, her baby needed his mother. The morgue was so cold and lonely, he needed her. She needed to stay with him._  
  
_“Let me stay with my baby! Please! He’ll be so scared and lonely without me, please let me stay!”_  
  
_“Stop it,” her husband pleaded, his face flushed. “Let Sang-hyuk rest. Let him sleep for now. We’ll come back, we’ll make sure to place him where he can rest happily.”_  
  
_“No, I can’t-”_  
  
_“Don’t let him see you cry. He’s probably hurting so bad seeing his mother cry. Smile for him, smile...show him your smile and tell him how much you love him.” They were both crying by then, her husband having to support her as she leaned over the table, caressing her baby’s face._  
  
_“H-Hyukkie...Mommy loves you...loves you so much. Don’t...d-don’t worry about us. We’ll be okay. We’ll...we’ll come back and give you a large sendoff...so you can rest happily.” Her husband kissed her, running his hand down her back soothingly, and she smiled through her tears. “Just know we love you very much, and we’ll always think of you. We’ll always love you.” She covered her mouth to hide her trembling lips as they covered her baby again, didn’t allow herself to cry until they wheeled him out of the room._  
  
_\--_  
  
_She burst through the door, breathless, to find both Taek-woon and Hak-yeon placed in adjacent beds, both of them asleep. They had told her that their surgeries had been successful, and that they would heal just fine. She saw Hong-bin sitting between the two of them, his legs drawn up to his chest with the most lost, scared look she had ever seen from him. She glanced over to Hak-yeon’s mother, the woman peeking around the corner but too afraid to go in._  
  
_“I’ll wait here,” she whispered, her eyes never looking away from Hak-yeon. “You go check on them.”_  
  
_She sent the woman a pitying glance, giving her hand a soft squeeze, before running inside, immediately kneeling by Hong-bin’s side. “Hong-bin ah,” she said slowly, carefully. Surprisingly Hong-bin didn’t flinch away from her, instead only looking up at her, so very lost. “Hong-bin sweetie, are you okay?” He shifted, eyes shooting up to look at Hak-yeon._  
  
_“Hak-yeon hyung...Taek-woon hyung…”_  
  
_“They’re going to be okay,” she reassured, hands hovering in wanting to hug him but too afraid of scaring him. “The doctors told me they’re going to be okay.”_  
  
_Hong-bin fiercely shook his head, his fingers clawing into his knees as he drew in on himself. She noticed his heavily bandaged arms, the casts they had wrapped tightly around them starting to twist. Despite her better judgement, she reached out to soothe him, her hand brushing his arm, and he flew back, screaming. “Don’t touch!” he screamed, scrambling over to the other side of Hak-yeon’s bed and hiding. “Don’t touch Bin!”_  
  
_“I’m sorry Hong-bin,” she said quickly, flustered as she tried to figure out a way to calm him down. “I won’t touch you, I’m sorry. It’s okay, I won’t hurt you.” It took a few minutes before Hong-bin calmed down enough to stop crying, took him even longer to quiet enough to listen to her. She made sure to stay out of sight when she asked her questions, made sure to keep her voice nice and sweet._  
  
_“Are you watching over them, Hong-binnie?” she asked. She could see him shift, pretended not to see him peek out at her._  
  
_“Sleeping...hurt...Bin wants to make sure they’re not hurt.”_  
  
_She swallowed heavily as she found her Taek-woon’s hand, tears in her eyes as she held it like a lifeline. She didn’t want to think about what could have happened that her baby was stabbed in the back, nearly cutting right through his lung and making him choke on his own blood. She didn’t want to think about how close her Taek-woon had been to dying. She didn’t want to think about any of that. He was here, he was alive, he was safe. That was all that mattered to her._  
  
_“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning forward and kissing her baby’s cheek. She knew this was the only time Taek-woon would ever let her kiss him, would ever let her care for him, and she smiled through her tears. “Thank you Binnie for taking care of them.”_  
  
_Hong-bin didn’t answer right away, his voice tentative when he did, “Bin loves Taek-woon hyung. Taek-woon hyung saved Bin, Bin will make sure no one ever touches him. Bin won’t let anyone touch Taek-woon hyung again.”_  
  
_She smiled over at him, could see his head peeking out over Hak-yeon’s bed as he watched her carefully. “Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you.”_  
  
_Hong-bin’s face flushed, ducking back down, when Hak-yeon stirred, eyes opening, and she barely was able to register anything before Hak-yeon’s mother suddenly burst in the room and showered her son with frantic kisses._  
  
_\--_  
  
_She knew it was dangerous, could vividly remember the day when he almost bit his tongue off at the sight of her. She knew she was supposed to stay away, knew just her presence was enough to put her precious Hak-yeon in danger of hurting himself. But after hearing about what happened, after waiting hours outside the surgery room, she couldn’t hold back when she saw her baby open his eyes. She kissed his eyes, nose, face, hair; she ran her hands all over him, just_ feeling _him, desperate to touch and love her son before he could realize what was happening._  
  
_“Hak-yeonnie...Hak-yeonnie, Mom’s here. You’re safe now.”_  
  
_She could feel him shift under her, growling at her as he tried to move his arms, and she held him harder, refusing to let him push her away. This was her one chance; she wouldn’t be able to do this again. He could wait a couple more minutes, could let her love him for just a couple more minutes. As she cradled his head, she could feel Hong-bin try to push her away, could hear Taek-woon's mother try and pull her away, but she couldn't move. She was crying, Hak-yeon's name the only thing she could manage to say._  
  
_She just wanted her son. She just wanted Hak-yeon. They took both her babies away, took Seok-jin forever, and kept Hak-yeon far away from her. She was so alone, so heartbroken; why couldn't anyone just let her have her son back?_  
  
_"Hak-yeon, I love you so much. I love you so, so much."_  
  
_Hak-yeon tried pushing her again, growling louder, and she started sobbing. Not yet, she didn't want to let him go yet. He was here, so warm and real, she didn't want to let him leave her again. "My baby, I love you so, so much. My baby..."_  
  
_"Let go of Hak-yeon hyung!" Hong-bin snapped, pushing at her shoulder, but she refused to let go. "You're hurting hyung!"_  
  
_"Hong-bin, don't yell-"_  
  
_"Mom..." Everyone fell silent at the sound of the first intelligible word Hak-yeon managed to say, her pulling away to see him gasp out a large breath. After a couple seconds, his face twisted in a grimace, he smiled at her. "You were leaning on my wound, silly."_  
  
_She blinked incomprehensibly at him, her hands hovering over his face, suddenly afraid to touch him. "B-baby? Are you...are you okay?"_  
  
_His smile never left his face, his eyes never moving away from her, as he reached up and took her hand in his. "I'm here Mom, you don't have to worry."_  
  
_She was starting to cry again, her baby's face warped from her tears. She clasped his hands in hers, staring in disbelief and wonderful hope. "You're not afraid? You're not scared of me?"_  
  
_His brow furrowed thoughtfully, his fingers running curiously over her own, staring at her face for the longest time. He moved his hands away, bewilderment in his eyes as he felt up her arms, touched her stomach and waist. He turned his head to look at Hong-bin, one hand pulling away to brush the boy's cheek. "Hong-binnie...Saet-byul...what happened to her? How did we...how did we get here?"_  
  
_"Saet-byul's dead hyung. She killed herself."_  
  
_Hak-yeon didn't move for the longest time, both her and Taek-woon's mother waiting worriedly at how he would react. But instead of shock, grief, or any other terrible reaction to the news, he laughed, laughed so loudly as he turned back to her. "Mom," he cried, grabbing her hands and yanking her down, wrapping his arms around her neck and hugging her the best he could. "Mom, I can hug you again. I can be with you again."_  
  
_"W-what?" she asked, stuttering. She was confused, but underneath that confusion was a flowering warmth that exploded at the feeling of her son holding her._  
  
_"It's gone...it's gone, Mom. I can be with you again. I can be with you."_  
  
_She let out a strangled noise as she hugged him back just as tightly, the two of them sobbing uncontrollably, happily. She wasn't sure what exactly happened, wasn't sure what was supposed to be gone, but all that mattered was her son was hugging her and telling her he was coming back. She felt a tug under her, looked up to see Hong-bin's devastated face as he frantically pulled on Hak-yeon's sleeve._  
  
_"H-Hak-yeon hyung, w-what? L-leave...Hak-yeon hyung will leave Bin?"_  
  
_Hak-yeon pulled away as he turned over to Hong-bin, wincing before cupping the younger boy's cheeks in his hands. She bit her lip at the sight, her heart clenching when she remembered the thousands of times Hak-yeon used to do the very same thing to Seok-jin when they were younger._  
  
_"No Binnie," he said soothingly, "I will never leave you." A wave of relief passed over Hong-bin's face as he leaned into Hak-yeon's touch, Hak-yeon chuckling fondly. "Binnie, where is Taek-woonie? Is he outside?"_  
  
_Hong-bin froze, them all holding their breath. Hak-yeon's face clouded, shoving them all away as he struggled to sit up, refusing to let them help him. "Where is Taek-woon?"_  
  
_"Hak-yeon..." Taek-woon's mother said quietly, stepping away so Hak-yeon could see Taek-woon's still body in the other hospital bed. Hak-yeon didn't move, didn't breathe, his eyes wide as they stared at the other boy. Taek-woon's mother spoke carefully, bracing herself. "He's going to be alright, the doctor said he'll be fine-"_  
  
_"What happened?" Hak-yeon's voice was so low, it chilled her how empty he sounded. When none of them answered, his face darkened, glaring. "What. Happened?" Hong-bin made a noise, tugged at Hak-yeon's arm to try and appease him, and the younger boy mewled when Hak-yeon seethed at him_ _. “What happened to him? What happened to my Taek-woonie?”_  
  
_“Hak-yeon, calm down-”_  
  
_“What did she do to him? What did she do to my Taek-woonie?” She panicked when Hak-yeon started screaming, the machines hooked up to his body starting to whir loudly. She and Taek-woon’s mother jumped forward and held him down when he tried getting up, her son crying frustratingly when he couldn’t move, so weak. “What happened? What did she do? What did she do to him? Taek-woon ah! Let me see him!”_  
  
_“Hak-yeon ah,” Taek-woon’s mother spoke up when she was unable to, shaken up when she saw her son flailing like this. It hurt her that Taek-woon’s mother was more adept at handling Hak-yeon like this, that she had more experience._ She _should have been the one to help Hak-yeon through those times. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep trying to move. Calm down, Taek-woon will be fine.”_  
  
_“I should have saved him,” Hak-yeon blubbered as he felt limp under their hands, the machines calming down as his heartrate slowed. She took his hand, lovingly pushed his sweaty bangs from his eyes. Hak-yeon looked up at her brokenly, clung to her. “Because of me…he got hurt because of me…all because of me…”_  
  
_“Shh, none of this was your fault,” she soothed, kissing him repeatedly, feeling him push against her hands and whine at her touch. “None of us blame you, and I’m sure Taek-woon wouldn’t either. You did nothing wrong.”_  
  
_“Mom…” He shivered, eyes closed as his hands shakily lifted up to hover over her own. “Mom…” Taek-woon’s mother gave her shoulder a squeeze before stepping away, leaving her and Hak-yeon alone as she went back to her own son. But she couldn’t pay attention to that, her everything focused on her baby’s sad eyes staring at her, holding her hand as if afraid she would disappear. She held on just as tightly, just as afraid, and time seemed to freeze in that very moment, allowing her an eternity of happiness and gratitude._


	41. Chapter 41

"Just like that, keep mixing it just like that."  
  
"But hyung-"  
  
"Shh, talk any louder and you'll wake him up."  
  
 _"Like this?"_  Taek-woon paused from cooking the pancakes to check Hong-bin, the latter's face covered in flecks of batter as he tried to stir the bowl of mixed pancake batter. Taek-woon couldn't help but let out a small chuckle as he grabbed a towel and cleaned off the other's face, the younger boy making small whining noises when he tugged on his cheeks. "Hyung..."  
  
"You're making a mess," he said sternly, though the smile on his lips took away any bite he tried to have. "Try to keep it in the bowl or we'll have to eat it off your face." He had meant it innocently, something to make Hong-bin feel better for messing up, but he didn't expect the embarrassed smile to grow on the other's face, a small giggle escaping his lips.  
  
"That's okay...Hak-yeon hyung can eat off my face."  
  
He nearly dropped the towel in shock at the suggestive comment, frozen between scolding him and demanding to know where he learned such a thing, though he had a very good idea where he picked it up. So instead he only rubbed the boy's face harder, muttering he shouldn’t say things like that before gruffly telling him to keep stirring.  
  
He waited until they finished mixing before bringing Hong-bin over to the stove, showing him what to do and allowing him to try and cook on his own. His hands trembled nervously as he did, Taek-woon having to help guide him. Hong-bin was very determined to do well, his eyes narrowed in absorbed concentration as his hands stiffly moved along with Taek-woon's, insistent his turn out as perfectly as the elder's did. It was cute watching how single-minded and stubborn the other was, affectionately ruffling Hong-bin's hair when the younger grinned excitedly at the finished product.  
  
When they finished, he pushed Hong-bin to go wake up Hak-yeon while he cleaned, able to hear the younger's exuberant shouts of Hak-yeon's name.  
  
"Hak-yeon hyung! Hak-yeon hyung! Come look!" Taek-woon looked up from placing the plates on the table to see Hong-bin eagerly dragging Hak-yeon into the room, the latter still looking half-asleep.  
  
"Binnie...what is it? You weren't in bed..."  
  
"Look, look hyung! Bin made for Hak-yeon hyung!" Hong-bin waited agitatedly for Hak-yeon to wake up enough to actually register what he was trying to show him, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Taek-woon hyung helped. Helped Bin make for Hak-yeon hyung."  
  
Hak-yeon let out a surprised laugh when he saw the pile of pancakes, looking over at Hong-bin, his smile bursting with pride. "You did this, little Binnie?" he asked, pulling the younger into a large hug and kissing his cheek lovingly. "I'm so proud of my Hong-binnie." The younger was absolutely delighted at the praise, his face scrunching up happily. Taek-woon was content with just watching the two of them Hak-yeon turned his brilliant smile at him.  
  
"You did well too, Taek-woonie," he breathed before leaning in and quickly pressing his lips against Taek-woon’s, his mischievous smile showing he knew exactly what that kiss did to Taek-woon’s insides. Hong-bin pouted behind him, tugging Hak-yeon away and holding him at arm’s length, glaring at Taek-woon as if it was his fault Hak-yeon kissed him.  
  
“I don’t like Taek-woon hyung’s kisses,” the younger grumbled as he pulled Hak-yeon to the table, making sure he sat in between Hak-yeon and Taek-woon. “Won-shik hyung said kisses on the lips are only for-”  
  
“Hey, you shouldn’t listen to the things Won-shik says,” Hak-yeon admonished playfully, helping Hong-bin cut up his pancakes. “Nothing he says is safe for your ears.” When Hong-bin frowned at him, obviously upset, Hak-yeon added, “And besides, Taek-woonie only gets kisses on the lips. My Binnie gets many more kisses, right?” For added measure, Hak-yeon paused to give Hong-bin a kiss on the side of his head, and Hong-bin was easily placated.  
  
“Yes, because Hak-yeon hyung loves Bin more.”  
  
\--  
  
Hong-bin fidgeted uncomfortably as Hak-yeon fixed his tie for the umpteenth time, shaking his head back and forth every time Taek-woon tried to brush his hair. Hak-yeon was incredibly patient, merely holding the tie still until Hong-bin calmed down, tightening the knot until it stayed in place. The younger boy whined petulantly when Taek-woon tried to comb his hair again, pushing away at them and trying to move back. Hak-yeon smiled as he grabbed Hong-bin’s shoulders, rubbing them soothingly until the boy stopped, his hands shaking nervously. “Binnie, what’s wrong? Why are you so upset?”  
  
“Bin doesn’t like these clothes,” Hong-bin muttered through thin lips, eyes refusing to meet Hak-yeon’s. “They feel weird.”  
  
Both Taek-woon and Hak-yeon looked down at the suit Hong-bin was wearing, watched how he tugged upsettingly at his dress shirt. Hak-yeon ran his hands down Hong-bin’s chest, his fingers checking over the buttons and making sure the jacket was on properly. “Binnie,” Hak-yeon said softly, giving him a quick kiss on the head and smoothing out his hair with his hands, “I told you we have to look our best when we visit Seok-jin. You want to look nice when you see him, don’t you?”  
  
Hong-bin paused, eyes glancing up at Taek-woon tentatively before nodding his head, his hands shooting out to hold onto Hak-yeon’s. “Will...will Seok-jin want to see Bin?” His voice was so small and scared.  
  
It took Hak-yeon a few seconds to recover, his chest tight as he managed, “Of course he will. Seok-jin would be delighted to see you.” That seemed to be enough for him, Hong-bin finally staying still and allowing Hak-yeon to finish getting him ready. All the while he worked with Hong-bin, Taek-woon stood patiently by his side, waiting with comb in hand if he needed anything. When he was done, Hak-yeon turned to the other, beaming affectionately at the small smile Taek-woon sent him.  
  
Taek-woon looked absolutely adorable when he smiled, and now that he was free, he would do whatever it took to make sure his Taek-woonie smiled all the time.  
  
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” he said gently, reaching out and stroking Taek-woon’s cheek. He knew the other loved it, secretly cherished it whenever Hak-yeon touched him. Hak-yeon made it his mission to touch him whenever he could.  
  
“It’s alright,” Taek-woon said hoarsely, coughing embarrassedly when he caught himself leaning forward, following Hak-yeon’s touch. “I don’t mind. I want to see Sang-hyuk, so it’s alright.” Hak-yeon’s lip trembled at the mention of Sang-hyuk’s name, taking a deep breath as his eyes fluttered closed.  
  
Hak-yeon could not remember a single thing about that night, couldn’t remember anything after hearing Saet-byul call out his name. He was only told later, after he’d woken up in the hospital, that Saet-byul had stabbed Sang-hyuk to death, that she stabbed and wounded both Taek-woon and himself before killing herself. It had been so much to handle, so much to hear and accept at once, and he hated the fact that he couldn’t remember any of it. But the one thing he hated the most, hated with all his being and every day wished he could change, was the fact that he couldn’t remember Sang-hyuk’s death.  
  
He was never able to see Sang-hyuk before they cremated him, missing both his funeral ceremony and his placement in his memorial. He wasn’t able to send off little Hyukkie, wasn’t able to mourn him properly, and it ate at him constantly. Taek-woon noticed his drop in mood, pulling him into a hug that did very little to soothe his tremulous thoughts.  
  
  
When they arrived at the hall, Hak-yeon was shocked to see someone already there, immediately recognizing the tall, lanky man. He pushed Hong-bin into Taek-woon’s arms as he stepped forward, noticing the large bouquet of flowers in his hands. “Nam-joon ah,” he said quietly, and the man whirled around, eyes narrowed until recognition passed over his face. His whole body slumped at the sight of him, sending a sad smile.  
  
“Hey Hak-yeon.”  
  
Hak-yeon wordlessly looked the man over, noticed how different he was compared to the scruffy delinquent Seok-jin had always loved to hang around. His face was so clean-shaven, so alert, the ever-present smell of alcohol and drugs gone. His once obnoxiously dyed hair was now a dark black, the purple bruises that seemed to have been permanently tattooed onto his face nonexistent. He was dressed in a fine suit, looking so much like an adult as he stood before him. It was how he always pictured Seok-jin to look, after he straightened his life out.  
  
Hak-yeon swallowed, unable to hold any of his previous disdain for him as he gave him a matching smile. “Are you visiting Seok-jin too?”  
  
“Yeah...Seok-jin would have yelled and cursed at me until I came.” They shared a laugh, though the sound was anything but happy.  
  
“Do you visit him often?”  
  
Nam-joon nodded, looking down at the flowers in his hands. “If I don’t, nobody does.”  
  
Hak-yeon choked, had to fight the tears that clouded his eyes and threatened to spill down his face. He hated the fact that his brother had been resting here, body or not, and he had never once visited him. He didn’t care what the dolls had done to him, didn’t care how they influenced him; Seok-jin was his baby brother, and he should have forced himself to come here. He shouldn’t have left his brother to sit here alone, to rest alone with no one to see and visit him. For that, he was eternally grateful to Kim Nam-joon. “Don’t the others visit? I met...I met one of the other boys, Jeon Jung-kook.”  
  
Nam-joon’s eyes lit up at the name, letting out a bitter sigh. “Kookie has a hard time coming here. We all do. We try to come once and a while, show him how we’re doing, but it’s hard on everyone. Seok-jin...I know how scared he was of being forgotten, so I try to make sure to come as often as I can to remind him I still remember him.”  
  
“Thank you Nam-joon ah,” Hak-yeon whispered gratefully, jumping when he felt something pull on his arm. He looked back to see Hong-bin hiding behind him, wide eyes watching Nam-joon fearfully. He gave Hong-bin a reassuring smile before wrapping his arm around the boy's shoulders, tugging him forward so Nam-joon could get a better look at him. "Don't be afraid Binnie. This is Nam-joon, he was Seok-jin's friend." Hong-bin stiffened at Seok-jin's name, blinking up at the other curiously. Nam-joon in turn gave a courtesy nod, waving amicably. "Why don't you say hello?"  
  
Hong-bin's hand shot out and grabbed Hak-yeon's, gripping it so tightly it went numb, before murmuring a soft, "Hello."  
  
Nam-joon seemed to understand the situation, stepping back and gesturing towards Seok-jin's picture. "Would you like to see him?"  
  
Hong-bin immediately looked to Hak-yeon, embarrassed and afraid as he nearly buried his face in Hak-yeon's side. Hak-yeon kissed Hong-bin's quivering eyelids, ran a soothing hand through his hair. "Shh, don't be afraid Binnie. Let's go say hi to Seok-jin. I'm sure he's excited you came to see him." When Hong-bin shook his head, pressing himself even closer and letting out a muffled sob, Hak-yeon pulled him into a comforting hug.  
  
"There's no need to be afraid...Seok-jin loves Binnie very much, will be so happy you came...don't cry..." He struggled keeping his own voice in check, to not show how affected he was, and he blinked when he felt a warm hand on his back. Taek-woon never said anything, so out of place here where he had no idea who they were crying for, but he lent his presence all the same. Hak-yeon thanked him silently, was ever thankful to have someone as wonderful as Taek-woon.  
  
They were finally able to get Hong-bin to move, bringing him over to Seok-jin. Hong-bin couldn't read, had no idea what he was looking at until he saw Seok-jin's picture, sniffling at the sight of it. "S-Seok-jin..." he blubbered, crying when Hak-yeon kissed him encouragingly.  
  
"Tell him hi, Binnie."  
  
Hong-bin wiped his eyes with the back of hands, breathing heavily as he tried his best to smile. "H-hi Seok-jin. B-Bin came to see y-you."  
  
"He's listening to you Binnie, tell him everything you want to tell him."  
  
"B-Bin met Hak-yeon hyung. Hak-yeon hyung is j-just like Seok-jin said. Bin loves Hak-yeon hyung very, very much." Nam-joon let out a quiet laugh at that, Hak-yeon sending him a warning glance, though it didn't seem Hong-bin heard him. "Bin wishes Seok-jin c-could see Hak-yeon hyung now. Hak-yeon hyung hugs and kisses Bin all the time, makes Bin happy. Just like Seok-jin said..."  
  
When his voice trailed off and he buried himself in Hak-yeon's arms, Hak-yeon took that as his chance to speak. "Seok-jin ah, your hyung has come to see you. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to see you until now. But you won't be able to get rid of me that easy, I'll be coming to see you as much as I can." He stared at the picture of his brother, Seok-jin looking so happy as he posed with his friends. He wished he could have made his brother smile like that, make him look so happy and carefree like his friends did. "I love you so much, and while I wish I could have saved you...could have brought you out with me, I hope you're happy where you are."  
  
"Of course he's happy," Nam-joon offered gently. "You're the one he probably wanted to see the most." Hak-yeon didn't answer, wished he could believe that was true, knew Nam-joon would never be so calm if he knew how Seok-jin really died. So instead of answering, he instead focused on the flowers in the other's hand.  
  
"Those flowers..."  
  
"A-ah," his face flushed, "pink was Seok-jin's favorite color. I felt he would like it if I brought him pink flowers."  
  
Hak-yeon paused, wondering how he could have been Seok-jin's brother this whole time and never even known his favorite color. He nodded his head, pretended he wasn't as affected by the comment as he really was. "That's...nice of you. I...I'm glad he had friends like you...I was wrong about you."  
  
"No, you were right. We did some really stupid shit back then; I'm surprised we're all still alive." He winced at his choice of words, though didn't say anything to take it back. "It made sense you were worried about him."  
  
"But the things I've said-"  
  
"It's fine. I mean at the time we all kind of hated you, but we realize now you were just worried about him. None of us blame or hate you, Hak-yeon."  
  
"B-but I...I..."  
  
"Look, none of us know what went on there, or what she did to you guys. But the fact that you ran in there and went through all that shit just for Seok-jin shows you're a fucking amazing brother. Seok-jin knew how great you were, always told us how great you were; I doubt there's anything you could possibly have done to make him hate you."  
  
"You don't understand-"  
  
"Hak-yeon-"  
  
"I killed him!" he cried before he could stop himself, couldn't stand to listen to Nam-joon ignorantly praise him when he deserved none of it. Hong-bin flinched in his arms, holding him tighter while Nam-joon stood in shocked silence, eyes wide. He could vaguely feel Taek-woon grab him from behind, holding him up, but he barely noticed, nearly breaking down as the deadly secret he had kept locked away for so long burst out from the depths of his heart. "I allowed her to try and take him apart. I just wanted to save him. I wanted to free him but all I did was let her kill him. With my own mouth...I killed him with my own mouth..."  
  
"Hyung..." Hong-bin whispered, large eyes watching him, and Hak-yeon fell back into Taek-woon's waiting arms, shamelessly allowed himself to be comforted.  
  
"I just wanted to save him...I just wanted to save my baby brother...but I killed him. I killed him..."  
  
Nam-joon didn't move for the longest time, eyes scanning the three of them carefully before he suddenly thrust the bouquet of flowers at them. Hak-yeon blinked incomprehensibly through his tears, sniffling, and Nam-joon finally smiled. "You're a fucking idiot," he said fondly, a small chuckle hidden beneath his words. "You could have fucking dug his heart out with your bare hands and that idiot would have still loved you."  
  
"W-what...?"  
  
"If what you're saying is true, it was an accident. You didn't do anything, and Seok-jin died with you giving your best, loving him to the point you tried to free him. That was all he needed, and he probably died alright." He shook the flowers again, gave Hak-yeon an expectant look until the latter tentatively took them. "I feel like you should give him these."  
  
"N-Nam-joon, I-I-"  
  
"Just shut up and do it. He's been waiting for you forever, he'll love them." Hak-yeon hiccupped as he turned to Seok-jin's grave marker, letting out a small laugh through his tears as he placed the flowers at the base of the window.  
  
"Hey baby brother," he murmured, "I promise I'll come to see you as much as I can. I won't let you rest here alone." He kissed his fingers and pressed them against the glass, hovering over his baby brother's face. "I-I…I love you so much…I-”  
  
He couldn’t stay there any longer, couldn’t do it, Taek-woon hurriedly pulling him up and bringing him close to his chest. Hak-yeon was a mess, melting into Taek-woon’s arms and letting the latter guide him out before he could break down any further. He thought he heard Nam-joon whisper something to him, voice soft, but when he glanced back the man was already turned around, staring at Seok-jin. Taek-woon’s embrace was so strong, so warm, but when they were far enough away he stopped, forced the other to look him over worriedly.  
  
“Hak-yeon, are you alright?”  
  
“I-I’m sorry,” his voice broke, his vision blurry, “I’m sorry-”  
  
“Shh,” Taek-woon hushed tenderly, pulling Hak-yeon’s head in close and running comforting hands over his face and through his hair, each touch calming. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. You never have to explain anything you don’t want to.” He hugged back thankfully, no words able to describe how thankful he was that Taek-woon was always so understanding, always so sweet. Hong-bin pulled on Hak-yeon's sleeve as they walked, leaning forward to try and look at his face.  
  
"I don't blame hyung." His voice was so certain, brows pulled down in stubborn concentration; Hak-yeon bit back a bitter laugh as he kissed his baby's forehead.  
  
“We’ll head home for today,” Taek-woon said after a long minute, ignoring Hak-yeon’s surprised look as he headed toward the car.  
  
“But…don’t you want to see Hyukkie? Hyukkie…we should s-see him too.”  
  
Taek-woon shook his head, face resigned with a sad smile. “We can see him another day. Your brother was enough; I don’t want you trying any more than you can.” Taek-woon refused to listen to Hak-yeon’s weak protests, understood that beneath his feeble words Hak-yeon was still afraid, still terrified of standing in front of Sang-hyuk. It had taken years to be able to finally approach Seok-jin, to finally wish him well and come to terms with his hand in his death. But Sang-hyuk…Sang-hyuk was so very different.  
  
He had caused her to suspect Sang-hyuk, to turn him,  _to kill him_. He had so much to ask for forgiveness, and one day…one day he would gather enough courage to go see Hyukkie, to visit him and beg for that forgiveness.  
  
\--  
  
“Hong-binnie’s coming tomorrow to visit,” Jae-hwan said from his seat on the bed, watching as Won-shik changed into his sleepwear. “You’re going to be here, right?” Won-shik paused tugging his shirt over his head, looking over to Jae-hwan to see him staring at him attentively, his entire being brimming with the unspoken plea to stay. He let out a sigh as he crawled into bed, going under the covers and wrapping an arm around Jae-hwan’s waist as he pulled him flush against his side. Jae-hwan rolled over so their noses were only inches apart, his eyes so sad despite how he smiled softly at him. “Will you be here?” His voice was barely above a whisper.  
  
“Of course,” Won-shik responded, smiling as he pressed his forehead against the other’s. “I told you, I got the day off so I could be with you.”  
  
“I wish you didn’t have to work,” Jae-hwan’s voice went even softer, shifting closer so every part of their bodies was touching, trying his hardest to mold them into one. Won-shik laughed, shaking his head fondly.  
  
“If I don’t work, you won’t have this nice cushy bed to sleep in.” When Jae-hwan didn’t budge, didn’t smile, he knew something else was bothering him. His joking smile vanished as he frowned in concern, a hand coming up to push a few loose curls from the other’s eyes. “Hey, is something wrong? You know I would stay at home with you all day for the rest of our lives if I could.”  
  
“I know...but…” Jae-hwan’s hands snaked their way around Won-shik’s waist, holding him so tightly as if to never let him go. “Every time you leave, I’m so scared.”  
  
“Hey,” Won-shik cupped the back of Jae-hwan’s head as he pressed his cheek to the top of his head, “I told you I would never leave you again. I went through hell and back for you, and will do it again if I have to. Don’t you ever worry about that again.”  
  
“I-I know...but I can’t help it. When I’m alone, all I can think about is-”  
  
“I told you not to think about that,” he snapped non-threateningly, knocking their heads together. “I will protect you, will keep all those bad memories away, and you will never have to think about that ever again. Lee Jae-hwan, I love you and will always keep you safe.”  
  
He knew it was coming, shoved his head in his chest and tightened his hold when Jae-hwan screamed, his face tense when the other thrashed against him. Jae-hwan’s nails tore at his bare arms, his legs kicking and slamming into Won-shik’s in a way that would definitely bruise. It was always this way, no matter how many times Won-shik tried, Jae-hwan would always react violently at the sound of his name. Watching him like this was so painful, unable to do anything but hold him and whisper sweet things until he calmed down; yet he refused to call him Ken. He knew how much Jae-hwan hated the name, how it reminded him of the orphanage, and he refused to bring back those memories.  
  
He was determined; one day Jae-hwan will be able to hear his name again.  
  
It was some time before Jae-hwan calmed, gasping for air as he shook like a leaf in his arms. “Hey, hey,” he said soothingly, a hand rubbing circles into the small of his back, “shh, I’m right here. You’re alright, I’ve got you.”  
  
“Won-shik…” Jae-hwan mumbled, his voice slurred.  
  
“I told you, I’m going to help you. You’ll be normal again, I’ll make sure you can hear your name again.”  
  
“Won-shik-”  
  
“I’ll make you laugh again.” At some point he had started crying, teardrops hanging at the edges of his lashes and dotting Jae-hwan’s cheek. “I’ll make you smile again. I-I’ll make you better again, hyung.”  
  
“Won-shik,” Jae-hwan said louder, cutting him off, pushing away enough he could look him in the eye again, his face a mixture of confusion and curiosity. “Did...did you say you love me?”  
  
“W-what?” Won-shik could feel his face heat up, Jae-hwan so close to him and grinning widely, and he realized with growing horror that yes, he did say those words. Jae-hwan wrenched his hands out from Won-shik’s death hold and held his face gently, smiling so wonderfully and beautifully.  
  
“You said you love me.”  
  
Won-shik swallowed at their close proximity, could smell Jae-hwan’s freshly washed hair, his scented shampoo overwhelming. He was suddenly very aware of how close they were, Jae-hwan’s body so warm, and his attention was completely focused on how Jae-hwan’s still damp hair had small droplets hanging from the tips of his locks. He let out a shaky breath, his blood racing, as he watched one drop onto the bridge of his nose, running down until it rested at the end of his chin. Won-shik moved his hands up to the dip of Jae-hwan’s waist, not trusting himself to move them any further. “I-I did.”  
  
Jae-hwan’s grin widened even further, moving closer until their noses touched. Won-shik shuddered, could feel the warmth of Jae-hwan’s breath cascading over his face. _“Do you love me, Won-shik ah?”_  
  
He couldn’t handle it anymore, swiftly yanking his hands away and roughly grabbing Jae-hwan’s face, slamming his lips on the other’s, the kiss heavy and needy. His hands trailed down to Jae-hwan’s back, rolling until the elder was pressed underneath him. He kissed him until his breath was sucked away, gasping and pulling back to see Jae-hwan’s whole face laughing, the sound so sweet and something Won-shik had missed for so long. “H-hyung...I-I-”  
  
“You’re so slow, Kim Won-shik,” Jae-hwan laughed, grabbing Won-shik’s head down and pecking his lips. When Won-shik only blinked at him, mind still running on overdrive and body still hot with need, Jae-hwan kissed him again. He kissed him again and again until Won-shik was able to comprehend, his mind finally starting to understand that his hyung, that Jae-hwan, was kissing him. “My stupid Wonnie, I love you too.”  
  
Won-shik let out a small, confused laugh before he finally understood, unable to stop smiling as the realization of what was happening finally clicked in his head. He fell back onto the bed, holding Jae-hwan’s thin body tight against his own. Neither said anything for the longest time, wrapped in a cocoon of terrible bliss, Won-shik afraid that the moment he let go it would all become a dream, that it would turn out everything wasn’t true. He could feel Jae-hwan bury his face into his side, a content sigh escaping his lips, and Won-shik let out a shaky breath.  
  
“You know...hyung…”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Saet-byul never gave me a name.” He could feel Jae-hwan stiffen at the mention of the name, always uncomfortable whenever Saet-byul was brought up. He started to run a hand through his hair to calm him, to let him know he was safe and nothing would hurt him.  
  
“Y-you should be happy,” Jae-hwan finally managed, “the name she would have given you...you wouldn’t want it.”  
  
“That’s not what I meant.” Jae-hwan shifted to look up at him, face scrunched up in a way that made Won-shik just want to kiss him again. So he did. “If you remember, she said if I didn’t think of anything, you were going to give me a name.” He could see how the other’s face redden, biting his lip as he averted his eyes. “So I was wondering...what name were you going to give me hyung?”  
  
“Won-shik ah...it doesn’t matter-”  
  
“It matters to me. What were you going to call me?”  
  
“I-I…”  
  
“Hyung.”  
  
“I was going to call you ‘Ravi’.” Jae-hwan muttered, burying his face again from embarrassment.  
  
“Going to call me what?”  
  
“You heard me! I was going to call you Ravi because you are bright like the sun and you should always remember that, even when we were locked away in that terrible place!” Won-shik paused for a long moment before he hugged the other, incredibly touched, lip trembling.  
  
“Hyung, I—thank you…thank you, Jae-hwan hyung.”  
  
Jae-hwan’s face twisted, lips pursing, and Won-shik hurriedly kissed him before he could scream, already anticipating it. He waited for the thrashing, waited to feel him scratch and hurt him until the initial wave of terror passed over—but it never came. The two of them pulled away from each other, taken aback, and a hint of smile grew on Won-shik’s lips. “Jae-hwan hyung?”  
  
It came so suddenly, Won-shik was barely able to grab him in time before Jae-hwan started flailing again, his heart hammering. The time it took the other to calm down was significantly shorter, Jae-hwan’s screams quieting to soft gasps, and Won-shik just wanted to hold him forever. “Hyung-”  
  
“Won-shik!” Jae-hwan was crying now, hands clutching to Won-shik’s chest. “Won-shik, y-you...you, d-did you-”  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”  
  
“N-no, I didn’t hurt, did you see? I-I…when you said my name, it didn’t hurt.”  
  
Won-shik stared at him, trying to understand what his flustered hyung was trying to say, but when he did he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. His laugh was loud, obnoxious, but he couldn’t care less. “I told you I would make you be able to hear your name again,” he cried ecstatically, “I  _told_ you!”  
  
“Do you really think...do you really think I could?” Jae-hwan’s eyes were suddenly so scared, looking to Won-shik for help and guidance, and Won-shik wished desperately that he could bring back the hyung he so dearly missed. His hands turned gentle, his touch soft, as he pushed the fringe out of his hyung’s eyes and smiled.  
  
“Of course I do. You’re strong, and I’ll help you every step of the way. You’ll get better, I promise.” A shaky smile grew on Jae-hwan’s lips, thanking Won-shik with a grateful kiss, his fingers raking through Won-shik’s tangled locks.  
  
As Won-shik held the other in his arms, felt his warm body pressed against his own, he promised himself that he would kiss Jae-hwan every day if need be. Anything to make his hyung bright and happy, to become the Lee Jae-hwan he was always meant to be.  
  
\--  
  
“Go to sleep Binnie,” Hak-yeon whispered to a sleepy Hong-bin, trying his best to tuck the younger in despite the other’s tired fingers clinging onto his shirt. “Hong-binnie-”  
  
“Sleep with Bin, hyung,” Hong-bin muttered, eyes closed and tongue heavy, and Hak-yeon couldn’t resist kissing his eyelids.  
  
“Hyung will come back later, okay? Just go to sleep for now, hyung will be back later.” Hong-bin wanted to protest, his face scrunched up unhappily, so Hak-yeon started to soothingly run his hands through his hair. He knew how much Hong-bin loved it, the creases in the other’s forehead smoothing out and his body relaxing until only a soft snore escaped his lips. Hak-yeon stared down at him lovingly, a burst of deep affection flowing through him as he pushed the younger’s hair from his eyes. He let out a soft sigh before standing up, Hong-bin’s hands that had been holding onto him falling silently onto the bed. Hak-yeon fixed the blanket carefully over the other before turning to the door, smiling to see Taek-woon patiently waiting, the glow from the hallway light behind him illuminating his profile.  
  
“He’s asleep,” he whispered, hurrying over and closing the door behind him. Taek-woon hovered by his side as he headed into the main room, waited until Hak-yeon sat on the couch and opened his arms invitingly before moving. Hak-yeon gathered his beloved Taek-woonie in his arms, seated him in his lap and awkwardly wrapped himself around Taek-woon’s broad shoulders. He could see how uncomfortable Taek-woon was, to be the one comforted and coddled, but Hak-yeon was determined to coddle his Taek-woonie forever and ever.  
  
Taek-woon was eventually able to settle, leaning back against Hak-yeon’s thin chest, his body so full and heavy. Hak-yeon again felt that burst of overwhelming affection as he stared down at the crown of Taek-woon’s head, burying his face in the thick locks and inhaling deeply. His fingers trembled. “How’s my sweet Taek-woonie?” he asked, voice muffled.  
  
“Hak-yeon-” Taek-woon’s voice cut off when Hak-yeon leaned closer, his hands trailing down to sneak up the other’s shirt. Taek-woon stiffened at his touch, his skin breaking out in cold goosebumps as Hak-yeon’s fingers ghosted over his skin, feeling across this chest and down his stomach. Taek-woon swallowed, could feel his body tense. “H-Hak-yeon...what are you-”  
  
“She didn’t touch you,” he whimpered, could feel the tears dripping and wetting Taek-woon’s hair. He let his hands run over Taek-woon’s sides, feeling the smooth, untouched skin. “She didn’t touch you.”  
  
“No,” he replied thickly, looking up so he could meet his eyes, sticking his hands up his shirt to hold Hak-yeon’s. His fingers ripped Hak-yeon’s away, holding them tenderly. “She didn’t.” Hak-yeon let out a strangled cry as he tried to hide his tears in Taek-woon’s shoulder, his emotions high and wild.  
  
Every time he saw his Taek-woonie, held him in his arms, all he could imagine was the terrified look the other sent him when locked in the cage, so sick and terrified. Taek-woon had always been someone Hak-yeon loved and cherished, more so than Hong-bin, more so than anyone, and Hak-yeon’s entire being had only wanted to care and love his Taek-woonie. Taek-woon was so kind, so sweet, selflessly taking care of Hak-yeon even when Hak-yeon had no control over his body, would hold him during his panic attacks and feed and clothe him when he couldn’t. He had been the one person Hak-yeon had wanted to keep safe and pure, and it had nearly killed him when he found out he had been taken.  
  
But in the end, Saet-byul had spared him, had kept him alive and unharmed. Despite ripping Jae-hwan and Won-shik apart and mentally torturing his Binnie, she had left Taek-woon alone. And now, running his hands over his warm Taek-woonie’s chest and feeling how solid and alive he was, Hak-yeon was forever thankful.  
  
Taek-woon pulled out of his embrace despite Hak-yeon’s stifled whine, turning around so he was sitting across from him. “Hak-yeon,” Taek-woon said with a gentle smile, wiping Hak-yeon’s tears. “Why are you crying?”  
  
“I-I…” Taek-woon pressed Hak-yeon’s palms together, his large hands covering his and running his thumbs delicately over his scars. Hak-yeon hiccupped at the feeling, was both incredibly comforted and uneasy. “I’m just so thankful that you were never hurt, that she never touched you. Not like-”  
  
“Hey, hey,” Taek-woon lowered his voice, gently pulling Hak-yeon closer and capturing his lips in a soft kiss, Hak-yeon breathy and amazed, “she may not have hurt me like the others, but she did mark me like you. My back-”  
  
“No, please,” he hissed, leaning his forehead against the other’s, “please don’t talk about that. I…I should have been able to stop her, been able to save you, but I couldn’t. Please don’t…my Taek-woonie-”  
  
“-and I would have done it all over again if it meant I could protect you and Hong-bin. You are extremely important to me Hak-yeon ah, and I would do anything for you.” Hak-yeon let out a shaky laugh, lowering his head as he weakly pushed against the other’s chest.  
  
“But I never wanted you to get hurt. Taek-woon ah, I never wanted you to get hurt. I tried to keep you safe-”  
  
“Don’t do that again.” Taek-woon’s voice was firm, it snapped Hak-yeon out of his spiraling inner thoughts and brought him back to reality, realizing how close they were and how Taek-woon’s hands were squeezing his cheeks. “I would willingly risk my life if it meant you were by my side, you and Hong-bin. I need you Hak-yeon, I can’t live if you leave me.”  
  
“Taek-woon…”  
  
“So please…never leave me like that again. Never disappear like that again.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“Promise me, Hak-yeon.  _Promise me_.”  
  
“I-I promise. I promise Jung Taek-woon that I will never leave you again.”  
  
“And I promise, Cha Hak-yeon, that I will never let you run away like that again.” Hak-yeon blinked at the playful smile that grew on Taek-woon’s lips, not having seen such a carefree look on the other for so long. He decided he liked it, laughed with him when Taek-woon scooted closer, their bodies so close together. Hak-yeon could feel the other’s radiating warmth, was so happy.  
  
They stayed that way for the longest time, holding hands and leaning against each other, until Taek-woon spoke again, the bitterness in his voice catching his attention. “We need to talk to Won-shik and Ken.”  
  
“About what?” he asked, concerned.  
  
“Hong-bin is starting to pick up on the perverted things Won-shik says to Ken. He doesn’t know what they mean and is using them around the house.” Hak-yeon glanced over and stifled a giggle at the furious look on Taek-woon’s face, the other sending him an indignant glare. “Aren’t you upset? They’re using such indecent language around Hong-bin-”  
  
“Yes, yes,” Hak-yeon was laughing, absolutely delighted at how affronted Taek-woon was, playing with his hair lovingly. “I’ll talk to them when we go to see them tomorrow.”  
  
“ _I’ll_  talk to them,” Taek-woon’s face was so dark, it amused Hak-yeon to no end. “They should know better than to say such things around him, Hong-bin is too young-”  
  
“Binnie is twenty, Taek-woonie.”  
  
“He’s still too young,” Taek-woon bit back, and Hak-yeon just laughed again.  
  
“Hong-bin is lucky to have someone like you, we both are.” Taek-woon’s face softened, his earlier anger vanishing when Hak-yeon reached out and caressed his cheek. “And I am lucky to have met someone as amazing as you.” Taek-woon embraced him, tucked Hak-yeon’s head under his chin, and as he lay there in the cascading warmth that was his beautiful Taek-woon, he could only think about how lucky he really was to have met someone like Taek-woon. So lucky that in his entirely messed up life where he had imagined destroying himself on more than one occasion, he had someone like his Taek-woon to lean onto.  
  
He laid his head against Taek-woon’s strong shoulder, slipping his hand into the others and closing his eyes, smiling so happily.  
  
He would forever be grateful.  
  
\--  
  
 _The world swam as he opened his eyes, the harsh florescent lights blinding as he blinked rapidly. He tried to raise a hand to shield his eyes, wincing when a sharp pain shot through his arm. He gasped painfully when memories of Saet-byul stabbing him through the back flashed through his mind, remembered how intensely painful the knife had felt as it cut through his skin. He groaned as he lifted his good hand up to rub at his temple, his head pounding as his memory returned to him in snippets, the sight of Hong-bin attacking Saet-byul, of Hak-yeon falling to the ground with a knife in his stomach, of Saet-byul stabbing herself, of being lifted away...his tired mind tried to reason that something was wrong, there was something that should be alarming, but he just couldn’t figure out what. His eyes finally adjusted to the all too bright light, squinting as he turned his head to the shocking sight of Hak-yeon laying in the bed right next to him, the latter watching him with a soft smile on his lips.  
  
“H-Hak-yeon…?” he asked, his voice cracking, throat coarse. His vision swirled, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut for a few seconds.  
  
“Hello, my wonderful Taek-woonie.” Hak-yeon’s voice was so soft, so loving; Taek-woon never wanted to open his eyes so he could hear the sweet bells that rang deep in Hak-yeon’s voice forever. But he wanted to see his friend, wanted to see every inch of him, and eventually opened his eyes. Hak-yeon’s eyes softened, shooting down to Taek-woon’s hands before back to his face. “How are you feeling? Are you hurting?”  
  
“It doesn’t hurt,” he reassured quickly, ignoring how his back throbbed so badly he just wanted to cry, slapped on a happy smile that only made Hak-yeon’s face fall.  
  
“Please...Taek-woonie...don’t lie to me. Binnie...he told me what happened. She stabbed you, you almost died. Taek-woon ah...I almost lost you.”  
  
“But I’m here. Don’t cry Hak-yeon, I’m right here.”  
  
“But you almost died because of me. I almost lost you forever because of me. Taek-woonie...Taek-woon ah…” He hiccupped as he started to cry, his whole face scrunching up as he brought a hand to his stomach, and Taek-woon panicked.  
  
“Are you okay? Don’t move too quickly, you’ll reopen your wound-”  
  
“Don’t say anything like that to me,” Hak-yeon snapped, glaring weakly. “As long as you lie to me about yourself, I’ll lie right back.” They laid there, glaring at each other, for what seemed like forever when— Hak-yeon broke first, snorting unattractively through his nose, Taek-woon chuckling with him. The smile Hak-yeon gave him was so beautiful, so bright, glowing even; Taek-woon stared at it in wonder. How could he be so lucky as to have something so ethereal smiling at him, at someone like him? “I’m so happy you’re okay Taek-woon.”  
  
“I’m happy you’re okay too,” he whispered, his heart nearly bursting when he remembered the despair he had felt in the basement, when he had thought Saet-byul had destroyed the last bit of Hak-yeon he had tried to hold onto so desperately. “I’m so happy you’re alive…”  
  
“You saved me,” Hak-yeon whispered right back, almost as if unable to speak any louder, reaching a shaky hand out to him. Taek-woon struggled, but he managed to hold his own hand out, could feel Hak-yeon’s eternally warm hand slip into his own. Hak-yeon stretched his fingers between Taek-woon’s, his grip so tight and strong. “You and Hong-bin, you saved me. I’m so very thankful.”  
  
“T-the doll-”  
  
“Saet-byul...my Byullie...she freed me. She freed all of us. Taek-woon, I’m not a doll anymore. I’m free.”  
  
It took Taek-woon a second to understand, to register the thankful, happy tears on the other’s face, but when he did, he broke into tears of his own. “H-Hak-yeon-”  
  
“I’m free Taek-woonie. I’m free.”  
  
Taek-woon found no words could describe how utterly happy he was for his friend, in the end the two laying together with their eyes locked on the other, their hands pressed together with their fingers intertwined. Neither said a word, smiling serenely, and Taek-woon realized right then that there was nothing else he wanted in this world than what he had at that moment._


End file.
